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Man Can’t Let Go That GF Had An Emergency C-Section, Is Upset She’s Sensitive About It
Woman with distressed expression reflecting on traumatic birth experience and emotional conflict with boyfriend.
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Woman Is Still Recovering From A C-Section, BF Thinks It Was The Easier Way As She Didn’t Push

Interview With Expert

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Childbirth, whichever form it takes, is the most powerful experience ever, and no one should be able to take that away from moms

Unfortunately, in this story, a woman shared feeling less than after giving birth to her son because her boyfriend told her, on several occasions, that she took an ‘easy way out’ since she had to have an emergency C-section. Despite asking him to stop with such comments, he just got annoyed by it, which pushed her to turn to some guidance online.

Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with a doula and childbirth educator, Maeva Althaus, who kindly agreed to share her insights on the stigma surrounding C-sections.

RELATED:

    Women should feel empowered and supported during and after pregnancy

    Young couple holding newborn baby, capturing a tender moment after a traumatic birth experience at home.

    Image credits: Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    Unfortunately, this woman felt anything but because her partner accused her of taking an “easy way out,” as she had an emergency C-section

    Text excerpt from a woman sharing her traumatic emergency C-section birth experience and boyfriend's reaction.

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    Text excerpt describing a woman’s traumatic birth experience and her boyfriend’s comments about her taking the easy way out.

    Woman with eyes closed and hands near face, showing emotion after traumatic birth experience, feeling misunderstood by boyfriend.

    Image credits: Daniel Martinez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

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    Text on a white background stating a woman’s traumatic birth experience required surgery and ongoing recovery despite boyfriend’s dismissive comments.

    Text conversation showing a woman expressing frustration after a traumatic birth experience and lack of support.

    Woman goes through traumatic birth experience feeling disrespected and emotional after boyfriend claims easy way out

    Image credits: Choice_Writer9248

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    Image credits: George Dagerotip / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

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    About 46% of pregnancies involve unexpected complications

    There’s no such thing as a “perfect” birth, except for the one that is safe and ends with a healthy mom and baby. That said, many moms (sometimes even their partners and family included) strive to have a natural experience without resorting to medical intervention. In reality, the risk of complications during birth is significant, with about 46% of pregnancies involving unexpected complications.

    While having a positive mindset towards birth can help moms go into labor more relaxed and confident (which can make labor go faster and less painful, too!), forming an ideal image without keeping in mind the risks that it might come with can be damaging if it doesn’t go as expected.

    Parents who prioritize ‘ideal’ birth may refuse necessary medical intervention, which can put both the baby’s and mom’s lives at risk. Moms’ mental health also can take a hit if the perfect image of birth they had in mind doesn’t materialize.

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    A doula and childbirth educator, Maeva Althaus, explains that this idealized view of birth comes from unrealistic societal expectations.

    “We live in a society where women are held to some impossible standards and a culture that puts too much emphasis on performance and control. The unspoken pressure to have the “perfect” pregnancy, the “ideal” birth, a “fast” recovery can leave some women feeling like they failed,” she says.

    “A lot of the thinking in the birth world is very binary: natural versus medical and “natural is best” can contribute to a sense of failure in women who had cesareans.”

    Image credits: Christian Bowen / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    “The truth is that birth is unpredictable—and no one can control every outcome”

    It’s important that the stigma surrounding C-sections is reduced, as necessary C-sections save lives, stresses Althaus.

    “The conversation should focus on how systems can better support physiology and safety—not shame the outcome. Often there is this idea that a C-section is the “easy way out’ and that you ‘did not really give birth,’ but the truth is that birth is unpredictable—and no one can control every outcome.”

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    Focusing on health education and healthcare access that engage both men and women can help to dispel the myths and misinformation surrounding C-sections, which can be very harmful to moms’ and newborns’ lives.

    “People should know that a C-section birth is a powerful, courageous, and often deeply emotional experience. As a doula, I know that a surgical birth requires just as much strength, presence, and support in the lead-up and after,” reassuringly concludes Althaus.

    Readers were appalled by the boyfriend’s remarks, saying any form of childbirth is anything but easy, and sharing their own stories

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    Text post about a woman’s traumatic birth experience involving fetal distress and a C-section during labor.

    Text discussing risks and healing challenges of childbirth and C-sections during a traumatic birth experience.

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    Comment discussing the traumatic birth experience of a woman and criticizing her boyfriend's dismissive attitude.

    Comment discussing a woman’s traumatic birth experience and her boyfriend’s lack of respect for her feelings.

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    Comment discussing traumatic birth experience and boyfriend’s misunderstanding of the delivery pain and effort involved.

    Comment about woman’s traumatic birth experience and boyfriend misunderstanding the difficulty of her surgery and recovery.

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    Comment discussing a woman's traumatic birth experience and her boyfriend wrongly thinking she took the easy way out.

    Comment discussing traumatic birth experience and misunderstanding from boyfriend about c-section being easy way out

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    Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a traumatic birth experience and misunderstanding from the boyfriend about the effort involved.

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    Screenshot of an online comment discussing a traumatic birth experience and criticism about taking the easy way out.

    Screenshot of a Reddit comment explaining the severity of traumatic birth and the boyfriend’s misunderstanding of the healing process.

    Comment discussing traumatic birth experience, emergency c-section, and unsupportive boyfriend belittling her recovery.

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    Commenter describes traumatic birth experiences, recovery challenges, and criticizes boyfriend’s view on easy way out in childbirth.

    Comment text describing a woman’s traumatic birth experience and criticism of her boyfriend’s view on the recovery process.

    Comment discussing traumatic birth experience and criticizing insensitive boyfriend about easy way out perception.

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    Commenter sharing experience of traumatic birth involving C-section and vaginal deliveries, addressing misconceptions about easy way out.

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    Comment discussing a boyfriend being called a jerk for thinking a woman took the easy way out during a traumatic birth experience.

    Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a traumatic birth experience and misunderstanding around C sections.

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    Woman goes through traumatic birth experience while boyfriend wrongly assumes she took an easy way out during recovery.

    Screenshot of an online comment discussing a traumatic birth experience and the boyfriend’s reaction about the easy way out.

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    Woman shares traumatic birth experience after 27-hour labor while boyfriend doubts and criticizes her choices.

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    Comment discussing traumatic birth experience and boyfriend’s insensitive reaction to recovery pain and process.

    Woman shares traumatic birth experience while boyfriend doubts her, thinking she took the easy way out during emergency delivery.

    Comment about traumatic birth experience and boyfriend being disrespectful for thinking she took the easy way out.

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    Comment from OB MD explaining why sections are not the easy way out during a traumatic birth experience.

    Screenshot of an online comment disputing a boyfriend’s view on a woman’s traumatic birth experience and emergency surgery.

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    Austeja Zokaitė

    Austeja Zokaitė

    Writer, Community member

    Read more »

    Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and in the past, I was a writer at Bored Panda. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. You can check them out below! I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them:)

    Read less »
    Austeja Zokaitė

    Austeja Zokaitė

    Writer, Community member

    Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and in the past, I was a writer at Bored Panda. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. You can check them out below! I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them:)

    What do you think ?
    person (i think)
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where is the update that she dumped that loser?

    Zoe Vokes
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know. Even if it wasn’t about a traumatic birth experience, who hears someone say “you’re upsetting me by saying that,” and keeps purposely upsetting them rather than apologising and stopping. He doesn’t care about her feelings at all.

    Load More Replies...
    Paul C
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a simple name for someone who keeps trying to make a joke they find funny, but the object of their joke doesn't: He's a bully. He doesn't care about his wife's feelings at all, just that he can make his pathetic joke.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And he’s STILL doing it six months after the birth?! Something is wrong with this troglodyte. I’ve never given birth but I still know that recovering from surgery is HARD, and she was PREGNANT leading up to it, and now hasta carry a weight with her everywhere she goes while her muscles and nerves are trying to knit, and he’s NEEDLING her?! Whatever for? I truly hope she gets rid of him as she doesn’t need that аsshole in her life!

    Load More Replies...
    arthbach
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He has said she's making a fuss over nothing. If it is 'nothing' then why does he keep harping on about it?! He's a major jerk having been told this is not amusing, and hurtful, and yet he persists. A C-section is major abdominal surgery, and then on top of that you have all the normal new-born baby related things. It is not an easy option. If anyone thinks it is, then show them this video of a midwife explaining what's involved. (It is an educational video, and there are NO images of surgery.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_cSTcoasTU

    Marianne
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I cannot wrap my head around this logic. "Please stop belittling me, it hurts." "It's just a joke." Even if he feels like that, how is making a joke repeatedly so much more important than respecting the feelings of his wife and fresh mother of his child?

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The doctors cut through her epidermis, dermis, fat layers, abdominal wall *INTO HER ABDOMINAL CAVITY*, and also cut open her uterus (an organ that is not INTENDED to be CUT OPEN) and he thinks she "took the easy way out"? I want to slap him for her. I've never had children - never even been pregnant - but I'm secondhand enraged at OP's boyfriend for even having the audacity to "joke" about this. Let's let him get abdominal surgery - I know he doesn't have a uterus, but the doctors can cut through his skin, fat, and into his abdominal cavity - and then let's see what he says about it being "easy".

    Smeghead Tribble Down Under
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What the fk is it with men downplaying childbirth recently? Absolutely disgusting.

    Shark Lady
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A birth is a birth, whether it's through the tunnel or through the sun roof. If having a c-section was the easy way then everyone would have them. I haven't had one myself but I've had numerous abdominal surgeries and the recovery is brutal, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through all of that and then have to care for a newborn the minute you leave hospital. OP's boyfriend doesn't sound mature enough to be in a relationship, let alone be a father. I'd give him an ultimation, which is something I never recommend, either he stops the jokes, or he's gone, it's hard enough looking after a baby without having to deal with your partner humiliating you.

    Snow_White
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is it that men want women to suffer? It's like a f****h

    Dirk Daring
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anyone who calls C-section "the easy way out" should have to watch the footage of that surgery from beginning to end, with no breaks.

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd go with: "I was going to die. Our baby was going to die. Without that C-section, we were both going to die. Do you understand that? They literally had to cut my abdomen open, pull out my organs, and cut open my uterus, and pull our baby out. That could have killed both of us. It nearly did. The baby wasn't breathing. I was hemorraging, and the bloodloss nearly killed me. I had to be transfused, because I bled so much I was going to die. Then they had to staple my uterus back together, and put everything back inside me, and sew me up. My abdominal muscles were severed, I have massive internal scarring, as well as an 8 inch scar. Do you somehow think that was easy or safe? That needing emergency surgery to live through a childbirth that would have killed me, was lazy because I "didn't have to push"? Be grateful I'm alive to tell you you're a moron."

    Load More Comments
    person (i think)
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where is the update that she dumped that loser?

    Zoe Vokes
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know. Even if it wasn’t about a traumatic birth experience, who hears someone say “you’re upsetting me by saying that,” and keeps purposely upsetting them rather than apologising and stopping. He doesn’t care about her feelings at all.

    Load More Replies...
    Paul C
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a simple name for someone who keeps trying to make a joke they find funny, but the object of their joke doesn't: He's a bully. He doesn't care about his wife's feelings at all, just that he can make his pathetic joke.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And he’s STILL doing it six months after the birth?! Something is wrong with this troglodyte. I’ve never given birth but I still know that recovering from surgery is HARD, and she was PREGNANT leading up to it, and now hasta carry a weight with her everywhere she goes while her muscles and nerves are trying to knit, and he’s NEEDLING her?! Whatever for? I truly hope she gets rid of him as she doesn’t need that аsshole in her life!

    Load More Replies...
    arthbach
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He has said she's making a fuss over nothing. If it is 'nothing' then why does he keep harping on about it?! He's a major jerk having been told this is not amusing, and hurtful, and yet he persists. A C-section is major abdominal surgery, and then on top of that you have all the normal new-born baby related things. It is not an easy option. If anyone thinks it is, then show them this video of a midwife explaining what's involved. (It is an educational video, and there are NO images of surgery.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_cSTcoasTU

    Marianne
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I cannot wrap my head around this logic. "Please stop belittling me, it hurts." "It's just a joke." Even if he feels like that, how is making a joke repeatedly so much more important than respecting the feelings of his wife and fresh mother of his child?

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The doctors cut through her epidermis, dermis, fat layers, abdominal wall *INTO HER ABDOMINAL CAVITY*, and also cut open her uterus (an organ that is not INTENDED to be CUT OPEN) and he thinks she "took the easy way out"? I want to slap him for her. I've never had children - never even been pregnant - but I'm secondhand enraged at OP's boyfriend for even having the audacity to "joke" about this. Let's let him get abdominal surgery - I know he doesn't have a uterus, but the doctors can cut through his skin, fat, and into his abdominal cavity - and then let's see what he says about it being "easy".

    Smeghead Tribble Down Under
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What the fk is it with men downplaying childbirth recently? Absolutely disgusting.

    Shark Lady
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A birth is a birth, whether it's through the tunnel or through the sun roof. If having a c-section was the easy way then everyone would have them. I haven't had one myself but I've had numerous abdominal surgeries and the recovery is brutal, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through all of that and then have to care for a newborn the minute you leave hospital. OP's boyfriend doesn't sound mature enough to be in a relationship, let alone be a father. I'd give him an ultimation, which is something I never recommend, either he stops the jokes, or he's gone, it's hard enough looking after a baby without having to deal with your partner humiliating you.

    Snow_White
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is it that men want women to suffer? It's like a f****h

    Dirk Daring
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anyone who calls C-section "the easy way out" should have to watch the footage of that surgery from beginning to end, with no breaks.

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd go with: "I was going to die. Our baby was going to die. Without that C-section, we were both going to die. Do you understand that? They literally had to cut my abdomen open, pull out my organs, and cut open my uterus, and pull our baby out. That could have killed both of us. It nearly did. The baby wasn't breathing. I was hemorraging, and the bloodloss nearly killed me. I had to be transfused, because I bled so much I was going to die. Then they had to staple my uterus back together, and put everything back inside me, and sew me up. My abdominal muscles were severed, I have massive internal scarring, as well as an 8 inch scar. Do you somehow think that was easy or safe? That needing emergency surgery to live through a childbirth that would have killed me, was lazy because I "didn't have to push"? Be grateful I'm alive to tell you you're a moron."

    Load More Comments
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