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“AITA For Banning My Wife’s Disney-Divorce Friend’s Plug-Ins From Our House?”
One of the go-to phrases we offer guests is, “make yourself at home.” But sometimes, our idea of home doesn’t quite match someone else’s.
This Redditor and his wife opened their doors to her friend, who was in the middle of a divorce. Along with her luggage, though, she brought a collection of strong room sprays and plug-ins that quickly filled the entire house with overpowering scents.
Frustrated, the man asked her to get rid of them, while his wife felt he was being rude and making their guest uncomfortable. Read on and decide for yourself who was really in the wrong.
RELATED:
The man and his wife opened their doors to her friend, who was in the middle of a divorce
Image credits: John Tekeridis (not the actual photo)
But instead of just luggage, she arrived with overpowering scents that he simply couldn’t stand
Image credits: Microstock_Growth (not the actual photo)
Image credits: drazenphoto (not the actual photo)
Image credits: amtcannon
Guest etiquette that keeps friendships and homes intact
In today’s fast-paced world of constant screens and notifications, the sense of community often feels like it’s slipping away. Our doors stay closed, our spaces private, and hosting someone can seem like a lost art.
That’s exactly why having guests over can feel so rewarding. Helping a friend in need, in particular, can be meaningful and even strengthen a bond. But it only works if the guest also respects the home and the people in it. Otherwise, what should be a kind gesture can quickly put strain on relationships.
So what does it take to be a thoughtful guest? Let’s look at some timeless etiquette rules that can make any stay smooth and pleasant.
Since your host is generously sharing their space, a small token of appreciation is always a good start.
“Hosting can be hard and involves a lot of work,” Myka Meier, founder and director of Beaumont Etiquette, told Better Homes & Gardens. “So it’s always important to bring a small host gift to show appreciation for being invited.”
While many people think to give a gift at the end of their stay, Meier clarified that the proper moment is actually upon arrival. It doesn’t need to be lavish, just something thoughtful that reflects your host’s personality.
“A gift on arrival or departure is the least one can do to say thank you for being hosted in someone’s home,” added etiquette expert and consultant Jo Hayes.
The level of effort should also mirror the length of your stay. “The longer the stay or the more family you arrive with, the bigger the host gift should be to mirror the group or length of stay,” Meier explained.
But gifts aside, respecting house rules is just as important. Most hosts don’t want to spell them out formally—they want you to feel comfortable. Still, it’s polite to be mindful of their routines and preferences. And yes, leaving heavy scents behind in someone else’s home definitely counts as a faux pas.
“Showing gratitude and offering to lend a hand goes a long way in letting your host know you appreciate their hospitality,” Meier explained. That means asking about little things, such as:
- Quiet hours. While nighttime silence is a given, be mindful of naps if kids are in the house, or of “office hours” if your host works from home.
- Schedules. Knowing when others use shared spaces like the bathroom helps you plan around them.
- Temperature. If you’re cold or hot, ask politely about adjusting the thermostat or borrowing an extra blanket.
When staying with close friends or family, familiarity can sometimes tempt you into letting manners slip.
“It is easy to be snarky or plain rude with those we spend a lot of time with,” noted Mable Stewart, a certified etiquette and image consultant.
If that happens, the best fix is simple: apologize. Owning your slip-up and allowing your host to forgive graciously shows maturity and respect.
Finally, when your stay comes to an end, think about how to leave the room for your host. While it’s common to make the bed, those sheets will likely be washed anyway.
“It’s always thoughtful to ask your host if they’d like you to strip the bed at the end of your stay,” suggested Meier. “Some prefer to do it themselves, but others may appreciate the help.”
At the end of the day, being a good guest doesn’t require grand gestures. A little courtesy, awareness, and gratitude go a long way—and will leave your host genuinely glad they opened their doors to you.
Image credits: Binyamin Mellish (not the actual photo)
Many readers agreed the author hadn’t done anything wrong
Some, however, felt he was rude in how he handled the situation and the way he spoke about his wife’s friend
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What do you think ?
Uncle Panda 3 months ago
Sooo... houseguest does something obnoxious, host asks her to stop, she does and apologizes. Did this really need to be a story?
Angie May 3 months ago
People in the comments are acting like the woman is the physical manifestation of the devil. She stopped using the things when he asked, why is anyone the AH here? Why is this even a story? And why are people so staunchly up in arms about this absolutely mundane situation? Wild.
Robert Beveridge 3 months ago
"She stopped using the things when he asked..." Have you ever heard the expression "it is better to ask forgiveness than permission"? If so, have you ever heard it used in a non-derogatory way? 'cause that's exactly the attitude the guest in question adopted. Communication BEFORE you come into someone's space and make changes is simple politeness.
Load More Replies...
Uncle Panda 3 months ago
About a month after I bought my house, a weird chemically smell started wafting out of the basement. At first it was some sort of fake floral scent but over time it began to smell like that gas station bathroom deodorizer smell. It kept getting stronger, I kept searching the basement and... lo and behold, a Glade plug in hiding in an outlet *behind a water pipe.* It had completely shriveled and dried out but Glade kept the power going.
Heffalump 3 months ago
Basic rules for guests: 1. 'Make yourself at home' just means you're welcome. You are not expected to actually treat your hosts' home as your own. 2. Actually, you're not really welcome. Your host regretted the invitation as soon as they made it and just can't find a civilized way of backing out. The ball is in your court to make them glad that you're here.
Shoopyfloop Roundbird 3 months ago
Im extremely sensitive to smells. I would be livid if that happened to me. And its a hard topic to broach with kindness. While i understand some merit to bringing a pillow, fabric, or room spray to help you relax i cant see filling someone elses home wirh random powerful scents. Just walking past a Yankee candle kills me at 30 feet who wants to live in that?
Sly Schlang 3 months ago (edited)
What many people don't seem to realize is how scent users get accustumed to the smell and the experience they have is completely different to a normal or sensitive Nose. And as the smell spreads, it is a lot like "letting everything flow" in a pool.
Load More Replies... Robert Beveridge 3 months ago
a few more WEEKS? A place I worked back in the 2010s had someone who worked on another floor who was so drenched in scent that you could smell her in the elevators long after she was gone. They eventually put up a sign banning excessive scent, which leads me to believe I wasn't the only person complaining... but that was in a single elevator at work, something we only had to deal with a grand total of ~10 minutes per day 5 days a week. Having to put up with that 24/7 IN MY OWN HOUSE? No. Not even once.
Upstaged75 3 months ago (edited)
I worked at an office with a woman who had severe allergies and would go in to respiratory distress at times. The whole floor of the office was banned from perfume/cologne and real flowers, which were some of her triggers. I don't own perfume and I k**l flowers, so it worked fine for me. 😁 Every once in a while someone's soap/shampoo/etc. would set her off and she'd have to wear a mask. I always felt bad for her - you unfortunately can't control what scents other people use in public.
Load More Replies... GalPalAl 3 months ago
Many doctor's offices and imaging centers will ask people to refrain using deodorant or perfume/cologne during their visit. I think you should just say it gives you a headache and ask her to please not use them in the house for that reason. That should be enough. If not, then it's time to stop being nice.
roddy 3 months ago
She should have stopped using the stuff altogether, not just in shared spaces. Especially as OP's wife is pregnant and probably gagging every time she comes home. It's a huge overstep to redecorate someone else's home, and this goes for scent even more than rearranging the furniture.
Alexandra Hall 3 months ago
This is the most bizarre situation that I’ve ever read. Who on earth unleashes scents in someone’s home? Wtf is wrong with people?!
Upstaged75 3 months ago
I can't imagine doing something like that in another person's home! I will say I have some plug ins at my own house - they're brown sugar/vanilla and smell like cupcakes. 😁 (I hate how much a lot of those things smell like nasty perfume) The ones I have contain a dial so you can adjust the strength of the scent. I keep them turned down all the way, except for the one near the cats' litter box. 😂
Nizumi 3 months ago
OP - the time to complain is when you open your home to someone in need who then proceeds to do the things you specifically asked them NOT to: You're welcome to the fridge, but please - this one drawer is my pre-prepped work snacks. (Proceeds to tear open tied shut baggies of pre-prepped work snacks when the rest of the fridge and all the cupboards have food.) For the cat, please put the toilet lid down so he doesn't drink the blue toilet water (leaves lid up), don't let the cat out dangerous neighbourhood, fast cars, lots of dogs and raccoons (lets the cat out). AND re-arranges the kitchen. AND tosses MY spices away to make room for hers. AND leaves a general mess around the whole place not just her room. AND runs laundry at 2 AM. AND when asked to stop, leaves - but not before writing a poison pen note on one side of a scrap of paper, while writing a fulsome thank you note to my partner (who didn't want her there in the first place) on the other side.
Dianne Southwick 2 months ago
Some people can be allergic to the scents. Plus it's nice to ask people if you can spray or plug in something that emits scent. You are a guest in there house and should have asked before spraying or plugging in something that might trigger a reaction to the scents. It's not fun when someone triggers your allergies
Jayne Turner 3 months ago
Ok, the guest apologised. Yes she's going through a hard time, but bottom line, she is a guest, so she should do what it takes to get along.
Squirrelly Panda 3 months ago
Unless the Disney adult has the skills to get a corporate position, she'll be lucky to rent a room in a decent area near Disneyland on her wages. Even the "cheap" parts of Orange County are expensive compared to most of the country.
Ashtophet 3 months ago
I use plug ins because I have pets, but I can’t imagine using them as a guest in someone else’s home… much less three!
T Barth 3 months ago
Plug ins are toxic to animals and I found out the hard way when 2 out of my 3 cats ended up with respiratory infections. I had no idea I was contributing to their illnesses the whole time. It took the vet awhile to figure out what was going on. I felt horrible, had NO idea!
Load More Replies...
Uncle Panda 3 months ago
Sooo... houseguest does something obnoxious, host asks her to stop, she does and apologizes. Did this really need to be a story?
Angie May 3 months ago
People in the comments are acting like the woman is the physical manifestation of the devil. She stopped using the things when he asked, why is anyone the AH here? Why is this even a story? And why are people so staunchly up in arms about this absolutely mundane situation? Wild.
Robert Beveridge 3 months ago
"She stopped using the things when he asked..." Have you ever heard the expression "it is better to ask forgiveness than permission"? If so, have you ever heard it used in a non-derogatory way? 'cause that's exactly the attitude the guest in question adopted. Communication BEFORE you come into someone's space and make changes is simple politeness.
Load More Replies... Uncle Panda 3 months ago
About a month after I bought my house, a weird chemically smell started wafting out of the basement. At first it was some sort of fake floral scent but over time it began to smell like that gas station bathroom deodorizer smell. It kept getting stronger, I kept searching the basement and... lo and behold, a Glade plug in hiding in an outlet *behind a water pipe.* It had completely shriveled and dried out but Glade kept the power going.
Heffalump 3 months ago
Basic rules for guests: 1. 'Make yourself at home' just means you're welcome. You are not expected to actually treat your hosts' home as your own. 2. Actually, you're not really welcome. Your host regretted the invitation as soon as they made it and just can't find a civilized way of backing out. The ball is in your court to make them glad that you're here.
Shoopyfloop Roundbird 3 months ago
Im extremely sensitive to smells. I would be livid if that happened to me. And its a hard topic to broach with kindness. While i understand some merit to bringing a pillow, fabric, or room spray to help you relax i cant see filling someone elses home wirh random powerful scents. Just walking past a Yankee candle kills me at 30 feet who wants to live in that?
Sly Schlang 3 months ago (edited)
What many people don't seem to realize is how scent users get accustumed to the smell and the experience they have is completely different to a normal or sensitive Nose. And as the smell spreads, it is a lot like "letting everything flow" in a pool.
Load More Replies... Robert Beveridge 3 months ago
a few more WEEKS? A place I worked back in the 2010s had someone who worked on another floor who was so drenched in scent that you could smell her in the elevators long after she was gone. They eventually put up a sign banning excessive scent, which leads me to believe I wasn't the only person complaining... but that was in a single elevator at work, something we only had to deal with a grand total of ~10 minutes per day 5 days a week. Having to put up with that 24/7 IN MY OWN HOUSE? No. Not even once.
Upstaged75 3 months ago (edited)
I worked at an office with a woman who had severe allergies and would go in to respiratory distress at times. The whole floor of the office was banned from perfume/cologne and real flowers, which were some of her triggers. I don't own perfume and I k**l flowers, so it worked fine for me. 😁 Every once in a while someone's soap/shampoo/etc. would set her off and she'd have to wear a mask. I always felt bad for her - you unfortunately can't control what scents other people use in public.
Load More Replies... GalPalAl 3 months ago
Many doctor's offices and imaging centers will ask people to refrain using deodorant or perfume/cologne during their visit. I think you should just say it gives you a headache and ask her to please not use them in the house for that reason. That should be enough. If not, then it's time to stop being nice.
roddy 3 months ago
She should have stopped using the stuff altogether, not just in shared spaces. Especially as OP's wife is pregnant and probably gagging every time she comes home. It's a huge overstep to redecorate someone else's home, and this goes for scent even more than rearranging the furniture.
Alexandra Hall 3 months ago
This is the most bizarre situation that I’ve ever read. Who on earth unleashes scents in someone’s home? Wtf is wrong with people?!
Upstaged75 3 months ago
I can't imagine doing something like that in another person's home! I will say I have some plug ins at my own house - they're brown sugar/vanilla and smell like cupcakes. 😁 (I hate how much a lot of those things smell like nasty perfume) The ones I have contain a dial so you can adjust the strength of the scent. I keep them turned down all the way, except for the one near the cats' litter box. 😂
Nizumi 3 months ago
OP - the time to complain is when you open your home to someone in need who then proceeds to do the things you specifically asked them NOT to: You're welcome to the fridge, but please - this one drawer is my pre-prepped work snacks. (Proceeds to tear open tied shut baggies of pre-prepped work snacks when the rest of the fridge and all the cupboards have food.) For the cat, please put the toilet lid down so he doesn't drink the blue toilet water (leaves lid up), don't let the cat out dangerous neighbourhood, fast cars, lots of dogs and raccoons (lets the cat out). AND re-arranges the kitchen. AND tosses MY spices away to make room for hers. AND leaves a general mess around the whole place not just her room. AND runs laundry at 2 AM. AND when asked to stop, leaves - but not before writing a poison pen note on one side of a scrap of paper, while writing a fulsome thank you note to my partner (who didn't want her there in the first place) on the other side.
Dianne Southwick 2 months ago
Some people can be allergic to the scents. Plus it's nice to ask people if you can spray or plug in something that emits scent. You are a guest in there house and should have asked before spraying or plugging in something that might trigger a reaction to the scents. It's not fun when someone triggers your allergies
Jayne Turner 3 months ago
Ok, the guest apologised. Yes she's going through a hard time, but bottom line, she is a guest, so she should do what it takes to get along.
Squirrelly Panda 3 months ago
Unless the Disney adult has the skills to get a corporate position, she'll be lucky to rent a room in a decent area near Disneyland on her wages. Even the "cheap" parts of Orange County are expensive compared to most of the country.
Ashtophet 3 months ago
I use plug ins because I have pets, but I can’t imagine using them as a guest in someone else’s home… much less three!
T Barth 3 months ago
Plug ins are toxic to animals and I found out the hard way when 2 out of my 3 cats ended up with respiratory infections. I had no idea I was contributing to their illnesses the whole time. It took the vet awhile to figure out what was going on. I felt horrible, had NO idea!
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