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Making a character in a book seem realistic and interesting is no easy task. It’s not down to just your skills as a writer, though. You actually have to know a bit about who you’re writing about. In other words—do your research. Unfortunately, some male writers out there seem to have major problems writing female characters and seem shy about asking their female friends for advice.
The ‘Men Write Women’ page on X (former Twitter) documents these scary and cringe-worthy examples of men writing about women without having any idea about them or their anatomy. The project was started back in 2019 when Meghan Vondriska launched her version of the ‘Men Writing Women’ Reddit community. Now, the ‘Men Write Women’ X page has over 69k followers, and there are over 2k fans who follow their Instagram page.
“Women just want to be written as human. That’s it. There isn't some wild scientific equation to writing women, and it isn't difficult. Write them as human, with complex feelings, not as body parts that happen to be put together into a feminine form,” Vondriska told Bored Panda.
Let’s take a look at these examples of how men write women and see what Vondriska has to say about this annoying depiction.
More info: MegVondriska.com
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
This Is The Best One Yet
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
wow. so many weird misogynistic stereotypes here. Does this person also believe our wombs detach, fly about our bodies and make us crazy once a month?
Benjamin Lensgraf 5 years ago
Technically, men have longer urethras, creating more of a 'maze' to go through, than the shorter more direct route women have - even in men with the smallest of penises, like the author of this passage!
Yana Makarevitch 5 years ago (edited)
I mean, why do you even feel the need to describe how someone is peeing in your book in such great detail? Even if it was anatomically correct, it still would be absolutely unnecessary.
Anony Mouse 5 years ago
This is from Pulitzer Prizing winning author John Updike, from The Witches of Eastwick. He's known for writing women...well not great.
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
Maybe he is doing a good job painting the picture of the misogynistic man who tried to hide taking his dentures out? Context? Anyway, I never did get why Updike became such a big name.
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Shelby P 5 years ago
Exactly!!!! I as a woman have NEVER had to wait for the pee to come out (not to say other women haven't) but I know men with prostate problems do have this trouble and therefore they are writing women as having a problem they don't have because they know nothing about women!
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RaroaRaroa 5 years ago
He couldn't be more wrong. The reason women get more urinary tract infections than men is because their bladder is closer to the exit, not further away.
Ljdia 5 years ago
Besides us being able to "conjure it up immediately" as well lol (if healthy; as our male counterparts).
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Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
Somebody failed biology. Also this is a hilarious image to imagine.
RELATED:
#2
We Don’t Get Real Pockets In Pants Because We Have Tiny Purses In Our Vaginas!!! (Stuart Woods, Desperate Measures)
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
This is horrifying. Has this man ever seen a vagina? I could not imagine jamming credit cards up it.
Pink kitty 5 years ago
I checked on Google. Apparently he has been divorced 3 times. Wonder why?!
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Erica Cochrane 5 years ago
I work in a coffee shop, it's bad enough when people produce money out of their bras, if they started fishing around in their vagina for the money, I'd nope the hell out of there
Wonderful 5 years ago
“Damnit the credit card reader is “gummed up” again. Hey Erica, go get the Lysol wipes! I gotta finish making this latte.”
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Jo Choto 5 years ago
Anything that would hold a credit card, a driver's license and some cash would not be welcome in my hoo-ha, thanks very much.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 2 years ago
There's an idea. A tampon company is working with The Bank of America to create a credit card that rolls up into the size and shape of a tampon foe just this purpose.
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#3
"3 And A Half Milliboobs Per Handful"
Daria Z 5 years ago
The picture on the right is quite accurate and can apply to this whole post 😳
Glory The Rainwing 4 years ago
300 milliboobs... ok i'm gonna start! (sassiness and sarcasm)
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Michelle C 5 years ago
LMAO...I am going to use boobs for all units of measure...milliboobs, microboobs, deciboobs, gigaboobs...my friends surely will tire of me
😸Marik😺 5 years ago
Does anyone know how many millimetres results in one milliboob ... I kind of want to measure mine and my gf boobs - and some more stuff from the flat... "That table is xxx milliboobs high."
Truth Monster 5 years ago
Oh, good its only 3.5 miliboobs. 4 miliboobs would just be unrealisticly large.
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
That is not even nearly as clever as he thinks, considering I still have no idea how big her breasts are. Even the champagne glass shaped boobs were more descriptive.
N G 5 years ago
I wonder if the "standard" was provided either earlier in the books, or was removed during editing. This had the potential to be a satirical observation, but has fallen by a) not having the required context for the standard (if we are instead meant to be reading the payoff to an earlier setup), and b) the rest of the earlier paragraph describing her "full, round, whiteness of her thighs".
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What Does it Mean When a Woman is Written by a Man?
At times, male authors depict female characters as sexualized, unrealistic beings who are mere accessories that meet the desires of these authors. Men portraying women in this manner is called the male gaze. The male gaze or a woman written by a man tends to focus on the body rather than the character itself. When women are objectified without giving them a voice in the story, it’s typically said that the woman is written by a man.
#4
Yes, Men Would Be Amaaazing At Handling Pregnancy - Evolution Really Screwed This One Up. Bonus Points For “No Woman Gets Raped Unless She’s Looking For It.”
RaroaRaroa 5 years ago
Oo. This writer does not like the look of pregnant women, so has decided that women must hate it - you know, because he hates it and they surely all want to appeal to him because he's so awesome.
Marnie 5 years ago
As far as sagging boobs, people just take for granted that all men want women's boobs to look like they are teenagers. I remember I had a work buddy from India a couple of decades ago who was talking about a woman who came into a meeting once without a bra. She had sagging boobs. And he said he was very distracted seeing her boobs going "ting, ting, ting" back and forth. He liked them :-)
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My O My 5 years ago
And yet I'm sure there are women out there with Anne's opinion
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Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
"Even after Rick explained" ---- more bonus points for a mansplain to start!
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
I feel like this idiot may also be a sitting member of Congress. https://time.com/3001785/todd-akin-legitimate-rape-msnbc-child-of-rape/
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
Woah. "... he said abortions wouldn’t be necessary for rape victims. “If it’s legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down,” "
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Maeve O’Loughlin 5 years ago (edited)
Yes, I can see how the author would be much better prepared to handle having a bulging stomach, sagging breasts, and a maternal urge.
Christopher Walkies 5 years ago
Just when you think this guy's done. Boom! 'There's little good-looking about a pregnant woman.'
Annatje Van Tassel 5 years ago
WTF?! Personally, I LOVE the way my body looks when I’m pregnant. Also, I would love to see a pregnant man (who has never previously experienced having a female body — no hate to trans men here), because I do NOT believe that cis men are “psychologically prepared” for pregnancy. That’s a laugh and a half.
#5
Well Damn, Where Are All My Kids Then??
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
Oh someone needs to tell this person men also get stretch marks and they are not ll from having kids. weightloss or gain does it too
Angela Turrall 5 years ago
But did she have a tiny purse in her vagina? Just big enough for her drivers license?
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
watch out if it flys out of her body when she gets on a train going above 40 mph
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🌺🍍🌼🌻🌼🍍🌺 5 years ago
"not the kind of woman who would be trafficked" F**K YOU, WHOEVER WROTE THIS
Enea 5 years ago
It's your typical 'too ugly to be raped' misogynist statement, assuming that crimes against women are women's faults. There's a famous politician who argues like that a lot.
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Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 5 years ago
Sorry to say, but having children, being overweight, stretch marks, etc doesn't do a damn thing to prevent sex trafficking. All those scum need is to see a vulnerable girl or woman and the opportunity to coerce them.
Kalpana M 5 years ago
Post weight loss, growing taller, reduction in any fat - all cause stretch marks. How judgmental. Did somebody tell the idiot even an 80 yr old woman can get kidnapped n molested? It has nothing 2 do with the age, clothes and sex of the victims. It's perverted minds of the r**ists.
Nic Dudley 5 years ago
I had stretch marks on my boobs and hips when I was 12...so do I have a 24 year old kid I do not know about...should I put out a missing ad on a milk carton or is it too late?
Amy Pattie 5 years ago
My husband has stretch marks and I’m very disappointed by his lack of children
#6
Let's Not Forget This Gem Either
Stephanie Did It 5 years ago (edited)
Just imagine the reverse: "every hair in my beard becoming a tiny penis"
bv7hearts 5 years ago
Now, you know they would never allow their beard penises to be tiny. They'd have to be huge beard penises.
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🌺🍍🌼🌻🌼🍍🌺 5 years ago
WHAT. ok let me just dispell the rumor. when our nipples get "hard" it's only because it's cold. it does not mean we are turned on, it also does not mean that we are turned on by the cold. why do people have to sexualize our cold nipples? can't they just let them be?
Helen Kälberer 5 years ago
tbf it's not ONLY because of the cold. Nipples can get hard due to arousal. But also not ONLY because of that and it is different for every individual person.
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LJ Robinson 5 years ago
I just spit my coffee all down the front of my blouse!! SO WORTH IT!!! Thank you so much for the laugh, I was getting annoyed with the idiots who wrote these.
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DKS 001 5 years ago
every follicle became a tiny clitoris? And when a man gets goosebumps they become tiny d***s (to match the bigger one walking around)?
pusheen buttercup 5 years ago
I'm sorry, clitoral sensation is not comparable to goosebumps. In my opinion.
Women Written by Men: What Does Vondriska Say?
“I’m an avid reader, but the straw that broke the camel’s back was a novel my boyfriend lent me, where the female character was described by her breasts, and the male character was described by his personality.”
“Working in advertising, I tend to be Very Online, so taking my anger to Twitter seemed like a natural parallel. I was familiar with the Men Writing Women subreddit, but created a Twitter account in order to craft a consistent narrative and to build a community that wasn’t hidden behind anonymity,” Vondriska revealed what inspired her to create ‘Men Write Women.’
Vondriska, from Wisconsin, devours 3 to 5 books each week. (Meanwhile, our piles of started-but-unfinished books keep on growing.) According to her, a lot of male writers who tend to be thought of as the “founders of the literary canon” are continuous offenders. “John Updike, for instance. But the greatest repeat offender is definitely Stephen King. His portrayal of his female characters is honestly offensive,” Vondriska said.
#7
Ugly Women Without Good Personalities Should Kill Themselves [rivers Of London By Ben Aaronovitch]
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
But the chubby nerdy guy gets to be the everyman protagonist like in "Ready Player 1"
Carly Jackson-Hawkes 5 years ago
Lol yeah us plump women always weighing up whether to have a pleasant personality or just top ourselves!! Lol
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
OK why do I feel the need to defend a good book? But OK: This section is written first-person, so it's the character not the writer judging. This can be a fudge --- the 'hero' is often mouthpiece for the writer --- but just as often not, especially in good books. It's a character with their flaws, not a cardboard hero.
Charlotte 5 years ago
I’ve read these books too, and kind of agree. Characters are permitted to be d***s. Peter Grant is often a total idiot. Far too interested in getting in his colleagues pants and judging people’s mopping skills. But he’s also often a really good guy. And he gets better over the series. The Rivers of London series is actually pretty enjoyable, in a not-too-deep way. And he does a pretty good job of showing the diversity of London. It’s nice to get a kick ass hijab wearing female Met officer, for example. For every example of sexism from a character, we also get a healthy dose of strong, powerful, confident women. But, seriously, Ben Aaronovich can not dress a fictional woman to save his life. The outfits he puts his female characters in are so awful I just had to start ignoring the canon and mentally dressing them myself in order to take them seriously.
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Colleen Hindson 5 years ago
This is not funny at all. There are many men who think if a woman isn't attractive to them, they are worthless and should not pollute the environment with their existence. I don't think most people realize how pervasive misogyny is. It has been accepted for centuries. Especially if a woman is fat. In literature fat women are always very negatively portrayed.
Jane Sullivan 5 years ago
Ugh i hate this so much. Why do so many men think women exist only for their benefit?
GFSTaylor 5 years ago
Everyone here is assuming that she has developed the good personality because of the description given immediately before. The phrase is clumsily written - the two parts are not linked in that way. She is plump and round-faced. She is also the sort who develops a good personality etc. Nowhere in the books does the character, Peter Grant, have prejudice against plump or round-faced women. It's just a poorly-phrased description, where the author tried to cram too much into one sentence.
BorPand8 5 years ago
I agree. Peter Grant's girlfriend from one of the books is plump and round-faced, so it's not that he finds them repulsive.
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totinos pizza rolls 4 years ago
uhm who in their right mind thought this was a good sentence to describe a voice?
#8
This Made My Breasts Frown
Terri Altman-Hollister 5 years ago
My breasts don't smile anymore...they sullenly stare at the floor.
Aamna Shah 5 years ago
What was he trying to achieve with this? Are there 'slap your ignorant ass face' breasts as well?
#9
That's Not How Any Of This Works
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
Oh dear, this guy just revealed himself to be a very very confused virgin.
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
Or he has a leaky butt problem and should consider visiting his doctor.
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Michael Se 5 years ago
If buttholes worked like this, we gay men would save so much money on lube.
TheDemonUnderYourBed 5 years ago
🤣Oh goodness.... I'm loosing my s**t just reading this🤣
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Male Authors Writing About Women Actually Well
However, it isn't all doom and gloom in the literary world. There are male writers who can write women well, too. “Terry Pratchett is wonderful, and I’ve yet to see a submission from Michael Crichton,” Vondriska shared that she, like many of us, is a Pratchett fan. Vondriska also pointed out that, in her opinion, the best writers are well-read. So, she encouraged all of us to read more and (most importantly) read more widely.
“Pay attention to what you’re reading and who you’re reading. You have to make sure your bookshelf isn't made up of just men. Add in some spice—some female authors, some nonbinary authors, or authors of color. And lastly, just because you were assigned a book in high school doesn't mean it’s good!”
#10
Unsurprisingly, The Book's Terrible Writing From A "Proclaimed" Writer Does Not End Here (The Wedding Plot, Jeffrey Eugenides)
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
Boobs are testicles. They don't "withdraw" because there is muscle and a rib cage underneath and they are just mounds of fat and milk producing tissue. I feel like so many people here did not pay attention in health class. How can they be so clueless about the female body?
Rowlie 5 years ago
Sometimes my breasts withdraw so much that I Can feel the nipples puncturing the lungs
Michał Jastrzębski 5 years ago
If a breast tissue starts to "withdraw" in any way, lady dear, its time for a mammography ASAP. Thats one of symptoms of advancing breast cancer...Oo
Charlotte Stewart 5 years ago
I wish I could retract my boobs whenever I need to run, or drive over speed bumps. Sounds convenient.
Mary Melgrade 5 years ago
So you're telling me I don't have small boobs, and that I'm just depressed... Praise the lord i can appeal to these horrible writers standard of beauty at long last!
#11
Male Authors Writing Women Are Actually Just Horror Stories And Here's Why
Jo Choto 5 years ago
That's exactly what was a brick in the face for me too.
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K. 5 years ago
About to write a paragraph but needed to update my knowledge of the statistics...would have messed up my day so I didn’t. It is horrible. There is no type, people carry their pain differently. This is so offensive.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
Wow, he can diagnose PTSD and its cause, and be an a**e about it, all in a paragraph.
Shinomi Chan 5 years ago
Does the author KNOW what exactly happens to one's mental and physical well being after going through something so horrible he CASUALLY slipped in to this book?
Patricia Rix 5 years ago
"I....was probably molested at some point in my teenage years..." This is so offensive I can't speak about it!
Celtic Pirate Queen 5 years ago
So ... because she thinks you're a d**k, she obviously must have been molested. Got it.
#12
Ah Yes, Exactly How I'd Describe Myself (The Diamond Age, Neal Stephenson)
Rani 5 years ago
I've read this book. This is a woman is not describing herself. She's deliberately and sarcastically using a stereotypical description in order to get a rise out of the man. They've only communicated by writing and have never seen each other.
LSS 5 years ago
ROFL. Apparently guys have a thing for black hair and green eyes combo
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 5 years ago
I'm hoping this is ironic or humorous. I mean, who on earth would ever describe themselves like that, whether it was true or not?
Eric George 5 years ago
When I read this book, I assumed that the character was poking fun at the same trope this thread is.
Load More Replies... ispeak catanese 5 years ago
What human would ever describe herself in this way??? *starts typing it as my Tinder profile*
Storm Anne 5 years ago
pert... PERT.. REALLY PERT BREASTS!!?!?! person: describe yourself please Girl: I have PERT breasts ??????
What is the Female Gaze Theory?
The female gaze theory refers to the female point of view in the story that focuses on the realistic depiction of the characters rather than objectifying their bodies. Usually, when netizens say, “written by a woman,” they are talking about this realistic female gaze that gives depth to the character rather than their physical appearance.
#13
I'm Sorry, Her Breasts Do What
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
I'm trying to burst through the ribcage to grow up into a xenomorph but there is too much breast in the way and i can't get through, Lord help me. -Chestburster's Diary, page 27.
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
The same with the "breasts pulsating" from the Philip K D**k entry. If it's doing that run
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 5 years ago
How do your breasts strain at the breastbone, when the breastbone is underneath and between? HOW?
Knitting Panda 1 year ago
They are "trying to withdraw into themselves" like Madeleine's breasts in #10.
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Shelley Kapach 5 years ago
At least he knows about Morton’s Toe, or also known as royal feet. Must have a fetish....
Sarah 4 years ago
Never knew what it was called, thanks. I just checked and Michelangelo's David has Morton's Toe so I'm in good company. ;-)
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#14
She's Eleven And Scared But Let's Talk About Her Nipples
80 Van 5 years ago
Oh, man, you have no idea how much worse it gets in this book.
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Angie Buyong 5 years ago
the obsession of these male writers on tits and boobs is astonishing, and very disturbing for me. i know not all men are like these but these writers can influence their (male) reader into thinking (and obsessing) about.. nipples and boobs.. *shudder
Wonderful 5 years ago
It’s crazy how that’s happens or day your a kid then the next you have small boobs and hair. I don’t remember a in between of those two.
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Brandi VanSteenwyk 5 years ago
"Aw nuts!! I forgot my scissors!!" "No problem... Just let me turn the thermostat down."
Eulalie Grace 5 years ago
Of course. It really goes, "rocks, paper, nipples"
Load More Replies... #15
This Whole Book Has Both My Eyes And My Boobs Rolling
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
Only an oustandingly good belly dancer with absolute control of all their muscles would be able to get close to that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFhcogOmFds
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Susan Stead 5 years ago
That would be amazing, indeed! As a middle-aged woman, I'm astonished to learn that they can be trained to communicate. I feel I've done mine a disservice by not sending them to school.
Michael Se 5 years ago
This is the same dude who was fantasizing about his "stately" mother a few posts up. He has many issues.
#16
Be Horrified With The Rest Of Us
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
Men like Conde should not be surprised that sexy women love other women, and he really should try to help that male chauvinism.
Neva Nevičica 5 years ago
Believe me, nobody loves Conde, just like Nursultan Tulyakbay.
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Annemarie Mattheyse 5 years ago
How did this ever get past a publisher? Besides the objectionable sentiments, it's just plain bad writing.
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
Ephemeral ethnicity? I don't think he knows what ephemeral means.
Zinti 5 years ago
Right, it only lasts a short time. Just long enough to make us all cringe while he's trying to describe 'missile boobs' 😂
Load More Replies... #17
Breasts Totally Get Scared
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago (edited)
My breasts are laughing at your breasts.
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Linda Harms 5 years ago
My breasts are easily startled. That is why I usually cover their eyes with . . . clothing.
Curry on... 5 years ago
Whispers to breast: "are you two feeling startled my dears?" Breasts: "why, yes, yes we are. We're totally startled at the inability of these published authors to compose a decent metaphor."
Annemarie Mattheyse 5 years ago
Men clearly seem to think our breasts have a life of their own like their penises. For the record: they don't.
Friedlander Rosenzweig 5 years ago
I always tell my breasts what to expect FIRST exactly for this reason so that they don’t GET STARTLED. Soooooooo embarrassing when that happens.
#18
The Count Of Monte Cristo- 1884
Neva Nevičica 5 years ago
As a 36 old worn out hag, i can totally relate :D
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Martha Meyer 5 years ago
Well, back then a lot if women were already grandmas in their mid thirties.
GFSTaylor 5 years ago
This was published in 1884. Many people aged faster than they do now and expectations were different. At 36, she would be expected to be settling into a respectable middle-age, not to be youthful and beautiful.
Erynn Schwellinger 5 years ago
There's other comments explaining this. Basically - no. Statistics are deceptive and never trust the mean.
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Blue 5 years ago
When I was 50 I looked about 37 ( good genes) I was out with my dad once at a function when a male attendee struck up a conversation with me. About 15 min in the conversation birthdays came up and I mentioned that I had just turned 50. No exaggeration at all. The guy ( who was in his 40ties) stopped mid sentence. Looked at me in disgust and loudly proclaimed "WHAT, you're 50. I thought you were like 35 or something" Then he stomped away mumbling under his breath in absolute disgust. Some men are just complete idiots.
Franek Mierzwiński 4 years ago
Now i am confused. You consider yourself looking like 37 and he is an idiot bc he think you look like 35?
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M Kate McCulloch 5 years ago
to be fair - when this was written, the average life span of women was about 45 years and we women were married off and first "flowering," (you know, our menstrual cycle beginning) so like between 10 on the young side and 16 on the high side and 16 was considered older after 18, prospects decreased significantly, and good lord if you weren't married by the time you were 20 - spinsterhood awaited.
Rachel Waller 5 years ago
Actually, women hit puberty a lot later then - better nutrition and healthcare causes earlier development, same as people now are a lot taller than back then. They'd be starting at fifteen-sixteen as standard, not ten, and marriage was usually a little after that. Nobles could be betrothed and married off pretty much as soon as they were born, but they wouldn't be expected to actually consummate the marriage until the girl was old enough to have a chance of surviving pregnancy (late teens at least).
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Azrael Haraldssen 5 years ago
Before you have a fit, the average life span in the mid 1800s was 45-50 years old, especially for women of childbearing years, who often died of simple complications. Sanitation was not what it is today. And I'm cisfemale.
#19
Plz Put This On My Tombstone #submission (The Dogs, Scott Smith)
CHARLOTTE SCHWEIZER 5 years ago
asedfgrdeswa I'm just wondering how he knows what her SKIN tastes like-
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Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
Barbie doesn't have a vagina. Would anyone describe a man as " Bob- sweet, green eyed bob, with his short red hair, his musky skin and his Ken doll penis"?
bv7hearts 5 years ago
I laughed so hard I think I peed a little. Thank you.
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Michael Capriola Jr. 5 years ago
"Barbie doll vagina"? Not only does this shitgibbon know nothing about women, he apparently knows nothing about the anatomy of Barbie dolls.
Linda Harms 5 years ago
It's been a long time since I had a Barbie. They have vaginas now? Cool.
Michał Jastrzębski 5 years ago
Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome makes that technically, possible, tho rather bad.
Load More Replies... #20
*me To My Friend* Excuse Me, May I Please Borrow Your Eyeballs?
Animal lover❤ 5 years ago
I borrow my friends eyes all the time, why is this so weird to you guys?
pansexualandproud 5 years ago
i will trade one of my blue eyes for any other color.do I have any offers?
Shinomi Chan 5 years ago
I mean, if ya want a green one I can trade for one of dem blue ones.
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Regan Anderson 5 years ago
Sadly, this is a female author. It's from "Nine Perfect Strangers" by Liane Moriarty
Meko 4 years ago
Once as a prank my friend and I tried tonwrite anonymous creepy “love letters” to People in our class one was talking about how “my fondest memory of us is at lunch, I was watching u laugh from behind the tree were I always hide to watch u but my fave was dear insert name here, I love ur eyes, can I have them?
Kennedy Longworth 5 years ago
Or....what if......SHE WAS THE BEAUTIFUL PERSON?!? Boom. Mindblown.
#21
She Was Flesh And Blood, Not The 2D Woman He Was Used To Objectifying On Television, And For That She Was All The More Special (A Time On Earth, Vihelm Moberg)
maat ward 5 years ago
Nope, just some Lovecraftian nightmare composed entirely of limbs, hips and breasts. At least twelve of each.
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Charlotte Stewart 5 years ago
Yeah, she might be able to push him away and then run!
Load More Replies... Shinomi Chan 5 years ago
So uhm, what is the boy USED TO then? Because I'm kind of afraid to imagine it.
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
Actually, assuming the answer to the Drake Equation is >1, it's at most 50%.
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#22
Literally No Woman Would Ever Do This (Misterioso, Arne Dahl)
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
In the first place this whole soaking thing sounds like a dishcloth, this guy obviously doesn't know how pads work. In the second place, pads stick to underwear, in my experience you don't just "fish them out", this guy obviously doesn't know how pads work. In the third place, of course the only possible rational reason why a woman would refuse sex is because she's on her period!, this guy is obviously an effing asshole.
Full of Giggles 5 years ago
It's possible to soak through a pad. When I was a teen, I had to wear an overnight pad with Depends. I had to change it every four hours or I'd soak through and stain my pants.
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Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
Well she might if she wants him to go away. And since it appears he is creeping on her in her sleep that might be her goal. The bigger problem appears to be that he feels like he as a right to sex
Zinti 5 years ago
How bad do you have to be at noticing clear body language that the only way to get you to back off is to shove a used pad in your face? #CreeperAlert
Truth Monster 5 years ago
Actually, there was this Roman lady called Hypatia. Similar situation where a suitor wouldn't take a clear, firm, "no."
Trudi McLaren 5 years ago (edited)
Um, why not just say "I've got my period, bugger off"...? Even if it was possible to just 'fish it out', if it's 'blood soaked', she'd get blood everywhere, and she now has nothing to soak up any further blood. And it's a bit overly dramatic, isn't it?
Linda HS 5 years ago
@Marnie, I am sorry to say this, but you need to do some research. You'd be surprised about how many women “ bleed when menstruating”...Some cases actually have been emergencies and called for surgical intervention... Please check before you say something so dumb. Thank you
Alison Boroski 5 years ago
If he says she “fished”, perhaps he’s thinking of a tampon? Btw, what woman wouldn’t say “I have my period”, instead of showing a dude her lady juice?
CatWoman312 5 years ago
From reading the whole entry she did it because he wouldn’t take the hint she wasn’t interested in sex. A woman would have just said I’m on my period instead, but ahh men and their imaginations
Lisa Tetlow 5 years ago
That's what happens when you confuse sticky note pads for sanitary pads.
WildBerry 5 years ago
Yes, but you can easily peel them off your underwear. A gal said above here that she has to take her pants off in order to change hers. She must have ones that stick with Crazy Glue. LOL
Load More Replies... #23
Only Sluts Have Hairy Legs (The Things They Carried, Tim O'brien)
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
dry sounds like she just needs to use more lotion. dry skin is horribly itchy
Zinti 5 years ago
As if the leg hair and virginity weren't bad enough, the author already knows she weighs EXACTLY just over 117 pounds. And he knows this how exactly? We don't even know what we weigh at any given time. I could weigh 3 pounds more at the end of the day than in the morning. Just..how?!? So apparently he's got some kind of super "sciencyish" knowledge of the connection between leg hair, virginity and exact body weight to the ounce.
Laura Gillette 5 years ago
Yes, women only start growing leg hair after they have sex for the first time.
Shinomi Chan 5 years ago
Well in that case, someone owes me an explanation... ._.
Load More Replies... Grumble O'Pug 5 years ago
If I had the legs of a virgin, If I had the ass of a crow, I'd fly over Tim O'Brien, and s**t on his book below.
Not-so-MadMax 5 years ago
Yes, because after you have lost your virginity, your legs become moist and hairy...
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
(Muttering under one's breath as one would do whilst talking abut Dinkleberg) Weird flamingo lady...
Load More Replies... Cybele Spanjaard 5 years ago
So only virgins have hairless legs? And no virginal sexy sheen to her skin?
#24
Thank God For The Bikini Wax.
Dianna Ulmo 5 years ago
This was my question! Like.... How would they have disguised that she wasn't sexy???
Load More Replies... NMN 5 years ago
A full single period to say "Shaved legs." My past literature teachers would deduct so many points for that (even if it wasn't so ridiculous like this guy's)
Bama Belle 5 years ago
For some reason this reminded me of that interview Oprah did with porn star, Jenna Jameson. Jenna said the best thing about no longer doing porn was not having to wax and bleach every inch of her body.
Kristi Bartlett 5 years ago
This one is not so bad. In the book, the character has lost her memory so she is evaluating her body like a stranger.
Colleen Hindson 5 years ago
This male writer seems to think that women are as critical of their bodies as men are. And his character is desperate to meet the standards that the males in her culture have set.
#25
Wish I Had Pillowy Breasts! Taken From Ben Fountain’s Brief Encounters With Che Guevara
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
I'm more concerned by the fact he seems to routinely check out boys' butts and uses that as the benchmark of sexy.
Dan Buczynski 5 years ago
I was about to make the same observation. Yeesh.
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Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
This guy does not know how breasts feel, and has a worrying interest in boys' buttocks and abs...
pusheen buttercup 5 years ago
Celibacy is a choice and your body type doesn't determine the value of that choice to you. Personally, I'm not, but any woman, voluptuous or otherwise, can do what they want. I wouldn't say it was a waste if some hot guy was celibate either. Hotness doesn't translate to sex drive or skill in the bedroom.
Nicole Tomme 5 years ago
"She looked just like the golf caddie if he shoved pillows up his shirt."
Joanne Hudson 5 years ago
He kind of jumps around describing her; breasts, butt, abs (who brings golf balls to bed for sex), and her pretty face is down topping her "package"., I thought men had packages. Maybe she has a boys butt because ..... never mind.
Up All Night 5 years ago
I also got confused for a few second at the "package" part...
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#26
The Rest Reads “Dad Is Looking Like He Made A Better Decision Every Year”. What?!?
Two silly pups 5 years ago
Also nice of the author to expect a woman to get less confident with age... 🤦♀️
Load More Replies... Dan Buczynski 5 years ago
"If she wasn't my mother, maybe I would date her." - Donald Jessica Trump
LSS 5 years ago
Again, this sounds like it's from the perspective of the character. Maybe the character is just... weird.
S. 5 years ago
I'd rather just have the character put on a stupid hat than fantasise about their own BIOLOGICAL MOTHER in order to seem weird.
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Cybele Spanjaard 5 years ago
A boys ideal of Mum?Just a woman who improved with age or his eyes do.
#27
This Is A Totally Anatomically Normal Thing For Breasts To Do #submission (We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, Philip Dick)
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
These male authors are making my breasts pulse with resentment. They're really pissed off.
Azziza 5 years ago
Do they realize that their breasts are pretty much just like our breasts? I mean they basically have the same anatomy, just size differences. Why do they think our breasts perform all of these acrobatics when theirs tend to just sit their on their chests right? I mean what is going on in their minds?
Linda Harms 5 years ago
I spent thousands of dollars on therapy for my breasts and they STILL pulse with resentment?
ispeak catanese 5 years ago
Mine are in time out inside a pair of champagne glasses
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Roxy Eastland 5 years ago
Presumably after they pointed skywards, got startled, withdrew into themselves, and rolled in synch with her eyes?
Pooja 5 years ago
Ok, so far we have had breasts that roll, breasts that tug in opposite directions, breasts that are startled, breasts that pulse with resentment......either none of these men have ever seen a woman’s breasts in their entire life or i have some totally lazy-ass breasts that aren’t even trying.
Michael Capriola Jr. 5 years ago
Remember ladies -- if your breasts pulse with resentment it is time for a tune up.
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
If they start making weird clunking noises then see a mechanic.
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Elizabeth Guiles 5 years ago
Interesting how male authors seem to imbue our breasts with all sorts of emotions. LOL
#28
#menwritingwomen No Wonder Some Of Them Think Our Breasts Stop Us From Doing Stuff If They Think We’re As Obsessed As They Are. We Can’t Get Away From Them. Oh Must Do This Important Thing But Wait!
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
Well this seems to reinforce every ugly stereotype of men being sex crazed horndogs
Cassandra 5 years ago
The way this is worded, i’m picturing him being “silenced” by a floating pair of boobs just flying over and stuffing themselves into his mouth.
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
Or they're wearing high heels and kick him in the eyeballs.
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Sue Sanders 5 years ago
"as breasts went past": That evokes a weird and disturbing image. Are these books self-published or printed in xerox copies and handed out on city street corners? With a begging bowl. Because that's the only way this - ahem - writer is going to be fed. Or just starve.
Melissa McClung 5 years ago
Further evidence of how many men see women as just anatomical grab bags, rather than actual people...
#29
'the Shining', By Stephen King. Its Always Breasts
Chez 5 years ago (edited)
To be fair, this scene is where he is describing a woman who has been dead in a bath for however long (a ghost of her anyway). And when I read it it's actually made perfect sense in that context.
Jamma 5 years ago
Wouldn't they be bloated, then? Comparing them to cracked (I'm assuming old and dry) punching bags seems jarringly wrong.
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Colleen Hindson 5 years ago
Ugly. I guess it's a corpse, but still, that sounds more like a description of testicles.
Kimberly Young 5 years ago
In The Shining, he also writes that a man "squeezed the accelerator like the breast of a much loved woman."
Jamma 5 years ago
Yuck. Men don't realize that breasts actually hurt if squeezed in the wrong place or too hard. They aren't just bags of fat.
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Kent Grigsby 5 years ago
I agree with Chez, I just finished the book and it describes a slightly obese wealthy woman in her 60's who has partied all her life and was depressed, got too drunk and took a bath along with some pills. This is the description of her in a dry tub about to horrifically threaten a five year old boy. Dead boobs are not pretty...
Eulalie Grace 5 years ago
I thought the woman was floating in filthy water in the tub. But I read "The Shining" yeas ago. That was one scary chapter.
Load More Replies... meta dillard 4 years ago
Stephen King is actually a prince among men---generous, kind, funny, eager to promote others. See videos of the rock group, "The Rock-Bottom Remainders." (I think he's lead guitar. Amy Tan is the vocalist. Dave Barry's in it--lots of great writers.
Female Characters Are More Than Just Their Bodies
We understand your anger. It’s impossible to read the thread without getting infuriated about this poor depiction of women. You can take out your anger about these male writers and express yourself in the comments. After all, women are so much more than just their bodies. Share this not just with your fellow feminists but with other friends and family, too. It’s high time we call out these unfair depictions, don’t you think so?
#30
I’m Not Sure It’s Physically Possible For My Eyes To Roll Any Further Back In My Head (Code Of Honour, Marc Cameron)
Neva Nevičica 5 years ago
I am so angry that my pores aren't curvaceous enough to ooze sexuality!
bv7hearts 5 years ago
I think my pores are too curvaceous b/c I have to use a mattifying foundation.
#31
I'm Sorry Her What Winked?? (Eeny Meenie, Mj Arlidge)
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
*frucking grows arms and legs, detaches, and proceeds to carry out said action*
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Gerard Neaux 4 years ago
"Mark had made love many times", said the insecure author who's a virgin and angry because of it
Iris Wolfie (づ ◕‿◕ )づ 5 years ago
My lack of cleavage can't kick him in le balls, but my foot can!
MellonCollie 5 years ago
It's just a figure of speech, people. Mark is imagining the cleavage winking. Literature is not to be taken literally.
Arctic Fox Lover 5 years ago
Should we tell her? No, let's just let her figure it out...
Load More Replies... #32
In This, We Are All Joe (Open Season, Cj Box)
Charlotte Sandoval 5 years ago (edited)
No, Joe doesn't know what a little girl is like naked, because Joe isn't a pedophile. Be like Joe, be uncomfortable
Natalie KS 5 years ago
This doesn't seem pedo-pervy at all. Just kidding. It's beyond disturbing!
#33
David Mitchell Accurately Describing The Plight Of Woman For Something So Simple As Picking A Seat On The Bus. They're Not All Bad
Laugh or not 5 years ago
Unfortunately accurate. And I am grateful to all other women who pay attention and make room for others.
Johanna Mueller 5 years ago
huh this one isnt bad he must have had asked a woman for advice or just known many as friends
Iris Wolfie (づ ◕‿◕ )づ 5 years ago
Mainly because it's not mentioning "lady parts"
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#34
She Has A Fine, Beautifully Fleshed Skeleton, Guys. Author Jack Finney.
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
This feels like something a serial killer would say while thinking about how better to display said skeleton
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
The only way I can maybe excuse this is that it sounds like this guy is a doctor.
#35
Two Pages In. I'm Afraid To Keep Reading.
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
Jessica couldn't help it, she was drawn that way
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Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
is this describing the assassins from half life but in casual clothes
#36
An Excerpt From A 1950s Newspaper Article, Very Obviously Written By A Man
Vorknkx 5 years ago
"Also, don't forget to wag your tail, it's a very telltale sign you're happy to see him."
Neva Nevičica 5 years ago
I remember some more of such rules, i don't know if it's from the same book, but they instructed women not to let him see her putting on her facial cream and, if she feels something pleasant during her marital duties, not to express that loudly, the best would be to hide it if possible. Because, you know, only whores have orgasms and decent women don't, there's something wrong with you.
Fire Breathing Queen 5 years ago
I'll be so gay that I won't have a husband to begin with
Load More Replies... Canadian Girl 5 years ago
I guess I was born in the wrong era because I do most of these things.
Iris Wolfie (づ ◕‿◕ )づ 5 years ago
"Don't forget to change into your fishnets and matching bra-and-panties!" JEEZ!! JEEZ JEEZ JEEZ!!!!
Lorraine R 5 years ago
I think I came across something like this in (or quoted from) one of those 50s women's magazines. I was amazed when I saw "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" actually doing this on the TV show, and setting her alarm so she could get up in the morning before Mr. Maisel awoke, to put on her makeup and and fix her hair, then get back into bed.
Load More Replies... #37
Breasts Now Have Entire Personalities
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
This guy has probably been firmly and chastely refused by many breasts. I consulted with mine and they confirmed that they would indeed refuse him too.
#38
Oh Yes, Totally Normal Metaphor For A Woman's Ability To Carry Children (The Stand, Stephen King)
A_BadlyDrawnBearPic 4 years ago
So many people here have Kindles tho... I can't judge. I have one as well.
Flora Endebez 4 years ago
As many children as she wanted? You realize that is HER body, right?
#39
I Just...
Julie 5 years ago (edited)
Had her breast been suckled by other mother's children?...that's just bad writing. And another thing, the word suckled is used when referring mainly to animals. Yes we are part of the animal kingdom, but distinctions are in order! Women nurse their children, not suckle.
Jaime 5 years ago
I mean, either one works. They both get the point across.
Load More Replies... #40
For Those Asking, This Is Iq84 By Haruki Marukami
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
Funny enough I have never thought of a person's breasts while mourning their death. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
That would be a mistake. Aomame grew up in a cult and is a mass murderer... she's not really meant to be a balanced member of society; and her impulses don't reflect the author's thinking.
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Gerard Neaux 4 years ago (edited)
It's only a loss if they have breasts. Murakami has famously sick descriptions of women.
#41
Keeping Your Emotions In Your Nipples Since 1980 (Number Of The Beast, Robert A. Heinlein)
Stephanie Did It 5 years ago
Somehow I think that Deety's nipples will soon be perking up at the sound of her master's voice and swiveling toward him.
Charlotte Sandoval 5 years ago
To think, I've been a woman my whole life and my boobs have never once shown my emotions like a dog's ears would. Disappointing.
#42
Ah Yes, Women's Most Base Instinct (Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep, Philip K Dick)
Serbob 5 years ago
Reminds me of an old joke. "How did your first husband die?" "He ate poison mushrooms." "And your second husband?" "He also ate poison mushrooms." "What about your third?" "A gun shot wound." "How did that happen?" "He wouldn't eat the poison mushrooms."
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
"I'll show her how to do it... they liek to cook"... D**k was aptly surnamed.
#43
I'm Reading Joss Whedon's Original Script For Wonder Woman
#44
Living In Squalor? Don't Buy A Vacuum, Just Get Yourself A Woman! (John Grisham)
Neva Nevičica 5 years ago
Yes, you know, because when you have a penis, you don't have hands and that makes cleaning impossible.
Nala 9401 5 years ago
surely if vaginas have porch doors and breasts have expressions, penises can be used to curl around a hoover or a duster? this is just a poor effort on the guy's part if you ask me
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 5 years ago
God, if ONLY he had been born with a vagina and could clean up after himself. Poor guy!
Blue 5 years ago
I once dated a man who was shocked I was not into hemming his pants for him. he brought them over before a date and I told him to take them to the dry cleaners to be hemmed. Shocked that because I had a vagina I was not programmed to hem my mans pants. This was on the 4th and last date.
#45
Talking About The Appearance Of A Woman In A Concentration Camp. Voluptuous?! Really?!
Neva Nevičica 5 years ago
I am mildly concerned how often women in this descriptions tend to be childish/girly/baby-like and that is considered as their best part. Also, with constantly errect nipples that can cut your throat/paper/steel/wood bark
Jaime 5 years ago
I mean... nipples that can cut your throat would be pretty useful
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#46
Can't Wait For Everyone To Tell Me This Is 'Just How The Character Thinks' Because The Narrator Is A Damn Dog (The Art Of Racing In The Rain, Garth Stein)
Jo Choto 5 years ago
These guys would be so shocked to learn that hip size and childbearing capacity are in no way related.
Beli Keshini 5 years ago
I was often told I had hips good for childbearing and in fact all of my four children had to be cut out of me because I'm too narrow on the inside for babyheads.....
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#47
This Detective Just Can’t Handle Meeting Women
Laura Craig 5 years ago
"The reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the house-work" You WHAT mate?!?!?!
MellonCollie 5 years ago
Well, I was also more surprise of this comment than the one about the breasts. But I have never read this book, so I can't judge why this character would say something like this. I think we need a LOT more context here.
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maddie pealer 4 years ago
'blubby, blubby, blubby' SO YOU'RE TELLING ME MEN CAN WRITE THIS MONSTROSITY WITHOUT LAUGHING AAAAAND THINKING ITS HOT... no just no
Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago
I both know and don't know, both want to know and don't want to know, the meaning of "blubby, blubby, blubby". 0_0
#48
14 Pages In. These Girls Are 16. What The Hell Is "Light And Eager" Morning Sweat??
#49
I Don't Even Know Where To Begin With This "Speaking Of Which, Her Breasts" Sir We Were Not Speaking Of Them At All "A Body Assembled Of Flat Planes" What Is She, A Piece Of Woodwork? (The Murderer's Daughter, Jonathan Kellerman)
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
Ok, on a scale from best to worst, this is on the badder end of "fanfic general tolerability".
Load More Replies... #50
Men Write About Women
#51
Ah Yes, A Completely Normal Way To Describe One’s Daughter.
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
Is this Lolita? Cause that is purposefully written in a gross manner as our narrator is a pedo
Natalie KS 5 years ago
A father describing his fourteen-year-old daughter as 'sexy' is perverse! Also, what's with men's fascination with 14 yr old female CHILDREN?! Just disgusting!!
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
Not for long. *weird al's christmas at ground zero starts playing*
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#52
The Very Real Scientific Explanation™️ Of How Babies Are Made #submission (Cat Magic, Whitley Strieber)
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Why do we even need pregnancy tests?
Stina Kolling 5 years ago
"Beatified by her womanhood"--yep, because we're not women until we get knocked up, and once we ARE knocked up, we are now Saint Mommy!
Natalie KS 5 years ago
She sure has some hypersensitive innards if she can feel her fallopian tubes!
taylors version 1 year ago
I can confirm as a mother of 2 that this is how babies are conceived.In fact, i like to narrate the journey as it makes it way into my body./s
#53
Well, My Tits Have Stood Up And Walked Out (Cosmopolis, Don Delillo)
Michał Jastrzębski 5 years ago
I, too, would inhale my food after talking like that, if only to die and save myself from embarasment...
#54
I Hate When My Titties Get In The Way Of Fighting
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
he's gonna look like the titanic after she stops turning him into paste
Load More Replies... #55
What??
Jaded Queen 5 years ago
Strength in softness and waitingness ."obligation of aggresivness" "die a little as yields to sleep" god I wanna die. I wanna die. I can't . No hope for literature or intellect or common sense. I pray to the goddess to descend upon humans in her fiery form and melt the skin off there torso. Coz that should be their punishment for writing such horrid things.
Azziza 5 years ago
Is he saying women don't get insomnia? Because women definitely get insomnia.
Charlotte Sandoval 5 years ago
No, we are too soft for such manly things. Our womb auras wouldn't let us have insomnia
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Lindsey Judd-Bruder 4 years ago
Honestly, I think this one was just saying that women are "supposed" to always be strong and loving, while men are "supposed" to always be strong, and aggressive. But in his sleep, a man is "soft", and defenseless. And she saw his vulnerability. Which made her momentarily sympathetic. Something like that, anyway. Doesn't mean it's right, and damned if I know what kind of aura a womb has, lol. It's definitely weird. But that's what I got out of it. 🤷
#56
Please Hear Me When I Say That Stephen King Has Literally No Chill And His Writing Of Women Is More Terrifying Than Any Novel He's Ever Written
Random Panda 5 years ago
Wtf, breasts don't stand "naturally upright" when a woman is lying down, unless they're full of silicone.
Beli Keshini 5 years ago
Right! The look doughy and lay around quite useless...
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 5 years ago
Anybody who has breasts will tell you that when you lie down, they descend sideways. Fact.
bv7hearts 5 years ago
And the older you get, the further down they descend until you can use them as an added back support.
Load More Replies... Yana Makarevitch 5 years ago
How do we even carry on the plot if we don't find out what the heroine's nipples look like?
La Petite Morte 5 years ago
After the second kid, my breasts usually head for my armpits when I'm laying flat on my back. If I clamp my arms hard against my sides and force my shoulders up and in I can kinda reach 'unbaked macaroon shell'... naturally upright hasn't happened since the early 90's, and even then it was more like they could be described as 'not pointed at the floor'.
#57
This Is More Terrifying Than The Clown, Tbh (It, Stephen King)
Tamsin Far 5 years ago
Men must be so sad that they can nurse only toilet paper.... calling to them "Nurse us. Nurse us. Nurse us on s**t!"
Kimberly Young 5 years ago
I wonder if Stephen King would be proud of the number of times he's been mentioned in this post...
Eggwithaleg 4 years ago
This sentence really hits different when you say it in an elmo and kermit voice.
#58
Honestly I Think This Is The Most Sexist Description We've Gotten Wtf David (John Dies At The End, David Wong)
😸Marik😺 5 years ago
At least her breasts are attached to her body, without beeing smiling, depressed, bouncing or even floating... just - attached.
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
To be fair, the book is satire and hilarious. Pretty sure Wong described her as "boobs attached to a woman" to make fun of how all these other guys write.
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
He is a satirist by trade, used to be the house editor for Cracked. Maybe satire gone wrong?
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
Or satire done right. He's was making fun of how men write about women.
Load More Replies... Flora Endebez 4 years ago
Can I just ask why men think that pretty people have to have blue eyes
#59
It's Not Sexist If You're Comparing Her To A Boy!!!
Charlotte A. 5 years ago
Whereas if you lift and wave a fat old man, it rumbles like thunder...
Natalie KS 5 years ago (edited)
Blubbery, loose skin slapping against itself like sharp cracks of lightning, followed by the inevitable, thunderous sound of an enormous gut smooshing repeatedly against infant-sized genitals that he has not seen since 1985.
Load More Replies... *sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 5 years ago
I shouldn't be laughing but imagine a man grabbing a very long and thin woman by the foot and just yeeting her like a whip lmao
#60
Rosalind Franklin Was A Badass, And This Is How James Watson Described Her, The Woman Who Discovered The Molecular Structure Of Dna
Lord Mysticlaw 5 years ago
We're all trying to save our daughters from marriages to dull men and bad authors
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
Watson is notorious for being a racist, sexist fuckwad. He was stripped of a number of scientific honors because of it. Too bad he still gets credit for stealing Franklin's X-ray crystallography data and passing it off as his own.
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
This is the same bigot who got stripped of his scientific honors ( finally) for his ridiculous sexist and racist comments. https://www.vox.com/2019/1/15/18182530/james-watson-racist
Natalie KS 5 years ago
James Watson, an old, withered scientist, disgraced by his own misogyny and racism, aged into a bald, liver spot-encrusted version of the Crypt Keeper. His appearance, not unlike a corpse marinating in brackish water, reflected his utter lack of character across a pasty, maggot-coloured flesh that covered his face like an ill-fitting pair of stained tighty whities.
Load More Replies... Natalie KS 5 years ago
Everyone knows a woman's value isn't in her intellect but her appearance. She is too smart for him so he describes her as essentially hysterical (a term reserved for uppity women who think they're as smart as a man). Smh 😢
#61
Literally What Part Of A Breast Looks Like A Goddamn Flower #submission (Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks)
#62
Ah Yes, Nothing Like Seeing Some Casual Sexism Slipped In (Enders Game, Orson Scott Card)
_Thirteen13_ 4 years ago
Cant believe i glossed over this before. Still my favorite book, though. I’m in it for the plot.
#63
Mmm Please Only Describe Me As Carb-Based Foods From Now On
N G 5 years ago
I had to Google this, because its clearly not a cross-cultural thing. Here's what Wikepedia says: "A popover is a light roll made from an egg batter similar to that of Yorkshire pudding" So misshapen and slightly burned (if my cooking is anything to go by...)?
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#64
Marion Deserves Better. "Had An Affair With Her When She Was Eleven." Face Vomiting (George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, And Lawrence Kasdan Brainstorming Marion's Character In Indiana Jones)
Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
Lucas: "Once she's sixteen or seventeen it's not interesting anymore". WTF?!
Vero Morales 5 years ago
they try to cover it saying she came onto him...
Load More Replies... Natalie KS 5 years ago
Why do men think pubescent girls (can and do) get sexually aroused whenever they see wrinkly, old men? These perverts all have paedophile 'Lolita' fantasies, which is nauseating!
#65
Know We're Not Supposed To Poo-Poo Someone's Fetish, But This Is Downright Weird (Paris Trance, Geoff Dyer)
Bacony Cakes 4 years ago
Do we take this guy's advice? BurnIt5-5f...fa3436.jpg 
#66
--I Don't Even Know Where To Begin But There's No Reason This Book Should Have 3.5 Stars On Amazon #submission (Journey To The Year One Billion, Gary Martin)
Beli Keshini 5 years ago
"Girls with big titties have children, girls with small titties have brains."?!?!? And dudes with small brains write books or what?!
*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 5 years ago
just...the way he worded it, it sounds like a woman is growing boobs for harvest or something...
Jo Choto 5 years ago
Somebody gets a prize for managing to be sexist AND racist with casual ease.
SeaShell 5 years ago
Why should they get a prize for being so sexist and racist?
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Lesbian Thespian 1 year ago
t...teardrop shaped? eggplant shaped? HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN BOOBS BEFORE???
#67
Tbh After I Lost My Virginity I Thought, "Huh, So That's Sex..." (Til We Have Faces, Cs Lewis)
La Petite Morte 5 years ago
He wasn't always Christian, that's just what most people remember about him (The Screwtape Letters, The Narnia Chronicles). He was a staunch atheist for decades, before he met Tolkien. It was Tolkien who converted him to Christianity. ~~ Honestly, aside from Voyage of the Dawn Treader having THE best opening line of any book ever I think some of his best writing was from the pre- converted period.
Load More Replies... Draga Millani 4 years ago
ngl if it was r*ape it very well could feel like something was stolen from you
#68
Men Write About Women
#69
Men Write About Women
#70
Me: Maybe I Should Finally Give Writing A Real Shot Also Me: Nah I'm Not That Good, Why Bother Men:
Charlotte A. 5 years ago
I think it's at least 3 women described in pretty much the same overdone way. Though actually, I'm not sure if it's women, given the labrador pups and mannequin mentions and the pawing and yelping and what not. And virility-brown? seriously? o.O
Load More Replies... Flash Henry 5 years ago
I feel like a truck full of unrelated adjectives just crashed all over the page
La Petite Morte 5 years ago (edited)
Or this author was beaten repeatedly with a thesaurus as a child. ~~ How is it that 'gimlet- eyed paragon of pulchritude' missed being included in that mess? ~~ This genuinely feels like "I have the biglyest of brains because I has the larglyest of words! The best words! All the bestest of bigly words are mine!"
Load More Replies... *sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 5 years ago
he's describing the scene like they're in a dog porn?? A "sexy" dog?? "I noticed her scrolled ears and her elegant nose" "I yelped at being caught" "she nuzzled me with her nose" "Her luminous, heavenly-white teeth" "as she pawed me" "her oxbow lips positively drooled with goodness"
Beli Keshini 5 years ago
God, that's so bad it almost hurts.... Please, somebody forbid this person to write books for all our sakes!
Sheta Kaey 5 years ago
TLDR: Legally speaking, this is torture. The only reason they can get away with it is that you were clearly asking for it. Next time, read something more modest and stay away from the liquor. Jeez.
Jane Dorothy Warner 5 years ago
These guys get published and my wonderful stories don't. Urgh :(
*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 5 years ago
see, sometimes in English class, our teachers say that we over-describe a character. This is an example of that. They also say that we mostly see this type of over-descriptive writing in writings by people under the age of 15.
#71
Ah Yes, The Only Three Professions A Woman Can Hold (Cocaine Nights, Jg Ballard)
Ljdia 5 years ago
I feel bad for her. With a "mouth designed for any activity other than eating", how long can she survive??
Gerard Neaux 4 years ago
"a strong mouth designed for any activity other than eating", so say laying a brick wall is better suited to mouths than eating. 10/10 genius.
Aria Dayan 4 years ago
Of course. Let's just ignore the famous wealthy women people write articles about. I mean- LOGIK
Harleen Kaur 3 4 years ago
yep I loveeeeeeeeeeeee ruining my mascara right girls and boy (I'm reading this with my friends and that's what my friends said)
#72
Bc The Only Thing To Mourn About A Woman's Death Is Her... Body? (World Without End, Ken Follet)
Charlotte A. 5 years ago
In his defence he usually has very strong and capable heroines in his stories, and I'm pretty sure a "small thing" can make grief well up for a lost one, without being what one misses the most. I certainly don't think this is as bad as the ones that define a woman by her vagina or giver her breasts feelings...
Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago
Imagine the funeral: "I'm so sorry for your loss." "I'm really gonna miss Silviaaaaa.....'s boobs"
#73
Men Write About Women
Natalie KS 5 years ago
Only unattractive women are smart. Pretty women don't need brains because they have expressive breasts.
#74
Are Your Breasts Proud ?
*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 5 years ago
yes. women are pleased when a man tells her she has whore-colored hair. take notes, boys. -_-
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
Is "whore" colour similar to "slut" colour? Why is it called that? Where the hell did he get that idea from?
Load More Replies... N G 5 years ago
I dont want to defend this, but there is an alternative definition of "proud" that is, for want of a better word, an appropriate descriptor for breasts. It's more of a British colloquialism, but it means "slightly projecting from a surface".
Azziza 5 years ago
This is true, and it didn't even cross my mind. Thanks for pointing that out. So the proud breast thing is ok and not really that weird. Still, I'm pretty sure that most women don't like to be told they resemble whores in any capacity.
Load More Replies... #75
After Reading This, My Breasts Are Now Crying Things
Natalie KS 5 years ago
'Her breasts were laughing things that were firmly in place...' ?! Does this mean her breasts are so perky they can do stand-up comedy?
La Petite Morte 5 years ago
What does one boob say to the other boob? ~~~~ I hope we'll be the breast of friends! ~~~~ Har har har, thank you folks, I'll be here all night...
Load More Replies... Gerard Neaux 4 years ago
So, "her breasts were laughing things that were firmly in place". Her expressive breasts that have their own feelings were preoccupied with throwing a fit of laughter at the moment. They shook in all directions, animated by their own internal life, so it was very lucky they were so firmly affixed in place so as not to be in danger of falling off.
#76
I'm From The Midwest So When I'm Surprised My Breasts Say "Ope, Sorry About That!
Jaded Queen 5 years ago
Lmfao. This post has me in stitches. It's so bad. It deserves its own spoof comedy segments. But some of them r really seriously disturbing and all of them r gross
Load More Replies... #77
All Confrontational Women Were Molested At Some Point.
Marshmellow fan 5 years ago
Let me tell u something author u are forking stupid and need to go to a therapist pls
La Petite Morte 5 years ago
Like one of those college girls.... so going to college automatically equals rude & abuse victim. Huh. Oh no, wait, daring to speak your opinions out loud equals rude & abuse victim. Gotcha.
#78
This Pussy Bites Back #submission (The Devil All The Time, Donald Ray Pollock)
Jaded Queen 5 years ago
Nobody remembers body parts however once u thought were perfect after 50+ yrs. U only remember how they made u feel. U also forget with time, how they looked
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
Abridged version: househousehousepaintingpaintingboobsfuneralfuneralmassgrave
Ljdia 5 years ago
He sobbed with grief for the death of her... body. I haven't read the book. But reading this makes me again sad, because the only thing he thinks about when lamenting Silvia's death is her (now non-accessible) body. When we truly like and miss a person, their sexual body is not the first thing on the list (of things we miss). Unless it was a very superficial relationship - but then, why the crying and the grief?
Jaded Queen 5 years ago
If that is actually true sure make it. There r gold digger manipulating women. But dude don't come here and tout ur one men experience and compare with the thousands years of atrocities committed against women across civilisations and culture and still being committed. Men & women both r good and bad. This however was an extremely funny post. Nobody asked u to come here and share ur stupid views. U r the kind of person who has no humor and is a "nice guy". U see women as described in this post that is why u r so offended. I m a woman and in comments I m joking how breasts r portrayed and not offended, even when I should be. U r the kind of reader that read such weird , unreal and stupid description of women's and think this is how we are. Shame on u. Teach ur daughter to be strong and have drems. Instead of being "good". I don't think u understand "good"
Load More Replies... Add New Image
What do you think ?
Miss Milinky 5 years ago
I am suddenly very aware that my breasts are complete underachievers. Does anyone know how I train them to do even half the things listed in this post? Most of the Boobs here seem to have the intelligence and sentience of the average 4 year old human child. I've just tried, but I can't even get mine to express mild disapproval. :-(
Ms.GB 5 years ago
I'm beginning to think my breasts are just a couple of freeloaders, is there someway I can motivate them into doing something more than just hanging out and getting in the way?
Load More Replies...
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
I am amazed at how many have a tenuous understanding at best of female anatomy and how they anthropomorphize breasts and give them more personality than their female characters.
Martha Meyer 5 years ago
The problem here is that women are nothing but sexual objects to these types of men.
Load More Replies...
Maeve O’Loughlin 5 years ago
Challenge: describe yourselves in the style of these entries. I myself am tall, dark haired and willowy, with eyes like winter ice and breasts that are furious at the world around me.
Martha Meyer 5 years ago
No, go and describe men in the way these authors describe women. There will be so many confused and frowning penises!
Load More Replies...
Celtic Pirate Queen 5 years ago (edited)
I was the US print buyer for an international glass company (think FAST) My boss's frat brother had started a printing company and wanted our business. Knowing I had no intention of switching companies (and that it as entirely my decision) , my boss set up a meet & greet, just for show. Now, back in the day - I was much thinner and pretty hot. Wearing the company V-neck sweater, I met with Ed. Even before we went into the conference room he was staring at my bust (which has always been a blessing & a curse). As I was introducing myself, he was just staring at my boobs. I asked him a few questions and he literally ANSWERED MY BOOBS. I'd had enough and bent my head down to meet his eyes and said, "They don't speak, Ed". He turned purple, my boss almost fell off his chair laughing & I just calmly left the room. No. He did not get our business.
Nomadus Aureus 5 years ago
Who the ever-loving f**k publishes this crap? HOW did *these* end up in production, on a shelf and then get bought?!
Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
Everyone who intends to write a physical description needs to attend one autopsy, start to finish, for a person of each gender. You lose the mystique and the stupid pretty quick that way.
Cori 5 years ago
I went to the cadaver lab with my high school anatomy class. Plus I get extra bonus points because a student forgot to properly um... store his cadaver, so I now know we're all just a bunch of sentient beef jerky.
Load More Replies...
blugeagua 5 years ago
What is with these men's obsession with female breasts? Among many other problematic stuff. And even little girls. Yuck!
Bubbs Art 5 years ago
I’m with you. Men really have no idea how to write a decent female character without falling for all these tropes listed imo
Load More Replies...
Sara Rodrigues 5 years ago (edited)
How far authors go to give visual descriptions and feelings, but instead miss the point entirely and end up writing the most ridiculous things. But we shouldn't just mention the authors, as the books are always reviewed by editors and many others, and not a single person though about questioning these things...
rainforest 5 years ago
I no longer remember which book exactly it was, but Haruki Murakami had a female character who was so poor that she had only one bra and she had to wash it every evening. Wash it every evening! Dude! I'll never forget that xD
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago (edited)
I am certain some people do that. I was at a friends place when her son hollered "Mom, there are no ironed socks!" He was like 17 or 18 and she promptly ironed a pair of socks for him. He didn't know that you could wear socks that had not been ironed. My own teenage son did not know that anyone could/would iron socks and neither did I.
Load More Replies... Charlotte 5 years ago
These make me think of the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast. This guy discovered his dad has been writing erotica for years and is genuinely confused how he was ever conceived! It’s comedy gold - very much NSFW and also NSF Driving, as you’ll laugh so much you’ll crash!
Michael Se 5 years ago
And shockingly... Rocky Flintstone is a better writer than some of these!
Load More Replies... Miss Milinky 5 years ago
I am suddenly very aware that my breasts are complete underachievers. Does anyone know how I train them to do even half the things listed in this post? Most of the Boobs here seem to have the intelligence and sentience of the average 4 year old human child. I've just tried, but I can't even get mine to express mild disapproval. :-(
Ms.GB 5 years ago
I'm beginning to think my breasts are just a couple of freeloaders, is there someway I can motivate them into doing something more than just hanging out and getting in the way?
Load More Replies... Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
I am amazed at how many have a tenuous understanding at best of female anatomy and how they anthropomorphize breasts and give them more personality than their female characters.
Martha Meyer 5 years ago
The problem here is that women are nothing but sexual objects to these types of men.
Load More Replies... Maeve O’Loughlin 5 years ago
Challenge: describe yourselves in the style of these entries. I myself am tall, dark haired and willowy, with eyes like winter ice and breasts that are furious at the world around me.
Martha Meyer 5 years ago
No, go and describe men in the way these authors describe women. There will be so many confused and frowning penises!
Load More Replies... Celtic Pirate Queen 5 years ago (edited)
I was the US print buyer for an international glass company (think FAST) My boss's frat brother had started a printing company and wanted our business. Knowing I had no intention of switching companies (and that it as entirely my decision) , my boss set up a meet & greet, just for show. Now, back in the day - I was much thinner and pretty hot. Wearing the company V-neck sweater, I met with Ed. Even before we went into the conference room he was staring at my bust (which has always been a blessing & a curse). As I was introducing myself, he was just staring at my boobs. I asked him a few questions and he literally ANSWERED MY BOOBS. I'd had enough and bent my head down to meet his eyes and said, "They don't speak, Ed". He turned purple, my boss almost fell off his chair laughing & I just calmly left the room. No. He did not get our business.
Nomadus Aureus 5 years ago
Who the ever-loving f**k publishes this crap? HOW did *these* end up in production, on a shelf and then get bought?!
Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
Everyone who intends to write a physical description needs to attend one autopsy, start to finish, for a person of each gender. You lose the mystique and the stupid pretty quick that way.
Cori 5 years ago
I went to the cadaver lab with my high school anatomy class. Plus I get extra bonus points because a student forgot to properly um... store his cadaver, so I now know we're all just a bunch of sentient beef jerky.
Load More Replies... blugeagua 5 years ago
What is with these men's obsession with female breasts? Among many other problematic stuff. And even little girls. Yuck!
Bubbs Art 5 years ago
I’m with you. Men really have no idea how to write a decent female character without falling for all these tropes listed imo
Load More Replies... Sara Rodrigues 5 years ago (edited)
How far authors go to give visual descriptions and feelings, but instead miss the point entirely and end up writing the most ridiculous things. But we shouldn't just mention the authors, as the books are always reviewed by editors and many others, and not a single person though about questioning these things...
rainforest 5 years ago
I no longer remember which book exactly it was, but Haruki Murakami had a female character who was so poor that she had only one bra and she had to wash it every evening. Wash it every evening! Dude! I'll never forget that xD
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago (edited)
I am certain some people do that. I was at a friends place when her son hollered "Mom, there are no ironed socks!" He was like 17 or 18 and she promptly ironed a pair of socks for him. He didn't know that you could wear socks that had not been ironed. My own teenage son did not know that anyone could/would iron socks and neither did I.
Load More Replies... Charlotte 5 years ago
These make me think of the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast. This guy discovered his dad has been writing erotica for years and is genuinely confused how he was ever conceived! It’s comedy gold - very much NSFW and also NSF Driving, as you’ll laugh so much you’ll crash!
Michael Se 5 years ago
And shockingly... Rocky Flintstone is a better writer than some of these!
Load More Replies...
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