“I Am Starving Him”: Teen Flips Out Over Reduced Food Portions, People Online Take His Side
Our childhood food habits often stay with us well into adulthood, so parents are encouraged to model healthy behaviors for their kids.
However, Reddit user Main-Bat-2458 started feeling like she had to take drastic measures. In a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘, the mother revealed that she was struggling with her son’s excessive eating, so she decided to limit his intake.
But this soon spiralled into a huge conflict between them and now she’s unsure if she made the right decision.
Kids need to fuel their growing bodies with enough food, but this mom thought her son was having too much
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
So she decided to limit it against his will
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Main-Bat-2458
Tweens and teens need extra fuel for a healthy mind and body
It might sound like the 16-year-old is eating a lot if we compare him to the average adult, but we have to consider the context. Classes, after-school programs, fluctuating moods — everything plays a part.
“Kids often have a hard time fueling their activities,” said Cara Marrs, registered dietitian nutritionist at UCHealth Yampa Valley Medical Center. “We need to remember that they’re not just fueling for sports and activities like adults, but they are forming organs and bones as well.”
How many calories should a teenager eat a day?
According to Marrs, when it comes to caloric intake, there is a notable difference between boys and girls, pre-adolescents and 16- or 17-year-olds, and athletes and non-athletes.
It could further depend upon how many hours a day a girl or boy practices, the specific sport, and how much they weigh. With that being said, the broad ballpark numbers to keep in mind are:
- For children ages 6-10 = 2,000 calories/day;
- For boys ages 11-15 = 2,500/daily and girls = 2,200/daily;
- Older teens = about 3,000 calories a day, but more active athletes may need up to 5,000/daily.
Since the mom said the issue is not about health, it’s a bit curious why she decided to take away some of the foods.
Marrs said parents can limit ultra-processed products, but they shouldn’t create taboos or ultimatums as they can create issues.
Instead, parents can set a good example for their children by making healthy food choices in front of them, sharing meals together when possible, and offering lots of options.
“Kids are smart, they’re savvy, and if we talk to them in an adult manner about the reasons why we want them to be eating in a nourishing way, you often get a good response from them,” she added.
As the story went viral, a heated discussion broke out in the comments between its author and the people who read it
I can't believe all the yta people. It's simple. She buys snacks for the week for the kids, all of the kids, but 1 kid eats it all in a matter of a day. No. Just no. You can't just let one kid eat everything and let the others go without. So set limits on the snacks so everyone can have some. Provide extra at mealtime. And the kid can make a sandwich whenever he wants. He isn't gonna die. He isn't starving. We are talking about snacks here.
Header should actually be "Teen Flips Out Over Reduced Snack And Candy Portions, People Online Take His Side". People here don't seem to do, the majority gets the point of the mother. Which is unlimited fruit, veg and sandwiches - and family shared cooked meals; as the latter requires planning and time to prepare three times a day for in total 6 persons, a reasonable strategy. (edit:typo)
So why doesn't she increase the amount of food she buys for cooked meals, if she never has enough? It takes maybe 10% longer to prepare and cook two pounds of chicken as it takes to cook one pound of chicken.
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1. Start a food diary for a few days and see what he actually DOES eat (what food, portion sizes etc) and not what you THINK he eats. Get an accurate picture. 2. If he truly is getting a high caloric intake, check to see if he ever actually feels satiated. If he never has a sense of being 'full', that could be significant. 3. See a doctor AND a nutritionist if he never feels full or if his actual caloric intake is unusually high. The nutritionist can advise of foods that are healthy but will help he feel satiated. The doctor can screen for different issues if that is a possibility. I've heard of Prader-Willi syndrome, but that's rare. And, heck, tapeworms can be a thing.
Prader-Willi syndrome is INSATIABLE appetite from childhood and also comes with developmental and behavioural issues, it's picked up much earlier - and yes, it's rare. (Just informing - I know someone who has a child with it.) I agree with your suggestions! I know that I, personally, maintained about 55kg as a 166cm sedentary female at 23yo on ~2500kcal (121lbs, 5'5.5) - as a 40s female I imagine she's used to doing meal portions for herself and children when they were younger, and those energy needs will be much lower. Her son is growing and as a male is putting down muscle, which takes a lot more energy than growing boobs (which still takes energy!) Limiting his intake of processed snacks (especially if he is eating his siblings' share) might not be a bad thing but providing homemade hummus, pb sandwiches etc offers filling and cheap nutrition.
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I eat about 4 times as much as the average person, and when I was a teen it was more like 10 times. I'm thin and fit, but it's sometimes embarrassing how much I need, especially if someone else is providing. I totally hear the mother about limiting junk food while there are fruits and vegetables available. Limit on the main dish? That could just be economics, but say it's economics. Stand up and admit "I simply can't afford that" instead of implying that the kid is at fault for wanting more good food.
The mother explained that he eats simply because he wants to, because he "likes to eat." She doesn't starve him at all and she lets him get fruit and healthy meals as much as he wants. The kid is just having a teenage tantrum because he wants to stuff himself with candy and snacks all day. And finally, if the teenager in question was a girl, everyone would take the mother's side by saying that "it's for her good" and would surely already be talking about "eating disorders" but here it's a boy then "it's natural Bla Bla it's normal Bla Bla metabolism Bla Bla let him eat" He will survive lol
Binge eating disorder is the least popular eating disorder to talk about because more people have it
Load More Replies... Teach the kid how to grocery shop and cook. He’s 16 now, and will be 18, then 21 before you know it. He’ll be out on his own, and will absolutely need to know how to feed himself—-stay on a grocery budget, choose food at the grocery, cook that food to save money (instead of wasting money on takeout)—-especially on an entry level salary, so they’re useful skills all around.
Great suggestion. Plus then maybe he will realize the economic value and why it selfish of him.
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The OP mentioned her son plays basketball regularly; if he's an active athlete then the excessive protein and calorie intake might make sense. Teens eat like it's going out of style but the family doesn't have an unlimited budget and their needs to be some snacks and dinner left for the younger kids. Considering he's getting three meals, with two servings, plus all the sandwiches and carrot sticks or apple slices he can eat I'd say that should be enough for even a football player. Some gave suggested he might have a metabolic issue but I'm putting my money on the kid having 'the munchies'. Getting high with his friends, coming home and eating everything he can stuff in his mouth while lying on the couch.
Dude WTF? He sounds like a brat. She's not limiting healthy food, just junky snacks. If he wants to eat that stuff non stop he needs to get a job and buy them himself! And it's illegal for the grandparents to "kidnap" the kid. She needs to go drag his whiny a$$ home ASAP. With police presence if necessary.
Just because someone is a healthy weight, doesn't mean they're healthy. He's eating 6/7 proteins a day with unlimited healthy snacks and sandwiches. That's without the rest. Fancy saying someone is an a*****e because she doing the right thing. That amount that he was eating will pile on him in a few years. A weeks worth of snacks in a day???? He's a brat who needs to stop acting like a little boy. The younger ones were fine with it. Grow up. I will say that "this shouldn't have got this bad though"
3 or 4 servings, full plates, every meal is NOT just normal teen appetite. Especially combined with this degree of reaction. There's *something* wrong here that needs addressing.
When we were teenagers, my brother could easily eat three times the amount of food I did. I was reading, and programming computers. He was playing rugby, football, tennis, circuit training... He couldn't sit still.
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my 4 kids with very high metabolisms ate a lot. 3 boys 1 girl, there was always a limit to snacky things but cereal fruit etc were at their will as much as possible. Single mom here so there is only so much money. I could bring home bags of food and have it gone in no time. I feel her pain but she is NOT starving her son.
Don't take him to an all you can eat restaurant, he'll be kicked out and told never to return.
The people saying NTA never had a teenager. When my kids were teenagers, they ate SO much food! It's a phase. When they get a little older and their metabolism slows down, it goes back to normal.
But did you give your teens unlimited snack foods and the same amount for meals as almost the rest of the family combined? Is it really so bad that the kid has to go for fruit, veggies, and sandwiches after 5 snacks each day? He can eat as much as he wants, she's just limiting the less healthy stuff and a lot of work for her stuff.
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I remember what a bottomless pit I was as a teenager and now I’m raising my own teenager. If his doctor isn’t concerned then the parents shouldn’t be concerned. A teenage metabolism is crazy, take him to a dietitian and let the boy eat.
He is allowed to inhale as much fruit, vegs and sandwiches as he desires - the tantrum is about a) he has to prepare them himself and b) this isn't candy
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She took the kid to the doctor, and nothing was wrong.
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Sounds like hyperthyroitism for me. Either way - she explained boy can have as many fruit veg and sandwiches as he likes. The fit is about snacks - aka candy bars etc.
As far as I know, if he had hyperthyroidism he would lose weight, even if he ate a mountain of food every day. And the mother says she took him to the doctor but nothing was wrong. It could be something physical the doctor didn't see, but it sounds more like boredom, a tantrum, or... the kid is smoking pot with his friends instead of playing basketball.
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I understand the mom’s frustration but this almost makes me wonder a little…. It doesn’t sound like the kid is overeating if he’s still a healthy weight. If he’s STILL constantly hungry, but the mom is too annoyed to provide enough food to support his appetite….those are two different problems. #1 is the kid needs more to eat, and #2 is the mom needs to find a way to accept that she’s annoyed by having to make sure her teenager has enough to eat so he isn’t feeling hungry and miserable, and do what she can to get over it. She says he’s a healthy weight, but his body is asking him for more food because it’s trying to grow. I was a teenager once too and I remember the weird seemingly bottomless hunger. It’s not one single problem where the answer is either the mom or the kid is right, it’s two problems that need two solutions.
The post makes it seem like the limits are on junky snacks and 2 servings at dinner. Healthy snacks are unlimited (including pb and js) and that the larger problem is that whatever extra he wants he has to make for himself. I don't get the impression that she's in any way actually keeping any food away from him. Just that she's only making a certain amount of dinner. From what I understand of the post, the issue lies with the fact he she won't cook extra for him. And a 16 year old is perfectly capable of making 3 pb and js if need be. But again. That's how I'm reading the post.
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I don't think that people understand how much a teen can eat, especially if he's into sports. Once We had my cousin who was 15 at the time stay with us while his parents went on a month-long trip over the pond. He was playing water polo. That kid could eat an ungodly amount of food for every meal. I'm talking about owen-sized pizza for lunch, and an hour later he was already digging through the fridge. Desert? A jar of Nutella with no problem. He was 0% fat, only muscles. OP said that her kid plays a lot of basketball. It might be a similar situation, and it's hard to believe to a normal person how much food is necessary for some young athletes.
If his weight isn't increasing he's not eating too much. Is there an issue with what he's eating? Perhaps, but given her attitude my first reaction is that there aren't as many calories available to him as she thinks. For those who think he just wants junk food--note that he's going bottomless pit on dinner, also. I will say that there are some people who simply need more. I married one of those bottomless pits, her calorie consumption used to be way above what would be normal for her size and activity level. No medical issues, only minor size variations and that was related to activity level and would soon revert when she went back to normal activity.
Should check to see if he's hyperthyroid. My son started eating like that and we tried things like OP did but then we discovered he was hyperthyroid and was literally starving to death no matter how much he ate. Once on proper medication he got more normal.
I have a 14 yo boy and my lord does he eat. I would never limit what he eats.
As a couple people point out, limiting makes sense if it's junk food. It's a bit hard to know whether the person in this story is right or not. They say the kid isn't fat and talk about meals but don't actually mention calories or how tall/heavy the kid actually is. A tall, athletic kid who is constantly playing sport needs a lot more calories than a short, sedentary kid who sits in front of the tv/pc all day. In my view they should be trying to work out just how many calories the food actually adds up to and then looking at how much the kid is realistically expected to need. An average teenage boy will need something between 2600-3200 calories a day. So compare the calories in the food to that before making a judgment.
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I'm really glad my mother never tried to limit how much we had to eat. My younger brother hit a growth spurt and ate double what an adult would eat in a day, we would go out to eat and he would order two meals instead of one. He's now 6 ft 2 and still lean like he always has been. And no eating disorders in my family...
Be careful discussing this in front of the younger sibs. I used to run support groups for EDs and middle and youngest children who restrict because of the food conflict with the older sibling is not an uncommon origin story.
OP needs to emphasize to the grandparents that she is only limiting packaged snacks- that fruits/veggies/ sandwiches are always available for the teen. OP also needs to remember that an active, healthy weight teen is NOT overeating- he might be eating more than his fair share of snacks ( and meal portions that need to be shared with siblings) and THAT is what needs to be emphasized to any interested parties...
I Wonder how much food she considers a portion. Many woman I know, especially in their 40's just eat way less then men. I am trans, but even before testosterone, I was eating 3 times the portion that my mother had. And I am skinny (52kg for 170 cm height) She just eats very little portions because she is obsessed with gaining weight. She was constantly trying to police everyone, not knowing how much calories anyone eats, and how much they should. I bet here is the same since op never mentiones that. Yeah, sporty guy, who grows up, and grows muscles, need energy. Testosterone makes you more hungry as well. The first few weeks I felt liie I am starving all the time. I bet He doesnt get enough protein, mother tries to push salads and fruits, which OK, are important, but they are not calorie dense. You eat them and you are still hungry. Give dude some protein shakes, meat, whole grains, probably some supliments and he will be fine.
I would look into any possible disabilites. There are some disabilities that effect your body's ability to feel cues - so he might not be able to tell when he's hungry or full. Eating disorders are also common with ADHD, and there might be some sort of oral stimming in the eating.
She's NOT STARVING the kid, a kid eats a whole week's worth of snakes in one day, that's ridiculous, and he's not the only baby in the crib. The coast of food today is out ridiculous, let the grandparents feed him, and see how long that lasts. Maybe mom should take him to the Dr and see what's going on here.
NTA, if he's eating that much he won't be healthy for long. There is a problem there, medical, psychological or rebellion but if a serving is a healthy size then he doesn't need all those snacks and extra helpings
Having cooked for my brother and 4 of his mates a few times when they were on active duty locally, needing to maintain peak muscle mass, fitness, and an enormous energy expenditure constantly, engines need decent fuel and it is expensive. I was gobsmacked how much they could put away without stopping. They were needing to eat at least 6 full meals a day plus nibbling on fruit and sandwiches in between if peckish and none of them were overweight. I remember the amount of planning for one weekend and was mostly BBQing the meats to keep up with them as that was the easiest. I went to the butcher shop pre-ordering about 100kg of meat, dozens of eggs and then going to the fruit markets to get boxes of fruit and veg and there was almost nothing left by the Monday. I was very glad I did not have to feed them all the time or I would have gone broke and never left the kitchen!
It sounds, to me, that they have to reach common ground and fix the problem between them. No outside influences from the Family. My Family had seven children. I could eat a lot. What I did was ask my brothers and sisters to pass the food they didn't want to me. They didn't have a metabolism like myself. It was a good arrangement as they got their fill and I eat the rest. One loaf bread for me, my meal my Mothere prepared, I got my extra food courtesy off my Brothers and Sisters. They saying was Mother I don't want this. Pass it down to Garbage guts was the answer. Of course if they had Sweets there was no way I would get them. That was their luxury. I was also wondering if the other Children ate all of their food? That was my way to solve getting what I thought I needed. It took cooperation from all of the Family and no extra food was used.
The kid needs to get a job at McDonalds or somewhere to help pay for the grocery bills. He also was told what he could eat without limits but he eats all the snacks that the other kids should be able to enjoy so HE is the jerk...not the parent. Also, ALL kids seem to make a mountain out of a molehill these days saying a parent is abusive when they are spoiled, wealthy white kids. They need to be drop shipped into a 3rd world country and told to survive for a week. They would have a different world view and be more appreciative after the experience.
I'd say limit his carb options. People on meat and vegetables are not that hungry and it's healthy to eat protein and vegetables. Lots of raw vegetables, boiled vegetables, sauce, a solid portion of meat. One potato. Give him carrots, eggs, dry sausage for a snack. A full corn bread sandwich with cheese and veggies. No sugar in soft drinks. Sugar makes people hungry! Reduce sugar in his food and he'll be fine.
There is no way any kid needs to eat that much, regardless of how much exercise he's getting. Let him stay with his grandparents, see how much they like having the food bill he racks up.
My son ate everything in sight when he hit adolescence. if dinner wasn't enough, he could have toast, and we had good bread and jelly. We usually had mac-n-cheese mix, too. I didn't keep much snack food in the house but there were always good apples and veggies. He loves apples, salad and vegetables.
My son growing up stayed hungry. He didn't eat like her son and I never denied him food. No matter what or how much he ate, he never packed on any weight. Doctor said his metabolism was high, he was burning the food off quickly. I used to tell hi. I'd rather clothe him than feed him. At the end of the day it only mattered that he was healthy. He is now 41 and that has not changed, the only difference is he has learned to eat several small meals throughout the day. In doing this, his energy level is maintained.
As a teen this makes no sense to me at all. (Not what the mom did, what the kid did). Like why is he eating so much? Is it stress? Boredom? Are you bulking to bodybuild? like what's the deal bro? I have a fast metabolism, I can burn a donut in like 2 hours, while at the same time, i can go without eating for 10 hours plus, so what exactly is this kid's problem? Like I know everybody is different, but still.
If you've never felt constant, gnawing hunger then I guess it's difficult to be empathetic towards people who do.
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If he's active and just stress eating that could be the issue. Psychogist could help him. Maybe he feels he isn't gaining weight but want to to be bigger and have more mass so he can play better in contact sports. Maybe he has a body issue thinking he's too thin. I'm only stating this because she said he's right on height weight for age is all. Let him talk to someone. And honestly he is a growing kid. They burn calories faster than anyone thinks is possible. His body is telling him to do it. But it has to be at least optioned if its body dosmprphic or an eating disorder or if he's assaulted how he looks or he's trying to bulk up. Popcorn and rice are good fillers if you want to serve those cheaply and help fill him at meals or snacks.
So when he gets that major injury and can no longer burn it off, what then? He'll balloon himself into severe obesity because he never learned portion control and healthy eating habits. The parent has room for critique here, but given that they aren't restricting health snacks, I'm really not seeing the issue. Yes, consult a nutritiousist. But also consult a therapist. That kind of behavior can be a coping mechanism for hidden traumas as well.
I agree, I know teenagers eat a lot, but this sounds over the top. Get him checked out but otherwise her actions don't seem unreasonable.
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If OP has an explained it correctly and son really THAT hungry, then there is a problem, but... My guess is that communication is the real problem.
If it isn't a health issue, and you can afford it, he obviously needs the food. Be the adultbuy higher calorie snacks, leth him make his own meals to supplement, it's not his fault he has a high metabolism. If you really can't afford it, lots of charities will have advice on how to prepare the healthiest meals at the lowest cost. If you can at all buy canned, dried, and frozen foods in bulk. The initial investment can be a shock but it can have your food bill and ensures you get enough vegetables. But if your kid needs to eat, and you can feed them, thats a no brainer, feed your child.
So... Let him have unlimited fruits, veggies, and sandwiches?
Load More Replies... I can't believe all the yta people. It's simple. She buys snacks for the week for the kids, all of the kids, but 1 kid eats it all in a matter of a day. No. Just no. You can't just let one kid eat everything and let the others go without. So set limits on the snacks so everyone can have some. Provide extra at mealtime. And the kid can make a sandwich whenever he wants. He isn't gonna die. He isn't starving. We are talking about snacks here.
Header should actually be "Teen Flips Out Over Reduced Snack And Candy Portions, People Online Take His Side". People here don't seem to do, the majority gets the point of the mother. Which is unlimited fruit, veg and sandwiches - and family shared cooked meals; as the latter requires planning and time to prepare three times a day for in total 6 persons, a reasonable strategy. (edit:typo)
So why doesn't she increase the amount of food she buys for cooked meals, if she never has enough? It takes maybe 10% longer to prepare and cook two pounds of chicken as it takes to cook one pound of chicken.
Load More Replies... 1. Start a food diary for a few days and see what he actually DOES eat (what food, portion sizes etc) and not what you THINK he eats. Get an accurate picture. 2. If he truly is getting a high caloric intake, check to see if he ever actually feels satiated. If he never has a sense of being 'full', that could be significant. 3. See a doctor AND a nutritionist if he never feels full or if his actual caloric intake is unusually high. The nutritionist can advise of foods that are healthy but will help he feel satiated. The doctor can screen for different issues if that is a possibility. I've heard of Prader-Willi syndrome, but that's rare. And, heck, tapeworms can be a thing.
Prader-Willi syndrome is INSATIABLE appetite from childhood and also comes with developmental and behavioural issues, it's picked up much earlier - and yes, it's rare. (Just informing - I know someone who has a child with it.) I agree with your suggestions! I know that I, personally, maintained about 55kg as a 166cm sedentary female at 23yo on ~2500kcal (121lbs, 5'5.5) - as a 40s female I imagine she's used to doing meal portions for herself and children when they were younger, and those energy needs will be much lower. Her son is growing and as a male is putting down muscle, which takes a lot more energy than growing boobs (which still takes energy!) Limiting his intake of processed snacks (especially if he is eating his siblings' share) might not be a bad thing but providing homemade hummus, pb sandwiches etc offers filling and cheap nutrition.
Load More Replies... I eat about 4 times as much as the average person, and when I was a teen it was more like 10 times. I'm thin and fit, but it's sometimes embarrassing how much I need, especially if someone else is providing. I totally hear the mother about limiting junk food while there are fruits and vegetables available. Limit on the main dish? That could just be economics, but say it's economics. Stand up and admit "I simply can't afford that" instead of implying that the kid is at fault for wanting more good food.
The mother explained that he eats simply because he wants to, because he "likes to eat." She doesn't starve him at all and she lets him get fruit and healthy meals as much as he wants. The kid is just having a teenage tantrum because he wants to stuff himself with candy and snacks all day. And finally, if the teenager in question was a girl, everyone would take the mother's side by saying that "it's for her good" and would surely already be talking about "eating disorders" but here it's a boy then "it's natural Bla Bla it's normal Bla Bla metabolism Bla Bla let him eat" He will survive lol
Binge eating disorder is the least popular eating disorder to talk about because more people have it
Load More Replies... Teach the kid how to grocery shop and cook. He’s 16 now, and will be 18, then 21 before you know it. He’ll be out on his own, and will absolutely need to know how to feed himself—-stay on a grocery budget, choose food at the grocery, cook that food to save money (instead of wasting money on takeout)—-especially on an entry level salary, so they’re useful skills all around.
Great suggestion. Plus then maybe he will realize the economic value and why it selfish of him.
Load More Replies... The OP mentioned her son plays basketball regularly; if he's an active athlete then the excessive protein and calorie intake might make sense. Teens eat like it's going out of style but the family doesn't have an unlimited budget and their needs to be some snacks and dinner left for the younger kids. Considering he's getting three meals, with two servings, plus all the sandwiches and carrot sticks or apple slices he can eat I'd say that should be enough for even a football player. Some gave suggested he might have a metabolic issue but I'm putting my money on the kid having 'the munchies'. Getting high with his friends, coming home and eating everything he can stuff in his mouth while lying on the couch.
Dude WTF? He sounds like a brat. She's not limiting healthy food, just junky snacks. If he wants to eat that stuff non stop he needs to get a job and buy them himself! And it's illegal for the grandparents to "kidnap" the kid. She needs to go drag his whiny a$$ home ASAP. With police presence if necessary.
Just because someone is a healthy weight, doesn't mean they're healthy. He's eating 6/7 proteins a day with unlimited healthy snacks and sandwiches. That's without the rest. Fancy saying someone is an a*****e because she doing the right thing. That amount that he was eating will pile on him in a few years. A weeks worth of snacks in a day???? He's a brat who needs to stop acting like a little boy. The younger ones were fine with it. Grow up. I will say that "this shouldn't have got this bad though"
3 or 4 servings, full plates, every meal is NOT just normal teen appetite. Especially combined with this degree of reaction. There's *something* wrong here that needs addressing.
When we were teenagers, my brother could easily eat three times the amount of food I did. I was reading, and programming computers. He was playing rugby, football, tennis, circuit training... He couldn't sit still.
Load More Replies... my 4 kids with very high metabolisms ate a lot. 3 boys 1 girl, there was always a limit to snacky things but cereal fruit etc were at their will as much as possible. Single mom here so there is only so much money. I could bring home bags of food and have it gone in no time. I feel her pain but she is NOT starving her son.
Don't take him to an all you can eat restaurant, he'll be kicked out and told never to return.
The people saying NTA never had a teenager. When my kids were teenagers, they ate SO much food! It's a phase. When they get a little older and their metabolism slows down, it goes back to normal.
But did you give your teens unlimited snack foods and the same amount for meals as almost the rest of the family combined? Is it really so bad that the kid has to go for fruit, veggies, and sandwiches after 5 snacks each day? He can eat as much as he wants, she's just limiting the less healthy stuff and a lot of work for her stuff.
Load More Replies... I remember what a bottomless pit I was as a teenager and now I’m raising my own teenager. If his doctor isn’t concerned then the parents shouldn’t be concerned. A teenage metabolism is crazy, take him to a dietitian and let the boy eat.
He is allowed to inhale as much fruit, vegs and sandwiches as he desires - the tantrum is about a) he has to prepare them himself and b) this isn't candy
Load More Replies... She took the kid to the doctor, and nothing was wrong.
Load More Replies... Sounds like hyperthyroitism for me. Either way - she explained boy can have as many fruit veg and sandwiches as he likes. The fit is about snacks - aka candy bars etc.
As far as I know, if he had hyperthyroidism he would lose weight, even if he ate a mountain of food every day. And the mother says she took him to the doctor but nothing was wrong. It could be something physical the doctor didn't see, but it sounds more like boredom, a tantrum, or... the kid is smoking pot with his friends instead of playing basketball.
Load More Replies... I understand the mom’s frustration but this almost makes me wonder a little…. It doesn’t sound like the kid is overeating if he’s still a healthy weight. If he’s STILL constantly hungry, but the mom is too annoyed to provide enough food to support his appetite….those are two different problems. #1 is the kid needs more to eat, and #2 is the mom needs to find a way to accept that she’s annoyed by having to make sure her teenager has enough to eat so he isn’t feeling hungry and miserable, and do what she can to get over it. She says he’s a healthy weight, but his body is asking him for more food because it’s trying to grow. I was a teenager once too and I remember the weird seemingly bottomless hunger. It’s not one single problem where the answer is either the mom or the kid is right, it’s two problems that need two solutions.
The post makes it seem like the limits are on junky snacks and 2 servings at dinner. Healthy snacks are unlimited (including pb and js) and that the larger problem is that whatever extra he wants he has to make for himself. I don't get the impression that she's in any way actually keeping any food away from him. Just that she's only making a certain amount of dinner. From what I understand of the post, the issue lies with the fact he she won't cook extra for him. And a 16 year old is perfectly capable of making 3 pb and js if need be. But again. That's how I'm reading the post.
Load More Replies... I don't think that people understand how much a teen can eat, especially if he's into sports. Once We had my cousin who was 15 at the time stay with us while his parents went on a month-long trip over the pond. He was playing water polo. That kid could eat an ungodly amount of food for every meal. I'm talking about owen-sized pizza for lunch, and an hour later he was already digging through the fridge. Desert? A jar of Nutella with no problem. He was 0% fat, only muscles. OP said that her kid plays a lot of basketball. It might be a similar situation, and it's hard to believe to a normal person how much food is necessary for some young athletes.
If his weight isn't increasing he's not eating too much. Is there an issue with what he's eating? Perhaps, but given her attitude my first reaction is that there aren't as many calories available to him as she thinks. For those who think he just wants junk food--note that he's going bottomless pit on dinner, also. I will say that there are some people who simply need more. I married one of those bottomless pits, her calorie consumption used to be way above what would be normal for her size and activity level. No medical issues, only minor size variations and that was related to activity level and would soon revert when she went back to normal activity.
Should check to see if he's hyperthyroid. My son started eating like that and we tried things like OP did but then we discovered he was hyperthyroid and was literally starving to death no matter how much he ate. Once on proper medication he got more normal.
I have a 14 yo boy and my lord does he eat. I would never limit what he eats.
As a couple people point out, limiting makes sense if it's junk food. It's a bit hard to know whether the person in this story is right or not. They say the kid isn't fat and talk about meals but don't actually mention calories or how tall/heavy the kid actually is. A tall, athletic kid who is constantly playing sport needs a lot more calories than a short, sedentary kid who sits in front of the tv/pc all day. In my view they should be trying to work out just how many calories the food actually adds up to and then looking at how much the kid is realistically expected to need. An average teenage boy will need something between 2600-3200 calories a day. So compare the calories in the food to that before making a judgment.
Load More Replies... I'm really glad my mother never tried to limit how much we had to eat. My younger brother hit a growth spurt and ate double what an adult would eat in a day, we would go out to eat and he would order two meals instead of one. He's now 6 ft 2 and still lean like he always has been. And no eating disorders in my family...
Be careful discussing this in front of the younger sibs. I used to run support groups for EDs and middle and youngest children who restrict because of the food conflict with the older sibling is not an uncommon origin story.
OP needs to emphasize to the grandparents that she is only limiting packaged snacks- that fruits/veggies/ sandwiches are always available for the teen. OP also needs to remember that an active, healthy weight teen is NOT overeating- he might be eating more than his fair share of snacks ( and meal portions that need to be shared with siblings) and THAT is what needs to be emphasized to any interested parties...
I Wonder how much food she considers a portion. Many woman I know, especially in their 40's just eat way less then men. I am trans, but even before testosterone, I was eating 3 times the portion that my mother had. And I am skinny (52kg for 170 cm height) She just eats very little portions because she is obsessed with gaining weight. She was constantly trying to police everyone, not knowing how much calories anyone eats, and how much they should. I bet here is the same since op never mentiones that. Yeah, sporty guy, who grows up, and grows muscles, need energy. Testosterone makes you more hungry as well. The first few weeks I felt liie I am starving all the time. I bet He doesnt get enough protein, mother tries to push salads and fruits, which OK, are important, but they are not calorie dense. You eat them and you are still hungry. Give dude some protein shakes, meat, whole grains, probably some supliments and he will be fine.
I would look into any possible disabilites. There are some disabilities that effect your body's ability to feel cues - so he might not be able to tell when he's hungry or full. Eating disorders are also common with ADHD, and there might be some sort of oral stimming in the eating.
She's NOT STARVING the kid, a kid eats a whole week's worth of snakes in one day, that's ridiculous, and he's not the only baby in the crib. The coast of food today is out ridiculous, let the grandparents feed him, and see how long that lasts. Maybe mom should take him to the Dr and see what's going on here.
NTA, if he's eating that much he won't be healthy for long. There is a problem there, medical, psychological or rebellion but if a serving is a healthy size then he doesn't need all those snacks and extra helpings
Having cooked for my brother and 4 of his mates a few times when they were on active duty locally, needing to maintain peak muscle mass, fitness, and an enormous energy expenditure constantly, engines need decent fuel and it is expensive. I was gobsmacked how much they could put away without stopping. They were needing to eat at least 6 full meals a day plus nibbling on fruit and sandwiches in between if peckish and none of them were overweight. I remember the amount of planning for one weekend and was mostly BBQing the meats to keep up with them as that was the easiest. I went to the butcher shop pre-ordering about 100kg of meat, dozens of eggs and then going to the fruit markets to get boxes of fruit and veg and there was almost nothing left by the Monday. I was very glad I did not have to feed them all the time or I would have gone broke and never left the kitchen!
It sounds, to me, that they have to reach common ground and fix the problem between them. No outside influences from the Family. My Family had seven children. I could eat a lot. What I did was ask my brothers and sisters to pass the food they didn't want to me. They didn't have a metabolism like myself. It was a good arrangement as they got their fill and I eat the rest. One loaf bread for me, my meal my Mothere prepared, I got my extra food courtesy off my Brothers and Sisters. They saying was Mother I don't want this. Pass it down to Garbage guts was the answer. Of course if they had Sweets there was no way I would get them. That was their luxury. I was also wondering if the other Children ate all of their food? That was my way to solve getting what I thought I needed. It took cooperation from all of the Family and no extra food was used.
The kid needs to get a job at McDonalds or somewhere to help pay for the grocery bills. He also was told what he could eat without limits but he eats all the snacks that the other kids should be able to enjoy so HE is the jerk...not the parent. Also, ALL kids seem to make a mountain out of a molehill these days saying a parent is abusive when they are spoiled, wealthy white kids. They need to be drop shipped into a 3rd world country and told to survive for a week. They would have a different world view and be more appreciative after the experience.
I'd say limit his carb options. People on meat and vegetables are not that hungry and it's healthy to eat protein and vegetables. Lots of raw vegetables, boiled vegetables, sauce, a solid portion of meat. One potato. Give him carrots, eggs, dry sausage for a snack. A full corn bread sandwich with cheese and veggies. No sugar in soft drinks. Sugar makes people hungry! Reduce sugar in his food and he'll be fine.
There is no way any kid needs to eat that much, regardless of how much exercise he's getting. Let him stay with his grandparents, see how much they like having the food bill he racks up.
My son ate everything in sight when he hit adolescence. if dinner wasn't enough, he could have toast, and we had good bread and jelly. We usually had mac-n-cheese mix, too. I didn't keep much snack food in the house but there were always good apples and veggies. He loves apples, salad and vegetables.
My son growing up stayed hungry. He didn't eat like her son and I never denied him food. No matter what or how much he ate, he never packed on any weight. Doctor said his metabolism was high, he was burning the food off quickly. I used to tell hi. I'd rather clothe him than feed him. At the end of the day it only mattered that he was healthy. He is now 41 and that has not changed, the only difference is he has learned to eat several small meals throughout the day. In doing this, his energy level is maintained.
As a teen this makes no sense to me at all. (Not what the mom did, what the kid did). Like why is he eating so much? Is it stress? Boredom? Are you bulking to bodybuild? like what's the deal bro? I have a fast metabolism, I can burn a donut in like 2 hours, while at the same time, i can go without eating for 10 hours plus, so what exactly is this kid's problem? Like I know everybody is different, but still.
If you've never felt constant, gnawing hunger then I guess it's difficult to be empathetic towards people who do.
Load More Replies... If he's active and just stress eating that could be the issue. Psychogist could help him. Maybe he feels he isn't gaining weight but want to to be bigger and have more mass so he can play better in contact sports. Maybe he has a body issue thinking he's too thin. I'm only stating this because she said he's right on height weight for age is all. Let him talk to someone. And honestly he is a growing kid. They burn calories faster than anyone thinks is possible. His body is telling him to do it. But it has to be at least optioned if its body dosmprphic or an eating disorder or if he's assaulted how he looks or he's trying to bulk up. Popcorn and rice are good fillers if you want to serve those cheaply and help fill him at meals or snacks.
So when he gets that major injury and can no longer burn it off, what then? He'll balloon himself into severe obesity because he never learned portion control and healthy eating habits. The parent has room for critique here, but given that they aren't restricting health snacks, I'm really not seeing the issue. Yes, consult a nutritiousist. But also consult a therapist. That kind of behavior can be a coping mechanism for hidden traumas as well.
I agree, I know teenagers eat a lot, but this sounds over the top. Get him checked out but otherwise her actions don't seem unreasonable.
Load More Replies... If OP has an explained it correctly and son really THAT hungry, then there is a problem, but... My guess is that communication is the real problem.
If it isn't a health issue, and you can afford it, he obviously needs the food. Be the adultbuy higher calorie snacks, leth him make his own meals to supplement, it's not his fault he has a high metabolism. If you really can't afford it, lots of charities will have advice on how to prepare the healthiest meals at the lowest cost. If you can at all buy canned, dried, and frozen foods in bulk. The initial investment can be a shock but it can have your food bill and ensures you get enough vegetables. But if your kid needs to eat, and you can feed them, thats a no brainer, feed your child.
So... Let him have unlimited fruits, veggies, and sandwiches?
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