Mom Doesn’t Let 14 Y.O. Son Date, Dad Keeps His Boyfriend A Secret Until She Finds Out And Bursts
While it is a bit of an outdated authoritative concept that parents know best, it’s not really the case. Not the case in any time or cultural frame, realistically speaking. Never was.
Parents do know a lot, they are supposed to make decisions—sometimes ones that the kids don’t like—all because that’s what’s best for the kid, but they’re not omniscient.
But believing you know everything, and insisting on it, is one of the surest ways of alienating your kid. Though, if it’s just one parent, at least there’s the other one who can still make things right.
More Info: Reddit
Parenting has a lot of fine lines between underdoing something and overdoing it
Image credits: Oleksandr Pidvalnyi (not the actual photo)
Hopefully, it’s never the situation where a parent is overdoing it with coddling and protection and not letting you date… wait…
Image Credits: u/Ok-Bad-7566
But where one parent was overdoing it, the other did it right and still got flack for “betraying” the other
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
A dad is in the news today. A mom, too. Reddit user u/Ok-Bad-7566 shared a conflict story, one fit for an Am I The A-Hole verdict, on Reddit.
The story goes that OP has a kid with his ex who’s 14 years old at the time the story was posted. Mom takes conservatism, protection and control to an extreme level. So much, in fact, that it seems like the boy is being stifled all the time.
The dad, however, recognizes this and looks at his kid’s needs in a way that grants him more independence, encourages self-reliance and shows that the dad trusts the kid. But, needless to say, you can see why the dad and the mom have split just based on their parenting.
Well, the teen has found himself a boyfriend. All fine and dandy, but, as you might have guessed, the mom is against dating. He’s not ready for dating yet. Or is he? But in the face of adversity, the kid started planning his romantic activities in a way that the mother wouldn’t be a nuisance, i.e. he would often hang out with his new friend at the dad’s house.
Dad did lay down some ground rules, but nothing that would ultimately reinforce mom’s rule of no dating, despite the mom asking the dad to not let the teen bring boyfriends around to his house. Well, it wasn’t long until she found out—by rifling through the 14-year-old’s cellular content, classic—and went rabid at the dad.
She called him the next morning, screaming about how he could have let the kid hang out with his boyfriend. She claimed OP betrayed her trust and how they agreed on the no dating rule. He never did. And he, very audibly, let her know that, leading to a fallout between the two. And also leading to his story being posted on r/AITA.
Image credits: Brett Sayles (not the actual photo)
The community was quite one-sided on this, saying that OP is not a jerk in this situation. Given all the coddling, control and demands, most folks were of the opinion that it will not bode well for the teen in the long run. Mom’s actions simply won’t equip the kid for life, and that can lead to even bigger problems.
Others praised OP for the solid boundaries he’s set—they seem to be much more reasonable than the ones the mother is setting, anyway. And if anything, it’s OP’s house. While we can’t really say my house, my rules, for a number of reasons, including this one, we can definitely acknowledge that house rules exist, and dad’s the one to set them.
Some even speculated that it sounds like the mom’s not OK with the kid’s sexuality. While the story never made this particular distinction—it was just no dating, period—the fact that sexuality was mentioned at all might have been a bit of a hint where all the suspiciously strong parenting is coming from.
The post was met with modest attention, garnering 3,400 upvotes (97% positive) and a couple of Reddit awards. You can take a gander at this story within its glorious commentary context by tapping your method of technological interface here.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The Child Mind Institute talked about the challenges LGBTQ+ kids often face on top of all the stuff they face on the regular growing up. “Being LGBTQ+ doesn’t cause mental health problems. But because LGBTQ+ kids often face factors like rejection, bullying, discrimination, and violence, they are at a higher risk of challenges including depression, anxiety, and attempting suicide.”
The article continues on to say that while acceptance of LGBTQ+ kids has been increasing, things like the pandemic and anti-queer legislature did not make things any easier. With the former, kids were cut off from positive role models and support—that of friends, teachers and family. With the latter, you gotta remember that legislature can be overly politicized, and that might negatively affect and limit how parents can affirm and provide gender-affirming healthcare for kids.
A Trevor Project survey, polling 34,000 youths between 13 and 24 who identify as LGBTQ+, reported that 73% feel symptoms of anxiety, and that 58% felt symptoms of depression. That’s nearly ¾ affected—that’s nearly 25,000 of the entire sample. And the sad stats don’t end there as nearly half of them considered suicide. And a fifth of transgender kids actually attempted it.
That’s to remind everyone that this is on top of all of the problems of growing up in general. As if life wasn’t stressful enough. So, be kind, be caring, and, above all else, be loving.
But the community has spoken and nobody betrayed anyone—just the mother messed up
I wouldn't be surprised if there was an update, "My son has decided he wants to live with me all the time, and his mum is really angry about this."
Telling a teenager they're too young for relationships just means your teenager will hide their relationships from you.
Absolutely agree with this. It's better they come to you and tell about their bf/gf, than hiding things because the parent will react negatively anyhow
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A young man finding a nice boyfriend and spending time together under safe conditions with the help of a loving parent ? Tes, that sound really horrible, I understand the mum is furious of such outrageous behavior.
I wouldn't be surprised if there was an update, "My son has decided he wants to live with me all the time, and his mum is really angry about this."
Telling a teenager they're too young for relationships just means your teenager will hide their relationships from you.
Absolutely agree with this. It's better they come to you and tell about their bf/gf, than hiding things because the parent will react negatively anyhow
Load More Replies... A young man finding a nice boyfriend and spending time together under safe conditions with the help of a loving parent ? Tes, that sound really horrible, I understand the mum is furious of such outrageous behavior.
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