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Grandparents Care More About Their Backyard Aesthetic Than Their Grandbaby’s Safety, Get A Reality Check
Having a baby can change the dynamic of your relationship. But it doesn’t stop there. You might also find that other relationships in your life take a knock after your child is born. Like the great one you once had with your in-laws…
For one woman, the change came out of the blue. She says her husband’s parents were a dream… until they moved into a new house. The property has a pool and the in-laws are refusing to put a fence up around it, despite their son offering to foot the bill. They also insist on seeing their grandchild while they have the flu. The 15 month-old’s parents are having none of it and have limited contact. But the grandparents think they’re being unreasonable.
RELATED:
A new baby can bring families closer together or tear them apart
Image credits: senivpetro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
For this couple, it’s the latter… all because the baby’s grandparents refuse to take her health and safety into consideration
Image credits: Luciana Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: bearfotos / Freepik (not the actual photo)
People fired off a bunch of questions and she was happy to answer
Image credits: No-Journalist-5160
Image credits: Alexandr Podvalny / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
There are around 300,000 drownings worldwide – a quarter of them are children under the age of 5
Around 300 000 people drown every year globally, and nearly a quarter of them are children under the age of 5. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), drowning is the fourth leading cause of fatalities for children aged 1–4 years and the third leading cause for children aged 5–14 years.
“Young children are at a particularly high risk of drowning due to an underdeveloped ability to assess risk, and a lack of swimming and water safety skills,” explains the WHO fact sheet on drowning. “The risk of drowning increases when children interact with water outside of active adult supervision.”
Putting fences around pools and sending young kids for swimming lessons are just two ways to help prevent drownings. And while both cost money, WHO says it’s a worthwhile and life-saving investment.
“Through investing in day-care programmes for pre-school children and teaching children basic swim skills, 774 000 fewer children would drown between now [2024] and 2050,” the organization notes. “Furthermore, another 178 000 children would avoid severe, life-limiting injuries due to non-fatal drowning over the same period. Scaling these two interventions is projected to result in savings of over US$ 400 billion – a return of 9 times the value of the cost of scaling up the interventions.”
Image credits: DragonImages / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Here’s what you can do to ensure the safety of children in and around water
Stop Drowning Now is just one organization in the U.S. working towards preventing drownings through awareness and education. Its experts say there are a number of things you must teach kids to ensure their safety in and around water.
The first is that they should be able to step or jump into water over their heads and return to the surface. They should also know how to float or tread water for one minute, turn around in a full circle and find an exit, swim 25 yards to exit the water, and lastly, be able to exit the water. That includes being able to get out of a pool without using the ladder.
Additionally, no kids should ever be allowed in the pool without adult supervision. “Even if kids can swim, accidents can happen,” warns the organization. They should also walk and not run, as wet feet can easily slip when running.
“Don’t dive into shallow water,” adds the site. “Enter the water feet first. Dive only off the diving board.”
Stop Drowning Now also advises that you ban any rowdy play in the pool. “No rough games involving dunking, holding your breath for any extended period, or lifting and throwing others into the air,” explains the site, adding that glass containers should also not be permitted.
“Beverage glasses can easily break on the pool deck or pool walls,” it explains. “Instead use outdoor-friendly options like acrylic tumblers or paper, plastic, or foam cups, or drink from a can.”
Additionally, adults should not swim after consuming alcohol. Children and adults should be weary of swimming after taking certain medications.
Many felt the toddler’s parents were justified and that the in-laws should respect their wishes
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
OP doesn't trust them to care for the kid, with good reason, and she should say so. Better to sort boundaries out now than to make excuses for years until you run out.
Robin Roper 1 month ago
When our only child was born our neighbor had a pool with no fence; it seems our then county (US) allowed pools to be "grandfathered" outside of the newer laws that required all pools to have fences with specific types of gates. Because the pool was there before the law, no fence was required. We approached him and asked him to put in a fence, he said he didn't have to so he didn't. I invited the county commissioner who was responsible for the department overseeing pools and their safety. We had a walk around our yard and I asked her how this older pool did not pose a risk for my child. It took about 6 weeks to get on their agenda and lo and behold, the law was changed so that all pools, regardless of when they were build had to meet the fence and gate requirements. Don't p**s off a mother.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
I was born in the early 80s and the pool in my childhood home was similarly "grandfathered" in and did not need/have a fence. My parents used to tell me that one time, when I was 2 or 3 years old, I escaped the house somehow and got into the backyard. I fell into the pool within a minute or two of getting outdoors. Luckily for me, my family had a Great Dane named Char Siu who followed me around everywhere when I was a baby/toddler, and she had followed me into the backyard. She quite literally grabbed my romper and pulled me out of the pool within seconds of me falling into it. (My mom saw it all as she ran outside herself in pursuit.) If we'd had a fence, there would have been no danger at all - but this was LONG before fences were required on all new or remodeled residential pools and spas in my state XD (But no, my parents never built one on our pool...) If I'd ever had human children myself, I'd never let them spend time at my childhood home unless my mom put a pool fence up.
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 1 month ago (edited)
In most US states it's the law that you need a pool fence or built in retractable cover. In Florida it's even stricter and houses with pools are required to have an alarm on any ground floor doors with access to the pool. (Which is annoying because my mom always forgets to disarm it at our vacation house so it blares all day long) Drowning is the leading cause of death in children 1-4 years old (in the US). If you're not going to take water safety seriously you shouldn't have kids at your house. It's weird that some grandparents are so entitled when it comes to their grandchildren. THEY'RE NOT YOUR OWN KIDS! You don't get to demand their time or make decisions about them - that's the parents' job. And if you're not going to cooperate there are consequences. 🤷♀️ I'm so glad that no one in our family behaves like that - they see that their only job is to spoil the kids. 😁
Spencer's slave no longer 1 month ago
OP is 100% in the right. I have a pool, 3.7m wide and 800mm deep. I HAVE to fence it, have a full cover and have adult supervision at all times. Children drown in back garden pools every year.
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago
Your kid, your rules. Any bets mommy dearest doesn't believe in allergies?
Kathy Brooke 1 month ago
Kids die of 'flu, yes. But so do older folks, in even greater numbers. ANYONE holding a Christmas party where there will be oldies and/or littlies should stick on the invitation "if you have any cold or flu symptoms, please do not attend. We will save you some food. Thank you for your consideration."
Mark Alexander 1 month ago
Should've stopped with "We are NOT adding 2 hours to our daily commute." They have no right to keep the kid without you there. None.
Dragon Ashes 1 month ago
They'd add four hours one there and back in the morning and the same at night.
Load More Replies...
Remi (He/Him) 1 month ago
A two year old in our neighborhood drowned in a hot tub when I was younger. You don't want to risk small kids and reachable water in the same space, because all it takes is having your attention lapse for a second for toddlers to do a disappearing act. Afaik the dad had to attend something with their five year old and that's all it took
Mark Childers 1 month ago
As a kid, I was a fish. You couldn't keep me out of water. I taught myself to swim because for me it was like breathing. It was so natural. When I was around 5, my mother took us for swimming lessons, and I learned the actual swim techniques, but I still swim my way. I enjoy relaxing and gently skimming the water. But I know these days, most kids don't actually learn to swim. I would be worried about any kid near a body of water, but especially a toddler. Pools are a pain in the a*s. People think they'll love them and get so much use out of them. And they probably will for the first season or two, and then it's a moneypit that requires constant maintenance. I fell in love with a house. It was so perfect and even had a guest house. I passed because it had a pool. There was no way I was dealing with a pool. Nightmare. I know from experience.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
Oh and the sodding leaves , in winter , n god knows what else ,lovely idea yes practical Hell no !
Load More Replies...
Alexandra 1 month ago
Of course the whole p*o-thing is a non-starter: no fence, no grandchild. As for the flu, I don't get people who think it's ok to infect other people. The flu can and does still k**l people: infants, the elderly, those with diminished resistance. If you have the flu and you invite people over or you go and visit someone, that qualifies for being tarred and feathered in the local market place. I
Trillian 1 month ago
European me: They live AN HOUR away and expect her to quit daycare and bring the kid to her place???
Dragon Ashes 1 month ago
We don't really see an hour as being that far. If one of them worked in the area it would honestly be great. Gas and wear and tear on the car would still be far less money than daycare. Daycare here is prohibitively expensive. You can be paid twice minimum wage and it can still make sense to quit and stay home with the kids. (Not under these circumstances however.) My son and his girlfriend both commute an hour to work. She goes east, he goes south. It's extremely common.
Load More Replies...
Milos Ćirin 1 month ago
Neverovatno je da neko odbija besplatnu ogradu koja bukvalno spasava život. Ograničavanje kontakta ovde nije kazna za babe i dede, već zaštita za dete.
Beak Hookage 1 month ago
"If you don't care about my child's safety then I don't care about your feelings or your d**n lawn. Get bent."
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
It only takes turning around to unload the washer , or stir a pan of something on cooker , n the littles ones out that door ,in the pool n dead . Literally that’s all it takes , one moment of distraction ! NO FENCE is a danger end off , oh and it’s most home insurance demand it to for obvious reason ,if mil cant see that ,then that’s on her , oh n the flu thing , Flu k ills ! more so in younger kids and older people , also the driving an hour each bloody way twice a day , 5 days a week , the fuel alone will cost far more than any daycare , mil has lost her marbles , op stick to your guns , n keep your beautiful child safe , keep us updated plz x
Rebecca Joan 1 month ago
The flu kills adults, so why the in-laws would be mad that they didn’t want to bring their grandchild over when they had the flu is f*****g crazy.
Donna Harris 1 month ago
My 4 year old cousin drowned the family pool. Fence the d**n thing...and ugly fence is a small price to payk
Emilu 1 month ago (edited)
In Aus where I am you need pool fences legally as well. And we still get kids drowning even with them. So eff bringing a kid somewhere that *doesn't* have one. Also, the flu doesn't just kill kids; it kills adults as well. Anyone who asked the OP "why are you so worried about the flu?" is a freakin' dumb-ass.
UpupaEpops 1 month ago
I just really don't understand the mentality. Yes, pool fences are ugly. But your child/grandchild or even a smaller dog drowning in it is significantly worse...
Marcellus II 1 month ago
The problem with a lot of the remaining older people is they survived Covid unscathed, and therefore feel justified to ignore any post-1950 advice. So anything reasonably new is 'helicopter parenting'... Pools used to be public, you'd actively be there; very different from being relaxed at home and being distracted by a neighbour calling five minutes and then tragedy strikes --- even though kindhearted and careful, it happens and cannot be undone.
Glen Ellyn 1 month ago
Several years ago, shortly after my son and his family moved into their new house, we made a trip to visit them (roughly a 3½ hour road trip). There were 14 of us staying at their new house for a couple of nights. The first night, my daughter's oldest daughter got sick - puking on herself, the air mattress she was sleeping on, and along the "trail" to the bathroom. Their brand new house! We felt awful about it and helped clean as much as we could before we packed up the car and headed home. I found out later that of those 14 people, 10 of them came down with the same stomach bug. Thankfully, I was one of the lucky ones. My son called me a few days later to check on me. Having not heard from me, he was worried that I was upset because I got sick. The kids are older now and all are past the toddler stage, but we now avoid visiting during the holidays and cold/flu season.
Dragon Ashes 1 month ago
That's really sad. You can't predict illnesses unless you actively are sick. I remember one Christmas my daughter got sick in the car on the way to Christmas. We were closer to out destination an home, so we continued to my sister's. My daughter continued to be sick, but we had her isolated and no one else got sick. And if I'm going to get sick I'd rather have norovirus than anything else. It's highly unlikely to k**l you and when it's over it's over.
Load More Replies... Paul Sloan 1 month ago
As a grandparent I’ve raised my children and now it’s time to enjoy life the way I see fit.
FluffyDreg 1 month ago
Doesn't entitle you to your kids children if you won't put basic saftey measures in place
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
OP doesn't trust them to care for the kid, with good reason, and she should say so. Better to sort boundaries out now than to make excuses for years until you run out.
Robin Roper 1 month ago
When our only child was born our neighbor had a pool with no fence; it seems our then county (US) allowed pools to be "grandfathered" outside of the newer laws that required all pools to have fences with specific types of gates. Because the pool was there before the law, no fence was required. We approached him and asked him to put in a fence, he said he didn't have to so he didn't. I invited the county commissioner who was responsible for the department overseeing pools and their safety. We had a walk around our yard and I asked her how this older pool did not pose a risk for my child. It took about 6 weeks to get on their agenda and lo and behold, the law was changed so that all pools, regardless of when they were build had to meet the fence and gate requirements. Don't p**s off a mother.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
I was born in the early 80s and the pool in my childhood home was similarly "grandfathered" in and did not need/have a fence. My parents used to tell me that one time, when I was 2 or 3 years old, I escaped the house somehow and got into the backyard. I fell into the pool within a minute or two of getting outdoors. Luckily for me, my family had a Great Dane named Char Siu who followed me around everywhere when I was a baby/toddler, and she had followed me into the backyard. She quite literally grabbed my romper and pulled me out of the pool within seconds of me falling into it. (My mom saw it all as she ran outside herself in pursuit.) If we'd had a fence, there would have been no danger at all - but this was LONG before fences were required on all new or remodeled residential pools and spas in my state XD (But no, my parents never built one on our pool...) If I'd ever had human children myself, I'd never let them spend time at my childhood home unless my mom put a pool fence up.
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 1 month ago (edited)
In most US states it's the law that you need a pool fence or built in retractable cover. In Florida it's even stricter and houses with pools are required to have an alarm on any ground floor doors with access to the pool. (Which is annoying because my mom always forgets to disarm it at our vacation house so it blares all day long) Drowning is the leading cause of death in children 1-4 years old (in the US). If you're not going to take water safety seriously you shouldn't have kids at your house. It's weird that some grandparents are so entitled when it comes to their grandchildren. THEY'RE NOT YOUR OWN KIDS! You don't get to demand their time or make decisions about them - that's the parents' job. And if you're not going to cooperate there are consequences. 🤷♀️ I'm so glad that no one in our family behaves like that - they see that their only job is to spoil the kids. 😁
Spencer's slave no longer 1 month ago
OP is 100% in the right. I have a pool, 3.7m wide and 800mm deep. I HAVE to fence it, have a full cover and have adult supervision at all times. Children drown in back garden pools every year.
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago
Your kid, your rules. Any bets mommy dearest doesn't believe in allergies?
Kathy Brooke 1 month ago
Kids die of 'flu, yes. But so do older folks, in even greater numbers. ANYONE holding a Christmas party where there will be oldies and/or littlies should stick on the invitation "if you have any cold or flu symptoms, please do not attend. We will save you some food. Thank you for your consideration."
Mark Alexander 1 month ago
Should've stopped with "We are NOT adding 2 hours to our daily commute." They have no right to keep the kid without you there. None.
Dragon Ashes 1 month ago
They'd add four hours one there and back in the morning and the same at night.
Load More Replies... Remi (He/Him) 1 month ago
A two year old in our neighborhood drowned in a hot tub when I was younger. You don't want to risk small kids and reachable water in the same space, because all it takes is having your attention lapse for a second for toddlers to do a disappearing act. Afaik the dad had to attend something with their five year old and that's all it took
Mark Childers 1 month ago
As a kid, I was a fish. You couldn't keep me out of water. I taught myself to swim because for me it was like breathing. It was so natural. When I was around 5, my mother took us for swimming lessons, and I learned the actual swim techniques, but I still swim my way. I enjoy relaxing and gently skimming the water. But I know these days, most kids don't actually learn to swim. I would be worried about any kid near a body of water, but especially a toddler. Pools are a pain in the a*s. People think they'll love them and get so much use out of them. And they probably will for the first season or two, and then it's a moneypit that requires constant maintenance. I fell in love with a house. It was so perfect and even had a guest house. I passed because it had a pool. There was no way I was dealing with a pool. Nightmare. I know from experience.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
Oh and the sodding leaves , in winter , n god knows what else ,lovely idea yes practical Hell no !
Load More Replies... Alexandra 1 month ago
Of course the whole p*o-thing is a non-starter: no fence, no grandchild. As for the flu, I don't get people who think it's ok to infect other people. The flu can and does still k**l people: infants, the elderly, those with diminished resistance. If you have the flu and you invite people over or you go and visit someone, that qualifies for being tarred and feathered in the local market place. I
Trillian 1 month ago
European me: They live AN HOUR away and expect her to quit daycare and bring the kid to her place???
Dragon Ashes 1 month ago
We don't really see an hour as being that far. If one of them worked in the area it would honestly be great. Gas and wear and tear on the car would still be far less money than daycare. Daycare here is prohibitively expensive. You can be paid twice minimum wage and it can still make sense to quit and stay home with the kids. (Not under these circumstances however.) My son and his girlfriend both commute an hour to work. She goes east, he goes south. It's extremely common.
Load More Replies... Milos Ćirin 1 month ago
Neverovatno je da neko odbija besplatnu ogradu koja bukvalno spasava život. Ograničavanje kontakta ovde nije kazna za babe i dede, već zaštita za dete.
Beak Hookage 1 month ago
"If you don't care about my child's safety then I don't care about your feelings or your d**n lawn. Get bent."
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
It only takes turning around to unload the washer , or stir a pan of something on cooker , n the littles ones out that door ,in the pool n dead . Literally that’s all it takes , one moment of distraction ! NO FENCE is a danger end off , oh and it’s most home insurance demand it to for obvious reason ,if mil cant see that ,then that’s on her , oh n the flu thing , Flu k ills ! more so in younger kids and older people , also the driving an hour each bloody way twice a day , 5 days a week , the fuel alone will cost far more than any daycare , mil has lost her marbles , op stick to your guns , n keep your beautiful child safe , keep us updated plz x
Rebecca Joan 1 month ago
The flu kills adults, so why the in-laws would be mad that they didn’t want to bring their grandchild over when they had the flu is f*****g crazy.
Donna Harris 1 month ago
My 4 year old cousin drowned the family pool. Fence the d**n thing...and ugly fence is a small price to payk
Emilu 1 month ago (edited)
In Aus where I am you need pool fences legally as well. And we still get kids drowning even with them. So eff bringing a kid somewhere that *doesn't* have one. Also, the flu doesn't just kill kids; it kills adults as well. Anyone who asked the OP "why are you so worried about the flu?" is a freakin' dumb-ass.
UpupaEpops 1 month ago
I just really don't understand the mentality. Yes, pool fences are ugly. But your child/grandchild or even a smaller dog drowning in it is significantly worse...
Marcellus II 1 month ago
The problem with a lot of the remaining older people is they survived Covid unscathed, and therefore feel justified to ignore any post-1950 advice. So anything reasonably new is 'helicopter parenting'... Pools used to be public, you'd actively be there; very different from being relaxed at home and being distracted by a neighbour calling five minutes and then tragedy strikes --- even though kindhearted and careful, it happens and cannot be undone.
Glen Ellyn 1 month ago
Several years ago, shortly after my son and his family moved into their new house, we made a trip to visit them (roughly a 3½ hour road trip). There were 14 of us staying at their new house for a couple of nights. The first night, my daughter's oldest daughter got sick - puking on herself, the air mattress she was sleeping on, and along the "trail" to the bathroom. Their brand new house! We felt awful about it and helped clean as much as we could before we packed up the car and headed home. I found out later that of those 14 people, 10 of them came down with the same stomach bug. Thankfully, I was one of the lucky ones. My son called me a few days later to check on me. Having not heard from me, he was worried that I was upset because I got sick. The kids are older now and all are past the toddler stage, but we now avoid visiting during the holidays and cold/flu season.
Dragon Ashes 1 month ago
That's really sad. You can't predict illnesses unless you actively are sick. I remember one Christmas my daughter got sick in the car on the way to Christmas. We were closer to out destination an home, so we continued to my sister's. My daughter continued to be sick, but we had her isolated and no one else got sick. And if I'm going to get sick I'd rather have norovirus than anything else. It's highly unlikely to k**l you and when it's over it's over.
Load More Replies... Paul Sloan 1 month ago
As a grandparent I’ve raised my children and now it’s time to enjoy life the way I see fit.
FluffyDreg 1 month ago
Doesn't entitle you to your kids children if you won't put basic saftey measures in place
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