Husband Makes Clothes For His 27 Y.O. Wife, Gets Confused Why She’s Angry He’s Switched To More Conservative Styles Over The Years
Mastering a craft is an amazing thing. Not only does it make for an amazing hobby that may or may not help you relax, but, depending on the craft, you might be able to save loads of money on things.
Take tailoring, for instance. Making your own clothes from scratch not only saves you money on the “labor cost” of a given article of clothing, but also gives you hours of entertainment, leading to a result that fits you and your preferences and you can also recycle and patch up all your clothing, so it’s also good for the planet.
And what is more, you can also tailor clothes for your partner too! It’s just amazing… unless you start deciding what they will wear based on their changing physical and social characteristics and anger them as a result.
More Info: Reddit
Being able to make your own clothes is very useful, but using that as a way to control your SO’s style is anything but good
Image source: Rikky_Satin (not the actual photo)
So, a 33-year-old Redditor nicknamed u/hautesociete visited the Am I The A-Hole community, asking if he was wrong to change the style of clothing he designed and tailored for his 27-year-old wife to suit her age, fitness, and image.
You see, he learned sewing as a hobby together with his sisters and has been doing so for 15 years, though he does something altogether different for a living. But, he has been tailoring clothes for his wife of 5 years.
At first, when they were dating, he’d make “young” clothes—shorter dresses, bright-colored clothing with plunging necklines and the like. What is more, the clothes were also meticulously adjusted to make sense based on their physical shape and social status, which equated to 50k annually.
So, this 33 Y.O. guy asked folks online if he was wrong to adjust his wife’s style by gradually tailoring increasingly conservative clothing over the years
Image source: hautesociete
However, things have changed in the years that they’ve been together, and that includes their paychecks, physical appearance, and, needless to say, age, which comes with a slew of connotations.
And so the designs he makes for his wife have become more conservative—knee and ankle-length dresses, bishop or Juliet sleeves, higher necklines, you get the idea. Whatever the case, he considered this fashionable.
But the wife started noticing these changes after having looked at some old photos, and asked why he doesn’t make clothes like that anymore. And his reasoning—i.e. him trying to adjust the clothes to who they are now, being more mature, and, besides, her not having to buy clothing, nor pay for what he tailors—didn’t really go well with the Mrs. as she got very upset about it.
Image source: hautesociete
Image source: Paula Satijn (not the actual photo)
And she wasn’t the only one to think that, as commenters in the thread were also of the opinion that OP was the bad guy in this situation. Many stressed that 27 isn’t so old that one needs to start wearing conservative clothing.
In fact, so many folks fixated on her being young that it became grounds for calling him controlling, puritan, and pretentious. Folks were also surprised that he never really asked for her input on the clothes he made, though it is important to note that he did mention he can make whatever she asks, but it’s not known if she ever asked.
The vote was pretty much unanimous with folks saying OP was in fact awful for doing what he did
Folks agreed that he can’t decide what she is to wear, regardless of age, questioning if he actually makes clothing for her, or to correct her clothing mistakes. And yet others took a jab at him and began asking for specific clothes to be tailored, like burkas to hide their ugly complexions.
All in all, folks considered OP the a-hole here, and there were no two ways about it. While the post itself got a modest 400 upvotes, some commenters got upvotes in the thousands, so there was some attention drawn, and it made some headlines online.
You can check out everything here, or see other Am I The A-Hole? stories here. But before you do that, share your thoughts and let us know just how much OP did, or did not, screw up in the comment section below!
I find it odd that he writes about their incomes and social status. It seems that he cares too much about other people’s opinions regarding him and his wife.
I was thinking that too. Their income doesn't have anything to do with it.
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At 33 and 27 they're older? And here I am in my running shorts and a neon pink top at 39, still pulling it off.
Yeah either the post is a lie or that guy is every kind of horrible.
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The thing that struck me most about the story is that he considers 50k as low income.
If you're putting in all that work to do something for someone, why not do it the way they want it?
Because it's actually a way to control her, just with a nice spin on it. Note he also says he pays for the fabric, probably a point in the guilt tripping.
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27! She's so young! When op described her, I thought she was like, 50! (which still isn't that old lol)
I make my own clothing and by his definition my clothes by shape and style are old lady clothes. I like a bishop sleeve and a knee length skirt but that's my style because I chose it (well actually it fits my body shape really well, so that influenced it a lot) but I don't do grown up colours my latest dress is covered in bright rainbow cats - because I want to wear crazy styles that I choose. If I had a partner trying to get me to change my style I probably would change my relationship status instead (to single). If he had been offering more conservative styles in bright colours for her to choose from it would have been ok as she chose them out of his offerings but to make a blanket decision maybe she should be either looking to buy her clothes or get rid of him . . .
If she wants to get rid of him without a divorce, show him pictures of what I'm wearing at 51 (yes, short skirts are an option when I'm in the mood, and no, I'm not a model). :D Seriously, that guy is a zombie. And she's not even 30. At that time she should live her best life!
I live in the US South, and wear shorts that would shock this guy. Why? B/c it's frigging a million degrees outside! I don't want to get heat exhaustion!
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He's definitely the AH, talk about taking manipulation to extremes! Why would she put up with that kind of BS control?
Just like clothing doesn't have a gender, it doesn't have an age. Wear what you like, what you're comfortable in, and what makes you feel good about yourself. If you're 75 and can rock a mini-skirt, go for it. It worked for Tina Turner, didn't it?
I don't think I have read one of these before where they are so close to NTA but so far the other way. If his genuine reasoning was simply because he liked making those sorts of clothes and thought she'd like them too, I'd have said NTA, though maybe a little naive. But it's clearly not that. He's fixated on income, whether his wife is "in shape" and "young" enough to pull the design off and what his rich "conservative" friends think. He also has a very warped view of what he is doing and the gratitude that he should expect from it. Her opinion and feelings are not invalidated just because he is doing the work for free.
Right? I make clothes for my friends and you get what you get because I'm not a professional and I'm doing it for free, as my gift to that person. Like my ex was temporarily mad at first that I made pants for another guy before I made his, it was really because I'd never made mens pants before and I wanted him to get the better pair. He was pretty happy when he got his and understood my logic. (And his pockets and fly looked better) but I like don't do it to control people beyond "NO WENDY YOU CAN NOT GET MARRIED IN PANTS WITH A HOLE IN THE BUTT!!! I'm making a pattern from your favorite pants! (True story)
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This might be the biggest pile of BS ever created. I do not believe for a minute that either of them are pulling in that kind of money, I don't believe that man has been seeing ALL of his wife's clothes for 7 years, and I really, really don't believe that woman (who makes 150k a year, yeah right) just allows her husband to create and control her wardrobe. Nor, do I believe that she just happened to notice a style change while going through old photo albums...this guy is a LOSER and a liar
"Man takes control of how his wife dresses under the disguise of 'helping'." Is she buying clothes she likes only to find them altered without her knowledge? Does she not take part in the design and fitting process? I have so many questions about how this tailoring went unnoticed. Am also highly suspicious that this older man with a trophy wife is consciously making her look less appealing to other men. This is the weirdest thing I've read in a while. 😅
I can buy the point that single people in their early 20s often have different fashion needs than married professionals in their late 20s. The clothes you wore to raves and nightclubs at 22 might not work at 27 if your social life is now more about upscale restaurants and professional networking mixers. In other words, it's not the actual clothing issue that makes this guy the AH. It's the snobbish, classist, controlling, fat phobic, misogynist vibe that oozes through his explanation.
This guy's insecurities are astounding. Also, I'm mildly disturbed that he seems to not consider letting his wife buy her own clothes... At that income level! We dream of that much money (just her salary) in most of the world!
What makes you think that this guy interferes with what she buys?
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Dude just fell off the apple cart yesterday? It has nothing to do with who benefits and who is contributing. He just poked at the most painful spot a woman could have, at the age of 27 no less. And she's his wife...
Yeah, I would not take it well if my husband decided what I should wear depending on my body type and age. Especially not at 27. It would be one thing if he felt like doing something else and said "I'm done with these types of designs, I want to do something new - if you don't like them it's fine if you want to buy clothes you like" but to knowingly change designs because of her is a totally different thing. That comes off as controlling and degrading.
The money vs the problem is stupid. Dress how you want. 33-27 years old is a jump in perceived life roles. At 27 I would drink like an animal and party until sunrise. At 32 that’s a hell no. Perception is your reality and these 2 have different perceptions. And a combined 350k a year, STFU.
Smart rational people adjust their personal style (1) to fit the occasion and (2) to fit the person’s unique body style, as it may change with age and fitness. It is foolish to follow fashion trends that do not fit the individual. Anyone criticizing the clothes without knowing more does a disservice to the man and to his wife.
People, smart, rational people, should adjust their personal fashion (1) to the situation and (2) to styles that flatter their unique body, whatever the current fashion trend for international models.
YTA and you both make enough money that she can buy what she wants to wear if she doesn’t like what you make. Why doesn’t she just do that? Sounds like you’re trying to make her look middle-aged and she’s letting it happen.
He should have said it was more professional. Few people like to hear they've gotten fatter and more boring, (though he should realize he is included in that "more boring". But he seems aware and accepting of his maturation) There's no way she'd be able to wear the clothes he describes at a 150k, professional job. Regardless, he doesn't owe her a bespoke wardrobe, so if she doesn't like what he makes, she can buy stuff. For the sake of peace, he can keep up his designs as they are, but throw in the occasional date outfit.
This whole thought process is so out of whack. People saying 27 is still young, so are you saying that if she was 50, then what he's saying would make sense? She's older so she can't wear plunging necklines and shorter dresses. That's sounds dumb as hell. Age doesn't dictate style and fashion choices. One can be 80 and still be able to carry a plunging neckline if they damn well please. Wear what makes you happy for God's sake! 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
He's got a Madonna/Wh0re complex concerning his wife. Thinks all women are supposed to fall into the categories of 'hot and f0ckable' or 'matronly mom' and there is no in-between.
i think you would be the a*****e only if you demanded her to wear the clothes you made. if not, YNTA
Just to let this guy know, Jimmy Stewart's character in Vertigo was not supposed to be sympathetic.
Weird post. Weird couple. Why does he make clothes for her without asking her what she wants? And why is she wearing things she doesn't like? They should try 'talking to each other'. I heard htat works wonders for couples.
he says she only noticed when looking on the old pictures. to me it seems the clothes are not that much more conservative 🤷
Poor thing trapped down with a man at the age of 20 and married already at 22 with his making all her clothes. Guess it was partially romantic. They're both daft.
YTA. This is not about her getting older. This is about you slowly making her less attractive to the opposite sex under the disguise as: we got older and have more conservative friends. Has anything happened? Have you noticed your wife gets attention from men and now you're insecure and changed your style for her?
Again non-issue that could have been solved if they had talked even once about it, yes they are young and no dictating what someone wears is not cool, but obviously she is doing financially very well so she can buy the clothes she wants if the ones her husband makes feel too "old lady" like. But as I said, just discuss about it.
I'm sorry but I'm closer to the man's age than the woman's, but I've also had 2 children and unfortunately never 'bounced back' from that. I would super appreciate clothing that fits me and also doesn't make me feel horrible about being overweight. It's not like he's forcing her to wear the clothes he makes (at least the post didn't present it as so) so she can absolutely choose to wear whatever the hell she wants to. He's not the a*****e for making the clothes, but he is, only if he forces her to wear them.
33 and 27 and they're jointly pulling down 350K? Damn. Impressive. Anyway, come on, dude, she's 27. . . .stop trying to dress her like some frumpy old maid.
Have you seen the prairie dresses at target? Yeah, nobody wants those.
The wife must be really stupid if she needs photos to see the cloths aren't the same anymore.
You've never looked at old pictures of yourself and been either pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised at the kinds of outfits you used to wear?
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I'm having trouble seeing the problem here, though i'm not at all surprised by the response to the post. So lets break it down...1) A 20 year old body, is much, much different than a 27 year old body. The older you get, the more you have to work to keep the figure you had when you were younger. 2) Yeah, salaries are kind of relevant, because it reflects what your social circle looks like. If you're making that kind of money, showing up to the office wearing something from forever 21, probably isn't going to go over real well. 3) No one should be wearing the same thing they wore as a teenager when they're closing in on 30 4) and this is the obvious one...He's making the clothing. He seems to be designing it as well. That means, he can make whatever the hell he wants. If they're earning $350k a year between the two of them, if she doesn't like what gifts she's being given, she can probably get in her car, go to literally, any clothing store, and buy whatever the hell she wants.
What’s next, AITA for not getting my wife the Gucci bag she wanted? I rented the small private jet for my wife, AITA for not getting the big one? Stupid
The wife is 27 years old. Yup, time to age gracefully.
Load More Replies... I find it odd that he writes about their incomes and social status. It seems that he cares too much about other people’s opinions regarding him and his wife.
I was thinking that too. Their income doesn't have anything to do with it.
Load More Replies... At 33 and 27 they're older? And here I am in my running shorts and a neon pink top at 39, still pulling it off.
Yeah either the post is a lie or that guy is every kind of horrible.
Load More Replies... The thing that struck me most about the story is that he considers 50k as low income.
If you're putting in all that work to do something for someone, why not do it the way they want it?
Because it's actually a way to control her, just with a nice spin on it. Note he also says he pays for the fabric, probably a point in the guilt tripping.
Load More Replies... 27! She's so young! When op described her, I thought she was like, 50! (which still isn't that old lol)
I make my own clothing and by his definition my clothes by shape and style are old lady clothes. I like a bishop sleeve and a knee length skirt but that's my style because I chose it (well actually it fits my body shape really well, so that influenced it a lot) but I don't do grown up colours my latest dress is covered in bright rainbow cats - because I want to wear crazy styles that I choose. If I had a partner trying to get me to change my style I probably would change my relationship status instead (to single). If he had been offering more conservative styles in bright colours for her to choose from it would have been ok as she chose them out of his offerings but to make a blanket decision maybe she should be either looking to buy her clothes or get rid of him . . .
If she wants to get rid of him without a divorce, show him pictures of what I'm wearing at 51 (yes, short skirts are an option when I'm in the mood, and no, I'm not a model). :D Seriously, that guy is a zombie. And she's not even 30. At that time she should live her best life!
I live in the US South, and wear shorts that would shock this guy. Why? B/c it's frigging a million degrees outside! I don't want to get heat exhaustion!
Load More Replies... He's definitely the AH, talk about taking manipulation to extremes! Why would she put up with that kind of BS control?
Just like clothing doesn't have a gender, it doesn't have an age. Wear what you like, what you're comfortable in, and what makes you feel good about yourself. If you're 75 and can rock a mini-skirt, go for it. It worked for Tina Turner, didn't it?
I don't think I have read one of these before where they are so close to NTA but so far the other way. If his genuine reasoning was simply because he liked making those sorts of clothes and thought she'd like them too, I'd have said NTA, though maybe a little naive. But it's clearly not that. He's fixated on income, whether his wife is "in shape" and "young" enough to pull the design off and what his rich "conservative" friends think. He also has a very warped view of what he is doing and the gratitude that he should expect from it. Her opinion and feelings are not invalidated just because he is doing the work for free.
Right? I make clothes for my friends and you get what you get because I'm not a professional and I'm doing it for free, as my gift to that person. Like my ex was temporarily mad at first that I made pants for another guy before I made his, it was really because I'd never made mens pants before and I wanted him to get the better pair. He was pretty happy when he got his and understood my logic. (And his pockets and fly looked better) but I like don't do it to control people beyond "NO WENDY YOU CAN NOT GET MARRIED IN PANTS WITH A HOLE IN THE BUTT!!! I'm making a pattern from your favorite pants! (True story)
Load More Replies... This might be the biggest pile of BS ever created. I do not believe for a minute that either of them are pulling in that kind of money, I don't believe that man has been seeing ALL of his wife's clothes for 7 years, and I really, really don't believe that woman (who makes 150k a year, yeah right) just allows her husband to create and control her wardrobe. Nor, do I believe that she just happened to notice a style change while going through old photo albums...this guy is a LOSER and a liar
"Man takes control of how his wife dresses under the disguise of 'helping'." Is she buying clothes she likes only to find them altered without her knowledge? Does she not take part in the design and fitting process? I have so many questions about how this tailoring went unnoticed. Am also highly suspicious that this older man with a trophy wife is consciously making her look less appealing to other men. This is the weirdest thing I've read in a while. 😅
I can buy the point that single people in their early 20s often have different fashion needs than married professionals in their late 20s. The clothes you wore to raves and nightclubs at 22 might not work at 27 if your social life is now more about upscale restaurants and professional networking mixers. In other words, it's not the actual clothing issue that makes this guy the AH. It's the snobbish, classist, controlling, fat phobic, misogynist vibe that oozes through his explanation.
This guy's insecurities are astounding. Also, I'm mildly disturbed that he seems to not consider letting his wife buy her own clothes... At that income level! We dream of that much money (just her salary) in most of the world!
What makes you think that this guy interferes with what she buys?
Load More Replies... Dude just fell off the apple cart yesterday? It has nothing to do with who benefits and who is contributing. He just poked at the most painful spot a woman could have, at the age of 27 no less. And she's his wife...
Yeah, I would not take it well if my husband decided what I should wear depending on my body type and age. Especially not at 27. It would be one thing if he felt like doing something else and said "I'm done with these types of designs, I want to do something new - if you don't like them it's fine if you want to buy clothes you like" but to knowingly change designs because of her is a totally different thing. That comes off as controlling and degrading.
The money vs the problem is stupid. Dress how you want. 33-27 years old is a jump in perceived life roles. At 27 I would drink like an animal and party until sunrise. At 32 that’s a hell no. Perception is your reality and these 2 have different perceptions. And a combined 350k a year, STFU.
Smart rational people adjust their personal style (1) to fit the occasion and (2) to fit the person’s unique body style, as it may change with age and fitness. It is foolish to follow fashion trends that do not fit the individual. Anyone criticizing the clothes without knowing more does a disservice to the man and to his wife.
People, smart, rational people, should adjust their personal fashion (1) to the situation and (2) to styles that flatter their unique body, whatever the current fashion trend for international models.
YTA and you both make enough money that she can buy what she wants to wear if she doesn’t like what you make. Why doesn’t she just do that? Sounds like you’re trying to make her look middle-aged and she’s letting it happen.
He should have said it was more professional. Few people like to hear they've gotten fatter and more boring, (though he should realize he is included in that "more boring". But he seems aware and accepting of his maturation) There's no way she'd be able to wear the clothes he describes at a 150k, professional job. Regardless, he doesn't owe her a bespoke wardrobe, so if she doesn't like what he makes, she can buy stuff. For the sake of peace, he can keep up his designs as they are, but throw in the occasional date outfit.
This whole thought process is so out of whack. People saying 27 is still young, so are you saying that if she was 50, then what he's saying would make sense? She's older so she can't wear plunging necklines and shorter dresses. That's sounds dumb as hell. Age doesn't dictate style and fashion choices. One can be 80 and still be able to carry a plunging neckline if they damn well please. Wear what makes you happy for God's sake! 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
He's got a Madonna/Wh0re complex concerning his wife. Thinks all women are supposed to fall into the categories of 'hot and f0ckable' or 'matronly mom' and there is no in-between.
i think you would be the a*****e only if you demanded her to wear the clothes you made. if not, YNTA
Just to let this guy know, Jimmy Stewart's character in Vertigo was not supposed to be sympathetic.
Weird post. Weird couple. Why does he make clothes for her without asking her what she wants? And why is she wearing things she doesn't like? They should try 'talking to each other'. I heard htat works wonders for couples.
he says she only noticed when looking on the old pictures. to me it seems the clothes are not that much more conservative 🤷
Poor thing trapped down with a man at the age of 20 and married already at 22 with his making all her clothes. Guess it was partially romantic. They're both daft.
YTA. This is not about her getting older. This is about you slowly making her less attractive to the opposite sex under the disguise as: we got older and have more conservative friends. Has anything happened? Have you noticed your wife gets attention from men and now you're insecure and changed your style for her?
Again non-issue that could have been solved if they had talked even once about it, yes they are young and no dictating what someone wears is not cool, but obviously she is doing financially very well so she can buy the clothes she wants if the ones her husband makes feel too "old lady" like. But as I said, just discuss about it.
I'm sorry but I'm closer to the man's age than the woman's, but I've also had 2 children and unfortunately never 'bounced back' from that. I would super appreciate clothing that fits me and also doesn't make me feel horrible about being overweight. It's not like he's forcing her to wear the clothes he makes (at least the post didn't present it as so) so she can absolutely choose to wear whatever the hell she wants to. He's not the a*****e for making the clothes, but he is, only if he forces her to wear them.
33 and 27 and they're jointly pulling down 350K? Damn. Impressive. Anyway, come on, dude, she's 27. . . .stop trying to dress her like some frumpy old maid.
Have you seen the prairie dresses at target? Yeah, nobody wants those.
The wife must be really stupid if she needs photos to see the cloths aren't the same anymore.
You've never looked at old pictures of yourself and been either pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised at the kinds of outfits you used to wear?
Load More Replies... I'm having trouble seeing the problem here, though i'm not at all surprised by the response to the post. So lets break it down...1) A 20 year old body, is much, much different than a 27 year old body. The older you get, the more you have to work to keep the figure you had when you were younger. 2) Yeah, salaries are kind of relevant, because it reflects what your social circle looks like. If you're making that kind of money, showing up to the office wearing something from forever 21, probably isn't going to go over real well. 3) No one should be wearing the same thing they wore as a teenager when they're closing in on 30 4) and this is the obvious one...He's making the clothing. He seems to be designing it as well. That means, he can make whatever the hell he wants. If they're earning $350k a year between the two of them, if she doesn't like what gifts she's being given, she can probably get in her car, go to literally, any clothing store, and buy whatever the hell she wants.
What’s next, AITA for not getting my wife the Gucci bag she wanted? I rented the small private jet for my wife, AITA for not getting the big one? Stupid
The wife is 27 years old. Yup, time to age gracefully.
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