Husband Doesn’t Get Why Wife Is So Sad He Put “The Game” Before Her Twice
Anniversaries are as important as we make them. For some folks, they don’t mean all that much because they don’t need a specific day to make their partner feel special. Meanwhile, others want to make the day feel magical, so they spare no expense. But no matter what, the important thing is that both partners are on the same page.
When people’s goals misalign, however, it can lead to a lot of frustration. Or, like in the case of redditor u/Flat-Curve-3480, in tears. The woman opened up to the AITB online community about how her husband kept picking his friends over her during their anniversary. You’ll find the full story, as well as the internet’s advice, as you scroll down. Bored Panda has reached out to the author of the post via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Couples need to be on the same page about how important anniversaries are to both of them, and how they celebrate them
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One woman reached out to the internet for advice after her husband kept choosing his friends over her
Image credits: Marcus Herzberg / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Flat-Curve-3480
Couples need to remember that they’re a team and supposed to be on the same side
Anniversaries are a sore topic for some couples. There’s a lot of pressure to do something creative, romantic, and fun if you know your partner places a lot of importance on celebrating that date in a meaningful and extravagant way.
After all, most of us want our special someone to feel, well, special… However, after spending a long time together, it can be incredibly hard to come up with original ideas. And if you make a huge deal out of your anniversaries, you keep raising the bar to unimaginable heights year after year.
That’s a ton of responsibility! So it’s no wonder that some folks simply feel creatively burned out. At some point, they give up and opt for something low-key and simple.
There’s nothing wrong with a low-key celebration. However, the key here is to talk with your partner about both of your expectations. The bedrock of any happy and healthy long-term relationship is communication.
It’s unreasonable to expect anyone to be able to read your mind, even when you’re married to them. If something’s genuinely bothering you, if there’s a serious issue, you need to address it. Aloud! It’s then up to your partner to listen to your perspective, take in what you’re saying, and react appropriately.
It’s usually best to openly talk about these issues before frustration and resentment set in
While some people are great at picking up subtle clues about how you’d like them to behave in the future, others are grateful for a more direct approach. So if your partner doesn’t get why you’re upset, the simplest way to solve the problem is to tell them what’s going on in your heart and mind.
Don’t accuse them. Don’t yell. Don’t turn it into a massive argument where you dredge up every single mistake they’ve made in the past. Tell them how their behavior makes you feel and what would make you happy in the future.
The odds are that your partner will have a different perspective on things. They might have interpreted things differently. Or they might not have spotted a problem that you think is absolutely massive.
Even if you think you’re in the right, it’s vital that you actively listen to their side of things. At the end of the day, what human beings really want is to connect to others, to feel loved, and to be understood. And those awkward heart-to-heart conversations are how you get there.
Coming up with ideas for anniversary plans can be quite a challenge
In the meantime, if the issue is that your partner keeps forgetting that it’s your anniversary, you may need to address this as well. If they keep finding ways to surprise you throughout the year, then it might not be that big of a deal. It’s only an issue if they keep promising to do better and don’t.
In this day and age, there’s really no excuse for forgetting important events. You can set up reminders on your digital or physical calendars, as well as set alarms on your phone.
However, if the problem is figuring out what to do or what to get your partner, you can always ask them directly!
Alternatively, if you want to surprise them, think back to what their passions and hobbies are in life, whether that’s art, traveling, fine dining, dancing, or anything else. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate plan—but it does have to show that you care!
The author shared some more information about herself in the comments
Many internet users took the woman’s side and felt like she had nothing to apologize for
However, other readers had a more nuanced take. They had a different interpretation about what happened
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Anyone who sees their spouse crying and then blames them for ruining any kind of event isn't emotionally connected to them. It shouldn't matter if your spouse is upset for something you consider trivial. Could she have done things differently? Sure. But none of us can change the past. People have various abilities to read emotional cues, so I understand the husband not being able to read how important an event was. But to trivialize her pain once he realized she was experiencing it, that is just wrong. Above all else, marriage is about supporting your partner. If you can't do that, or you aren't getting that, perhaps you shouldn't be married
This is too general. Some partners are insecure and passive aggressive, which is exhausting because you’re left guessing what exactly happened to make them upset. If it’s big enough to cry in public over it, maybe it’s big enough to directly discuss with your spouse. Throwing a fit isn’t communicating.
Load More Replies...
I use to be this girl - didn't clearly express my expectations and then was hurt/angry when they were not met. If she wanted him to plan something, tell him that, or get over and plan something yourself.
Ikr? You should tell your SO that you actually want to be with them for anniversaries and other important events, it shouldn't be assumed. Really selfish of her to expect that he would want to spend their anniversary together, she should have made herself more clear. Buddies and sports take precedence over a marriage. What doesn't she get about that? This is completely her fault.
Load More Replies... "it's just one anniversary, we'll have plenty more" No. No, you won't.
Anyone who sees their spouse crying and then blames them for ruining any kind of event isn't emotionally connected to them. It shouldn't matter if your spouse is upset for something you consider trivial. Could she have done things differently? Sure. But none of us can change the past. People have various abilities to read emotional cues, so I understand the husband not being able to read how important an event was. But to trivialize her pain once he realized she was experiencing it, that is just wrong. Above all else, marriage is about supporting your partner. If you can't do that, or you aren't getting that, perhaps you shouldn't be married
This is too general. Some partners are insecure and passive aggressive, which is exhausting because you’re left guessing what exactly happened to make them upset. If it’s big enough to cry in public over it, maybe it’s big enough to directly discuss with your spouse. Throwing a fit isn’t communicating.
Load More Replies... I use to be this girl - didn't clearly express my expectations and then was hurt/angry when they were not met. If she wanted him to plan something, tell him that, or get over and plan something yourself.
Ikr? You should tell your SO that you actually want to be with them for anniversaries and other important events, it shouldn't be assumed. Really selfish of her to expect that he would want to spend their anniversary together, she should have made herself more clear. Buddies and sports take precedence over a marriage. What doesn't she get about that? This is completely her fault.
Load More Replies... "it's just one anniversary, we'll have plenty more" No. No, you won't.
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