“I Don’t Care”: Woman Tells MIL To Get Out After Coming Unannounced While She Was Sleeping
Marrying someone, for better or worse, does mean dealing with their family. This can be a wonderful thing, a source of free food and babysitting, or it can mean having some folks who feel like they are entitled or your time and energy.
A woman vented to the internet about her MIL who would constantly show up uninvited and unannounced, to the point where she had to blatantly tell her to get out. Instead of having her back, her husband decided to throw a tantrum. We reached out to the wife in the story and will update the article when she gets back to us.
In-laws are often very very good at overstepping boundaries
Image credits: Alexander Grey (not the actual photo)
One woman had to kick her MIL out of the house after she kept showing up uninvited
Image credits: Specialist_Cattle597
Image credits: Selcuk S (not the actual photo)
The MIL joke has a long and storied history
While “annoying mother-in-law” jokes might be the territory of comedy-hacks these days, this worn out genre does have some pedigree. While many jokes in history go unrecorded, no doubt due to scribes being joy-kills, some of the first instances appear to come from the ancient Romans.
The poet Juvenal, in Satire VI, jokes that no one can be truly happy while their mother-in-law is still alive. Given the Roman attitude towards women, this is possibly one of the most intense cases of punching down ever recorded. Then again, there are enough horror stories about in-laws that at least some of these jokes start to truly make sense. It wouldn’t be the first time an overbearing mother was the reason for relationship drama.
This is evidence that these jokes go back even further, if this sort of reference can be made without further elaboration. For whatever reason, unlike a lot of other ancient humor, this sort of joke could be made today and still get a few laughs every and then. Fortunately, without context, it has started to appear more like hack-humor.
Interestingly, most “current” mothers don’t actually find these jokes that offensive. One survey found that actual mothers-in-law saw the jokes as inoffensive, although not particularly funny. The reasoning was simple enough, they believed that they didn’t exhibit this sort of behavior, so these jokes simply didn’t apply to them.
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Personal boundaries are very important in any kind of relationship
The real issue isn’t that this woman is the wife’s mother-in-law, although that complicates things. It’s that she seems to be entirely unaware of normal personal boundaries. While some might see them as limiting, the truth is that boundaries are actually entirely essential for healthy relationships. Otherwise, as this story demonstrates, one person will just develop more and more resentment towards the other. This is often the genesis for so many breakups and divorces.
This can be particularly difficult with family, as a lot of the “normal” social norms are not there. After all, your parents have probably changed your diaper, how exactly do you make them understand what they can and cannot do? In laws can be even worse, as the only one who can really stop them is your partner, and, as this story shows, sometimes one’s partner does not at all hold the same boundary.
As many of the commenters noted, most of us would never show up at a close friend’s home unannounced, so why exactly should an in-law feel like this is acceptable. Unfortunately, this woman is going to need to sit down with her husband and make him understand. The fact that he is “embarrassed” means that he has fully overlooked her needs and wants in this situation, which is not the stuff that lasting relationships are made of. There are countless failed relationships that originated in the things people chose to keep to themselves.
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The YTA's are dreadful. It's common courtesy to call before you visit to find out if it's convenient. This especially applies when there is a newborn. My guess is that the YTA's need some serious therapy themselves. Being a grandparent and/or a MIL does't entitle you to anything. I so hate parents who ask their children when or whether there will be a grandchild. Not your business.
The YTAs are definitely people who show up unannounced and uninvited.
Load More Replies...I feel like the YTAs are probably men who have no idea how bad and long birth recovery can be. If someone woke me up from a nap after finally getting my infant to bed, id probably murder
I DON'T have a baby and if someone came in to wake me up from a nap I'd tell them to f**k off. Let this lady have some time by herself. It's hard enough getting a baby down for long enough to rest yourself.
Load More Replies...The MIL and her husband walked into the room when her breast were out, i cant belive nobody commented on that. Nobody wants that to happen, and to be woken up when you have just fallen into sleep can be quite painful and upsetting, especcialy when you are sleep deprived..
Then had the audacity to pull the blanket off her while insulting her wtafuckityf???? There would be some deaths in that house.
Load More Replies...Hubby invited his mom, she didn't show up uninvited. He just didn't tell OP she was coming. That makes him the AH. Mom earned her own AH award by trying to drag OP out of bed. Why couldn't she visit with her son (quietly) until OP woke up from her nap?
I think it's more likely his mommy didn't tell either of them, but his wife had already put her foot down about uninvited visitors and demanded he sets boundaries with mommy, but he doesn't want to do that, so he lies to his wife that she's announcing her visits to him and he doesn't see why he needs permission from his wife to see his mom to hide the fact that he enables her to do as she pleases.
Load More Replies...How privileged the ytas are. I would set fire to anyone who just showed up at my house without calling and i don't even have a baby. I don't care who you are. Even with family I need to prep for a visit. Having MIL just walk into my bedroom- which, btw, is weird in an of itself- is not okay. Now she could pull the MiL aside and tell her she really can't come if she doesn't tell her it's okay first. If she uses the excuse that she didn't answer the phone well... too bad. That means she's not available and she should try again later. And if hubby tells her it's fine then that's a convo to have with him. And if you don't care how I feel, then you should deal with the stress of how much attention that baby needs so let him take over. Hand him the baby and lock the bedroom door and get a nice long nap in. Baby screaming? Diaper change? Need to go to work? Too bad. Take care of it. A few times of that and he'll be more than happy to tell mom no.
Anyone who thinks this poor woman is an AH definitely does not respect anyone else's personal space or time. You DO NOT barge in on a breastfeeding/sleeping mother with a young baby. When you're post-partum and sleep deprived the last thing you want is to worry about entertaining other people in your home. The husband needs a wake up call and to understand she has certain boundaries that need to be upheld. And anybody who pulled a blanket off me and told me to get up for their unannounced visit would immediately lose a hand!
All YTA's can take a cactus up their pee holes! I'm actually surprised at OP's restraint. If it were me, hubby would have needed to call a priest for the extremely massive amount of hell I would have rained down on them both! Y'all nailed it by saying all the YTA's ARE those that show up uninvited smfh
The YTA's are dreadful. It's common courtesy to call before you visit to find out if it's convenient. This especially applies when there is a newborn. My guess is that the YTA's need some serious therapy themselves. Being a grandparent and/or a MIL does't entitle you to anything. I so hate parents who ask their children when or whether there will be a grandchild. Not your business.
The YTAs are definitely people who show up unannounced and uninvited.
Load More Replies...I feel like the YTAs are probably men who have no idea how bad and long birth recovery can be. If someone woke me up from a nap after finally getting my infant to bed, id probably murder
I DON'T have a baby and if someone came in to wake me up from a nap I'd tell them to f**k off. Let this lady have some time by herself. It's hard enough getting a baby down for long enough to rest yourself.
Load More Replies...The MIL and her husband walked into the room when her breast were out, i cant belive nobody commented on that. Nobody wants that to happen, and to be woken up when you have just fallen into sleep can be quite painful and upsetting, especcialy when you are sleep deprived..
Then had the audacity to pull the blanket off her while insulting her wtafuckityf???? There would be some deaths in that house.
Load More Replies...Hubby invited his mom, she didn't show up uninvited. He just didn't tell OP she was coming. That makes him the AH. Mom earned her own AH award by trying to drag OP out of bed. Why couldn't she visit with her son (quietly) until OP woke up from her nap?
I think it's more likely his mommy didn't tell either of them, but his wife had already put her foot down about uninvited visitors and demanded he sets boundaries with mommy, but he doesn't want to do that, so he lies to his wife that she's announcing her visits to him and he doesn't see why he needs permission from his wife to see his mom to hide the fact that he enables her to do as she pleases.
Load More Replies...How privileged the ytas are. I would set fire to anyone who just showed up at my house without calling and i don't even have a baby. I don't care who you are. Even with family I need to prep for a visit. Having MIL just walk into my bedroom- which, btw, is weird in an of itself- is not okay. Now she could pull the MiL aside and tell her she really can't come if she doesn't tell her it's okay first. If she uses the excuse that she didn't answer the phone well... too bad. That means she's not available and she should try again later. And if hubby tells her it's fine then that's a convo to have with him. And if you don't care how I feel, then you should deal with the stress of how much attention that baby needs so let him take over. Hand him the baby and lock the bedroom door and get a nice long nap in. Baby screaming? Diaper change? Need to go to work? Too bad. Take care of it. A few times of that and he'll be more than happy to tell mom no.
Anyone who thinks this poor woman is an AH definitely does not respect anyone else's personal space or time. You DO NOT barge in on a breastfeeding/sleeping mother with a young baby. When you're post-partum and sleep deprived the last thing you want is to worry about entertaining other people in your home. The husband needs a wake up call and to understand she has certain boundaries that need to be upheld. And anybody who pulled a blanket off me and told me to get up for their unannounced visit would immediately lose a hand!
All YTA's can take a cactus up their pee holes! I'm actually surprised at OP's restraint. If it were me, hubby would have needed to call a priest for the extremely massive amount of hell I would have rained down on them both! Y'all nailed it by saying all the YTA's ARE those that show up uninvited smfh































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