“Find A Farm And Have A Better Life”: Woman Shocked After She Checked Husband’s Dashcam Footage
Trust is the basis for any healthy relationship, especially a partnership. Feeling secure with your significant other is very important if you want to build something that lasts. After all, you are putting your wellbeing into the hands of another person, so knowing that your heart is safe with them is crucial.
However, trust isn’t easy to earn. It requires honesty and vulnerability when it comes to sharing your life experiences. Respect and boundaries are also a big part of it.
The following story from the Am I the Jerk subreddit is complicated in terms of trust. On one hand, the wife was crossing a boundary by invading her husband’s privacy regarding the dashcam footage. On the other, what she discovered seems to be more problematic than that. Read it below and decide for yourself which one of them is the jerk.
When it comes to doing sneaky things, there’s one rule you have to follow: leave no evidence behind
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
The man in the following story was up to no good but failed to delete the footage of it
Image credits: Artie Siegel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual photo)
Image credits: lyingwifedog
The husband’s reaction to the situation seems unjustified. What he did is quite awful, so one would expect for him to immediately beg for forgiveness. Instead, he’s turning everything around and pointing the finger at his wife and daughter, which comes off as manipulative.
The fact that the wife was suspicious about her husband’s behavior also shows that the trust in the relationship was already shaky. After all, not everyone would dare to snoop around the partner’s private videos to find evidence of any wrongdoing.
Trust is hard to rebuild
While earning trust is already quite a feat, rebuilding it is an even bigger endeavor. It requires both parties to do a lot of emotional labor to get to a place where they both feel secure in each other’s company.
A study suggests that a successful repair of trust requires three elements from the offender:
- Recognizing the offense and providing a sincere apology that shows one understands what they did wrong.
- Assuring the importance of the relationship and promising to change.
- Honestly taking visible steps that show they are changing their behavior.
Forgiving is the hardest part
And while the transgressor does need to put a lot of effort in earning trust, the build of the work actually lays on the victim. They are the ones that go through the rollercoaster of emotions of anger, sadness, and disappointment and then have to turn it all around into understanding and faith.
If your partner has broken your trust in any way, here are the steps of how to manage it:
- Don’t fight your emotions—let yourself be angry. This will help you validate your own feelings.
- Have an open, in-depth conversation about the transgression. Getting the full story will help you get true clarity of the situation and the reasons behind it.
- Once you’ve decided to forgive, observe if the behavior of your partner changes. Are they more respectful? Are they more honest? Do they show understanding when it comes to your feelings?
- Continue to respect their boundaries. Don’t go secretly checking their phone when they’re not looking.
- Focus on the future but also remember that forgiveness is hard. There will be ups and downs and you should give yourself and your partner enough grace if you wish to overcome this.
Also, know that walking away is sometimes the best option. In this story, it seems that the partners aren’t willing to mend their relationship, and it’s not hard to understand where they are coming from.
Many agreed that the husband’s actions were deplorable and the wife should take action
He’s an abusive, gaslighting controlling piece of bug s**t. Get as far away as fast as you can!
That poor doggie, I'm so glad she was chipped and was able to go home. What an awful man. Someone should take him out of state and abandon him.
Honestly this, pick him up after he's been drinking with his buddies, drop him off by the side of a road in the middle of nowhere and drive away, oh and get a divorce
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I’m not even a dog person and I know this is serial killer energy. Someone do something!
absolutely, that's abusive behavior and calling a child an a*****e?? He needs to get his arrogant a*s kicked
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Drop that pathetic meat sack of a husband like he tried to drop Ellie. You do that to a pooch, you are a nothing more than a walking, talking cesspool to me >:-(
If you are checking someone's dashcam/phone/mail you already don't trust them. Your relationship is already headed one way..
I agree with you that she didn’t trust him but I see why. To be fair she checked the dashcam after he told her that their dog had run away when she never had before in 13 years then she was found a long way from home. I would never think my partner would do that to our 13 year old dog but if he wasn’t here when I got home from work one night and I was told he had run away I would check too. People know their pets and pets can’t lie to you. She knew that their dog would not run away and couldn’t make it hundreds of miles.
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Fly him to Africa and have an uber drop him amongst the lions
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He's narcissistic, my father was diagnosed with that and he was always jealous of my sister and I for getting my mother's attention. It never changed, he made our lives hell and it took me a long time with therapy to get over his abuse. He won't change so it's up to op to change the life of her daughter for the better
You are right in that he has issues but I don’t think it’s the same thing as your awful father. I’m really sorry about what happened to you and your sister but this tool hasn’t got nearly enough intelligence to be a true narcissist. He left the camera on in his car. His phone was probably on too which could easily show his route to the wife who earns way more than him and probably pays the bill. He is just a jealous idiot who didn’t like that he had to look after the dog for a few days when she had shown that she preferred his wife and child and he wanted the attention they gave to the dog. Idiot, imbecile, jealous arsehole, wanker, K******d are all good descriptions, but not a narcissist.
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Yeah, that's actual gaslighting when the person in the wrong blames the other for getting called out on their own behaviour. Poor doggie, she deserves better... and so does the wife.
Also - I think anyone who is caught dumping a defenseless animal, if caught, should be driven 100 miles out of town, stripped naked, no cash, no phone. And I absolutely don’t think that is too severe…
My husband and I lived in the country. I can't tell you how many dogs & cats we found just dumped. I also can't tell you how many of those animals we found dead or dying. We saved those we could, but it is inhumane and viciously cruel. Pack his stuff, set it on the porch and change the locks. He should've been gone two minutes after her viewing the video. No second chances. No excuses.
Oh he would be as good as gone the second I found out. What a psycho!!!
Piece. Of. Sh*t. Not even a person at this point but a deranged, abusive, psychopath.
This literally turned my stomach. I hate this scum sucking bottom feeder of a so-called man. When someone does this to a defenseless pet there's something not right with their mind. You & your child will be much better off without him. Watch your backs & keep a close eye on your parents & your pup.
He called both you and your 7yr old daughter AH's? Wow!! Lady, be very careful about when he gets tired of dealing with a kid and decides to drop her off somewhere! There's a reason the FBI has now categorized animal abuse and neglect as a felony and precursor to sociopathic behavior. GET OUT NOW!!! Use the dash cam as evidence in court and call police and file a report. He's not an AH, he's a POS!!!
Report him for animal abuse. Send footage an keep also for divorce paperwork. If he can do that then sho knows if he hurts the dog when you're out? He's a man child.
He is not a human being, he is a disgusting piece of TRASH,and I hope you are divorcing him ASAP!!!!!!!
Narcissist? Or other sort of dyssocial kind... He can't feel empaty.... Run!
He’s not a narcissist, he’s a jealous childish prick without the brains to turn off the recording equipment in his car. He should be returned to the parents who raised him with a note on his back saying that they failed and need to finish the job.
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There is nothing more pure or innocent than our furry family members that rely on us for protection and safety. To do this to an animal that loves you and just wants to sit on your lap and be near you and loved, is effing incomprehensible. Not only divorce his a**, but take a baseball bat to his knee caps. Tho he deserves far worse.
classic case of deny ,deny,deny, then anger at being caught so you turn it around on the other person
Can this guy actually collect alimony after pulling a stunt like this? I can't imagine a judge allowing any sort of shared custody of their daughter after this little stunt comes to light. I hope this POS doesn't benefit in any way from her leaving.
My ex was jealous of my dog and I caught him intimidating her, making her get out of her own dog bed, taking her water bowl away, but it was never his fault, I was overreacting. Then he called my dog Weirdo, like it was her name. I made it very clear not to call her that again. Three weeks later he did it again. I kicked him out. That was the last straw that broke my back.
Unforgivable. Leave him before he does this again. Next time he will make sure she isn't found. Will your child be his next victim as well? This is sociopathic behavior. My husband cried when MY cat died after we had only been together a year. The dog is 13 and he is jealous?? It's just insanity. So lucky you got her back, poor thing. I would love to see the update to this story.
If my husband did that I'd nope him right in the middle of Compton with a bright red shirt while screaming good luck out of the car window as I drove off. This infuriates me on levels I can't express.
I think it is time that you do the same thing to your husband. Make sure to change the phone number in case someone finds him and tries to bring him back.
Divorce the AH and report him including the footage of him abandoning the dog. I do not know where you live, but in a civilised country this cannot be legal. Although why would you have to support him, as the divorce is clearly his fault? F...k that AH, tajr your kid and get as far away from him as possible. I sincerly hope sonething terrible and painful happens to him.
Instant divorce if my husband did this. I would never forgive or forget. I'm insanely angry at this dude and I don't even know him! How DARE he!!!
Accused the daughter of "liking the dog more than she likes her dad." Hell, I've never met either the dog or the despicable POS and I like the dog better!
Run like hell. Next he will think the kid asks for too much attention take her to the country and throw an Iphone 15 into a field.
Dude is calling is OWN daughter an AH for missing her dog? I really hope she bounces. This won't b the last, and he will learn to b smarter about c**p
He'd want to get at least a couple of states between us asap for his safety.
There was no reason to do that. They had the means to take care of the dog. He just didnt have the patience. I would have left him. Like divorce gone. If you can abandon an animal like that, you'll do that to a human.
I would throw a Frisbee to husband & leave him to find his way anywhere but home.
He dumped the family dog, who loves you to bits and couldn't understand where you all were, why you weren't coming to get her. then lied about it, got mad when nobody trusted him, called both you and a 7 year old child an a*****e just to cover up that he is the a*****e and not you. I would leave him, so the irony hits him hard that you, you're daughter and wee Ellie are the ones that are having a better life without him. I believe that the legal term is "Irreconcilable differences".
She knows now that he might have done other similar atrocities and she is staying?!? She is not the a** but she might be a masochist.
From: https://www.reddit.com/user/lyingwifedog/ - As of 2 months ago, she was planning to divorce him. She placed the dog with trustworthy people and was gathering evidence against him. She didn't move out of the house, probably because she bought it. I'm sure the lawyer will advise her on whether or not the ex-husband could claim the house if she left it.
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This is one where the only thing you can say is "y'all have issues."
I sense jealously (in a singing tune) but seriously if this dude got jealous and annoyed over a tiny poodle than imagine if ur daughter gets married later on in life and her kids do the same thing as the dog.
He got mad because that is his only play. There is no rational reason for his actions and he apparently doesn't have the ability to be remorseful... so it's attack! I can't just say "divorce him" - that gets thrown around for everything, but it would definitely take a lot of effort on his part to fix these relationships.
He’s an abusive, gaslighting controlling piece of bug s**t. Get as far away as fast as you can!
That poor doggie, I'm so glad she was chipped and was able to go home. What an awful man. Someone should take him out of state and abandon him.
Honestly this, pick him up after he's been drinking with his buddies, drop him off by the side of a road in the middle of nowhere and drive away, oh and get a divorce
Load More Replies... I’m not even a dog person and I know this is serial killer energy. Someone do something!
absolutely, that's abusive behavior and calling a child an a*****e?? He needs to get his arrogant a*s kicked
Load More Replies... Drop that pathetic meat sack of a husband like he tried to drop Ellie. You do that to a pooch, you are a nothing more than a walking, talking cesspool to me >:-(
If you are checking someone's dashcam/phone/mail you already don't trust them. Your relationship is already headed one way..
I agree with you that she didn’t trust him but I see why. To be fair she checked the dashcam after he told her that their dog had run away when she never had before in 13 years then she was found a long way from home. I would never think my partner would do that to our 13 year old dog but if he wasn’t here when I got home from work one night and I was told he had run away I would check too. People know their pets and pets can’t lie to you. She knew that their dog would not run away and couldn’t make it hundreds of miles.
Load More Replies... Fly him to Africa and have an uber drop him amongst the lions
Load More Replies... He's narcissistic, my father was diagnosed with that and he was always jealous of my sister and I for getting my mother's attention. It never changed, he made our lives hell and it took me a long time with therapy to get over his abuse. He won't change so it's up to op to change the life of her daughter for the better
You are right in that he has issues but I don’t think it’s the same thing as your awful father. I’m really sorry about what happened to you and your sister but this tool hasn’t got nearly enough intelligence to be a true narcissist. He left the camera on in his car. His phone was probably on too which could easily show his route to the wife who earns way more than him and probably pays the bill. He is just a jealous idiot who didn’t like that he had to look after the dog for a few days when she had shown that she preferred his wife and child and he wanted the attention they gave to the dog. Idiot, imbecile, jealous arsehole, wanker, K******d are all good descriptions, but not a narcissist.
Load More Replies... Yeah, that's actual gaslighting when the person in the wrong blames the other for getting called out on their own behaviour. Poor doggie, she deserves better... and so does the wife.
Also - I think anyone who is caught dumping a defenseless animal, if caught, should be driven 100 miles out of town, stripped naked, no cash, no phone. And I absolutely don’t think that is too severe…
My husband and I lived in the country. I can't tell you how many dogs & cats we found just dumped. I also can't tell you how many of those animals we found dead or dying. We saved those we could, but it is inhumane and viciously cruel. Pack his stuff, set it on the porch and change the locks. He should've been gone two minutes after her viewing the video. No second chances. No excuses.
Oh he would be as good as gone the second I found out. What a psycho!!!
Piece. Of. Sh*t. Not even a person at this point but a deranged, abusive, psychopath.
This literally turned my stomach. I hate this scum sucking bottom feeder of a so-called man. When someone does this to a defenseless pet there's something not right with their mind. You & your child will be much better off without him. Watch your backs & keep a close eye on your parents & your pup.
He called both you and your 7yr old daughter AH's? Wow!! Lady, be very careful about when he gets tired of dealing with a kid and decides to drop her off somewhere! There's a reason the FBI has now categorized animal abuse and neglect as a felony and precursor to sociopathic behavior. GET OUT NOW!!! Use the dash cam as evidence in court and call police and file a report. He's not an AH, he's a POS!!!
Report him for animal abuse. Send footage an keep also for divorce paperwork. If he can do that then sho knows if he hurts the dog when you're out? He's a man child.
He is not a human being, he is a disgusting piece of TRASH,and I hope you are divorcing him ASAP!!!!!!!
Narcissist? Or other sort of dyssocial kind... He can't feel empaty.... Run!
He’s not a narcissist, he’s a jealous childish prick without the brains to turn off the recording equipment in his car. He should be returned to the parents who raised him with a note on his back saying that they failed and need to finish the job.
Load More Replies... There is nothing more pure or innocent than our furry family members that rely on us for protection and safety. To do this to an animal that loves you and just wants to sit on your lap and be near you and loved, is effing incomprehensible. Not only divorce his a**, but take a baseball bat to his knee caps. Tho he deserves far worse.
classic case of deny ,deny,deny, then anger at being caught so you turn it around on the other person
Can this guy actually collect alimony after pulling a stunt like this? I can't imagine a judge allowing any sort of shared custody of their daughter after this little stunt comes to light. I hope this POS doesn't benefit in any way from her leaving.
My ex was jealous of my dog and I caught him intimidating her, making her get out of her own dog bed, taking her water bowl away, but it was never his fault, I was overreacting. Then he called my dog Weirdo, like it was her name. I made it very clear not to call her that again. Three weeks later he did it again. I kicked him out. That was the last straw that broke my back.
Unforgivable. Leave him before he does this again. Next time he will make sure she isn't found. Will your child be his next victim as well? This is sociopathic behavior. My husband cried when MY cat died after we had only been together a year. The dog is 13 and he is jealous?? It's just insanity. So lucky you got her back, poor thing. I would love to see the update to this story.
If my husband did that I'd nope him right in the middle of Compton with a bright red shirt while screaming good luck out of the car window as I drove off. This infuriates me on levels I can't express.
I think it is time that you do the same thing to your husband. Make sure to change the phone number in case someone finds him and tries to bring him back.
Divorce the AH and report him including the footage of him abandoning the dog. I do not know where you live, but in a civilised country this cannot be legal. Although why would you have to support him, as the divorce is clearly his fault? F...k that AH, tajr your kid and get as far away from him as possible. I sincerly hope sonething terrible and painful happens to him.
Instant divorce if my husband did this. I would never forgive or forget. I'm insanely angry at this dude and I don't even know him! How DARE he!!!
Accused the daughter of "liking the dog more than she likes her dad." Hell, I've never met either the dog or the despicable POS and I like the dog better!
Run like hell. Next he will think the kid asks for too much attention take her to the country and throw an Iphone 15 into a field.
Dude is calling is OWN daughter an AH for missing her dog? I really hope she bounces. This won't b the last, and he will learn to b smarter about c**p
He'd want to get at least a couple of states between us asap for his safety.
There was no reason to do that. They had the means to take care of the dog. He just didnt have the patience. I would have left him. Like divorce gone. If you can abandon an animal like that, you'll do that to a human.
I would throw a Frisbee to husband & leave him to find his way anywhere but home.
He dumped the family dog, who loves you to bits and couldn't understand where you all were, why you weren't coming to get her. then lied about it, got mad when nobody trusted him, called both you and a 7 year old child an a*****e just to cover up that he is the a*****e and not you. I would leave him, so the irony hits him hard that you, you're daughter and wee Ellie are the ones that are having a better life without him. I believe that the legal term is "Irreconcilable differences".
She knows now that he might have done other similar atrocities and she is staying?!? She is not the a** but she might be a masochist.
From: https://www.reddit.com/user/lyingwifedog/ - As of 2 months ago, she was planning to divorce him. She placed the dog with trustworthy people and was gathering evidence against him. She didn't move out of the house, probably because she bought it. I'm sure the lawyer will advise her on whether or not the ex-husband could claim the house if she left it.
Load More Replies... This is one where the only thing you can say is "y'all have issues."
I sense jealously (in a singing tune) but seriously if this dude got jealous and annoyed over a tiny poodle than imagine if ur daughter gets married later on in life and her kids do the same thing as the dog.
He got mad because that is his only play. There is no rational reason for his actions and he apparently doesn't have the ability to be remorseful... so it's attack! I can't just say "divorce him" - that gets thrown around for everything, but it would definitely take a lot of effort on his part to fix these relationships.
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