Toxic Guy Thinks Wife’s Autonomy Is “Disrespectful”, Acts Crazy When She Does Things For Herself

Let’s be real: every marriage goes through its rough patches, but some are just rocky roads all the way. Then, what starts out as the happiest day of a couple’s road together takes a detour into day in and day out disasters – basically a shortcut to divorce.

One woman, who’s ten years deep into a marriage with kids, turned to an online community to vent after her husband’s absurd reaction to her haircut and gym routine left her stunned and speechless. Now she’s questioning everything.   

 More info: Reddit

All marriages have their ups and downs, sure, but some are just down the whole way

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Image credits: pvproductions / Freepik (not the actual photo)

One woman, 10 years deep into married-with-kids life, started going back to gym after gallbladder surgery in an effort to shed some pounds and be more healthy

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One day she put on light makeup in the morning and went to the gym in the evening, prompting her husband to accuse her of getting “dolled up” for someone

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A week later, she cut her own hair, but when her husband saw it he blew a fuse and actually jumped up and down telling her how “ugly” it looked

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Now she’s wondering if her husband’s behavior is about the gym and haircut or deeper control issues, so she turned to netizens to get some outside perspectives

Married with kids and finally pain free, the original poster (OP) returned to the gym after years of chronic back spasms vanished post gallbladder surgery. One evening, however, her combo of light makeup plus leggings somehow triggered her husband’s imagination, complete with a fictional gym boyfriend and claims she’d abandoned her family.

He didn’t stop there. A simple request about dirty dishes sent him spiraling into body shaming, calling OP “big” and insulting her looks. Texts followed accusing her of infidelity, neglecting the kids, and threats to talk to other women. She shut down, frankly overwhelmed, while he framed her autonomy as some kind of personal disrespect.

Then came the haircut. Still long, still harmless, still her hair, but he mocked her, crossed his eyes, then jumped around yelling how bad it looked and even threatened divorce. A half-baked apology arrived later, followed by a loud speech about leadership and obedience, as if humiliation were a household value everyone should follow.

Then, somehow, things got even worse. OP’s husband joined the gym, then hid the car keys when it was her turn to go, loudly insulting her all along. That was the breaking point. OP booked an appointment with a divorce lawyer and says, despite everything, the future finally feels hopeful after years of walking on eggshells in her own home.

Look, OP’s marriage sounds like a disaster. The sooner she ends it the better, and let’s hope she gets custody of the kids, too. After all, her husband sounds like a real piece of work. If you’ve been mistreated by your spouse you might relate, but how do you deal with jealousy in a marriage?

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Well, in an interview for VeryWellMind, Katie Schubert (Ph.D.) an intimacy and couples’ therapist, says, “Experiencing jealousy in a relationship is fairly normal, especially in a new relationship or if the relationship is undergoing changes,”. OP’s been making some changes, but could her husband actually be jealous of her efforts at self-care? Um, we’re thinking that’s a hard yes. 

If you’re experiencing jealousy, it’s important to get a handle on it before it spirals. The pros suggest a few tips, like realizing that some jealousy is normal, creating an atmosphere of trust, and recognizing when it’s turning into harmful behavior.

The experts at HelloDivorce say some red flags that your spouse may have irrational suspicions include them asking you where you are and who you’re with, getting resentful of your friendships and platonic relationships, and seeing flirtation where it doesn’t exist. We’re looking at you, OP’s husband.

Irrational jealousy can be toxic, leaving you feeling isolated and controlled. It can even make you fear for your safety. OP’s husband’s reaction to her haircut wasn’t violent, but it wasn’t exactly reassuring either, was it?  

We’re glad that OP’s decided to lawyer up and keep working her way towards her phoenix moment. Because let’s face it, life’s too short for a lousy marriage and a spouse who hates on your wins. 

What’s your take? Is OP imagining things, or is it time for her to grab the kids and cut her losses, not just her hair? Drop your thoughts in the comments!

In the comments, readers said the whole thing was a mess of red flags and told the woman to get her exit plan ready

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