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Mom Tells Parents They Have To Treat Step-Grandkids The Same As Bio Grandkids, Family Drama Ensues
Interview With ExpertLife in a blended family can be challenging. After all, even normal families have their ups and downs. Keeping everyone happy and feeling included takes a lot of love, compassion, and heaps of commitment.
One woman couldn’t believe it when, five years in a row, her parents would lavish gifts on their bio grandkids while the step-grandkids went without. Having had enough of the unfair treatment, the woman decided to step in, but family drama soon erupted.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Blended family life can come with its challenges, but this woman’s parents only made things worse
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
For five years in a row, they’ve only given Xmas treats to their bio grandkids, letting the step-grandkids go without
Image credits: bearfotos / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Having had enough of the unequal treatment, the mom told the grandparents that they had to give gifts to all the kids
Image credits: Anna Tarazevich / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The grandparents refused, so the mom decided to divide the gifts equally among her four kids behind her parents’ back
Image credits: Gottoshare
When the grandparents found out, they were furious, but the woman turned to the web to ask if it would be unreasonable to tell them to get lost
OP begins her story by telling the community that she and her husband have four children—two biological and two from her husband’s previous marriage. She adds that every Christmas, her parents gift their biological grandkids money and an assortment of treats in a big Christmas Eve box. The step-grandkids in the relationship, however, get nothing.
She tells the readers that there have been numerous heated discussions during which OP has made it clear that it’s unfair to treat their step-grandkids differently. Apparently, this has been going on for five years and OP has had enough of it, so she’s started splitting the treats equally between the four grandkids without her parents’ knowledge.
Well, recently the grandparents were visiting and one of the step-grandkids happened to mention how thrilled they were about the Christmas Eve box. OP says her parents were livid and called her afterward to demand that she stop splitting the gifts, or they’d stop gifting them, to which OP responded that that would be fine by her.
Now the grandparents have demanded that OP drop their bio grandkids at their house for Christmas Eve morning so they can treat them alone, and have even told OP that they have grandparent’s rights. OP concludes her post by asking the readers whether or not it would be unreasonable of her to tell them to get lost.
Whether you’re part of a blended family or not, you’ve probably experienced some degree of unfair treatment. In OP’s case, her parents’ blatant favoritism could risk creating resentment in a family already navigating tricky territory. What should today’s step-grandparent be striving for, instead? We went looking for answers.
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In an article for AARP, owner, and therapist at the Divorce Resource Center of Georgia, Courtney Fields McVey, says, “You don’t have to force it to feel like that person’s been there all your life, but I do think it’s important to still offer the type of unconditional love and regard that you would automatically feel inclined to give to a biological relationship.”
Dr. Patricia Papernow, a Boston-based psychologist and author, says more research is needed on how step-families operate, adding that clinicians need better training on how to help them navigate relationships. Despite these shortcomings, both experts and step-grandparents agree on a few things.
First, discuss expectations with the parents – you want to avoid overrunning boundaries, so clear communication is key.
Second, go slow—let your step-grandkids take the lead, and don’t expect too much, at first. Remember, this is new for them, too.
Third, be a “grandfriend”—being fun and kind will go a long way to gaining your step-grandkids’ trust. Finally, err on the side of generosity when it comes to holidays, treats, and gifts.
As far as grandparents’ rights go (as OP’s parents have thrown in her face), there’s not much they can do unless they can prove in court that their grandkids are not being cared for, or are at risk of harm. Not much chance of that, then.
Bored Panda reached out to psychologist Dr. Mari Kovanen to get her take on the matter.
When we asked her whether or not the grandparents’ behavior qualifies as toxic, she had this to say, “Some grandparents find it difficult to come to terms with new additions to the family who are not biologically linked. However, all adults are important in child rearing and the message a differential treatment sends to the stepchildren is that you are not welcome if they do not get any presents.”
Kovanen went on to add, “The kids have already experienced a lot with the parents splitting and having new siblings, so this differential treatment just puts fuel to the fire. Adults are responsible for their behaviors, and their impact on children needs to be considered as a matter of priority over anything else.”
We asked Dr. Kovanen how she’d suggest OP move forward with her parents to try and bring some equality to the gift-giving situation and she responded, “She could try to explain the impact of differential treatment to her parents. However, just based on the fact that the grandparents have not been very welcoming to the family, it may be that they are not very open to hearing the consequences of their actions.”
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think the grandparents should up their game to include their step-grandkids? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
Netizens were divided over the mom’s actions, with some saying the grandparents were within their rights to withhold gifts, while others said the grandparents had hearts of stone
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What do you think ?
Suzie 1 year ago
Great. Another set of grandparents that don't understand grandparents rights and the legal criteria that must be met to get them. I'd tell those grinches to bugger off.
Parriah 1 year ago
Yup, my parents filed a lawsuit against me demanding grandparents rights because I set boundaries they didn’t like. All 3 grandchildren are their bio grandchildren but they refuse to have anything to do with younger two and tried repeatedly to turn my 13 year old against me and her siblings and lavished gifts and money and snuck around letting her do/have things not appropriate for a child. They lost their case but the fact that I had just begun chemotherapy for breast cancer 3 weeks before they filed was a kick to the face. We barely speak to them now and they are blocked. Grandparents rights are mostly used to abuse through the court system, and not used as it’s intended to keep contact between grandparents and grandkids in broken families with a sudden loss of access
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Nin Han 1 year ago
Should hit them back with the proper wording of the blood is thicker than water saying.
PhaseWitFact 1 year ago
That actual saying is :"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
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Janelle Collard 1 year ago
I get where OP is coming from. It would hurt me to see my step-kids being treated so callously. If grandparents want to play the blood game + only leave their s**t to the "blood grandkids" that's their choice. Nothing is keeping OP's kids from sharing with OP when the time comes. :)
V 1 year ago
As a child from a blended family, I didn't always get along with my stepsiblings, but it always hurt when my blood relations did not accept them. Then complained about how bad the boys turned out, never stopping to think that maybe if they accepted them in to the family and gave them positive role models they may have not turned out they way they did... Unfortunately the only one to see the error of his ways was my grandfather on his deathbed when my stepsiblings were there with him despite all the hell they put them through.
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Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
My parents had four boys and a girl (me). When my oldest brother married a single mom, he adopted her daughter. She was already my niece in my eyes anyway, this just made it legal. When our paternal grandfather died—-in 1976, btw—-and the obituary was put in the paper, it listed my grandfather’s two children (my father and aunt), his seven grandchildren (the five of us and my two cousins), and his one great-grandchild—-my niece, technically my step-niece. That meant my old school, old country born in Slovenia the end of the nineteenth century and immigrated to America in 1909, devoutly Catholic grandparents were still progressive (and wonderful!) enough to embrace my niece as their great-grandchild, regardless of whether she shared DNA with them or not. In 1976. If they could be like that almost a half century ago, what TF is wrong with this set of grandparents TODAY?
Hope Tirendi 1 year ago
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 To your Grandparents! We need more people like that!!!
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Surly Scot 1 year ago
Very few places have actual 'grandparents rights' through the courts, I love how delusional old people are.
Alex 1 year ago
These dh ds dc dd ... abbreciations drive me insane. I either read them all as slurs or imagine the terribly annoying person that can never say "my husband" but alkways says "my dear husband". It completely changes the vibe of these stories for me and immediately makes me suspect that there is a LOT that's not being told.
Sand Ers 1 year ago
I read enough of the original thread to know that the grandparents are doing this deliberately to signal to the younger children that they are inferior to their stepsiblings. Never mind these gifts - it's way past time to go NC with them.
Hope Tirendi 1 year ago
Isn't it also funny that they can accept him as the father to their "bio" Grandkids but can't except the other two he fathered just because the Mom is different. That disrespect his kids with their daughter.
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Uncommon Boston 1 year ago (edited)
If attending a family celebration, a polite host gives everyone in attendance a gift, step children, partners, and friends. Maybe not of equal value, but something to open. Children in the same family should receive equal gifts, especially money. They know what gifts they all received. Kids in a blended family are sensitive to unfairness and often easily perceive they are unwelcome. Extended family is often unaware of this or doesn't care. If they respect and love their own children, they would do what is best for them and their families. OP did the right thing. As parents it our duty to protect our children from toxic behavior. If you can't be nice to all my children we need less contact. My children will not be taken from me on a holiday. I already share the holiday with my ex. We would both fight this.
Helena 1 year ago
Didn't we just have another article just like this one from grandparents point of view? And everyone was bagging on the parents for saying 'treat all the kids the same or see none of the kids'. Everyone got all butt hurt because they gave the grandparents an 'ultimatum'. Well, this is the flip of that. This is why I said, all kids involved should always be treated equally. The damage that can be done for a lifetime is too great to just stamp your feet and say 'I don't wanna'. If they won't open their hearts to step kids, they're just jerks and would be a horrible influence on their blood grandkids anyway. Do you really want any of the kids turning out like them?
Momma Jess 1 year ago
Dude, my mother just sent me money so I could get my EX'S SON, not MY son, my EX'S son, a present from Nana...she's met him once...come on now, it's not that hard to make children at least THINK they're loved
Katherine Smith 1 year ago
I know it's annoying shorthand, but DH stands for Dear Husband, DC is either dear/darling child or dear/ darling children, SC is Step- child/children, DS is dear son, DD is dear daughter, etc...
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Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
The grandparents are right to prepare inheritances for the grandchildren. In fact, unless the stepchildren are adopted they have no legal rights to anything if their birth parent dies. Zilch. Further if the birth parent dies, SP has no obligation to care for them and no reason to be granted custody. Also I am an unadopted stepchild - never got anything from stepgrands and never expected it. Also my stepmother wasn’t even able to sign school paperwork as she wasn’t even a guardian
Katherine Smith 1 year ago
It's sad that your step-grands didn't treat you fairly. My family always treated all of us equally. We had a huge blended family. My grandfather had 6 siblings several who had been married more than once with multiple step children involved, my grandmother had 2 siblings, one of which was married twice with steps involved. They had 4 daughters of which 3 have blended families. I myself have an adopted sister. Our grands never made anyone feel less than. As to inheritance that all depends on how you have your will drawn up. If you have a blended family it's your duty to make sure your children are protected if something happens to you.
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Stacy s 1 year ago
Don't give those grandparents credit by pretending they're being nice. I agree if gp's say they will stop sending any gifts, then let them. And they do NOT have a right to demand u drop off two of your kids to them at x-mas. If they want to threaten you, let them try in court.
TruthoftheHeart 1 year ago
They should have been harsher and more firm up front if the grandparents don't want to treat all the children equally, then they can just not see any of them. You don't put children against each other in a popularity contest and favorites game all because of their bloodlines
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
They are clearly ok with prioritising some family over others, I would just have them visit after Christmas, and prioritise your other family on Christmas Eve. It cut them out, if you want. Grandparents rights are about general visitation and communication. They don't even extend as far as unlimited visitation and communication, they certainly don't mean they can show up on holidays when they are asked not to. No state or country guarantee grandparents rights.
Alison Shanahan 1 year ago
My mother in law has always treated her step grandson, the eldest of all her grandchildren as a biological child. She spends the exact same amount on each child. That's what a grandparent should do. He's a lovely young man now who knows he's loved by us, even though his parents are divorced.
Monica G 1 year ago
I would understand giving money in a sepparate account for their grandkids without making it public, but when it comes to gifts and sweets, those should be shared equitably. My kid was once in a similar situation, as he only got a cheap toy (all I could afford at the time) while his cousin, of similar age, got an expensive tablet. It was a Cristmas stay at the grandparents house. He still remembers being hurt by this, after many years.
Lola July 1 year ago
It's sad all around. The SC will learn eventually that all those treasured gifts were lies. Their hearts will be broken, crushed really. Mom should not have done this. She should have created her own special box or sent her children to the grandparents to open the box. The children have a right to be loved by their grandparents. The SC have their own grandparents as well.
Mark Stewart 1 year ago
Do you really think she should have told the step children, sorry kids my parents don't believe you're part of the family so you miss out, tough luck. She did the right thing in including them because they are part of this family now whether grandparents likes it or not.
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g️uy23 1 year ago
The grandparents are major twàts. I have a cousin who was adopted at 2 months old, and she's older than I am so it was before I was even born. I don't think I knew she's adopted until I was around 10, not because it was a secret but simply because it didn't matter – she was just my cousin, and as much a part of the family as anyone else. Our grandmother loved her dearly and unconditionally, my cousin actually moved in with after college for a couple of years, to my grandma's great satisfaction.
Robin Lynn 1 year ago
I did not know until I was a young adult that my grandfather was technically my step-grandfather! There were 13 of us total and my eldest male cousin - (blood) and myself (step) were actually his favorites! My son is named for him. I will never understand people like this.
Hope Tirendi 1 year ago
Would have loved if she included what his family does along with their bio moms family. Do they include the kids they had together or only the step kids (their bio family)? This info would help figure out just how rude the Grandparents are. I think they are cold for not doing anything for the steps. Just because their not related doesn't mean they need to be rude and do nothing.
Anna Drever 1 year ago
We have a step grandchild and they have EXACTLY the same amount spent on them. From us and from my parents, the great grandparents. Anything else is cruel.
Jay Curran 1 year ago
The grandparents should treat all the grandkids and step-grandkids the same when it comes to gifts. When it comes to their will, the grandparents should leave their estate equally to their children (not their grandchildren) and not worry about what happens to the money after that.
Hannah Kirtley 1 year ago
the issue is yhe grand parents got pissy when they found d our OP was supplementing the Christmas box on her own. she never asked for more cash/toys. we'll she did but when they didn't she just made it fair. like a GOOD PARENT SHOULD.
Jenny Begnell 1 year ago
Do the step children live with op all the time? I suspect not as they are opening the box on Christmas Eve. Do they spend Christmas Day with their mother who gives them presents, but not your children? What about their maternal grandparents? Are they in the picture? The answers to the questions are needed. Op may be disadvantaging her biological children in her determination to treat the sc equally.
Amy Burrows 1 year ago
This makes me sick! My husband adopted my son when he was 2 and my mother in law still doesn't test him the same as her "real" grand kids. He is 29 now and has his own children which she wonders why she hasn't even met them. Kids don't forget this type of thing. Luckily my husband was on board with treat my kids all the same or don't see them at all. So besides family reunion and such we haven't seen her in years. If suggest OP do the same. Thank you for sticking up for those children they will remember how much you cared.
CBolt 1 year ago
My dad's cousin had bio kids & an adopted child. Her mom referred to them as "my grandchildren & the adopted one." How can anybody think it's OK to say something so cruel?
Load More Replies... Marno C. 1 year ago
"Dear Mom and Dad. I am sorry for letting my stepchildren think that you were loving and generous. I can see how it offended and insulted you to be thought of in such terms. Yes, it is your right to spurn children who otherwise respected and loved you. I totally understand you only want to give love and and kindness to children who sprang from my loins. Your bio-grandchildren love the gifts you give. I am wondering, however, as the children grow older and all come to understand your preferences how I should I gift wrap the accidental gifts you are giving? Siblings who are estranged and resentful of each other. When your bio-grandchildren one day need sibling help and support and the older children feel too sad and rejected to help the youngers, would you like me to sign the card, 'Congratulations, Grandma and Grandpa wanted this way. They thought you were too good for a full loving family." Yes, it is emotional blackmail, but every act of favoritism severs the sibling love.
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
What are all these initials standing for ... I think I figured out a couple!
Binky Melnik 1 year ago
The asssholes who voted “It’s the grandparents’ rights to choose” feel that stepchildren should be fuccked over. I hope those voters are fuccked over in all aspects of their lives. (No, I was never a stepchild and I don’t even like children. I just hate wretched people.)
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
I mean I hope they thought the question was about inheritance not a box of goodies. :S
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Sarah Matsoukis 1 year ago
Just because you accept your partners kids as your own doesn't mean the rest of your family has to. They have their own sets of grandparents and your parents ect have no obligation other than basic politeness.
Mark Stewart 1 year ago
This isn't even basic politeness, they just don't even pretend to give a c**p about them full stop. Well I'm sure the bio grandkids do consider them family because they share a father and maybe they won't think very highly of grandma and grandpa for treating them differently, it would serve them right if the kids turn their backs on them as they get older.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago (edited)
If they are your child's children, they are your grandchildren. Very easy concept. While no one can force feelings on them, any good parent would keep away people who tell kids their siblings aren't really family. What other poison are they going to spew?
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Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
Great job, Sherlock!!! This would make a great parlour game: Worst Case Scenario. My standards when dating: "Wants an intelligent man who has a job" = "Gold digger who doesn't want to have to think." Or one of my sisters: "Likes the outdoorsy type" = "So she can push him off a cliff and pass it off as a tragic accident."
Load More Replies... Suzie 1 year ago
Great. Another set of grandparents that don't understand grandparents rights and the legal criteria that must be met to get them. I'd tell those grinches to bugger off.
Parriah 1 year ago
Yup, my parents filed a lawsuit against me demanding grandparents rights because I set boundaries they didn’t like. All 3 grandchildren are their bio grandchildren but they refuse to have anything to do with younger two and tried repeatedly to turn my 13 year old against me and her siblings and lavished gifts and money and snuck around letting her do/have things not appropriate for a child. They lost their case but the fact that I had just begun chemotherapy for breast cancer 3 weeks before they filed was a kick to the face. We barely speak to them now and they are blocked. Grandparents rights are mostly used to abuse through the court system, and not used as it’s intended to keep contact between grandparents and grandkids in broken families with a sudden loss of access
Load More Replies... Nin Han 1 year ago
Should hit them back with the proper wording of the blood is thicker than water saying.
PhaseWitFact 1 year ago
That actual saying is :"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 1 year ago
I get where OP is coming from. It would hurt me to see my step-kids being treated so callously. If grandparents want to play the blood game + only leave their s**t to the "blood grandkids" that's their choice. Nothing is keeping OP's kids from sharing with OP when the time comes. :)
V 1 year ago
As a child from a blended family, I didn't always get along with my stepsiblings, but it always hurt when my blood relations did not accept them. Then complained about how bad the boys turned out, never stopping to think that maybe if they accepted them in to the family and gave them positive role models they may have not turned out they way they did... Unfortunately the only one to see the error of his ways was my grandfather on his deathbed when my stepsiblings were there with him despite all the hell they put them through.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
My parents had four boys and a girl (me). When my oldest brother married a single mom, he adopted her daughter. She was already my niece in my eyes anyway, this just made it legal. When our paternal grandfather died—-in 1976, btw—-and the obituary was put in the paper, it listed my grandfather’s two children (my father and aunt), his seven grandchildren (the five of us and my two cousins), and his one great-grandchild—-my niece, technically my step-niece. That meant my old school, old country born in Slovenia the end of the nineteenth century and immigrated to America in 1909, devoutly Catholic grandparents were still progressive (and wonderful!) enough to embrace my niece as their great-grandchild, regardless of whether she shared DNA with them or not. In 1976. If they could be like that almost a half century ago, what TF is wrong with this set of grandparents TODAY?
Hope Tirendi 1 year ago
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 To your Grandparents! We need more people like that!!!
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 1 year ago
Very few places have actual 'grandparents rights' through the courts, I love how delusional old people are.
Alex 1 year ago
These dh ds dc dd ... abbreciations drive me insane. I either read them all as slurs or imagine the terribly annoying person that can never say "my husband" but alkways says "my dear husband". It completely changes the vibe of these stories for me and immediately makes me suspect that there is a LOT that's not being told.
Sand Ers 1 year ago
I read enough of the original thread to know that the grandparents are doing this deliberately to signal to the younger children that they are inferior to their stepsiblings. Never mind these gifts - it's way past time to go NC with them.
Hope Tirendi 1 year ago
Isn't it also funny that they can accept him as the father to their "bio" Grandkids but can't except the other two he fathered just because the Mom is different. That disrespect his kids with their daughter.
Load More Replies... Uncommon Boston 1 year ago (edited)
If attending a family celebration, a polite host gives everyone in attendance a gift, step children, partners, and friends. Maybe not of equal value, but something to open. Children in the same family should receive equal gifts, especially money. They know what gifts they all received. Kids in a blended family are sensitive to unfairness and often easily perceive they are unwelcome. Extended family is often unaware of this or doesn't care. If they respect and love their own children, they would do what is best for them and their families. OP did the right thing. As parents it our duty to protect our children from toxic behavior. If you can't be nice to all my children we need less contact. My children will not be taken from me on a holiday. I already share the holiday with my ex. We would both fight this.
Helena 1 year ago
Didn't we just have another article just like this one from grandparents point of view? And everyone was bagging on the parents for saying 'treat all the kids the same or see none of the kids'. Everyone got all butt hurt because they gave the grandparents an 'ultimatum'. Well, this is the flip of that. This is why I said, all kids involved should always be treated equally. The damage that can be done for a lifetime is too great to just stamp your feet and say 'I don't wanna'. If they won't open their hearts to step kids, they're just jerks and would be a horrible influence on their blood grandkids anyway. Do you really want any of the kids turning out like them?
Momma Jess 1 year ago
Dude, my mother just sent me money so I could get my EX'S SON, not MY son, my EX'S son, a present from Nana...she's met him once...come on now, it's not that hard to make children at least THINK they're loved
Katherine Smith 1 year ago
I know it's annoying shorthand, but DH stands for Dear Husband, DC is either dear/darling child or dear/ darling children, SC is Step- child/children, DS is dear son, DD is dear daughter, etc...
Load More Replies... Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
The grandparents are right to prepare inheritances for the grandchildren. In fact, unless the stepchildren are adopted they have no legal rights to anything if their birth parent dies. Zilch. Further if the birth parent dies, SP has no obligation to care for them and no reason to be granted custody. Also I am an unadopted stepchild - never got anything from stepgrands and never expected it. Also my stepmother wasn’t even able to sign school paperwork as she wasn’t even a guardian
Katherine Smith 1 year ago
It's sad that your step-grands didn't treat you fairly. My family always treated all of us equally. We had a huge blended family. My grandfather had 6 siblings several who had been married more than once with multiple step children involved, my grandmother had 2 siblings, one of which was married twice with steps involved. They had 4 daughters of which 3 have blended families. I myself have an adopted sister. Our grands never made anyone feel less than. As to inheritance that all depends on how you have your will drawn up. If you have a blended family it's your duty to make sure your children are protected if something happens to you.
Load More Replies... Stacy s 1 year ago
Don't give those grandparents credit by pretending they're being nice. I agree if gp's say they will stop sending any gifts, then let them. And they do NOT have a right to demand u drop off two of your kids to them at x-mas. If they want to threaten you, let them try in court.
TruthoftheHeart 1 year ago
They should have been harsher and more firm up front if the grandparents don't want to treat all the children equally, then they can just not see any of them. You don't put children against each other in a popularity contest and favorites game all because of their bloodlines
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
They are clearly ok with prioritising some family over others, I would just have them visit after Christmas, and prioritise your other family on Christmas Eve. It cut them out, if you want. Grandparents rights are about general visitation and communication. They don't even extend as far as unlimited visitation and communication, they certainly don't mean they can show up on holidays when they are asked not to. No state or country guarantee grandparents rights.
Alison Shanahan 1 year ago
My mother in law has always treated her step grandson, the eldest of all her grandchildren as a biological child. She spends the exact same amount on each child. That's what a grandparent should do. He's a lovely young man now who knows he's loved by us, even though his parents are divorced.
Monica G 1 year ago
I would understand giving money in a sepparate account for their grandkids without making it public, but when it comes to gifts and sweets, those should be shared equitably. My kid was once in a similar situation, as he only got a cheap toy (all I could afford at the time) while his cousin, of similar age, got an expensive tablet. It was a Cristmas stay at the grandparents house. He still remembers being hurt by this, after many years.
Lola July 1 year ago
It's sad all around. The SC will learn eventually that all those treasured gifts were lies. Their hearts will be broken, crushed really. Mom should not have done this. She should have created her own special box or sent her children to the grandparents to open the box. The children have a right to be loved by their grandparents. The SC have their own grandparents as well.
Mark Stewart 1 year ago
Do you really think she should have told the step children, sorry kids my parents don't believe you're part of the family so you miss out, tough luck. She did the right thing in including them because they are part of this family now whether grandparents likes it or not.
Load More Replies... g️uy23 1 year ago
The grandparents are major twàts. I have a cousin who was adopted at 2 months old, and she's older than I am so it was before I was even born. I don't think I knew she's adopted until I was around 10, not because it was a secret but simply because it didn't matter – she was just my cousin, and as much a part of the family as anyone else. Our grandmother loved her dearly and unconditionally, my cousin actually moved in with after college for a couple of years, to my grandma's great satisfaction.
Robin Lynn 1 year ago
I did not know until I was a young adult that my grandfather was technically my step-grandfather! There were 13 of us total and my eldest male cousin - (blood) and myself (step) were actually his favorites! My son is named for him. I will never understand people like this.
Hope Tirendi 1 year ago
Would have loved if she included what his family does along with their bio moms family. Do they include the kids they had together or only the step kids (their bio family)? This info would help figure out just how rude the Grandparents are. I think they are cold for not doing anything for the steps. Just because their not related doesn't mean they need to be rude and do nothing.
Anna Drever 1 year ago
We have a step grandchild and they have EXACTLY the same amount spent on them. From us and from my parents, the great grandparents. Anything else is cruel.
Jay Curran 1 year ago
The grandparents should treat all the grandkids and step-grandkids the same when it comes to gifts. When it comes to their will, the grandparents should leave their estate equally to their children (not their grandchildren) and not worry about what happens to the money after that.
Hannah Kirtley 1 year ago
the issue is yhe grand parents got pissy when they found d our OP was supplementing the Christmas box on her own. she never asked for more cash/toys. we'll she did but when they didn't she just made it fair. like a GOOD PARENT SHOULD.
Jenny Begnell 1 year ago
Do the step children live with op all the time? I suspect not as they are opening the box on Christmas Eve. Do they spend Christmas Day with their mother who gives them presents, but not your children? What about their maternal grandparents? Are they in the picture? The answers to the questions are needed. Op may be disadvantaging her biological children in her determination to treat the sc equally.
Amy Burrows 1 year ago
This makes me sick! My husband adopted my son when he was 2 and my mother in law still doesn't test him the same as her "real" grand kids. He is 29 now and has his own children which she wonders why she hasn't even met them. Kids don't forget this type of thing. Luckily my husband was on board with treat my kids all the same or don't see them at all. So besides family reunion and such we haven't seen her in years. If suggest OP do the same. Thank you for sticking up for those children they will remember how much you cared.
CBolt 1 year ago
My dad's cousin had bio kids & an adopted child. Her mom referred to them as "my grandchildren & the adopted one." How can anybody think it's OK to say something so cruel?
Load More Replies... Marno C. 1 year ago
"Dear Mom and Dad. I am sorry for letting my stepchildren think that you were loving and generous. I can see how it offended and insulted you to be thought of in such terms. Yes, it is your right to spurn children who otherwise respected and loved you. I totally understand you only want to give love and and kindness to children who sprang from my loins. Your bio-grandchildren love the gifts you give. I am wondering, however, as the children grow older and all come to understand your preferences how I should I gift wrap the accidental gifts you are giving? Siblings who are estranged and resentful of each other. When your bio-grandchildren one day need sibling help and support and the older children feel too sad and rejected to help the youngers, would you like me to sign the card, 'Congratulations, Grandma and Grandpa wanted this way. They thought you were too good for a full loving family." Yes, it is emotional blackmail, but every act of favoritism severs the sibling love.
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
What are all these initials standing for ... I think I figured out a couple!
Binky Melnik 1 year ago
The asssholes who voted “It’s the grandparents’ rights to choose” feel that stepchildren should be fuccked over. I hope those voters are fuccked over in all aspects of their lives. (No, I was never a stepchild and I don’t even like children. I just hate wretched people.)
Jessica Olson 1 year ago
I mean I hope they thought the question was about inheritance not a box of goodies. :S
Load More Replies... Sarah Matsoukis 1 year ago
Just because you accept your partners kids as your own doesn't mean the rest of your family has to. They have their own sets of grandparents and your parents ect have no obligation other than basic politeness.
Mark Stewart 1 year ago
This isn't even basic politeness, they just don't even pretend to give a c**p about them full stop. Well I'm sure the bio grandkids do consider them family because they share a father and maybe they won't think very highly of grandma and grandpa for treating them differently, it would serve them right if the kids turn their backs on them as they get older.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago (edited)
If they are your child's children, they are your grandchildren. Very easy concept. While no one can force feelings on them, any good parent would keep away people who tell kids their siblings aren't really family. What other poison are they going to spew?
Load More Replies... Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
Great job, Sherlock!!! This would make a great parlour game: Worst Case Scenario. My standards when dating: "Wants an intelligent man who has a job" = "Gold digger who doesn't want to have to think." Or one of my sisters: "Likes the outdoorsy type" = "So she can push him off a cliff and pass it off as a tragic accident."
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Indrė Lukošiūtė
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Gabija Palšytė
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