Well-Off Man Knows About Date’s Financial Crunch, Gives Her Bill To See If She’s A Gold Digger
Going out on dates with a new person can be a very fun experience, but it’s also a great opportunity to learn if they have any red flags. Sometimes, the smallest interactions can reveal how the other individual thinks and also signal whether the relationship is going to work.
This is what one young woman found out after her sixth date with a man, when he forced her to pay the bill as a “gold digger” test, even though she was in a financial crunch. She tried to explain her side of things, but the man just doubled down.
More info: Reddit
It might take a bunch of dates to figure out whether someone can truly be a good partner, or whether one should steer clear of them
Image credits: journey2 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that she had gone on six dates with a man she met through an app, and that there seemed to be a huge wage gap between them
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Since the woman had been kicked out of her home by her mother and had to find a new place to live, she had told her date that she was struggling financially
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Even though the poster was going through a tough time, the man asked her why she hadn’t paid for anything yet, and said he wanted to check if she was a gold digger
Image credits: SporadicEmoter
When the bill came, the poster paid for it, but also wondered whether it was a red flag that he had asked her to pay despite the major life changes she was going through
As the poster had mentioned, she had met her date on an app, and they had gone out six times. Obviously, there seemed to be a big age gap between them, as well as a significant wage gap. Since he was older than her, he often earned over $40k more than she did, which hadn’t really been a problem till then.
Although this financial disparity might not seem to be such a big issue, professionals share that it can sometimes cause insecurity or resentment in relationships. The person earning more might feel like they always have to cover the majority of the expenses, while the person making less may worry about not matching up.
The poster was also probably not earning a lot of money, since she had just finished university and was under the care of her mom. Unfortunately, that also changed when her mother suddenly kicked her out, and the OP was forced to scramble to find a new place and pay the deposit.
It can be incredibly tough for young folks to deal with situations like this where they don’t even have their parents’ support. Family experts share that when kids are kicked out of the home, it can ruin their relationship with their guardians, break their trust in authority figures, and greatly impact their financial stability.
Image credits: Frolopiaton Palm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Since the poster had just begun going out with the man and didn’t know him too well, she decided not to tell him too much about what was going on in her life. He just knew that she had to suddenly find a new place to stay, and that she was facing a tremendous amount of stress as a result of that.
Despite knowing a bit about what the OP was going through, the man questioned her about why she hadn’t paid any of the bills yet. He tried to make it seem like she was a gold digger and said that if she wasn’t, then she should pay for the date, even though she was going through a financial crisis.
In general, most folks can agree that whoever proposes the date idea should be the one paying the bill that time. Over time, though, men share that they would prefer that both people split the cost or cover their share, rather than one person having to pay each and every time.
Although the poster wasn’t against paying for the date, she felt that the man was being inconsiderate of her struggles. She also didn’t tell him that she had already bought tickets to a jazz event that she was planning on taking him to. All of this made her reconsider dating him, which is why she asked netizens for advice.
Do you think it was reasonable for the man to ask the poster to cover the bill, or do you think it was a red flag? We’d love to hear what you think about this story.
Most folks sided with the woman and felt that the older man was quite immature and inconsiderate
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Thanks! Check out the results:
I'm sorry, this guy is too old for you. You're at completely different stages of life and whatever the attraction is, it's likely not based on anything but physical attraction. The fact that he's dating someone so much younger, kind of speaks to the idea that he's not looking for an equal partner, but someone he can manipulate and control. His "testing" is just more evidence of his manipulative character. He sounds entirely sketch to me. I'd move on and look for someone closer to your own stage of life.
If he thinks you're a gold digger, he's not worth pursuing. Anyone who gives little tests etc is not partner material, it's an exhausting way to live.
I don't think the guy was really "testing" her in so much as seeing if she had meant what she said after their conversation. Having gone on 6 dates and all she has paid for is one drink for him does sound very one sided. And while gold digger may not be the right word, what she says suggests she is looking for someone who will pay for her. "Planning things" and baking etc is not the equivalent of paying for everything. It would be different if he was expecting her to keep up with a lifestyle she cannot afford, but seems more like she resents that he raised it
Yes it is when you don't have any money to give. He needs to date someone who isn't poor if that's the way he thinks
Load More Replies...You know, this is something I never understood. (Some) Men want to be that alpha. The provider. They *deliberately* pick partners who are financially dependent on them or at least there's a significant income gap, and then moan when a 20-something year old can't match their finances. Babes. You picked a tween. If you can't afford to absorb the extra expenses, then maybe pick someone your age. But that's already too old, huh?
Ok so the guy wants benefits of much younger partner giving nothing in return and expecting equality? How 22yo woman could be at the same page as 33yo man?
the age difference is a bad sign already, let alone him 'testing' her. ew, end this.
He's 33 and dating a 22 year old. Trust me, there's something wrong with him. OP doesn't sound fantastic either, but he's definitely not gonna be the guy she thinks he is.
Honestly, i'd lean more towards NTA but also both seem to kind of suck...? It's been SIX dates but she's saying "money in relationships should be equitable". I agree with that but are they in a relationship? If she can't afford to go in dates, then why is she agreeing to going out to things that cost money? Is it because she's expecting him to pay since he can afford it? I'm a bit old fashioned in that I would pay for most things, but if I ALWAYS paid when in the first 6 dates without even an offer from them then I'd probably feel like I was being taken advantage of. So, I also kind of get where this guy is coming from. But then that would be a conversation to be had, and not some "test" which, I agree with people, is not a sign of anything healthy. Plus, throw in that he's 33 and she's 22... And I say this as someone who has also dated women as young as that, at a similar age.
I grew up in different times I guess. I never met a guy who would ask me to pay and even when I offered, they wouldn’t let me. One time, I stated it was my treat for his birthday before dinner and the guy snuck and paid the bill. He let me know that he made more money and he wouldn’t even let his sister treat him. One thing I would not do is let a stranger in a bar buy me a drink. I never felt right taking something from someone I wasn’t interested in.
I'm sorry, this guy is too old for you. You're at completely different stages of life and whatever the attraction is, it's likely not based on anything but physical attraction. The fact that he's dating someone so much younger, kind of speaks to the idea that he's not looking for an equal partner, but someone he can manipulate and control. His "testing" is just more evidence of his manipulative character. He sounds entirely sketch to me. I'd move on and look for someone closer to your own stage of life.
If he thinks you're a gold digger, he's not worth pursuing. Anyone who gives little tests etc is not partner material, it's an exhausting way to live.
I don't think the guy was really "testing" her in so much as seeing if she had meant what she said after their conversation. Having gone on 6 dates and all she has paid for is one drink for him does sound very one sided. And while gold digger may not be the right word, what she says suggests she is looking for someone who will pay for her. "Planning things" and baking etc is not the equivalent of paying for everything. It would be different if he was expecting her to keep up with a lifestyle she cannot afford, but seems more like she resents that he raised it
Yes it is when you don't have any money to give. He needs to date someone who isn't poor if that's the way he thinks
Load More Replies...You know, this is something I never understood. (Some) Men want to be that alpha. The provider. They *deliberately* pick partners who are financially dependent on them or at least there's a significant income gap, and then moan when a 20-something year old can't match their finances. Babes. You picked a tween. If you can't afford to absorb the extra expenses, then maybe pick someone your age. But that's already too old, huh?
Ok so the guy wants benefits of much younger partner giving nothing in return and expecting equality? How 22yo woman could be at the same page as 33yo man?
the age difference is a bad sign already, let alone him 'testing' her. ew, end this.
He's 33 and dating a 22 year old. Trust me, there's something wrong with him. OP doesn't sound fantastic either, but he's definitely not gonna be the guy she thinks he is.
Honestly, i'd lean more towards NTA but also both seem to kind of suck...? It's been SIX dates but she's saying "money in relationships should be equitable". I agree with that but are they in a relationship? If she can't afford to go in dates, then why is she agreeing to going out to things that cost money? Is it because she's expecting him to pay since he can afford it? I'm a bit old fashioned in that I would pay for most things, but if I ALWAYS paid when in the first 6 dates without even an offer from them then I'd probably feel like I was being taken advantage of. So, I also kind of get where this guy is coming from. But then that would be a conversation to be had, and not some "test" which, I agree with people, is not a sign of anything healthy. Plus, throw in that he's 33 and she's 22... And I say this as someone who has also dated women as young as that, at a similar age.
I grew up in different times I guess. I never met a guy who would ask me to pay and even when I offered, they wouldn’t let me. One time, I stated it was my treat for his birthday before dinner and the guy snuck and paid the bill. He let me know that he made more money and he wouldn’t even let his sister treat him. One thing I would not do is let a stranger in a bar buy me a drink. I never felt right taking something from someone I wasn’t interested in.





















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