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Woman Decides To Completely Change Her Style, Ignores Partner’s Comments About Not Liking It
The 2020 lockdown was a weird time. Some were trekking across the land looking for more toilet paper to stock up on, others watched seven seasons of a show in one day, others turned to making sourdough at home. Everyone had their own mechanism for keeping sane.
But one woman discovered that her plan, to change up her personal style, didn’t go over well with her partner. A netizen asked the internet if they were wrong for constantly and consistently criticizing their girlfriend’s new fashion and hair color choices. As one can imagine, this caused no small amount of drama in their household.
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Changing up one’s style is a relatively normal thing to do
Image credits: ADDICTIVE_STOCK/Envato (not the actual photo)
But one netizen decided they hated their GF’s new clothes and decided to tell her that directly
Image credits: tonodiaz/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: wfhstress2020
Telling a partner what to wear is pretty toxic
Identifying controlling behavior in a relationship can be like trying to spot a chameleon in a dense forest because it often disguises itself as genuine care or simple concern for a partner’s wellbeing. In the story of the partner who decided to embrace fluorescent green hair and platform sneakers, we see a textbook example of how control often begins with critiques of a partner’s physical appearance. While the narrator frames their discomfort as being about social norms or professional standards, the underlying issue is a lack of respect for the other person’s bodily autonomy. Research on psychological control indicates that when a partner attempts to influence how another person dresses or grooms themselves, they are often exerting a form of dominance that can erode the other person’s self esteem over time. This behavior is rarely about the hair color itself and more about the narrator’s desire to maintain a predictable and socially safe image of their partner.
One of the primary signs of a controlling dynamic is when one person feels entitled to set the standard for what is considered normal or acceptable behavior. When the narrator in the post repeatedly asks their partner to wear normal things when they hang out, they are creating an environment where the partner’s authenticity is treated as a problem to be solved. This is a subtle form of social monitoring. Controlling individuals often use the threat of social embarrassment to keep their partners in line, much like how the narrator mentions the stares their partner receives for not wearing a bra.
Image credits: drobotdean/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Instead of supporting their partner’s comfort or choice, the narrator uses public perception as a tool to pressure them into conformity. According to experts at The Gottman Institute, criticism that targets a person’s character or identity rather than a specific behavior is one of the most destructive forces in a relationship. By labeling the partner’s new style as something that needs to be fixed for public consumption, the narrator is prioritizing their own comfort over their partner’s self discovery. This often stems from a fear that if the partner changes, the relationship dynamic will shift in a way the controller cannot manage.
There is a difference between preferences and control
Another major red flag is the refusal to accept a partner’s boundaries when they express a desire for independence. In the story, the partner explains that they feel more comfortable and more themselves in their new style, but the narrator continues to push the issue until it erupts into a fight. A healthy response to a partner’s change would involve curiosity and support, but a controlling response involves judgment and a demand for a return to the status quo.
When the narrator asks what the partner will do when they return to the office, it isn’t just a logistical question but a way to plant seeds of doubt about the partner’s professional competence. This tactic is often used to make a partner feel like they cannot survive or succeed without the rational guidance of the controller. Research published by Psychology Today highlights that controlling people often present themselves as the voice of reason while making their partners feel impulsive or irrational. This gaslighting of a partner’s choices makes them second guess their own reality and preferences.
It is also important to look at how a person reacts when their advice is ignored. In the Reddit scenario, the narrator is annoyed that the partner isn’t listening, which suggests an expectation of compliance. In a balanced relationship, both people should feel free to experiment with their identity without fearing that it will cause a major conflict with their significant other. When the phrase “I don’t like your hair” turns into “you are being rude for not dressing how I want,” the shift from preference to control is complete.
Love should be a safety net that allows a person to jump into new experiences, not a cage that keeps them grounded for the sake of appearances. Control can also manifest as emotional manipulation where the narrator makes their own annoyance the centerpiece of the conversation, effectively guilt tripping the partner for their joy. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward building a relationship based on true equality and respect. If you find yourself in a situation where your partner’s style makes you uncomfortable, it might be worth asking whether you love the person or the version of them that makes your life feel more convenient. True partnership requires us to let go of the steering wheel and trust that our partner knows exactly who they are becoming, even if they look like a bright green neon sign while doing it. This kind of radical acceptance is what separates a controlling dynamic from a loving one that fosters growth and happiness for both individuals involved.
One reader wanted more details
A handful saw the author’s point of view
But many thought he was being controlling
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What do you think ?
V 4 weeks ago
E and my husband started dating in our mid twenties, and that's a bit over 15 years ago now. Both of our senses of style have changed a handful of times during those years. Did I like everything my husband has worn in that time? No. But did I buy him this ugly a*s jacket he'd been eyeing for months, yes. Because our love runs deeper than our sense of style.
Andrei Iepure 4 weeks ago
So many people run online for things they should decide by themselves. Don't like her new style? Just walk away. It's not that deep. If you don't want to walk away, then it's not that big of an issue.
Skogsrået 4 weeks ago
Totally agree, if you are so shallow that a change in style from the person you claim to love makes you rethink the relationship then just leave cause they deserve better then a shallow ahole.
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Austzn 4 weeks ago
Pretty shallow. What's next; judging her for trying a new food or type of coffee or something? If clothing "means" something that much to the other person, they are the one with the problem.
Scott Rackley 4 weeks ago
It's went beyond just clothing. If she changed enough that he no longer finds her attractive he should just "tough it out"? If I shave my head and start wearing pasties around, I would expect my GF to not like it.
Load More Replies... V 4 weeks ago
E and my husband started dating in our mid twenties, and that's a bit over 15 years ago now. Both of our senses of style have changed a handful of times during those years. Did I like everything my husband has worn in that time? No. But did I buy him this ugly a*s jacket he'd been eyeing for months, yes. Because our love runs deeper than our sense of style.
Andrei Iepure 4 weeks ago
So many people run online for things they should decide by themselves. Don't like her new style? Just walk away. It's not that deep. If you don't want to walk away, then it's not that big of an issue.
Skogsrået 4 weeks ago
Totally agree, if you are so shallow that a change in style from the person you claim to love makes you rethink the relationship then just leave cause they deserve better then a shallow ahole.
Load More Replies... Austzn 4 weeks ago
Pretty shallow. What's next; judging her for trying a new food or type of coffee or something? If clothing "means" something that much to the other person, they are the one with the problem.
Scott Rackley 4 weeks ago
It's went beyond just clothing. If she changed enough that he no longer finds her attractive he should just "tough it out"? If I shave my head and start wearing pasties around, I would expect my GF to not like it.
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