12 Y.O. Gets Mad After Aunt Tells Her To Stop Making Mom’s Life Harder, Internet Is On Her Side

My brother had serious mental and emotional issues. Back in the 70's, there weren't a whole lot of options. He was three years older than I. I was his babysitter from about six on. I did the chores. I helped cook. I made sure he didn't go off on a neighbor kid and beat him up. I spent hours doing laundry and suchlike, watching him play. The world revolved around keeping him from losing it, from beating up any of the kids (but me). I had to help him with his homework. I had to make sure I was the person he hurt, because we were a nice family with a white picket fence. I had no friends, and couldn't have invited them over if I had. So many times something was finally going to be about me, but my brother happened. I sacrificed my childhood for him. Not only did nobody appreciate it, nobody even noticed. As an adult, several of my aunts and uncles have commented that they wondered if he was (physically) hurting me. Why didn't they ask when it was happening? That girl NEEDS to be put on the front burner once in awhile. She NEEDS to know she's not just her brother's shadow. Aunt could have made a big deal about coming to the rescue with the magic cupcakes. The kid is twelve. She knows magic isn't real. She has a special-needs sibling. She KNOWS magic isn't real. But she would still have treasured the thought of magic birthday cupcakes, and it would have been a memory she'd have cherished the rest of her life.

Why it so hard for Outsiders to see what special needs kids do to the other children in the household? I get why the parents fail. But there's a reason we get inundated with NC stories from these kids as adults. They're treated terribly. Horribly emotionally abused. And this Aunt, looking outside in, is unable to see how much this is impacting the other child. And offers zero empathy. Unreal.

Better reaction would have been to acknowledge the feeling: Yes, I understand that you're angry. I would be too, if it would have happened to me. I also know that your parents are doing what they can and that they really love you, but that they maybe not show it as much as they should, because they are overwhelmed. I hope you can forgive them for that, even if maybe not right now. (Give the girl some time to express her feelings, and ensure her) I love you too and this was very important for you, so I am going to do what I can to help.

I am sad for that little girl. She is upset and needs comfort from someone and not a lecture. It's her birthday :(

When your aunt tells the glass child to be more unnoticeable. jfc, that poor kid.

I feel like a lot of people are missing the fact that the parents are making misrakes that can turn out to be dangerous. This time rhe forgot to lock the cupcakes up, what if it was somethinghe had an allegy to or was dangerous if ingested? Thats bad enough, then add how they treat (or dont really treat) their daughter.

She's TA. Scolding a 12yo child and telling her to lay off her parents is totally in the wrong. Even if her intentions were in the right place. A child is a child and even if her brother has special needs, her needs shouldn't be swept under the rug.

Kate Johnson

Kate Johnson

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I feel so sorry for the daughter. Clearly the parents are overwhelmed and she's getting the short end of the stick. So well done by the aunt, making this poor child feel guilty for being upset that her birthday was ruined by her brother, who likely ruins much of her existence. On a daily basis she's forced to take a backseat to her brothers constant needs. Having an adult tell her to "suck it up and not make trouble" instead of giving her some understanding will just guarantee that in future the child will know not to come to the aunt for any understanding. That's she's basically "on her own" to deal with all her feelings.

I see this as a soft YTA. OP was trying to help her niece understand her parents perspective, but didn't stop to think about precisely how often this "glass child" has to put everyone else's needs and perspective in front of her own. Her birthday is a time that's meant to be about her, and her kid brother has ruined the day. Just because her parents are exhausted doesn't make that her burden to bear, and doesn't mean she's not allowed to feel heartbroken at the same time. OP would have done better to just acknowledge how upset her niece was, and assure her that her aunties can avert the cupcake disaster. No talk of parents. No talk of brother. Just acknowledge her feelings.

The YTA votes are entirely justified. The parents should make sure their son doesn't damage their daughter's property or anything else related to her.

Instead of telling her to lay off maybe offer her a space to rant when she needs to having someone listen us a huge help ice been on both sides my brother had adhd nd as really hard to live with and now my daughter youngest of three is nonverbal autistic twelve is much to young to understand she just needs support and m probably the parents do too

I can't help but think the people saying NTA are all parents with similar kid situations, especially the one that said why didn't the niece make sure the cabinet was locked. Sickening. Hopefully OP can help more in the future by being emotionally supportive.

I think you're just a b***h. Poor girl.

I get the impression the niece is at the age where she's starting to wake up to her own wants, feelings, and needs. She's starting to see injustice in being put last in everyone's mind. The Aunt telling her that she needs to put her own feelings, needs, and desires, last, will have permanent repercussions for everyone. The girl is being told, "This is your life. Your brother comes first. If your plans are ruined, you have to just accept it, and move on quietly." If this message is made repeatedly, then she will carry this into adulthood and let people walk all over her, until she either gets therapy, or finds someone who tells her it's okay to have her own needs, and it's okay to see herself as just as deserving of attention as other people.

If by "ND" they mean autistic, they should say autistic. Neurodivergent is a really vague term. It's not technical and covers more than just autism. Why not be specific when you're talking about one individual and not making generalizations?

she isnt wrong, it absolutely is a careless thing to do, to forget to lock the cabinet.

In all honesty, parents were doing the best they can. They're not getting enough sleep due to the nephew. The girl just made things harder on parents. Yes she's a child with feelings but think about her parents. Not getting enough sleep can make someone make mistakes. So don't expect parents to be perfect and I agree that the aunt and her partner did help them out. The niece need to understand from a child point of view that parents make mistakes. Special needs kids can't always figure things out easily. Yeah, its hard to be a sibling to someone who is Special needs but you can sit down and explain things to them in a way that they can understand

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Im absolutely floored by the YTA. At 12 she's old enough to know that a screaming tantrum and melt down in this situation isnt acceptable. Not saying her parents are fine, it sounds very very much lole they arent good at this. And before someone tries to defend people that, THEY DONT KNOW EITHER. If you haven't understood how to handle your even highly autistic or problematic child at 8.. and the sister cant cope either. You're whole family is the F***ing problem. And someone saying dont make life harder.. absolutely is not.