Guy Tormented With Remorse: “AITA For Asking My Brother Not To Bring His Boyfriend To My Wedding?”

Our whole life is, by and large, a story of choice. We choose, we are getting chosen, we take some steps, we make mistakes, we fall, we move on – and sometimes we seriously regret the choice we once made. Any dilemma in our life can actually be very difficult.

Well, the user u/macacaralho, the author of today’s story, once faced the question of an incredibly painful choice for himself. On the one hand, he always supported his gay brother and has been urging him to come out for years. On the other, he wasn’t happy at all when the bro was going to announce everything – but at his own wedding.

More info: Reddit

The author of the post is going to marry soon, but the anticipation is marred by his brother’s unexpected idea

Man proposing to partner indoors, holding hand and presenting engagement ring with warm blurred background.

Image credits: Gift Habeshaw / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

The author’s brother is gay but a few relatives only know about this – because the elder generations are very traditional in their viewpoints

Text post asking if it's wrong for a man to refuse his gay brother to come out at his wedding.

Text on screen about man getting married soon, highlighting tension around urging gay brother to come out at wedding.

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Image credits: macacaralho

Two men sharing a tender moment, illustrating the dynamic between a man urging his gay brother to come out.

Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

The author knows about it and supports him, and he’s been urging his brother to come out for years – but to no avail

Text discussing family drama and acceptance around a brother being gay, highlighting refusal to let him come out at wedding.

Text on a white background saying that the man respects his brother’s decision not to come out for now and he won’t say anything.

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Text of a man explaining why he refuses his gay brother to come out at his wedding, prioritizing his fiancée's day.

Image credits: macacaralho

Two young men in suits with boutonnières smiling outdoors, representing a man urging gay brother to come out.

Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch / Pexels (not the actual photo)

However, this time, the brother decided to come out right at the author’s wedding and to bring his boyfriend with him

Text excerpt about a man urging his gay brother to come out, refusing to let him do so at his wedding day.

Text excerpt about man refusing to let gay brother come out at wedding, highlighting family conflict and celebration concerns.

Text reading: I didn’t even tell her, she is already stressed out, dont wanna make it even worse about gay brother coming out.

Text on a white background describing a man urging his gay brother not to come out at his wedding.

Text message about going alone, ignored calls, and silent parents unaware of situation involving gay brother coming out.

Text on screen showing a conversation about a man urging his gay brother to come out but refusing at his wedding.

Image credits: macacaralho

Man with glasses looking stressed while using a laptop, reflecting tension about gay brother coming out at wedding.

Image credits: Francisco De Legarreta C. / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

The groom-to-be, however, expected a big scandal and didn’t want to have his wedding ruined like this

Text image showing a personal message about dealing with a difficult situation involving a gay brother and coming out.

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Text emphasizing a man urging his gay brother to come out but refusing to support him at his wedding.

Image credits: macacaralho

So the man begged the brother to come alone – he agreed, but the relationship between the two brothers got strained

So, the Original Poster (OP) says that he’s going to get married soon, he and his bride are definitely looking forward to this big and happy event, and the only thing that really darkens the anticipation for our hero is actually his brother. More precisely, the dilemma that his brother unwittingly put before him on the eve of the wedding.

The thing is that the author’s brother is gay, but no one in the extended family knows about it, except for the OP and their parents. The older generations of the family are very old school, with outdated beliefs, so the man’s coming out would be a reason for a huge scandal. Our hero tried for years to convince his brother to come out, because he saw how difficult it was for him, but to no avail.

So, on the eve of the wedding, the brother called him and said that he was planning to come to the event with his boyfriend of 6 months. The men know each other, and the author says that the bro’s partner is a great guy… but the very idea of ​​​​his coming out at the wedding could essentially ruin the whole day. Simply because the groom, knowing his older relatives very well, understood perfectly that a big fight was inevitable.

In the confusion of emotions, our hero asked his brother to come alone – while explaining his motives. The brother didn’t get in touch for several days, and then called and coldly said that he’d come alone. So now, the OP is tormented by doubt – did he actually do the right thing here? He told his fiancee everything, and she agreed with his decision – as did his parents… but the man still decided to ask for advice online.

Groom in blue suit with boutonniere looking at bride outdoors, illustrating man urging gay brother to come out at wedding.

Image credits: Marius Muresan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

“The situation is very ambiguous – especially considering that this man, apparently, for a long time was almost the only family member who supported his brother – and now he perhaps expects his support again, after coming out,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment here.

“On the other hand, willing to act in this way, the brother, quite possibly, is trying to soften the anger of his older relatives. The anger is completely unjustified, but, apparently, inevitable. He probably expects that the effect of a happy wedding will make them refrain from much criticism.”

“But by doing so, he’d unwittingly steal – partially, but anyway steal – this important day from his brother and sister-in-law. Quite possibly marring this day with a big fight. Not his fault, of course – but the groom here seems to have made the absolutely right, albeit very emotionally difficult, choice. I do hope, however, this will not affect the brothers’ relationship in the future,” Irina summarizes.

As for the people in the comments, they also mostly supported the OP in his decision. Simply because a wedding is such a big and important day in any person’s life. The responders are quite sure that the brother will sooner or later understand the OP’s correctness. “If you did let him take it over like that you’d be a saint,” someone aptly added. By the way, what decision would you, our dear readers, make in this situation?

Most commenters, however, supported the groom in his decision, claiming that the wedding should be only newlyweds’ day – and nothing more

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a man urging his gay brother to come out but refusing at his wedding.

Screenshot of a discussion about a man urging his gay brother to come out and the impact on their wedding event.

Alt text: Reddit comment discussing a man urging his gay brother to come out but refusing at his wedding day.

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Screenshot of an online comment discussing a man urging his gay brother to come out but refusing it at his wedding.

Screenshot of a forum comment discussing a man urging his gay brother to come out, refusing at his wedding.

Screenshot of a forum comment discussing a man urging his gay brother to come out but refusing at his wedding.

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