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Newly Engaged Woman Doesn’t Trust Mom, Won’t Share Wedding Details After She Blows Her Proposal
There’s nothing like an engagement to turn a regular family into a slightly overzealous PR department. It’s like the minute someone flashes a diamond, a hidden switch flips, and every cousin, aunt, and family friend has urgent opinions about the wedding color scheme and cake flavor.
For most couples, the post-proposal glow involves champagne toasts, a few happy tears, and maybe a round of “how did he ask?” But for one woman, it also involved her news being blasted to relatives, thanks to her over-excited mom, before she’d even had the chance to put her ring on her finger.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Proposals usually come with champagne and happy tears, but sometimes they come with family drama and news alerts
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One bride refuses to share her wedding date with her mom after she announces her engagement to the family without permission
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman’s mom shares a photo of the proposal with the family, announcing the engagement, before her daughter has a chance to
Image credits: boggy / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The bride confronts her mom about what she did, but is told she has the right to share good news with her family
Image credits: Objective-Row9920
The bride decides to keep the wedding date a secret after mom refuses to take accountability, but is accused of gatekeeping
The OP’s (original poster) fiancé pulled off a swoon-worthy proposal during a trip to visit her sister. I’m talking champagne, a photographer, a romantic speech, the works. This guy went all out and the OP was blissfully wrapped up in the moment. Her sister wanted to include their mom also, so she snapped a pic and sent it to her. Harmless, right? You would think so.
But within minutes, that photo had been forwarded to a handful of relatives. By the time the OP had her phone back, she was already getting congratulatory texts from cousins, aunts and probably someone’s dog sitter. This was super frustrating because she’d always been very clear with sis and mom that she wanted to personally call each family member to share her engagement, if it happened.
So, having that special moment stolen from her, the OP and her fiancé decided to keep the wedding details secret. They locked in a gorgeous venue, but after the engagement leak incident, they’re keeping the exact date under wraps, because they know exactly what would happen if they told certain people too soon.
Mom, however, is not loving this strategy. She’s been nagging the OP with questions, suggesting that keeping the date a secret is “gatekeeping” and unfair to family members who need to plan. But the fed up OP finally laid it out: the reason they’re not sharing the date is because she doesn’t trust her mom to keep it to herself.
This started another round of “but I was just excited” and “this is normal mom behavior,” and suddenly, the OP and her mom were back in the same circular conversation that’s been playing on repeat for months. So, the OP is wondering if she should tell her mom anything about the wedding at all — the date, the dress, even whether she’s serving chicken or fish.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
You know how family is – everyone means well (usually), but not everyone understands the meaning of boundaries. Family boundaries get blurry because relatives often confuse closeness with permission to overstep. And while setting boundaries with family might feel like trying to herd cats, it’s totally doable. You just need to be ok with saying “no.”
Get comfortable with clear, short answers and stick to them, even if auntie Linda pouts. Be clear and consistent about what you’re comfortable doing or sharing and what’s off-limits. Because boundaries aren’t about punishing anyone, they’re about protecting your peace.
It’s hard, I get it, especially when you need to keep your mom out of important plans like a wedding. But when mom can’t take accountability for her actions, it might be the best idea. Because owning up to mistakes is not a skill everyone has in their toolbox. Some people see “I was wrong” as admitting defeat rather than just… being human.
Pride, embarrassment, entitlement and a fear of losing face can make folks lean in harder instead of apologizing. When you’re dealing with someone like that, try to skip the blame game. State what happened, explain how it affected you, and decide your next move without waiting for a gold-star apology that might never come.
So, what would you do in this situation? Do you think the bride is a jerk for keeping wedding secrets from her mom? Share your thoughts and comments below!
Netizens side with the bride, saying she is not a jerk for putting her mom on an info diet
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What do you think ?
Janelle Collard 3 months ago
I agree with the comments: Let her know with everyone else when you send out the "Save the date" announcements. Also, no dress shopping with mom! Mom's got a major case of Main Character Syndrome + is blaming OP for being upset that Mom was "excited."
Apatheist Account2 3 months ago
Sorry, but that text is straight out of a marriage guidance text book, not a conversation between two people at odds. All the "I understand this" and "I hear that" - sorry, not buying it at all.
Emilu 3 months ago
"I'm sorry that you're hurt" is a politician apology. Similar to "I'm sorry if you feel that way". It's simply saying you're sorry *if* their words caused you hurt, whilst not actually claiming responsibility that Mum's actions/words *did* cause OP grief. If she was actually sorry, she'd apologise for her actions, eg: "I'm sorry that my announcing the date early hurt your feelings; I was excited and may have overstepped". I'd be saying she gives a proper apology, or she gets the information date of it happening/not at all.
Janelle Collard 3 months ago
I agree with the comments: Let her know with everyone else when you send out the "Save the date" announcements. Also, no dress shopping with mom! Mom's got a major case of Main Character Syndrome + is blaming OP for being upset that Mom was "excited."
Apatheist Account2 3 months ago
Sorry, but that text is straight out of a marriage guidance text book, not a conversation between two people at odds. All the "I understand this" and "I hear that" - sorry, not buying it at all.
Emilu 3 months ago
"I'm sorry that you're hurt" is a politician apology. Similar to "I'm sorry if you feel that way". It's simply saying you're sorry *if* their words caused you hurt, whilst not actually claiming responsibility that Mum's actions/words *did* cause OP grief. If she was actually sorry, she'd apologise for her actions, eg: "I'm sorry that my announcing the date early hurt your feelings; I was excited and may have overstepped". I'd be saying she gives a proper apology, or she gets the information date of it happening/not at all.
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