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There is a tired trope that women are not capable of coming up with funny jokes as men do. The infamous and hilarious female comedian Carol Burnett has re-told her story countless times about the path to her own variety TV show, and it always includes a variation of the phrase “comedy is a man’s game.” Well, it’s time to shut that old idea down.

Thanks to trailblazers like Burnett, countless funny women have since dominated TV, movies, stand-up comedy stages, Netflix and yes, even, Twitter. Social media has given us all a new platform to show off our best jokes, comedy chops, and funny tweets and some of our favorite accounts are run by women. If you don’t follow Chrissy Teigen's epic Twitter account you are seriously missing out on some comedy gold. Bored Panda has rounded up some of the best tweets from women on Twitter guaranteed to make you laugh! So scroll down below for some best puns delivered by the 'weaker' gender.

#1

Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

lookwhoshira Report

boredhuman
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The cat was like: "what the hell are they doing?"

stellermatt
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

they don't even have a cat do they

Aaron Kara
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like father, like daughter, like cat

Claudia Espindola
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, the cat was smart, he was just wondering what the heck?!?

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Max L.
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was good also for "Why Im single"

Nimue47
Community Member
Premium
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I want to hear that cat's face when he hears them meowing

Isis Piersee
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the cat like, "do you have any idea what you're saying???? you have been offending my entire generation, cursing my gods and summoning demons for nearly an hour! stop this madness!!!!"

Magpie
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh! ty , splutterered my coffee, :)))

Gabriela
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't it weird that the word homeowner has the word meow in it???

Molly McCabe
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its time to get out of the house ....

Wyndmere
Community Member
7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm amazed that you and your dad both sound enough like your cat that neither of you noticed the other was not a real kitty.

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    #2

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    DeeTwoGd Report

    cwa92464
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Interviewer: "Please don't use my bathroom."

    Aaron Kara
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    #shakes hand - "Welcome to the team"

    BusLady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For some people, 25% is enough. They go from job to job and can't figure out why.

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    Nimue47
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You go girl !

    Kath Leen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    please tell me she got the job....

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    #3

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    alexaknierim Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Keeping the love alive and thriving!

    Aaron Kara
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah man, I'm a straight guy and even I feel vicariously charmed

    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looks to me like a sign of a marriage that is going to last.

    Roberto Durante
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and this couple had a very exciting weekend on their 25 years anniversary

    BusLady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are you sure she didn't say future husband? With stars in her eyes?

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    #4

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Rachel__Harper Report

    IAmClearlyAverage
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have an identical twin named Patrick, and we go to different schools in cork. To see if anyone would find out, we traded places for a day. (We take almost the exact same subjects, so we weren’t horribly confused during classes or anything.) the only time one of the students noticed something wrong was when I answered anseo múinteoir (Irish for here teacher) when William, one of my brothers classmates, was called. Neither of us got in any trouble

    IAmClearlyAverage
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tl,dr; my brother and I swapped schools for a day and nobody noticed

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    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My sister and I are four years apart, but look like we are twins. We both worked at Sears Parts and Service. It wasn't uncommon for customers to say.."Yeah..I talked to you about this last Tuesday." Me: "No you didn't." Customer.."Yeah it was Tuesday." Me: "I don't work on Tuesdays." Then my sister comes around the corner. Customer is looking back and forth at us in disbelief..Customer: "Well maybe it was her I was talking too." Walks towards my sister while looking at me with a "WTF?" expression on their face. Priceless.....

    ADHORTATOR
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same: Two Pizzerias, one in front of the other...I thought that the waitress had two jobs...nope, twins... took me two years

    BusLady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did you tip her well? That poor hardworking gal!

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    Irma Goncalves
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Something similar happened to me too, at two different Shops, the shops has the same name, franchise and saw this guy at the shop I don't often go to, so when I went back to my regular one I saw him again and said oh, do you work shifts at both shops? He said no, he has a twin brother

    BusLady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But not identical personalities. Lol

    S.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need a twin.

    Crochet lady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband and I lived two doors down from a stunning couple, they both looked like runway models. We rarely saw them, he was a chiropractor and she was a pharmacist and didn't have kids like most of us so we just waved hello most days. Started seeing him at the mall where a new chiropractic office opened and thought he seemed standoffish when we would wave, he never waved back. Saw him on the street one day and asked if he didn't recognize us and of course that's when he said it was his identical twin, also a chiropractor. Years later I ended up with identical twin sons of my own, luckily they chose different careers. Lol.

    SykesDaMan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And they're both working for the same company ... In the same position? XD

    GFSTaylor
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My local supermarket has identical twins who work as shelf stackers. Both smiley and friendly. I spent a few months wondering how the hell he managed to get from one aisle to another so fast before I realised there had to be two of them.

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    #5

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    natfos Report

    Denis
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did it work? If yes, I gotta have a chat with my sister

    RJ BERG
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How interesting & sweet at the same time...it takes an 11 year old to point out the more than likely obvious that the older sister deserves/needs this... maybe the kids could do a better job running the world than the adults! Lol

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    they're hiring your sister instead of you aren't they?

    BusLady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your sister believes in you. You sound like a good role model.

    Turd Ferguson
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's one of the sweetest things I have ever heard.

    Alex K
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    why does an HR department have instagram? jesus

    MN
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why shouldn't we have instagram? ;)

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    #6

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    cULTMOTHER Report

    IAmClearlyAverage
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *“Hello yes period helpline what can I do for you?”* “Well the monthly blood renewal sounded like a good idea at first, but I’d like to cancel my subscription” *”ooh, sorry miss, but you still have another 28 years in your contract”*

    Isis Piersee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, but other options are available! You can unsubscribe for 9 months with our side offer, but it comes with an 18-30 year payment plan....

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    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    did they at least send you a free gift for joining up?

    RJ BERG
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You always have the best comments Stellermatt... with that, yes, the gift of bloating, mood swings, and a temporary pass that you are not pregnant but eligible to become it....

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    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I waa a pre-teen, I thot it would be a twice a year event - like my dog, so I asked my mom about it. My reaction to her reply was, "EVERY MONTH?!!! ... Are you SURE???!!!

    Diane Serpa
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish we did have seasons like animals. Stupid big brains and over active nads.

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    BusLady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My MIL basically didn't have a period for 19 years. She had 14 pregnancies, with a space of a few months between each, during which she was breast feeding. Of course, I wouldn't call that the best birth control...

    SykesDaMan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hahah! He was clearly joking! Right? RIGHT???!!!???

    Night Owl
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish ... my monthly subscription started today (again)

    Aaron Kara
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It does seem to come around quickly...monthly even

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    #7

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SJSchauer Report

    Aaron Kara
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Considers adding more guns to the school environment by arming teachers but straws, they gotta go, they're dangerous!!!

    Bored Fox
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also here in EU many complanies are planning to quit using plastic straws and other plastic single use items like forks and knives. It is just good for the envinronment to replace plastic with paper, cardboard, wood and other bio-degreable materials.

    Marina
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree that guns should be banned but implying that the banning of straws is nothing, or doesn't matters is low too. I agree with the point but the comparison is badly chosen

    Will Lankstead
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nice to see they've got their priorities right !Go USA !

    DeadStillPretty
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok this straw thing...some people NEED them to drink. I had multiple brain surgeries, half my face is frozen. I haven't been able to get facial rejuvenation surgery yet for it. Until then, I cannot purse my lips on one side of my face. Liquids will simply NOT stay in my mouth. Often, I use a plastic straw to drink, especially in public. The environment is really a non-issue for me and lots of other people like me when we cannot drink in public without them.

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So much progress made this year. : p

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Betty Rubble suits you. Stone age attitude.

    Bruce Kunde
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    California....Born there raised there Moved the hell out 13 years ago, Thank God

    jevais
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes what a glorious thing. Straws are by far more deadly than fire arms.

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    #8

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    TheCheish Report

    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As soon as I saw these two birds I thought "Joan Rivers and May West!" may-west-5...2c1c4.jpeg may-west-5b8660aa2c1c4.jpeg

    Little letitia
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *scene*- we open to a camera shot of two very extravagant looking, southern belle birds discussing their ex husband's and their grounds for separation. Left bird- " and my second husband became the owner of a chain of rotisserie poultry restaurants and simply couldn't understand why that offended me so! And so, I filed for divorce and was awarded ownership and control over 5 of the 7 restaurants. Which of course under my management are a huge success! ...what about you? " Right bird- "oh my story isn't anywhere NEAR as exciting! ...my late husband, (husband number 4) tragically passed away in a mysterious bread eating accident. I just don't know what it is about me and spouses they all seen to pass so suddenly and unexpectedly, it's simply tragic" * End Scene*

    Ann Jeppesen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It even looks like the one on the left has a tiny handbag with it. Suits the whole story

    Agnes Jekyll
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Twice divorced!!! Love it--tell me that's a thing now

    Claire A.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The one on the right looks like she's done with marriage for now and she'll just live off her last two divorce settlements while she bangs the pool boy.

    Patricia Ross
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That one on right looks thrice divorced.

    Wiggity
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looks like Animal Planet's version of AbFab.

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    #9

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Madiford2 Report

    Erwin Sanz
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thats the origin of chick called

    Wiggity
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's it. I'm taking a baster to the beach next time I go.

    Erika Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah, the joys of pregnancy...good thing she still has her sense of humor!

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😂😂😂 loughing too hard, sorry

    Miss Cris
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love this one, why isn't first? It should!!!

    Slune
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is the best pregnancy shot EVER! A great sense of humor. )))))))

    Gabriel
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes, but I usually don't put bikinis on my chicken. I prefer garnishes.

    BusLady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't worry. That bun will be out of the oven soon.

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    #10

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    emmabetsinger Report

    Aaron Kara
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also the sea is filled with things exclusively designed to kill you, sharks, jelly fish, swimming knives...I think I lost the metaphor

    Zenozenobee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Considering the amount of case in which the partner or ex-partner is the murderer, your methaphor is just right

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    Zori the degu
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    True both literally and metaphorically, sadly.

    athornedrose
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    very polluted. we're killing our environment and it's killing us right back

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Rubbish is shipped to other countries willing to take it and destroy it but they dumped it in the sea instead.

    Dilly Millandry
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's true so why the downvotes??? Creating rubbish is a serious problem but so is correct disposal.

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    Miss Cris
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I must share this quote with everybody!!!!

    BusLady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, shipwrecks (AKA trainwrecks on dry land).

    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    how come I only ever find the trash lately?

    Dianna Slowey-Thomas
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That explains it! All the fish that I’ve met lately just talk trash.

    Dianna Slowey-Thomas
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, and the fish are eating it, which is why most are garbage

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    #11

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    PEACHYBLACKG0RL Report

    Aaron Kara
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's almost as if he isn't a capable politician

    Rosco Schmitt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because President Trump is not a bought and paid for politician. Winning.

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    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dangerous, dangerous, irresponsible man - threatens everyone, knee-jerk agressive reactions, seemingly answers to no-one. The world will be a safer place once he is gone

    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I legitimately think he is senile and should be removed from office as being unfit for the responsibility.

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    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    he tweets like your grandad who hasn't learned how to turn caps lock off, everything is shouting.

    Si
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you look at the world’s history of violence and crime, it’s obvious that testosterone is the unstable hormone.

    Bruce Kunde
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well Hill isn't acting too sane lately

    Mont
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, but imagine how emotionally unstable Hillary would be.

    Mr. Re-in-act-ment
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, it's true. I mean hitler tried to invade and we kicked his *ss

    Toni Howard
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t see how his comment is unstable. it’s the damn truth people need to think before they threaten our country cause the military will bring down an a*s beating the likes they’ve never even imagined under this president! Anyone who would sit by and allow thes people to threaten our way of life need to slap themselves and grow up

    Sharon Ingram
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But it’s working! So THERE! Lol!

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    #12

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    no__WEY Report

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    hey i was on a train something like a month ago, and on the other side of the aisle was sitting an elderly couple. he kept passing gas and saying out loud: "WASN'T ME!", "Hey stop looking at me I DIDN'T DO IT", while giggling with his wife. at one point she started laughing and fanning with a newspaper and he went like, "oh boy this is nasty, but do you think I farted too loud this time?" both kept laughing, i must say the smell was nasty but i couldn't keep from laughing too :D

    RJ BERG
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well I know one thing, you are not in California where they banned straws so that's not happening

    Monika Soffronow
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, they did not. They did not ban straws. They banned single-use straws made of plastic. I hope it spreads like a prairie fire!

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    Patti
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My 55 year old sister blew her paper from a straw at my 83 y.o. Dad and missed. Good times

    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're not alone in being the innocent victim of someone else's mischief. Years ago, in grade school, I tried to throw a pat of butter at some jerk who was being obnoxious. I made a bad throw and missed - him. Hit one of my buds in the eye. It became a running joke.

    Debster
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me too. I do this at my kids.

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    #13

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    V_sugarbaby Report

    Cora Fields
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's right, keep them humble

    Patrick McKemie
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I usually just comment, "Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of, I'm sure you did your best?"

    Wiggity
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Couldn't get into Yale, huh?"

    PandaMan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Playing stupid is so funny - Dumb and Dumber must be your favorite movie. Keep dating your boy who is on parole.

    Andrea Delden
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Love it! How did you keep a straight face?

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    now we'll see how clever they are...

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not sure, but doesn't that make you seem a teensy bit of an idiot?

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    #14

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    crislyn_graham Report

    Alisa Roberts
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She must eat a lot of pickles... I wouldn't need to talk to my husband for days if that was the case...

    Hybris Eisoptron
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually you don't need someone to open it, you just need to smash the side of the lid against something (against the floor for example) and it will pop and be easy to open ;P

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That works. Sorry you got so downvoted just for something practical.

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    Susan Gardner
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh God that is just the most adorable. I could almost cry

    Amy Force
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Butter knife, baby!! butter knife. works miracles! lol

    LaDonna Hulcy
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you want someone to manipulate you?

    Pandykinz
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A rubber band around the lid works well when I'm not speaking to my husband. Bahaha

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    #15

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    betsylozan Report

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this is a good answer to your mums question of 'if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?!', you could now answer 'yes, but I'd wear a life jacket'.

    Sally Appleton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably more important to ask if there's water at the bottom first.

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    Gary Ch
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry to be so literal here, but I believe it is very dangerous to wear a life vest when jumping from heights. I believe it could break your neck if you go feet first or shoulders if head first.

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why not just say I promised my girl and leave out the pinky promised bit? Maybe I don't get how serious the pinky part is, don't think we do it in the UK though I might be missing a massive trend, but the pinky bit doesn't sound like something a man would admit to.

    Turd Ferguson
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a fair question that I don't believe deserves to be down-voted. It does make it sweeter that he included that wording, but I understand why someone from a different culture would maybe not understand.

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    Mont
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jumping off a cliff with a life jacket is extremely dangerous. If it's not fastened tight enough, it could probably break your neck if not decapitate you altogether.

    Christina Sersif
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In reality they're just jealous his girl loves him.

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need to know if they backed off or not...!

    Gabriela
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never break a pinky promise!

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    #16

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    kpfeffss Report

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "punches screen, clears desk of paper, throws chair through window* I... er... have no idea... what you're talking about...

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's that famous emotional stability that men have that makes great presidents again.

    Night Owl
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, like Trump, Kim Jong Il, Erdogan, ... all really emotionally stable and rational and practical men

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    boredhuman
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a guy and on the rarest occasion i get very angry (usually at someone) and i also have the need to get lose the angry at the moment. i then also feel the need to punch something. But i will always (no matter what state i am) remember myself i rather punch something else and hurt myself then that i hurt anyone else. I will never lay a hand on someone.

    Ellis
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    @Aunt Messy, I am a grown up and punching a bag or pads in the gym is the way I deal with my anger. Better for my health and my state of mind (both anger and exercise release hormones) and WAAAAAAAY cheaper than a psychotherapist

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    Erika Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know - why is anger the only negative emotion men are "allowed" to express? So messed up.

    BetsyB
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reacting the same way as a woman would get you sent for a psych eval. I know from experience, lol. Before that happened a guy at work put his fist through a glass door in anger & they acted like it was normal for men.

    Jo Choto
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Any time this subject comes up, all I think is of a bunch of grown men crying over the result of a sports match.

    C.S.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    or throw a game controller into a $1-3k T.V.

    Kiss Army
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My brother broke his hand punching the wall to keep from hitting his crazy b***h wife (now ex.). So I guess that covers both?

    Kiss Army
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I should clarify, my brother is not violent, he was mad because she was blaming her affair on his military deployment and told him it probably wouldn't have happened if he had a "normal" job.

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    Claire A.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm more prone to violence towards inanimate objects than crying and my husband is the chill one. I had a cold once and kicked a hole in our wall because I couldn't stop coughing. To be fair...the walls were very thin at that house and I really hate coughing.

    Mika N
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me too! Everyone has emotions, it's not a male or female thing. I've known men who express their emotions in more what some would call the stereotypical "female" way, and women who express in the "male" way. It's just dumb to label it by gender, they're human emotions we all feel.

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    #17

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    clairedaniellem Report

    issam
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What you gonna do sister .. just bear with them .

    Willi Waldmaus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Their koalafications are irrelephant.

    GlassOfWater
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a bad habit of calling them chlamydia bears. Has led me to public embarrassment.

    Han
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are actually colloquially known as 'Drop Bears'. We warn tourists about them once they arrive.

    Xiaolaohu
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He was funnier than you though...

    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well clearly he didn't think you were joking.

    Claudia Espindola
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What?!!? the don't koalafy???, writing National Geographic right now...

    Ruth Beaty
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then you just slowly blink your eyes a few times and say, "But...I thought they didn't have Koalafications?" and just wait to see what he does.

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    #18

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    HanaMichels Report

    Mike Rodrick
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You haven't learned that women are never wrong?

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    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You are - unless you have a loo-roll obsessed dog! Had to abandon the holder completely as it was just enabling her habit.

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    there is a whole wiki page for this... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation

    Ellis
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well at least those men (s)wipe....

    Miss Cris
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, it looks that is way to drag! I'll put atoilet paper in my photo, too. Just it.

    Marianne Evensen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But your towel is perfectly folded and hung properly as my mother would have liked it.

    Gerry Higgins
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We just want you to do it right. You're welcome.

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    #19

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    littlemiss_WDE Report

    Zori the degu
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or when I have to pay a whole ticket for my perfectly civilised corgi to board on the subway, but all screaming insufferable children under 6 go in for free.

    jevais
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Annette why are u so rude. In my city there are more and more appartement for rent or to buy which don't allow dogs. I live in an appartement building with many children and we never ever have a moment of peace. The kids slam the doors, threw their litter in and around the building, they scream from outside for their mother (multiple this by about 20 kids), they run around in their appartements to no hours, it's impossible to have a moment's rest, they play with the elevators, you might as walk 5 stories down or up. My dog doesn't bark, run around like a headless chicken, she doesn't litter in or around the building, she just stays in her basket waiting politely for her next walk. Yes, childrend rule the building and I do like well behaved kids, but one can't choose your neighborhoods. In this building there are about 10 families with dogs, it's very rare to hear any of them.

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    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It has usually been my experience that people's pets are better behaved than their children. Some people really shouldn't breed.

    NaCoria
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lmao. my apts charge $500 deposit and $50 a month fee!

    Gary Ch
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    (US) law doesn't allow you to charge extra for children or discriminate against renting to parents. Both would be a form of illegal discrimination. But depending on the state the law does allow for pet fees and/or deposits.

    ThatJeremyKid
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My bunny literally makes NO NOISE and ended up getting blamed for loud noises. And when we moved out, after the water heater leaked all over our carpet, the landlord said the resulting carpet stain looks like BUNNY PEE. HE'S LITTER TRAINED ASSHAT.

    Christina Sersif
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you think that's bad? try pet rent. yes that's a thing and it's got to be the most absurd thing ever. Thus my apartment knows I have a cat, but I have 2. I refuse to report the other one bc it's $20 per pet.

    Kayleigh Iseppon
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    See if you can get a doctor's note saying they're "emotional support animals." Some states have laws saying landlords cannot charge pet rent for emotional support animals. Worked for me! Haven't paid pet rent in years!

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    Vicky Zar
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well children don't pee or poo in the garden...

    Bruce Kunde
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kids do a lot more damage to rentals than pets

    Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this. My neighbors' kids do nothing but scream and throw things and sometimes p1$$ in the stairwells

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    #20

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    NazaakatWali Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know it's a joke, but sorry, she lost me at "my boyfriend tried to make me have sex.."

    Nikol Böhmová
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's my girl :) I have my Accord and for two years my partner is trying me talk into buying new car (some type of off-road car) and I successfully refuse :D love my car :)

    Peak25500
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ha ha! Perfect! Honda fan girl :-D

    Daniel Marsh
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And not until we can 'Ford children. Only then will we be Lincoln privates.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *of* my own accord is how that goes....

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    #21

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    girlontapas Report

    K Miller
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where might one find a treadmill like this? Asking for a friend... ;P

    Mika N
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want one that takes me through the Shire or some magical cloud land or something.

    Mark
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just don't post the "route" you take on Facebook otherwise some people might wonder why you keep "running past" their house ;)

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And know where you live and when you are out.

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    Blue Cicada
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want to go "hiking" on the trails of the United Kingdom!!!

    Diane Serpa
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A posh gym we used to belong to had screens that took you through hiking places all over the world. It was neat but not programmable. I like this google map idea!

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    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your level of avoidance is epic.

    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What would be cute is if you could program it to simulate the Peachtree Road Race or the Boston Marathon.

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's great. You can see what all your neighbors were doing outside a few months ago.

    Will Lankstead
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Great idea ! I have one which gives me a VR image of the English Channel. I'm just nearing the French Coast now. It's brilliant ! I don't even get wet ! But, you know the funniest thing is I CAN'T SWIM !!

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    #22

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    DelilahSDawson Report

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my daugher is 3, she LOVES when her trousers have pockets. LOVES IT.

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love pockets til today - I'm 30

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    MJ Beecker
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my wife bought a new dress with pockets - never seen a woman so excited.

    Jessica Hepler
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a legit problem not only is it hard to get pockets we get pants with the illusion of pockets just to drive us crazy

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    Zori the degu
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, yeah. The struggle is real. Also, not being able to find jeans that are both wide enough, deep enough and don't have idiotic holes on them, plus are my size. Honestly, people. I'm just a 172cm, standard-sized girl that needs practical clothing! When are you going to learn that not all girls are dumb enough to follow stupid trends? Just make a small stock of... well, normal clothes and see if it works, it wouldn't cost you so much, you get like 50$ from selling one teeny tiny ridiculous crop top shirt! I'd even pay extra, just offer me some normal clothes, goddammit!

    Rebekah
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have three dresses with pockets. Whenever someone compliments me on them, I always go: AND POCKETS!!! and show them. The women always understand.

    Amoureuse
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm the same. If i get a dress or a skirt with pockets, everyone'll know.

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    Claire A.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most of my nice work pants have those sad tiny pockets I can't put anything in. I just want to be able to put my phone in my dang back pocket.

    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I will NOT buy a pair of pants that has no pockets. Period. Time and again I have gone to a store and found what seemed to be a great pair, only to discover it had no pockets, or pathetic excuses for pockets that would barely hold one credit card. Back on the rack!

    Monika Soffronow
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It always pisses me off that women's outerwear hardly ever, and that is pretty close to never ever, have any inside pocket whereas men's jackets, overcoats etc almost always come with a great inside pocket to stash some valuable things in. Grrrrr.

    Floor
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pockets that look like pockets but are sown shut should be burned.

    Dilly Millandry
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate that! Though some are only sewn shut to stop people putting their hands in when trying them on and stretching the fabric/leaving things in them. They are only tacked closed and you can unpick them.

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    Ryan-Michele Eagleton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All I'm saying is, I'll believe we've achieved equality of the sexes when we have goddamn pockets. It's 2018. Where the f*ck are my pockets???

    Erika Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, and how about giving us sizes that are simple measurements, like men's?

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    #23

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jennaaclaire Report

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm the one answering your question every time you repeat it but ALSO not being noticed... :P

    Mika N
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As someone with a naturally quiet voice (I try to speak up! I really do!) I make it a point to be that person for others when I see it happen. I know the pain.

    S.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of my maternal aunt. I could be talking about the most lamest thing in the world, and she would still be responding to me actively. Love her. ❤

    Diane Serpa
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate being left out so I always try to shout down other (yes, I am one to but just to bullies) over talkers if a quiet person is trying to get something important out. Whatever you think of Disney, they gave all at a meeting 3x5" cards to write on semi-anonymously (they might use something better now, I read about it in 2002) and put them on a wall to be voted on by the group so that all opinions and information are heard.

    Anne Reid
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want to be that person so bad, but I can’t block out all the other noise and I also can’t hear all that good in the first place. Because I totally LOVE to hear what people have to say, especially when they’re really into something. It’s just soooo fun to see what someone is passionate about.

    John Montgomery
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That person sounds nice. Wish there was someone like that when I was in school.

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    #24

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    cottoncandaddy Report

    Crochet lady
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I heard the shape of the straw is the problem, it isn't recyclable because the shape gets jammed in machines. Maybe that's not true for the lid? Just wondering.

    Troux
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Starbucks in my area switched from "plastic lid + plastic straw" to "plastic lid + straw that's made of a single sheet of tissue paper"....or you can choose to have the large plastic lid for sipping.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's the shape and size of straws specifically that's the hazard, predominantly to wildlife and sealife.

    Julia Caruso
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even thought it's plastic, it's a plastic cover without a straw instead of a plastic straw and a plastic cover. Also straws have their own problems because of their shapes when they aren't disposed of correctly

    Rosco Schmitt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But bio plastic isn't very recyclable. At least the straws are great fire starters.

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    #25

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    twitter.com Report

    Aunt Messy
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought those lived in the broom closet.

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    Gryffindor Grace
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    home is where the water doesn't taste weird.

    Erika Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And where my husband complained because I recycled them all!

    Diane Serpa
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My SO is the ONLY one who brings them home. I use them for hair color but otherwise, I bring them to the bag-only recycling bins at the grocery store. They can't be recycled in the regular plastic recyclers because they are too flimsy and mess up the machines.

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    CrunChewy McSandybutt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I literally have a garbage bin designated for plastic bag collection.

    Josh Tall
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    in the dishwasher....that never gets used

    Will Lankstead
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds a bit too plasticky to me !

    Sue Donim
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    missed a few layers for me.

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    #26

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Eden_Eats Report

    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My friend has one like that, they start talking and it is impossible to get away - ends up inventing imaginary reasons you have to go.

    Dnelle1972
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Welcome to the club! We have cookies, which we eat in our own houses with the doors locked and the shades drawn.

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    Just Me
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lucky you. My neighbours are from hell...

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel for you, i had that problem for a while but was moving anyway. Hell when you are stuck with them.

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    Aaron Kara
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's a time and a place for friendly neighbours,

    Xandra
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have one of those also. Tried lots of excuses to get away, didn't work. It got to the point where I just said I really had to use the toilet... That happened twice already! She must think I have a really weak bladder...

    JP
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why all the lying? I just told my neighbor the truth: 'I'm sorry, but I want to change and relax a little before I start dinner. I just don't have the time right now. How about we get together Saturday and catch up? That would be lovely.' Works great! Sometime I talk, but when I don't want to my neighbor understands and I don't have to lie all the time.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is what one has to do. Some friendly neighbors are just being friendly, some are overstepping boundaries due to various psych issues, and excuses won't really work. It's best to make it clear to people what your boundaries are; no need to feel bad, it doesn't mean you are a horrible person. If they don't like it, they'll then leave you alone, and problem solved.

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    Will Lankstead
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My neighbours are really friendly too. They love it when I play my electric guitar really loud. I think they must love Heavy Rock Music as much as I do; especially all that high-pitched feedback. They'll start banging on the walls between our two houses. I can hear them shouting : "MORE MORE ! and PLAY LOUDER ! TURN IT UP !" At least that's what I think they are shouting. Do you know they'll even come around to my house and smash the windows just so they can hear me better. It's great to know my playing is appreciated. I must call into them to thank them for their support and encouragement. Bless them.

    Diane Serpa
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish my neighbors cared enough to want to talk to me. So their kids dont do bad things to my house. We are all at "hi" level and we give out the full sized candy at Halloween so we hope that accomplishes the same.

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    #27

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    katefeetie Report

    Lord Beerus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't disrespect shrek like this,,,

    Emma Knappe
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep. And nothing is worse then opening your camera to take a picture of something and it opens to the inside camera. Ultimate betrayal

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Must have been designed by a nerdy guy that's intimidated by pretty women.

    Michelle Line
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And I thought I was the only with this problem. Even when I max out the "beautify" setting.

    Yeetus Deletus
    Community Member
    6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    bag of b***h is my new favorite insult

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    #28

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    y2kenthusiast Report

    Zori the degu
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *Stares into space deep in thought at the marvellous prospect.

    Troux
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait until you're older...

    lia minou
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this is hilarious!!!:DDDDDD

    Char Char
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    me *files away for future use*

    Pepper Pots
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    LMAO never heard that one before but will definitely be using that,

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    -- so, I hear there's a great saleat the mall this weekend.

    Pandykinz
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Giggling like a maniac over here. This is so relevant

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    #29

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    sweetpoffin Report

    Laetitia
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Welp they are pretty tall...

    Claire A.
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Not a lot of Futurama fans on here I guess.

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    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are you dinosaur-ious? "You bet Jurassic I am!"

    Randy Dhuyvetter
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is it a good or a bad thing that I only just realized they're female.

    Claire A.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "All the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park are female"--Dr. Henry Wu. Except, they used frog DNA which allowed the dinosaurs to spontaneously reproduce asexually. Ian Malcolm was right "life finds a way."

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    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You have to; we're little "shortcakes" compared to them. -'Rock on, dino ladies.

    Mia J
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sigh, this reminds me I’m still torn up about the Brachiosaurus... Sorry, that was so random.

    Emlyn Vo
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well i hope you dont look down on them *ba dum ching!*

    Ben Smith
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Homer Simpson had a far more accurate quote: "Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!"

    Gerry Higgins
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Man-eaters..... yeah, that's the role model you want to follow.

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    #30

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    samlymatters Report

    Miss Cris
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was a kid, I loved minigolf!!!

    Wiggity
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So I guess no one else plays strip mini-golf?

    Molly McCabe
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I still love mini golf one of the best date nights I've had in a while ...2 hole in one shots yea i won that night

    Marko Žilić
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Caught me off guard 😂 OMG too funny

    John Montgomery
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Would've been funnier if it was a church near the strip club.

    Rã Field
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...you are looking cool to be them:)

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    #32

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    karenkilgariff Report

    ille102
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aaahhh spotting a MFM fan in the wild is an awesome thing. Don't get murdered hon!

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    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaphone!

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Na-na na-na na-na na-na -- sorry, my batgirl phone is ringing.

    Csaba Jozsa
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    was that really a banana in your pocket? or were you just happy to see them.

    Rebecca Gichuki
    Community Member
    6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Doctor says you should always carry a banana. They're good for potassium :) Yes, that Doctor.

    Sue Donim
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    good one. but why not just pull out a REAL phone ?pretend it was on silent vibrate.

    Mont
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You could have just used an actual phone.

    ThatJeremyKid
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I'm sorry, this banana is urgent..."

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    #33

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BienSur_JeTaime Report

    karen snyder
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is an old saying, in my family: "Never let your love see you cook spinach." To us, it meant that you should never let on to how many resources and how much effort you put in to a project.

    Susan Gardner
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And I'm always like 'I'll never eat all that,' then it's two bites and I'm done

    Mixedupste
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    and that is still too much spinach!

    Han
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This one is played out. Yawn.

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    #34

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Debby Keir
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Read an article in a nature mag that the birds love kale, particularly cooked. So, bought a pack, cooked it and put it in the bowls by the feeder and underneath. 3 weeks later, even the rats were turning up their noses. Maybe my location isn't quite as woke(n)

    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our birds and squirrels will sit on the patio chairs and look in to the window, or tap on the window to let us know the feeder is empty! Thought I was seeing things when it first happened! The birds stare and the squirrels smack their paws on the window, of the French doors!

    #35

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ramblinma Report

    Sean Maynard
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I didn’t realise that 80% of what I say was inappropriate until my 4 year old started repeating me

    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I grew up listening to the oldies (hate modern pop music), and now listening to them again I realize just how inappropriate the lyrics are. The naughty stuff went over my head when I was little, and even when I hit puberty and was learning about "the birds and the bees." What a difference even a few years of maturity makes.

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mum hated to listen to songs with i appropriate lyrics - nowadays, kids moved out, she's dancing through the kitchen to "blurred lines"...

    Amelia Junge
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I didn't realize 80% of song lyrics were inappropriate until I had to listen to them in the car with my mom.

    John Montgomery
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is true. I was a bit shocked when I realized what Elvis's "Teddy Bear" was about.

    Jo Shakeel
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The worst is when I start singing along, then realised that the lyrics contained inappropriate words, then I just mumble... mental note to self ‘delete the songs, or put clean versions on the usb’ 🤦🏽‍♀️

    Marnee DeRider
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my son was growing up, I'd play CDs in the car. It seemed like about 80% of the CDs, I had skip track #7. Track #7 on: Beastie Boys Ill Communication, Tori Amos "Under the Pink", Tool's Aenima ("Hooker with a Penis"), always had to skip it when my son was in the car.

    #36

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aJackieLarsen Report

    Stephanie Hansen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every school and work place should have one of these!

    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    they have - they are called toilet cubicles

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    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A real man cries where ever he wants!

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Absolutely. Did you see the crash of opinions on Toxic Masculinity? I got too scared to go in. A manly kind of scared.

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    Tricia Evans
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need a scream closet. A sound proof room where i can go to scream out all my frustrations... seriously I have been getting some really weird looks when I start screaming in my car.

    Ellis
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Generation Snowflake

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is it? I'm jealous as I'd have loved somewhere to hide when crying at school.

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    Pepper Pots
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This would be great at work too, we only have two bathroom stalls, and woman cant cry in peace. It releases good endorphins okay..

    John Montgomery
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a nice idea, but why does the closet look like it was blown out of another part of the school?

    rhyan lumilay
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a good idea sometimes you just need some space.

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    #37

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Wynand
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shampoo in our house. So many shampoo bottles.

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cut them in half and scoop out the contents. Gets to all of the lotion so that you can then throw them away completely empty.

    Gryffindor Grace
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    99 bottles of lotion on the wall, 99 bottles of lotion, take one down, pass it around...

    Christina Sersif
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have my own mini mart of hygiene products in my closet :-| I regret nothing

    Vicki Hardy
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gotta get every last drop.....

    Sharon Ingram
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Take caps off both new and old bottles. Balance old bottle on top of new and leave til Old is empty. Rinse out old bottle well and drop into recycle bin.

    Sharon Ingram
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just for clarification, place the openings together so it drains out. 😂

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    Hikikomori
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially the ones from hotels.

    Debster
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sooooo me. And I'm moving and they are all coming.

    Jessica Hepler
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We are in Jenna marbles words goo hoarders

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    #38

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    DariaButGay Report

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kudos to her. Though I did read recently that doctors are saying it doesn't work. Miserable sods.

    Lilli
    Community Member
    6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    or she could have asked for a cranberry sprite... I'm sorry I will leave now :3

    karen snyder
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hate to be the killjoy, but I feel this is a necessary PSA. Ethanol retards nutrient breakdown and absorption. https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa22.htm You are hardly getting anything besides sugar in an alcoholic drink. Screwdrivers are not giving you vitamin C, White Russians are not a source of calcium and the sweetened cranberry juice in your Cosmo sure as hell isn't going to help a UTI. This woman is not respectable, she's delusional; and she is hurting herself.

    Clare E
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And yet you decide to go ahead and be a killjoy anyway...

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    Sarah Laurent
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And... That also works really well !

    Nicole Rosandich
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg. I needed this today! That is beautiful.

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    #39

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    cant_stopeating Report

    Hannah McGowen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aww! Don't give up; we're all beautiful in different ways! ✨

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No; people don't evaluate your appearance based on your photos. It's just a question of whether your features are "cut" to work well with photography. Some of the most attractive people don't photograph well and, likewise, many models and others who take great photos aren't actually what you'd call attractive in person, they are just cut in a way that creates a good effect in the picture. And pretty much all of them have had surgery to further enhance that effect. Coming from four generations in the entertainment industry, I can guarantee there are lots of "handsome/beautiful" stars who photograph great but look like the most dull, nondescript, average people in person.

    Jo Johannsen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You know how they say the camera adds ten pounds? Well, it adds wrinkles and bags under your eyes, too!

    Orichinals
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's the reflection to show you, how you've should been, but in real it shows you the way it can reflect you. Most of the time it is less, than the real you and your bright sight.

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    #40

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    daniellevalore Report

    Mia Hunt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish I could like this multiple times

    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What do you call a blonde that died her hair brunette? A spy! What do you call a brunette who dies her hair blonde? Incognito!

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    #41

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    PetrickSara Report

    Jo Shakeel
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Fake pockets are the worst!!!

    Shari H
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And please explain why the last four pairs of pants I've purchased had pockets that were sewn shut? I mean, they were actual full-size pockets, but I had to get out a thread puller and open them to use them. Why?

    Nikki D
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now I'm frantically checking all my pockets hoping I get a magical just sewed shut one!

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    Nora AlMeida
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    False advertising is always bad. And while some people don’t stand pockets, many people, of various ages, actually do prefer them instead of having to use a handbag all the time (plus, a 3 year old shouldn’t have to have a handbag because she couldn’t put her rocks and shells in her pants, and she shouldn’t need to have someone hold it for her)

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Proably inventef by a man to save on th cost of clothing mfg. Male ratioal: they all carry purses, they don't need pockets.

    Gryffindor Grace
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    AND LETS NOT FORGET THE TEENY WEENY POCKET WHICH YOU CAN'T FIT ANYTHING IN UNLESS YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR TOOTHPICKS!!!

    Darryl Kerrigan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What are cigarette pants? Is that like skinny jeans?

    Ayla Fecero
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    basically, except usually a twill material, and a high waist. They originated in 50s - think Audrey Hepburn.

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    Debby Keir
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you buy a really expensive tailored suit in the UK, it has pockets. When you come to wear it, you try to put something in the pockets but noooo, they're sewn up. Several years later, once its no longer fashionable you find out that the pockets have been 'tacked' closed to preserve the line, but pull the thread, and you haz pockets. Facepalm.

    Joanne Hudson
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yoga pants with that tiny pocket IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BACK of the waistband.

    Andrea Delden
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, how much extra would it have cost them to add the 4 sq inch pocket? I also dislike how small our front pockets are. They aren’t even big enough to hold my phone. Meanwhile, guys pockets go down to their knees!

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    #42

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Eden_Eats Report

    Pamela24
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be honest - I hate this in general. Can we just stop stereotyping everyone? (I know we can't, really, but let's aim for that!)

    MJ Beecker
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    majority of stereotyping has grains of truth... but i like to give benefit of the doubt.

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    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this generalisation is daft. I'm 37, yet fit into the same generation as someone born in 1996, and to be honest I seem to feel more at home with ideas of those born in the 60's yet love the golden age of hip-hop, thrown in with my love of art, history, cartoons, being very childish (see all my puns) yet also having all my dad jokes... so I don't fit in but fit in by not fitting in.

    Darryl Kerrigan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm the same (born '81). Grew up without mobiles, laptops or the internet..

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    Thomas Kolev
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or complain in long articles how millenials ruined mayonaise.

    Kristy P
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are sensitive... but we give them participation awards and cry closets and are surprised when they don't know how to be adults.

    Joyce Berman
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Baby boomers can be equally dumb. No question about it. And I'm a boomer myself.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Parents and grandparents shape the younger generations, thus bearing a large chunk of the responsibility for any characteristics that are expressed as a group by their descendants.

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    #43

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    _gracellen Report

    C.S.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope to God this is what most women think. And by most, like 90-95%

    Sue Prewitt
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The older we get, the more we agree with it

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    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aw. You can still be a bit squishy round the middle.

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    Nataliia Portillo
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I guess I scored with my dude. Has a six-pack, doesn't let gym get in the way of our hang time, drinks on the reg, is one of the biggest foodies I know (burgers, ice cream, all the things) his pecs are perfect size definitely not bigger than my boobs and create a perfect little nook for me to rest my head, I said I needed to lose weight he said he likes me more like this but he is willing to coach me to tone if that's what I want (he knows all about fitness), and he said he looooves my stretch marks. I know this post is not about this, haha but I'll take any chance to brag about bae

    Marnee DeRider
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My understanding is the only way to see visible abdominal muscles on most people is to have a very unhealthily-low body fat percentage and do unnatural exercises. So, it's beautiful how/why? Unhealthy and/or unnatural people don't look good to me.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would generally be true for women, but men have a lower body-fat percentage and will naturally appear muscular just from a normal level of exercise. Consider too that our ancestors did things like hunt cave bears and mammoths and were extremely active as part of the normal course of surviving. Sturdy and balanced muscles were necessary to pull that off, and are inherently part of the gene pool that has survived to this day. You can even see this muscular definition in hunter-gatherer tribes that still exist around the world. These men typically spend a lot of time sitting around, only occasionally engaging in hunting, combative, or other types of activities, but they are inherently fit and display cut musculature.

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    Fiendhunter
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guys are not there to please you, Karen

    LemonyLickit
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh yeah! I like some meat on my men. Yum.

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    #44

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Allison_Tolman Report

    Sue Donim
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and the computer shows my face as seen by my phone .

    S.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need to see that secret camera which is converting my life into funny posts.

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    #46

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    House_Feminist Report

    RJ BERG
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why can't we replace every password with the fingerprint identity like the phones have?

    M O'Connell
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Apparently a number of those fingerprint sensors can be defeated by gummy bears. Passwords on the other hand can only be defeated by whoever finds the massive list of passwords you have stashed somewhere.

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    Sharon Lee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My iPad doesn’t recognize my finger print no matter how many times I reset it.

    S.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can you die from using the same/similar password for all your accounts and hoping no one ever finds out?

    Joyce Berman
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree. Way too many passwords to remember. Then I write them in a little book and realize -Duh- someone could look in the book and find them all. Bummer.

    Eric Dawson
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    iOS 12 does that. Google does it with an app called Automater. Siri in iOS 12 can bring up passwords just by asking. They've also updated copy and paste of the notification with numbers appear on a second device. Google also just released its Titan key its a usb dongle that acts like a vpn password locker.

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    #47

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    cottoncandaddy Report

    Random Panda
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eh, I've seen the opposite as well.

    Wil Vanderheijden
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only if you hang around in the wrong bars with the wrong people .

    Debster
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That should be women in the bathroom.

    #48

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    HOESTRADAMUS Report

    Laetitia
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *cough* people who think they are cool 'cause they say Harry Potter is just a kids book *cough*

    Tiffany Wilson
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Say it one more time for those Twilight fools in the back! lol

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    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's ok to like a bands most famous song, it really is.

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, now come on! That can't surely be right! Really???

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    Margaret Althea Elvenshadow
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "unpopular opinion haha... Stranger Things is so overrated lol..." like I get it Katie you want to look cool by hating on a popular show

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    #49

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Manda_like_wine Report

    Google Gmail
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a Tibetan terrier, blind to its own beauty

    cc
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ugh, i hate seeing dogs with hair covering their eyes. At least give it a trim so the poor thing can see.

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least you looked reeeaaallly good today. Go to fancy hotel and take selfies lounging on the plush, oversized furniture and the grand piano.

    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Least your hair looks good - make the most of it and go somewhere anyway

    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If they cancel.. then you go out anyways!

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my son gets confused and a little angry when I suggest brunch, he's like 'we're still having breakfast and lunch before and after though yeah?' and I'm like, ya know what, yes, yes we are.

    Marnee DeRider
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor people neglect their dog (perhaps due to working 16 hours a day) and are fined or go to jail. Rich people treat their dog just as badly in the name of a shallow (and misplaced) aesthetic , and society is like "How interesting!" I've been noticing this unfairness lately all over the place. Poor kid spends his life in prison due to an initial arrest for half a joint, and it all spirals down from there. Meanwhile, all the middle-class people are coating most of the land in their metropolis with poison on a regular basis in the summer, polluting the water, killing wildlife, and that's just fine.

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    #50

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    TheQueenBLifee Report

    #51

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    pjmboothang Report

    Miss Cris
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He looks at the icecream :)

    Peak25500
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably he just wanted to photobomb her...

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But he’s looking directly at the camera. Seems a little unfair to all the people in the photo to draw the comparison. Plus the women’s outfits in the new photo are WAYY better! 😄

    Nancy Baldauf
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The one on the right looks a lot like a stock photo.

    Mont
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even though he's just photobombing as a joke, his girlfriend looks pissed assuming he's checking the girl out.

    Rosco Schmitt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait for her lick.... Her to lick....

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    It would be a fairly boring photo if the rest hadn't happened. Stop taking photos of yourself doing boring stuff perhaps?

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Harsh downvoting! Must be a lot of people here who like photos of people or themselves eating ice cream. Dunno.

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    #52

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    _AlyssaLauren Report

    alwright
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG I love this XD he meant retrograde btw

    Joyce Berman
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So funny. First one I've actually LOL'd at.

    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Is he serious though? Because I'd be dumping his woo a*s if he was.

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    #53

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    _ItsJax Report

    LFSchind
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my now husband and I started dating all he had in his shower was peppermint Dr. Bronner's 18 in 1 soap. It had NOT been diluted and I used it to wash my face (not knowing that). I've never felt so alive.

    Petri Häkkinen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Upgraded from 2 in 1 but nothing is ever enough.

    Hugo Raible
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Women: Charcoal facial scrub Two shampoos (depending on the weather): Rose scent and Mango Conditioner made from honey and panda milk Peeling with Himalaya salt Lotion with Omega-3 fat pearls Men: 10-in-1 which also be can used for your car wipers, washing detergent and bike cleaner. Also women: Muh pink tax.

    ille102
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Haha I'm going to get downvoted too for giggling at this.

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    #54

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    makeesomenoyes Report

    Peter Anka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    obviously not so much if he spelled that correctly...

    Siddharth Rath
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    KEEPER ALERT!!!! *loud siren* *wedding music*

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He isn't drunk!! No typos so his brain and fingers are still working together.

    #55

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    JenAshleyWright Report

    Captain Marvel
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I apologise profusely to ants when I accidentally kill them or have to move them/wipe them away...

    Mont
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's actually woman for both

    Siddharth Rath
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Siddharth Rath
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just can't unsee how the sentence starts with an asterisk but ends with double quotes...*feels sorry for being grammar Nazi"

    Gerry Higgins
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sooo wrong. You have no idea how much us middle-aged men are NOT saying. Whenever we open our mouth it's a sexual harassment lawsuit so most just keep quiet.

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you. We don't want to hear that "stuff". Keep up the good work.

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    Hugo Raible
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jennifer hasn't met many feminists yet...

    #56

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    charstarlene Report

    rena
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same goes for tampons.

    Teh Bonz
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you're a guy, this can become awkward.

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    Captain Marvel
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ha I love this! Friendship starts with the hair tie <3

    Anne Reid
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah...girl, I got you this time, pay it forward to the next chickie in need. We good.

    Tarmin Slingerfinger
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guess I'm a sister now :D Long live guys with long hair

    karen snyder
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I totally give guys hair-ties Daily! I live with THREE men with shoulder length, or longer, hair. We have hair ties on every door k**b, lint rollers in every room and traps on every drain. We even formed a metal cover band called Mane Street, (for one party only.) I've notified them that we are all now Sisters, Amen.

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    #57

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BeeBabs Report

    Pamela24
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I haven't ironed anything in the two years I moved from my parents. Can't say I miss it. (For the record - I do hang the clothes properly and try not to buy anything that would look too bad wrinkled or that wrinkles easily. And also - I don't really care that much.)

    Carolina Ren
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do that too. Honestly I invest so much time on trying not to iron stuff that I should just iron my clothes :/

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    white widow
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd probably save some time if I'd just iron my first choice instead of going through my whole wardrobe and ending up ironing the first items I looked at....

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dry things on hangers? Admittedly I don't work in an office which is usually where the clothes that need ironing get worn. Needed the iron a fraction of the time I used to.

    Ohio Hands
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pull your clothes out of the dryer hot and put them away immediately and *BAM* little to no wrinkles.

    Nancy Baldauf
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Take them out of the dryer damp, hang immediately on hangers and let dry on the shower bar. NEVER iron, unless it's a hem that dried folded up.

    Tiffiny Seemann
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    BEST LIFE HACK EVER!!!! Buy a cheap spray bottle. Spritz the wrinkles with just plain water. (I always give the shirt a back and forth shake too, idk if it actually helps it’s just my habit) Hang the clothing up for a bit. It works amazing!!! I promise. 😘

    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kroger has a spray that smells fresh and kills all the wrinkles! Or Downey wrinkle release! We don’t iron. We still have the iron we got as a wedding present, and it still works! 25 years and counting. Got the same mixer too! Still works also!

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    #58

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    drhingram Report

    incoherent screaming
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This reminds me of the genital herpes commercial from season 5 of spn

    ArchangelLoki
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone slip a micky in your power shake?

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    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't get it...

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Harry Potter book is called Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Similar to the title of the herpes article above.

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    #59

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    TrillxLove Report

    Naomi Armitage
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've had this convo more than once since I went back to working full time. Still beats being broke, tho.

    CrunChewy McSandybutt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's so much truth here I damn near quit my job and became a hermit.

    Sharon Ingram
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sick of the “only in America” negativity. How about only in America are drive-in movie theaters! Only in America are ....... keep it going!

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How does this fit the context of "things that made the Internet laugh out loud"? It's not funny, nor even insightful.

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This made someone laugh out loud??

    Lori Koonce
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Didn't realize that we had an international arbiter of humour we all needed to answer to, must have missed the memo.

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    Loveyiii
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Toughen up Buttercup... I just had to. :-)

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    #60

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Lovely_Giox3 Report

    Nora AlMeida
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s not men; that’s individuals with lack of decency. Many of them happen to classify as males. A man would pay attention, though, because he has self-respect 👍🏼

    Carliann Freeman
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like he misunderstood. Maybe he thought she meant she was doing better than she had been, not that she's had better times than currently

    Beks Czar
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pretty much my conversations with my mom, in text and real life. She pulled a "hello answer me" text yesterday after she asked a question, to which I had already answered. She just couldn't be bothered to read that little bubble above her text.

    Wil Vanderheijden
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That's what you get when 99% of what you say is in some strange language filled with hints, suggestions and vagueness that no man will ever be able to comprehend.

    Tarmin Slingerfinger
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Normally I'd agree but "Ive been better" is not a vague statement, it's about as clear as you can get, and a solid invite to ask what is going on if you care(you don't have to). Just don't respond with "good to hear that" of course.

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    #61

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Invented by psychiatrists to get more patients.

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    legend has it she's still there now...

    Wendy
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No unexpected? Not sure she meant that?

    LemonyLickit
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Please wait for an attendant" Gah!!!

    Nancy Baldauf
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I won't use the self scanner unless I get the employee discount.

    Lyone Fein
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never use the self check out. I buy too much produce.

    Lily Robertson
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They do that when i turn around to get something out of the damn cart. Last month i yelled at one, "It's my butt, you a*****e!"

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    #62

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    rgay Report

    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's worse on public transport - you cant just move further away. Once had a woman behind me on the bus talk on the phone in a very loud piercing voice for a full 30 minutes. I was seriously tempted to get off and wait for the next bus

    Caroline Espenschied
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In this case I always comment loudly about the conversation : if it doesn't stop it, at least I have the laughs on my side... And maybe someday they will understand that if they make me hear them, I will make them hear me too !

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    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I find the higher up you hold your elbow whilst on the phone, the more of a d**k you are.

    Aunt Messy
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most airport lounges have "quiet" sections where phones aren't allowed. It's brilliant.

    Tiffany Wilson
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember back when push to talk first came out. I would see people walking through Walmart screaming into their phones with the volume at full blast, looking very haughty. They didn't realize how stupid the really looked...and sounded, lol.

    Aunt Messy
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, it's the ear buds that are really funny. I guess I must be old, but people standing around yapping at the air don't look "important", they look like crazy homeless people.

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    Brandy Boykin Gardner
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How about all those people having loud private conversations on speaker phone while doing their grocery shopping? I can't decide if I want to yell at them or join in the convo I'm obviously being invited to.

    Being_Cori
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    had an incident where a person who hated me entered the bus, din't notice me & sat behind. The bus started moving i get a call from a deaf person asking me what my name was, with all the noise in the bus, the deaf person & a crappy handset, i had to yell out my name. only for the person who hated me to yell 'you B**ch!' next thing, i was standing at the next bus stop. never again will i attend calls while in the bus

    Alia G.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Roxane Gay is awesome, she wrote a book called "bad feminist"

    Orichinals
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Men with the phone in the hands are never important, even if the thing so. All the important people in the world won't be called, they are in touch.

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    #63

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    dianamail17 Report

    Nikki D
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I didn't have a wig stand and kept putting it random places that always gave me a heart attack, finally just threw it away!

    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looks like a dog snacking on the goodies tossed in there!!

    #64

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    alixcowan Report

    serena
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This made me laugh so hard in this quiet office I'm in!! I don't know why I'm picturing Homer Simpson doing this.

    Neal Evans
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    why would you hate yourself for doing something nice?

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    well she's scottish, and they're renown for not wanting to part with their money...

    Kaneelbroodje
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This is not funny though, it's rather sad that she actually didn't want to donate the money when she found out it was her money all along. Not money she found,...

    Swathika Venkatesan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or she didn't have enough money to donate, yet when she found some money she had the heart to donate instead of keeping it to herself...

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    #65

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    alllllisun Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes. Have long hair and want to chop it to shoulder length but am pretty sure I will regret it.

    Merle S
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just do it - I've done this three times by now. Chop it, let it grow, chop it...

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    This Lil Raccoon
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I shaved all mine off, regret nothing! 👍

    Desiré Yen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have the same problem I hate it!!! Maybe I should get a wig or two!😄

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Long hair is the best, but you have to learn ways to style it so you can make "short" styles when you want to.

    Emlyn Vo
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had long hair, it was really thick and hard to wash and blow dry. I cut off almost all of my hair, and now I get made fun of and called a guy. I want it to be long again, but I don't wanna go thru that again

    Andrea Delden
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It will grow again!! Don’t sweat the small stuff! If this is the worst thing you have to worry about, count your blessings! Do some charity work!

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just don't care about my hair. I let it grow long because I'm too lazy and cheap to get a hair appointment, then it gets unwieldy and I chop it real short. People I don't see all the time are often like "Oh, you cut your hair really short!" or "Oh, you grew your hair really long!" and I'm like "Yeah, I don't remember what it looked like the last time I saw you."

    thepotatogirl
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have short hair and I love it, never gonna grow it out again... easier to take care of and dye it (hot pink is next!)

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    #66

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    swaggie_hunter Report

    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Absolutely. Lettuce is a total waste for me most of the time because I only use it supplementary (don't really eat salads, but I'll use it in other recipes).

    Erin Sheppard
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then you're spending $3 on shredded lettuce instead of buying a whole head of lettuce for $.98

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    Nancy Baldauf
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wish I could vote this up 5 times.

    #67

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    deelalz Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah, you're subjected to massive propaganda and commercialism, and the culture is completely geared toward keeping women broke. That's the truth.

    #68

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AlexisGirlNovak Report

    rena
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The best answer I found was "imagine what you would like your cell mate not to do to you"

    Random Panda
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be honest, I think men who say that are generally not very safe to be around. It's easy to not sexually harass/assault anyone, so if they're worried it likely means they've crossed a line before and are worried there might be consequences.

    Tarmin Slingerfinger
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or the paranoia that you might get easily accused for things that aren't actually sexual harassment, caused by all the stories you hear in the media :) but those are the exceptions of course

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    Ohio Hands
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is the option not to hook up and actually put time in to building a relationship before sex. What a concept.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lots of men are heavily reliant on pre-planned scripts for all of their interactions with others, especially women. (Women do it too, but I believe men are more prone to this.) It's a technique they develop in the hopes of averting failure and being more successful and competitive. Anyway, that's why men so often dish out script-like commentary and "lines". They also anticipate what you'll say and do in response to their script. You can prove this by giving an unpredictable response to a scripty question or comment. You'll see that it completely throws them off their game, and may even irritate them, if you don't act in the way they predicted you would.

    Marnee DeRider
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, nothing sexier than having some say, "Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you again? Can I set my hand on your shoulder? Can I now set my other hand on your other shoulder?" And on and on. And of course, the woman has to also ask if it's okay to touch him, over and over. "Is this okay? Is this okay? Is this okay?" How about we all just grow THE F UP and agree to actually use our words and TELL the other person if something isn't okay? Wouldn't that make things easier and a little sexier?

    Julie Partridge
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thing is, I've met women who have tried to threaten men with sexual assault just because they were mad at the man. That's not cool. And by tried, I mean, went to someone in authority & outright lied about them. I've known women who slept with men knowing full well it wasn't a relationship-only to get mad at them over something trivial-& contact the police. Some women are crazy. I've known (not friends but women I've worked with) 3 such women. So...yeah.

    Si
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You know more than one woman who has told you she has knowingly had a one night stand and then gone to the police to accuse them of rape? And you did nothing? Why does that sound incredibly unlikely?

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    #69

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbieEvansXO Report

    Mark Howell
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have a labbie, he'll let anyone in the house. But will chase birds out of the garden 'cos they're evolved dinosaurs and hence a danger to his hoomaans :o)

    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If me and the dog are alone, he will not go to the door, he’ll stand where he is and growl and look at me to take care of it!

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    #70

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    uhhmmily Report

    Daria B
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    China already has a live action of Mulan. And without the americanisation parts too!

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds good! Stories are so often ruined in the film version.

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    mrreeow
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A girl on buzzfeed already tried this, didn't look great.

    C.W
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A) Don't. This could actually kill you. B) Go to a hair salon. Less stressful and dangerous.

    #71

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    rachelaxler Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well...that is what a mother is...

    #72

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    perlapell Report

    Penny Martin
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Change it to cats and Im in....

    Mont
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kissing dogs is gross and it spreads diseases. They lick butts.

    Erin Nettleton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad calls them crawns (cry-yawns)

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of my dogs does this so loudly and at such a horrible pitch that it's more a case of protecting your ear drums from harm. More screech yawns. He is lovely but LOUD.

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    #73

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jessvallance1 Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't tend to travel with my stag beetle for just this reason.

    Jessica Gunn
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Dernit Bambi! I told you to quit following me to work!"

    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People do keep them as pets, especially in Japan. I don't think owners generally let them loose on the floor of a train though.

    Sunflowercray
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omfg!!! I had to google what that was & I was laughing before but after I saw the photo I almost dropped my damn phone!!! Haaaaaaaaaaa!!!

    Ohio Hands
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It would have been mine after that

    Cheryl Forbes
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stag beetles are a common pet in Japan.

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    #74

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    sammynickalls Report

    S.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Brb, gonna be a cheerleader for all the tits.

    Patrick McKemie
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Been there, done that, tooooooo many times

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes even when you proof-read the bloody thing.

    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Could be worse. I once had a coworker that sent an e-mail to our boss about our storage facility. She casually walked over to his desk with a print out of the e-mail and said "I had no idea we were in this kind of business." The title of the e-mail...Current State of the Campus Whorehouse.. Oops.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's okay, it sounds like a symbolic feminist anthem phrase.

    Angel Lane
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've done that several times now. Had to stop using the phrase.

    Naomi Armitage
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG--I reply "Got it" to 95% of the emails I get at work, and this is my worst nightmare. 'Cause most of the employees here are women. As am I.

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    #75

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jennacherry_10 Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is 65 million in the UK!

    Sheila Gaylord
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Forget the 7 million ... it only takes one as-h-le to make you miserable for the whole day. And that’s the truth!

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Awww...no, you must learn how to manipulate people, then your customers will be under your control, and these things will no longer happen.

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    #76

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aaprocter Report

    Nicole Rosandich
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I knew it! I always knew that is what happens after hours.

    Tabitha Osika
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would make for a completely different Night at the Museum movie

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    Nikki D
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So that's how I can touch everything *looks for job openings*

    ispeak catanese
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ooohh, doesn't everyone want to touch it?? Get really close to it and look at the direction of the brush strokes?? I went to a glass museum recently and was surprised not to be forcibly removed!

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    #77

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    morgs216 Report

    That poster from Canada
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I finished a psych paper at 3am, did spell check, but didn’t bother to proof read. I thought I turned in 10 pages on behavior management. What spellcheck had me turn in was 10 pages on beaver management. My prof probably peed himself laughing, but I still got an A.

    Wiggity
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just looking at the formatting gave me instant stress until I realized I graduated 4 years ago. (Lots of people go to college for 19 years.)

    All.is.on.pointe
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now what you should have done afterwards is write a short paper called behavior management and wrote about how to manage beavers and sent that to him

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That sounded like an appropriate title for the topic direction she appeared to be going in.

    Tara Brinton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Came here to say the same. Being a corrections officer sounds soul sucking.

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    Wendillon
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let's hope the professor is cool....

    Lissa
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yikes! Not as bad as yours

    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet he laughed his butt off!

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    #78

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    viviunuu Report

    CultOfBambi
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nice! My pet flea needs a make-over.

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's its name?? Betsy would be nice...

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    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those should be made out of candy.

    Ahkilah Adams
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    THIS IS SO TRUE!!!! I'M DYING!!!!

    #79

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    kica333 Report

    Jessica Gunn
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I walk around the whole store searching for an abandoned empty cart before going up front for one....

    NaCoria
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lmfao. it really is .. I remember I tried to carry 3 cases of water thru HEB -- my arms literally almost ripped off my shoulders and hit the ground

    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And try to get to the carts without dropping several items at least twice en route

    Randomcthulu
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My boyfriend and I run into this issue more than we'd like to admit, doesn't help that they don't round up the carts very often at our local Walmart, so there's usually none inside and I don't want to grab one in the desert heat outside

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dinner set.. had to stop half way and call for help.

    #80

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    i/web Report

    Larkin Elliott (student)
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is an awesome idea of what’s going on here

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    #81

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    caithuls Report

    EHops
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And thats why I will Never tell my family what I really do for a living (i work in IT)

    Zenozenobee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once made the mistake to say during a party with friends that I formated my hard drive... I have degrees in History and Geo. I just google and read a lot when I have a computer issu, please leave me alone, I don't have your answers!

    Ann Abdelzaher
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually this might not be too far wrong LOL My husband has a PhD in Computer Science but knows jack diddly about computers LOL I'm the one who handles all the computer related stuff and my background is education!

    Abby Rexroth
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do people think that someone they know with a vocation/talent should do stuff for free?

    Gary Ch
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only cool if you never ask that same relative for help with something they know and you don't.

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    last night. mother: "well my computer is not - " me "ENOUGH WITH YOUR COMPUTER ALREADY"

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    #82

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Jhoa
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a bit early ^-^ Had a favourite spatula since I learned how to make pancakes and scrambled eggs

    #84

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    LizHackett Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyday walking my dogs through the woods. No matter how many people have been through first I always am the one that gets the cobweb in the face. I would like to avoid the woods but my dog has a teeny problem with car-chase frenzy.

    K Miller
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The real you is probably a ninja

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    #85

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    abbieevansxo Report

    Jason Doakes
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Always thought that was an incredible waste of fruit ...and stands

    BlackestDawn
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, the fruit is much more often than not expired in some way and no longer sellable as food, and the stands are probably just enough to hold together for that take.

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    Monika Soffronow
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My then boyfriend wakes me up in the middle of the night. "You were screaming! Did you have a nightmare?" He was clearly up to being the gallant warrior knight saving the damsel-in-distress. Me: "Uuuh, hmm, yawn, no, I don't think so ... but I think I was dreaming ... something ... oh ... yes ... I remember, it was a car chase - and I was driving the yellow getaway car ... and I turned right at a street corner ... on two wheels ... and the tyres screeched." Result: He got angry with me for creating the sound effect! C'est la vie!

    Nicole Glass
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh dear lord...scrolled through straight faced for almost 100 posts... got to this one... almost peed my pants and gave myself an asthma attack. Thank you!

    Gary Ch
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Date: I think we are done here also because I don't like superficially judgmental people. Just because I like car chase action scenes doesn't mean I can't appreciate a beautiful sunset, a walk on the beach with you or a quiet evening with a good book.

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    #86

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    sixfootcandy Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’d rather have the first husband. Not for the cuddles, but because it’s nice having help to get up in the morning.

    Jade Lorreni
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    to be honest I just want a husband. no a boyfriend forever alone :(

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    Ruth Beaty
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Husband, children, and brothers and sisters, and they all learned the hard way to leave me alone in the morning until I'm human enough to talk. Screw the alarm and cuddling, wait until I can appreciate it.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had one who used to get up early every morning and walk to the local donut shop, come home with two fantastic chocolate-nut frosted donuts and fine quality hot coffee for me, and time it perfectly for when I woke up.

    #87

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ashleyn1cole Report

    Stephanie Hansen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the midst of moving right now and have thought this many times!

    Randomcthulu
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think my junk breeds in the corners, because I don't remember having that much stuff when I comes time to move

    Gary Ch
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    17 trips to Goodwill (charity) before my last move. But on the other hand, who wants to do laundry every friggin' time you need a clean tee shirt!

    Wiggity
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is it better or worse to decide that you absolutely cannot move because you have too much stuff?

    Ruth Beaty
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ten. Boxes. Of. Fabric. And we won't discuss the boxes of books, and that was just my stuff. My husband's was a whole other matter. And this was cross country.

    Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have lots of t shirts, that's part of why I never have to iron anything

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    #89

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    leahbullock_8 Report

    Lady A
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Two words: dry shampoo!

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    how is this a tragedy. fancy hairdo and shopping.

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because second day hair always looks the best, and washing / drying / styling takes forever and fundamentally changes the getting ready process.

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    #90

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    TheDreamGhoul Report

    Erin Sheppard
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA :)

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    Claudia Espindola
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would stick with Chandler.. you know, husband material.

    #91

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    caroline_oreo Report

    Tony Stank
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's probably why everyone was looking at her

    Nic Schoowert
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've always assumed HE was the one in Reeboks and sweatpants

    #92

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    iamsashakae Report

    Magpie
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Am I the only woman in the world that wears the hood up because my ears and neck are cold?

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably. Hats and scarves do that so much better.

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    #94

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Bez Report

    stellermatt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In 1937, Warner introduced its Alphabet Bra with four cup sizes (A, B, C, and D) to its product descriptions. Before long, these cup sizes got nicknames: egg cup, tea cup, coffee cup, and challenge cup, respectively.

    ispeak catanese
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a breast reduction, before that I lugged around two Home Depot Buckets.

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    LittleGrayMouse
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Imagine the weird tan lines with this one...

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who. Designed. This.

    Erika Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The same kind of man who designed the women's outfits on the original Star Trek.

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    Logical Hue
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    did anyone else start reading and wonder why a cup would be talking about swimsuits?

    Debbie Andersson
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whats even the point with this bathingsuit?

    C.W
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The heck is wrong with her shoulders??!

    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even with a small chest this just looks like nip-slips waiting to happen.

    Ruth Beaty
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And you must stand at the same awkward angle as the model to even make this remotely possible.

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    #96

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SketchesbyBoze Report

    Allie G.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Alfred Hitchcock: Poe was on to something...

    Marysue Watches
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was Daphne du Maurier that wrote "The birds", dear old Hitch got the idea from her. Now my literature nerdy self will get out of the door.

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    Nikki D
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If a huge a*s talking Raven just showed up in my house on a stormy night I would call 911 if I didn't already die of a heart attack. Or maybe I would think I was in a weird Disney movie,who knows?

    Vijay Amuk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    orwell: lookout for the CCTV cams

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We're not talking about your Great-Aunt Nellie's pet finch though...this is a TALKING bird, that says the same thing over and over, and a particularly creepy phrase at that. Not to mention, a species that plucks the eyes and guts out of soldiers dying in the fields....

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    #98

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    hellolanemoore Report

    #99

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    romiosini Report

    Jean Jacket
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a guy I was kinda hooking up with tell me one day "See you look better with no make up!" Literally the only difference in my makeup routine that day was that I didn't have any eyeliner on... everything else (foundation, blush, eyeshadow, mascara) was the same. Honestly.

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a woman and I can't tell either. But that's probably because I never wear it. I honestly don't get why anyone would. If you are trying to impress non-make-up wearers, it's not working. And if you just like how you feel in it... how can that possibly be? It's SO uncomfortable!

    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Did this person re-use an already made meme so they had to black out the text that wouldn't be there if they used the original screenshot? Amateurs...

    400 Bad Request
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Replacing the text is part of the meme: https://www.vox.com/2018/5/15/17351806/is-this-a-pigeon-anime-butterfly-meme-explained

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    #100

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    PAYOLETTER Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love Vietnamese food but, even after a full meal with soup, appetizer, rice, and entree, about an hour later, I'm hungry again....

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    #101

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    winningprotocol Report

    Marina Rios
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When life gives you leprosy, on the other hand....

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah lemons are the most useful and versatile. Who would complain about life giving you lemons?!

    rhyan lumilay
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i like my lemon sliced in my water as well as making a face scrub solution out of it.

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    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    due to a medical condition i can't eat, drink or even look at lemons (also oranges and grapefruits). so much for inspirational metaphores

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    #103

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    KarenKilgariff Report

    Bored Birgit
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aaaw. What a huge effort for little birdie.

    Abby Rexroth
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Love is in the air", come on, sing it with me!

    #104

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SADAFZARGARPUR Report

    Susan Gardner
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't figure out where the humor is in this, but... maybe it'll come to me

    CultOfBambi
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    False advertising fail, Bored Panda. How is this 'epic' and who the f**k is 'laughing out loud'? Lame and cringe-inducing, more like.

    CultOfBambi
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless she means his drunk a*s literally responded. That would be mildly amusing, if improbable.

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    Tiffiny Seemann
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She was trying to break the ice, he melted it all with a verbal flame thrower.

    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my early days, of a guy liked you, he tried to look up your dress after he pushed you down on the playground, as a result, I wore shorts under my dresses and skirts until I was 13, in case one of those a******s tried to do it again!

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lucky you!

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    #105

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    wolfyneyda Report

    Smoofy
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've had two people who I've KNOWN have crush on me. They were friggin creeps. One would steal stuff from my house to make me come outside and get it from him, the other was a pathological liar. I'm just waiting for the day when someone nice tells me they like me.

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    considering the kind of persons who've broken this to me, "miracle" is definitely not a word of choice.

    Jane Alexander
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    -and then there's the creep who tied a dead possum spread eagle on my steering wheel one night. I'd never have known who or why except that he stopped me on the street years later, told me it was him and it was because I wasn't giving him any attention.

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    #106

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    xineliza Report

    Troux
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    FYI, he was still hurt by it.

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The best. The checkout counter equivalent of thinking people are waving at you, and you wave back, only to see them hugging the person who was next to you.

    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How embarassing - a "wish you could just sink through the floor" moment - lol

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You could have saved it with "So did I."

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She should have replied, "I AM the Rewards Program, baby!"

    #107

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    pangmeli Report

    Gary Ch
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a cyclist and auto commuter I appreciate both sides. But for heaven sake when you are riding your bicycle and there is plenty of room to ride safely on the shoulder, stay the hell out of the middle of the traffic lane so the cars can do 25+ instead of 10mph behind you!

    Anne Reid
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think he means he’s walking. “One step at a time with only my muscles.”

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    Nicole Holt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It surprises me how little people in the US know about bike & road rules. In Germany we actually have bike school for elementary school kids. You learn the rules of the road and that you are supposed to follow all rules, just like any other vehicles. I.e. Going WITH traffic, not against. Having lights (front and back). Obeying stop lights and all street signs. And... yes, using the lane, like a normal vehicle. Not being squooshed against the side-walk, because a car is trying to pass you within the lane. I'm sorry: You're trying to pass a bike you're going to have to give plenty of room and go into the other lane. Like all vehicles. Rant over :)

    #108

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    MindyFurano Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me too. In my case it's because they turned out to be as boring af. I am not only happy for them to find out about each other but hope it makes them realise they need to make more effort.

    Ruth Beaty
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And life's too short for boring books so give them the kiss off. Except text books, of course, though I did have one that literally put me to sleep the minute I picked it up. Music history, of all things

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    Marina Rios
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to read a bunch of books at the same time no problem. Now that I’m an adult I can’t even remember my own name.

    Tim Douglass
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have 60+ in my "in progress" folder on my Kindle. I'm good at starting books, no so good at finishing them!

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    #109

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    emocarissa Report

    Darryl Kerrigan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sad day that, sad day for us all....

    Siddharth Rath
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I, a 17 years old, humbly apologize on the behalf of all men and boys and deeply regret any inconvenience an insignificant d**k may have caused to you. We all laughed and are still laughing at the joke. Not all men are so f*****g basic.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aw now, people tend to assume that others they are interacting with are fully focused on the interaction. But maybe this guy was preoccupied with a serious illness or death in the family, among a million other potential reasons why he didn't pick up on the minor joke. He may still be forced to engage in the day-to-day business of life, but is only able to give the bare minimum to getting it done.

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    lol probably because it’s just not that funny! I would have laughed, but only from being surprised 😄

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    #110

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    kaiteasley Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you are cutting out caffeine you have to do it slooow. Used to get severe weekend headaches because of how much I drank at work and not at weekends. Caffeine drinkers can now vote me down as much as they like. Feel way better without it.

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel great without caffeine. I can go days without it. Unless I want to get out of bed.

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    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would this make the whole Internet laugh out loud? It's an utterly common, ordinary experience with no humorous elements, really. No.

    Bradley Roon
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Coffee is an extremely strong herb when roasted. Then it also becomes acidic - good environment for pathogens. It gets it's energy from you without replenishing any - so one can develop adrenal fatigue, sleep issues, etc. Loved the morning ritual ONLY because it gave me wife time as she was drinking coffee every morning for years and years before me. Now she is cutting it out for the first time in decades to help her sleep and lymph issues...

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    #111

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    thetigersez Report

    Anne Reid
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    True! I was behind an old lady who had her electric wheelchair’s basket full with a 6 pack of beer, a bag of pretzels and some beef jerky. I was impressed. Told her so, and she turned around, noticed we were both wearing NY Football Giants shirts & high fived me. My new role model!

    Ruth Beaty
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey, if you make it to 80 you can do whatever the hell you want!

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandmother drank two glasses of port every night before bed for decades. Her doctors all said it contributed much to her longevity and health.

    #112

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Very good. Here's an exercise tip: Spanx, full circuit on and off, are the equivalent of half an hour of hard-core aerobics and weight training.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It counts! Exercise is exercise!

    Marnee DeRider
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I will gladly remove my upvote from all the other posts in this thread and give it to this one!

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    #113

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    agerenesh Report

    Lady A
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mrs. Obama showing so much interest, it's lovely.

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    THIS is a first lady. Or a president. Just sayin'...

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    #115

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SCbchbum Report

    karen snyder
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandmother, who raised five daughters on a tight budget, lined their undergarment drawers with perfume ads. It's become a sort of tradition for the later generations of girls; when you get your first bra, you get to smell like Coco Mademoiselle or whatever mom's got in her magazines, but only under your clothes.

    Lady A
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Free sample from Sephora!

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😂😂😂

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    #117

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jcarmon24 Report

    Sheila Gaylord
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sweet in a way. But creepy in another.

    Sharon Ingram
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s amazing in so many ways.

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    #119

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    GloriaFallon123 Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    :) I don't know, wasn't her university sport the official rowing team screamer?

    #120

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    dpao__ Report

    Mark
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The worse part is having to fill it up again, don't know anyone who likes getting fuel.

    Wiggity
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    On the upside, you do get to sniff gas fumes for a few minutes.

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    Nataliia Portillo
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In Mexico, the gas stations have employees that pump the gas for you so you just chill in your car while they fill you up, clean your windshield, check oil, tires etc. Rain or shine, its the best.

    Desiré Yen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Try living in South Africa where the fuel/gas price goes up every month 😣

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I lived in a neighborhood that had an old-school full-service gas station. I paid 20 cents more per gallon just because it was so great. They would check my tires including my spare, radiator, oil, brake and transmission fluid, belts, clean all the windows and side-mirrors, and check the windshield wiper blades and wipe them off. The place was on my route to/from work, and right next to the best neighborhood market. It was so easy and stress-free. I got to know the owner and employees, and they also did great oil changes and mechanic work. I wish all gas stations did this.

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    #121

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    elenughh Report

    Marina Rios
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looks like a Face ID make while trying to annoy my sisters kids

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes. Yes. Yes.Yes. I'd say, you're Sappy.

    Ruth Beaty
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do we need to check our meds level??

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's almost as versatile as the word, "Dude"....

    Natalie C
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looks like my driver's license.

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I HATE that emoji! Lol. It’s so ugly and unrealistic.

    Nora AlMeida
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I believe Meowton meant that many emojis are reminiscent of actual facial expressions that humans make, while this one simply doesn’t, and it is not even good to look at, either.

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    alwright
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have never agreed more.

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    #122

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ollietttaa Report

    João Ferreira
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A bighead can still be full of empty space.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a double helping of Cold.

    Marnee DeRider
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Manager has a point. Nobody should be finding out about something like that at work.

    Alex K
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dear brother, My co-worker started crying because her boyfriend broke up with her through a text message, and our manager said "that's why we stay off our phones at work" . Laughing my a*s off, the short one isn't excrement. In tears, your loving sister, BIGHEAD

    SeamusRGN
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    translation: "hey guys. my coworker started to cry becuase her boyfriend ended their relationship via text message and my manager actually said 'that is why we dont use our phones at work' isnt that amusing? my manager is unimpressive"

    anarkzie
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How does she know that's what her managers going to say?

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s slang. That’s what the manager did say.

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    Mixedupste
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    please speak English!

    Hannah McGowen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How is she not speaking, I mean, typing in English? Colloquialism and slang are still words, and are still English even if you're not familiar with them.

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    #123

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    rgay Report

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i bought a mini succulent garden in a bowl, kept watering it once in a while until i found out it was plastic, took me weeks.

    Emlyn Vo
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i was at a hotel once and they had a jar of dead succulents

    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never give up hoping for a miracle

    #124

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    _bybuku Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Basil Fawlty: Zoom! What was that? That was your life, Mate! That was quick, do I get another? Sorry, Mate. Back to the world of dreams. Yes, dear?

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    #125

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    charstarlene Report

    Ruth Beaty
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Visiting my family, mother decides I have to take one of my sea shells back with me. The. Biggest. One. The look on the TSA agents face when I tried explaining i collected them for years but left them when I had to move and my mother insisted I take it back with me...I gave up and just said "My mother...".

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We understand you girl. We've all got moms.

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    #126

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ErinChack Report

    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For those that are curious...it's the day that the last Russian Czar recognized female independence.

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    US are one of very few countries to write the date with the month first. To me that is the 3 August. Most countries use a size order of day, month, year or year, month, day. I cant find out why US don't. Anyone know?

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t know why. We are just weird here overall.

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    #127

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    C.W
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Young Justice reference?😜

    Nataliia Portillo
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "- I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed. But can you ever just be whelmed? - I think you can in Europe"

    CelSlade
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    why did this make me giggle so much? XD

    #128

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    CampbellxEmma Report

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Spider-cat, spider-cat

    Alex K
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    well, don't masturbate in that room

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    #129

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AnnieMcTweet Report

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    #130

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    curlycomedy Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe she's been made to feel ugly, worthless, or hopeless without lying about it?

    Larkin Elliott (student)
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s about plastic sugery, Like if they said I was just born with such a perfect nose then they might be lying.

    #131

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SCbchbum Report

    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And you're two friends are lying their asses off.....

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If she's leaving crumbs, she's not eating cake right.

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you’re vegan you kinda have to plan meals because otherwise the only readily available vegan foods are usually Asian / Chinese food restaurants or having to go all the way to the store when you only have a lunch break at work.

    #132

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    TheWriterJess Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Oww, starting off with a blatant smart-a*s chip on the shoulder is not a good way to get your foot in the door. Be professional, and politely avoid the question until they make an offer--just like a guy would know how to do.

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    #133

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Manda_like_wine Report

    Nancy Baldauf
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...or a Bored Panda list with 385 belly laughs...

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    #134

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jennyhan Report

    Mark
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I don't get with LOTR is all through the first two movies they are a long way away from Mt.Doom, half way through the third movie they are still a long way away and then suddenly they are there!

    Red Pantone
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Im finishing reading the books, and I love the movies but they miss a lot of parts which leads to ypu thinking :( it's sad that we missed so many delightful details but if they added them, each movie would be twice as long

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    #135

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    LizHackett Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    You obviously missed the message he was giving you.

    #136

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    MandiHarris Report

    Binxyminxem
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah the joys of boobs! When I used to go out clubbing I came home and my necklace was gone, I was thinking aaah where's my necklace cause it was a birthday gift and then found it in my cleavage lol!

    Jade Lorreni
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm flatchested so cant hide/find anything in my boobs

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    LittleGrayMouse
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Taking off your bra after going to the cinema leads to many surprises too...

    Nikki D
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once woke up with a quarter or nickel in my bra and 3 perfect red circles tracking it's progress through the night

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i once found a stabilo boss highlighter hiding in there :D

    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When was the last time you changed your bra?

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Am I the only one who finds that sickening?

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    #137

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    JenniferJokes Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, that's quite the self-defeating tactic.

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    #138

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    Jo Shakeel
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wore one on a 5 hour flight with kids in tow, not the best idea i’ve had.

    #139

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    elle91 Report

    Squidward tortellini
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or have to go to the bathroom as soon as you get comfortable.

    ispeak catanese
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why stand when you can sit? And why sit when you can lie down?

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    Cheryl Forbes
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or you left the remote control in the bathroom after a quick pee.

    #140

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    KarenKilgariff Report

    Jason Doakes
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Writing rage letters is therapy, you don't have to send it.... Sooo many Tweets have not been sent...

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder if a certain Resident of the United States has any unsent tweets.

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    Darryl Kerrigan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who doesn’t like ranting! Love is when you find someone who hates the same things etc….

    Zori the degu
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You are not alone, don't worry! :)

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    #141

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mckellogs Report

    Lynn Noyes
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not as interesting as it sounds. It's about how to raise ducks and make a profit. It is available on Amazon.

    C.W
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have so many questions now.

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    #142

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    RaxKingIsDead Report

    Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    me watching great British bakeoff: she should have used unsweetened coconut! me baking at home: why the hell won't this chocolate marshmallow icing solidify?

    #143

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    erinmallorylong Report

    Wil Vanderheijden
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you're an End User License Agreement I haven't got time for you.

    #144

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    eff_yeah_steph Report

    Christine K
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is anyone down voting this comment? Is it offensive or something??

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    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Took me five minutes to figure out he has a dog....

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    #145

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    imteddybless Report

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    #146

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    1SarahRose Report

    Nikki D
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is this sorcery? Also looks like a fire hazard!

    Nancy Baldauf
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always thought they were on the dark side of the moon.

    #147

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    miss_meaux Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lucky them. They have built in angst because of their competition. They don't need to manufacture drama to keep the heat up like the rest of us.

    Hannah McGowen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I saw them skating earlier this year, I was SHOOK. They're amazing! ✨

    #148

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Audreyrosenstei Report

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cheeky fella. My dog uses my leg as an armrest like that.

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Letting him sit on the "people furniture" (sofa) is Mistake Number 1.

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    #149

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    KimKierkegaard Report

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have to learn this skill...

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    #151

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    sydneyankee Report

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    #153

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    annetdonahue Report

    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For me it's like "Oh, it must be the Olympics because Google changed their logo to something sporty."

    Christine K
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I laughed too hard at "athleticism is my currency"

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    #154

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    diopter Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You wouldn't think that "birch" would be such a commonly-used word as to come up in auto-correct at all.

    #155

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    kpfeffss Report

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    #157

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Elizasoul80 Report

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A smile is a smile!

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    #158

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    akilahgreen Report

    Hannah McGowen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My hard-to-spell word is 'restaurant'! ✨

    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can never get maintenance right 1st time

    CrunChewy McSandybutt
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definitely. I forget the second "e" every time.

    Kitkat
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    until fifth grade, i spelled idea I D I A

    Gelo
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    mine is" tomorrow". hahahaha

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    #159

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    crissles Report

    Cazzy Bauer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Summer: no matter what time you get up or go to bed, the Sun is just out there judging you

    #160

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    pronounced_ing Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ha ha ha ... but uh, I say that a lot too....

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    #161

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    PerfectPending Report

    Leigh Cramer
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I sleep through the night and if I wake up and see my alarm hasn't gone off yet, I go back to sleep.

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    #162

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SamanthaMatt1 Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have that with some asparagus and you won't need an entire apartment, just one small room.

    #163

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    notclarinet Report

    Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my friend who's a teacher had a similar incident w/one of her 8 year old students thinking her picture of Hugh Laurie was her husband. I'd be all "yeah, I wish, kid"

    #164

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    lexialvrz Report

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    #166

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ka_waltz Report

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mindy, maybe Kimmy just sees it as a development of language. Or just gets lazy moments too.

    Mindy Keys
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    You have a B.S. in linguistics yet you use 'u' for the word you, and no capitalization? Hmm.

    #167

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    GMPaiella Report

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    me: "i didn't do [stuff] I forgot since I must have lost the note" boss: "you should really try this planning app, we can also share the tasks" me: "seriously??? how the hell am i supposed to skip tasks by saying i lost the notes then???"

    Cyd Charisse
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How about crossing it off, simply because it’s been on there too long and is no longer relevant?

    #168

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ashleyaustrew Report

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    #169

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AtsukoComedy Report

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    #170

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Luvvie Report

    Amanda Grimm
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then on the third day, tupperware is plentiful - but there are no lids. On the fourth day, all lids - no tupperware.

    Nancy Baldauf
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You must not have noticed the 2 in the back, reproducing.

    #171

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    #172

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    annetdonahue Report

    rena
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not sure if she means the old lady in the back.

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your friend wearing a dress which doesn't allow for upper arm movement... you are royal now.

    Anouk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's the sweetest photo.

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    #173

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BrandyLJensen Report

    Hapee Pupee
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's so easy. Like this: 1. Introduction: Tell them what you are going to tell them. 2. Body of Essay: Tell them. 3. Conclusion: Remind them what you just told them.

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It helps to be born into a family where that was the norm. Much harder otherwise, but has been done, millions of times.

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    #175

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    yenniwhite Report

    Nancy Baldauf
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you'd ever been to a nude beach, you would realize how true this is.

    Isabel Care
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    some of us just resemble a beach master

    #176

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    MichelleHux Report

    Anne
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    so.. you just keep getting more fun!

    Marnee DeRider
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm confused. What is an "edible"? Isn't "edible" an adjective?

    Matt Richardson
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Delicious either way and leaves you feeling happy?

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    #177

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    curlycomedy Report

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    #178

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    adult_mom Report

    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hangry..the word you're looking for is hangry!

    #180

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    keelyflaherty Report

    Anne
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that... can be taken the wrong way...

    Nikol Böhmová
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I laughed at your comment more then this post :D

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    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does she think she’s supposed to act like an old fart in her 20’s? That’s... not accurate at all, to put it nicely.

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    #182

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    a_pfeiffer13 Report

    #183

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    kashanacauley Report

    Alexandra Hughes
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did with her dresses too--you'd have thought it burned me, I pulled my hand away so fast.

    #184

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    LizHackett Report

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    #185

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Kristen_Arnett Report

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    #187

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    nicolewboyce Report

    #188

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AngryBlackLady Report

    Shari H
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was a kid my mom said cake for breakfast was perfectly acceptable because doughnuts and pancakes.

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    #190

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    okaysham Report

    Wiggity
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was this taken during an earthquake? The blurry Picasso-esque nightmare where the face should be says yes, but the creepy dolls still perfectly upright on the shelves says no.......unless she nailed their feet to the shelves.......which seems more and more probable the longer I look at her.

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think probably it's one of those applications that distorts your photo like a funhouse mirror. Mac has one built-in, I believe.

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    diane a
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    some people just don't photograph well - lol

    #191

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    krushedit Report

    John Montgomery
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Half of my days off are in a normal work week. Every other week they're also on the full weekend. That's what happens with shift work.

    Gary Ch
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In 44 years of employment only 5 of them did NOT include a Saturday and/or Sunday. Law enforcement is a 24/7/365 job.

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    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Take days off during the week and work on the weekend instead. That’s what I do and I couldn’t be happier about it.

    FleurTangClan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The parents of the children I teach didn't really seem on board when I suggested it...

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    #193

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    sammynickalls Report

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    #194

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    annetdonahue Report

    #196

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jodecicry Report

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    #197

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    deelalz Report

    Abby Rexroth
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same here, I die a little everyday at my job.

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    #198

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    CultOfBambi
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah, life is like a roll of toilet paper - the closer to the end you get, the faster it unravels.

    Ilyanna
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My life is shorter than I thought it would be then

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    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Usually those things come with a guide, in my experience.

    #200

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ejnoodles Report

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    #201

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Nikki D
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dusting everyday is impossible. I mean, it is possible, I just won't.

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    #202

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Kendragarden Report

    #204

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    farwzz Report

    Aileen Grist
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got married on my birthday - I'd be upset if he forgot our anniversary - and there is no way anyone I know will forget my birthday, I count down for weeks.

    Abby Rexroth
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We don't want gifts we just want recognition that we are here.

    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I thought Bored Panda is a fun site. Why is this anti-American and men-hating self-centered idiot here? She's not even funny.

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    #205

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Jean Jacket
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And whatever crumbs fall to my floor as I take off my bra

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    #208

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    FinalBossFemme Report

    Kim Addleton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Age 5: I DONT WANT A NAP! Age 40: I want a nap.

    Leah Curtis
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    me: age 10: I want Doritos age 15: I want Doritos age 20: I want Doritos age 25: I want Doritos age 30: I want Doritos

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    #209

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Duchess______ Report

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Enter "Pawnhoppers". The knights move like pawns but the pawns all move like knights.

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    #210

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    amanda_c_rae Report

    C.W
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've never had this problem?? The only time I didn't like it was when I got one from McDonald's. Drank it anyway.

    Wil Vanderheijden
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're supposed to drink coffee when it's hot. Iced coffee is a desecration.

    #211

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    msmollyebrown Report

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    #212

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    barbieenriquezz Report

    #213

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    adult_mom Report

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    #214

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SardonicTart Report

    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was in the hospital room after giving birth to our first child, my husband turns to me and says "Do you want me to go get you a cheeseburger?" I love this guy!!

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i brought sushi to my friend after she gave birth :D (she's very fond of it)

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    #215

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    peachy____queen Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes to the sleeping thing, but wtf with this guy?

    C.W
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not sure if on purpose or...? Either way, I didn't need to see it. He should've put those things away before leaving the house!😂

    #216

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    marrowing Report

    #217

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    natweewriter Report

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    #220

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    choo_ek Report

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    #222

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    dstfelix Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    On your way to becoming one with Nutella.

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    #223

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    #224

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mayygg Report

    #225

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    waouwwaouw Report

    karen snyder
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did you also have a ten pound freezer bag of pineapple fried rice? They x-rayed it, probed it and swabbed it for explosives. I've never been looked at like that, by a man in uniform, in my life. Sorry TSA but I need that much food if my broke a*s is gonna survive the two seven hour flights and three hour layover to get home for Christmas.

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    #226

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    bex_bambi Report

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    #227

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    sbellelauren Report

    Anne
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did this once on purpose.. it ruined the whole experience..

    thepotatogirl
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't like ketchup, I dip my fries in barbecue sauce

    John Montgomery
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Should be ranch instead of ketchup.

    #228

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Shari H
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need a new grocery store, mine plays Nickelback and Coldplay.

    Ilyanna
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would love that. All we get is new pop and Spanish music, I need something new....

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    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope. Be making for the exit.

    #229

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Kendragarden Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sleeping hanging upside down like a bat is always tempting. Good hair and dying vs. flat and frizzy..hmmmm.

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    #230

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    INDIEWASHERE Report

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    #231

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ziwe Report

    Alex K
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that looks so comfy. does it come in adult sizes? i swear babies don't appreciate what they're living. we chase our baby to get to sleep , and he doesnt wanna, while we beg for a wink

    #232

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    EscapologistFi Report

    #233

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    annetdonahue Report

    Nikki D
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't stop tearing up omg my favorite childhood movie.

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    #234

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ArielDumas Report

    C.W
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Buttered noodles, IMO, are delicious!! Different strokes for different folks.

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Buttered noodles sounds disgusting.

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    #235

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    deelalz Report

    #236

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    LucyMangan Report

    #237

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    smithsara79 Report

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    #238

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    taylortrudon Report

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    UK doctor said he routinely doubles the amount patients tell him they drink. Which means you have to tell them half of the real amount. They make us lie!

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    #239

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    MaryNumair Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And what lost tribe has he recently joined?

    #240

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mayabinyam Report

    Erika Jones
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unfortunately, at grocery stores you tend to run into other people.

    Jean Jacket
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    True.. going late at night is kinda nice though! Quiet and almost deserted!

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    Abby Rexroth
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like the Hobart dishwasher @ work more than some people!

    #241

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AngelaHanks Report

    Gwinevere von Ludwig
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    oh, the lack of self-awareness. it's magical.

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    #244

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    MaraWilson Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ten years younger than "Water gave me heartburn."

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    #246

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ohJuliatweets Report

    Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know who half those people are and I wish I didn't know who the rest of them are.

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    #247

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mariskreizman Report

    #248

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jruthmitch Report

    #249

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    TajHughes Report

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    #250

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    katiehannigan Report

    Jo Johannsen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe they should install a revolving door on the staff entrance? And one of those humongous fire department pillows for soft landings when booted out.

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    #251

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jillboard Report

    #252

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Kendragarden Report

    #253

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    DanaSchwartzzz Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would someone be proud of acting so childishly?

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey! Who downvoted someone still having piglet???? Kudos Darryl.

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    #254

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Birdhumms Report

    Kristin Roedell
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First thought: Thomas Hardy was the author of a number of classics, including The Mayor of Casterbridge. I have now justified the $120,000 I spent for my English Lit degree. At last.

    I-ate-all-the-cheese
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ahh Tom Hardy! The only man I want, but only if he brings dogs! His wife is awesome as well, he could bring her, s**t they have kids too, I guess they can come. I am not about home wrecking!

    C.W
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My friend didn't know who Tom Hiddleston was. I was like 😨. But she's a DC comics fan. Hopefully she's more familiar with him, now that he's everywhere.

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I googled him and he doesn’t look familiar at all. I don’t think I’ve seen any of his movies.

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    #255

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    #256

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    geekylonglegs Report

    #257

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mariskreizman Report

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    #260

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    radioheadass Report

    #261

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jillboard Report

    Bored Birgit
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeees, this is so me. Been to bed last new year's eve at 11pm.

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    #262

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    eiffeltyler Report

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    #263

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    pangmeli Report

    #264

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    LucyMangan Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not having children, and actually enjoying time with your husband.

    #265

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or even pull out of the driveway. I speak from experience.

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    #266

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    thistimeitsmimi Report

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    #267

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BrotiGupta Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Welcome to the wide world of stereotypes. At least no one calls the police when they're eating in a Smith College break room or swimming in their apartment building pool or or or...

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least none of that c**p happens on GoT.

    #269

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    LizHackett Report

    Jo Johannsen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have gotten sunburned while sitting in shade way too many times.

    Pittsburgh rare
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I so relate to this being a pale brunette

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    #270

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    IssaRae Report

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    #271

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    anne_theriault Report

    #272

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    akilahgreen Report

    Cat on a bike
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lobster goood, cheddar goood, biscuit baaad!

    #273

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mad_hill Report

    Binxyminxem
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now that's what I call a pamper day!

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    me and my friend all the time! spend a day at a spa, topped up with a humongous dinner and PLENTY of drinks :D

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    #275

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Duchess______ Report

    #276

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Duchess______ Report

    Desiré Yen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel the pain, I hate having 2 backs 😫

    #277

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ashleyn1cole Report

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    #278

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    curlycomedy Report

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Raisin date granola in banana yogurt is fabulous.

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whuh? It’s the best thing for breakfast!!!

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    #279

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    rachsyme Report

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    #282

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    rgay Report

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    #283

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    TheWriterJess Report

    Vicki AKA v23474
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think this has posted twice, but I love the comments on this one better...

    #284

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ashleyn1cole Report

    Naima Ivansdóttir
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    who on their right mind would ask for a chip that crunches less. NOBODY, that's WHO

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Chips you can eat in movie theaters and in bed in the middle of the night when you're not alone: how did I get grease stains on my pajamas?

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    #285

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    curlycomedy Report

    Anne Reid
    Community Member
    7 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really? I’m 43 & I’ve never had any microwave smell like that, either at home or work. Even when ppl at work microwaved hot dogs!

    Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my microwave doesn't smell like hot dogs, largely because I've never cooked a hot dog in it

    Carol Harrison
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Perhaps it's a symptom. Like when people who are having a stroke smell toast.

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    #286

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    chrissyteigen Report

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    #287

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ChloeAngyal Report

    #289

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    caitlinmoran Report

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    #291

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    nayele18maybe Report

    #293

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    quintabrunson Report

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    #294

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    MsLeaSalonga Report

    ArchangelLoki
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's me. I'm 22. If it's cold, my left knee hurts. If it's damp, my right knee hurts. Its my very own Pinkie Sense. A Painful Pinkie Sense.

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    #295

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    jodecicry Report

    #296

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    MaraWilson Report

    Binxyminxem
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me too! I got some in a gift box, they were roasted and covered in chocolate truffle and dusted with cocoa powder, very moreish! And almonds Andrew good for you too so it's a win win 😊😋

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    #301

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    kelllicopter Report

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    #302

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    pigeoncrap Report

    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My neighbors daughter was dating a young man who spent most of his time trying to prove how macho he was. One day he comes up to me and says "Check this out" as he removes his shirt and turns around so I can see his latest tattoo...his last name etched across his shoulders. I said "Oh good. Now it will be easy for the cops to ID the body." His shoulders went limp and he pulled his shirt down..walking away to the rolling laughter of his girlfriend.

    Cat on a bike
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate that everybody looks in any meaning where none is. I have 10 tattoos because they look nice and I wanted to have them, thats all. Nooo meaning whatsoever. It goes like this: "oohh this is beautiful, I want it."

    Sasy
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did you ever get one because you were feeling particularly good or proud about something? Some people reward themselves with ink, use them as timelines to represent something. So while the tattoo may not mean something as a symbol, the person getting one the night of their 21st or their first paycheck after paying off a huge debt so it felt like freemoney to splurge, may mean something. A ble butterfly may not mean something so obvious either, but your Mums fsvourite colour might also be blue and you once found a butterfly as a kid and it was a moment....our minds are funny that way. However or why ever, sometimes the question is interest in you and or your story, make up a different answer each time, could be lots of fun, more elaborate the better.

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    #303

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BisHilarious Report

    #304

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    bimadew Report

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    #306

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    crissles Report

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    #307

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BisHilarious Report

    #308

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    IISuperwomanII Report

    #309

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    pronounced_ing Report

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    #311

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    DelilahSDawson Report

    #312

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    hellolanemoore Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s about as much thought as most parents give to this life-changing permanent commitment.

    seanemone
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    less cute and way more difficult when they're sullen moody teenagers...

    #313

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    eveewing Report

    Binxyminxem
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This makes me think of a video with the Swedish chef and the song Popcorn 😄

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    #314

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    juliacarriew Report

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    #316

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    perryjetaime Report

    #317

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    chrissyteigen Report

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    #318

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    quintabrunson Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This Quinta chick isn’t even a little bit funny.

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    #319

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    DanaSchwartzzz Report

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    #322

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    sbellelauren Report

    Kim Addleton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the US portion sizes are ridiculous. Rather than lower prices and give reasonable portion sizes they just charge more and super size it. I'm genuinely too full for dessert. And have enough leftovers on my plate for lunch the next day. If you ask for a half sized portion, you'll get it. For full orice. Ugh

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    #323

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    quintabrunson Report

    #324

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    khaleezy Report

    #325

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    paola__janet Report

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    #326

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    priestlysblunt Report

    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Young and Sweet, Only Seventeen

    Master Markus
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't get it. Why is the picture of the pope?

    Wil Vanderheijden
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the Roman Catholic church, being young and sweet is very dangerous for you.

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    #327

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    annetdonahue Report

    #328

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    iamlisako Report

    #329

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mindykaling Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s disgusting and it won’t fully catch on since the larger shapes / ray ban look is still in pop culture and magazines.

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a small face. I look like a child wearing mum's sunglasses with those larger shapes. 😎

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    #330

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    keelyflaherty Report

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    #331

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    karencheee Report

    #332

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    annetdonahue Report

    #333

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SomthinBoutSara Report

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    #334

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

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    #337

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    anylaurie16 Report

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    #338

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    beezeagles Report

    Grace H.
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I guess it's more of a dying but hey! money!

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    #341

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ginamei Report

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    #342

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    svershbow Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That sounds like it would smell disgusting

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    #343

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    crissles Report

    #344

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    radioheadass Report

    #345

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Amanda_d1234 Report

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guess it needs sound. OH is asleep and my earphones are buried at the back of my drawer.

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    #346

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    sandyhonig Report

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    #348

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BrotiGupta Report

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    #350

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    MaraWilson Report

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Click on to her twitter feed for better ones. Hilarious. Might have to watch british tv to get it, not sure about that.

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    #351

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    KrystieLYandoli Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well what are they supposed to do, put it back together? A broken ceiling is only interesting for like sixty seconds.

    seanemone
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    maybe get out of there, go sit on the stairs so the trains don't shake another chunk of ceiling on top of you?

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    Anne Reid
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yo, we *really* don’t give af, not sorry.

    #352

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    #353

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SardonicTart Report

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    #355

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    samimain Report

    Kim Addleton
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *Add, forgets to pee and you've narrated my entire life for the past 26 years.

    #357

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ashleyn1cole Report

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    #358

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    charstarlene Report

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    #359

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    taylortrudon Report

    #360

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    melissaradz Report

    #361

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    karencheee Report

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    #362

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    chrissyteigen Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because mermaids don’t have feet.

    Laugh Fan
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Might be analysing it just a bit too deeply.

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    #364

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    twelveoclocke Report

    #365

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AlannaBennett Report

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    #367

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ktzhu Report

    #368

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    msnastynut Report

    Cat on a bike
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In small to moderate doses of alcohol, the initial effects of alcohol act like a stimulant. How much do you drink??

    #369

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ellle_em Report

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    #370

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ziwe Report

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    #371

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    iSmashFizzle Report

    #372

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BisHilarious Report

    #373

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    fionaleslie Report

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    #374

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mollypriddy Report

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    #375

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BySarahKhan Report

    #376

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    #377

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

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    #378

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    karencheee Report

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    #379

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    Kendragarden Report

    #380

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    #381

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    thisisjendoll Report

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    #382

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    farwzz Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What about Cancer? He seemed like a cancer. I don’t believe horoscopes, just playing along with what I know about the zodiac.

    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The fictional character Ross Eustace Geller (not Gellar) was born on October 18, 1967, which makes him a Libra. There seems to be no room for a joke.

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    #384

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ashleyn1cole Report

    Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a liberal woman who's older than 39 and I wouldn't want to go to Iceland.

    #385

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mindykaling Report

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    #386

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    AlannaBennett Report

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    #387

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    TheSofiya Report

    #388

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    annetdonahue Report

    #389

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    samlymatters Report

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    #391

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    honeydekes Report

    #392

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ReelQuinn Report

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    #394

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    quintabrunson Report

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    #395

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    chrissyteigen Report

    #396

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    pronounced_ing Report

    #397

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    thepriyaarora Report

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    #398

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    taylortrudon Report

    Gwinevere von Ludwig
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yes, and they are 10 years younger than the girls who moved here because of "Sex and the City"

    Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I understand why "Sex and the City" was such a popular show, its whole message was that it's easy to get lots of men even if you have a lousy personality and look like a shaved camel.

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    #399

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    mindykaling Report

    #400

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    waouwwaouw Report

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    #402

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    taylortrudon Report

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    #403

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    marrowing Report

    #404

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    SardonicTart Report

    #405

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    rachelysanders Report

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    #406

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    sammynickalls Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol except when you come up you look withered and aged

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    #407

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    ledbettercarly Report

    #408

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    chrissyteigen Report

    #409

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    kashanacauley Report

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    #410

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    aparnapkin Report

    Meowton Mewsk
    Community Member
    7 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Men adopted the “I’m fine” routine 😑

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    #411

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    BeeBabs Report

    #412

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    JabinSerene Report

    #413

    Funniest-Woman-Tweets-2018

    kashanacauley Report

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