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People Question Why Husband Is Upset About FIL Coming To Visit At 1AM: “Ridiculously Petty”
The holiday season is the time of travel. And not for vacations, but mostly to each other’s homes. The AAA projected that more than 119 million Americans will be traveling 50 miles or more from home for the year-end holidays.
The father-in-law in this story was traveling to his daughter’s family’s home as well but caused drama because of his late arrival hour. Worrying about unwanted noises that could potentially wake up the kids, the dad asked the Internet if he was a jerk to make the FIL come at a more reasonable hour.
RELATED:
A dad worried his FIL coming to visit for Christmas at 1 AM would wake up the kids
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
He and his wife disagreed over whether his request was reasonable or not
Image credits: rekaolya / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BubbaKushFFXIV
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
House guest etiquette applies even when you’re staying with family members
The year-end holidays are the time when many people drive home to their families. Whether it’s to their parents, children, or extended family, many of us will be guests at somebody else’s home for the holidays.
But just because it’s family doesn’t mean we can play by our own rules with house guest etiquette. Etiquette experts at The Emily Post Institute warn that rules to family members as well: “Guest manners are called for, even when you stay with relatives.” They advise not to make your visit longer than three nights. As the famous saying by Benjamin Franklin goes, guests, just like fish, start to stink after a few days.
Lifestyle magazine Southern Living has a couple of rules for house guests as well. They recommend preparing for your visit by bringing something for the hosts and communicating any needs, restrictions, and preferences. Guests also shouldn’t bring unexpected guests or pets if that wasn’t communicated to the hosts earlier. And when packing, they should also go light: heavy suitcases and overflowing totes will only inconvenience hosts.
TV host Samantha Brown says that house guests shouldn’t make the hosts cater to their every whim. “Never be that guest that makes your host regret agreeing to be a host. Practice flexibility and do not be demanding,” she recommends.
She and other etiquette experts emphasize the importance of informing the hosts of your arrival and departure times. “Be very clear when you are arriving and when you are leaving,” Brown writes. Give as clear an itinerary as you can.”
Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)
We can survive the holidays with family by having realistic expectations and setting firm boundaries
The holidays can be a stressful time for many, but especially for those who don’t particularly enjoy spending time with their relatives. A 2022 survey showed that Americans tolerate less than four hours with their family. After that, many would prefer to have at least a short break.
Those who have strained relationships with their family and aren’t sure how to get through Christmas can think about it as a few days off for self-care. At least, that’s what therapist Louise Tyler suggests to her patients. “Have realistic expectations, for one – it’s just one day,” she told Stylist. “It can be what you want it to be; it doesn’t always have to be about sitting around playing happy families.”
It’s difficult, but we have to set firm boundaries with family members we have difficult relationships with. “It’s OK to limit visits,” Tyler went on. “It’s OK to leave early; It’s OK to step away. It’s OK to say no to invitations.”
Psychiatrist and behavioral medical director at Scripps Thomas C. Lian, MD, recommends having realistic expectations, too. “Minimize your contact with difficult relatives, and spend more time interacting with people you like,” he emphasized. Lian also added that you should try to focus on the positive aspects and characteristics of your family members instead of the negative ones.
Interestingly, more and more people are choosing to spend the holidays without their families. When The Guardian asked its readers how they would spend Christmas this year, some of them said they chose to spend the year-end holidays without the stress of strained family relationships. Instead, people are making new traditions with friends and even neighbors.
The man clarified that the FIL can be “heavy footed and generally not great at being quiet”
Yet people still thought that this whole disagreement was because he simply disliked his FIL
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What do you think ?
Michael MacKinnon 11 months ago
As someone whose parents used to drive us long distances for Christmas visits, the logistics sound weird: to arrive at 1 A.M. after a 20 hour drive he would have to be starting at...maybe 5 A.M. the previous day (so, already short of sleep)? And going through the Richmond / DC area during rush hour, when traffic is the worst? Like, what are you thinking? Setting aside all the family dynamics, it makes more sense to leave at 10:30 / 11:00 A.M. after a good night's rest, go through the DC to NYC stretch in the middle of the night when there's the least traffic and arrive at the start of the next day.
Michael MacKinnon 11 months ago
...To complete the thought, the weird departure and arrival times suggest that someone is indeed trying to be deliberately inconvenient here, and it's not the original poster.
Load More Replies...
Janissary35680 11 months ago
FIL & SIL do not get along and are probably trying to get up each others' noses. 🐽🐽
Nils Skirnir 11 months ago
If folks would have read the article, they would’ve seen that a likely 65+ yr old is planning to drive 20 hrs straight. Unacceptable and dangerous. OP is kinda AHish bec he could have stressed this. I’ve never been selfish enough to arrive somewhere at 1am.
2x4b523p 11 months ago (edited)
I’ve done 20 hour drive when I was 25 and just quit a job as a delivery driver. I thought it will be easy peasy. Nope, had to find motel and sleep halfway through. I could have done it but I could feel my attention slipping. Turns out driving all day when hopping out every 5 minutes is completly different than constant driving with occasional short break.
Load More Replies...
Michael MacKinnon 11 months ago
As someone whose parents used to drive us long distances for Christmas visits, the logistics sound weird: to arrive at 1 A.M. after a 20 hour drive he would have to be starting at...maybe 5 A.M. the previous day (so, already short of sleep)? And going through the Richmond / DC area during rush hour, when traffic is the worst? Like, what are you thinking? Setting aside all the family dynamics, it makes more sense to leave at 10:30 / 11:00 A.M. after a good night's rest, go through the DC to NYC stretch in the middle of the night when there's the least traffic and arrive at the start of the next day.
Michael MacKinnon 11 months ago
...To complete the thought, the weird departure and arrival times suggest that someone is indeed trying to be deliberately inconvenient here, and it's not the original poster.
Load More Replies... Janissary35680 11 months ago
FIL & SIL do not get along and are probably trying to get up each others' noses. 🐽🐽
Nils Skirnir 11 months ago
If folks would have read the article, they would’ve seen that a likely 65+ yr old is planning to drive 20 hrs straight. Unacceptable and dangerous. OP is kinda AHish bec he could have stressed this. I’ve never been selfish enough to arrive somewhere at 1am.
2x4b523p 11 months ago (edited)
I’ve done 20 hour drive when I was 25 and just quit a job as a delivery driver. I thought it will be easy peasy. Nope, had to find motel and sleep halfway through. I could have done it but I could feel my attention slipping. Turns out driving all day when hopping out every 5 minutes is completly different than constant driving with occasional short break.
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