Man Realizes He Can’t Cope With The Cultural Gap Between Him And GF Over Family, Walks Away

Technology has made the modern world smaller. When we can reach the most remote point on the globe in just a couple of hours, when we can meet people from any culture on the street, this actually makes our lives more interesting. But, at the same time, it sometimes makes our lives even more complicated.

The narrator of our story today, the user u/throwaway51525354550, dated a woman of Middle Eastern culture in the US for several years. They were planning to tie the knot… but his fiancée’s attitude toward marriage and family led the man to a difficult, but perhaps right, decision. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.

More info: Reddit

It’s quite sad when a person has to choose between love and traditions, but many people do pick traditions first

Two women in headscarves sharing a heartfelt conversation as the fiancé overhears feeling crushed and ignored.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The author of the post had been dating the woman called Rosa since their senior year at the college, and they were ready to get married

Man overhears fiancée telling best friend he's just background, feeling crushed by her confession.

Text excerpt describing a fiancé expressing love for his fiancée, unaware she sees him as just background.

Text excerpt about a woman and her best friend discussing family values and cultural background.

Text about a woman telling her bestie that her fiancé is just background while he overhears and feels crushed.

Text excerpt showing a woman overhearing her fiancé described as just background during a conversation with her best friend.

Text excerpt showing a woman confessing to her bestie that her fiancé is just background, with him overhearing and feeling crushed.

Text on a screen describing emotional hurt from a woman confessing her fiancé is just background while he overhears.

Man sitting on bed looking thoughtful and crushed after overhearing woman confess to bestie about her fiancé background role.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

However, one day the man overheard Rosa’s words addressed to her female bestie, that parents and siblings were number one for her, and all the others were just “background”

Text excerpt about a woman telling her bestie that her fiancé is just background and its emotional impact.

Text screenshot showing a heartfelt confession and overheard feelings about a fiancé being just background in a relationship.

Text on screen showing a woman confessing to her bestie that her fiancé is just background and he overhears, feeling crushed.

Text on a white background reading I didn't say anything to her after she said that but took my pillow to go sleep in another room.

Text excerpt about a woman confessing to her bestie while her fiancé overhears, feeling crushed by the revelation.

Text excerpt showing a woman confessing her fiancé is just background, overheard by a crushed man.

Text post showing a man questioning his future wife's love as he overhears her calling him background.

Image credits: throwaway51525354550

Woman confesses to bestie as her fiancé listens nearby, feeling crushed and hurt in an intimate bedroom setting.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The man then asked his fiancée about this, and she confirmed that in her cultural traditions, family is the first, and the husband will be just one among equals

Woman confesses to bestie that her fiancé is just background as he overhears and feels crushed.

Text conversation showing a woman confessing to her bestie that her fiancé is just background and he overhears the talk.

Woman confesses to bestie that fiancé is just background as he overhears and feels crushed by the revelation.

Woman appears concerned while talking to her bestie, revealing her fiancé feels like background as he overhears them.

Woman confesses to bestie about fiancé being background, fiancé overhears and feels crushed during conversation.

Woman confesses to bestie that her fiancé is just background as he overhears their heartfelt conversation.

Text showing a woman confessing to her bestie about her fiancé being just background, overheard and causing heartbreak.

Woman confesses to bestie about fiancé being just background as fiancé overhears and feels crushed.

Woman in hijab leaning on man while they both smile, highlighting fiancé as just background in their relationship discussion

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The man was incredibly hurt by these words, because for him, Rosa was the unanimous number one

Text showing a man realizing his fiancé treats him as just background and is crushed overhearing a confession conversation.

Text image with a question about love and disagreement, illustrating a woman confessing her fiancé is just background as he overhears.

Text excerpt showing a woman confessing her fiancé is just background while her bestie listens and feels crushed.

Text excerpt discussing a woman confessing her fiancé is just background while he overhears the heartbreaking moment.

Text of a woman planning to break up with her fiancé, feeling nervous as she shares an update with her bestie.

Text message confessing not competing for wife's love or close-knit family, planning to break up tomorrow, showing emotional conflict.

Image credits: throwaway51525354550

After some considerations, the man made a painful decision to part ways with his fiancée, not willing to fight for his wife’s love forever

This story happened ten years ago, so we don’t know how it ended for the Original Poster (OP), although he planned to break up with his fiancée. This woman, “Rosa,” had been his girlfriend since their senior year of college, and they planned to get married soon. Rosa’s numerous relatives hailed from the Middle East, and they weren’t unhappy that the author wasn’t an Arab.

And so, one fine evening, when Rosa’s female friend came over to her, our hero overheard his fiancée calmly say that for her, her parents and brothers would always come first, and everyone else was just background, including, apparently, her fiancée.

This caused the author incredible pain. He later asked Rosa directly what she meant when she said those words, which he overheard. Well, she answered, no less honestly, that her family would always come first for her, and that after she and the OP got married, he would come first too. But he would just share that first place with the rest of her close ones.

When, a couple of weeks later, our hero asked Rosa this question again, she repeated her words once more. The woman explained that these are the traditions of her people, and she has no intention of abandoning them. She loves the OP and wants to start a family with him, but he will still be just an equal among the rest of her extended family.

Young woman with a thoughtful expression confessing to her bestie about her fiancé, who is just background in her life.

Image credits: jet-po / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The history of the development of Middle Eastern nations truly brings the extended family to the forefront. Family ties here typically occurred horizontally, where blood kinship sometimes meant way more than marriage. Interaction between families in this cultural tradition means the concept of in-laws becomes a central part of the extended family unit, strengthening ties.

Therefore, it’s not surprising that Rose’s relatives, according to the original author, sometimes expressed outright displeasure that he lacked those roots and had no big family behind him. After all, not having a strong, numerous lineage behind you can sometimes be seen as a shortcoming.

“When sons and daughters marry, their spouse and spouse’s family become part of the main family, and that is called a hamula, or great family,” this dedicated article at Family Search explains. This has both pros and cons. On the one hand, family provides a person with constant support. On the other hand, there’s always the risk of being in the minority when making decisions.

This, incidentally, was precisely what the OP feared in an update to his post. The man admitted that, should any conflict arise, his future wife would likely side with her numerous family and not him. And he certainly didn’t want to fight for her love with other people. So, he ultimately decided to part ways with her. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with his decision?

Many cultural traditions from the Middle East put extended family over couples, and some commenters agreed with the man in his decision

Chat conversation showing woman confessing to bestie about fiancé being just background, fiancé overhears and feels crushed.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing marriage advice and the dangers of hoping for change to find happiness.

Comment on Reddit about a woman confessing her fiancé is just background, with a user hoping he breaks up with her.

Text post discussing a woman confessing to her bestie that her fiancé is just background, leaving him crushed.

Comment discussing a woman confessing her fiancé is just background as he overhears the painful revelation.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment about family conflict, reflecting emotions tied to a woman confessing fiancé is just background.

Screenshot of a Reddit post discussing feelings of being background in a relationship and family priorities.

Text post discussing a woman confessing to her bestie about her fiancé being just background, overheard and crushed.

Text conversation showing a woman telling her bestie that her fiancé is just background, while he overhears and feels crushed.

Reddit comment discussing cultural differences and relationship priorities between partners before marriage.

Text post on a social media platform discussing a woman confessing her fiancé is just background as he overhears.

Comment discussing relationship issues after a woman confesses to her bestie while fiancé overhears and feels crushed.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman confessing her fiancé is just background and he overhears it, feeling crushed.

Comment about woman confessing fiancé is background, while bestie and fiancé overhear, causing disappointment and red flags.

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