“How Is That Fair?”: Woman Left Torn On Whether To Intervene In Man’s “Test” On Fiancée

Oftentimes, it feels good to be entrusted with a secret. However, there are moments when it can become a burden that pushes you to spill the beans to keep your sanity. 

The author of today’s story experienced the latter when a friend confided in her about putting his fiancée’s motherhood skills to the test using a pet. Not only was it unfair, but the woman went through a period of misery and exhaustion to prove she was a suitable parent. 

Feeling conflicted about whether she should divulge the secret, the author asks the Reddit community for advice. 

Keeping a secret can sometimes be burdensome

Young dog with a toy in mouth outdoors, reflecting an old-timers method of testing a woman's nurturing skills.

Image credits: nygi / unsplash (not the actual photo)

A woman experienced this difficulty when a male friend confided in her about his fiancée

Text discussion about a fiancée being "tested" as a potential mother with a dog.

Text discussing a couple's engagement and relationship duration.

Text screenshot about a man named Rick working out of town, living with Amanda in their new apartment.

Text about a guy testing his fiancée's parenting skills by getting a high-energy dog.

Text from a story about testing fiancée's nurturing skills with a shepherd puppy.

Text discussing a woman's feelings after a man gets a dog to test her suitability as a mother.

Text describing a conversation about testing a fiancée's nurturing qualities using a dog.

Text discussing the "old timers way of testing a woman" by seeing her maternal potential through caring for dogs.

Text discussing readiness for children and family planning considerations.

Text discussing a man's method of testing his fiancée's motherhood abilities with a dog.

Text discussing how Rick tested Amanda for motherhood by observing her with a dog. Concerns raised about fairness.

Text discussing advice on whether Amanda's friends are overprotective in relationship.

Two women in a kitchen, one holding a mug, discussing the old timers way of testing a woman.

Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)

She later provided her reasons for why she put herself in the situation she was in

Text update about discussing Amanda's good mother potential.

Text discussing relationship advice and concerns about abusive dynamics.

Text describing a difficult friendship situation related to fears about losing a friend.

Text image discussing reaction to perceived abuse due to past experiences, illustrating old timers' way of testing relationships.

Text discussing gratitude and updates about helping a friend; relates to testing a woman with a dog.

Text update discussing a conversation with Amanda, influenced by advice from comments, about a sensitive topic.

Text about a conversation paraphrased regarding relationship dynamics and decision-making.

Text conversation about emotional honesty and understanding in a relationship test.

Text discussing accountability in understanding plans for parenting responsibilities.

Text from an article discussing testing a woman as a potential mother, highlighting support and friendship.

Text showing appreciation for support and useful wake-up calls, related to testing fiancée as a good mother.

Image credits: NoLion1030

Testing a partner may indicate a lack of trust

Image credits: Thirdman / pexels (not the actual photo)

Rick’s decision to “test” Amanda’s parenting skills using a pet dog may indicate that he doesn’t trust her enough. This is according to licensed marriage and family therapist Laurel Roberts-Meese, who adds that failing to address this issue may cause these cracks to grow bigger. 

As these problems worsen, both parties may fall into a deeper pit of doubt and continue to hide things from each other. As psychologist Rod Mitchell tells Ask Men, the couple may also engage in a pattern of manipulation or deceit, which he describes as “corrosive” to any romantic relationship.

“It establishes an evaluative dynamic where one person becomes the examiner, and the other the examinee, disrupting equality and mutual respect,” Mitchell stated.

A relationship that lacks trust is doomed to fail. Certified Gottman Therapist Dave Lechnyr believes trust is “the foundation upon which all else is built.” In an article, he describes a trustless commitment as a rudderless ship, “directionless, vulnerable to the tumultuous seas of doubt.” 

“Without trust, partners are robbed of the chance to experience the depth of true emotional connection, rendering the relationship a shell of what it could potentially be,” he wrote. 

The author’s concerns about Rick and Amanda’s relationship are valid, especially considering that the latter has struggled with the “test.” It is also unfair for her to be put through the wringer despite having her boundaries stepped on. 

In this scenario, it may help if the author told Amanda about what was happening. Whether or not there is a trust issue, the couple needs to address it for the sake of their relationship. 

Commenters gave their honest takes on the matter as the author gave more information

Comments discussing testing if a fiancée would make a good mother by getting a dog.

Reddit comments discussing relationship tests and concerns about potential abuse.

Reddit comments discussing testing a fiancée with a dog to gauge suitability for motherhood.

Text comments discussing a man's intentions and thoughts regarding birth control.

Reddit discussion about assessing a fiancée's suitability for motherhood through a dog test.

Text exchange about testing a woman, advice given to communicate and start a conversation.

Reddit comments discussing a guy testing his fiancée with a dog, exploring relationship dynamics.

Reddit comments discussing relationship advice on testing a woman's maternal instincts with a dog.

Reddit discussion on testing a fiancée's maternal instincts with a high-energy dog breed.

Text exchange discussing a friend's abusive relationship and hinting at revealing a secret plan.

Reddit comment advising on handling relationship issues, discussing using a dog to test a fiancée's motherhood potential.

Reddit comments on testing a fiancée as a potential mother with a dog.

Text exchange discussing a guy and a dog testing a fiancée's suitability as a mother, highlighting concerns and support.

Online discussion about using a dog to test if a fiancée would be a good mother.

Reddit comments discussing testing a woman's suitability for motherhood with a dog.

Reddit comments discussing testing a woman's mothering potential by getting a dog.

Others shared similar experiences

Text exchange discussing relationship advice and testing compatibility in relationships.

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