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Guy’s Weird Behavior Makes Fiancée Think It’s Because She’s Black, Later Realizes His Ulterior Motive
Young Black woman looking thoughtful and concerned while sitting in a living room, reflecting on weird behavior.

Guy’s Weird Behavior Makes Fiancée Think It’s Because She’s Black, Later Realizes His Ulterior Motive

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What people fail to realize, even in the 21st century, is that our outer appearance, our skin color, or even our financial status—none of it matters. The thing that really holds account is what kind of person we are and the way we treat others.

The original poster’s (OP) fiancé also fails to realize this, as she thinks he distances himself from her in public after they move to a new place for his job, just because she’s Black. She suspects he doesn’t want people from his work knowing about her, but later realizes that there’s more to the story!

More info: Reddit

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    Racism is a social evil that unfortunately still prevails in our society, affecting the victims enormously

    Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    The poster’s fiancé got a new, well-paying job, so she moved with him far away, along with her son

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    Image credits: Throwrainapikel

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    Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)

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    This new place is surprisingly racist, as she experienced people staring at her because she’s Black, and even noticed her caucasian fiancé’s strange behavior

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    Image credits: Throwrainapikel

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    Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    She felt he was distancing himself from her in public because he didn’t want people from work to know about her, but later realized something else

    Image credits: Throwrainapikel

    Image credits: halayalex / Freepik (not the actual image)

    She updated that his behavior has turned weirder as he starts unnecessary arguments and doesn’t want her visiting his work, along with other odd things

    Image credits: Throwrainapikel

    Now she has a strong suspicion that he’s cheating on her and doesn’t want the affair partner to find out that she’s Black

    Today, we dive into a quite sensitive story as Reddit user Throwrainapikel narrates her troubles. She helped her fiancé a lot when he was trying to get a new, well-paying job, and even moved far away for it with him, taking her son along. That’s when the trouble began, as she’s Black and her husband is a caucasian, and she realized pretty quickly that the town is racist.

    Stats show that 64% of people say racism against Black people is widespread in the US. Unfortunately, our poster is one of the victims as she faced it when people went out of their way just to stare at her in this new place. However, what shocked her more was her fiancé’s behavior, which took a turn for the weird. 

    She realized how he separates when they are together, and the tricky guy brings up the excuse of using the “washroom” when she inquires about it. Research suggests that experiencing racial discrimination and injustice can take a heavy emotional toll and trigger chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and racial trauma. 

    Considering that she’s facing it from her own fiancé as well as other people might be quite heartbreaking for the poster. She felt that he didn’t want people from his work to know that his fiancée is Black, which is why he was doing this, and vented online. A lot of people expressed sympathy to OP, but many were concerned for her son.

    Image credits: drobotdean / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    It has already been observed that moving is a big change, and it can adversely affect a child’s mental health. While the change might be tough for OP’s son, folks highlighted that just like her, even he might’ve faced racism in the new place. Psychologist Erica Lee says, “Experiences of racial discrimination can make children feel less connected and less worthwhile.”

    Well, netizens are right to worry about the kid, and they also didn’t shy away from calling out OP’s fiancé. They felt that the poster and her son had sacrificed a lot for him, and they deserved way better treatment than what he bestowed upon them. Some even pointed out that the whole relationship seemed one-sided, with the poster giving more, and honestly, we agree, too.

    However, OP gave a pretty shocking update soon as she started noticing a lot more strange things on his behalf. He started unnecessary arguments, rescheduled his gym time, and in general started acting hot and cold. She also noticed how he wakes up earlier on weekends and never feels hungry on weekdays but eats a lot on weekends, and he also argued with her before storming off to the gym.

    This sudden change has now led her to believe that he is probably cheating on her with someone and doesn’t want his affair partner to find out that she’s Black. Since OP didn’t give an update after this, we can’t really say for sure whether this is true, but what we can conclude is that his behavior is awful. 

    The poster sounds like a very supportive partner, and the way he is treating her is terrible. OP is also worried about her son, so we really hope she is able to move back home, like many people advised online. Don’t you think so too? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

    Netizens were outraged by his behavior, and some even expressed concern for her son, who might be facing difficulty in the racist new place

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    Rutuja Dumbre

    Rutuja Dumbre

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    Hey, am Rutuja! A storyteller at heart and a writer at Bored Panda. I have a strange love for words, and I mostly survive on coffee which is the driving force behind my writing. I enjoy working on articles that purely entertain our readers. When am not writing or trekking, you can find me staying up late and watching all the matches of Football Club Barcelona!

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    Rutuja Dumbre

    Rutuja Dumbre

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hey, am Rutuja! A storyteller at heart and a writer at Bored Panda. I have a strange love for words, and I mostly survive on coffee which is the driving force behind my writing. I enjoy working on articles that purely entertain our readers. When am not writing or trekking, you can find me staying up late and watching all the matches of Football Club Barcelona!

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

    Read less »

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

    What do you think ?
    Skogsrået
    Community Member
    Premium
    10 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is an update on this story: She left him, took her son and moved in with her mother. Ex fiancé keeps begging her to come back and says she can even visit him at work now when before he didn't want her too but she's firm in her decision and it having none of it. She's moving on and i'm glad for her, she deserves better. Sadly i think racism had a big role in how her fiancé changed.

    Natalia
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you for doing BP's job for them

    Load More Replies...
    Ellinor
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay that's just awful. She moved far for him, she faced blatant racism and isolation, and now he has an affair ?? I think at this point, the relationship would be over for me.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    10 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree. That poor woman. So he gets dressed up *right* before dinner + starts a fight? Major red flag.

    Load More Replies...
    Dusty's mom
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's a major jerk. How is your son faring? If it's bad for you, how is it for him?

    Nina
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Luckily OP left his sorry äss, she updated in a comment 10hrs ago. And of course now he is begging her to come back, offering access to his phone and wanting her to visit his job.

    JuniorCJ82
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He is 1000% cheating... AND racist... AND a liar. Dump his sorry behind and move on with your life.

    Sven Grammersdorf
    Community Member
    10 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    He can't be that racist if he proposed to and moved in with a black lady and her black kid

    Load More Replies...
    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What city could this possibly be? Even in the whitest places, I can't imagine a city where people are so surprised by a Black Carribbean person that multiple people stare. OP should leave just on that basis, it'll be a difficult way for her son to grow up.

    Multa Nocte
    Community Member
    Premium
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Tucker County, West Virginia (100% white/non-Latino) - Robertson County, Kentucky (100% white/non-Latino) - Hooker County, Nebraska (100% white/non-Latino) - Hand County, South Dakota (99% white/non-Latino and 1% Latino)- Owsley County, Kentucky (98% white/non-Latino and 2% Latino)" That's just a start.

    Load More Replies...
    Deborah B
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whether it's racism or an affair, or both, life is too short to put up with this behaviour. If he isn't proud to stand beside you, and willing to stand up for you, and for your relationship, he doesn't deserve you.

    Karen Bryan
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's a gaslighting artist. "You're imagining it!". No, she isn't.

    Neb
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I might understand the city - if the people there really hasn't faced different races , they might be behaving pretty much like kids seeing a different person - not trying to insult or even scary, but simply not familiar with situation, double check and not sure how to behave. Especially older people, who do not have big presence online and probably not even especially aware that it is rude. Coming from predominantly white country I get this part - you might find people in remote places that would behave the same. Usually this is solved with familiarity. However, here her partner is failing a lot. If you introduce your partner to others, show, that she is not living here alone - people will get used to it, learn that she is the same person as them and most likely the relationships would get way warmer.

    Max Fox
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Normally, I think that people jump to the conclusion that "it's an affair" way too easily, but this has every hallmark of an affair - suddenly treating her very differently, picking fights, dressing up to go out in the weekend evenings, and not eating before that, going, etc. So it's likely that not bringing his fiancé to isn't because she's black, it's because he doesn't want his AP to know. Seriously, all of the behavior is far more typical of a person having a full blown affair, likely with somebody at work or with somebody who is connected to his job. Does racism have to do with it? Nobody can say, especially because we don't know who his affair partner is. He was acting as though he wanted her to leave. I also think that the sudden change of heart when she moved in with her mother was because his AP broke up with him or left.

    Mythical Gem
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While racial difference may be key here, there are other issues this immature man may have trouble adjusting. eg. New work environment stress, etc. Sounds like a homogenous social conservative town & he is also troubled by being with a MUCH younger women (15 years), AND a child not his, Perhaps also her profession or lack of it. He would be less anxious if she was a much needed doctor for the local hospital OR a corporate lawyer specializes in global trade. Give him a few months to "grow up". If he VALUES you & your son as much as his own future, he'll acquire the skills to cope. Otherwise, you will forever be the "concubine" & your son the "baggage". Moreover, chances of him replacing you with a "new model" is high. Meantime, help your son gain new life coping skills in preparation for his future dealing with similar environment.Good Luck!

    Jaya
    Community Member
    10 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I don't care about their relationship drama, I am way more concerned that she moved far away from the child's father. That will make it harder for the kid to see it's dad, and that is not in the best interest of the child. I don't care if she has the legal right, you should still act in the best interest of your child. Saying "oh I'm willing to meet somewhere in between for drop offs" isn't enough.

    Skogsrået
    Community Member
    Premium
    10 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is an update on this story: She left him, took her son and moved in with her mother. Ex fiancé keeps begging her to come back and says she can even visit him at work now when before he didn't want her too but she's firm in her decision and it having none of it. She's moving on and i'm glad for her, she deserves better. Sadly i think racism had a big role in how her fiancé changed.

    Natalia
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you for doing BP's job for them

    Load More Replies...
    Ellinor
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay that's just awful. She moved far for him, she faced blatant racism and isolation, and now he has an affair ?? I think at this point, the relationship would be over for me.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    10 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree. That poor woman. So he gets dressed up *right* before dinner + starts a fight? Major red flag.

    Load More Replies...
    Dusty's mom
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's a major jerk. How is your son faring? If it's bad for you, how is it for him?

    Nina
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Luckily OP left his sorry äss, she updated in a comment 10hrs ago. And of course now he is begging her to come back, offering access to his phone and wanting her to visit his job.

    JuniorCJ82
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He is 1000% cheating... AND racist... AND a liar. Dump his sorry behind and move on with your life.

    Sven Grammersdorf
    Community Member
    10 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    He can't be that racist if he proposed to and moved in with a black lady and her black kid

    Load More Replies...
    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What city could this possibly be? Even in the whitest places, I can't imagine a city where people are so surprised by a Black Carribbean person that multiple people stare. OP should leave just on that basis, it'll be a difficult way for her son to grow up.

    Multa Nocte
    Community Member
    Premium
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Tucker County, West Virginia (100% white/non-Latino) - Robertson County, Kentucky (100% white/non-Latino) - Hooker County, Nebraska (100% white/non-Latino) - Hand County, South Dakota (99% white/non-Latino and 1% Latino)- Owsley County, Kentucky (98% white/non-Latino and 2% Latino)" That's just a start.

    Load More Replies...
    Deborah B
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whether it's racism or an affair, or both, life is too short to put up with this behaviour. If he isn't proud to stand beside you, and willing to stand up for you, and for your relationship, he doesn't deserve you.

    Karen Bryan
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's a gaslighting artist. "You're imagining it!". No, she isn't.

    Neb
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I might understand the city - if the people there really hasn't faced different races , they might be behaving pretty much like kids seeing a different person - not trying to insult or even scary, but simply not familiar with situation, double check and not sure how to behave. Especially older people, who do not have big presence online and probably not even especially aware that it is rude. Coming from predominantly white country I get this part - you might find people in remote places that would behave the same. Usually this is solved with familiarity. However, here her partner is failing a lot. If you introduce your partner to others, show, that she is not living here alone - people will get used to it, learn that she is the same person as them and most likely the relationships would get way warmer.

    Max Fox
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Normally, I think that people jump to the conclusion that "it's an affair" way too easily, but this has every hallmark of an affair - suddenly treating her very differently, picking fights, dressing up to go out in the weekend evenings, and not eating before that, going, etc. So it's likely that not bringing his fiancé to isn't because she's black, it's because he doesn't want his AP to know. Seriously, all of the behavior is far more typical of a person having a full blown affair, likely with somebody at work or with somebody who is connected to his job. Does racism have to do with it? Nobody can say, especially because we don't know who his affair partner is. He was acting as though he wanted her to leave. I also think that the sudden change of heart when she moved in with her mother was because his AP broke up with him or left.

    Mythical Gem
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While racial difference may be key here, there are other issues this immature man may have trouble adjusting. eg. New work environment stress, etc. Sounds like a homogenous social conservative town & he is also troubled by being with a MUCH younger women (15 years), AND a child not his, Perhaps also her profession or lack of it. He would be less anxious if she was a much needed doctor for the local hospital OR a corporate lawyer specializes in global trade. Give him a few months to "grow up". If he VALUES you & your son as much as his own future, he'll acquire the skills to cope. Otherwise, you will forever be the "concubine" & your son the "baggage". Moreover, chances of him replacing you with a "new model" is high. Meantime, help your son gain new life coping skills in preparation for his future dealing with similar environment.Good Luck!

    Jaya
    Community Member
    10 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I don't care about their relationship drama, I am way more concerned that she moved far away from the child's father. That will make it harder for the kid to see it's dad, and that is not in the best interest of the child. I don't care if she has the legal right, you should still act in the best interest of your child. Saying "oh I'm willing to meet somewhere in between for drop offs" isn't enough.

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