16-Year-Old Bullies A Kid For Being Poor, So Her Stepdad Takes Away All Her “Luxuries”
Bullying statistics are awfully sad. According to them, one in five children in the US is bullied and one in three has experienced harassment online.
The effects of it are dangerous. Kids that experience bullying often skip school, letting their grades deteriorate. But that’s, of course, not the worst of it. Bullying can lead to bad habits such as drinking and smoking, and also serious mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety. In other words, it can be detrimental to a child’s future.
Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to remedy the situation. However, we should still try to make things better.
The following story is about a dad who found out that his step-daughter was a bully and decided to teach her a lesson. However, his wife thinks he’s going a bit too far. Scroll down below to read and judge it for yourself.
Bullying is a common occurrence at schools. However, that doesn’t make this behavior acceptable in the slightest
Image source: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
When this father found out his step-daughter was a bully, he knew exactly how to teach her a lesson
Image crdits: Iakobchuk (not the actual photo)
Image credits: varyapigu (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LearningParenting215
The discipline method the parents chose was appropriate
Image credits: Monstera Production (not the actual photo)
When it comes to disciplining bullies, especially when they are teens, it can be hard to think of a right way to do it. After all, you do not want them to suffer, you are just trying to teach them a lesson.
Experts believe that meaningful or logical consequences is the best approach to deal with behavioral issues. In this case, the girl felt entitled and had too many privileges. Taking them away showed that her behavior wasn’t tolerable. In addition, she had to apologize to the student and do community service at school. All this should have helped her learn her lesson.
It does seem that the stepfather might be taking things too far
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
While the intentions of the step-dad are good, he might not get the result he is wanting. Taking away privileges is a good way to discipline, but doing so with so many things and for an unlimited amount of time might be too much. It may lead to a lot of resentment. This way, instead of learning a valuable lesson, the teen might focus on the dad being awful to her for way too long.
It also seems that the dad doesn’t trust that his step-daughter has changed. He does not mention sitting down and talking about how everything has been going, whether her perspective has changed. The communication line between them has closed and, when that’s the case, there’s no growth happening on the teen’s side.
Many people in the comments believed that the man’s actions were correct
Some, though, were not so convinced by his parenting methods
Her grades have dropped because she has stopped putting in the effort, thinking that her parents will backtrack on her punishment. She had a job before she got caught bullying, working for her parents, and it didn’t affect her grades. She’s a player. Bullies are nasty, self absorbed creatures and I think that her parents have done the right thing here.
I can't reply to SadieCat so I'm putting this here. I can see your point about the drastic change in circumstances affecting her worldview. I went through something similar in middle school, and looking back, I had all the signs of being depressed (not depression, a shorter term issue). I don't think OP lacks empathy, but is instead trying to teach his daughter empathy. She was one of those closed minded people you mentioned. I think one luxury they can afford and get for their daughter is therapy. If her grades continue to fall or she starts showing other signs of being depressed instead of just pissed, they should get her talking to someone. There were bound to be bumps with this big shift and it's reasonable to give it some time to level out.
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anyone who said YTA or ESH needs a reality check themselves. or a smack in the mouth.
Seriously. The kid still has access to a smart phone and a computer for school. She's still working, just not the higher paying nepo job she had. It doesn't sound like they grounded her or anything, just took away things that were unnecessary for a 16yo. The only thing I can agree with is maybe getting her a little beater car to drive.
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If one of my kids said that to me I'd put move them into a low-income school as well.
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NTA. Kid needs discipline and a reality check. That's what this is. At least he's noticed this early and trying to educate her before it's too late and she becomes a monster of a human being that thinks poor people are animals. She may hate this now, but hopefully this humbles her and she will thank him in the future.
I don't know. I think this might be too soft a landing to late, she's still very much in danger of being a monsterous human being.
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To the people that say, "YTA" or "ESH", I wonder if you'd feel that way if it were your child she was bullying? Like someone else said, it was bad enough that the school took action. Great job, Pops!
Seriously? You HAVE to ask, "AITA?" NOT. IN. THE. SLIGHTEST way/ shape/ or form!!! THIS!!! This is GREAT parenting at it's FINESET!!!
Anyone who has sympathy for the stepdaughter over her victim, her bullying was so bad that the school took disciplinary actions. Drastic measure by her parents were necessary bc that level of behavior is very concerning.
Her facing consequences for her action might actually help her become a decent human. Child bullies often turn into adult abusers.
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Obviously NTA, but honestly, it does sound like a s**t situation to me for the father no matter what he does. Because that daughter will nonetheless not forgive him or consider herself the villain, and will possibly cut contact as soon as she eventually moves out for what he's done.
None of which he can control. If she thinks DARVO responses are an appropriate reaction to her inappropriate behaviour then it just shows how right Dad is to try and teach her some life lessons.
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this guy is LOOOOOOONG WAAAAAAAAAAY before going to far. i think he was to soft.
The punishments don't go far enough. How is replacing her late model iPhone with an iPhone 8 a punishment? The right punishment is: NO cell phone. Maybe a humiliating Jitterbug for emergencies. And absolutely NO social media. No facebook, no insta, no twitter, nothing. For a year. And you give the iPhone 8 and her MacBook to the girl she bullied.
I'm very concetned about the people who said YTA or ESH... My parents (and I so a minor degree because I was like 3) started off as a single income immigrant family and now we're living a middle class life. I have new smartphones and a lot of luxuries, but I learnt that these are just that. If I am entitled or out of line my parents have the right to do whatever they wish with these luxuries bc they aren't necessities. Same story here, her grades are dropping bc she's being stubborn and doesn't care. But she needs to learn. NTA.
You sound like an awesome parent whose trying to raise a kid ( who sounds dreadful btw) who does not behave like an entitled c**t that thinks everyone is beneath her. Mom is WRONG and was probably the same way as a kid, that's why she can't see it. I see no problem taking away everything from this horrible mean ingrate that she did not earn. If there were more parents like you, I would not hate children so much.
She is not "tortured" for having taken those privileges away from her. People who make statements like that are literally delusional and need a reality check
OP handled the bullying situation exactly the right way. His stepdaughter needed a reality check, and the only way that would have been accomplished is by removing/replacing her perks. How dare she refer to another student as "trailer trash"! By humbling her, OP showed her that comfortable lifestyles can change in a heartbeat. Job loss, illness can take you from middle to low-income in a short period of time. If the stepdaughter carries that "better-than-thou" attitude into adulthood, she'll have a lot of doors closed to her. It's quite refreshing to see a (step)parent responsibly handle a problem child, instead of going into denial. High five, Dad, and don't let the drop in grades deter you from teaching her a lesson. As for the mother, get YOURSELF a reality check: your daughter needs to learn empathy for others. You have a 12-year-old daughter who's watching everything her sister does; do you REALLY want her emulating her sister's narcissistic tendencies?
As soon as my kids understood english I drove them through slums to show them just how nice their homes were. When they wanted new phones I got them second-hand only, and about four or five models out of date, not the latest. They have second-hand laptops that are about 10yo and no credit cards. My eldest has a bank card that I put cash into for his birthday, that is all, and that is just so he can learn how to use it. Spoilt kids suck, and bullying people because they are poor is what we call Republican/Right Wing/WMC. I won't tolerate it.
I would say he's the ahole, but not because of the punishments. He said "we didn't raise her to be like that", when everything about his description of her life indicates that yeah, they did. They gave her a credit card, a car, a job, a $3000 computer, a $1000 phone, and probably a lot more. Her mom is more concerned with her social standing than her grades and her treatment of other people. Sounds to me like these people are reaping what they sowed. They raised a spoiled, entitled brat and now they have to fix her before it's too late.
This is too harsh imo especially because it's clear she behaved that way because they spoiled her too much beforehand. They went from one extreme to the other.
There are plenty of people who get nice things as teenagers who grow up to be kind adults.
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Seems harsh, but it's a lesson the daughter needs to learn. As for "social status" - it's better she find friends that like her for her, rather than for her money, so OP is doing his kid a favour and teaching her a valuable life lesson that she'll be thankful for in the future, even if teenage stroppiness "wins out" for now.
$15/hr for a neop-receptionist job to minimum wage in a fast food joint. These people don't live in NY State in the US, as current minimum wage at a fast food joint like McDonalds or Burger King is $15/hr (outside of New York City, where it's even more). But that's not the point. I'm not sure I would have gone as far as this guy did, but I think he's got the right idea.
I think even the idea that she went from her $15/hr receptionist job at a family business to having to work a "typical" minimum wage job (regardless of what the actual wage is) is probably important here. She is learning what hard work actually is.
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She needs therapy. This girl is nasty and has been entitled too long. You don't force kids to feel empathy. She must have learned it somewhere? Hmmmmmm?
Sounds like she learned to be cruel from the mother, who is more worried about social status.
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I don't disagree with the parents punishing the kid. But I do think these sort of punishments should be designed as temporary, until the kid has learned the lesson deal. eg: I wouldn't sell the laptop or car. They'd just be confiscated and I'd aim to move them to a friend/relative for storage. Let her think they're gone, but return them once she's learned that her actions have consequences. Same with the job really. And of course I'd want to get a better understanding of the bullying to start with. Sounds bad that she considered the other kid trailer trash. But at the same time, was the other kid an a*****e who was picking fights or being well, as a*****e themselves? ie: Did the other kid provoke the bullying in some way or were they minding their own business and it was completely undeserved. Note: I'm not saying that justifies her bullying, but it might change the degree of punishment (like a self defense clause).
I think he was kind of harsh by selling her stuff. Because they don't need the money it might've been a better idea to make the girl work to buy her stuff back from her parents at a reduced price. Like for example a $250 laptop you confiscate and keep until she pays you $100 to get tit back or even the full price. You could even donate the money. That way the punishment isn't as long term as this is but she still learns her lesson
That or get her to give her phone laptop and car keys to the girl she bullied.
Load More Replies... NTA. Privileged kids grow up to be a******s if allowed. I needed to do this with my step daughter but her dad wouldn't allow it. And whomever said you were the AH because your measures were life long consequences...um, how is not having things as a teen going to have a lifelong effect. She ought to learn how to earn her own things. No. Just no.
As a parent, I agree and disagree with OP. 1. He is NOT middle class. I'm middle class, best I could do for my kids was put a $1,000 down payment on their vehicles and co-sign their car loans. (teaching them about finances and responsibility). 2. Taking away her luxury items? Good. Selling them? BAD - that was where I went "wtaf?" He SHOULD have given her the opportunity to "earn" back her items and privileges (internet throttled? seriously?) Yes, she bullied someone, but now step dad is bullying her - over and above what her actual parent agrees with.
You have no idea what bullying is do you. What he is doing it making her see things and live a fraction of the way her victim did. Basically making her deal with the same things she mocked someone else for.
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Folks, Are you aware that billing is NOW a jail sentence? ! No time limit. I sent quite a few to such a place and also sued them..I won my cases. How do think those spoiled people seriously regret what they done after losing everything they had over something so stupid that could have been prevented by a parent stopping it when they were younger. Step Dad keep it up. Mom stand by him.
I definitely think this is appropriate for correcting the entitlement, for sure. It’s not always the spoiling that causes entitlement, though. I do believe it’s behavioural & mimicked by what they see others do. As the youngest of 4 girls with autism & the only one who hasn’t left the nest, I still get spoiled a lot. I don’t ask for stuff, though (unless it’s something I need). I even hate upgrading my electronics, as I still use a Nintendo 3DS & I kept my PS2 for years, until my mum & sister surprised me with a PS5 … knowing how much it cost, I got a bit annoyed & said they should take it back, LOL (I only agreed to keep it because they felt bad for me being disabled & stuck at home so often). I just try to set an example for my nieces & nephews, y’know? I sometimes spoil them as well, but they’re genuinely thankful & it feels wonderful every time I get a hug from my littlest niece. It’s okay to discipline kids when they need it. Just don’t forget to show that you still love them. 🙂💖🤷♀️
I agree with the punishment up to the point of selling her car and other items. I would have forbid her from using them but, if she could prove that she has changed, I would give her access to them again on a limited basis at first.
All thr YTA comments just ooze entitled p.o.s. who treats lower socioeconomic people in exactly the same way. Daughter has plenty of time and chance to be a better person. Thats on her. If someone goes that hard YTA its because they are garbage people themselves.
I grew up in semi-poverty and was bullied for wearing the "wrong" clothes", or getting the "wrong haircut" etc. I know what it's like. The dad did the exact thing that needed to be done. I wish the parents of my bullies had stepped up but "NO". They were too high up on the food scale to punish their little darlings. It's ok. Now , 50 years later, some of them never left their village, work for minimum wage and I've paid off my condo. What goes around comes around
OP, do NOT cave on this. She's barely speaking to you? That just means she still hasn't grasped the message. She still feels entitled to YOUR money. She's playing the long game. Out-play her.
As someone who has CPTSD from bullying... good on those parents. Child bullies are more likely to become abusive adults, abusing partners or children or coworkers or all of the above. Bullying has lifelong effects for survivors; severe bullying during childhood literally causes physical brain damage. Bullying survivors often have a more difficult time finishing their education, getting good jobs, having healthy relationships, etc. They're at higher risk for mental illness, suicide, and early death. I think the parents also need to put her in therapy to learn empathy and compassion and the effects her actions have on others.
Better would be to have a plan to allow her to recover privileges on a schedule, based on improved behavior. NB: to get into any good university, etc, a 4.0 gpa is baseline anymore, if university is her goal.
Unfortunately once the bully trait begins to show in a personality, nothing can change it.
A teenage brain isn't fully formed, so the right psychotherapy might be able to curb the trait. I know a few people who bullied others as children and ended up being nice adults once they were forced to understand the consequences of their actions. I agree with the parents taking away her luxuries, but they also should have put her in therapy.
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Elaborate punishments from a step parent? Yeah, that’s going to make her more empathetic to others. You can’t punish someone into being a good person. You are TA for piling on the punishments instead of getting to the root of her behavior. I suspect she feels insecure in her place in the family and your reaction is doing nothing to make her feel more secure. She deserved some punishment and having to apologize but she also needs to feel secure in her parents’ love and I don’t see that here.
The root of her behaviour is a mother who cares more about social status than her children being good people.
Load More Replies... Her grades have dropped because she has stopped putting in the effort, thinking that her parents will backtrack on her punishment. She had a job before she got caught bullying, working for her parents, and it didn’t affect her grades. She’s a player. Bullies are nasty, self absorbed creatures and I think that her parents have done the right thing here.
I can't reply to SadieCat so I'm putting this here. I can see your point about the drastic change in circumstances affecting her worldview. I went through something similar in middle school, and looking back, I had all the signs of being depressed (not depression, a shorter term issue). I don't think OP lacks empathy, but is instead trying to teach his daughter empathy. She was one of those closed minded people you mentioned. I think one luxury they can afford and get for their daughter is therapy. If her grades continue to fall or she starts showing other signs of being depressed instead of just pissed, they should get her talking to someone. There were bound to be bumps with this big shift and it's reasonable to give it some time to level out.
Load More Replies... anyone who said YTA or ESH needs a reality check themselves. or a smack in the mouth.
Seriously. The kid still has access to a smart phone and a computer for school. She's still working, just not the higher paying nepo job she had. It doesn't sound like they grounded her or anything, just took away things that were unnecessary for a 16yo. The only thing I can agree with is maybe getting her a little beater car to drive.
Load More Replies... If one of my kids said that to me I'd put move them into a low-income school as well.
Load More Replies... NTA. Kid needs discipline and a reality check. That's what this is. At least he's noticed this early and trying to educate her before it's too late and she becomes a monster of a human being that thinks poor people are animals. She may hate this now, but hopefully this humbles her and she will thank him in the future.
I don't know. I think this might be too soft a landing to late, she's still very much in danger of being a monsterous human being.
Load More Replies... To the people that say, "YTA" or "ESH", I wonder if you'd feel that way if it were your child she was bullying? Like someone else said, it was bad enough that the school took action. Great job, Pops!
Seriously? You HAVE to ask, "AITA?" NOT. IN. THE. SLIGHTEST way/ shape/ or form!!! THIS!!! This is GREAT parenting at it's FINESET!!!
Anyone who has sympathy for the stepdaughter over her victim, her bullying was so bad that the school took disciplinary actions. Drastic measure by her parents were necessary bc that level of behavior is very concerning.
Her facing consequences for her action might actually help her become a decent human. Child bullies often turn into adult abusers.
Load More Replies... Obviously NTA, but honestly, it does sound like a s**t situation to me for the father no matter what he does. Because that daughter will nonetheless not forgive him or consider herself the villain, and will possibly cut contact as soon as she eventually moves out for what he's done.
None of which he can control. If she thinks DARVO responses are an appropriate reaction to her inappropriate behaviour then it just shows how right Dad is to try and teach her some life lessons.
Load More Replies... this guy is LOOOOOOONG WAAAAAAAAAAY before going to far. i think he was to soft.
The punishments don't go far enough. How is replacing her late model iPhone with an iPhone 8 a punishment? The right punishment is: NO cell phone. Maybe a humiliating Jitterbug for emergencies. And absolutely NO social media. No facebook, no insta, no twitter, nothing. For a year. And you give the iPhone 8 and her MacBook to the girl she bullied.
I'm very concetned about the people who said YTA or ESH... My parents (and I so a minor degree because I was like 3) started off as a single income immigrant family and now we're living a middle class life. I have new smartphones and a lot of luxuries, but I learnt that these are just that. If I am entitled or out of line my parents have the right to do whatever they wish with these luxuries bc they aren't necessities. Same story here, her grades are dropping bc she's being stubborn and doesn't care. But she needs to learn. NTA.
You sound like an awesome parent whose trying to raise a kid ( who sounds dreadful btw) who does not behave like an entitled c**t that thinks everyone is beneath her. Mom is WRONG and was probably the same way as a kid, that's why she can't see it. I see no problem taking away everything from this horrible mean ingrate that she did not earn. If there were more parents like you, I would not hate children so much.
She is not "tortured" for having taken those privileges away from her. People who make statements like that are literally delusional and need a reality check
OP handled the bullying situation exactly the right way. His stepdaughter needed a reality check, and the only way that would have been accomplished is by removing/replacing her perks. How dare she refer to another student as "trailer trash"! By humbling her, OP showed her that comfortable lifestyles can change in a heartbeat. Job loss, illness can take you from middle to low-income in a short period of time. If the stepdaughter carries that "better-than-thou" attitude into adulthood, she'll have a lot of doors closed to her. It's quite refreshing to see a (step)parent responsibly handle a problem child, instead of going into denial. High five, Dad, and don't let the drop in grades deter you from teaching her a lesson. As for the mother, get YOURSELF a reality check: your daughter needs to learn empathy for others. You have a 12-year-old daughter who's watching everything her sister does; do you REALLY want her emulating her sister's narcissistic tendencies?
As soon as my kids understood english I drove them through slums to show them just how nice their homes were. When they wanted new phones I got them second-hand only, and about four or five models out of date, not the latest. They have second-hand laptops that are about 10yo and no credit cards. My eldest has a bank card that I put cash into for his birthday, that is all, and that is just so he can learn how to use it. Spoilt kids suck, and bullying people because they are poor is what we call Republican/Right Wing/WMC. I won't tolerate it.
I would say he's the ahole, but not because of the punishments. He said "we didn't raise her to be like that", when everything about his description of her life indicates that yeah, they did. They gave her a credit card, a car, a job, a $3000 computer, a $1000 phone, and probably a lot more. Her mom is more concerned with her social standing than her grades and her treatment of other people. Sounds to me like these people are reaping what they sowed. They raised a spoiled, entitled brat and now they have to fix her before it's too late.
This is too harsh imo especially because it's clear she behaved that way because they spoiled her too much beforehand. They went from one extreme to the other.
There are plenty of people who get nice things as teenagers who grow up to be kind adults.
Load More Replies... Seems harsh, but it's a lesson the daughter needs to learn. As for "social status" - it's better she find friends that like her for her, rather than for her money, so OP is doing his kid a favour and teaching her a valuable life lesson that she'll be thankful for in the future, even if teenage stroppiness "wins out" for now.
$15/hr for a neop-receptionist job to minimum wage in a fast food joint. These people don't live in NY State in the US, as current minimum wage at a fast food joint like McDonalds or Burger King is $15/hr (outside of New York City, where it's even more). But that's not the point. I'm not sure I would have gone as far as this guy did, but I think he's got the right idea.
I think even the idea that she went from her $15/hr receptionist job at a family business to having to work a "typical" minimum wage job (regardless of what the actual wage is) is probably important here. She is learning what hard work actually is.
Load More Replies... She needs therapy. This girl is nasty and has been entitled too long. You don't force kids to feel empathy. She must have learned it somewhere? Hmmmmmm?
Sounds like she learned to be cruel from the mother, who is more worried about social status.
Load More Replies... I don't disagree with the parents punishing the kid. But I do think these sort of punishments should be designed as temporary, until the kid has learned the lesson deal. eg: I wouldn't sell the laptop or car. They'd just be confiscated and I'd aim to move them to a friend/relative for storage. Let her think they're gone, but return them once she's learned that her actions have consequences. Same with the job really. And of course I'd want to get a better understanding of the bullying to start with. Sounds bad that she considered the other kid trailer trash. But at the same time, was the other kid an a*****e who was picking fights or being well, as a*****e themselves? ie: Did the other kid provoke the bullying in some way or were they minding their own business and it was completely undeserved. Note: I'm not saying that justifies her bullying, but it might change the degree of punishment (like a self defense clause).
I think he was kind of harsh by selling her stuff. Because they don't need the money it might've been a better idea to make the girl work to buy her stuff back from her parents at a reduced price. Like for example a $250 laptop you confiscate and keep until she pays you $100 to get tit back or even the full price. You could even donate the money. That way the punishment isn't as long term as this is but she still learns her lesson
That or get her to give her phone laptop and car keys to the girl she bullied.
Load More Replies... NTA. Privileged kids grow up to be a******s if allowed. I needed to do this with my step daughter but her dad wouldn't allow it. And whomever said you were the AH because your measures were life long consequences...um, how is not having things as a teen going to have a lifelong effect. She ought to learn how to earn her own things. No. Just no.
As a parent, I agree and disagree with OP. 1. He is NOT middle class. I'm middle class, best I could do for my kids was put a $1,000 down payment on their vehicles and co-sign their car loans. (teaching them about finances and responsibility). 2. Taking away her luxury items? Good. Selling them? BAD - that was where I went "wtaf?" He SHOULD have given her the opportunity to "earn" back her items and privileges (internet throttled? seriously?) Yes, she bullied someone, but now step dad is bullying her - over and above what her actual parent agrees with.
You have no idea what bullying is do you. What he is doing it making her see things and live a fraction of the way her victim did. Basically making her deal with the same things she mocked someone else for.
Load More Replies... Folks, Are you aware that billing is NOW a jail sentence? ! No time limit. I sent quite a few to such a place and also sued them..I won my cases. How do think those spoiled people seriously regret what they done after losing everything they had over something so stupid that could have been prevented by a parent stopping it when they were younger. Step Dad keep it up. Mom stand by him.
I definitely think this is appropriate for correcting the entitlement, for sure. It’s not always the spoiling that causes entitlement, though. I do believe it’s behavioural & mimicked by what they see others do. As the youngest of 4 girls with autism & the only one who hasn’t left the nest, I still get spoiled a lot. I don’t ask for stuff, though (unless it’s something I need). I even hate upgrading my electronics, as I still use a Nintendo 3DS & I kept my PS2 for years, until my mum & sister surprised me with a PS5 … knowing how much it cost, I got a bit annoyed & said they should take it back, LOL (I only agreed to keep it because they felt bad for me being disabled & stuck at home so often). I just try to set an example for my nieces & nephews, y’know? I sometimes spoil them as well, but they’re genuinely thankful & it feels wonderful every time I get a hug from my littlest niece. It’s okay to discipline kids when they need it. Just don’t forget to show that you still love them. 🙂💖🤷♀️
I agree with the punishment up to the point of selling her car and other items. I would have forbid her from using them but, if she could prove that she has changed, I would give her access to them again on a limited basis at first.
All thr YTA comments just ooze entitled p.o.s. who treats lower socioeconomic people in exactly the same way. Daughter has plenty of time and chance to be a better person. Thats on her. If someone goes that hard YTA its because they are garbage people themselves.
I grew up in semi-poverty and was bullied for wearing the "wrong" clothes", or getting the "wrong haircut" etc. I know what it's like. The dad did the exact thing that needed to be done. I wish the parents of my bullies had stepped up but "NO". They were too high up on the food scale to punish their little darlings. It's ok. Now , 50 years later, some of them never left their village, work for minimum wage and I've paid off my condo. What goes around comes around
OP, do NOT cave on this. She's barely speaking to you? That just means she still hasn't grasped the message. She still feels entitled to YOUR money. She's playing the long game. Out-play her.
As someone who has CPTSD from bullying... good on those parents. Child bullies are more likely to become abusive adults, abusing partners or children or coworkers or all of the above. Bullying has lifelong effects for survivors; severe bullying during childhood literally causes physical brain damage. Bullying survivors often have a more difficult time finishing their education, getting good jobs, having healthy relationships, etc. They're at higher risk for mental illness, suicide, and early death. I think the parents also need to put her in therapy to learn empathy and compassion and the effects her actions have on others.
Better would be to have a plan to allow her to recover privileges on a schedule, based on improved behavior. NB: to get into any good university, etc, a 4.0 gpa is baseline anymore, if university is her goal.
Unfortunately once the bully trait begins to show in a personality, nothing can change it.
A teenage brain isn't fully formed, so the right psychotherapy might be able to curb the trait. I know a few people who bullied others as children and ended up being nice adults once they were forced to understand the consequences of their actions. I agree with the parents taking away her luxuries, but they also should have put her in therapy.
Load More Replies... Elaborate punishments from a step parent? Yeah, that’s going to make her more empathetic to others. You can’t punish someone into being a good person. You are TA for piling on the punishments instead of getting to the root of her behavior. I suspect she feels insecure in her place in the family and your reaction is doing nothing to make her feel more secure. She deserved some punishment and having to apologize but she also needs to feel secure in her parents’ love and I don’t see that here.
The root of her behaviour is a mother who cares more about social status than her children being good people.
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