Parent Makes Adult Daughter Face The Consequences Of Her Own Actions When Anxiety Takes Over
Parenting isn’t always about fixing problems, it’s also about teaching responsibility. While it’s natural to want to step in and help, sometimes letting kids navigate their own challenges can be more beneficial in the long run. Learning to handle difficult situations independently is a key part of growing up.
One parent stood firm when their 18-year-old daughter, who struggles with anxiety, called home asking to be picked up from a road trip after a disagreement with friends. Sticking to their boundaries, they told her she’d have to figure it out herself. Now, the debate is on: was this tough love, or too harsh? Keep reading to see what people think!
Teenagers often turn to their parents for support when they’re feeling overwhelmed or distressed
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A parent sought advice online after refusing to step in when their anxious teen asked for help
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Theowawayekfnnfor
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Anxiety in childhood and adolescence can look very different—what worries a young child might not even phase a teen, while teenage anxiety is often more complex
We can all agree, being a teenager isn’t easy. You’re stuck in that weird in-between stage where you’re expected to start acting like an adult while still figuring out who you are. One moment, you’re excited about newfound independence, and the next, you’re completely overwhelmed by responsibilities you never asked for. It’s a lot to juggle, and for many teens, this phase comes with a fair share of anxiety.
And let’s be real, anxiety isn’t just the occasional stress over an exam or a big game. It’s that nagging, overwhelming worry that doesn’t just go away, making even normal, everyday things feel like a huge deal. Whether it’s worrying about school performance, fitting in, or the uncertainty of the future, anxiety has a way of creeping into different parts of life.
Interestingly, what kids worry about changes as they grow up. When they’re little, fears are more external, like monsters under the bed, the dark, or creepy crawlies. But as they hit their teen years, their worries shift inward. Now, it’s all about grades, social status, how they look, and what others think of them. The pressure to be “good enough” at everything can feel unbearable.
According to a 2019 report by the National Institutes of Health, nearly one in three adolescents (ages 13 to 18) will experience an anxiety disorder at some point. That’s a pretty big number, and yet, so many teens struggle in silence because they’re either too good at hiding it or don’t even realize what they’re going through.
The tricky part? Anxiety doesn’t always scream for attention—it sneaks in. Some teens might seem perfectly fine on the outside but struggle with constant worrying, irritability, or trouble focusing. Others might start avoiding social situations, complaining of stomachaches or headaches, or suddenly losing interest in things they used to love.
Image credits: Irina Demyanovskikh / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Loved ones can play a crucial role in helping teens manage anxiety by offering support, reassurance, and understanding
And while every teen has tough days, certain signs could point to something more serious. Persistent fears and worries about everyday situations, extreme self-consciousness or sensitivity to criticism, and avoiding new or challenging experiences can all be red flags. A sudden drop in grades or refusing to go to school might indicate deeper struggles, as can feeling restless, irritable, or overwhelmed without a clear reason. These behaviors, though sometimes subtle, can signal that a teen is dealing with anxiety and may need extra support.
As a parent, friend, or sibling, it’s important to keep an eye out for these signs. If a teen seems to be struggling, the first step is simply talking to them. Let them know they’re not alone, that what they’re feeling is valid, and that there are ways to manage it.
If anxiety starts interfering with their daily life, it might be time to reach out for extra support. Mental health professionals like psychiatrists, psychologists, or counselors can provide the right tools to help them navigate these feelings. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to makes all the difference.
In this particular case, the parent was trying to push their child toward independence while also setting boundaries. But was it tough love, or was it too harsh? What do you think? Let us know your thoughts!
Many people online believed the parent made the right choice, as it would teach their 18-year-old independence and resilience
Others felt that, as a parent, it was their responsibility to step in and help their child navigate the situation
Opinion of Psychologist Daniel Hoadley
As the OP stated that his daughter was in therapy up until 18, it might be time to go back. It shouldn’t be seen as a ‘failure’ but rather as a ‘touch-up’ or reevaluation of coping methods.
Certain types of therapy for anxiety focus on teaching coping strategies so the patient can navigate the outside world independently. The parents’ idea of ‘actions have consequences’ is fine, as long as it’s supplemented with a gentle point in the direction toward returning to therapy. – Daniel Hoadley
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omg the amount of infantilization from the YTA crowd that now claim that an 18 year old is a kid. is it because they don't want to accept they themselves are old since they are not that age? An 18 year old is an adult, legally and otherwise. They can vote, they can drink in most of the world, they drive a car and own property. And they certainly can manage their own mental problems (if they put effort into it like not leaving therapy) or accept the consequences of their own actions.
This. Since when is an 18 year old unable to anticipate consequences? Toddlers can anticipate basic consequences.
Load More Replies...One of the things I read in the responses was that OP had her daughter in therapy to help her cope with her anxiety. The daughter stopped going once she turned 18. I can imagine the conversation was something along the lines of, 'I'm 18, I'm an adult, and I can do what I want to do'. Mom was like, 'fine do what you want. Don't come calling me when you get in a situation '. Actions have consequences.
I agree. If the daughter is refusing to continue therapy then the mom has to put her foot down. If people think her mom not picking her up has created trust issues between them then the daughter has a bigger problem. How many times have you parents, when you were children got upset with parents and lost trust in them. Let’s be real here. If the mom was adamant about her not going to the beach and the daughter got upset with get mom, what would your comments be? Do you think she would be upset and feel a lack of trust with her mom. I promise you are back talking as normal.
Load More Replies...LMAO, all of these YTA's are funny, and this is coming from someone with a full blown panic disorder. She's an adult, she was cautioned ahead of time, her father couldn't just leave work, and she dropped out of therapy that she obviously needs. NTA!
"You abandoned her all alone in a new scary place, far away from home, in the middle of nowhere!!111" Oh for the love of... She wasn't in the middle of nowhere, all alone with nowhere to go. She was in her friends' car & she didn't want to sit there & wait for them to come back. 18 is not a baby!
All the ppl saying "you broke your daughter's trust" .... She said she would not come get her if she insisted on making a bad decision. Now we're saying that *keeping her word* is "breaking trust"???? If the daughter had said she broke her arm or was assaulted or abandoned by her friends, 100% mom would've left work and making like a Valkyrie to get to her. But pick her up because the expected happened? No. The lesson is STOP MAKING DECISIONS OUT OF PIQUE!
This isn't a new condition, these are presumably her close friends, so this won't be unexpected. Daughter took a calculated risk and it didn't work, it was hers to take, as is the Uber.
Could have been handled better but 18yo is going to have to learn some lessons if she wants to cope in the real world. The first one being if someone tells you they think something is a bad idea, listen. Especially if that person is your mother who knows you better than you know yourself. Yes, yes, anxiety - more people have it than you think. It's how you deal with it that matters. 18 needs more therapy with someone to teach her coping mechanism and rationalisation. I can recommend someone here in London ;-)
I think this was a good thing. OP isn’t shielding her daughter from her anxiety anymore and she’s feeling the impact. Once things cool down, op should discuss returning to therapy with her daughter and be clear that she will help her but not enable her.
Yeah or shes just made the anxiety worse for her and now home doesn't feel like a safe space anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Load More Replies...As a person with horrible anxiety. The op is right. Daughter has to learn to cope with life or avoid triggers. Anxiety is terrible. I spend 90% of my life feeling like I have an test that will alter the course of my life in an hour. That said if you don't learn how to live with it you'll be a burden your whole life. Going to the grocery store is a huge trigger for me. Such a basic thing. Sure I could lean on my issues and make the wide do it every time but that not fair. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and not let your disability define you. I was awarded disability for my anxiety. I chose to leave the free money for life on the table and go back to work because I didn't want a life of fixed income. You can still live a full normal life with anxiety but not if someone gives you a safety net and bails you out your whole life.
Speaking from experience and observation, when people with even mild anxiety are coddled it exacerbates the anxiety. You can't learn how to cope with anxiety by avoiding it.
Load More Replies...They did it well, both of them. You can't learn to soothe yourself or find solutions if someone else do.She got therapy,she will have some tools to work with and empower herself . Step outside her comfort zone call an uber and drive home all alone and tell their friends why is already a big move. Parents can tell her she had done good, (even if it feels like a fail to her) without release her from her consequences..
omg the amount of infantilization from the YTA crowd that now claim that an 18 year old is a kid. is it because they don't want to accept they themselves are old since they are not that age? An 18 year old is an adult, legally and otherwise. They can vote, they can drink in most of the world, they drive a car and own property. And they certainly can manage their own mental problems (if they put effort into it like not leaving therapy) or accept the consequences of their own actions.
This. Since when is an 18 year old unable to anticipate consequences? Toddlers can anticipate basic consequences.
Load More Replies...One of the things I read in the responses was that OP had her daughter in therapy to help her cope with her anxiety. The daughter stopped going once she turned 18. I can imagine the conversation was something along the lines of, 'I'm 18, I'm an adult, and I can do what I want to do'. Mom was like, 'fine do what you want. Don't come calling me when you get in a situation '. Actions have consequences.
I agree. If the daughter is refusing to continue therapy then the mom has to put her foot down. If people think her mom not picking her up has created trust issues between them then the daughter has a bigger problem. How many times have you parents, when you were children got upset with parents and lost trust in them. Let’s be real here. If the mom was adamant about her not going to the beach and the daughter got upset with get mom, what would your comments be? Do you think she would be upset and feel a lack of trust with her mom. I promise you are back talking as normal.
Load More Replies...LMAO, all of these YTA's are funny, and this is coming from someone with a full blown panic disorder. She's an adult, she was cautioned ahead of time, her father couldn't just leave work, and she dropped out of therapy that she obviously needs. NTA!
"You abandoned her all alone in a new scary place, far away from home, in the middle of nowhere!!111" Oh for the love of... She wasn't in the middle of nowhere, all alone with nowhere to go. She was in her friends' car & she didn't want to sit there & wait for them to come back. 18 is not a baby!
All the ppl saying "you broke your daughter's trust" .... She said she would not come get her if she insisted on making a bad decision. Now we're saying that *keeping her word* is "breaking trust"???? If the daughter had said she broke her arm or was assaulted or abandoned by her friends, 100% mom would've left work and making like a Valkyrie to get to her. But pick her up because the expected happened? No. The lesson is STOP MAKING DECISIONS OUT OF PIQUE!
This isn't a new condition, these are presumably her close friends, so this won't be unexpected. Daughter took a calculated risk and it didn't work, it was hers to take, as is the Uber.
Could have been handled better but 18yo is going to have to learn some lessons if she wants to cope in the real world. The first one being if someone tells you they think something is a bad idea, listen. Especially if that person is your mother who knows you better than you know yourself. Yes, yes, anxiety - more people have it than you think. It's how you deal with it that matters. 18 needs more therapy with someone to teach her coping mechanism and rationalisation. I can recommend someone here in London ;-)
I think this was a good thing. OP isn’t shielding her daughter from her anxiety anymore and she’s feeling the impact. Once things cool down, op should discuss returning to therapy with her daughter and be clear that she will help her but not enable her.
Yeah or shes just made the anxiety worse for her and now home doesn't feel like a safe space anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Load More Replies...As a person with horrible anxiety. The op is right. Daughter has to learn to cope with life or avoid triggers. Anxiety is terrible. I spend 90% of my life feeling like I have an test that will alter the course of my life in an hour. That said if you don't learn how to live with it you'll be a burden your whole life. Going to the grocery store is a huge trigger for me. Such a basic thing. Sure I could lean on my issues and make the wide do it every time but that not fair. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and not let your disability define you. I was awarded disability for my anxiety. I chose to leave the free money for life on the table and go back to work because I didn't want a life of fixed income. You can still live a full normal life with anxiety but not if someone gives you a safety net and bails you out your whole life.
Speaking from experience and observation, when people with even mild anxiety are coddled it exacerbates the anxiety. You can't learn how to cope with anxiety by avoiding it.
Load More Replies...They did it well, both of them. You can't learn to soothe yourself or find solutions if someone else do.She got therapy,she will have some tools to work with and empower herself . Step outside her comfort zone call an uber and drive home all alone and tell their friends why is already a big move. Parents can tell her she had done good, (even if it feels like a fail to her) without release her from her consequences..



































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