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Dad Learns Daughter Isn’t His Bio Child, Makes Her Life Hell, Years Later She Refuses To Reconcile
Interview With ExpertYou grow up in a household where you are loved by your mom and dad, you share some of the most precious moments with them, and one day your life just falls apart. Turns out, your parents are not what you thought them to be, and all that you’re left with is pain; sounds awful, right?
That’s what happened with Reddit user Winter-Reward6051, who was disowned by her dad after he found out that she was her mom’s affair child. Years later, when she had put all the hurt in the past, he suddenly wanted to “make things right” and expected an invitation to her wedding!
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Sometimes, our parents can hurt us in the most painful way possible because they are so close to us
Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster’s mom had an affair and when the dad made all the kids take a DNA test, she was found to be the affair child
Image credits: Winter-Reward6051
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Dad kicked her out of the house and disowned her even after she begged him not to, which made her life even more difficult as she looked after her depressed mom
Image credits: Winter-Reward6051
Image credits: Rachel Claire / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She eventually found her real dad with whom she slowly bonded, but years later her previous “dad” was offended that she didn’t invite him to her wedding
Image credits: Winter-Reward6051
She didn’t want anything to do with him but he wanted to “make things right” and despite even the family’s pressure, she refused to budge
Today we dive into a tragic story about how the original poster (OP) was disowned by her father when she was just 16, all because she turned out to be her mom’s affair child. She mentions how bad it felt to know that he was not her real dad but it was more painful for her when he kicked her out, even when she begged him not to.
To get a closer look at the impact of the situation, Bored Panda reached out to Friyana Irani, a counseling psychologist who works at CREDO World School in Dahanu and Mind Wellness Centre in Wadala. She mentioned that disowning a child can profoundly impact their mental and emotional development, particularly during adolescence—a critical period for identity formation and personality development.
“The experience of rejection from a parent can lead to feelings of abandonment, low self-esteem, and increased vulnerability to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety,” Friyana added. In this case, the dad’s rejection had a massive impact on OP, as she herself tells us. After all, how can a 16-year bond be broken in a single moment?
She also struggled with her mom, who slipped into depression and ultimately OP had to become the adult in the relationship and take care of her mom while also managing her school life without any parental support. Friyana informed us that the absence of parental support may deprive adolescents of essential guidance and validation while they explore their independence and identity.
She also said that managing a depressed parent while grappling with one’s own trauma as a teenager can impose a significant psychological toll. Friyana stressed that this dual burden often leads to heightened stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation, as the adolescent may feel compelled to take on adult responsibilities or serve as a caregiver, sacrificing their own emotional needs in the process.
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster also painfully narrated how difficult it was when nobody remembered her birthday or only her grandma came to her graduation, making her question why her feelings didn’t matter to anyone. After a lot of struggle and painful moments, her mom finally revealed who her father was, which brought some good moments in OP’s life.
She mentions how she slowly reconciled with him, developed a bond, and he even walked her down the aisle. Now, coming to her wedding, that’s when her “ex-dad” re-entered her life and brought more pain with him.
He expected an invitation to the wedding as he wanted to “make things right with her” and apart from her husband, her family was also pushing her to let go of the grudge and reconcile with him. Well, the poster didn’t want to even speak to him, much less forgive him because she felt he couldn’t just pop back into her life after 9.5 years of absence and expect things to be alright.
Folks online also applauded her for firmly protecting her boundaries and not letting the man disrupt her life all over again. Friyana also emphasized, “Boundaries are crucial in situations where a parent attempts to re-enter a child’s life after years of abandonment. Establishing clear boundaries helps the child protect their emotional well-being and maintain a sense of control over their relationships.”
While netizens sympathized with the poster and why she refused to forgive her “ex-dad”, they also expressed how her mom’s lack of responsibility for the situation must’ve been agonizing for OP. However, people also claimed that bonding with her real dad was probably the best part of the story as he supported her a lot and even helped her mom.
Well, folks, that’s it from our end. Now we hand over things to you so you can freely express your thoughts about the story in the comments below!
Folks online backed her up and mentioned that she was not obliged to forgive someone who had caused her so much hurt and pain
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What do you think ?
- 1 year ago
The ex-dad contacted her before the wedding. Did he do it only because he heard she was getting married? A wedding is not a place for "reconciliation" and showing up at an event is not the way to "make things right". The biological father put in the real work: "it took us time, but we built a bond".
Child of the King 1 year ago
Sometimes it's harder to accept who they really are especially when you're close to them and they hurt you
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago (edited)
I feel a lot of empathy for OP. I’m adopted, but my adoptive dad was an amazing dad. He treated me like who I was: his daughter. I loved him so much. (My adoptive mother is another story - abusive in every way you can abuse a child and she NEVER missed a chance to tell me I was garbage just like my biological mother.) I understand that cheating/an affair child can deeply hurt the cheated-upon, but OP was an innocent in this case, and her “dad” had BEEN her father for 16 years. Ripping that away when one is still a child is devastating. I understand he was in pain. But so was OP - and she was a *child*. “Dad” needed to get some therapy/help and realize he wasn’t the only one suffering. As an aside - I was my dad’s caregiver for 21 years after his accident and I held his hand when he died (I was the ONLY family member who stayed at his side.) As for my mom - I wouldn’t píss on her if she was on fire. My older sister (my adoptive parents’ bio child) keeps bugging me to spend time with mom now that she’s old. ha ha no
person (i think) 1 year ago
LakotaWolf, I am so glad you had someone in your corner ❤️. (p.s. dont cave in to your sister’s demands; your mom doesn’t deserve it and your sister is probably just trying to foist off responsibilities)
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Hphizzle 1 year ago
You kick out the daughter you raised for 16 YEARS because of the actions of her MOTHER??? Excuse me, sir, but you can go to the pits of h.e.l.l. Reconcile at her wedding so you can seem like the hero on her day??? Absolutely not. I don’t think he understands just how much damage he has done to her for something that she had absolutely no control of. Her life is and will be forever better without him in it. And a big screw you to all the “family” who are pushing this on her.
marcelo D. 1 year ago
some people only "love" their children cause they are obliged to be around them. The second he didn't have an obligation, he didn't care about a person he raised 16 years anymore.
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Beak Hookage 1 year ago (edited)
A part of me is nastily wondering whether she married rich and that's the reason the so-called dad tried this on.
JB 1 year ago
Crying. We don’t often get to hear the kids’ side. How it felt, still feels, when the only dad you’ve ever known rejects you because it wasn’t his biological deposit that created you. You’re still the same person, you still love your “dad” but suddenly, he doesn’t love you anymore for an act that you weren’t and aren’t responsible for.
R Dennis 1 year ago
I was an affair baby - immediately obvious if it wasn't known beforehand. But my dad raised me as a son. I never felt treated as other by him and my family (cousins, grandma, aunt) was always just my family. What that guy did to OP "out of anger" was cruel and, agreeing with OP, unforgivable.
CBolt 1 year ago
Good for your dad & I'm happy it happened like it did for you.
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SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
So, the "father" that kicked OP out suddenly wants back in her life after learning she is getting married? Conveniently ignoring the fact that he didn't want anything to do with her when it was her mother who sinned? Well, I'd say to OP that that "father" deserves to be excluded from her life altogether. Make your bed of spikes, now lie in it and be punctured. As for her siblings and grandparents, they may have meant well but did they really expect OP to just let it slide like that? If anything, they should be telling the "father" he deserves no less for pinning the sins of the mother on the daughter. I get that he was betrayed but he took it out on the wrong party. Now, he lives with the consequences. Sheeesh!!!
Jaya 1 year ago
When you find out your child isn't your biological child, your main focus should be to make sure your child still feels loved by you and that you will forever view them as your child. And if you're so hurt that you can't do this, then your number 1 priority is to get therapy to heal that pain, so that you can be there for your child. Think about how heartbreakingly difficult it is for you as an adult, imagine how impossibly hard this situation must be for a child.
Debra Robinson 1 year ago
That selfish putz can just fukc right off and vaporize into nothing.
CBolt 1 year ago (edited)
NTA - I will never understand how/why a man can raise (& presumably love) a child - in this case for 16 years - & immediately upon finding out she's not his biologically his, disown her, kick her out, & completely cancel any feelings he had for her when this is in no way her fault. Put all the blame where it belongs - on the cheating wife. She created the situation & the child is completely innocent. But, ohhhhh, he was hurt when he did what he did. Now, 10 years later, he wants to make amends. And he expects the faux daughter to be receptive. Nope. There's no way he can undo or make up to her for the kind of life his actions left her with. What could he possibly say or do that would change what she went thru - there is no way to make amends. And, yet again, parents (his) minimize the actions of the perpetrator & tell the victim to forgive & forget, or to get over it, or they make excuses for his abominable behavior. So glad OP found her bio dad & even tho OP was a complete surprise to him, he accepted her as part of his family & became her "real" dad, in every sense of the word - the kind iof dad she deserves & should have always have had. OP has made a good life for herself, has found a real dad, & has married. She has absolutely no reason or obligation even to communicate with the man who abandoned her & reopen old wounds. She has set boundaries for her own peace of mind & is bravely sticking to them. The S*B is trying to make himself feel better & doesn't respect her position & wishes or, really, care what further harm he might do to her if he continues to try to get into her life again. OP, hold your ground.
Paul Rabit 1 year ago
Her life. Her terms. I wish her a wonderful life with the people who didn't abandon her.
Nimitz 1 year ago
Oh hell no! 16 years as her father and you KICK HER OUT! F**K NO! Parents who kick their kids out are going to a special place in hell. She nailed it on the head. He abandoned her, she has EVERY right to abandon him. What a staggering display of abuse! F**k that guy with a rusty iron spike
Max Fox 1 year ago
I can understand the dad not wanting anything to do with the child of his wife's affair, even though she is entirely innocent, though a real adult would have gone through some therapy, and considered what it's like for the kid that he raised for 16 years. He's an AH, of course, especially since he thinks that he gets to decide when a relationship will exist. The bigger AH is still the mother. Her "depression" seems more like a long self-pity party, during which she expects to be waited on and taken care of by her main victim. Essentially, everybody there was an AH except for the OP, their maternal grandparents and their bio-father.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
If someone discards you like trash, then you discard them the same way. There is no possible forgiveness for hurting an innocent person, regardless of how much you are hurting.
Lara Verne 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, cheating is huge issue, and being cheated on really hurts, but you can't blame kid for it. I just don't understand how can someone raise kid for 16 years and then threw them out like garbage, just because they arent biologically his.
Sara Shamsabadi 11 months ago
wow, you poor thing I'm so sorry you had to go through such an awful experience! It seems unimaginable for them to have handled this whole ordeal so poorly...they all abandoned you; your mother, your father and where in the world were your siblings? Yes they were young too but why weren't they at your graduation at least? Aren't you the youngest, my goodness my heart breaks for you. You have ZERO obligation to either of your parents, I would never have contact with your mother nor your father ever again. It's easy for us to just look in shock & awe & say that, but seriously these people are not sane, please protect yourself & keep your distance. Good luck with your adopted family & your relationship, you deserve peace & happiness & people that love you.
Kate Johnson 1 year ago
Who cares what this guy wants. He has no role whatsoever in her life. Why would this guy think he would be invited to the wedding or included in any way in this woman's life? He made his choice, it's over, there's no relationship, there will never be a relationship. He needs to just accept that the bridge he recklessly burnt will never be rebuilt. He's nothing to her. I'd tell all his flying monkeys that there's plenty of room on the "no contact" bus for them as well if they'd like to continue to bring this up.
Elke Knupp 1 year ago
What about her siblings??? How absolutely crappy of them to abandon her as well. Is there any relationship with them now ten years later? An innocent teen girl getting abandon by the only father she’s ever known is beyond cruel and will have lasting affects. And it seems not even her siblings cared.
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 year ago
Even if the shithead dad wanted to truly reconcile (immense doubt, no way) you don't do it at someone's WEDDING.
Lindsay A 1 year ago
Yeah, he was upset (devastated) to find out his wife cheated and had a baby by another man. I get it, I really do. However, that should not negate the bond built while he raised her. Family therapy, therapy for dad, or just plain old fashioned working through it. He should have left, not her, if it was too much for him. As far as she was concerned he WAS her father and is understandably equally (or more) devastated by the information. Actions have consequences. He made his decision first. She can do what she wants for her own sanity.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 1 year ago
Its been awhile since Ive read such and extreme NTA story. That so called man deserves to d*e alone, hated, shamed and wallowing in misery. Hes absolutely NEVER EVER under any circumstances deserves forgiveness. Human garbage at its purest. An truly evil person.
Natasha Clark 1 year ago
OP is so nice, I would have went no contact with both my mom & her ex husband (they're equally the AH). She created this mess & the husband had every right to react the way he did. However, he cannot expect a warm welcome back into OP's life after seeing she's not his kid since an affair baby. Clearly not her fault the product of her mom's affair.
Big Mike (BigMike7302) 3 weeks ago
F him; he made his choice so she made hers. he can whine all he wants, but consequences have actions, so F him
Shelley Colleen 3 weeks ago
Imagine being such a self-centered ăsshōle that you are able to blithely toss aside the child YOU have fathered for 15 fŭkking years like she was garbage, simply because you're angry at the woman who cheated on you YEARS ago. Our protagonist was stripped of her emotional skin and then tossed into a vat of acid. It's AMAZING she survived and she'll probably be dealing with the painful fallout from this abūse for the rest of her life! Thank heavens she has a loving husband now. Hopefully, ex-dad and his entire horrible family fall into an active volcano or something before they can hurt her any worse.
- 1 year ago
The ex-dad contacted her before the wedding. Did he do it only because he heard she was getting married? A wedding is not a place for "reconciliation" and showing up at an event is not the way to "make things right". The biological father put in the real work: "it took us time, but we built a bond".
Child of the King 1 year ago
Sometimes it's harder to accept who they really are especially when you're close to them and they hurt you
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago (edited)
I feel a lot of empathy for OP. I’m adopted, but my adoptive dad was an amazing dad. He treated me like who I was: his daughter. I loved him so much. (My adoptive mother is another story - abusive in every way you can abuse a child and she NEVER missed a chance to tell me I was garbage just like my biological mother.) I understand that cheating/an affair child can deeply hurt the cheated-upon, but OP was an innocent in this case, and her “dad” had BEEN her father for 16 years. Ripping that away when one is still a child is devastating. I understand he was in pain. But so was OP - and she was a *child*. “Dad” needed to get some therapy/help and realize he wasn’t the only one suffering. As an aside - I was my dad’s caregiver for 21 years after his accident and I held his hand when he died (I was the ONLY family member who stayed at his side.) As for my mom - I wouldn’t píss on her if she was on fire. My older sister (my adoptive parents’ bio child) keeps bugging me to spend time with mom now that she’s old. ha ha no
person (i think) 1 year ago
LakotaWolf, I am so glad you had someone in your corner ❤️. (p.s. dont cave in to your sister’s demands; your mom doesn’t deserve it and your sister is probably just trying to foist off responsibilities)
Load More Replies... Hphizzle 1 year ago
You kick out the daughter you raised for 16 YEARS because of the actions of her MOTHER??? Excuse me, sir, but you can go to the pits of h.e.l.l. Reconcile at her wedding so you can seem like the hero on her day??? Absolutely not. I don’t think he understands just how much damage he has done to her for something that she had absolutely no control of. Her life is and will be forever better without him in it. And a big screw you to all the “family” who are pushing this on her.
marcelo D. 1 year ago
some people only "love" their children cause they are obliged to be around them. The second he didn't have an obligation, he didn't care about a person he raised 16 years anymore.
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 1 year ago (edited)
A part of me is nastily wondering whether she married rich and that's the reason the so-called dad tried this on.
JB 1 year ago
Crying. We don’t often get to hear the kids’ side. How it felt, still feels, when the only dad you’ve ever known rejects you because it wasn’t his biological deposit that created you. You’re still the same person, you still love your “dad” but suddenly, he doesn’t love you anymore for an act that you weren’t and aren’t responsible for.
R Dennis 1 year ago
I was an affair baby - immediately obvious if it wasn't known beforehand. But my dad raised me as a son. I never felt treated as other by him and my family (cousins, grandma, aunt) was always just my family. What that guy did to OP "out of anger" was cruel and, agreeing with OP, unforgivable.
CBolt 1 year ago
Good for your dad & I'm happy it happened like it did for you.
Load More Replies... SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
So, the "father" that kicked OP out suddenly wants back in her life after learning she is getting married? Conveniently ignoring the fact that he didn't want anything to do with her when it was her mother who sinned? Well, I'd say to OP that that "father" deserves to be excluded from her life altogether. Make your bed of spikes, now lie in it and be punctured. As for her siblings and grandparents, they may have meant well but did they really expect OP to just let it slide like that? If anything, they should be telling the "father" he deserves no less for pinning the sins of the mother on the daughter. I get that he was betrayed but he took it out on the wrong party. Now, he lives with the consequences. Sheeesh!!!
Jaya 1 year ago
When you find out your child isn't your biological child, your main focus should be to make sure your child still feels loved by you and that you will forever view them as your child. And if you're so hurt that you can't do this, then your number 1 priority is to get therapy to heal that pain, so that you can be there for your child. Think about how heartbreakingly difficult it is for you as an adult, imagine how impossibly hard this situation must be for a child.
Debra Robinson 1 year ago
That selfish putz can just fukc right off and vaporize into nothing.
CBolt 1 year ago (edited)
NTA - I will never understand how/why a man can raise (& presumably love) a child - in this case for 16 years - & immediately upon finding out she's not his biologically his, disown her, kick her out, & completely cancel any feelings he had for her when this is in no way her fault. Put all the blame where it belongs - on the cheating wife. She created the situation & the child is completely innocent. But, ohhhhh, he was hurt when he did what he did. Now, 10 years later, he wants to make amends. And he expects the faux daughter to be receptive. Nope. There's no way he can undo or make up to her for the kind of life his actions left her with. What could he possibly say or do that would change what she went thru - there is no way to make amends. And, yet again, parents (his) minimize the actions of the perpetrator & tell the victim to forgive & forget, or to get over it, or they make excuses for his abominable behavior. So glad OP found her bio dad & even tho OP was a complete surprise to him, he accepted her as part of his family & became her "real" dad, in every sense of the word - the kind iof dad she deserves & should have always have had. OP has made a good life for herself, has found a real dad, & has married. She has absolutely no reason or obligation even to communicate with the man who abandoned her & reopen old wounds. She has set boundaries for her own peace of mind & is bravely sticking to them. The S*B is trying to make himself feel better & doesn't respect her position & wishes or, really, care what further harm he might do to her if he continues to try to get into her life again. OP, hold your ground.
Paul Rabit 1 year ago
Her life. Her terms. I wish her a wonderful life with the people who didn't abandon her.
Nimitz 1 year ago
Oh hell no! 16 years as her father and you KICK HER OUT! F**K NO! Parents who kick their kids out are going to a special place in hell. She nailed it on the head. He abandoned her, she has EVERY right to abandon him. What a staggering display of abuse! F**k that guy with a rusty iron spike
Max Fox 1 year ago
I can understand the dad not wanting anything to do with the child of his wife's affair, even though she is entirely innocent, though a real adult would have gone through some therapy, and considered what it's like for the kid that he raised for 16 years. He's an AH, of course, especially since he thinks that he gets to decide when a relationship will exist. The bigger AH is still the mother. Her "depression" seems more like a long self-pity party, during which she expects to be waited on and taken care of by her main victim. Essentially, everybody there was an AH except for the OP, their maternal grandparents and their bio-father.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
If someone discards you like trash, then you discard them the same way. There is no possible forgiveness for hurting an innocent person, regardless of how much you are hurting.
Lara Verne 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, cheating is huge issue, and being cheated on really hurts, but you can't blame kid for it. I just don't understand how can someone raise kid for 16 years and then threw them out like garbage, just because they arent biologically his.
Sara Shamsabadi 11 months ago
wow, you poor thing I'm so sorry you had to go through such an awful experience! It seems unimaginable for them to have handled this whole ordeal so poorly...they all abandoned you; your mother, your father and where in the world were your siblings? Yes they were young too but why weren't they at your graduation at least? Aren't you the youngest, my goodness my heart breaks for you. You have ZERO obligation to either of your parents, I would never have contact with your mother nor your father ever again. It's easy for us to just look in shock & awe & say that, but seriously these people are not sane, please protect yourself & keep your distance. Good luck with your adopted family & your relationship, you deserve peace & happiness & people that love you.
Kate Johnson 1 year ago
Who cares what this guy wants. He has no role whatsoever in her life. Why would this guy think he would be invited to the wedding or included in any way in this woman's life? He made his choice, it's over, there's no relationship, there will never be a relationship. He needs to just accept that the bridge he recklessly burnt will never be rebuilt. He's nothing to her. I'd tell all his flying monkeys that there's plenty of room on the "no contact" bus for them as well if they'd like to continue to bring this up.
Elke Knupp 1 year ago
What about her siblings??? How absolutely crappy of them to abandon her as well. Is there any relationship with them now ten years later? An innocent teen girl getting abandon by the only father she’s ever known is beyond cruel and will have lasting affects. And it seems not even her siblings cared.
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 year ago
Even if the shithead dad wanted to truly reconcile (immense doubt, no way) you don't do it at someone's WEDDING.
Lindsay A 1 year ago
Yeah, he was upset (devastated) to find out his wife cheated and had a baby by another man. I get it, I really do. However, that should not negate the bond built while he raised her. Family therapy, therapy for dad, or just plain old fashioned working through it. He should have left, not her, if it was too much for him. As far as she was concerned he WAS her father and is understandably equally (or more) devastated by the information. Actions have consequences. He made his decision first. She can do what she wants for her own sanity.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 1 year ago
Its been awhile since Ive read such and extreme NTA story. That so called man deserves to d*e alone, hated, shamed and wallowing in misery. Hes absolutely NEVER EVER under any circumstances deserves forgiveness. Human garbage at its purest. An truly evil person.
Natasha Clark 1 year ago
OP is so nice, I would have went no contact with both my mom & her ex husband (they're equally the AH). She created this mess & the husband had every right to react the way he did. However, he cannot expect a warm welcome back into OP's life after seeing she's not his kid since an affair baby. Clearly not her fault the product of her mom's affair.
Big Mike (BigMike7302) 3 weeks ago
F him; he made his choice so she made hers. he can whine all he wants, but consequences have actions, so F him
Shelley Colleen 3 weeks ago
Imagine being such a self-centered ăsshōle that you are able to blithely toss aside the child YOU have fathered for 15 fŭkking years like she was garbage, simply because you're angry at the woman who cheated on you YEARS ago. Our protagonist was stripped of her emotional skin and then tossed into a vat of acid. It's AMAZING she survived and she'll probably be dealing with the painful fallout from this abūse for the rest of her life! Thank heavens she has a loving husband now. Hopefully, ex-dad and his entire horrible family fall into an active volcano or something before they can hurt her any worse.
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