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“What Did ‘That’ Parent Do That Ended Your Relationship With Them?” (30 Answers)
Parents are among the most important people in our lives; they're supposed to protect us from harm, give us comfort and love, and raise us to be great human beings. Sadly, our relationships with them are not always as great as they're supposed to be. Some people experience horrible childhoods and treatment from their parents, so much so that they decide to cut ties with them and never see or speak to them again.
This online user asked those people to share their stories and explain what happened — and let us warn you, these experiences are absolutely heartbreaking, ranging from sad to infuriating. The stories give us a glimpse into their lives, and the raw emotions they share can teach us to value the great relationships around us and inspire us to give up the toxic ones.
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#1
My new drunken stepfather attacked me and tried to chock me out… my mother did nothing but watch and took his side.. 22 years later I still have never spoken to her since..
Phoebe Bean 2 years ago
Sorry that your mother turned out to be worst than this awful stepfather.
Anne Jones 2 years ago
I don’t blame you! I’d happily do time if anyone hurt my (now grown up) kids!
Rainbow Butterfly 🦋 2 years ago
I'm so sorry! At least you know what is right and have cut ties with your mother, she sounds horrible
Androgyny Lunacy 2 years ago
My dad punched me because I was trying to defend my mom from him. He was withdrawing from drugs. And I still have less hard feelings for him than I do her. At least he had reasons for being abusive..
Laurel Gurley 2 years ago
The Dr gas insights? How about the mother protecting the daughter!!!!!????!?
We spoke to Dr. Gleb Tsipursky about this topic and he had some very interesting insights on the relationships of kids and parents: "One of the major mistakes parents often make while raising their children is failing to provide them with a balanced environment of support and independence. It's crucial to understand that children need to be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. Overprotecting or micromanaging their lives can hinder their ability to develop essential problem-solving skills and resilience. Additionally, not acknowledging or validating their emotions can lead to emotional intelligence deficits in the future."
RELATED:
#2
Long story short. My brother got shot and was in ICU for a month. My brother's condition went south and my parents were MIA. A decision needed to be made wether or not we pull the plug. That decision fell on me. At 24, I had to make that choice with no parents in sight and I decided to pull the plug.
Bex 2 years ago (edited)
Asked to make same decision for my mom at age 15. Probably because the 'adults' in my life were accustomed to my being the most responsible person in the room. Parents don't always parent.
Aniviel 2 years ago
I'm sorry you had to face that at such a young age. It was bad enough for me in my mid-50's {{{hugs}}}
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Seadog 2 years ago
This is the one decision no one wants to even think about and many can't make it, let alone make the right one when the time comes. To be sure the authority for my life lies in the hands of a cousin who is a doctor. Although I have since remarried and new wife agrees that there is no life on a machine.
ILoveMySon 2 years ago
In the USA, you can get a "Do Not Resuscitate" order from your doctor as well. I am terminally ill and got one to avoid confusion for my family.
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#3
Well the last straw was when my father convinced my grandparents to get me kicked out of their house while I was finishing up university by telling them that the hookah I was partaking in every few weeks was an illegal drug. During finals which was pretty fun.
Oh and the part where he told me he hoped I died by getting in a motorcycle crash. Followed by weeks of incessant voice-mails of him drunkenly threatening me wanting to meet up for a fight.
There was also that time he beat the s**t out of me when I stood up for my mom during one of his drunken rages at a camping trip.
Oh and who can forget that one time he left me a voice-mail telling me "this is your fault" and then shooting his gun into the air making it seem he had just offed himself. But it was just a manipulation tactic. That was a fun one.
Nothing like some childhood trauma to make someone grow up quickly.
Edit: wow this got a lot of attention. For anyone wondering, yes, I did use this as a role model of what not to be as I got older. I haven't spoken with pretty much any of my family except my mother for the last decade. I'm in a loving relationship now getting married this year and do not plan on having any children. My dad's last name dies with me.
Hans Georg 2 years ago
He could take his wife's last name, too. At least in my country.
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Lena 2 years ago
I'm sorry that you went through that. No one should ever experience such things in their life. It sounds like your father and mine are cut from the same cloth. I don't drink because of him. I never have and never will. I hate golf because he used his nine iron on me, many times over. I hate camping because he did the same thing with iron hot dog/marshmallow roasting sticks. I hate hunting because he gave me a rabbit on my birthday, only to take us to a field a few weeks later and proceeded to shoot it and skin it in front of me, forcing me to hold the skinned body afterwards. I hate fishing and eating any seafood because he used to force me to eat the gutted innards from cleaning the fish we caught at the lake. He frequently left me with his pedophile friend every other weekend to pay off debts while he went bar hopping on his joint custody nights. I was six through ten during those years. I will never have kids because of him. I avoid relationships because of him. It's not worth it.
Busy Panda 2 years ago
I'm really really sorry these happened to you. My father was never abusive, physically or verbally, just irresponsible and neglectful. But it was enough to make me avoid romantic relationships and having kids. If I were you I had hired someone to off him. I hope you are in a much better place now.
Load More Replies... tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
Please change your last name. It doesn't need to be your new spouse, but I think you'd be a little happier without sharing that sperm donors name. I'm so sorry for what you went through.
Got Myself 4 Pandas 2 years ago
Take your partners name. If you don’t want kids that’s your choice. But don’t not have them if it’s only to spite your dad - live your life the way that makes you happy in the long term, if that involves being a parent then go for it, if it doesn’t then enjoy life with your spouse and never look back but make sure the choices you make are for you and not those you have left behind.
CHRISTY SMITH 2 years ago
The part where you thought he off’d himself seems like a highlight, not a negative, I would have been ecstatic.
Anett Szondra 2 years ago
Men can take their wifes name. And the child too. Horrible childhood story.....
Danielle Elsky 2 years ago
You could take your soon to be spouse's last name when you get married if you both agree. There is nothing wrong with that if you want. When I got married, i just kept my last name. Sorry that you had to go through that.
Danielle Elsky 2 years ago
You could always take your spouse's name when you get if you both agree. There is nothing wrong with a name change if you want. Sorry you had to go through that.
Dr. Gleb Tsipursky shared his own run-ins with "bad" parenting: "In my experience, one of the most damaging things parents can do to their relationship with their children is to consistently prioritize their own needs and desires over those of their children. I've encountered situations where parents, due to their own ambitions or insecurities, have imposed their own dreams and aspirations on their children, disregarding the child's individual interests and abilities. This can lead to resentment and can significantly strain the parent-child relationship."
#4
She knew I was being abused from age 3 onwards and let it happen. Multiple men. When the last one raised his hand to me (I was 24) I went completely NC. A few years later she got cancer, I let her back into my life, I invited her to my wedding, where she spent the entire day talking about how it was a shame I couldn’t lose more weight in time and insulting every aspect of the wedding quietly to my now-MIL who had helped with everything.
I sat her down a few days later (she was staying at my house as the wedding was far from her home) and asked for the comments about my weight to stop. I used all the language I learned in therapy, explaining how it made me feel, trying to not be accusatory but instead cooperative. She started scream crying and ran out of the room. I left to stay with my in laws. I haven’t seen her since. She won’t be meeting the baby I’m pregnant with and when she dies, I won’t be attending the funeral.
Panda Kicki 2 years ago
You have been more then generous. So sorry you had to have that trauma. Glad you have a nice MIL, family dont mean blood.
Id row 2 years ago
My mother did something like this. As we were walking into the church for the rehearsal, she was behind me and said, "I thought you had lost weight, but I guess not." Thanks, mom. I brought it up to her years later and she denies saying it. Like that's something that's not seared into my brain.
Sparkle 2 years ago
I cut my egg donor out of my life permanently when I was 18. There is no shame in cutting ties with toxic trash and dumpster fires. Be the stronger person and just walk away. Anyone who allows their children to come to harm at the hands of anyone (especially repeatedly) is less than dog s**t that's buried in the yard. I have no respect or tolerance for them.
Rainbow Butterfly 🦋 2 years ago
She was commenting on your weight at your wedding? Why would someone do that? Does it even really matter anyway- if you want to lose weight that's fine and we shouldn't judge, but her comments were completely uncalled for
tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
I'm so sorry. But I'm happy you've gone NC. I wish you all the happiness.
#5
My mom introduced my older brother to heroin. He passed away early last year from an overdose. I don’t think I can ever forgive her for taking the only family I’ve ever really cared about away from me
Androgyny Lunacy 2 years ago (edited)
And my mom did nothing to help my sister when she got molested at 9 which eventually lead to heroin, my mom ran away from her drug problem, and my sister died. And she takes zero responsibility. My sister was emotionally more of a mother than my mother is. So f**k my mom.
Demongrrrrl 2 years ago
Sending you Internet love and big virtual hugs.🤗❤️
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The expert gave some tips for those who want to nurture a great relationship with their kids: "When aiming to foster a great relationship with your children, it's important to remember that respect is a two-way street. Just as we expect our children to respect us, we must also respect them. This includes respecting their individuality, their feelings, their opinions, and their space. It's also crucial to maintain open lines of communication, to listen actively when they speak, and to be honest yet age-appropriately tactful in our responses."
#6
Short and simple answer: He started treating my son the way he treated me when I was growing up. Ended up going NC before my daughter was born. No way in hell was I going to expose my kids to the trauma I endured as a child.
Androgyny Lunacy 2 years ago
This is what I'm going through right now. I kept going back and forth. The whole "awww my daughters like her" and gave her chance after chance to talk to me or prove she is different than when she was my parent and nope... She favors and buys one of my daughters over the other. And still lies to me. I can't imagine what she will lie to my daughter about if I continue to let her into her life. I hope I have the strength to grow and let go for real this time...
Demongrrrrl 2 years ago
Shut her out. The "favored" granddaughter will probably be very angry at you for a while but be strong.
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Eithne Griffiths 2 years ago
My brother sexually abused me for years, my mother said it didn't happen because "we are a good Catholic family"
Vicki Cunningham 2 years ago
My mother did something to my 5 yr old daughter that she had done to me. Never let her babysit again. I stopped talking to her when my daughter was 7.
Karen Lyon 2 years ago (edited)
Good for you. My late Dad did that, the five of us never met our paternal grandfather. His mother died when I was three, none of us remember her. I do have older cousins who remember them both; they have nothing good to say about our grandfather, lots of of loving memories of our grandmother. My Dad was a wonderful father, I know he worked really hard to be a better man than the one who raised him. I wish this poster all kinds of good luck.
#7
She hired a guy to shoot the girl I dated (and then later married)
rob 2 years ago
Yes of course. How else to prevent your kid from dating the wrong person? Just take em out.
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Vicki Cunningham 2 years ago
No it's not legal. She should be in jail for solicitation to commit murder.
Florence O'Grady 2 years ago
Because of the Civil War or the War of Aggression or the War Between the States, which happened from April 1861 to April 1865, in the United States of America. Some people still separate themselves and others by saying down south (the states that chose to separate from the USA) from up north (the states that chose not to separate from the USA). Even though the "War" is long over and we are united once again, some will not let the past stay in the past. The war was long, involved, and there were many reasons for it. Historians still go over that part of our history and there are many historical sites that can be visited about this war.
Load More Replies..."If parents want to raise children who enjoy their company, they should strive to create a home environment that encourages open communication, mutual respect, and genuine interest in each other's lives. Spend quality time with your children, engage in activities that they enjoy, and show interest in their passions. Encourage their independence and decision-making skills, but also provide guidance and support when needed. Most importantly, be a role model for the values you wish to instill in them. Remember, children are more likely to learn from what they see you do than from what you tell them to," shared Dr. Gleb Tsipursky.
#8
After a childhood ripe with physical, emotional and psychological abuse followed by limited contact through my 20’s, I finally decided to confront my mother. She agreed to go to therapy with me. A couple days later she started asking questions about the cost to which I said I’d pay. A couple days after that she was asking about how often we had to go. A couple days after that she said she didn’t want to go because I’d “expose her.” I was then told that the abuse I endured was my fault because I had given up on being a good son.
This all happened 4 years ago and I went no contact immediately after. My life has gotten better since then.
Vicki Cunningham 2 years ago
It took therapy to realize I could never make my mother "happy" about me. She would have to do that. Funny thing, I was a straight A student, never in trouble with drugs or the law. I just didn't get it. So I stopped talking to her.
Anett Szondra 2 years ago
It makes my blood boil to see some humans can reproduce as they like, and couldn't give a f about their own children. Whereas others have to go to hell 50 times for years for a baby. Life is sooo fraking not fair!!! And if to be a parent is the hardest job ever, how come anyone van do it without a paper or certificate?
#9
Had a mental health crisis and my parents cut me off from all my resources. Took my meds away, took car keys, canceled my phone plan, froze my bank account, and my mom even went in to my job and told them I was crazy, had me put off work indefinitely.
I was 28 and lived alone, they told people I had a drug problem, my mom even called the cops on me several times over the next couple weeks when I wouldn’t talk to her. I got assigned a case worker because I was considered “high risk for petty crimes” because cops had dozens of calls from my parents.
They’ve been manipulative and emotionally abusive my whole life but this was a new level of insanity. They ripped my whole life apart and I’m still working to rebuild it. We haven’t spoken at all in several months, had to file a police report recently because my mom started stalking me and my partner around town. Thankfully it’s been quiet since then
kissmychakram 2 years ago
Bloody hell. Move as far away as you can. Heck, change your name if necessary.
Lillian Charter 2 years ago
Just get that guy who was hired to shoot that guys partner up a few posts together your mum out of the picture lol
Load More Replies... Hans Georg 2 years ago
How can they freeze your bank account when you are 28? No bank in my country would do that. It is illegal.
MiriPanda 2 years ago
I also doubt that police over here (Germany) would take their claims of drug use and "craziness" at face value.
Load More Replies... Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
What‘s with the downvotes of perfectly reasonable questions? At least give an explanation, because it really does not make sense those parents could have done all this to a 28 year old!
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
I'm confused. You were 28 and lived alone, but multiple people and corporations allowed your parents to take away your meds and car keys, cancel your phone plan, freeze your bank account, and fire you? Also, when the police get "dozens of calls" by people making false reports, they generally take action against those people, not against the subject of the false reports. Either this is poorly written or it's BS.
AK to LV 2 years ago
I think their are from a country where English is their second language.
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kim davies 2 years ago
Leave the country if you can, change your name and go NC hard. That is some messed up stuff.
tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
Please go NC! Your parents are terrible people. You'll be much happier without them.
Featherking 2 years ago
But… how? If OP is 28, this is just impossible to do where I live, nobody can “withhold” anything for an adult here or do any of the above mentioned. I’m confused.
Lizz 2 years ago
Sounds familiar. My mom managed to drive a court worker to a burn-out by sending him 10 letters every day. She managed to drive the police insane by calling 112 at 3 AM that we had placed a bomb car in front of her door. My husband was accused of child molestation and she tried to kidnap my kid out of kindergarten. She cost me 2 jobs- got me accused of stealing out of the cash register and told my boss I had a drug problem . Stalked the sh!t out of us for almost 20 years. Last letter I got -via my brother- was when we settled my dad’s estate ( they divorced almost 30 years ago ) I never read it. Tossed it in the trash. I’m not going to her funeral but if she tries to cut me off from my inheritance I’m going to court. That woman has cost me a fortune in debt ( caused by her forging my signature) and not sending through bills on time after she kicked me out, so I’m reclaiming every.single.euro.
Xenia Harley 2 years ago
People, in general, do not realize the awful h@ll some parents put their children through. I went NC with my father, and really didn't feel anything when he passed. I wish I had gone NC sooner with my sister.
We also managed to get an interview with the online user who asked the question: “I asked the question because I know it’s a prevalent issue that isn’t discussed enough or is often dismissed when discussed. I personally have had my fair share of experiences with my own family that made me feel alone, and I felt that fostering an environment that started a conversation about it among a diverse group would help myself and others who grapple with the issue.”
#10
My mom has been a s**t mom my whole life. She put me in a motel at 14(f) didn't believe that our land lord tried to r**e me, beat me for flushing her drugs at 8 years old, a bunch of horrible s**t that I got past. What did it for me was how she treated my lil brother. He was her "do over" baby as she lost all three of her other kids. She gaslit him, manipulated him, pushed him to an eating disorder and ignored it when she found out. He came out as a lesbian at 12 and trans at 14. She constantly dead named him, told him he was going through a faze, and tried to isolate him. We talked several times about how this could lead to her destroying her relationship with him at best him committing suicide at worst. She would play nice for a day or two and be right back at it. She kept this up through his highschool years. Not surprisingly he wanted to move out immediately at 18 and asked if he could stay with us. She got wind and decided she would move to a whole a*s different state with him and force him to stay with her. She threatened suicide if he left her, cut us off from communicating completely and started packing everything they owned so they could move right after he graduated. As soon as he turned 18 I flew out and got him. He has been with me ever since. When I got him, he had the life skills of a 10 year old and the personality of a mouse. He said he was sorry for literally anything and everything, too scared to go outside by himself. Now he has a driver's license, a job, goes out on his own to explore. He is in therapy and making great strides. How my mother treated my brother was the straw that broke the camels back.
Isaac Nemo 2 years ago
I'm glad this one has a happier ending. People, you can stop scrolling at any time, we don't have to do this to ourselves
daniel ikelman 2 years ago
Have to censor the word rape? You guys are ridiculous. F**k bored panda.
Lillian Charter 2 years ago
Should have let him leave her. Let her do that to herself. Old bag.
James Heinle 2 years ago
Sounds like your mom really messed his head up. Hopefully he's decided he's no longer a girl or lesbian. That's a major step in recovering from mental illness.
#11
My mother couldn't stand my wife. Twelve years after we got married my mother still referred to my wife as 'my roommate.' She was constantly trying to break us up.
After my father died I stopped contact with her completely. She passed away last year, twelve years after my father. She was such a spiteful woman . . .
BEATRICE SIEGEL 2 years ago
Good for you! I hope she wasn't abusive in your younger years tho.
They continued sharing why they asked the question and shared some personal experiences: “My parents very much teetered on the edge of being physically abusive - they would tamper with dental tools, which resulted in my not being able to eat or talk due to pain. They would frequently put me down and tell me what was and wasn’t right, but not based on morals - rather what they wanted for me and what they regretted doing/not doing in their own childhoods. They would throw me in a psychiatric ward for minor reasons claiming that I was suicidal, whether or not that was the case. It was very alienating to walk on eggshells for so long - I forgot what was and wasn’t normal to others and had a hard time coming to terms with how irregular my upbringing was.”
#12
He screamed and beat me every day of my 15 years of childhood with him. I would get silent to try and get away, and that would throw him into a blind rage. A child sitting silent would set him off. His voice rings in my ears, his blood red face with his brilliant blue eyes in contrast, the spit all over my face. When I was little and he would throw me into the rocks outside. I was horrifically abused. Every. Day. Of. My. Life. I can not stress enough, this was every second of every day.
It got to the point where I trusted no one. Absolutely no one. I can't even look people in the eyes. Like a beaten dog in a cage; I would bite everyone's hand that tried to help. I had no one come to my aid. Including my mom. That was my stepfather, and she would watch, encourage, and join in against me.
For a while, he destroyed my humanity and left me a husk. I'm just beginning to find that humanity again. I've come an extremely long way. It was me who sought therapy.
Pyla 2 years ago
I think some hate mail to the hospice would be in order.
Load More Replies... Xenia Harley 2 years ago
OMG, virtual hugs. How awful. I don't know why some people find this acceptable. I had a similar childhood, but it was own father. Please go NC.
Vicki Cunningham 2 years ago
Makes me so angry. I think people like this should not be allowed to exist.
#13
Well my dad died when I was 14, which kinds f****d that one up.
But my mother is a steaming pile of human garbage how kicked me out of home because I wasn't being loving, friendly and supportive of my brother. He had moved back home while waiting for the court system to put him in jail for being a pedophile.
He showed no remorse. He victim blamed. He minimised his actions. He acted like he had never done anything wrong.
I get that she had to support him. I understand that she is the one who needs to house him and do the jail visits and all that. But to tell me that I need to be his f*****g friend during all of that. For trying to say that some of his actions were because of my previous issues with him. For trying to say that a 2 year old led him on, or actively participated. For trying to blame the child's mum and extended family on that side. She can go and get in f*****g bed with that scum, and the day she is finally dead the world will be a better place for it.
And that was only the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.
BetterBitterButter 2 years ago
A sicko is blaming the victim? Victim who were kids? Poor kids! And I hope he went to jail for life.OP was right to go NC with mom.
Hans Georg 2 years ago
Let's hope your prisons are like ours. You can steal, you can even murder, but never touch a woman or a child. Prison will be hell.
DarkViolet 2 years ago
Same here in the U.S. Rob a gas station, the gun accidentally discharges, killing the owner: "Bummer, man." Come home from work, find your wife in bed with your best friend, pull out a gun and end them: "Yeah, I probably would have done the same thing." Molest/rape women or children? Your days are numbered.
Load More Replies... Got Myself 4 Pandas 2 years ago
No matter the age it is NEVER the victims fault. These subhuman creatures will do what they want with zero remorse and believe their own lies that a child could ever lead them on - it’s absolutely impossible. I was 10 when I was hurt and I had zero clue what was going on and why - a f*****g two year old? How could anyone? I really hope that child got the help and support they need to recover - stuff like this changes a child forever, it changes everything and these monsters do it for self satisfaction regardless. In my eyes it’s worse than murder, you’ve killed off the child that would have been and left a traumatised person behind to try and pick up the pieces, it’s a life long struggle. I’m 41 now, I still struggle at times though I’m very much in a great place. But it’s been a long road and I often wonder what I’d have been like if certain things never happened.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
Sadly, if it was a girl, she might have suffered internal damages making her infertile or give her other problems. If it was a boy, I don‘t even want to think what might have happened internally. Hopefully they were too young to remember it later…. That‘s the only „bright side“ I can think of. Obviously not very „bright“
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Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
A 2 year old? 2? I …. want to penetrate him with a very dull knife with lots of barbed hooks and then let starving ferrets feast on him
Carnage 1 year ago
Don't forget to dip his feet in salt water and let your goats run wild
Load More Replies... DarkViolet 2 years ago
This is the problem with our justice system: letting these fiends out on bail/parole. It's as if the whole situation isn't being taken seriously at all. No wonder people go vigilante and off these creatures.
They shared what is important to keep in mind to have a good relationship with your kids: “I believe the most important thing is to hold on to your own childhood memories: How isolating was it to completely disagree with a parent? How hard was it to tell said parents your secrets or fears? How much difference do you feel about controversial topics as a new adult?"
#14
My girlfriend died, my cat died, my car got stolen—that’s not even the whole list but it all happened so fast.
I called mom for some love and support. She told me, “just remember: everything bad that happens to you is YOUR fault.”
Thanks for the pep talk, ma.
Karma Black 2 years ago
My "mother" would say the same, but with different words. "Everything that's happened to you, you've brought upon yourself." That includes SA at 10 years old, and getting beaten nearly to death by total strangers who didn't like that I was Goth at 16.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
As my mom would say, "Objects can be replaced. Lives and love hurt the most. Someone steals something? Call the police or buy a new one. Something breaks your heart? That takes time, and you need the support of friends and family" She would then take care of you until you felt better. I do miss my mom
Settled for Infamy 2 years ago
I had pretty much an identical experience and when I cried, my mother got me committed, lying I was suicidal. 1 month at the mercy of my nasty next of kin, pumped full of drugs that scared the daylights out of me. All my fault. I'll NEVER be the same after the horror I endured, when all I wanted was a Hug. So sorry you've had such an experience OP ❤️
Anne Jones 2 years ago
She’s totally wrong! Bad things happen to good people. It’s not your fault!
Nightshade1972 2 years ago
I was stalked in college, by a former friend who had mental health issues. When I called my parents to ask them to take me to the local police station to file a report, they literally told me, "We knew he was bad news from the moment you introduced him to us. We told you to stay away from him. Because you didn't, everything that happened afterwards is your fault, and we're not helping you." I went LC with them for years after that. My (so called) mother passed away three years ago, and my father and brother have barely spoken to me since. Good riddance.
#15
I feel like there are so many points where she is dead to me but she managed to keep making it worst.
1) Murdering my cat and her kittens to punish me at 12 Yr old
2) Beating me whenever she is in a bad mood as a kid to teenager
3) After slapping the s**t out of me infront of her coworkers in her own office, she attempted to murder me by dragging me up a building and trying to push me over, forcing me to jump down telling if I wanted her to be happy, I would jump when I was 17. I was rescued by her coworkers who dragged her away from me.
For context, I was working for her and my mom left a cheque on my table to pass to her employee. I picked up and look at the cheque and placed it face up on my table because I was busy going back to typing. Her employee complained to her about that and this was her over reaction towards me.
4)When I was married, she told me that she prayed everyday that my husband would cheat on me and dump me.
5) In my near second marriage, she went to my ex fiance to thrash talk me, saying I would make a terrible mother for his child. Basically my ex fiance asked me what did I do to make my mom hate me so much and I dump him for that as I can't marry a man who pretty much got convinced by my mom I am the problem.
Can all this really ever be forgiven?
When confronting her, her excuse is that I am her daughter, she gave birth to me so she has the right to do whatever she wants to me.
Hans Georg 2 years ago
Children are not their parents property. They are their responsibility. And never their retirement plan.
Weirdo Axolotl 2 years ago
That is so awful I was steaming mad after I just read the first one 🤬
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Sami-Jo Ross 2 years ago
She should have been arrested the moment she killed a cat and her babies!
Lillian Charter 2 years ago
I agre- no that's wrong. SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUT ON DEATH ROW MY DEAR.
Load More Replies... Androgyny Lunacy 2 years ago
All I gotta read is "murdering an animal," and I know this is one of the most terrible parents...
Xenia Harley 2 years ago
Go NC! Believe me, it will be the best thing you ever do! Don't look back! She should be in jail for attempted murder. Her coworkers should have called the cops!
Vicki Cunningham 2 years ago
She is wrong. I would not forgive her. But I would forget all about her and cease all contact.
tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
I really hope she is not in your life now. Please get far far away from her. And never look back. You deserve to be happy. Please do whatever you can to be happy.
"Just remember what it feels like to be in their shoes. Even when you think they may be going down the wrong path, approach it like a friend, be kind and patient, and don’t force them into your lifestyle. Gentle parenting truly fosters trust and a feeling of safety. It is 100% the best way to ‘get your way’ over the harsh ‘live as if you’re an extension of me’ parenting. Your child will not agree with you on everything, but with time and patience, they will start to understand your perspective more and more (if you let them), and THAT is what gives them the tools to make those important decisions.”
#16
My somewhat estranged father insulted my amazing wife. So I didn't talk to him for years.
He got back together with my former stepmom (lovely lady) who told him to smarten the f**k up - losing out on his son, grandkids, etc.
I was hesitant when he called (he had broader issues). Went gingerly until he took a soft shot at my wife. Told him he had two choices - apologize and we will move forward, or I'm done. He took another shot, I said we are done and hung up.
He proceeded to take shots online about me, his ex, my mom. But, he died alone, unfound for a month. I had his online presence wiped.
#17
Trauma dump...sorry in advance. SA at 7 by a teen we went to church with while his and my parents watched TV in the other room with my little sister. The most they did was tell me it didn't happen and to move on. Continued to drag me to that house for movie nights. Had blocked it out for years until I could afford my own therapy. Which brought back some of those memories. Apparently things that hit hard enough, your body sorta forces you to forget them, black them out. I confronted them about it and they told me "yeah but that was so long ago. It doesn't matter anymore"
They also played favorites. To where the favoritism became a joke between lil sis and I. She hates feeling like an investment to them and we both hate the blatant "golden child" situation. Grandmother had passed and left money for my sis and I for college. They took it all to pay for sis'. (We are 2 years apart). I saved up and got my car, they bought her two. I saved and bought my first house. They bought her one 20k pricier and down the road from me.
Needless to say....it took far longer than it needed to for me to say "okay. It's time to end this". And years and years of healing. Daily I'm scared I'll never get my confidence back , I'll never like who I am etc. It sucks. And at this point it's up to me to heal and move on, because they brush off any attempt of closure, understanding, or sympathy
Tldr: both parents failed to be a secure place for me. The world started out cruel and continued to be so for most my life. Realising Im never going to be able to address or fix the issues with them..and decide to move past it on my own. Was the best and hardest decision
Sorry again for the dump. Omg. Felt better to get it out though..and sorry for typos.. it's late and I'm on mobile.
Samantha Angell 2 years ago
I honestly hadn't thought about it until just this weekend; the ONLY time I can remember either of my parents hugging me is when my dad was moving to another state to be with his gf just after I had told him I was pregnant and I sobbed hugging him at the airport. This weekend I had a public panic attack for the first time in years after a weekend-long Home Show event as the punching bags for by far the largest utility company in my state as a third-party contracting company with absolutely no way to resolve customer complaints. My coworker just came up to me and hugged me tight and told me it was OK repeatedly until I could breathe. She actually DROVE ME HOME while my other co-worker followed after I insisted I'd be fine. No one had ever done any of that for me before and it was so... powerful. Never underestimate the power of a mom hug.
Load More Replies... Vicki Cunningham 2 years ago
Sending hugs to you. Hold your head up. It's them who should hang in shame.
Marcellus II 2 years ago
I feel like the sister would feel like a failure --- needs to be given cars & a house, after having been bought a university degree; while the other does it all by themselves. I'd feel very insecure.
Jaybird3939 2 years ago
I had a similar mental health situation. Not raped, but a huge trauma when I was 15. I don't remember anything from about a week after it happened to around 20 y/o. I believe it was my brains way of protecting me from the aftermath. I wish it would have taken away the memory of the event, though.
Christopher Doke 2 years ago
Keep up that confidence, you have already overcome and are more capable than people who are handed everything in life.
Xenia Harley 2 years ago
That's awful, and so sorry for all that you endured. You are worthy and sometimes you do have to give yourself everything you wish someone else did. (I speak from experience.) Look at all the wonderful things you have accomplished. Hugs to you.
Candy Sheppard 2 years ago
Recognizing and moving forward is hard but important. Dump all you want cause we’ve got hugs, kisses, protection for you
Junebugjump! 2 years ago
You are a testament. I’m So proud that you took care of yourself in the end!
The user also gave some tips for parents: “Treat them with the respect you would show another adult because even if they’re your child, you need to earn that respect. Love comes easily, but respect takes action over words. Show them that you see them as an equal, and they will do the same!”
#18
Welp, story time I guess. I have reached *this* status with both of my biological parents. I'm a 35m, and am gay. Both of my parents are religious to an extreme. I came out rather early in teen years. I didn't really have a deep relationship with my dad, but I knew to draw the line when he basically came to the conclusion that my homosexuality was because I was possessed by Satan and his demons. After I went no contact I think he just disowned me. Haven't spoken with him since my early to mid 20's. My mom on the other hand... Well, that was more emotionally messy. I won't go too much into details, but it was probably a combination of things. I had recently moved back in with her. That was definitely where I first f*cked up. My mom, and her family are what I would call "traditional Catholic". And she is very devoted. I think she was hoping that my moving back in meant I was moving back into the faith. I had, and still have, no intention of being part of a religion that has the ***literal*** definition of homosexuality in their catechism as "*being intrinsically disordered."* and *"incapable of love in the way that God intended it."* We've had many disagreements over the years, but honestly, I think it just finally sank in. It all went down on Jan 30th, 2020, just before the pandemic hit. It was around 2am in the morning on a Saturday night going into Sunday morning. I was coming home from work, and came home to find the locks on the house had been changed, there were two suitcases outside the door with my insulin (I'm a type 1 diabetic) in one and some clothes shoved in another. Mind you, this was over the weekend, and in the city we were in the homeless shelter closed at 7pm Friday. And if you weren't in, you weren't in. So I had no where to go. I tried calling my mom, but she wouldn't answer any of my calls. She then called the cops because I wouldn't leave. I was on foot without a car. She then proceeded to file a restraining order on me. Thankfully, I was able to find a sheltered place to sleep for that night, but that was the start of my journey as being homeless for the next 2 years. I lost pretty much everything that night. I had never felt so abandoned. And what's f-ed up is that even to this day, I don't know what happened to tip her over the edge. Things are better now. I'm in a different city about 2 hours away from all that. I am still trying to get back on my feet. But this city's homeless programs are far better then where I came from. I have a small studio apartment, I'm seeking therapy for complex PTSD, truama, and depression. I've been seeing a psychiatrist, and am working with a case worker who is helping to make sure I get all that need. But where I drew the line with my mom came 6 months after the first restraining order. She. Renewed. The. Restraining. Order. After I had clearly moved 2 hours away. While I was living in a WHOLE OTHER TOWN! All after I reached out to her through a third party (staff member at the shelter I was staying at) when the pandemic hit because I wanted to make sure she was okay. That was the moment my desire for any kind of relationship with her died. I have accepted it, and am working on bettering myself and my life. Anyway, sorry for the long story. But thank you for this post, it was actually really cathartic. And encouraging, thinking back at how far I've come. I hope and "pray" we all get safely to where we are going. Be kind to yourselves all. <3
Deborah Rubin 2 years ago
Pray isn't only for organized religion. It can simply mean a hope a wish a simply talking to the universe and not expecting an answer.
Featherking 2 years ago
Maybe she doesn’t want to be reminded of her complete failure as a parent and human being? Maybe that’s what the restraining orders are about? I didn’t realize you could just get restraining orders left and right, I thought that was sort of difficult.
David Leick 2 years ago (edited)
Yeah, the fact that restraining order was approved, and renewed, is a damnation of our system. Armchair legal hounds, prove me wrong.
Load More Replies... Vicki Cunningham 2 years ago
Religion is the absolute root of all evil. Each culture, denomination, just make up whatever they want and say it's in the name of some person no one has ever seen. Ironic that she acted the way she did while professing to be a "devout" catholic. The groups who spout the most hate are always religious.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
All devout catholics I know are nutjobs. My aunts for instance
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Xenia Harley 2 years ago
"Devoted" equals extremely judgmental. Better off without her. I'm sorry you have had to go through this.
luka! (she/her) 2 years ago
Nah she isn't a catholic, she's just pure evil, and same with your dad. I'm sorry OP had to go through that
#19
It was “his weekend” and I needed tampons. He took me to Walgreens and tried to drop me at the door and I said “I don’t have any money” so he gave me cash and said I could pay him back. I was 12. He wasn’t kidding. Never respected my dad again after that. I told my mom and she offered to send me with money but I told her I didn’t want to go there anymore after that.
They also shared their opinion on some major mistakes parents make with their kids: “I think sheltering your kids too much creates adults that are totally unequipped for the real world. They lack critical thinking skills and will question their every move. Every word you say to a kid sticks with them, some more than most, so teach them right from wrong but also that gray area of life, so they can feel confident in their abilities to be independent. Obviously as well, don’t just fully let them do their own thing with no guidance. Find a balance and stick with it, be consistent. I’m sure there are countless other important factors, but the above was huge for me. I moved out and was just so lost, doubtful of myself, and truly had no idea how to operate in this difficult world on my own. I jumped from relationship to relationship, just trying to find validation in myself. I had no clue how to function for a long time. Thankfully, I’ve found my way, but my peers were way ahead of me in so many ways because my parents did so much for me in the wrong ways - ways that prevented me from learning my own critical life skills.”
#20
I used to be my dads favorite child because I was the youngest. It’s as the more I grew a conscious and saw the s****y things he did like beat my mom, the less I wanted to be associated with him. I remember I was a good student in school, mostly straight A’s and he would ask me why I didn’t wake up at 6am, and study 12 hours that day. I remember one day I was on a laptop reading a sports article and he got upset that I wasn’t reading educational stuff and ripped the laptop away from me by the screen and threw it (This is the what I mostly tried to use to do my schoolwork). The more I list it, the more it sounds worse tbh and it sucked cause I couldn’t tell anyone how dead I felt inside. With mostly straight A’s, I remember he told me it wasn’t good enough and it was s**t and I needed to be studying 12 hours a day and like the next day u remember he got in a fight with my mom and put his hands on her and I got involved and he told he wished I was dead and never born and I kind of wanted to commit suicide suicide after all of this cause I just felt neglected by everyone and felt like no one really gave a s**t. I don’t know how I made it through alive in my teen years. I mostly don’t talk to him anymore but now I just feel emotionally dead inside and anything resembling fun is not allowed because I feel guilty cause I was having fun. To anyone who reads this, I appreciate you taking the time to do so. There’s so much more that happened in between those years but I’ll leave it at that.
PandaGoPanda 2 years ago
Go ahead and have fun - it's making up for lost time. And take your mom with you if you can.
tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
Oh, you and every living being are allowed to have fun! Please, try to have fun. Please go NC with your sh****y a** family. You deserve better!
Xenia Harley 2 years ago
Please get therapy. These feelings will not go away unless they are dealt with. Feeling numb inside is a way to cope. That's normal. Now, you constant enjoying your life again.
Jaybird3939 2 years ago
It's hard to have fun when you've gone through trauma, at least for me. I feel guilty because something bad happened and I should be solemn and joyless. I'm not that way in a social sense, but at home...
#21
My mother often said, "Your sorry daddy never cared enough about you to pay child support," but I found out later, he had money order receipts. He was a career Navy man so he'd have been forced to pay.
She stole two of my paychecks when I was a single mother, signing them over to herself in her sweeping left handwriting, I'm right-handed.
The final thing that made her my EX-mom was when she let two drug addicted so-called caregivers steal liquid morphine which was meant for her dying fourth husband. He died in miserable pain at home without relief. She disowned my adult sister, who confronted her about it. Mom always said, "I can stand anything except a liar or a thief," but she was both.
Inga Paškevičiūtė 2 years ago
She can't stand it, but has no problem doing this to other people. Double standards everywhere
Nightshade1972 2 years ago
There was a letter in Ann Landers, years ago. A young woman wrote in to say that she found out the hard way that her mother was a liar. Her parents had split up when she and her younger brothers were small. Her mother spent the next however-many years telling all three kids that their bio-dad was a deadbeat, he didn't care, he never sent support, he never sent birthday/xmas presents, etc. When the oldest daughter turned 21, she found bio-dad and confronted him. He said, "Come here, I want to show you something." An entire room of his house was devoted to many years' worth of returned birthday/xmas presents for all three kids, and he had the canceled checks showing he'd faithfully paid support for all three kids every month. She'd lied to her kids and kept all the money for herself. When Daughter realized that everything Dad said was true, she disowned Mom and developed a relationship with Dad instead.
James Heinle 2 years ago
I've found that most people, not all but most, who say, "I can stand anything except a liar or a thief," are just saying that so they can look like they're neither. They're usually the first ones I suspect.
#22
When my parents were in the middle of their divorce, my mom moved out and went to live with her parents. They had a camper in the yard where she was staying, but she would still be in and out of the house multiple times a day, so it's not like they never saw her.
One night around 1am she texts me and tells me she's in the hospital, and has been there for three days. I ask what's wrong, and she tells me she's been diagnosed with "broken heart syndrome" and her cardiologist says that she only has six months to live, unless my dad calls off the divorce.
She's obviously insane, so I play along. I ask what her cardiologists name is, what hospital she's at, her room number, etc. I immediately call the hospital she claims to be staying at.
First I ask for the patient switchboard. Tell them her name, and what room she's in, and lo and behold, "we don't have anyone in that room by that name"
So at this point, I explain what my mother has told me, and I ask if there's a Dr. Blank that works in cardiology there. "No, I don't think we have any doctors here by that name." Thank you, I assumed you would say that, sorry to bother you.
In the morning I call my grandmother. "Hey, is mum okay?" Of course she is, she went to work this morning. "Really? Because she told me she's dying in the hospital." My grandmother called her at work to confront her, and this idiot hangs up, goes to her car, and just sits there pretending to be passed out until one of her coworkers finds her and calls 911. When paramedics arrive and she "comes to" she tells them she took a bunch of pills in a suicide attempt. They rush her in, the hospital calls me, and my grandmother and I rush in to meet her.
She's "unconscious" when we arrive, but very much living, and the doctor obviously knows this, so he pulls us into another room to talk to us where she can't listen in.
He tells us they've run several blood tests and she absolutely did not take any pills. If she took anything at all, it wasn't enough to show up in her bloodwork. He basically tells us he's diagnosing her a liar and sends us all home, with a mandatory therapy session booked for her. She did go to her session, but only the one. She learned a couple deep breaths and decided she never needed to go back.
This isn't even the craziest thing she's done or said to me, but it was the thing that made me never speak to her again
Piper 2 years ago
Sounds like borderline personality disorder. It’s so rough to love someone who suffers from this at times.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
At least OP has their grandparents on their side, even though they’re also trying to help their daughter out—-and they know her full history, which is why they’re on OP’s side.
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#23
Soooo much trauma from a narc Mum. After a suicide attempt because I had miscarried my baby, she sat in the family conference and said she's not surprised because my Dad also has mental health issues. My brother (we were adults at the time and he was living with me due to being homeless and no job) pushed me through an internal glass door, he has anger issues and untreated ODD, he also beat my dog because he stepped on her while she was sleeping and she snapped at him. My Mum came home and when I told her what happened she took my brothers side, told me I'm a b***h like my Dad (they were divorced). So I don't speak to either of them, it's been 10 years. It's difficult to come to terms with cutting toxic people from your life, especially family. But your mental health and wellbeing shouldn't suffer because of anyone.
Nightshade1972 2 years ago
Just because you're biologically related to them doesn't make them "family." I wouldn't feel any guilt about cutting them out.
Stannous Flouride 2 years ago
Though I only see their user names and icons I am closer to most of the people here and on Igram than I am to either of my siblings. My sister and I text a few times a year but I haven't spoken or communicated with our older brother in decades.
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
Hope you and your dog got out of that hellhole and found calm, serene, and drama/chaos-free happiness.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago (edited)
I have 2 extremely toxic sisters that I am completely NC with. One is a bat sh*t crazy compulsive/pathological liar and thief. I haven't spoken to her in over 20 years. The other is just a nasty, narcissistic & materialistic drunk. I didn't realize what an awful person she was until I quit drinking myself, but even then didn't totally cut her off. That happened a little more than 2 years ago. She was in a really difficult situation & against my better judgment I agreed to help her. Big mistake. She was drinking even more than ever (mixing her first "to-go" cup of vodka & soda at 7:am) and after 2 days we were practically coming to blows. The entire time all airfare, food, cigarettes, Uber rides, etc. was on my dime. She ended up owing me a little over $1000, which took 2 years to pay back, after which she just assumed everything would go back to "normal". Nope. I don't care if I never speak to her again. PS: for those wondering she has been to rehab 4 times.
#24
Cheated on my mom after 35 years together. Agreed to go to counseling but wanted to sweep the whole thing under the rug. Called me to explain his actions and "take responsibility" but negated the whole conversation by ending with "but it wasn't my fault."
They divorced. He remarried quickly while my mom will be all alone as the demographics are not in her favor.
As we were growing up, he developed a chemical imbalance and it was like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When called out on his s****y behavior, he'd hide behind "I have depression and that's a disability." OK, but it's not a license to be an a*****e to everyone around you.
GlitterPanda 2 years ago
"OK, but it's not a license to be an a*****e to everyone around you." This is so true!!!
ILoveMySon 2 years ago
I learned years ago that just because I am having a rough day doesn't mean those around me should as well.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I just love how cheating on your spouse "wasn't my fault". Oh? Did you slip and fall into another woman's vagina?
#25
Oddly, she showed me she was capable of being kind- however disingenuous. She just wasn’t capable of being kind to me.
Vicki Cunningham 2 years ago
At my mother's memorial service all these people got up saying all these nice things about her. After, my best friend came to me and asked if they were talking about the same person we knew. Guess she could be the perfect person actress away from her children.
#26
my dad was driving and i was in the front seat and we were arguing about some petty s**t that is typical of immigrants raising kids that were born in the country they immigrated to - culture shock can be a b***h. he proceeded to say he was going to crash the car into the jackknife trailer ahead and went to 80 mph only to stop short. but the real feather on the camels back was coming to my graduation ceremony from grad school (12 years after the above) only to complain about me posting stuff about graduating from a reputable business school was me being too much of a show-off. i acknowledge his presence when i see him, but i have no interest in anything about him.
tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
Like all these sick a** "parents, you should go NC with him. He is toxic.
David Leick 2 years ago
When This Baby Hits 88 Miles Per Hour, You're Gonna See Some Serious S**t.
#27
Force fed me and my sister awful tasting mix of cold syrups whenever we didn't meet his expectations when we were kids
Agnes Jekyll 2 years ago
That could have been dangerous--if there was medication in them--and as children. WTF.
#28
I had begun the process of 'burying the living ' with him. He was became such a loser but he dragged my brother down with him. Encouraged him to do drugs that didn't agree with him. I kept a relationship with him to stay close to my family. Then I got a phone call that my brother had died. My dad had 'restrained' him and he had a heart attack. The prescribed anti anxieties he was taking to counter act all the negative effects from the drugs my dad encouraged him to take have this side effect. He just banged on a door and my dad chocked him out. My dad is dead to me but I talk to my brother every day.
#29
They never actually cared about me. The both of them.
#30
My mother and her life time of verbal abuse, worst one is back when I was suffering from the darkest depression of my life took my mother 1 year to notice something was wrong and instead of being a caring parent she straight up told me I should kill myself. Hearing that killed the relationship with her. I’m Only around from time to time because she is my mother but I don’t really care for her
Vicki Cunningham 2 years ago
Just because she's your mother in no way means you need to be around from time to time.
tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
Just because she gave birth to you doesn't make her a mother. For your own sanity, please go NC.
Cindy Illsley 1 year ago
When I finally got up the nerve to tell my father that I was gay he told me that he would rather I be dead than live as a lesbian. Years later I tried reconnecting (writing a few letters back & forth) but after several years of denying he'd ever said such a thing (religious man that he was) I realized I was just banging my head against a wall & cut off even minimal contact. He died last year & his wife didn't mention me (or my sisters) in his obituary; apparently my father died childless.
Jaimi Royal 2 years ago
Never let someone make you so ashamed of yourself that you think about killing yourself it makes me so mad when I here about things like this😡 remember God made you you🙃🙂
Eithne Griffiths 2 years ago
My baby died in me when I was 5/12 months pregnant. My (rabid Catholic ) mother told me it was gods will therefor I didn't deserve it.
#31
Emotional and psychological abuse. It wasnt one event it was more of a realization that the cycle of abuse was going to continue to repeat itself. One of the last times I was in the cycle of being the "bad kid" in the family and I was hurt and upset my boyfriend (now husband) said 'why did you think it would be any different? If you someone keeps punching you in the face and you keep getting within arms reach, what do you expect will happen?'' And it was the first time anyone had ever pointed that I had a choice to not allow it. It was 15 years ago. The healthier I got the sicker I realized they were. I would never campaign for people to cut family off for something that can be worked out but I totally advocate for cutting all ties with toxic people. Toxic will always be toxic until they do work to heal themselves.
Karen Lyon 2 years ago (edited)
That's very similar to the conversation between someone I know and her hubby. After every call with her mother, my friend would be in tears. Her hubs simply asked why she was putting in the effort when it wasn't getting her anywhere. I think he had to say it more than once, but however often he did, it got through to her. This woman's mother has grown grandchildren and school aged great-grandchildren she's never met because of the BS she pulls without remorse. "Mommy Dearest" thinks she has the last laugh in this general family estrangement, since she and the second husband are filthy rich. His kids from his first marriage (plus grandkids) will get all her money. She doesn't seem to grasp that her daughters, son, and all of that part of the family honestly don't give a flying f**k. Their attitude is that no amount of money would make up for how she's treated them or induce them to put up with anything like it any more. They're thriving without it.
#32
Dad left us when I was super young, like 2, mom remarried (another abusive a*****e) and dad would come around sporadically. When I was 12 I saw him once then he left and didn’t see him again for decades. About 13 years ago I stumbled upon him in the state prison system database across the country, made contact, he seemed to be changed, he was old, previously meth addicted, lots of chronic health s**t. I bought him a prepaid cell to keep in touch. He went back to the streets but stayed clean. Eventually moved in with some random long lost family member. We kept in touch by phone, I helped him get some of his health shot figured out. We were cordial. I got pregnant unexpectedly, it was in the 5 year plan but not the right now plan but whatever, here we are, no reason not to do this thing other than lack of mental preparedness. So. I go through this pregnancy, it was horrible in every way, physically uncomfortable, illness, bed rest, all the s**t. He called me one day and told me he was going to go to the beach to celebrate his 20 year anniversary of moving to the coast. He’d never let himself enjoy the beach before and today was that day. What I heard was that he was going to the beach to celebrate the 20 year anniversary of abandoning his child, me. And I had these kids in my belly that I sometimes didn’t want, didn’t plan for, but would’ve murdered for and I didn’t even know who they were, didn’t know if they were boys or girls, no names, no personalities, just feet in my ribs and pelvis constantly, and yet I would have died for them. And this m**********r is celebrating the day he left me. I never called him again, my kids are almost 10. He’s called me plenty, I don’t answer. I reply in text at times, briefly. I’ve sent Christmas cards to the family member he stays with and to him with pictures and I’ve politely explained the above and he just doesn’t get it.
#33
Mentally and physically abusive our whole lives, mother had to leave the country when i was around 16.. 2 brothers 6 and 12, sister 17, left us with him... couldnt handle taking care of us so he pretty much up and left haha... been on our own since then..raised my youngest brother myself... he is now going into his senior year in highschool... i would say i did pretty good for myself and us .. f**k.him
Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm 2 years ago
Thank you for taking on the responsibility of raising your brother. No one should ever have to give up their childhood or young adult years to care for a child in those kind of circumstances. But I guarantee your brother is better off than he would've been if he had been put in foster care.
#34
I was 19 and pregnant. My boyfriend and I had just met a few months prior and I had gotten pregnant quickly. Not ideal circumstances, but it was what it was and we got on with it. While on vacation, my dad, who had fairly recently become an alcoholic, got drunk and hit me and started raging through the house, trying to break down the doors after I locked him out because he was insane. I called the cops and when they dragged him out from where he was hiding outside, in front of the police officers, my mom, and our neighbor, he screamed (about me) “SHE F****D HIM! SHE F****D HIM ON THE FIRST DATE! SHE F****D HIM!” Over and over and over and over for 20 minutes, I’ve never felt such shame and embarrassment in my life. Hitting me, cornering me and screaming incoherently while he foamed at the mouth, and chasing me through the house like a scene from a horror movie while I was 5 months pregnant, was bad enough. Screaming about my sex life to the entire neighborhood with such hatred and disdain for me was worse.
#35
Not my parent, but the father of my ex wife killed himself on an anti psychotic (the same one I now take, not gonna linger on that) to punish his daughters (five of them) for cutting him out of their lives. He had a lot of mental health issues, and refused treatment for most of them, but died horrifically in a suicide that he knew would haunt them forever. He was sick, and needed help I will grant, but his daughters couldnt offer it due to his abusive nature, and his church (I wont name the specific Utah residing church) wouldn't offer ti because he wasn't up to date on his tithes.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
There comes a time when the death of people like this, either by natural causes or suicide, or any other way to die, comes as a relief threat they’re finally GONE! It’s over, and the healing can ramp up because they’re no longer there to f**k it all up for you. Don’t let the a*****e make you feel guilty. You have no guilt, you were their victim. They’re dead, good riddance to bad rubbish. Believe me, with them out of the world, it can be the most freeing experience of your life. Breathe easy. Your tormentor is right where they belong, burning in hell sucking the s**t out of Beelzebub’s a*s (I’m not even religious, I just like the imagery).
Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm 2 years ago
As a member of specified church, I despise what so many of the members of that church have gone through. I stay because I believe in the doctrine. I don't necessarily believe in all the people.
#36
Day before my first job, he went to prison. Found out he was a rapist and sold child pornography. He lied to me about everything. Bought me a lot of nice gifts with the money he got from exploiting children. Convinced me my own mother was a psychopath (shes not). Gave me life long trust issues with anyone. And an untold amount of rage and hate against rapists and pedos.
Nay Wilson 2 years ago
I’m with you there. Rapists and paedophiles are the lowest kind of scumbags. There’s no forgiving someone who harms a child like that
#37
Needed him to take me to meet up with my mom so i could go home and help her with something. Said he was okay with it and he'd do it. Day of, he claimed that we had never asked him to do it and that it was totally unreasonable. The original exchange was over text, so that didn't really hold up. Basically he didn't actually want to do it and thought he could get out of it by throwing a big fit. (No it wasn't a custody thing, this was when i was in college)
I stopped talking to him once he started blowing up my phone insulting my mom for inconveniencing him and then realized that i actually had no desire to talk to him again. There had been other problems with him that he never took accountability for, so this was the straw that broke the camel's back. He was an addict and it made him unpredictable. He would treat me badly and make me not tell my mom so he "wouldn't get in trouble". He would "forget" the various insults he threw at me, but then when he got mad he'd say something like "this is why I said (thing he claimed he forgot about)". He also cheated on my mom, but i didn't find that out until later.
Oh and also when my mom died he came to her house and stole some stuff. Sent me pictures of the stuff he stole. Tried to intimidate me by saying that if i got a restraining order we'd have to be in the same room together. Got the restraining order anyway (Jokes on him, it was a zoom call). I've been doing good, life is better than i thought possible. Part of me feels bad for the guy, but i just can't have him in my life anymore.
#38
not no contact but very limited and selective what i tell her. there a dozen of examples but last year i wanted to have my birthday celebration at my grandmas house cause she has a garden and my mom only a flat and i wanted to grill instead of ordering pizza or go to a restaurant. well she did not like that and after some back and forth and me just repeating i want to grill and its summer and we can sit outside at granmas she told me "well go do it at grandmas then nobody wants to talk to you anyway" lets just say i said "yeah right" and left. guess what we had my birthday at grandmas it was my 25th bday btw
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CandyMan 2 years ago
My mom's side of the family, and my "dads" side, are nothing but abusers, addicts, abusers, pedos, alcoholics, and narcissistic liars. Only my mom, my sibling, and I are decent human beings. I have big dogs in my yard to ensure those freaks stay away from my house. My mom put my name on her house to make sure a certain relative will get nothing when she dies.
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago
Yikes. Wishing you luck that sounds scary.
Load More Replies...
Ray Arani 2 years ago (edited)
I went temporarily NC with my mom after she suggested (and was uncomfortablly pushy about it) that she take my son (and the child support of course) when I was struggling with healing from an injury, but was providing for and caring for him just fine. After she'd spent most of my childhood neglecting me while letting her husband abuse me? She was divorced and single but even if I'd needed someone to take my kid, which I did not, she'd have been the last option. I was paranoid she'd try to take him legally so I went NC for over a year. Also went NC with my dad for three years starting when I was pregnant, I mentioned I wasn't planning on circumcising and he flat out told me (serious) he'd kidnap my son to take him to have it done. After not getting to meet his only grandkid for three years, I gave him another chance, letting him know of he tried anything my son would be raised by my bestie while I published my books from prison, serving for patricide. Also dead serious. Permanent NC from my adoptive father when he and my mom finally divorced and my half siblings were either grown or out of his house. I'd have gone NC at 13 the first time he locked me out had it not been for wanting to look out for my mom and siblings, (11 and 13 years younger than me).
Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm 2 years ago
BLOOD DOES NOT EQUAL FAMILY. I understand it's hard for kids to get away from their parents when they live with them. But as an adult we can choose our family. My closest family doesn't share a drop of blood with me, and I'm better off because of it. Stay strong and seek the help you deserve. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for cutting toxic people out of your life. Rememner, your kidney is your blood too, but if it harms you, you remove it.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 2 years ago
My racist, misogynistic sperm donor told me his greatest fear was that I would bring home a POC as a partner. Not that I might be assaulted (twice by partners), raped (once), or kidnapped (narrowly missed that one by running away from the van full of men in the opposite direction).
naksaystheduck 2 years ago
My mom turned into a heavy drinker after my dad filed for divorce, she lost custody, I grew up with my paternal grandparents from age 6 on. They still tried to include her in my life and I visited her regularly. She seemed to get better in between, but then met her new husband (abusive addict), got pregnant with twins, lost custody of them too, when they were around 4 years old (I was 15 back then and cut all contact, only had one long call with her 20 years later after my father died). I couldn't keep on being part of her tragic life, it just hurt too much. But it seems as if she got better again (new guy, this time a nice one and she is also drinking way less than before).
Nightshade1972 2 years ago
My (alleged) mother used to love to tell me, "You're such a stupid, selfish, worthless b***h, it's no wonder you don't have any friends. It's no wonder you can't find/keep a boyfriend or a husband (I'm not straight). The only reason we put up with you is because we have to, we're related to you. Nobody else would want you!" Why would she tell me that, you ask? Usually because she'd just discovered there was no cold Coke (or no Coke at all) in the house for her to drink, which was obviously my fault. *Eyeroll* I went LC with her after I moved out. She died of cancer three years ago, and my father and brother have barely spoken to me since. Good riddance.
Heather Rowland 2 years ago
My parents had their oldest daughter run a full and complete criminal and background check including his credit. THEN, they contacted his exes asking their opinions about him. THEN, tried to stage an intervention with me IN MY OWN HOME while he was at work. They even had police with them and a uhaul truck. THEN, when we had our daughter they tried to get my husband kicked out of recovery to be with "their daughter and her child." Called him selfish when the head nurse and doctor refused them entry. THEN, while pregnant with our son said coming to the hospital was a "waste of their time since I found out the gender." THEN, called me a whore among other names. The list goes on and on. I blocked the last straw when I went NC but I was literally screaming at them over the phone. I was 31 and second marriage when we married. We were engaged and pregnant. They were like this my entire life. 45 years old and I finally grew the strength to go NC and not feel guilty.
GV Martinez-Williams 2 years ago
I had to stop reading these post because they were breaking my heart. I'm so sorry for all of you. Tomorrow I'll be calling my parents (who got divorced when I was around 6 but still manage to be friends and never had custody fights) and tell how much I love them.
rob 2 years ago (edited)
Some of these stories need way more explanation about the how and why. Details make the story.
Seabeast 2 years ago
What sort of explanation do you need for someone being abused throughout their childhood?
Load More Replies...
CandyMan 2 years ago
My mom's side of the family, and my "dads" side, are nothing but abusers, addicts, abusers, pedos, alcoholics, and narcissistic liars. Only my mom, my sibling, and I are decent human beings. I have big dogs in my yard to ensure those freaks stay away from my house. My mom put my name on her house to make sure a certain relative will get nothing when she dies.
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago
Yikes. Wishing you luck that sounds scary.
Load More Replies... Ray Arani 2 years ago (edited)
I went temporarily NC with my mom after she suggested (and was uncomfortablly pushy about it) that she take my son (and the child support of course) when I was struggling with healing from an injury, but was providing for and caring for him just fine. After she'd spent most of my childhood neglecting me while letting her husband abuse me? She was divorced and single but even if I'd needed someone to take my kid, which I did not, she'd have been the last option. I was paranoid she'd try to take him legally so I went NC for over a year. Also went NC with my dad for three years starting when I was pregnant, I mentioned I wasn't planning on circumcising and he flat out told me (serious) he'd kidnap my son to take him to have it done. After not getting to meet his only grandkid for three years, I gave him another chance, letting him know of he tried anything my son would be raised by my bestie while I published my books from prison, serving for patricide. Also dead serious. Permanent NC from my adoptive father when he and my mom finally divorced and my half siblings were either grown or out of his house. I'd have gone NC at 13 the first time he locked me out had it not been for wanting to look out for my mom and siblings, (11 and 13 years younger than me).
Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm 2 years ago
BLOOD DOES NOT EQUAL FAMILY. I understand it's hard for kids to get away from their parents when they live with them. But as an adult we can choose our family. My closest family doesn't share a drop of blood with me, and I'm better off because of it. Stay strong and seek the help you deserve. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for cutting toxic people out of your life. Rememner, your kidney is your blood too, but if it harms you, you remove it.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 2 years ago
My racist, misogynistic sperm donor told me his greatest fear was that I would bring home a POC as a partner. Not that I might be assaulted (twice by partners), raped (once), or kidnapped (narrowly missed that one by running away from the van full of men in the opposite direction).
naksaystheduck 2 years ago
My mom turned into a heavy drinker after my dad filed for divorce, she lost custody, I grew up with my paternal grandparents from age 6 on. They still tried to include her in my life and I visited her regularly. She seemed to get better in between, but then met her new husband (abusive addict), got pregnant with twins, lost custody of them too, when they were around 4 years old (I was 15 back then and cut all contact, only had one long call with her 20 years later after my father died). I couldn't keep on being part of her tragic life, it just hurt too much. But it seems as if she got better again (new guy, this time a nice one and she is also drinking way less than before).
Nightshade1972 2 years ago
My (alleged) mother used to love to tell me, "You're such a stupid, selfish, worthless b***h, it's no wonder you don't have any friends. It's no wonder you can't find/keep a boyfriend or a husband (I'm not straight). The only reason we put up with you is because we have to, we're related to you. Nobody else would want you!" Why would she tell me that, you ask? Usually because she'd just discovered there was no cold Coke (or no Coke at all) in the house for her to drink, which was obviously my fault. *Eyeroll* I went LC with her after I moved out. She died of cancer three years ago, and my father and brother have barely spoken to me since. Good riddance.
Heather Rowland 2 years ago
My parents had their oldest daughter run a full and complete criminal and background check including his credit. THEN, they contacted his exes asking their opinions about him. THEN, tried to stage an intervention with me IN MY OWN HOME while he was at work. They even had police with them and a uhaul truck. THEN, when we had our daughter they tried to get my husband kicked out of recovery to be with "their daughter and her child." Called him selfish when the head nurse and doctor refused them entry. THEN, while pregnant with our son said coming to the hospital was a "waste of their time since I found out the gender." THEN, called me a whore among other names. The list goes on and on. I blocked the last straw when I went NC but I was literally screaming at them over the phone. I was 31 and second marriage when we married. We were engaged and pregnant. They were like this my entire life. 45 years old and I finally grew the strength to go NC and not feel guilty.
GV Martinez-Williams 2 years ago
I had to stop reading these post because they were breaking my heart. I'm so sorry for all of you. Tomorrow I'll be calling my parents (who got divorced when I was around 6 but still manage to be friends and never had custody fights) and tell how much I love them.
rob 2 years ago (edited)
Some of these stories need way more explanation about the how and why. Details make the story.
Seabeast 2 years ago
What sort of explanation do you need for someone being abused throughout their childhood?
Load More Replies... You May Like Mom Worried That Her Kids Are Very Unpleasant, Says They're Embarrassing 30 Maternity Ward Workers Share The Worst Cases Of “You Shouldn’t Be A Parent” They’ve Ever Seen Someone Asks Parents If They Regret Having Kids And These 40 Say Yes And Share Why
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