Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
People Are Sharing Effective Psychological Tricks They Use And Here’re 30 Of The Most Interesting Ones
The charm of the world around us is that it’s totally unpredictable. It puts us into the most unlikely, annoying, and challenging scenarios where we have to find our way through. And while some believe in luck, or lack thereof, others like to take matters into their own hands and use some pragmatic strategies. Like, psychological tricks.
And it turns out, most people have one ready when a particular situation strikes. From answering to “Why’s” in such a way that you redirect the question back to avoiding office small-talk so that nobody thinks you’re rude, to making yourself look like less of a self-obsessed jerk simply by replacing “I know” with “You’re right,” these are some of the biggest psychological tricks.
Shared in the comment section for the question “What is the most effective psychological 'trick' you use?” on r/AskReddit, some people seem to really know how to nail the mental game big time.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My 4-year-old got into the 'Why?' phase a little while back. I read an article that said the best way to get them to stop was to ask them, 'I'm not sure, what do you think?' It is a godsend. They answer their own question, you provide some feedback, and they immediately move on. [Freaking] awesome.
Dynein 4 years ago
Also gives them a chance to develop their skill of thinking through a problem, and for you to guide the process and point out things they overlook or get wrong. Teach thinking and solution finding!
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
I did this with both of mine (15f & 18m) and while they have vastly different personalities, they both have really solid critical thinking skills- it's one of the things I most admire about both of them. I feel like society underestimates children's intelligence in so many areas and it's really a disservice to them. Kids are way smarter and capable of far more than easy distractions and baby talk!
Load More Replies...
Tapio Magnussen 4 years ago
When our kiddos ask us is due to obvious reasons: they want to know, they trust you, they want to chat with you... What you do with those intentions is up to you. And you'll probably harvest what you deserve.
whodunnitfan2013 4 years ago
Also gives them a chance to start thinking critically and for themselves!
Flying Captain 4 years ago
True godsend for children. Not so much for my bf... he answers. pauses. asks me then in return "ok so what do You think?" fml.
Susan L. Miller 4 years ago
I love that this doesn't make you the all-knowing expert, and gives a child the ability to express themselves, as well as develop critical thinking and problem solving skills!
Jayne Sargent 4 years ago
Brilliant. I never spanked my son and when asked why I always replied that if you can't outsmart a 5-year-old, you shouldn't be a parent in the first place. BTW, he's 40 and has never been in any kind of trouble with drugs, the law, etc.
Margaret Syverson 4 years ago
yes, this was the advice my son gave me as he was leaving me with my not-quite three-year-old granddaughter. I told her where her parents were going, to help her uncle with his computer, and she asked, "why?" so I said, "that's a good question! Why do you think?" She fired back, "Talk about it!"
Debi Smith 4 years ago
We did this with our children 30 years ago and it made for some wonderful conversations.
RELATED:
#2
I work in an office. When people stop by my desk and refuse to leave me alone, I get up and refill my water bottle while they are talking to me. Instead of walking back to my desk, I walk them to theirs. They instinctively will sit down. Then I just sever the conversation and get back to work.
QueerTheory 4 years ago
Remo why are you so annoyed by this? Are you one of those who walk to people’s desk and refuse to leave them alone? 😂
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Right? It's a perfectly polite way to end a conversation you're not interested in and doesn't hurt feelings or offend anyone. Why be all in your feelings about it?
Load More Replies...
King Joffrey 4 years ago
Or you could tell them "sorry, I'm really busy, can I get back to you?"
Flying Captain 4 years ago
That would be so awesome if it worked with anyone :D Unfortunately it does not. I'd risk people gossiping about me not being social.
Load More Replies...
Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
If you have RBF, like I do, people don't stop by to chat. But you also don't get invited to happy hours or anything like that either. Which I'm totally fine with because I'm there to do a job, not to make friends. Besides, I'm totally socially awkward and don't drink.
René Studer 4 years ago
I don't get it. You'd still have to get up every time and walk them over to their desk. When I want people at work to leave me alone I'm busy and don't have time for stuff exactly like this. If people stop by my desk they usually have a question or need something done. If I just escort them back and sever the conversation that doesn't solve anything.
Molly Block 4 years ago
Is it rude to just stand up suddenly and walk away to a sink/ fountain to refill your bottle? Or is this done covertly? I have never worked in an office situation, so I'm not sure. Do you kind tilt your head as if to say, "Come on, follow me, I'm listening, but i need a water refill" and THEN walk back to their desk and sever the conversation? This is sneaky, but brilliant!!
#3
When my wife is talking to a man about something technical, often he'll talk back to me. When that happens I turn to face my wife, which forces his attention where it should be.
A Cat Named Dragon 4 years ago
I do this when there are two people listening to someone tell a story and, for whatever reason, the person talking is only focusing on me but I wish they would instead focus kn the other person.
Stannous Flouride 4 years ago
When I worked at a hardware store I frequently had young couples who were putting together their first live-in quarters and I made a point of always addressing both of them and if it was demonstrating a technique like stripping a wire I'd have both do it but give it to her first.
Crochet lady 4 years ago
We hired a handyman come to replace a shower and fix some odds and ends. Many times my husband wouldn't be around and Handyman would bring up an issue and I would resolve it. He invariably said "well let me check with Husband and call my husband at a work; my husband invariably said, let me check with THE BOSS, meaning me. Either the guy was too dumb to catch on or his misogyny ran deep
Maddie Star ⭐ 4 years ago
I threw a double glazing sales man out of MY house who was getting paid with MY money because he completely refused to talk to me. he would only deal with my boyfriend.
Melissa Vellis 4 years ago
I work with a qaudraplegic person whom whenever we're at shops or Counters the person serving will usually direct their answers to me, even though I was not the one who spoke. I usually answer with, "I'm not the one who asked the question." They will then speak to my client instead of me. It's mostly ignorance, but it's very rude to assume if someone is in a wheelchair they can't speak for themselves.
Chrestéph Schobine 4 years ago
I wouid be lost without my wife's technical skills. She did an apprenticeship as a carpenter from age 16 to 19 and succesfully passed the test. I would have failed miserably.
A Head 4 years ago
I'm pretty handy, but there are some things I won't touch (plumbing, anything involving the roof, etc) so I hire people for that. It's my wife's house too, and she wants to be involved, so I usually make the appointment under her name, and ask her to answer the door when they arrive so they know what's what.
Aunt Messy 4 years ago
When I went to the dealership to buy my latest car, they asked how I was going to pay for it. I held up my checkbook (I don't do loans, if I don't have the money for something, I don't buy it). He then asked for my husband's phone number to ask if I had "permission" to buy a car. ...///... I was 54 at the time. The sales person was in his 20s.
To find out what an expert has to say about these psychological tricks, Bored Panda reached out to Susan Petang, a certified life coach, teaching adults and teens. Susan runs “The Quiet Zone Coaching” and she has now prepared a set of essential life skills and solution for anyone who’s preparing for the post-pandemic world.
When it comes to mind tricks, Susan said that everyone uses one from one time to time, even if they're unaware they're doing it. Moreover, “There are many psychological tricks floating around out there—I couldn't possibly name them all,” the life coach explained.
#4
To avoid workplace drama and be liked, compliment people behind their back.
Lucas 4 years ago
It makes you look like a nice person who isn't just being nice to someone's face.
Load More Replies...
noralin 4 years ago
I find this twisted and unnecessary. I have witnessed this kind of behaviour a lot, but to me it makes no sense at all. I wouldn't want people to talk anything about me behind back at all and I would like to receive compliments directly to myself. I don't understand all this manipulative behaviour. I would rather be an honest and kind person.
#5
Be direct and personal when you need things. Instead of asking IF anyone has an EpiPen, ask WHO has an EpiPen. Instead of saying, 'Someone call 911,' point to someone and say, 'Go call 911 and come tell me when they are on the way.
Enuya 4 years ago
Also, instead of "somebody help", try for example "you, in red t-shirt, help me". Person asked directly will be more likely to respond.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Very true, and it forces others in shock to snap out of it and get moving.
Load More Replies...
Raven Sheridan 4 years ago (edited)
It's called The Bystander Effect. People who could easily help, often do not because they assume someone else will. Look up the tragic murder of Kitty Genovese.
Bobert Robertson 4 years ago
YOU make me some lunch! No, ok.... do you want a sandwich while I'm making mine?
Sawdust 4 years ago
If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top. Clean the f---ing car.
Load More Replies...
Evelyn Haskins 4 years ago
I don't know. IF you do not know what is actually happening, call someone else. I know nothing about eipi-pens but do know that the worng response can kill. When it happened to me (Heaert attack I suspect), I ran to the supermarket check out. They called emergency and a trained first-aid officer was on the spot seemingly in seconds
Bob Connely 4 years ago (edited)
Direct connection helps avoid the embarrassment of "No, I didn't - I thought YOU were going to..." (call 9-1-1); I saw that happening frequently when I was on scene taking the Police Report following a sudden death event.
#6
If you look happy to see someone every time you see them, they will eventually be happy to see you.
Louise Jury 4 years ago
Walking beside my ex, down any street, passing strangers by, he once asked, 'Why does everyone that walks by smile at you?' I said, 'Because I smile first.'
Deena Salzman 4 years ago
This works. I once dated a guy mostly because he looked so happy to see me.
elStiJneriNO 4 years ago
and once they are happy to see you, they are indoctrinating you on their turn by looking happy and everybody loves eachother in the end
Amanda Hunter 4 years ago
If they don't smile back, don't mind, they may be depressed and you could have made a big impact.
Mickie Shea 4 years ago
Have used a happy look/greeting in hostile environments and it worked for me. Plus, this, I became increasingly happier with myself and others.
“One I use frequently (which isn't really a 'trick,' but a communication tool) is called reflective listening,” Susan said and added: “Often other people just want to be heard, and this tool provides not only that, but helps clarify information so misunderstandings don't occur.”
Some examples of the reflective listening include: "It sounds like you feel...", "I'm hearing that you want...", "It seems like you're upset about...", "I see that you're feeling..."
#7
Don’t apologise. Thank them.
When you’re delivering food that’s taken a while to cook don’t say “sorry for the delay,” say “thanks for your patience”
Saying sorry focuses on your fault. Thanking focuses on their good quality.
Jessica Shookhoff 4 years ago
I actually do this with my kids when I can't get them what they want/need right away. It really does make a difference and reinforces positive behavior.
NatalieC 4 years ago
But some people enjoy finding fault with everything.
Load More Replies...
80 Van 4 years ago
I’ve worked in customer service for over 10 years, and I’ve trained my staff to spend more time thanking than apologizing. I’m not a big fan of, “Thank you for your patience,” because often the response is something along the lines of, “I’m not feeling very patient.” Instead, when I ask about the situation, I respond first with, “Thank you so much for taking the time to make me aware of this issue,” and then I apologize. It’s incredible how often this disarmed and softened the customer.
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
When servers apologize for my order taking a long time I say something like "At least I know it's fresh" or "It was worth the wait" and let them know it wasn't their fault.
Load More Replies... 
C.S. E. 4 years ago
But it can also be used to justify jerk behavior. If you are late for meeting friends, do not say 'thanks for your patience.' You were rude in being late and telling them that their time is not important. There are times where it is more appropriate to start with an apology. Combine 'Sorry I'm late, but thanks for waiting' or in whatever order, if you must. It shows you are aware of your rudeness and have the grace to be embarrassed. You know what, looking back, you should just stick with both. Say something nice, then follow up.
Monday 4 years ago
This is very situational. If you're late (and it's totally your own fault that you're late) and you tell me "thanks for your patience" I'm going to be irritated. Thanking me for something I don't have in that situation isn't going to make me magically have it. However a simple "sorry I'm late" gives me some control over that situation since I now have the power to offer forgiveness and that will likely calm me down.
Jrizzy Jay 4 years ago
except for the fact that we are starving and I had no choice but to be patient. An apology is more than acceptable.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
The person delivering the food are last in chain. It's rarely their fault that you nearly died from starvation.
Load More Replies...
Elaine Mattingly 4 years ago (edited)
I appologize for the delay and appreciate your patience. What happened, well there was the dog(See holes in pants), then that speeding car,(see tire marks on shirt), the guy who shot at me but barely missed(see hole in cap) and now I have to explain to the next customer how long it took to explain.
Load More Replies...
Gandalf the Pink 4 years ago (edited)
Why not both? "Thanks for your patience" can come off as a bit arrogant when the person had no choice but to wait. But if you say "Sorry for the delay" and they say "It's fine I'm just glad you're here now", you can say "Thanks for your patience" :-)
#8
I currently manage around 240 people among six restaurants. It is often hard to get them to do what is needed. I have found that saying, 'I need your help' is effective in getting them on board. People want to feel needed and that they are making a difference. Expressing that need to them as much as possible makes all the difference in the world.
Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
Identify employees to be in charge of certain parts of the process ... if the drink station is always a mess, identify someone to routinely check on it and clean/organize as needed. If you see the drink station in chaos, go back to the person you put in charge and figure out what the issue is ... if "everybody" in charge of something, then "no one" is in charge because non one takes responsibility.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Great advice! It also works managing a home. When I need help getting things back on track I'll assign each person a specific job and it works so much better than everyone trying to guess where to start and what to prioritize.
Load More Replies...
Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago
I manage a team of white collar insurance folk. I constantly remind them "we give medical care to injured people. We fight criminal scammers. We are on the side of the angels. Stand proud." I know there's a lot of bad claim shops. But in mine we Pay What We Owe and we work with an open heart. My folks know they touch real lives and don't feel anything like office drones. I like to think we can be a model for the industry but it may be just that I'm really a zen hippie, currently disguised as a manager.
ChickyChicky 4 years ago
Works well with children too. "Go clean the bathroom" vs. "I need your help to clean the bathroom." And then, "thank you so much for cleaning the bathroom, it made my day so much easier because I had to do x,y,z and that was one thing that I knew was taken care of."
Billy The Kid 4 years ago
I have had a few supervising jobs in the past and each time someone had completed a task i always used to compliment them and say " Good man" This makes them feel that their work is not unrecognized. When you treat people like crap they will crap on you behind your back. If i have a negative on one of my students work i always start with a positive. When i have pointed out their mistake i then ask them how they could make it better.
LaughingCat 4 years ago
However, "help" isn't something you get paid for. Help is something that is given. I'm a freelancer and I've learned that potential clients who come to me needing "help" on a project aren't the kind of clients who are interested in paying invoices.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Yup, I've used this when I needed to tackle a work colleague of equal pegging doing something that was making problems for me (not deliberately). Saying that I needed her help really set her up to listen rather than feel defensive, but it also made me frame my request in such a way that it didn't sound critical of her either.
#9
Don’t say “it’s okay” when someone apologizes. Say something like, “thank you for apologizing.”
if someone needs to apologize to you, then it was something that isn’t okay. my mom teaches this to her kindergartners and it really does make a difference. opens doors for growth and conversation too. “thank you for apologizing, I don’t like it when you hit me.” or whatever.
H Edwards 4 years ago
Unless the person apologising really doesn't need to. As a Brit, I probably apologise way too often.
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
As a Canadian, ditto. Someone bumps into me? I'm sorry I was in the way. Not sure what people are like in the other colonies.
Load More Replies...
Molly Block 4 years ago
This is great. Need to remember this one too. I always thought saying "it's ok" was ok! So when someone apologizes to you, it's hard for them to do that, and you should reciprocate, by saying 'thank you' back to them. Damn, these are great lessons to remember!
Miranda Prince 4 years ago
I think it's fine to say "it's OK" if that's what you mean. But with children, especially, I think "thank you for apologizing" is a better message to send to them.
Load More Replies... 
Logic and Reason 4 years ago
I learned this one from a teacher in grade school. I like it because it shows that even if you’re not ready to forgive them right away, you appreciate the fact that they want to make things right.
In fact, “a lot of those little psychological 'tricks' we use come from our families. We either mimic what we hear growing up, or do the opposite because, as we are more aware of those around us as we mature, we find the way we learned to communicate from our parents distasteful.”
Susan warns that “if you try using a style or a trick that doesn't feel right to you, it'll come off sounding fake and manipulative.”
#10
Instead of asking, 'Do you have any questions?' I ask, 'What questions do you have?' The first almost always results in silence, while the second helps people feel comfortable asking questions.
Emmaline Yuzu 4 years ago
"Do you...?" prompts a 'yes/no' response in your brain, while 'What...' prompts a much wider response.
Load More Replies...
Daria B 4 years ago (edited)
Most of the time, I don't ask questions simply because I don't have any. Fast forward a few days and my mind will create lots of questions, forever unanswered, or eventually googled....
Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
"Do you have any questions?" is a yes/no question. "What questions do you have?" is open ended allowing for a broader response versus just "yes/no."
Nevits Yibble 4 years ago
Sorry this is totally wrong. Both result in silence, the second is no different than the first. The reason for silence is still being researched, but there are theories (fear of asking the dumb question, fear of going first if it's in a group, being perceived as not paying attention, lack of trust, etc.). "Can I clarify anything for you?", "Is it okay to move on?", "What are your thoughts?" are far more effective. Simply pressing for questions doesn't get people to ask questions - no matter how you phrase it. And rewarding people for questions ("thanks for the question" or "that's a great question") - THAT makes them comfortable, builds trust, and encourages more. Another way to deal with silent responses is to go first yourself. "Here's a question I get quite often....". I've found that breaks through and prompts other questions.
LIZ HALL 4 years ago
"that's a great question" is so overused in interviews - I hate it - especially when it is a really stupid question & is obvious the person asking has not been paying attention.
Load More Replies...
Id row 4 years ago
This works because the first question feels like it could be a trap, like if you have any questions then you could be drawing negative attention to yourself if the person actually expects you not to have any. The second question conveys that questions are expected, so this is less trappish feeling. They want a question, you have a question - it makes you actually feel helpful when they're really helping you.
Sam Yobado 4 years ago
I always have questions, but they aren't pertinent to what you were talking at me about, so I say no, or in your adapted question, none. You did get 2 more letters out of me, so that's something.
the mom she is tired 4 years ago
The first is a challenge. It feels aggressive and possibly insulting. It sounds like a question could be an insult to the speaker. "Did I not make myself clear?" Or is the listener percieved to be stupid that they would need to ask queetions.The second opens a dialog. Letting the listener feel like there should be questions and it's okay to ask them.
#11
Saying 'You're right!' instead of 'I know' makes you look less like a [jerk] and doesn't diminish something someone else may have just found out.
Fred L. 4 years ago (edited)
So when Leia said" I love you" when they froze Han in Carbonite Han should have answered "You´re right." ?
LuckyL 4 years ago
thanks - I was about to write "I love you" - "You're right"
Load More Replies...
Petro Roos 4 years ago
There's 1 person in particular in my life. I have to count my words, every time we talk. If I say, "I know" I get "Well I'm just telling you anyway" when I say "You're right" I get "I know I'm right" so I've now resorted to "I agree with you" and that seems to work for now, we'll see how long it lasts.
EmmaH 4 years ago
Similar for me, I just say "agreed" or the noncommittal "indeed!" Lol
Load More Replies...
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
Yes but it can be a bore when people are always repeating what you already know.
Queen Jackson. 4 years ago
When I say “I know” I’m purposely trying to be a jerk. I normally only say it when a classmate is trying to walk me through instructions that I already heard the teacher explain because for some reason they believe I’ll do it wrong or I don’t know what I’m doing. It used to mess with my self esteem but now it’s just annoying.
#12
On an airplane, if my seatmate is hogging the armrest or being too chatty, I grab the barf bag. Works every time.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Claiming that preflight sushi didn't agree with you will generally quiet a chatty neighbor as well lol.
Load More Replies... Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago
I took a flight and next to me was this super nice middle eastern businessman, we chatted the whole flight. With him leaning his shoulder into me and laying his arm against mine on the rest like my wife or best female friends I have. Outside I was happy he was such a great guy; inside I was like My Personal Space Demon is SHRIEKING. Anthro degree to the rescue! Adapt to other cultures! Lol
Treessimontrees 4 years ago
it's risky depending on where you're flying but an overly chatty Cathy can be shut down by asking them "have you found jesus in your heart?"
Virgil Sanders 4 years ago (edited)
but what if they're christian and now they want to talk to you about religion?
Load More Replies...
Billy The Kid 4 years ago (edited)
if ever my uncle was on a busy bus and people were getting to close he would make a farting sound. People soon stood back then. Also i knew someone in the demolition trade. He used to go home in his dusty work clothes. People on crowded transport wouldn't go any where near him.
denzoren 4 years ago
Ohh...this is a good idea to get an empty seat next to you in case the flight isn't fully booked.
Yort 4 years ago (edited)
I haven’t been on a flight that wasn’t fully booked since like 2003.
Load More Replies...
On the other hand, one should use mind tricks and tools with caution since Susan warned that it is possible to do more harm than good with little psychological tricks. “For example, one little trick I read about is thanking someone for a trait they don't have. While that is usually very effective, it can backfire. For example, if you thank a coworker for being patient when she wasn't, she may think you're accepting her impatient behavior as 'patient'—and behave that way again.”
She also said that “Every situation and person is different. It's tough to create blanket techniques for dealing with others that are always effective, so learning to read the moods and motivations of others is a great skill.”
#13
When somebody shy is speaking, if you look at them and nod your head, it encourages them to keep talking.
Flying Captain 4 years ago
"People should talk more *with* each other rathen than *at* each other." So I share your opinion.
Load More Replies...
soni w 4 years ago
It takes Alot for shy ones to come forward. My son was excruciatingly shy and wouldn't say a word, even to me if other people were around. When he tugged on me and put his hand in his mouth, I would kneel down to him, hold his slobbery hand and give him my undivided attention, and hold it by nodding all the time and always looking at his eyes. He soon gained confidence with the people we were around quite quickly
Nat Hedley 4 years ago
I used to volunteer with a crisis helpline - a handy thing they taught us to do in the training as a non-visual equivalent of nodding is to use affirmative noises like 'mm'. It lets the caller know you're hearing and understanding them without breaking their flow and encourages them to keep talking.
Nela Rothenbach 4 years ago
I do this with my stdents, you can see how their cofidence grows immediately.
IlovemydogShilo 4 years ago
And smile and make eye contact. And listen, really listen. Then afterwards make positive comments about what they were saying.
#14
give kids 2 choices instead of letting them pick from whatever
you control.
could be 2 points of time. like "now" or in 10 minutes,
or do you want the red or the blue shirt on
things like that
works wonderfully. they feel in control, but have absolutely no control.
can work with some adults too
Amy-Lee Kempi 4 years ago
Yes! That's a good trick! If you leave too much choice, they will be indecisive, but give them option A or B and it will be easier to choose and they'll be happy with the results because they 'decided' the outcome.
Louloubelle 4 years ago
Because children will frequently pick inappropriate clothing for the time of year. My children often wanted to wear tank tops with no coats in the middle of winter, and the heaviest sweaters in summer, in spite of explanations. So, I learned to let them pick between temperature appropriate clothing. They eventually figured out what types of clothing needed to be worn at certain times. However, when it came to their own tastes, my attitude was - have at it. You want stripes and polka dots, go ahead. Make your own style.
Load More Replies... Dynein 4 years ago
Well, they have SOME control; a bit of wiggle room for their personality. Likely a good trick for kids in their defiant phase, who insist of making their own choices but tend to neglect practical limitations, and also get easily overwhelmed with an abundance of choice. Would only use on older kids and adults if either of that applies, though... otherwise it's just infantilizing. (Mind you, a limited choice is often helpful even for adults, but 2 is just too restrictive.)
Louloubelle 4 years ago
You're spot on about being overwhelmed. Sometimes this is just a good strategy for kids that turn into a deer in headlights when in an ice cream store with 31 flavors. They like having a voice, but sometimes need guidance. It's a fine line.
Load More Replies...
J. Zingler 4 years ago
mMy mum tried that some 50 years ago, like do you want your milk from the blue or green mug? My answer, I do not want milk in a green or blue mug, I ´do not want milk at all.I was 3.
Shelp 4 years ago
But it doesn't work every time, I've seen young parents use it with no results haha
Lj 4 years ago (edited)
True... "Fish or egg? I WANT BANANAAAA!!" Lol I guess it depends on the kid and how tired/moody they are at the moment.
Load More Replies...
Pheolei 4 years ago
I do this with my husband lol He is very much "whatever you want babe" So when I give him the options it gives him the opportunity to choose for himself.
Zophra 4 years ago
Me too! Me too! I narrow it down to 3 room paint color choices and he has the final choice.
Load More Replies...
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Having too many choices usually ends in regret or indecision. I subscribe to Netflix, HBOmax & Disney+ and legit can never choose what to watch. Similarly, a child with seemingly unlimited options will have a harder time making a choice & often regrets a choice made from frustration.
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
It's not a question of control. It's a question of letting kids decide, and getting things done. They *participate* in decision-making.
Raven Waters 4 years ago
This is going to be a gem for someone reading this who has a partner that has a hard time deciding what to eat, and what restaurant to go to. I'm putting this here because I think it's a good place for it. Example: Person 1 says "What should we have for dinner? Or, where do you want to eat?" Person 2 "I don't know. What do you feel like having". At this point Person 1 will tire of this as it's an ongoing ordeal. Person 1 will just say to Person 2 (when the indecision is obvious, and plans are not being made. Clock is ticking. Everyone is hungry!) Person 1 "Honey! Guess where we are going out for dinner?" Person 2 will spout out names of restaurants. Hope this helps.
Beatrice Multhaupt 4 years ago
When iIwas 10 years old, my father,s friend and his wife, a social worker, volunteered to baby-sit me for the day. I was dropped off and Mr. Z. asked, ''What would you like to do today?''. His wife nearly collapsed in giggles because, of course, when dealing with a CHILD, you're supposed to give them two choices. Well, I said I'd like to go to the museum ( Mr, Z.) had never been there; he turned a splotchy shade of purple and replied, ''But the museum is BIG'', while his wife giggled uncontrollably. ''I'd love to see the Egyptian section'', I replied. We drove there and the place was closed. Grief and disappointment on Mr. Z.'s face, ''I've just missed my only chance to see an exhibit with a competent person, he sighed.
#15
When I do something bothersome to my husband and he goes quiet, I wait a few minutes and then ask him a seemingly innocent question, usually on the subject of how certain parts of a car works. This gets him talking about the car thing and he rambles for like five minutes, and then, bam! He’s happy again and not quietly brooding. I’ll never tell him I do this because I’m afraid it won’t work anymore if he knows about it. It’s foolproof, though; it works every single time, no matter how bothered he is.
Scott Thow 4 years ago
Or maybe… just ask what is wrong and have a grown up discussion. Ask yourself; how would you feel if your partner used a trick to get you to be over something you were upset about…
Viviane 4 years ago
If you want to have a discussion about what bothered you or just vent, do so. You can just say, "I really need to talk." Don't wait for your partner to ask "What's wrong?" if you're the type who needs to have a discussion. Some prefer to vent right away, others don't. I have anxiety, so I generally prefer to wait till I'm calmer before talking. If the issue has nothing to do with him, I might prefer to discuss it with someone else if I think they're more knowledgeable about it.
Load More Replies... Flying Captain 4 years ago
I have also obeserved that this works but I actually hate this trick. If I did something bothersome then why would I even continue to do so? If it was not avoidable, my bf as all the right to be bothered yet I am free of taking emotionally care for him - he would understand that it wasn't avoidable. If it was avoidable and I didn't know what I did wrong I'd want him to tell me. By uncognito cheering him up he will never learn how to communicate when one is uncomfortable (and he even said so himself that he wants and he needs to learn how to communicate his boundaries) don't know tho, just my take on things...
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Damn i need to try this. My partner just gave me a 20m speech about why scalpers have ruined the graphics card market.
Raphael Biock 4 years ago
So you manipulate and distract him instead of apologizing or talking about what bothered him...?
Aria Whitaker 4 years ago
She is "manipulating him" to get him to discuss his interests or something he enjoys to lift his mood? Oh no, what a devil she is!!! Burn the witch! *eyeroll*
Load More Replies... Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
This works with my hubby as well and after 20 years of marriage I only recently noticed he does it with me, as well! I'll be quietly pissy, angry cleaning in silence, and he'll ask me about some bit of trivia he knows I'm knowledgeable about or "What was that book you were telling me about? What was it about again?" It begrudgingly gets me talking and almost always ensures I stop being actively angry. He'll usually segue this back into whatever we disagreed about so it can be resolved without the anger and frustration.
If you ever wonder whether anything you say or do may harm another person, you may want to ask yourself a couple of check-up questions. Susan counsels her clients to ask themselves these questions when they need to decide what to say or how to behave: “Am I hurting someone else?” (Think carefully!); “Am I hurting myself?” (Think carefully!); “Am I willing to accept the consequences of this action?”; “Does this fit in with my value system?”; “Would the person I want to be (or my hero) do or say this?”; “Is it kind?” (Kindness trumps honesty every time—unless someone is about to walk off a cliff!)
#16
"Tell me about your day. " instead of "How was your day?"
I do it when I really want to chat with a person and not get the usual "It's been OK" then nothing out of them after that.
Heard it on reddit a while back and I am amazed at how well it works. You get some info out of the person that you can maybe relate to, or help with or share similar ideas/stories.
Aurelia! 4 years ago
I like this. When you don't say 'how was your day' it relieves some of the pressure to say 'good' or 'fine' and normalizes bad days. After all, bad days happen!
Evelyn Haskins 4 years ago
Mostly you get a grunt. Or a trirade about the kids being untidy!
Load More Replies... troufaki13 4 years ago
I don't know... I would probably give the same answer "not much is going on" :/
Vicky Z 4 years ago
Me too! I hate that question especially during 2020-2021 it's so pointless! My day is the same for more than a year now!
Load More Replies... Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
"How was you day" usually is a one word response ... good, bad, slow, etc. "Tell me about your day" is an open ended question requiring more than a one word response.
... 4 years ago
First reaction to me as a Finn is to be honest and actually tell how we are doing, but we are taught to always reply fine, good or whatever positive because nobody really wants to hear the truth. Of course it depends on who you're talking with, the situation etc. But after 20 years in work life I still find it hard to say "fine" when I've had miserable day and some of my (non-Finnish) colleagues asks me "How are you doing?".
Flying Captain 4 years ago
I feel you. Same as a German. Ask Germans how they feel and be prepared to be presented with their entire medical history :D
Load More Replies...
Charlotte A. 4 years ago
It's a good tactic for any conversation. "What do you think of...?" is more likely to get someone talking, than "Did you like/hate/whatever that?" (which easily just gets a yes or no reply).
Tim Haight 4 years ago
I would ask if this we retorical or really wanted to hear about my day. If the latter, give her all the gory shitty details of my boring ass day
#17
When I have something important to say to my kids, I say it very quietly so that they listen. They're immune to my yelling, but whispering gets their attention.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
This would've worked with my son but not my daughter so I feel you lol.
Load More Replies... 
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
The louder you speak the less your heard, that's my motto, with everyone
... 4 years ago
Works with adults too. I've used this method in some situations at work when someone is yelling and accusing me unfoundedly. If you try to yell back, it'll just escalate and the other person won't listen to you. But if you keep calm and lower your voice, the other one will stop and listen. Works like magic. I've been attacked like that few times at work. Some people just want to push me down, I guess they think I'm an easy target. I let a lot go with a shrug but I have my snapping point too. I add a layer of threat to my voice to let them know I've had enough of their bs. My closest (best!) colleagues know this and they also know the signs so they kind of lay back and watch all hell break loose.
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 4 years ago
Hope you can get a better work environment soon. It sounds very toxic.
Load More Replies...
Robert Bailey 4 years ago
Reminds me of something from the 80s. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhlo-Q01Cqs
#18
If you need to deescalate someone and get them to communicate, ask them questions about numbers or personal information. I work in emergency services. If someone is totally distraught and shut down, asking their phone number, address, Social Security number, or birth date can pull them out of an emotional place and bring them back to a headspace where they can talk about what happened more easily. I often ask these questions even after I have the information, just to deescalate.
Viviane 4 years ago
When my husband was mugged at knife point, he was too upset to act. I called the credit card company first, then got him on the phone to talk to them. Then I called the police, so he had to explain what happened.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Wow, that sounds terrifying. Glad he's okay & had you to help get the ball rolling on the logistics!
Load More Replies...
Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago
Way back when I started working with the public we were taught this de-escalation tactic: "I certainly understand that X was upsetting for you. What can I do for you right now?" Repeat until customer stops emoting and starts requesting.
Anita Pickle 4 years ago
I don't think you should ask them their ssn... This may just really confuse them and maybe make them think they are somehow getting scammed when the needed help
Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
In a crisis, emotions take over. Asking simple questions gets the person to focus.
Faith Arnold 4 years ago
Hmm. That's interesting, because, every time I've been on the phone for an emergency the first thing I forget is numbers...
Evelyn Haskins 4 years ago
Nup. Definitely NOT numbers. Make then a cup of tea/coffee. Whatever they want. Sit them down. YOU relax. There is nothing quite so calming a s calming oneself
Mazer 4 years ago
I worked in emergency services as well, Often we would get calls about “someone walking on the roof of their home” (It’s always raccoons they sound exactly like human beings when walking), We must keep the person on the phone until officers get there to assess the situation. I would always ask them what their hobbies were or we talked about the weather, Anything to get that person’s mind off of the perceived threat at the time. By the way we never found a human been walking on a roof. It was always a trash panda
#19
At this point it's pretty well known, but Ive been using it for a few decades and has a special spot for me because I 'came up with it' (and was probably the 3 billionth person to 'come up with it').
Flip a coin if you cant decide something, and then follow whether or not you feel happy or disappointed with the result that it gives you.
Alejandra Lima 4 years ago
"When you can't decide something, just flip a coin. When the coin is in the air, you will be inmediatedly wishing the coin lands on one of the sides. That's the right choice you have to take."
Concept-Peter Roosdorp 4 years ago
I do something similar. I allways pick the option on the right. If that option dissapoints me, then I know which one I want.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
I have a flip coin app on my phone (it’s free by the way) for scenarios all the time
Lisa Tetlow 4 years ago
And, if you feel any bit dissatisfied with the coin's choice, that tells you which option you actually preferred.
Owen Purdy 4 years ago
Just like everyone came up with chips in a sandwich. I invented it, you invented it... we all invented it!😀
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
Chips... like Potatoe chips? Or like french fries? Either way: in a sandwich??
Load More Replies...
#20
I have a coworker who is an excessive talker. She has a heart of gold and means no harm whatsoever, but I don't have time to listen to her stream of consciousness every day. Anytime she comes into my office to chat, I give her a minute to get the gist out, and then I stand and walk out of my office. She always follows and continues yammering, and we walk right back to her cubicle. Sometimes I'll ditch her in the hallway under a guise of forgetting something at my desk. She hasnt noticed yet that I've been walking her back to her desk for months.
kasa alex 4 years ago
I have a coworker like this!! She is one of the kindest people I know, but it can be tiring when she get chattering
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
My 15f daughter is a stream of consciousness talker and it can be really wearing (mostly because I don't really know the context of 99% of what she's chatting about) I've learned that asking a few sincere questions of interest then explaining I need to get back to x,y,z task is far more effective than pretending to listen. I genuinely never want her to *stop* talking to me but an hour of the plotline for her Minecraft setup or which influencers are feuding is tough to stomach for hours on end.
Load More Replies... Bobert Robertson 4 years ago
My office has a door and people come and stand at the doorway to talk to me... Very hard to ditch people who are blocking your only exit. Lucky I sit above a warehouse floor and I can hear them coming up my stairs so I suppose I could just hide under my desk so they see an empty office and leave
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
What's wrong with telling people that you'd love to spend another morning talking, but that you have work to do?
François Carré 4 years ago
I also have a coworker like this, and it's got to the point of being truly embarrassing. She's talking all the time and making up stories about absolutely anything, like how her cat barfed on the bed in the morning. Once she has made up one of these stories to tell, she rambles through the office, looking for victims to be forced listening to her, and since she speaks very loud you can hear it well before she reaches you and starts repeating it for you with the exact same words. Sometimes she goes with random and awkward interpretation of facts that happened to someone else, and she insists on imposing her version, even to the person themselves. I'm aware that she's had some huge personal problems and she's desperately seeking attention, I still try to be nice and patient with her, but in the end I'm not so sure she's a kind person with a heart of gold.
Paul Davis 4 years ago
Had a co-worker who would follow people into the bathroom. He didn't even seem to care if people were listening to him or not, just so he'd have an object to yammer at.
Stephanie York 4 years ago
It's been my experience when people talk on and on they aren't talking to you they are talking to anyone who will stand there long enough to listen.
CincyReds 4 years ago
I have a coworker like this also, just love her to death, but she will start talking and get sidetracked so many times and start talking about something else, and won't even remember what we were initially talking about, drives me crazy! My out is, I think I hear my phone rigning...only was I can get away.
#21
Put headphones in and play the music that fits your hoped-for mood. It shifts me over to it mentally. It really helps when I need to calm down or when I need to feel happier.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Agree 10000% Nothing can shift my mood faster than music... except maybe tequila.
Load More Replies...
SirPatTheCat 4 years ago
*serial killers taking notes so that they can play the jaws theme to prepare*
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
I prefer instrumental music because lyrics can be distracting.
Load More Replies...
Mike Rodrick 4 years ago
I must say, this practice is becoming annoying. It's really no different than having your face in your phone while someone is talking to you. We don't seem to care about interacting with others because we allow ourselves to be too distracted by technology. It's like seeing a family having dinner together which is likely rare these days, & someone is checking messages or their status on FB. I find this to be really rude to those around you. The same goes with everyday conversations where someone is looking at their phone rather than paying attention to the conversation, assuming there IS one. Technology has been dominating our lives & making us "me" society with the invention of the portable phone & the internet. Great convenience but a mind wrecking addiction for many with the worst being kids. People complain about children not interacting with others by not being in school when the truth is, that even when together, their attention is fixated on their phones.
somnomania 4 years ago
i can feel things clicking on and off in my brain when i listen to music, it's wonderful stuff
#22
When you are standing in a group and somebody tells a joke or something funny happens, people tend to look towards the person they like the most while laughing.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
One step further then try to find the person that is least looked at and look at them. A lot of times there just she any no one gives them the time.
Vicky Z 4 years ago
I usually look the person that tells the joke! So you've been telling jokes to the wrong people🙂🙂🙂
Load More Replies... WildBerry 4 years ago
Not true. They may look at the person they like the most when they laugh. They may look at the person they think is "in charge" to see how much that person laughs. They may look at the person they wish to impress before they laugh They may simply just look at the person who told the joke. Making the blanket statement of 'people tend to look towards the person they like the most while laughing' is a falsehood.
Shelby P 4 years ago
This is a statement of something that happens... where's the advice in this?
Dizzy Falcon 4 years ago
Another gf chance went down the drain. Missed this like a year and a half ago
#23
If you're trying to pick out dinner with your partner, rather than ask, 'What do you want?' and getting the typical 'I don't know, anything' answer and then having suggestions shot down, start with, 'What do you NOT want? Used it a few times in some of my relationships, and it's the godsend question
MelFunction 4 years ago
Not usually an issue for me. When anyone asks what I want, the answer is always "sushi". It's only an issue lately when my partner asks "What do you want, except sushi?"
C.S. E. 4 years ago
Another option is giving options. 'I'm hungry, Mexican or Italian?' They are more likely to either pick between either option or feel comfortable enough to give their own. 'TBH, I feel like burgers.' Again, we don't do well with too many options. Personally, I am indecisive as to the general of what to eat, but, once the place is chosen, then I REALLY have opinions about what I want.
Tim Haight 4 years ago
When my wife does this s**t, I ask about something gross like hossenfefer. Usually works
#24
If I desperately need to poo and I'm on my way to the bathroom (eg. driving home or walking to one) I'll imagine it in my mind as being really far away. This stops the urgency and I find I can get there calmly :-)
Bobert Robertson 4 years ago
When I desperately need to poo I can't even think straight let alone play mind games with myself.
Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
Have you ever had the urge to use the restroom and you just keep putting it off and finally you're like, "if I don't make it to a restroom in a few seconds, this is not going to be pretty."
Eva Sawyer 4 years ago
As someone with IBS I can tell you that this doesn't work. Sometimes it even makes it more pressing of an issue and then you have s**t your pants. Makes for an awkward drive
#25
If you need to remember something, think about it while doing something noticeably unusual. This will pair the memory with the "something", so that when it is noticed later on it will trigger that particular memory.
e.g. I need to take out the garbage before going to bed.
Put your pillow at the foot of your bed.
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
I've done this for years. Works like a charm!
Load More Replies...
Robert T 4 years ago
I'm afraid I'd be "what the heck is this pillow doing on the foot of the bed".
Fricsmom 4 years ago
My sister and I move a ring to another finger. It feels weird and you’ll remember why you moved it.
Bobert Robertson 4 years ago
Lol I can just imagine on those busy days my wife being like, "Honey, what is the coffee pot doing upside down, the phone is in the fridge, watch in the sink, tv remote in your shoe, and the lightbulbs have been removed in both the kitchen and the bedroom?" and me: Umm I really don't remember, but I mowed the lawn"
Vicky Z 4 years ago
Yeah and soon she will think you have some mental disorder and try to find a doctor for you I'm afraid...
Load More Replies...
the annoying theatre kid 4 years ago
this is embarrassing but i remember reading this in a diary of a wimpy kid book a few years back
Carolina Fernández González 4 years ago
This one reminded me, that sometimes when I need to remember something I already did like for example: remember if I already took my medicine, I say something weird. I take my medicine and say "green unicorns" so I remember that I said something weird instead of forcing myself to think if I took my medicine or not.
Vetus Vespertilio 4 years ago
If you wake up in the night and want to remember something in the morning, write the key word backwards on your forehead with your finger. When you look in the mirror the next morning, you’ll “see“ the word right way around and the memory will come right back. I have no idea why this works but it’s never failed me.
Billy The Kid 4 years ago
My nan used to do something like this. If she needed to get up at a certain time in the morning she would put water on her finger and write the number on her forehead. I dont know if it works but feel free to give it a go
Load More Replies...
#26
Making people think that you need them is always better than asking them to simply do something for you.
i.e: instead of saying: "Can you do this for me?" you should say: "Listen I need you help; I can't do this."
Makes people feel good about themselves and even like you on a deeper level.
What's In Your Head? 4 years ago
This is certainly true, but please don't make it obvious that you're just using a trick on them. It would be nice if you actually meant it. I've been tricked like this multiple times by one person in charge in my first workplace. I fell for for it and felt incredibly flattered, but then I caught on and just felt stupid. I still do, and it's a LONG time ago.
Not A Panda 4 years ago
Yeah, most of these tips are "how do I manipulate people to do what I want", not genuine ways to interact with people.
Load More Replies... DDmaybeandor 4 years ago
Perhaps, but use this one sparingly. People can also feel used or taken advantage of.
Louloubelle 4 years ago
I've noticed this as I've gotten older. I can't do some of the physical things I used to be able to do. So I've started asking my kids to do things by saying I need their help, because I can't do something. Not for any psychological thing; it's just true. And they seem so much more willing to help.
Faith Arnold 4 years ago
I find it hard to ask for help because it usually means having to explain how I want things done or having to do the job again once they've finished. I'm a 66 year old woman who runs a horse barn. I have a 22 year old son. All his friends hang around doing nothing. I have tried getting them to help with chores but they are resentful and lazy and I end up having to do the job again anyway. But, once in a while I really can't move a big round bale to where I need it (I have no machinery). When I say "I need your help guys. I can't manage this on my own." They come running. But I would never pretend I couldn't manage - they KNOW how capable I am!!
Violet Smith 4 years ago
This works especially well on men, if you need something heavy lifted or to reach something high-up. "I need a tall/strong man to do "x"." Works every time, because it appeals to their vanity. (I only use it if I genuinely can't lift/reach the thing, not to be lazy or manipulative.)
David Muench 4 years ago
*Disclaimer: The effectiveness of this on teenagers has not been substantiated by parents.
Karen Lyon 4 years ago
This also works if they offer to help even though you may not really need it. Sometimes I will say, "No, I've got it, thanks!" Most of the time, though, I will let that person do something to help because acts of kindness should always be appreciated.
#27
Say hello to everybody you know, and say it with a smile. Just imagine: If someone walks into you twice a year and both times you smile and greet them enthusiastically, they will think of you as a nice person. So little effort for a person to find you friendly!
Bobert Robertson 4 years ago
"Hmmm Donny smiled at me both times I saw him, but both times he stole my wallet....I'm torn"
Isabel Care 4 years ago
I used to be deliberately and maliciously cheerful on Monday mornings at work...they deserved it.
Jette Wang Wahnon 4 years ago
I upvoted you because you really made me laugh,thank you...
Load More Replies...
François Carré 4 years ago
Not only a trick, I've made it a habit, since it really makes a difference for the benefit of the overall ambiance when you work in public service. Makes everyone feel more comfortable, including myself.
Brandy Grote 4 years ago
I AM smiling! But also wearing a mask, and more than 6 feet away, so...
Ellen Little 4 years ago
In my neighborhood, we smile and wave at everyone when we pass them. It’s always funny to see people who don’t live here be surprised by it!
Jamie S. Martindale 4 years ago
This one is quite different in various countries. USA is quite extraverted, so it works most of the time there, and in Thailand too, which is a happy and friendly culture, but in plenty of places like Eastern Europe this is a big clash with social norms there.
#28
If you hand something to someone they will take it. It’s a lot of fun
T. 4 years ago
Had this once done to me with a baby... Her father was like: "Can you hold her real quick?" And I was so baffled I just took her on my arm even though I didn't actually wanna do it in the first place. Was a funny situation in the end.
Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
I was handed a baby one. ONCE. And the family learned after that to never hand me a baby. One look and that kid started screaming like bloody murder.
Load More Replies...
John C 4 years ago
Not sure why, but this does not work on me, and I am entertained to no end when people try it on me. I do not have that instinctive "grab" motion that so many seem to, and even though I witness it working on other people and acknowledge it as a thing, I personally don't understand why someone would take or accept something without specifically wanting it. I'm also an introvert and kinda a "no touch" person. Go hug somebody else. Maybe that has something to do with it.
zite 4 years ago
People tend to take things from others if they feel comfortable with them. It works the same with yawning. I bet you often cross your hands talking with others. At least I do. This is how introverts works I guess.
Load More Replies...
shaDoria 4 years ago
yah, that's why in certain countries you are tricked to buy postcards, bracelets, charity pens and whatnot. If you hand something to me, I'll take a good look at it and if it's not something I need, I'll refuse in a heartbeat.
Sergio Bicerra 4 years ago
Yes! This happened a lot when i went to high school, on public transport: a "deaf" guy got in, handed a lot of cards with the ASL alphabet and then handed a bag for your donation. You couldn't say no cause he was "deaf" and couldn't return the card cause he just looked at you with a smile and wouldn't recieve it.
Load More Replies...
Chillace 4 years ago
Yeah, one time someone handed me a baby. I took it. I got to my car before they caught up with me.
Charlotte A. 4 years ago
Also used by scammers - they hand you a flower and you instinctively take it, and then they tell you to pay for it. So think before you just accept whatever someone's handing over ;)
Shelby P 4 years ago
had this happen to me in DC with hats. This guy just starts handing out hats and wants us to pay him $10 per hat... I think we got like 5 hats and he got like $10... don't hand s**t to me...
Load More Replies... Isabel Care 4 years ago
Might not work on those of use who grew up with older brothers of a certain type. Lack of trust, having been handed all kinds of revolting things
ultravioletmaglite 4 years ago
Did the inverse to a friend in front of an ATM. We were talking and when his cash get out, i just continued to talk and raise my hand, he put 60€ in it and followed me, still talking, before realising.
Jason Lee 4 years ago
where do you hang out that people are handing you turds?
Load More Replies...
#29
This is dumb and shouldn't work. But I'm a bartender. And if I ask someone if they want another drink and nod my head at the same time most people are inclined to do it.
CincyReds 4 years ago
No most of the time they are not sure and need encouragement, or are on the fence if they want another one, I always say well so and so just ordered another one, the bar I work at is full of regulars and is soo so just ordered one they probably will too
Load More Replies...
Scagsy 4 years ago (edited)
As an ex-bar manager we used to have a policy where if someone asked for say, a white wine, the bartender offered a small (175ml) or regular (250ml) size. Customers will usually go for the regular so they don't appear stingy. The glass sizes were the same, but other bars called them medium (175ml) or large (250ml). Easy to go for a medium, hard to go for a small. Psychological upselling at it's best.
Nadine Debard 4 years ago (edited)
Small wine glass is 175ml? Oh boy. In France the regular (and only) size is 125mL. The amount of alcohol served per drink is regulated by law and every glass contains the same alcohol quantity.
Load More Replies... IlovemydogShilo 4 years ago (edited)
When my dad was bartending as a young man he had to learn how to make all different kinds of drinks, a lot of the time were cocktails that were new to him. If a customer asked him how to get them a drink he wasn't sure how to make he would ask the customer "and how would you like me to make that for you, sir/ ma'am?". This worked on a few levels. 1 dad found out how to make the drink from the customer without the customer realising. 2 The customer, not knowing that dad was unsure how to make the drink, thought he was going the extra mile to make the drink exactly like he (the customer), wanted it. And 3 when dad made the drink to the customer's specifications the customer was really happy, thanked dad for the perfect drink and went away very happy, usually leaving dad with a great tip too. Worked every time. 😊
Franklin Parrish 4 years ago
Interesting. I was taught to remove the word "another" from my vocabulary as a server. Using that word reminds the customer that they've already had one and makes the decision to have a drink easier.
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
I wonder if this works with someone you shouldn't serve - shaking your head 'no' when they shouldn't have any more?
hail beavis 4 years ago
It actually does! It's also a good way to nudge stragglers when you're trying to close up.
Load More Replies... Billy The Kid 4 years ago
I tried this when i proposed to my partner but she still said no. Hmmm....
Šimon Špaček 4 years ago
Does it work in the other way too? I mean, all bartenders know the guy who really shouldn't have another glass. As a barfly I saw many times somebody who really didn't need another, sometimes I was the one. If bartender asked "do you want another" and shook head, would it trigger this guy to say "well, in fact I don't" pay and leave? I have to ask some bartender to try when pubs will reopen.
Michael Robertson 4 years ago
As a bartender if you know someone doesn't need another drink you are obligated to refuse them further service.
Load More Replies... #30
Listen to someone without giving advice or asking for more information. This typically gets me more information than if I were to be pushy about it.
Dynein 4 years ago
Vague sounds of acknowledgement are good, which confirm you are actually listening but provide no further contribution. Best if they fit the intonation and emotion of what was said: Huh. Oh! Oh? God... Really? No way! etc
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
Yes. It’s called active listening. It lets the person who’s talking know you haven’t drifted off, but are still very engaged with what they’re saying. If you intersperse the um-hmms and reallys? with pertinent clarifying questions, believe me, you will get information. Lastly, most people only half listen while thinking of the next thing they’re going to say. Be aware enough to catch yourself at it, then stop and turn your full attention to the person talking. That way you actually hear what they’re saying. There’s a difference between listening and hearing. Hearing means you’re not only receiving the words, but also their meaning.
Load More Replies...
Bob Belcher 4 years ago
Oh yes we do this as auditors when we know it's going to be a difficult conversation. Ask them an open-ended question and then just sit there. Let them speak for as long as they want. Silence makes people so uncomfortable and they'll talk just to get out of it.
littlesaresare 4 years ago
To me it just seems like they're not interested, so I stop bothering them.
#31
To deescalate a situation or someone who is prone to violence, address them at one or two emotional levels below where they are. For example, If their anger is at a level 10, then you should come in at a level 8. Being completely calm, reserved, and polite only pisses people off more because you 'clearly don't understand the magnitude of the situation. If they are screaming and yelling, you need to come in loud — while not attacking them, and agreeing with them (to a point). When you agree with their anger, they are more open to listening to you. Works pretty much every time, though there may be a little up and down in the middle. Just follow the person's lead, while always being a level below them.
Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
I purposely get more calm when I fight with my mom. She gets more angry the more calm I get. It's kind of funny, but I do it in the hopes of calming her down. I'm soft spoken and she's a loud-mouth in general. I guess I could try this, but honestly, going from a 1 to a 5 would even be really hard for me.
Aunt Messy 4 years ago
I leave the room if someone is shouting at me. I will literally walk out the door, hang up the phone, or go somewhere else. You CAN make people respond if you just exit while they're yelling. ...///... When someone goes ballistic on me, I just say either, "Ok, I'm done", and leave or, "Whatever you say. I'm not going to listen to someone scream at me", and leave. Try it. It works.
Load More Replies...
Not A Panda 4 years ago
No thanks. I don't like aggression and violence and I will not stoop to their level. I'm not going to be a shouty idiot just to calm down a shouty idiot.
Shelp 4 years ago
But if you are around people, all they will see is two stupid pricks shouting at each other and then loudly roaring "yes you're okay this is infuriating", and they will think bad of both of you. But if you stay calm and soft-spoken the whole time, the other people will think you were the good guy all along. Of course, it only works if there are other people present.
DDmaybeandor 4 years ago
This is absolutely correct. I'll give you a fictitious example from my work. A teenage boy (John) at a group home gets off the phone with his dad. John's dad tells him that his mom planted drugs on him to get him arrested. John is furious when he gets off the phone. As an adult, knowing that his dad has a history of lying and drug use, maybe you're tempted to not take the matter seriously and just try to calm John down. But that's not how it works. This is John's world, he feels powerless. Reflect John's anger where you can, "OMG I would feel SO angry! I mean, who can you trust? Why would they do this?! Honestly, as a parent I'm kind of mad they even told you this. You can't do anything about it and it's so frustrating!". Then listen, listen, listen. Then be curious, "Did this sort of thing happen a lot growing up? Tell me about your parents. Oh, they both did drugs? Makes me feel kinda sick, but I bet you have some funny stories.". Listen some more.
Crazy Dog Lady 4 years ago
Never works with my roommates. But my roommates can be obnoxious sh1ts sometimes. They are also toddlers. Literally.
King Joffrey 4 years ago
I fully agree with the "acknowledge their anger" part but what works for me is disarming aggressive people with kindness.
#32
My husband says, 'I will give you $50 if you hiccup two more times.' It works amazingly well — he's never had to pay me.
Sasy 4 years ago
The change of focus can help get rid of the hiccups, like the idea of scaring them away.
Load More Replies...
Demi Zwaan 4 years ago (edited)
I had a really bad hiccup once, lasted a few minutes, tried all the tricks and then my coworker came over and said 'did you finish that query yet?'. And I was like 'what query?'. 'Well, the one we talked about yesterday'. And I panicked a little, because I couldn't remember and then he laughed. I was so preoccupied with the remembering that it changed my breathing, the hiccups went away. There was no query :)
John Juan 4 years ago
I had a teacher who used this. You'd say, "I need to get a drink of water. I have the hiccups." She'd reply, "Let's hear you do it." Most times you couldn't.
Guada Narbaitz 4 years ago
Thats how my dad taught me to get rid of it. He would say, ok, tell me when you are gonna hiccup. Is it now? Or now? Come on, now? What about now? And I would concentrate super hard, trying to anticipate it... and it never came. Every time I have the hiccups now, I just try to anticipate it and boom, its gone.
Load More Replies...
James Dean 4 years ago
This is super interesting... also I can't remember when I or anyone else last had hiccups... has hiccups stopped?
Lily Mae Kitty 4 years ago
sheesh, I wish my husband would do this to me b/c mine can go on. Usually holding my breath and sipping water, swallowing between each sip does the trick for me.
Nicola Roberts 4 years ago
I can't remember the last time I had hiccups. Surely more than ten years ago? Why am I asking you, If I don't know, you're not going to know!
#33
Thank someone for a trait you want them to have. Instead of telling a customer you’re sorry for the wait, tell them, 'Thank you for your patience or understanding.' Works wonders."
Stille20 4 years ago
... and how do you know its a Karen if they just stepped up? Or just all middle aged white women are automatically b****es?
Load More Replies... Monday 4 years ago
Again this doesn't work with everyone. I'm going to get more annoyed if you thank me for my patience if I didn't have a say in waiting. If I was warned there would be a wait and you thank me for my patience I'll respond positively, but if not I'm going to prefer a simple "sorry for the wait" instead.
Charlotte A. 4 years ago
They're less likely to be rude about it if you thank them instead of apologise. If you apologise, some people think it's OK to step all over you and treat you terribly.
Load More Replies... #34
I’m a professional poker player. When I am in a pot with one other player, I often try to make them laugh when they are thinking about what to do. If you can get them to laugh, it sets them in a mood where they are unlikely to bluff.
Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago (edited)
I used to play poker in college, just $20 pots, nothing big. But I don't drink! Just don't like the flavor or the effect on me. Yeah, try being the only sober guy playing poker. Hilarious and profitable!
#35
When you’re talking to someone, they will naturally fill silence. It’s subconscious. If you want them to keep talking, keep your own mouth shut. This is useful if you’re ever in a verbal altercation.
Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
Plus, it's fun to listen to someone dig their hole deeper and deeper while you stand there incredulous.
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
Two salespeople called me at work. One was a total pro who seemed to have read our minds about our needs. I put her through to the president. The other one gave "we're fabulous" as a reason to buy their services. I blew her off. She called back a few months later and it was ridiculously easy to get her to talk about irrelevancies - such as her hysterectomy. Wow.
Load More Replies... Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
Most people are uncomfortable with silence. This is one of the most basic tenets as therapist/counselor ... don't fill the silence; let the client fill the void ... it's usually very telling about what's truly on their mind.
#36
This isn't something I've used but I think it's worth sharing. Derren Brown said that once there was a muscley drunk guy that wanted to beat him up and said the classic "what are you looking at." Derren replied with "the wall outside my house is four feet tall." The idea is that it puts the aggravated person on the back foot and takes them out of that adrenaline filled state. Anyways he sat down and the guy started crying to him about his gf. He is Derren Brown though so I wouldn't recommend this to everyone
Shelp 4 years ago
But there's a risk the big muscley guy thinks you are making a fool out of him and gets even angrier
Ian Koch 4 years ago
he did say that he didn't recommend it to everyone though.
Load More Replies...
Chaotic-pansexual-Gemini 4 years ago
I would say something like “oh, sorry, there was a fly on your shoulder but it flew away when you moved. It’s all good” and smile
#37
I work as a Creative Director. I have a lot of great clients, unfortunately with a few bad managers from their side. They usually go with the mantra of "If it's not my idea, it's not a good idea". I end up (sometimes) telling them about something Google, Tesla, Amazon, Samsung, Etc. is doing, and how we could try it. They jump at these ideas. The ideas are actually mine or my teams. Works like a charm.
Use this sparingly. Using it as an easy escape is not a good idea. It works, but know when to use it. If you use it all the time, it won't make you look any better. It will also allow people to be promoted who aren't capable of doing the job (pointed out by rutefoot [ Thank you]). Good luck everyone!
Al Christensen 4 years ago
I used to be a creative director. Clients would often ask, "Why can't we just do what so-and-so is doing?" And I'd have to answer, "Because they're already doing it, it would infringe on their copyright, and your potential customers would think you're unoriginal."
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Potential customers would think that the business is shady when it plagiarizes, The second thought will be: " If they try to sell me stolen designs or ideas, they will also steal my ideas to sell them on the competition."
Load More Replies... #38
When you're in an argument, find something to agree on, then push your main point.
Shelp 4 years ago
This is like the absolute ground level of manipulation. "You like children, right?" "Err, I guess so?" "So you must agree with me that abortion is an abomination" "..."
Orange Juice 4 years ago
"You like breathing, right?' "Well... yeah?" "So you shouldn't smoke."
Load More Replies...
#39
I have to work with kids a lot, having a summertime “job” where I volunteer to assist counselors at a camp for service hours and having five younger siblings. DONT tell them not to do something. If I told you, “DONT THINK ABOUT UNICORNS!” you’ll immediately think about unicorns for the split second I say it. If I instead said, “THINK ABOUT TURTLES!” you’ll think about turtles for at least that split second I said it. Don’t tell a kid not to something, rather tell them to do something else. Instead of “Don’t hit your sister!” say, “Let’s play a nice game with your sister.” That way you don’t put the idea into their mind that you don’t want them doing it, which, in their childish manner, fuels the fire to do it more.
Not A Panda 4 years ago
Sorry, children SHOULD be told there are things they cannot do, and it should certainly be made clear from a very young age that violence is not acceptable. So you just rewarded a child that hit his or her sister with a game.... chew on that for a bit.
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
What about a quick "Don't hit your sister, you shouldn't hit anyone" and then presenting them with an alternative, such as "Let's play a nice game with her"?
Load More Replies...
Jrizzy Jay 4 years ago
This is literally the dumbest thing that has ever been posted on this page
#40
I work with a bunch of idiot lawyers, and I use the phrase 'You’re correct' all the time. Even if it’s one teeny, tiny thing they’re correct about, it makes them feel smart and they instantly soften. It also keeps them listening because they’re hoping more flattery will come down the pike.
Susan Green 4 years ago
This could backfire too. They might end up thinking that they are always the smartest person in the room, even if they aren’t.
Michael Ward 4 years ago
they're lawyers, they already think they are the smartest person in the room.
Load More Replies... DDmaybeandor 4 years ago
I do this a lot when talking politics. I try hard to find somthing I can agree with on the other side, then try to be curious instead of confrontational. My social and family group are pretty much polar opposites politically and everyone feels attacked, but using this tactic (which is pretty much the golden rule) I've gotten many more people to see what both sides have in common as well as moral and logical reasons one may feel the way they do.
Al Christensen 4 years ago
And there's a difference between saying, "You're correct," and "That's correct." The latter implies you are the all-knowing judge of correctness.
Charlotte A. 4 years ago
If everyone you work with is an idiot it might not be them, but you...
wenchie 4 years ago
My boyfriend recently pointed out that I say "correct" when speaking with him, and it drives him absolutely up the wall. He said I sounded like I was at work, not having a normal conversation, and he hates it. I didn't even realize I was doing it! Now he just looks at me pointedly if I let one slip.
#41
If someone says they have the hiccups, ask them to prove it. 9/10 times, their hiccups will disappear. Having to summon a hiccup in order to demonstrate will trick your diaphragm into just Not Hiccuping. I've been able to twist it around on myself with some success as well, but it takes practice. You realize you have hiccups, then /try/ to hiccup. Actively try to make yourself do another one. It'll stop.
RGNix 4 years ago
If this was Reddit I would give you an award for that comment.
Load More Replies...
Pansexual-Pancake 4 years ago
with hiccups it's like you want to stop and then you stop then it feels weird because the hiccups made you feel weird and now you feel empty
What do you think ?
Wouldiwas Shookspeared 4 years ago
I don’t know if this counts but if someone is crying or having a hard time DONT say it’s ok. It’s not ok. They are upset and not ok. Instead say like that’s seems really hard or yeah that guy is a jerk.
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
Sometimes all people need is a sympathetic, unjudgmental ear.
Load More Replies...
Demi Zwaan 4 years ago
Too be honest, a lot of these tricks are awfully manipulative and often used by abusers. It's a fine line to thread, be careful.
Charlotte A. 4 years ago
I think most of these tricks are innocent enough - and using them won't turn you into an abuser. That said, manipulative people will use them and others, for sure.
Load More Replies...
labaguette🥖️🥖️ 4 years ago
Love the post, but the amount of negative comments on here is astronomical.
Michael Ward 4 years ago
When I worked at a petrol station as an attendant, on sunny days I wanted to be outside and pumping peoples fuel for them. But when it was raining I hated it out there. So I found it's all in how you ask. If I asked "do you need any help?" 90% of people reflexed answered "no", and I could walk back inside out of the rain, you'd get caught by that ten percent but it still had you going back inside soon enough. If I wanted to stay out I'd ask "can I do that for you" and seriously the percentages flipped, I'd say 90% of people answered "yes" to that, as soon as I'd finish with a car another would be there and I'd ask again and they'd say yes too, so then I could stay out in the sun pretty much for as long as I wanted.
Verena Gitterle 4 years ago
When you want someone to be more agreeable, ask a question he/she HAS to answer with "Yes". When they once have said yes, they will be more open. If a person is shy, lower your voice and speak slowly and not too loud.
Sanne H. 4 years ago (edited)
The yes-trick is a dangerous weapon when it is in the hands of sales people.
Load More Replies...
turtledove 4 years ago
Sometimes if i want something or want to do something but i need permission, ill tell the person that im going to do it instead of asking if i can. "Im going to get icecream with my friends" instead of "can i get icecream with my friends"
Mimic 4 years ago
Many of these are active vs passive voice. In order to help in situations it's oftentimes better to be an active voice, using action verbs. When we speak passively it can oftentimes lead to being steamrolled/seen as indecisive or aloof. Not in every situation mind you, just a generalization. This also works with listening, being an active listener validates the speaker. You don't have to interject thoughts but maintaining eye contact, non verbal communication and sympathy/empathy really goes a long way.
Wouldiwas Shookspeared 4 years ago
I don’t know if this counts but if someone is crying or having a hard time DONT say it’s ok. It’s not ok. They are upset and not ok. Instead say like that’s seems really hard or yeah that guy is a jerk.
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
Sometimes all people need is a sympathetic, unjudgmental ear.
Load More Replies... Demi Zwaan 4 years ago
Too be honest, a lot of these tricks are awfully manipulative and often used by abusers. It's a fine line to thread, be careful.
Charlotte A. 4 years ago
I think most of these tricks are innocent enough - and using them won't turn you into an abuser. That said, manipulative people will use them and others, for sure.
Load More Replies... labaguette🥖️🥖️ 4 years ago
Love the post, but the amount of negative comments on here is astronomical.
Michael Ward 4 years ago
When I worked at a petrol station as an attendant, on sunny days I wanted to be outside and pumping peoples fuel for them. But when it was raining I hated it out there. So I found it's all in how you ask. If I asked "do you need any help?" 90% of people reflexed answered "no", and I could walk back inside out of the rain, you'd get caught by that ten percent but it still had you going back inside soon enough. If I wanted to stay out I'd ask "can I do that for you" and seriously the percentages flipped, I'd say 90% of people answered "yes" to that, as soon as I'd finish with a car another would be there and I'd ask again and they'd say yes too, so then I could stay out in the sun pretty much for as long as I wanted.
Verena Gitterle 4 years ago
When you want someone to be more agreeable, ask a question he/she HAS to answer with "Yes". When they once have said yes, they will be more open. If a person is shy, lower your voice and speak slowly and not too loud.
Sanne H. 4 years ago (edited)
The yes-trick is a dangerous weapon when it is in the hands of sales people.
Load More Replies... turtledove 4 years ago
Sometimes if i want something or want to do something but i need permission, ill tell the person that im going to do it instead of asking if i can. "Im going to get icecream with my friends" instead of "can i get icecream with my friends"
Mimic 4 years ago
Many of these are active vs passive voice. In order to help in situations it's oftentimes better to be an active voice, using action verbs. When we speak passively it can oftentimes lead to being steamrolled/seen as indecisive or aloof. Not in every situation mind you, just a generalization. This also works with listening, being an active listener validates the speaker. You don't have to interject thoughts but maintaining eye contact, non verbal communication and sympathy/empathy really goes a long way.
You May Like Trick The Brain By Utilizing These 85 Psychology Tricks 28 St. Patrick’s Day Facts To Know Before You Start Celebrating 43 Foreigners Share Traits That Instantly Reveal Someone Is American
Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė
Aivaras Kaziukonis
Dominyka Proškėnaitė
Related on Bored Panda
