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Man Refuses Vasectomy, Bans Abortion, Acts Shocked When Ex-Wife Initiates Custody On Her Terms
Adult holding baby wrapped in knitted blanket, illustrating co-parenting and baby custody every other week arrangement.
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Man Refuses Vasectomy, Bans Abortion, Acts Shocked When Ex-Wife Initiates Custody On Her Terms

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Unwanted pregnancies, unfortunately, happen, and some people choose not to go through with the birth. However, those who do typically end up in a messy situation.

This couple is no different. The woman has been vocal about her reluctance to be a mother, while her ex-husband also refuses to be involved full-time. She one day showed up at his workplace to drop off her son and demand 50/50 custody, further complicating their problem. 

After getting berated by her husband’s family, she now wonders if she was wrong for what she did. 

RELATED:

    Many unwanted pregnancies don’t end well for everyone involved

    Parent holding baby wrapped in a blanket, representing co-parenting and shared baby custody every other week.

    Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    This woman ended up divorcing her husband, the person who pushed her to continue raising the child despite her reluctance

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    Couple discussing divorce agreement with wedding rings on table, relating to dropping baby off with ex-husband.

    Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

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    She demanded 50/50 custody from her now-former spouse

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    Woman in a gray coat talking on the phone, considering dropping baby off with ex-husband for every other week custody.

    Image credits: semenay erdoğan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    To push her case, she made an unannounced visit to the man’s workplace and dropped off their infant son

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    Image credits: Vegetable_Ring_2588

    Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    An unintended pregnancy may take a toll on the woman’s mental health

    The woman’s actions and persistence to have her husband involved may indicate that she is under a lot of stress. Research has shown that this is a common occurrence among women going through unintended pregnancies. 

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    According to a study published in BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, unwanted pregnancies increase the risk of maternal depression and parental stress by 22%. Marital conflict was also a high likelihood, and as seen in the story, the couple’s relationship ended in divorce. 

    Another study by the University of the Basque Country in Spain concluded that unexpected pregnancies can disrupt the woman’s way of life. 

    “Our interpretation is that unexpected pregnancies can be more destabilising for younger women because their emotional and employment situation tends to be more precarious,” the study’s author Anna Barbuscia explains.  

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    The emotions that women go through as they deal with unwanted pregnancies can be overwhelming. This is why one of the first steps most experts advise is to acknowledge the shock. 

    According to PsychCentral, it is a normal emotion to feel, especially after going through sudden traumatic life changes. Therefore, giving yourself time to process and take it all in may be necessary. 

    However, the bigger problem for the woman appears to be her ex-husband, who seems more concerned with controlling the situation than providing help. He left her with no workable options, including adoption. 

    In her case, professional help may be the next best option. As a primary care physician, Dr. David Moss points out that lawyers are best qualified to help a person navigate legal battles, especially in the author’s case, where the husband has made the situation more complicated. 

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    Legal counsel is a valuable resource for determining whether the patient has an obligation to inform the father or if any legal action may be needed to protect the patient’s wishes,” Dr. Moss wrote in an article for American Family Physician

    The author is on the right track in contacting a lawyer. However, it may be best for her to try to get full custody of the child and not let the father be involved.

    The woman provided more information in the comments

    Reddit conversation about dropping baby off at ex-husband’s and demanding he take the baby every other week custody debate.

    Reddit conversation about dropping baby off with ex-husband and demanding he take baby every other week custody debate.

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    Reddit conversation about dropping baby off on ex-husband and demanding shared custody every other week.

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    Reddit discussion about custody agreement and demands for ex-husband to take baby every other week after divorce.

    Many took her side, faulting the ex-husband for “forcing” her to have the child

    Comment discussing legal advice and custody options related to dropping baby off on ex-husband and demanding custody every other week.

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    Comment explaining the challenges of co-parenting and the need for custody agreement in baby drop-off and parenting time.

    Screenshot of online discussion about custody arrangement advice for dropping baby off and demanding ex-husband take baby every other week.

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    Reddit comment discussing responsibility and child support for dropping baby off with ex-husband every other week custody arrangement.

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    Reddit comment discussing opinions on abortion bans and their impact on children in a casual online forum setting.

    Comment on a forum expressing a critical opinion about dropping a baby off with an ex-husband and demanding shared custody every other week.

    Comment on a forum post about dropping baby off on ex-husband and demanding he take the baby every other week discussing control issues.

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    Comment discussing ex-husband’s parental rights and child support in a debate about demanding baby custody every other week.

    A few people criticized her 

    Comment discussing dropping baby off on ex-husband and demanding he take baby every other week in parenting dispute.

    Reddit comment discussing dropping baby off with ex-husband and demanding he take the baby every other week custody schedule.

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    Alt text: Reddit comment harshly criticizing a parent for dropping baby off with ex-husband and demanding alternating custody weeks.

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    Screenshot of a forum comment discussing dropping baby off to ex-husband and demanding custody every other week.

    Comment in an online forum discussing dropping baby off and demanding ex-husband take the baby every other week custody arrangement.

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    And there were those who pinned the blame on the couple

    Comment text criticizing both parents in a discussion about dropping baby off with ex-husband and demanding custody every other week.

    Reddit comment discussing dropping baby off with ex-husband and demanding he take baby every other week in custody dispute.

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    Comment on a parenting forum discussing dropping baby off at ex-husband’s and demanding child custody every other week.

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    Comment discussing dropping baby off with ex-husband and demanding he take the baby every other week in a custody debate.

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

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    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

    What do you think ?
    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    THIS is why woman need the right to abort!!! Exactly this! HE did not want an abortion! HE did not want to give it up for adoption! So, why does SHE have to live with it now, while he just lives his happy life as if nothing happened!? Good for her! She did exactly the right thing snd I think she should just leave the baby with him 100%, if she still does not really want it. Let him figure out what to do with HIS effing choices! Darn it

    Lola July
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This is why adoption would be ideal. No murdering an innocent child to solve their problems. She says " I haven't heard back from the attorney." Excuses for everything! Call again, call different attorneys. You can also contact CPS. IF He refuses responsibility and she's not bonding forcing him and his parents who don't want the baby is no way for this innocent child to be raised. They can go to court and have their parental rights severed. She can't force him to love his child, so yes he's an a$$ but so is she.

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    Nils Skirnir
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Folks that are beating up on OP perhaps aren’t from the US and don’t understand how draconian Texas is about abortion and abandonment. He state has prosecuted abortion providers out of state, prosecuted people for going out of state to get one, demanded records of women who they thought might be pregnant, prosecuted women for miscarriages, have rewards for turning in people who have abortions, allow lawsuits by anyone against an abortion seeker, prosecuted women for dropping an infant at hospitals, etc, etc. OP was right to be afraid.

    and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP stated that her ex threatened to report her if she sought abortion out of state, as well. I really think, for the sake of both OP and the child, she should contact a lawyer and figure out how to give the baby up for adoption.

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    Bonesko
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ESH, but mostly the lawmakers that allow this sort of sh*t to happen.

    SkyBlueandBlack
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Esh? She didn't have a choice. That's what living in Texas means.

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    Sue User
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To all those saying she could haave gotten an abortion. Did you not read the oart where she said he was going to turn her in ? In Texas, it is a criminal offense to go out of state to get an abortion. It is also a criminal offense to help someone get an abortion. She cannot give the child up fir adoption if the fatger says no. However, she still must raise the baby even if she wants adoption and he doesnt. Finalky, did you see the part where in order to get a faster divorce, she had to assume sole custody? No wonder lawyer hasnt called her back. Any law case will be a kosing battle as they paint the mother as a vile cresture for wabting to " abandon" the child so soon, and how it would be so hard for the man, but since she works from home, she is just being lazy and trying to get out if her duty ? This is the environment in areas of USA right now.

    tameson
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    tameson 1 minute ago Texas has NOT passed a law making it illegal to travel out of state for an abortion. Even if they did, it would be found unconstitutional. Four Texas counties have laws allowing private citizens to sue someone who helps anyone travel out of state for an abortion but those laws are viewed as unconstitutional, even in Texas.

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    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The YTAs are ignoring the fact OP had HG, same thing Princess Kate had with all 3 of her kids + was hospitalized for. So driving or flying to a different state for a termination was never doable for OP. I do not blame OP in the least for dropping off the baby at the AH-ex's work since he never made arrangements to see or care for the baby.

    SkyBlueandBlack
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And if she had driven or flown to another state for an abortion, she'd now be in prison.

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    Tamra
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm fairly shocked by the YTA and ESH votes here. This woman sounds like she explored all options, but was met with resistance and threats from the useless man who not only got her pregnant, but refuses to step up and actually try to be a decent parent. I feel she should have done more research about the legality of abortion out of the state of Texas, because she could have legally done that. However, as she said, she was struggling with hyperemesis during the pregnancy, and couldn't drive. It's just curious to me that everyone is dog-piling judgment on this woman who seemed to try everything within her power, and are conveniently ignoring the abjectly useless man who's apparently all but abandoned the child he fathered.

    and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Texas will prosecute you for doing that. Also, she said that her ex stated that he would report her for doing so.

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    Earonn -
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is a good mother who faces her feelings with honesty. Ex is one of the s****y forced breeders who are happy to force women to have babies but don't want any of the work that comes with bringing up a Human. They should be forced to adopt the babies they force to be born, but we can't that to the poor children. Hope OP finds a way out. I find it horrible that she should neither be able to give the child to the father or up for adoption. Reproductive slavery. Texas is such a s**t place.

    DC
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another proof that banning abortions does not help anybody but the self-righteous holier-than-thou christian theocrats that are destroying the US currently.

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did nobody read the "I love my baby" part???? Ok, they haven't really bonded. That happens. But she is trying her very best! Probably it would be the best to sue her ex to pay a huge amount of child support every month and then hire childcare from that money

    Dragons Exist
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems like all the YTAs are just blaming both of them and saying that they should just get over it because it "is UNFAIR to that sweet innocent boy" and "that baby deserves so much better", because they completely missed the point of the story

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's been said before, but so many people like to ignore this: she could NOT give the baby up for adoption without HIS consent which he REFUSED to give.

    Sparkle
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think in this whole situation the government is the a*s. That poor kid will know it's not loved. As for needing the ex husbands okay for adoption in my opinion once you're divorced since the courts the majority of the time give custody to the mother she shouldn't have to need his permission.

    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The government here is the people of Texas who voted for this. Unfortunately, many people who didn't vote against these people are being punished along with the forced-birthers. I hope to see a giant exodus of women from Texas. Maybe we can start an organization that helps women get out of Texas, or other women-enslaving states.

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    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So she should have gotten an abortion & risked being charged with murder or never go home? This is all about control, not babies, as we can see here. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    CP
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Christians who force their way of life on people are the biggest AHs! Along with Jessica Langmeyer. The lack of care you have for your fellow human is deplorable.

    BoredPangolin
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Despite how awful how it is for the baby, I'm glad a case like this happens and how it blows up on a man's lap. I HOPE women in her situation will take their case to lawyer and FORCE fathers to take care of the kid THEY produced. Not just money: actually parent. Abortion rights will be back within a year. 🤣

    Phil Green
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He was the one that insisted on a baby. This medieval attitude in some men disgusts me. I didn't want children, but my ex-wife (now) fell pregnant. I assume he's my son and I have treated him as mine, he has grown to be someone I am proud of, with a family of his own. I had a vasectomy as soon as I could, after the birth. Parenting is a shared responsibility. Equal for both man and woman. The husband is an idiot and the OP should have had full responsibility for her own body.

    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The anti-abortion people don't care about babies. They care about controlling women.

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    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I couldn't drive myself out of state for an abortion, I would've been on a bus. It's only going to get you arrested in Texas if you abort in Texas. In a state where it's legal, Texas can't do anything to you. Now she's trapped. Get a lawyer and force the 50/50 split, or force an adoption. If he doesn't want to care for the child, he'll sign. If he refuses, she can relinquish custody and force 100% on him while paying him child support. He'll sign or agree to custody

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Q: How do you feel about the woman dropping the baby off unannounced at her ex-husband's workplace? A: It depends on the height the baby was dropped from.

    Aurora
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why every single place that doesn't allow abortions is a complete shithole.

    Anna Drever
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The lawyer hasn’t gotten back to her??? Chase them up or get a better lawyer who WILL take your calls. Ffs.

    KatSaidThat
    Community Member
    1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did those YTA folk read the part abut it being illegal and him threatening her with going to jail? He forced her into this situation, now he can suffer the consequences. I feel for this child. I feel for her too as this is a terrible situation of his making.

    J R
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The YTAs are insane. The woman lives in Texas, and the husband absolutely would have taken her to court if she'd crossed state lines for an abortion. Maybe the case would have gotten tossed out, or maybe not, but she would have been put through hell having to hire legal counsel and dealing with all the forced birthers who would harass her. This is one of the many reasons abortion needs to be legal and easily accessible.

    Key Lime
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a little like the guy who forced his girlfriend into having his baby. She gave up all her rights and pays child support but this guy went to the internet to ask how he could get her to raise this baby because it was a lot of work.

    weatherwitch
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That poor poor woman. And the Despicable misogyny of Texas. Her husband is A PATHETIC piece of manhood and should not be the father either. She should go to the courts, report how she was blocked and how he's thinking of being an occasional weekend dad, you know when he's ready in Never years time. Have the little one adopted. She didn't want to be a mother and he wanted to be a Man (father) in verility terms not as a parent. I Hate those people going after her. She's been Forced in her own Country (America the free 🤮) into parenthood, was too poorly to both get away and too Terrified of Prison to get one. As well as this lady there's poor Adriana brain dead, forced by government to be kept alive because the fetus was nine weeks old at her death. Her Family are forced to pay medical bills for a mother who is brain dead and a baby that won't make it. As I understand it now the deceased mother has a baby of 21 weeks gestation. Her five years old son thinks mummy is coming back 😢

    Stephan Reyes
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Tonyah Mcanelly
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OF all people involved I feel bad for the baby with parents like this I cant imagine what this childs life is going to be like. Regardless of the circusmstance these people need to figure it out fast and get it together there is an innocent child . involved. If neither of you want this child and it seems like you do. Give it up for adoption hopefully it will go to a loving family who cant have children that want children and give this kid a fair shot in life .

    Schnitzel
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is such a mess! Hope the kid turns out ok!

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just to clarify Texan law: as May 2025: you can surrender a child to a safe baby place if the infant is 60 days or younger, with no legal repercussions. Texas law does not prevent or prosecute people from travelling out of state for an abortion. If OP had spoken to a doctor about this, contacted an advocacy group, Googled, she would have known this. this is rage bait and it's working. If anyone has an unwanted pregnancy in Texas, there are still options.

    Sera
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She doesn’t want to give the baby up. You keep talking about the safe haven laws like that is what she should be doing instead of addressing the fact that a man who coerced her into giving birth is refusing to take responsibility for the child he created.

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    Tyranamar
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love her comments that she’s called one lawyer but he hasn’t called her back. Umm…what about calling more lawyers? Get one that will call you back. She’s being just as lame about doing what needs done now as she was about getting the abortion in the first place. Sometimes, you have to put in some effort if you don’t want your life to be a c**p show.

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So, how often were you a single mother, barely out of childbed, having rocked through a speed divorce, working fulltime WHILST "putting in some effort"?????

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    Sara Frazer
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    You were afraid of going to jail but now that poor child has to exist and go through life with parents who don't love or want him. Sad.

    Taylor's Ferry
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    It's fake. InTexas, there is a 60-day waiting period for divorce, so the fastest a divorce can be finalized is 61 days. However, most cases take several months to a year, especially if there are children involved. For a couple with an infant to file for divorce in the US it takes longer than a few months.

    Sera
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It literally says two months my dude. That is approximately 60 days. Just because “most” cases take longer doesn’t mean they can’t be that short.

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    G A
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This is pro-choice ragebait. I don't believe a word of it. I'm pro choice and from the UK and male so don't directly have a dog in this fight but this reads like box ticking fiction especially with the pathetic excuses for not terminating the fake pregnancy. Rubbish.

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a fellow European I understand that it can be difficult to understand but OP had a condition during her pregnancy that most women are hospitalized for, there's no way she could have gotten herself anywhere, and her now ex husband threatened to report her to Texas law enforcement if she did have an abortion, meaning that if she left and ever returned she would be arrested and jailed. The US is just so much more f*cked up than what you'd expect right now

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    arthbach
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    The mother has full custody - court ordered custody. By dumping the baby on the daddy, she was abandoning the child. As the matter was decided in court, she doesn't get to unilaterally decide to change the agreement.

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is the only thing I'd critise OP for: agreeing to 100% custody during divorce so divorce would happen faster. She knew she wouldn't be on maternity leave forever and she knew the baby would need attention while she'd be working.

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    tameson
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Texas has NOT passed a law making it illegal to travel out of state for an abortion. Even if they did, it would be found unconstitutional. Four Texas counties have laws allowing private citizens to sue someone who helps anyone travel out of state for an abortion but those laws are viewed as unconstitutional, even in Texas.

    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So she can sit in jail while the case makes it way to the Supreme Court in about 10 years, if she's lucky.

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    Babs McGurk
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Do everyone. a favor and give this baby up for adoption.

    Tamra
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did you read the part where she tried to do that, but couldn't because the "father" wouldn't give his permission?

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    The_Nicest_Misanthrope
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Christ, you all sound like selfish, spiteful little children yourselves. I feel so sorry for your kid.

    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Says the misanthrope. You sound like what you describe. Another POS.

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    Jo Firth
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    For once I agree with the YTAs and the ESHs. This poor child will never be loved the way it deserves. What a mess. Of course, the biggest mess is the anti-abortion laws in the US, but that's not the question here.

    Earonn -
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is the mother TA for not loving a child she was forced to bear? You get up, get out and then love the first stranger on the street. Come on, show us that it's easy. F**k, you twats and your motherhood lies that are only meant to force women into motherhood. Shame on you.

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    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    OP is a homeowner (probably no mortgage if inherited from grandparents) and has a job, she did not need her husband to take her to get an abortion, she could definitely travel on her own. If she didn't want to do that, she could put the baby up for adoption, and her husband could have either taken full custody or gone along. She wants us to feel she was very concerned about contraception, but didn't mail order plan b, didn't insist on condoms as a backup method, didn't say no vasectomy no s*x. So she was careful but not thorough, and then didn't pursue any post conception remedies like abortion or adoption. Husband sounds like an AH, but don't sleep with AHs. Now she's pretending it's ok to not have a custody agreement now that she's kept the child. On what planet is that the best thing for the child. It's just another thing in a pattern of recognizing the problem, being too lazy to address it and being angry it hasn't resolved. Hopefully the child can be adopted to a better home.

    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bullcrap. He threatened to tell on her if she got sn abortion. And it seams that she could not have put it up for adoption without his consent. Her financial situation has nothing to do with his decisions

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    Sea Squirrel
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Her ex definitely has to learn about adult responsibilities. But how is it possible that an independent woman (who owns a house, has a job and is able to fight for shared custody) blames her ex for not having that abortion? Despite knowing she shouldn't have a child, she didn't take the responsibility to find another way to get out of Texas. Poor baby!

    BlackestDawn
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If my info is correct the way the law is written in Texas it's still illegal to do it in another state, and since the BF knew it he could have easily reported it later on. So her options were effectively to keep the child or fully move to another state, the latter is a pretty big ask. I'm not sure she could've gotten that much better an outcome. It is an utterly s****y situation created by people who doesn't care about the actual outcomes as long as it looks like they get their way.

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    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    THIS is why woman need the right to abort!!! Exactly this! HE did not want an abortion! HE did not want to give it up for adoption! So, why does SHE have to live with it now, while he just lives his happy life as if nothing happened!? Good for her! She did exactly the right thing snd I think she should just leave the baby with him 100%, if she still does not really want it. Let him figure out what to do with HIS effing choices! Darn it

    Lola July
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This is why adoption would be ideal. No murdering an innocent child to solve their problems. She says " I haven't heard back from the attorney." Excuses for everything! Call again, call different attorneys. You can also contact CPS. IF He refuses responsibility and she's not bonding forcing him and his parents who don't want the baby is no way for this innocent child to be raised. They can go to court and have their parental rights severed. She can't force him to love his child, so yes he's an a$$ but so is she.

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    Nils Skirnir
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Folks that are beating up on OP perhaps aren’t from the US and don’t understand how draconian Texas is about abortion and abandonment. He state has prosecuted abortion providers out of state, prosecuted people for going out of state to get one, demanded records of women who they thought might be pregnant, prosecuted women for miscarriages, have rewards for turning in people who have abortions, allow lawsuits by anyone against an abortion seeker, prosecuted women for dropping an infant at hospitals, etc, etc. OP was right to be afraid.

    and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP stated that her ex threatened to report her if she sought abortion out of state, as well. I really think, for the sake of both OP and the child, she should contact a lawyer and figure out how to give the baby up for adoption.

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    Bonesko
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ESH, but mostly the lawmakers that allow this sort of sh*t to happen.

    SkyBlueandBlack
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Esh? She didn't have a choice. That's what living in Texas means.

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    Sue User
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To all those saying she could haave gotten an abortion. Did you not read the oart where she said he was going to turn her in ? In Texas, it is a criminal offense to go out of state to get an abortion. It is also a criminal offense to help someone get an abortion. She cannot give the child up fir adoption if the fatger says no. However, she still must raise the baby even if she wants adoption and he doesnt. Finalky, did you see the part where in order to get a faster divorce, she had to assume sole custody? No wonder lawyer hasnt called her back. Any law case will be a kosing battle as they paint the mother as a vile cresture for wabting to " abandon" the child so soon, and how it would be so hard for the man, but since she works from home, she is just being lazy and trying to get out if her duty ? This is the environment in areas of USA right now.

    tameson
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    tameson 1 minute ago Texas has NOT passed a law making it illegal to travel out of state for an abortion. Even if they did, it would be found unconstitutional. Four Texas counties have laws allowing private citizens to sue someone who helps anyone travel out of state for an abortion but those laws are viewed as unconstitutional, even in Texas.

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    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The YTAs are ignoring the fact OP had HG, same thing Princess Kate had with all 3 of her kids + was hospitalized for. So driving or flying to a different state for a termination was never doable for OP. I do not blame OP in the least for dropping off the baby at the AH-ex's work since he never made arrangements to see or care for the baby.

    SkyBlueandBlack
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And if she had driven or flown to another state for an abortion, she'd now be in prison.

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    Tamra
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm fairly shocked by the YTA and ESH votes here. This woman sounds like she explored all options, but was met with resistance and threats from the useless man who not only got her pregnant, but refuses to step up and actually try to be a decent parent. I feel she should have done more research about the legality of abortion out of the state of Texas, because she could have legally done that. However, as she said, she was struggling with hyperemesis during the pregnancy, and couldn't drive. It's just curious to me that everyone is dog-piling judgment on this woman who seemed to try everything within her power, and are conveniently ignoring the abjectly useless man who's apparently all but abandoned the child he fathered.

    and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Texas will prosecute you for doing that. Also, she said that her ex stated that he would report her for doing so.

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    Earonn -
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is a good mother who faces her feelings with honesty. Ex is one of the s****y forced breeders who are happy to force women to have babies but don't want any of the work that comes with bringing up a Human. They should be forced to adopt the babies they force to be born, but we can't that to the poor children. Hope OP finds a way out. I find it horrible that she should neither be able to give the child to the father or up for adoption. Reproductive slavery. Texas is such a s**t place.

    DC
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another proof that banning abortions does not help anybody but the self-righteous holier-than-thou christian theocrats that are destroying the US currently.

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did nobody read the "I love my baby" part???? Ok, they haven't really bonded. That happens. But she is trying her very best! Probably it would be the best to sue her ex to pay a huge amount of child support every month and then hire childcare from that money

    Dragons Exist
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems like all the YTAs are just blaming both of them and saying that they should just get over it because it "is UNFAIR to that sweet innocent boy" and "that baby deserves so much better", because they completely missed the point of the story

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's been said before, but so many people like to ignore this: she could NOT give the baby up for adoption without HIS consent which he REFUSED to give.

    Sparkle
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think in this whole situation the government is the a*s. That poor kid will know it's not loved. As for needing the ex husbands okay for adoption in my opinion once you're divorced since the courts the majority of the time give custody to the mother she shouldn't have to need his permission.

    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The government here is the people of Texas who voted for this. Unfortunately, many people who didn't vote against these people are being punished along with the forced-birthers. I hope to see a giant exodus of women from Texas. Maybe we can start an organization that helps women get out of Texas, or other women-enslaving states.

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    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So she should have gotten an abortion & risked being charged with murder or never go home? This is all about control, not babies, as we can see here. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    CP
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Christians who force their way of life on people are the biggest AHs! Along with Jessica Langmeyer. The lack of care you have for your fellow human is deplorable.

    BoredPangolin
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Despite how awful how it is for the baby, I'm glad a case like this happens and how it blows up on a man's lap. I HOPE women in her situation will take their case to lawyer and FORCE fathers to take care of the kid THEY produced. Not just money: actually parent. Abortion rights will be back within a year. 🤣

    Phil Green
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He was the one that insisted on a baby. This medieval attitude in some men disgusts me. I didn't want children, but my ex-wife (now) fell pregnant. I assume he's my son and I have treated him as mine, he has grown to be someone I am proud of, with a family of his own. I had a vasectomy as soon as I could, after the birth. Parenting is a shared responsibility. Equal for both man and woman. The husband is an idiot and the OP should have had full responsibility for her own body.

    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The anti-abortion people don't care about babies. They care about controlling women.

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    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I couldn't drive myself out of state for an abortion, I would've been on a bus. It's only going to get you arrested in Texas if you abort in Texas. In a state where it's legal, Texas can't do anything to you. Now she's trapped. Get a lawyer and force the 50/50 split, or force an adoption. If he doesn't want to care for the child, he'll sign. If he refuses, she can relinquish custody and force 100% on him while paying him child support. He'll sign or agree to custody

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Q: How do you feel about the woman dropping the baby off unannounced at her ex-husband's workplace? A: It depends on the height the baby was dropped from.

    Aurora
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why every single place that doesn't allow abortions is a complete shithole.

    Anna Drever
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The lawyer hasn’t gotten back to her??? Chase them up or get a better lawyer who WILL take your calls. Ffs.

    KatSaidThat
    Community Member
    1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did those YTA folk read the part abut it being illegal and him threatening her with going to jail? He forced her into this situation, now he can suffer the consequences. I feel for this child. I feel for her too as this is a terrible situation of his making.

    J R
    Community Member
    7 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The YTAs are insane. The woman lives in Texas, and the husband absolutely would have taken her to court if she'd crossed state lines for an abortion. Maybe the case would have gotten tossed out, or maybe not, but she would have been put through hell having to hire legal counsel and dealing with all the forced birthers who would harass her. This is one of the many reasons abortion needs to be legal and easily accessible.

    Key Lime
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a little like the guy who forced his girlfriend into having his baby. She gave up all her rights and pays child support but this guy went to the internet to ask how he could get her to raise this baby because it was a lot of work.

    weatherwitch
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That poor poor woman. And the Despicable misogyny of Texas. Her husband is A PATHETIC piece of manhood and should not be the father either. She should go to the courts, report how she was blocked and how he's thinking of being an occasional weekend dad, you know when he's ready in Never years time. Have the little one adopted. She didn't want to be a mother and he wanted to be a Man (father) in verility terms not as a parent. I Hate those people going after her. She's been Forced in her own Country (America the free 🤮) into parenthood, was too poorly to both get away and too Terrified of Prison to get one. As well as this lady there's poor Adriana brain dead, forced by government to be kept alive because the fetus was nine weeks old at her death. Her Family are forced to pay medical bills for a mother who is brain dead and a baby that won't make it. As I understand it now the deceased mother has a baby of 21 weeks gestation. Her five years old son thinks mummy is coming back 😢

    Stephan Reyes
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Tonyah Mcanelly
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OF all people involved I feel bad for the baby with parents like this I cant imagine what this childs life is going to be like. Regardless of the circusmstance these people need to figure it out fast and get it together there is an innocent child . involved. If neither of you want this child and it seems like you do. Give it up for adoption hopefully it will go to a loving family who cant have children that want children and give this kid a fair shot in life .

    Schnitzel
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is such a mess! Hope the kid turns out ok!

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just to clarify Texan law: as May 2025: you can surrender a child to a safe baby place if the infant is 60 days or younger, with no legal repercussions. Texas law does not prevent or prosecute people from travelling out of state for an abortion. If OP had spoken to a doctor about this, contacted an advocacy group, Googled, she would have known this. this is rage bait and it's working. If anyone has an unwanted pregnancy in Texas, there are still options.

    Sera
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She doesn’t want to give the baby up. You keep talking about the safe haven laws like that is what she should be doing instead of addressing the fact that a man who coerced her into giving birth is refusing to take responsibility for the child he created.

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    Tyranamar
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love her comments that she’s called one lawyer but he hasn’t called her back. Umm…what about calling more lawyers? Get one that will call you back. She’s being just as lame about doing what needs done now as she was about getting the abortion in the first place. Sometimes, you have to put in some effort if you don’t want your life to be a c**p show.

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So, how often were you a single mother, barely out of childbed, having rocked through a speed divorce, working fulltime WHILST "putting in some effort"?????

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    Sara Frazer
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    You were afraid of going to jail but now that poor child has to exist and go through life with parents who don't love or want him. Sad.

    Taylor's Ferry
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    It's fake. InTexas, there is a 60-day waiting period for divorce, so the fastest a divorce can be finalized is 61 days. However, most cases take several months to a year, especially if there are children involved. For a couple with an infant to file for divorce in the US it takes longer than a few months.

    Sera
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It literally says two months my dude. That is approximately 60 days. Just because “most” cases take longer doesn’t mean they can’t be that short.

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    G A
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited)

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    This is pro-choice ragebait. I don't believe a word of it. I'm pro choice and from the UK and male so don't directly have a dog in this fight but this reads like box ticking fiction especially with the pathetic excuses for not terminating the fake pregnancy. Rubbish.

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a fellow European I understand that it can be difficult to understand but OP had a condition during her pregnancy that most women are hospitalized for, there's no way she could have gotten herself anywhere, and her now ex husband threatened to report her to Texas law enforcement if she did have an abortion, meaning that if she left and ever returned she would be arrested and jailed. The US is just so much more f*cked up than what you'd expect right now

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    arthbach
    Community Member
    9 months ago

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    The mother has full custody - court ordered custody. By dumping the baby on the daddy, she was abandoning the child. As the matter was decided in court, she doesn't get to unilaterally decide to change the agreement.

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is the only thing I'd critise OP for: agreeing to 100% custody during divorce so divorce would happen faster. She knew she wouldn't be on maternity leave forever and she knew the baby would need attention while she'd be working.

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    tameson
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited)

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    Texas has NOT passed a law making it illegal to travel out of state for an abortion. Even if they did, it would be found unconstitutional. Four Texas counties have laws allowing private citizens to sue someone who helps anyone travel out of state for an abortion but those laws are viewed as unconstitutional, even in Texas.

    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So she can sit in jail while the case makes it way to the Supreme Court in about 10 years, if she's lucky.

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    Babs McGurk
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Do everyone. a favor and give this baby up for adoption.

    Tamra
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did you read the part where she tried to do that, but couldn't because the "father" wouldn't give his permission?

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    The_Nicest_Misanthrope
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Christ, you all sound like selfish, spiteful little children yourselves. I feel so sorry for your kid.

    Sue
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Says the misanthrope. You sound like what you describe. Another POS.

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    Jo Firth
    Community Member
    9 months ago

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    For once I agree with the YTAs and the ESHs. This poor child will never be loved the way it deserves. What a mess. Of course, the biggest mess is the anti-abortion laws in the US, but that's not the question here.

    Earonn -
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is the mother TA for not loving a child she was forced to bear? You get up, get out and then love the first stranger on the street. Come on, show us that it's easy. F**k, you twats and your motherhood lies that are only meant to force women into motherhood. Shame on you.

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    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago

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    OP is a homeowner (probably no mortgage if inherited from grandparents) and has a job, she did not need her husband to take her to get an abortion, she could definitely travel on her own. If she didn't want to do that, she could put the baby up for adoption, and her husband could have either taken full custody or gone along. She wants us to feel she was very concerned about contraception, but didn't mail order plan b, didn't insist on condoms as a backup method, didn't say no vasectomy no s*x. So she was careful but not thorough, and then didn't pursue any post conception remedies like abortion or adoption. Husband sounds like an AH, but don't sleep with AHs. Now she's pretending it's ok to not have a custody agreement now that she's kept the child. On what planet is that the best thing for the child. It's just another thing in a pattern of recognizing the problem, being too lazy to address it and being angry it hasn't resolved. Hopefully the child can be adopted to a better home.

    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bullcrap. He threatened to tell on her if she got sn abortion. And it seams that she could not have put it up for adoption without his consent. Her financial situation has nothing to do with his decisions

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    Sea Squirrel
    Community Member
    9 months ago

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    Her ex definitely has to learn about adult responsibilities. But how is it possible that an independent woman (who owns a house, has a job and is able to fight for shared custody) blames her ex for not having that abortion? Despite knowing she shouldn't have a child, she didn't take the responsibility to find another way to get out of Texas. Poor baby!

    BlackestDawn
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If my info is correct the way the law is written in Texas it's still illegal to do it in another state, and since the BF knew it he could have easily reported it later on. So her options were effectively to keep the child or fully move to another state, the latter is a pretty big ask. I'm not sure she could've gotten that much better an outcome. It is an utterly s****y situation created by people who doesn't care about the actual outcomes as long as it looks like they get their way.

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