“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Giving My Stepmom The Experience Of Being A Girl Mom?”

If your parents are divorced and your father gets remarried, there are various possible scenarios for interacting with your stepmother, with the worst-case scenario, unfortunately, being the most common. But if your stepmother is quite friendly, is that really such a good thing?

For the user u/Free_Cut_4713, the narrator of our story today, the answer is quite obvious. She’s always been her momma’s girl, and despite all her stepmom’s attempts to become besties, she’s always rejected them. Well, let’s just cut to the chase and continue reading.

More info: Reddit

Getting along well with your stepmom is definitely important when you live in a blended family, but sometimes the stepmom could be overly friendly

Woman obsessed with being bonus mom looks crushed as stepdaughter expresses frustration during a tense conversation at home.

Image credits: vh-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The author of the post is 16 years old. Her parents divorced about a decade ago and then her dad remarried another lady

Text excerpt about a teen with divorced parents and stepmom, highlighting issues with being a bonus mom role.

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Text excerpt showing a woman’s feelings about being a bonus mom and her stepdaughter’s reaction to the mom role.

Text excerpt showing a stepdaughter explaining her close bond with her mom and not accepting a bonus mom role.

Image credits: Free_Cut_4713

Teen stepdaughter sitting on couch looking upset while talking to woman, highlighting bonus mom role challenges.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

So, the author has 5 siblings now, all of whom are actually male – she’s the only girl among the kids

ALT text: Woman obsessed with being a bonus mom expresses frustration as stepdaughter says the mom role is already taken.

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Text excerpt about a woman obsessed with being a bonus mom coping with her stepdaughter rejecting the mom role.

Image credits: Free_Cut_4713

Woman and stepdaughter having a heartfelt conversation over coffee, reflecting on the bonus mom and mom roles.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The stepmom does her best to become a “bonus mom” for the author, but gets constantly rejected by her

Alt text: Text excerpt about a woman struggling with relationship challenges as a bonus mom feeling rejected by her stepdaughter.

Text excerpt discussing a woman obsessed with being a bonus mom and stepdaughter rejecting the mom role.

Text message discussing a woman obsessed with being a bonus mom and the stepdaughter feeling the mom role is taken.

Image credits: Free_Cut_4713

The teen told them the same recently, claiming that she has her bio mom and doesn’t need anyone else – and she took heat from her dad and stepmom for this

The Original poster (OP) is 16 years old now, with two older brothers, an older stepbro, and two younger half-brothers. The thing is, about a decade ago, the author’s parents divorced, and then her dad remarried. The OP’s parents share custody, so she spends a week with each of them.

Our heroine has a good relationship with her stepmother, and she seems like a nice lady herself, but she’s too eager to be more than just a stepmom to the OP… She constantly tries to arrange some “mom-daughter time” for them, inviting her to various joint activities – and overall seems overly pushy, in the author’s own words.

The most interesting thing is that the stepmom doesn’t show the same activity and interest in the author’s older brothers. This is likely because all her children are boys, and she’d like to have a daughter too. That’s exactly what she once told the author when she challenged her to be frank, calling herself “a bonus mom” for her.

But our heroine doesn’t want to have any extra moms except her own bio mom! Especially since they have a great bond and she’s always been a “momma’s girl.” That’s exactly what the original poster told her stepmom. The woman, of course, was upset, and later, she and the father accused the author of being cruel. The OP, however, believes she’s simply defending her boundaries and nothing more.

Woman obsessed with being a bonus mom feeling crushed sitting on bed holding a phone with a worried expression.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

On the one hand, in a stepmother-stepdaughter relationship, it’s better to have to deal with a stepmom, like the one described here, than a “classic evil stepmom,” and that’s perfectly reasonable. On the other hand, who really needs an additional mother if there’s a real mom with whom the child spends half their time?

Of course, a loving stepmother is important for every child in a blended family and is the key to proper raising, as this article at Step Family Solutions reasonably notes. In other words, if a bio mother’s love is unconditional, then the stepmom’s love is chosen. “She willingly chooses a backstage role, always second to Mom, because she loves the child so much,” the article claims.

In fact, the very term “bonus mom” is also often used in everyday life – for example, in this dedicated episode of the Family Life podcast. Moreover, many stepdaughters who get along well with stepmoms also use this term. However, in the case we’ve described, the stepmom, apparently, was simply trying to realize her dream of being a girl’s mom, without paying much attention to her other stepchildren.

This fact was also noted by people in the comments on the original post, who rightly pointed out that it’s never right to force your love and project your attitude onto another person. “You are a person and not an experience for your stepmom to project onto,” someone wrote quite wisely. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this viewpoint?

Most commenters backed the original poster, claiming that her stepmom perhaps just tried to project her dreams of being a girl mom onto herself

Text conversation about a woman obsessed with being a bonus mom, feeling crushed as stepdaughter claims the mom role is taken.

Reddit thread discussing a woman obsessed with being a bonus mom facing rejection from her stepdaughter.

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Comment on a forum discussing a woman obsessed with being a bonus mom and the stepdaughter asserting the mom role is already taken.

Alt text: A Reddit user shares perspective as both stepchild and stepmother on the challenges of being a bonus mom and family dynamics.

Screenshot of a comment discussing a woman obsessed with being a bonus mom facing challenges with her stepdaughter.

Comment discussing a woman obsessed with being a bonus mom who faces rejection from her stepdaughter over the mom role.

Comment on a forum sharing views about boundaries and roles in a woman obsessed with being a bonus mom situation.

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