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52
“My Sister Called Me ‘Too Depressed To Babysit,’ So I Showed Her What That Really Meant”
Family is where we expect unconditional support, but sometimes, it’s where disagreements cut the deepest.
On the subreddit r/TwoHotTakes, a woman who goes by the nickname VeterinarianOk7010 shared how her sister, a mother of three, often counted on her for help with childcare. She always said yes, until one night, her mental health struggles became too overwhelming and she needed to rest.
However, the sister was anything but understanding.
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This woman has been through so much with her depression
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
But her sister still doesn’t believe she deserves a break
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: VeterinarianOk7010
How many people have depression and how does it manifest?
Image credits:Daniel Martinez/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It sounds like the sister isn’t very familiar with the affects of poor mental health. But the truth is, it takes a toll on our entire well-being, including the ability to work, and our relationships with friends, family, and the broader community.
Mental health conditions are not uncommon. Hundreds of millions suffer from them yearly, and many more do over the entire course of their lives. It’s estimated that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men will experience major depression at some point. Other conditions, such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, are less common but still have a large impact on people’s lives.
During depressive episodes, various symptoms occur most of the day, nearly every day, and may include:
- Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
- Angry outbursts, irritability, or frustration, even over small matters
- Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies, or sports
- Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
- Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
- Reduced appetite and weight loss, or increased cravings for food and weight gain
- Anxiety, agitation, or restlessness
- Slowed thinking, speaking, or body movements
- Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
- Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions, and remembering things
- Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, or suicide
- Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
Can you imagine babysitting three (!) kids even with only a few of these?
Words do make a difference
Image credits: Nini FromParis/Unsplash (not he actual photo)
If someone in our family has depression, there are also things that we can do to help that person. Although you can’t “fix” them, even words can have an impact. According to experts, saying these things might help:
- “You’re not alone. I’m here for you during this tough time.”
- “It may be hard to believe right now, but the way you’re feeling will change.”
- “Please tell me what I can do now to help you.”
- “Even if I’m not able to understand exactly how you feel, I care about you and want to help.”
- “You’re important to me. Your life is important to me.”
- “When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold on for just one more day, hour, or minute—whatever you can manage.”
On the other hand, phrases like these only make the situation worse:
- “This is all in your head”
- “Everyone goes through tough times.”
- “Try to look on the bright side.”
- “Why do you want to die when you have so much to live for?”
- “I can’t do anything about your situation.”
- “Just snap out of it.”
- “You should be feeling better by now.”
I think we can agree the sister’s message belongs on the second list, too.
People shared a lot of reactions to the woman’s story
Some also added their own similar experiences
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What do you think ?
Royal Stray 6 months ago
The issue with people accepting mental health issues today is that it's very surface level acceptance. People know that it's something that happens, that it doesn't make you better or worse or less intelligent. But due to so many people getting diagnosed with for example depression, and it excising in so many different degrees very few people actually take the time to try to understand or learn what these conditions can mean, and how they impact people's lives. It's easy to accept depression, or know someone with mild depression and cater to that. But it's a completely different thing for people with severe depression, or anxiety, or whatever really.
R Dennis 6 months ago
I feel sad for people with horrible family members. Mine aren't perfect, but we don't try to hurt each other...
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
Sister can foxtrot into the sunset - hope OP never babysits for her again.
Beak Hookage 6 months ago
Yet another selfish POS who thinks "depression" just means someone being melodramatically sad and lazy. I hope that binder hit her like a kick to the head. If THAT didn't work then it's time to tell her to go pound sand.
Sian E 6 months ago
I'm the one with ongoing mental ill health in my family and for years my sister just could not understand why I was in and out of hospital, constantly, why I 'needed all the attention', why I was doing what I did 'for the attention'... and then in 2019 she suffered her own breakdown, made an attempt on her life and ended up in hospital. She gets it now. She actually said that she realised I wasn't doing it for attention. Her pain was very real. I could have said 'I told you so', but honestly my heart was breaking for her. I wish she hadn't had to experience it in the way she did. Thankfully we're both in better places these days. I have had a tough last few years, but am getting there, she is back to being the sister I know and love albeit with a better understanding of mental health.
ANGEL M 6 months ago
I remember when I was diagnosed with depression years ago, my siblings response wad "What you got to be depressed about?" Because after all I was the one that held it all together, didn't tell them any of my problems as their issues were more in your face obvious. I in no way wish I had any of their issues but too once in a while having "how are?," is always appreciated
Schmebulock 6 months ago
If you have the kids they are your responsibility, not your families.
Isolde Leeuwen 6 months ago
I can sympathise with the lack of understanding of the sister as depression is such a deeply personal struggle. It can also force a person to be very self-centred or even selfish. However OP shows a clear understanding of her responsability as caretaker of her sisters children. She should be commended for that insight when she is in such pain. The sister is probably uncomfortable with this boundary from OP and does not know how to react.
Kate Johnson 6 months ago
That would be the very last time I ever babysat for her if I even spoke to her again. She's clearly delusionally entitled.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 6 months ago
All those parents who say their kids are their world are always so eager to hand them off every chance they get.
M Whee 5 months ago
As a mom, it's not very smart to only have one or two childcare options. I try to keep a network if friends with their own kids that I feel comfortable with my kids being in their homes and we swap babysitting. I've been lucky that it's been pretty fair back and forth. People get sick or busy or move and not having options causes problems.
Robert Beveridge 6 months ago
Just follow Batman's guidelines... nononononononononononononononono CONTAAAAAAAAAAACT!
Royal Stray 6 months ago
The issue with people accepting mental health issues today is that it's very surface level acceptance. People know that it's something that happens, that it doesn't make you better or worse or less intelligent. But due to so many people getting diagnosed with for example depression, and it excising in so many different degrees very few people actually take the time to try to understand or learn what these conditions can mean, and how they impact people's lives. It's easy to accept depression, or know someone with mild depression and cater to that. But it's a completely different thing for people with severe depression, or anxiety, or whatever really.
R Dennis 6 months ago
I feel sad for people with horrible family members. Mine aren't perfect, but we don't try to hurt each other...
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
Sister can foxtrot into the sunset - hope OP never babysits for her again.
Beak Hookage 6 months ago
Yet another selfish POS who thinks "depression" just means someone being melodramatically sad and lazy. I hope that binder hit her like a kick to the head. If THAT didn't work then it's time to tell her to go pound sand.
Sian E 6 months ago
I'm the one with ongoing mental ill health in my family and for years my sister just could not understand why I was in and out of hospital, constantly, why I 'needed all the attention', why I was doing what I did 'for the attention'... and then in 2019 she suffered her own breakdown, made an attempt on her life and ended up in hospital. She gets it now. She actually said that she realised I wasn't doing it for attention. Her pain was very real. I could have said 'I told you so', but honestly my heart was breaking for her. I wish she hadn't had to experience it in the way she did. Thankfully we're both in better places these days. I have had a tough last few years, but am getting there, she is back to being the sister I know and love albeit with a better understanding of mental health.
ANGEL M 6 months ago
I remember when I was diagnosed with depression years ago, my siblings response wad "What you got to be depressed about?" Because after all I was the one that held it all together, didn't tell them any of my problems as their issues were more in your face obvious. I in no way wish I had any of their issues but too once in a while having "how are?," is always appreciated
Schmebulock 6 months ago
If you have the kids they are your responsibility, not your families.
Isolde Leeuwen 6 months ago
I can sympathise with the lack of understanding of the sister as depression is such a deeply personal struggle. It can also force a person to be very self-centred or even selfish. However OP shows a clear understanding of her responsability as caretaker of her sisters children. She should be commended for that insight when she is in such pain. The sister is probably uncomfortable with this boundary from OP and does not know how to react.
Kate Johnson 6 months ago
That would be the very last time I ever babysat for her if I even spoke to her again. She's clearly delusionally entitled.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 6 months ago
All those parents who say their kids are their world are always so eager to hand them off every chance they get.
M Whee 5 months ago
As a mom, it's not very smart to only have one or two childcare options. I try to keep a network if friends with their own kids that I feel comfortable with my kids being in their homes and we swap babysitting. I've been lucky that it's been pretty fair back and forth. People get sick or busy or move and not having options causes problems.
Robert Beveridge 6 months ago
Just follow Batman's guidelines... nononononononononononononononono CONTAAAAAAAAAAACT!
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