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Guy Says He’s Done With Daughter’s Accusations, Folks Shocked By His Attitude As She Goes No-Contact
Author Rick Riordan once wrote, “You can’t give up on family, no matter how tempting they make it.” While that might be true, it is also true that it’s difficult not to fight with the people that you share a roof with. After all, that’s what family is all about, right?
Well, even Reddit user Lazy_Growth_5898 got a bitter taste of such a conflict when his 19-year-old daughter made some unexpected accusations against him. The guy is super hurt by what she said, but his extreme reaction caught netizens off guard. Read on to know what he actually said!
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Family and conflict are almost like synonyms because of how often we fight with our people
Image credits: Morgan Vander Hart / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster, a dad of 2, was pretty shocked when his 19-year-old daughter sent him an accusatory text calling him all sorts of things
Image credits: Lazy_Growth_5898
Image credits: Dillon Wanner / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She even called him the cause of all her issues and said that she was a victim of generational trauma because of him
Image credits: Lazy_Growth_5898
Image credits: Sinitta Leunen / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Things further escalated when she blocked him, and now she even refuses to acknowledge him when he’s in the same room
Image credits: Lazy_Growth_5898
He is very confused and hurt, but also so angry that he refuses to apologize and even curses her
Today’s story truly set the internet thinking after it went viral, as the original poster (OP) narrated about the conflict he got into with his 19-year-old daughter. One fine day, the dad got a text from her, and she accused him of a lot of things. From pointing out all his flaws to even belittling him, she just let it all out, which totally shattered him, as he feels that it’s not fair.
He tried to justify himself when she called him lazy and uninvolved, as he believes that it’s just not true. Apparently, he works two jobs, which tire him out, and as for “uninvolved,” he stressed that he has been present at every important event in his daughters’ lives. The man also claimed that he has always prioritized his kid, but she would never do that if it were the other way around.
Moreover, she also called him out for other things, like not cleaning up after himself, but letting his wife do it, not being smart enough, and not voting for the right person either. To be honest, I feel like there’s a lot more that the girl wants to say because it practically screams that she cares about him, but his behavior just bugs her a lot.
Her dad, on the other hand, just couldn’t understand all this and only replied with “acknowledged”, which just worsened things. She blamed him for passing on generational trauma to her, and even said that she won’t let him near her kids in the future. She also demanded an apology from him, blocked him when he refused, and now, she’s ignoring him.
Image credits: kevin laminto / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Well, he is super angry about it all, and straight out refused to apologize. However, he was not ready for what netizens had to say, as many of them lashed out at him for cursing her. They felt that his reaction was a dead giveaway to why she said what she said. Folks argued that generational trauma is quite serious, and she wouldn’t just throw the term in his face, would she?
Some said that while he was physically present for her, it might appear that he was emotionally absent, and experts say that this can be quite damaging. However, what truly alarmed quite a few folks was the way he reacted when she asked for an apology. They said that listing everything he does for her is the bare minimum that all parents are supposed to do for their kids.
People also pointed out that in any fractured parent-child relationship, it’s the parents who should step up. Considering that they are adults who have much more experience with life than their children, it makes sense, doesn’t it? Netizens also highlighted that it is only because she cares about him so much that she expects these things from him, and he should think about that.
Many folks also advised that instead of going on the defensive, he should actually sit down and have a conversation with her. After all, we all know that effective communication is essential for staying connected in any relationship. Don’t you agree? If you were in his shoes, what would you do? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
Netizens gave him a reality check that it’s always the adults who are responsible for their children’s actions, while some said he needed therapy
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What do you think ?
David Andrews 4 months ago
I don't get the replies saying that he is the ahole because he doesn't want to apologise, and wrote he feels she can f*ck off. 19 is not a child, she is an adult and decided to lay into him and verbally attack him, he has every right to be pissed off. You can love your child, but be angry and hurt from them at the same time
Anthony Elmore 4 months ago
I'll tell you exactly what happened. Dad voted for Trump. He mentions it as such a little detail, about voting for the wrong guy, but it was probably less of a little detail to the daughter. I can't be entirely sure, obviously, since I don't even know what country they're in. Still, that little detail stands out to me because that's actually kind of a thing over here at the moment. People can shrug off voting for him once, but it's the second time that breaks any form of pedestal you had placed that person on, especially considering the problems we're now going through because of it. LOT of people decided to go no-contact over it because they couldn't reconcile how they once viewed their family to how they now view their family. It ENTIRELY changes how you view said family member and is likely responsible for why a lot of her complaints seem (and in fairness, likely are) unreasonable. I highly suspect daughter is being less than direct with her actual problem.
Load More Replies...
Uncle Panda 4 months ago
Quit paying for stuff until she heals the breach she created. She's 19 and already no contact, so your side is easy. "My generational trauma was that I had to work to support myself. Have fun with that."
tori Ohno 4 months ago
She can get the eff out of the house. From what he wrote, she still lives there. Turn the phone off, tell her to get a job to pay for her own, stop fixing the car, and only pay for the rest of the school year. She can take out a loan for the rest. No, I'm not cosigning. Wanting to talk about why you're upset is allowed, but not a full on a*****e, insulting attack. It's pretty pathetic that she insulted his weight. The petty little brat can find her own way in life.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 4 months ago
There's no way we have enough info to know who is the AH. Except for voting and cleanliness, no specifics were even alluded to. Generational trauma is vague, and can mean a lot of things. Usually that she's acknowledged that Dad had a difficult childhood too, but with no information, very hard to take a side.
Uncle Panda 4 months ago (edited)
In my experience, "Generational trauma" used casually means "I want stuff but I don't want to work or think too hard." The phrase has legitimate use and is a fairly new and interesting field of study, including possible stress effects being inherited for a few generations. I think they were using midden heaps in Nordic or Scandinavian lakes.
Load More Replies...
arthbach 4 months ago
There is only one thing that matters, a child is telling their daddy that he is, and has hurt them. If daddy doesn't do something about it, he will lose his child. And to those who are saying '19 is not a child', developmentally, yes, a 19 year old is still a child. However, that doesn't really matter as at this age they do not have an adult/adult relationship. It is still most definitely a child/adult one. There are few people who enter into a fully adult/adult relationship. We can be adulting away quite the thing, but when confronted with a problem with parents, we revert back into a child/adult relationship.
Dragons Exist 4 months ago
I'm betting that him sarcastically saying he voted for the "wrong person" means he voted for Trump, in which case the daughter's response is valid (there's unfortunately a lot of MAGAt stuff right now, I saw a mega-church yesterday with 5 identical Trump flags on it in a row)
JayWantsACat 4 months ago
My father was similar, but worse, in a lot of ways. He's always been a hard worker and has sucked up his pride to help provide for the family. I will always be thankful for that. But he also thought that meant he could check out of most other family responsibilities. I didn't have to work during high school and really didn't have to worry because he did his part. But I needed a father that was more than that. Everything was on his terms. I tried to talk to him at dinner but barely got acknowledged because whatever was on TV was apparently more important. He barely took an interest in anything I did aside from my grades and helping out the band with travel stuff (which I appreciate). But that's it. And then he would get upset and wonder why I didn't want to go the store with him or do anything he wanted to do. We haven't talked in over 10 years since he had me come visit him in our hometown but kicked me out and literally left me on the curb when we inevitably had an argument.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 4 months ago (edited)
I know that she's hurting, and believe me that I sympathise with people who choose to go NC, ... BUT no contact is exactly that, not "except for with your money". Li'l. Missy needs to feed herself independently before throwing this hissy fit and blocking.
Julia H 4 months ago
I think someone is putting toxic thoughts in her head that she totally bought in to. On that note though, it took a road trip for my kid to tell me what she needed when sh it happened. Before that I thought I was doing enough. What she needed was for someone (me) to acknowledge what happened and allow her time to adjust. Fair enough, I can do that. I think sometimes ppl first have to figure out what they need before they can express it properly.
Load More Replies...
Doodles1983 4 months ago
This guy was there for her more than my dad was for me. He was a hgv driver and yes monetarily supported me via my mum til they divorced. Then £20 a week (in the 90s til 2001) via child maintenance. Which was sod all. In my whole life. 1 school play. When my sister moved in with him full time, she kicked me out of the shared bedroom. He didn't even stop her. The first time I recall him saying "I love you"? I was 29 and mum had just died. He's not a particularly intelligent person, he has simple pleasures and he can't deal with emotions. I'm now 40. He's 76. He is who he is. I accepted it a long time ago. But this dad? He sounds like he provided. Mostly monetary, but he also mentions events. And carrying her to age 7. Loving her. And she's hurling this at him at 19, blocking him. Ignoring him in his own home. Still "taking" from him. But not prepared to try and work through it but throw tantrums. I understand his frustration at the end. Love unconditional is a toxic concept.
Tabitha 4 months ago (edited)
Two things: 1) Just paying the bills isn’t raising and interacting with your child—-divorced fathers who don’t have custody are generally just a support check in the mail, so this isn’t genuine parenthood. 2) OP’s FIRST reaction should’ve been, “Was it something I said or did, or didn’t say or do?”, followed by asking his daughter to sit down with him, have a real soul-searching talk, and figure out what the issue actually is. It should NOT be that she’s an ungrateful little b***h so she can go f**k herself. There’s always a load of context to every conflict, and more importantly, a load of fault on both sides. Though there are some terrible people in the world, the majority of us are not perfect angels or evil devils. We’re human, we have feet of clay, and sometimes we stumble and f**k up for various reasons, usually not knowing any better. But if we can be brutally honest with ourselves and realize that we had a hand in the conflict, then sit down and have a CALM talk—-no arguing, no deaf ears and doubling down, no resorting to insults and incriminations, no going in convinced you are the only one who’s right, but a willingness to try pull listen and actually hear and lend credence to both sides—-with the other(s) involved, it is amazing how we can work it out, come to a realization and understanding of our own part in the issue, adjust our behavior and attitude, repair the breaks in the relationship, and move on with our now happier and more harmonious lives.
roddy 4 months ago
She's a kid and going through the time frame in which she knows best about everything and adults all suck. Kids are very selfish when they are finding themselves. Nothing new there, and she'll see things differently when she grows up and finds out that being an adult isn't as easy and clear-cut as she thought. If she's at all intelligent, she'll look back at her childhood and realize that you loved her, kept her safe, and tried to be there for her.
Nils Skirnir 4 months ago
Two or three opinions here. One is, is the wife SAHM? If she is and physically and mentally able, she should get a job and OP should quit his second job. Second is that these folks should have talked about it face to face. Gen Z has got all it know about life from social media. Even the terms self-care, generational trauma, etc are sns buzzwords. Third is that he should start to exercise in his new free time from quitting his second job and do more housework. Use this time for family counseling
tori Ohno 4 months ago
I've heard of a lot of younger people striking out like this. They refuse to take responsibility for themselves by deflecting it onto the parents. No parent is perfect, but once you hit a certain age, it's not their fault, it's your fault for not getting the help you may need. If she's so miserable she can leave. My father would have kicked me out of I'd attacked him like that. Her insults and hatred are completely out of line. If she's hurting she needs to talk about it, not tell her father what a fat, worthless, loser of a disappointment he is. I wonder if her mean streak is new, or has she always been nasty? His anger towards her attack makes me think that maybe the answer is yes, and he's had enough. She's also at that age where schizophrenia will start manifesting. Her memories may not actually be real.
Queenie B 4 months ago
Our youth have some funny ideas. There are so many folks out there on social media telling them how to feel and how to think. My son has gone down the same path as your daughter. The stories he tells are horrifying. We had a happy home, happy family. They were around grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. Could I have been a better mother? Sure, we all make mistakes. But I provided a roof, a bed, and food. More than that I provided love and safety. My children never had to ask if they were loved. I have 2 sons and the other son (twins) get so angry with his brother for this attitude. Much like the OP, I have distanced my self from my son. I don't engage when he starts accusing and doing the poor me c**p. I love my sons and would do almost anything for them but I am done being a whipping post for my sons issues. I did the best I could which was pretty d**n great as a single parent!
Daniel Raymond 2 months ago
Seems like an ungrateful entitled daughter. Boo fricking hoo, she doesn't like some things? Not a***e, not neglected, not ridiculed, roof over her head, food, car, insurance. Aww, poor girl. He loved her and was there for her for her entire life to this point. What a piece of s**t daughter. I would do the same, disconnect, stop paying for her ungrateful life and try to appreciate the life around me that appreciates me. Namely my other daughter and my wife.
Greg Fraser 3 months ago
I think the key could be the he is NC with his parents but his daughter is not. What have they been telling her? Sounds like he's provided her everything, even maybe spoiled her. As to the voting, maybe the daughter is MAGA. Doesn't have to be him.
LamarrKee 3 months ago
Quit paying for her phone, etc- she wants to cut you off, make her live it all the way. Maybe once she Loses your hitherto-always-there support, she'll smarten up and try to earn it back. . Till then, NTA- stick to your guns, and don't kowtow to the entitled little so-and-so.
KatSaidWhat 4 months ago
Ok, if you cut me off, I'm cutting you off. Phone, car, insurance etc. Get to the bottom of this sudden change in attitude because someone else is behind it.
Kate Johnson 4 months ago
IMO he should cut her off entirely financially. Quit paying for everything and let her sink or swim on her own. No more free rides for the unappreciative. Let her live poor and on her own labor and see what happens.
Upstaged75 4 months ago
If that's how she feels she needs to move out and support her own d**n self. Stop paying for anything. She sounds like an entitled b***h.
David Andrews 4 months ago
I don't get the replies saying that he is the ahole because he doesn't want to apologise, and wrote he feels she can f*ck off. 19 is not a child, she is an adult and decided to lay into him and verbally attack him, he has every right to be pissed off. You can love your child, but be angry and hurt from them at the same time
Anthony Elmore 4 months ago
I'll tell you exactly what happened. Dad voted for Trump. He mentions it as such a little detail, about voting for the wrong guy, but it was probably less of a little detail to the daughter. I can't be entirely sure, obviously, since I don't even know what country they're in. Still, that little detail stands out to me because that's actually kind of a thing over here at the moment. People can shrug off voting for him once, but it's the second time that breaks any form of pedestal you had placed that person on, especially considering the problems we're now going through because of it. LOT of people decided to go no-contact over it because they couldn't reconcile how they once viewed their family to how they now view their family. It ENTIRELY changes how you view said family member and is likely responsible for why a lot of her complaints seem (and in fairness, likely are) unreasonable. I highly suspect daughter is being less than direct with her actual problem.
Load More Replies... Uncle Panda 4 months ago
Quit paying for stuff until she heals the breach she created. She's 19 and already no contact, so your side is easy. "My generational trauma was that I had to work to support myself. Have fun with that."
tori Ohno 4 months ago
She can get the eff out of the house. From what he wrote, she still lives there. Turn the phone off, tell her to get a job to pay for her own, stop fixing the car, and only pay for the rest of the school year. She can take out a loan for the rest. No, I'm not cosigning. Wanting to talk about why you're upset is allowed, but not a full on a*****e, insulting attack. It's pretty pathetic that she insulted his weight. The petty little brat can find her own way in life.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 4 months ago
There's no way we have enough info to know who is the AH. Except for voting and cleanliness, no specifics were even alluded to. Generational trauma is vague, and can mean a lot of things. Usually that she's acknowledged that Dad had a difficult childhood too, but with no information, very hard to take a side.
Uncle Panda 4 months ago (edited)
In my experience, "Generational trauma" used casually means "I want stuff but I don't want to work or think too hard." The phrase has legitimate use and is a fairly new and interesting field of study, including possible stress effects being inherited for a few generations. I think they were using midden heaps in Nordic or Scandinavian lakes.
Load More Replies... arthbach 4 months ago
There is only one thing that matters, a child is telling their daddy that he is, and has hurt them. If daddy doesn't do something about it, he will lose his child. And to those who are saying '19 is not a child', developmentally, yes, a 19 year old is still a child. However, that doesn't really matter as at this age they do not have an adult/adult relationship. It is still most definitely a child/adult one. There are few people who enter into a fully adult/adult relationship. We can be adulting away quite the thing, but when confronted with a problem with parents, we revert back into a child/adult relationship.
Dragons Exist 4 months ago
I'm betting that him sarcastically saying he voted for the "wrong person" means he voted for Trump, in which case the daughter's response is valid (there's unfortunately a lot of MAGAt stuff right now, I saw a mega-church yesterday with 5 identical Trump flags on it in a row)
JayWantsACat 4 months ago
My father was similar, but worse, in a lot of ways. He's always been a hard worker and has sucked up his pride to help provide for the family. I will always be thankful for that. But he also thought that meant he could check out of most other family responsibilities. I didn't have to work during high school and really didn't have to worry because he did his part. But I needed a father that was more than that. Everything was on his terms. I tried to talk to him at dinner but barely got acknowledged because whatever was on TV was apparently more important. He barely took an interest in anything I did aside from my grades and helping out the band with travel stuff (which I appreciate). But that's it. And then he would get upset and wonder why I didn't want to go the store with him or do anything he wanted to do. We haven't talked in over 10 years since he had me come visit him in our hometown but kicked me out and literally left me on the curb when we inevitably had an argument.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 4 months ago (edited)
I know that she's hurting, and believe me that I sympathise with people who choose to go NC, ... BUT no contact is exactly that, not "except for with your money". Li'l. Missy needs to feed herself independently before throwing this hissy fit and blocking.
Julia H 4 months ago
I think someone is putting toxic thoughts in her head that she totally bought in to. On that note though, it took a road trip for my kid to tell me what she needed when sh it happened. Before that I thought I was doing enough. What she needed was for someone (me) to acknowledge what happened and allow her time to adjust. Fair enough, I can do that. I think sometimes ppl first have to figure out what they need before they can express it properly.
Load More Replies... Doodles1983 4 months ago
This guy was there for her more than my dad was for me. He was a hgv driver and yes monetarily supported me via my mum til they divorced. Then £20 a week (in the 90s til 2001) via child maintenance. Which was sod all. In my whole life. 1 school play. When my sister moved in with him full time, she kicked me out of the shared bedroom. He didn't even stop her. The first time I recall him saying "I love you"? I was 29 and mum had just died. He's not a particularly intelligent person, he has simple pleasures and he can't deal with emotions. I'm now 40. He's 76. He is who he is. I accepted it a long time ago. But this dad? He sounds like he provided. Mostly monetary, but he also mentions events. And carrying her to age 7. Loving her. And she's hurling this at him at 19, blocking him. Ignoring him in his own home. Still "taking" from him. But not prepared to try and work through it but throw tantrums. I understand his frustration at the end. Love unconditional is a toxic concept.
Tabitha 4 months ago (edited)
Two things: 1) Just paying the bills isn’t raising and interacting with your child—-divorced fathers who don’t have custody are generally just a support check in the mail, so this isn’t genuine parenthood. 2) OP’s FIRST reaction should’ve been, “Was it something I said or did, or didn’t say or do?”, followed by asking his daughter to sit down with him, have a real soul-searching talk, and figure out what the issue actually is. It should NOT be that she’s an ungrateful little b***h so she can go f**k herself. There’s always a load of context to every conflict, and more importantly, a load of fault on both sides. Though there are some terrible people in the world, the majority of us are not perfect angels or evil devils. We’re human, we have feet of clay, and sometimes we stumble and f**k up for various reasons, usually not knowing any better. But if we can be brutally honest with ourselves and realize that we had a hand in the conflict, then sit down and have a CALM talk—-no arguing, no deaf ears and doubling down, no resorting to insults and incriminations, no going in convinced you are the only one who’s right, but a willingness to try pull listen and actually hear and lend credence to both sides—-with the other(s) involved, it is amazing how we can work it out, come to a realization and understanding of our own part in the issue, adjust our behavior and attitude, repair the breaks in the relationship, and move on with our now happier and more harmonious lives.
roddy 4 months ago
She's a kid and going through the time frame in which she knows best about everything and adults all suck. Kids are very selfish when they are finding themselves. Nothing new there, and she'll see things differently when she grows up and finds out that being an adult isn't as easy and clear-cut as she thought. If she's at all intelligent, she'll look back at her childhood and realize that you loved her, kept her safe, and tried to be there for her.
Nils Skirnir 4 months ago
Two or three opinions here. One is, is the wife SAHM? If she is and physically and mentally able, she should get a job and OP should quit his second job. Second is that these folks should have talked about it face to face. Gen Z has got all it know about life from social media. Even the terms self-care, generational trauma, etc are sns buzzwords. Third is that he should start to exercise in his new free time from quitting his second job and do more housework. Use this time for family counseling
tori Ohno 4 months ago
I've heard of a lot of younger people striking out like this. They refuse to take responsibility for themselves by deflecting it onto the parents. No parent is perfect, but once you hit a certain age, it's not their fault, it's your fault for not getting the help you may need. If she's so miserable she can leave. My father would have kicked me out of I'd attacked him like that. Her insults and hatred are completely out of line. If she's hurting she needs to talk about it, not tell her father what a fat, worthless, loser of a disappointment he is. I wonder if her mean streak is new, or has she always been nasty? His anger towards her attack makes me think that maybe the answer is yes, and he's had enough. She's also at that age where schizophrenia will start manifesting. Her memories may not actually be real.
Queenie B 4 months ago
Our youth have some funny ideas. There are so many folks out there on social media telling them how to feel and how to think. My son has gone down the same path as your daughter. The stories he tells are horrifying. We had a happy home, happy family. They were around grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. Could I have been a better mother? Sure, we all make mistakes. But I provided a roof, a bed, and food. More than that I provided love and safety. My children never had to ask if they were loved. I have 2 sons and the other son (twins) get so angry with his brother for this attitude. Much like the OP, I have distanced my self from my son. I don't engage when he starts accusing and doing the poor me c**p. I love my sons and would do almost anything for them but I am done being a whipping post for my sons issues. I did the best I could which was pretty d**n great as a single parent!
Daniel Raymond 2 months ago
Seems like an ungrateful entitled daughter. Boo fricking hoo, she doesn't like some things? Not a***e, not neglected, not ridiculed, roof over her head, food, car, insurance. Aww, poor girl. He loved her and was there for her for her entire life to this point. What a piece of s**t daughter. I would do the same, disconnect, stop paying for her ungrateful life and try to appreciate the life around me that appreciates me. Namely my other daughter and my wife.
Greg Fraser 3 months ago
I think the key could be the he is NC with his parents but his daughter is not. What have they been telling her? Sounds like he's provided her everything, even maybe spoiled her. As to the voting, maybe the daughter is MAGA. Doesn't have to be him.
LamarrKee 3 months ago
Quit paying for her phone, etc- she wants to cut you off, make her live it all the way. Maybe once she Loses your hitherto-always-there support, she'll smarten up and try to earn it back. . Till then, NTA- stick to your guns, and don't kowtow to the entitled little so-and-so.
KatSaidWhat 4 months ago
Ok, if you cut me off, I'm cutting you off. Phone, car, insurance etc. Get to the bottom of this sudden change in attitude because someone else is behind it.
Kate Johnson 4 months ago
IMO he should cut her off entirely financially. Quit paying for everything and let her sink or swim on her own. No more free rides for the unappreciative. Let her live poor and on her own labor and see what happens.
Upstaged75 4 months ago
If that's how she feels she needs to move out and support her own d**n self. Stop paying for anything. She sounds like an entitled b***h.
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