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Parents Confused When Daughter Pulls Away After They Paid For Son’s Education But Not Hers
It’s one thing to need some help while friends and family are genuinely unable to do anything. However, it’s another thing entirely when you need the help of your family, and despite having the means to help, they just don’t.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) is a father who had the means to cover his children’s education from a fund that was set up by his parents. However, instead of using it for his daughter who struggled to get by in college, he only used it for his son.
More info: Reddit
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The author started by explaining that his kids had an education fund that was set up for them by their grandparents
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He and his wife kept the fund in the hopes that their kids would go to grad school; but neither of them wanted to
Image credits: JacquesBN
Image credits: garetsvisual / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He and his wife then ended up using the son’s fund for his college tuition and living, while they kept their daughter’s fund
Image credits: JacquesBN
Image credits: yakobchuk / Freepik (not the actual photo)
His daughter found out after noticing her brother was living very comfortably and was hurt to find out she had a fund all along
Image credits: JacquesBN
Now the father is asking netizens whether he was wrong for holding it back, especially since she can’t access the money anymore
The OP started by explaining that when his children were much younger, their grandparents generously set up an education fund for them. As the years went by, he and his wife had expected that their children would go to college and then grad school. However, his daughter grew up to be passionate about music and film, so she attended an expensive school but it was covered with scholarships.
Through everything, the OP and his wife didn’t tell her about the fund. Instead, she lived in a cramped apartment and learned how to budget until she finished studying. After graduation, she found a job she loved but decided against further education. Their son, on the other hand, pursued engineering but had no interest in grad school, either.
However, since he lacked scholarships, the OP and his wife used his education fund to fully cover his tuition and living expenses. This allowed him to live comfortably in a large apartment close to his school—something his sister never had. When the OP’s daughter asked how her brother was able to afford everything while she struggled, she learned about the fund and was shocked.
His daughter then asked if she could access her money, only to be told there would be penalties for withdrawal. If taken out, the funds would legally return to her grandparents. Feeling betrayed, she grew distant and stopped responding to her parents’ calls. The OP insists it isn’t really her money, as it was meant for education. However, his daughter is extremely upset as her brother got full access while she struggled.
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
According to the Counseling and Wellness Center, favoritism in parenting can have lasting effects on both the favored and unfavored child.
Furthermore, it can stem from gender, birth order, or career choices. While the unfavored child may feel resentment, the favored one can struggle with dependency and always seeking approval from people.
Regarding career choices, Valor Dictus acknowledges that people often view liberal arts education as unnecessary due to more limited jobs as opposed to STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) jobs with high salaries. However, they maintain that the arts and humanities should never be undervalued or seen as disruptive.
Since the OP and his wife had decided not to use their daughter’s fund despite her needing it, Therapy Group of NYC affirms that not helping a person when they are aware you can help often discourages them from asking for help or support. They further explained that it also leads to feelings of betrayal.
Netizens were brutally honest by calling out the OP and his wife as unfair. Many pointed out that both children made the same decision—skipping grad school—yet only the son benefited from the education fund.
Others suggested that OP and his wife compensate their daughter for the hardship she had to endure on her own while her brother had full support. What do you think about this? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens blatantly told the father he was very unfair for doing that to his daughter and insisted that he should compensate her
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What do you think ?
Ellinor 10 months ago
So they were okay with their daughter living in a small place shared with many people but thought that their son deserved a big empty apartment to focus on his studies ? How can they not see it !!!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Found these comments from OP on Reddit: "We are all Catholic with the exception of my daughter." and "My wife, my son and I are all religious and my daughter left the faith when she moved out, which caused a big argument. There were other smaller issues relating to how she identifies, appearance choices, partners, etc. We generally don't bring up these topics because there is no agreement that we can really come to." DING DING DING! Mommy and Daddy are good widdle Catholics and Golden Boy is too, so of course he gets his money! Daughter decided to leave the faith, so Mommy and Daddy say she can rot on Earth before she rots in hell for her choices.
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Vinnie 10 months ago (edited)
I give the black sheep daughter a lot of credit. Some kids act out in self-destructive ways; she chose to go her own way and avoid contact with them. The mother might get to brag "My son is an engineer" but the daughter has fully earned the right to say "I did it without my parents' help."
Vinnie 10 months ago
And also "F*ck 'em, because they don't want me and I don't need them." The father is at least rethinking his role in the mess, but he comes as a package with the judgmental and inflexible wife.
Load More Replies...
Surly Scot 10 months ago
They lost themselves a daughter. But from OP's description, seems like the mother wasn't interested in the daughter anyway since she's not a clone of her mother. Father is incapable of not showing favoritism towards son, even blatantly, and needs 3rd parties to point out how much of a douche he is (PHD degrees don't give you brains, it just trains you to be able to do 1 thing). Poor girl, I bet it just hit her how much she doesn't really have, and has never had, an actual family, she was just a 5th wheel to be mildly considered. Hope she went NC and moved on with her life.
Ellinor 10 months ago
So they were okay with their daughter living in a small place shared with many people but thought that their son deserved a big empty apartment to focus on his studies ? How can they not see it !!!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Found these comments from OP on Reddit: "We are all Catholic with the exception of my daughter." and "My wife, my son and I are all religious and my daughter left the faith when she moved out, which caused a big argument. There were other smaller issues relating to how she identifies, appearance choices, partners, etc. We generally don't bring up these topics because there is no agreement that we can really come to." DING DING DING! Mommy and Daddy are good widdle Catholics and Golden Boy is too, so of course he gets his money! Daughter decided to leave the faith, so Mommy and Daddy say she can rot on Earth before she rots in hell for her choices.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 10 months ago (edited)
I give the black sheep daughter a lot of credit. Some kids act out in self-destructive ways; she chose to go her own way and avoid contact with them. The mother might get to brag "My son is an engineer" but the daughter has fully earned the right to say "I did it without my parents' help."
Vinnie 10 months ago
And also "F*ck 'em, because they don't want me and I don't need them." The father is at least rethinking his role in the mess, but he comes as a package with the judgmental and inflexible wife.
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 10 months ago
They lost themselves a daughter. But from OP's description, seems like the mother wasn't interested in the daughter anyway since she's not a clone of her mother. Father is incapable of not showing favoritism towards son, even blatantly, and needs 3rd parties to point out how much of a douche he is (PHD degrees don't give you brains, it just trains you to be able to do 1 thing). Poor girl, I bet it just hit her how much she doesn't really have, and has never had, an actual family, she was just a 5th wheel to be mildly considered. Hope she went NC and moved on with her life.
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