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Lady Doesn’t Want Daughter’s Partner Of 6 Years On Family Trip, Folks Slam Her With Reality Check
Going on a trip with your parents and siblings is honestly the best if you are on good terms with them. However, isn’t it obvious that if you are in a serious relationship, your partner also becomes part of the family?
Well, some parents have difficulty digesting this, as they still cling to the “us and our kids” idea forever, just like the original poster (OP). She’s upset her daughter wants to bring her long-term partner on their vacation, as she wants it to be an exclusive “family-only” holiday. Let’s see how things turned sour after her daughter disapproved!
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Vacationing with parents and siblings is fun, but you also want your partner along if you consider them “family”
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman vented online that she has planned a family vacation with her adult children, but the younger daughter wants to bring along her partner
Image credits: OneLilacPanda
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster got annoyed by this as she wanted it to be a “family-only” holiday, and she told her daughter so
Image credits: OneLilacPanda
Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, this upset the daughter as she now refuses to even come on the trip as her mom doesn’t consider her long-term partner family
Image credits: OneLilacPanda
After taking netizens’ advice, the poster realized that she is being very unreasonable and plans to apologize to her daughter
Today, we dive into a conflict that arose between this mother-daughter duo over a vacation. The poster is the mom who tells us that their family has not gone on a trip for quite some time, so she has planned one, along with her husband, son, and 2 daughters. The problem started when the younger daughter, who is 25 years old, said that she is going to bring her partner along.
This really upset the poster, and she even told her daughter that it’s a “family-only” holiday. The thing is, the daughter is living with her partner and they have been together since she was 19, so 6 years. She didn’t like that her mom doesn’t consider him family, considering their long-term relationship, so she is refusing to even come for the trip.
OP says that the daughter and her partner already live 7 hours away, so they don’t really see much of the couple. She also feels that the 25-year-old should not need to do everything with him, and should come with them on the trip, so she vented online. However, people reminded her that she’s being unreasonable and going overboard with her demands.
According to Psychology Today, boundaries are the foundation for mutual respect, and they permit each of us to maintain our own space and autonomy while sustaining a close emotional connection. Psychotherapist and relationship expert Terri Cole also says that when parents violate boundaries, it’s a clear sign of disordered family systems.
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Just like netizens pointed out, the mom is overstepping by asking her daughter not to bring her partner along when her own husband is also coming. They explained that she needs to back off a little and think things from the 25-year-old’s perspective. Further, people also commented that even they would say no if their parents had such unreasonable expectations from them.
Gail Roeshman, a specialist in family dynamics, suggests that it’s important to identify the unrealistic expectations that people can have from their family in order to have a healthy relationship. Now, if all the research is clearly pointing out that parents have to keep their expectations real and not violate boundaries set by adult children, it must be true.
Upon looking at all the suggestions that the woman received from netizens, she thankfully realized her mistake. OP tried to justify her actions owing to the fact that her other children don’t mind going on the trip without their partners. However, she informed folks that she is glad for the slap of reality and plans to repair the damage that she has caused.
The poster even liked the idea suggested by the netizens about a mother-daughter trip and is looking forward to trying that out, too. Well, we hope that she is able to reconcile with her daughter and consider her partner “family”. That’s it from our end, folks. Do you agree with the verdict given by people online? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section!
People claimed that she is asking too much from her daughter, and they might even get upset if their parents asked this of them
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What do you think ?
Michael Largey 9 months ago
"We don't see much of them." Amazing. "We grew apart when they started living together." What changed? Did your daughter suddenly resent you being her mother, or was it you who began resenting something?
Ellinor 9 months ago
I'd say that the fact that the mother doesn't see her daughter's boyfriends of 6 YEARS as family may have something to do with it.
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Robert Beveridge 9 months ago
"the other kids are okay not bringing their partners, I assumed she would be too." Congratulations on finally discovering that different human beings have the capacity for thinking different things!
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
If the other partners aren't invited and it's just for the nuclear family, that's fine. But also fine if she doesn't want to come. My siblings and I used to have just the siblings outings until my brother got married and his wife won't allow him to go without her. The other partners don't mind, sometimes you just want to see your siblings. But SIL insists on coming so we just don't do them anymore. Her presence ruined the point of the outings. It's important to have time with partners but it's also important to have time without them, so I absolutely agree with OP that it's a shame her daughter doesn't want to do that. If there's no reason why she doesn't want to spend the time with her family, look out for a controlling partner. That's my brother's issue, but if it isn't, it's the family. And either way you can force it.
Michael Largey 9 months ago
"We don't see much of them." Amazing. "We grew apart when they started living together." What changed? Did your daughter suddenly resent you being her mother, or was it you who began resenting something?
Ellinor 9 months ago
I'd say that the fact that the mother doesn't see her daughter's boyfriends of 6 YEARS as family may have something to do with it.
Load More Replies... Robert Beveridge 9 months ago
"the other kids are okay not bringing their partners, I assumed she would be too." Congratulations on finally discovering that different human beings have the capacity for thinking different things!
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
If the other partners aren't invited and it's just for the nuclear family, that's fine. But also fine if she doesn't want to come. My siblings and I used to have just the siblings outings until my brother got married and his wife won't allow him to go without her. The other partners don't mind, sometimes you just want to see your siblings. But SIL insists on coming so we just don't do them anymore. Her presence ruined the point of the outings. It's important to have time with partners but it's also important to have time without them, so I absolutely agree with OP that it's a shame her daughter doesn't want to do that. If there's no reason why she doesn't want to spend the time with her family, look out for a controlling partner. That's my brother's issue, but if it isn't, it's the family. And either way you can force it.
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