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“I Should Get Parole In 90 Days”: 44 Crazy Things Women Have Put On Their Dating Profiles
If you’ve never used a dating app before, count your blessings. According to the Pew Research Center, nearly a third of adults in the United States have used a dating site or app before, but that doesn’t mean that they’ve all found love on there. Often, what people discover instead is frustration, rejection, and a mountain of bizarre profiles.
Men on Reddit have been recalling the wildest and most disturbing things they’ve ever seen on women’s dating profiles, so we’ve gathered their juiciest stories below. From bios that couldn’t possibly be perceived positively to photos from their first wedding, it’s clear that many people need some help curating their profiles. Enjoy reading these stories, and be sure to upvote the ones that convince you to avoid dating apps at all costs!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
Look, I don’t want to have handle anything when I come home. I want peace.
Edit: peace & love. Comfort you when you have a bad day. Not coming home and hear you nagging about small unnecessary things.
StrangeOne 7 hours ago
Every time I hear that phrase I keep getting Lana Del Rey's "Lolita" and "Off To The Races" in my head.
RELATED:
#2
"Let me be your next big mistake. I'm definitely NOT the one, but I promise you'll still be thinking about me long after!"
Oh, you mean I'll be suffering from PTSD after the trauma you put me through?
Lovely.
#3
Years ago on Plenty of Fish this woman wrote in her profile that she wanted men to send her their social security number so that she can run a background check before they chat.
#4
I only date single men I have three kids, minimum make over 100k. Stay at home mom
hahahahah.
StrangeOne 7 hours ago (edited)
Well, you should be only dating single men, unless you're into all that open relationship stuff with the polygamy and s**t. (No judgement here.) With 3 kids, though, be careful. Just because a man makes a lot of money, doesn't mean they make suitable spouses and step-parents. If a woman can find that unicorn of a man who makes tons, loves her kids and allows her to stay home with the kids, all the power to her. But she will be putting her and her kids in a very vulnerable position if she needs to flee. Stay at home moms tend to have large employment gaps that are heavily scrutinized by employers.
#5
"You shouldn't have women friends" (at least she claimed to have no guy friends) and "I will share you with no one." (I am monogamous but that sounds a bit too possessive).
#7
"I miss the days when men went to war and never came back"
This one aged like milk.
#8
Any woman who puts her children in her profile picture.
I don't care that you have kids, but you should not be introducing your kids until the relationship gets serious.
Plus, putting your kids in your profile picture is just asking for creeps to message you.
#10
“Don’t message me if you’re not a doctor.” She was a receptionist at her father’s clinic.
#11
I saw one whose bio was "I hate cops and white people" followed by several knife emojis.
#12
“I want a man who will confidently pursue me.” Sounds like you’ve dated alot of weak men or let men take advantage of you. Or, worse, you want to be lazy and let him do all the pursuing, showing minimal interest or initiative.
#13
Saw this on Tinder last month:
“So who wants to be a daddy next Fathers Day?”.
#14
Whenever a women proclaims that "she is a handful" or "she is too much". I find it super cringe because they are so proud of it, but for men its the biggest red flag in the world.
#15
“Change my mind about men!”
She doesn’t need to say that to a dude on Hinge, she needs to say that to a therapist.
#16
She said "I should get paroled in 90 days".
#17
No money, no honey.
#18
Always run into this
Bio: Ask me
Interest: Ask me
Location: Ask me
Also, any profile that says “Boss Mom” usually means they're in an MLM of some kind. Found that out the hard way one too many times.
#19
“No mask-wearing freaks!”
Best part: that girl was the HR rep at my job at the time
“I won’t message you first”
Thanks for telling me in advance you have no intention of putting forth any effort into this.
#21
"I'm not like other girls" is the same as men who use terms like "Alpha/Beta male".
Roman Arendt 7 hours ago
As an adult woman, referring to yourself as a girl in the context of an online dating profile seems... Well, a little off?
#22
“You should not go out with me if you’re a liberal or believe in credit cards”
I get political beliefs being important to someone, but…credit cards?
A second one: an all caps paragraph about how much they hate you (the reader). Truly unhinged.
#23
"Looking for submissives with good credit...".
#25
“A long misandrist speech on how men are the worst”.
#26
I ❤️ making boys cry.
Roman Arendt 7 hours ago
What kind of psychopath are you? You love making children cry? Yikes!
#27
"I bleed monthly".
That's it. I mean cool, I pee 5 or 6 times a day, any other bodily functions you want to discuss?
#28
"I don't send the first message."
On Bumble...where the woman HAS TO send the first message...**meaning she's either a troll and/or a complete idiot.**.
#29
"I like to watch people bleed.".
#30
“Looking for a serious relationship”
…and that’s it. That’s their bio. Nothing about themselves at all.
You’re ready to find a serious partner but can’t spend 5-10 minutes on your dating profile to say something about yourself?
StrangeOne 6 hours ago
There's nothing wrong with that. Sort of defeats the purpose of interacting with someone to get to know them if they have everything about themselves in their bio.
#32
(completely empty)
Happens way too often. How am I supposed to consider them if I have nothing to go on?
StrangeOne 6 hours ago
When I tried these sites for a couple weeks, I didn't even know what to put down that couldn't be perceived negatively, or trying too hard. I realized I didn't know what I wanted and I lacked so much self-esteem and confidence I couldn't think of what I could offer someone. It didn't matter, anyways. I added that I was looking for a long term relationship but kept getting the same couple of men who were looking for a one night stand. Horrible sites. I found someone away from dating sites.
#33
I don't know if I would consider it "disturbing" but one that is etched in my mind is a woman who wrote "I'm 8 and a half months pregnant. It's a boy!".
#34
"I'm an Ethically Poly Queen"
"My friends say I'm fun"
"Looking for a real man"
"Feed me".
Roman Arendt 7 hours ago
Okay, I know, three toddlers in a trenchcoat don't count, but what is a real man?
#35
In the “I’m weirdly attracted to” prompt on hinge she wrote “Dogs”.
I dropped the phone because I was laughing so hard.
#37
“We’re a package deal😤”.
StrangeOne 5 hours ago
At least it's insinuating they have kids and not blurting out their ages and gender, and not revealing their identities. Good, they are a package deal. I wouldn't want to be with some schmuck who's going to not get along with mine, or want to take me away from her.
#38
"I'm done having fun, I'm ready to settle down". Comes off as incredibly desperate to me.
StrangeOne 6 hours ago
I wouldn't say desperate. This one comes off as just honest and to the point. They're not looking for anything casual or dating on and off, and with a lot of people. They're looking for a life partner to settle down with. I think it's reasonable.
#40
"JuSt A Pam LoOkInG for her JiM" Jesus Christ.
Also, when their "hobbies" section includes:
Food.
Hanging with friends
Netflix
Traveling
Sarcasm
Aight cool so you enjoy things that 99% of people enjoy. If you were a spice, you'd be flour.
StrangeOne 6 hours ago
At least they listed something. This whole list is proof you can't please everyone.
#41
"I like hiking," after a while of bringing up hiking, asking hiking related questions when I was on dating sites and getting vague responses, it finally dawned on me that putting anything about hiking is code for I don't date fat men.
#43
“I don’t respond to hey or hi there”
Even though that’s the first thing, she probably say if it was Bumble.
#44
I can't remember the app, but this one chick had no preferences at all as far as body type, religion, income, etc.
Except for race. She only wanted a white guy.
What do you think ?
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