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Trans Woman Walks Into Friendly Chat With Coworker, Walks Out Mad Her “Secret” Wasn’t Really Hidden
Every office brings people from all walks of life together to achieve a common goal, and as wonderful as this can be, it can also be tough to manage. That’s because sometimes, normal conversations between different kinds of folks can lead to misunderstandings and drama.
This is exactly what happened when a woman joined a new workplace and casually brought up her coworker’s “secret” transgender identity. This obviously led to a confrontation and a horrible realization for the trans woman who thought she had been passing well.
More info: Reddit
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Gender expression and identity can often be a touchy subject, which is why people need to be careful when bringing it up with another person
Image credits: pe_jo / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that she recently moved to San Francisco for an internship, and she experienced culture shock regarding being able to be openly gay at work
Image credits: freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The woman also got to know that there was a transgender coworker in the office, and she was told by someone else to only use she/her pronouns when talking to her
Image credits: freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, on Halloween, the poster brought up her coworker’s trans identity as a way to relate to her, but was shocked when the other woman got mad
Image credits: anonymous
The transgender woman had been under the illusion that nobody had clocked her at work, so hearing the poster’s comment had shattered that idea completely
The woman explained that since she was gay but also quite girly, she found it hard to manage her identity in the male-dominated, conservative place that she lived in. That’s why, when she came to San Francisco for an internship, she was pleasantly surprised to find things were different and that she could be herself at work.
According to research, nearly 21% of LGBTQ Europeans have experienced workplace discrimination, and that rate is much higher for transgender individuals. That’s probably why so many queer folks tend to find it difficult to come out in professional settings out of fear that they’ll face some kind of stigma.
In this case, the poster’s colleagues seemed to be quite open-minded and understanding, which is why they also told her to use she/her pronouns for their transgender coworker, Linda. This was quite simple for the woman, and since she had only met the other lady a few times, their interactions were fairly pleasant.
It’s important for every workplace to be sensitive, like this, about its employees’ gender identities and to cultivate a culture of respect and understanding. Experts explain that by doing so, people will start to feel safe at work and will not have to worry about being misgendered or misunderstood.
Image credits: krakenimages.com / Magnific (not the actual photo)
It’s clear that the woman didn’t have any problem with Linda, which is why she casually brought up the other woman’s transgender identity in a bid to relate to her. What she didn’t realize was that Linda had always believed she was “passing” at work, so this conversation left her shocked and angry.
Although many people who have transitioned or are transitioning want to pass or not be “clocked” by anyone else, professionals explain that the idea can actually cause more harm than good. That’s because if there’s even one situation in which this person is misgendered, they might spiral and struggle with severe dysphoria.
This is exactly what happened with Linda because all this time, she had assumed that none of her coworkers knew that she was transgender. That’s because everyone had been informing new hires about her pronouns and had been careful not to bring up her gender identity in front of her.
That’s why the poster’s conversation affected Linda so much, and she began badmouthing her to the friends she had in the office. She also felt that the OP had judged her by pointing out that she didn’t pass, whereas the poster knew she hadn’t meant anything bad by her comment.
What do you think is the best way for the woman to deal with this conflict with her coworker? Do share your thoughts on the matter in the comments below.
Folks sympathized with Linda’s feelings but felt that she was overreacting by getting mad at the poster for just stating a fact
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What do you think ?
Ace 1 day ago
The more I re-read this the less inclined I am to take it at face value. Trans people are always going to be inherently aware of how they 'pass'; this level of self-delusion, that Linda thinks that no-one knows she's trans and that she will automatically be assumed to be biological female is entirely inconsistent with the poster's assertion that she is so obviously trans, although she does actually say "objectively probably trans", so I'm wondering if she actually passes quite well and will be understandably upset, especially if the OP has been somewhat less tactful than comes across in her post. It doesn't take much of a stretch of the imagination to imagine a scenario where Linda actually passes very well and OP has told her she does not. That's really the only explanation that makes sense, as I read it.
DrBronxx 6 hours ago
It makes me wonder if OP would have thought Linda was so clearly trans if no-one had told her beforehand.
Load More Replies...
PirellisMiracleElixer 4 hours ago
It’s not a game of “I’ve caught you!”. Being an ally I had to learn this too. It’s no one’s business. Intersex people exist and not to mention there are some manly looking sis women and feminine looking cis men. Just take people as they way they present themselves and mind your business
Ace 1 day ago
The more I re-read this the less inclined I am to take it at face value. Trans people are always going to be inherently aware of how they 'pass'; this level of self-delusion, that Linda thinks that no-one knows she's trans and that she will automatically be assumed to be biological female is entirely inconsistent with the poster's assertion that she is so obviously trans, although she does actually say "objectively probably trans", so I'm wondering if she actually passes quite well and will be understandably upset, especially if the OP has been somewhat less tactful than comes across in her post. It doesn't take much of a stretch of the imagination to imagine a scenario where Linda actually passes very well and OP has told her she does not. That's really the only explanation that makes sense, as I read it.
DrBronxx 6 hours ago
It makes me wonder if OP would have thought Linda was so clearly trans if no-one had told her beforehand.
Load More Replies... PirellisMiracleElixer 4 hours ago
It’s not a game of “I’ve caught you!”. Being an ally I had to learn this too. It’s no one’s business. Intersex people exist and not to mention there are some manly looking sis women and feminine looking cis men. Just take people as they way they present themselves and mind your business
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