The all-American, the ever-masculine, and forever brooding cowboy epitomize the Wild West and days of America’s glorious past. And why wouldn’t it be, and who wouldn’t want to try their hand at herding cattle through vastly glorious Great Plains or driving them down for winter from the peaks of the Rockies?
Of course, every well-sung hero is no real protagonist without a funny side to them, and the iconic cowboy is no exception. That said, we’re not here to give you a list of cowboy songs about love lost and starry skies - they won’t just cut enough cake in the funny department. Instead, what we did here is we rounded up a list of the very best cowboy jokes to turn the myth into a person! We’ve lassoed real gems of cowboy humor and hobbled them here, and if there’s one thing we can guarantee is that these funny cowboy skits will have you snorting like a Quarter horse after a good cattle run.
As you can see, we’re not so hot to trot in making up cowboy puns ourselves, so to make it up to you, we’ve also included some pretty darn excellent ones on this list. All you need to do now is to saddle up, take a ride down west, and check out our selection of cowboy jokes!
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What does a teenage cowboy say when he throws somebody out of the saloon?
“Yeet haw!”
What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher.
The Cowboy Joke History
While there’s no official story of when and how cowboy jokes originated, we dare to say they’re as old as the Wild West itself. After all, once a cowboy was no rarity, but rather a very common-place occurrence. And when a thing, a person, or an occupation is aplenty, there are bound to be jokes. Be as it may, we usually search for topics to laugh at in our daily lives!
Where do Viking Cowboys go when they die?
Y'allhalla.
Cowboy Joke Styles
Whether you’re in for some hilarious puns or cowboy dad jokes, any style can accommodate a bit of hee-haw and a dash of jingly spurs.
No, but seriously, the unifying cowboy theme can be found in plenty of joke styles! And if your regular cowboy dad joke is as corny and simple-minded as it gets, then longer, story-format jokes offer a more sophisticated take on this once-lowly career.
What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?
Both want to put a winchester in their mouth.
Cowboy Humor in Popular Culture
Okay, hold your hats because you might get blown by this fact - between 1930 and 1954, in the US alone, the movie industry churned out *drum roll* 2700 Western movies! And that’s just in those years, so imagine the real number of movies that classify as Western or have an appearance of a cowboy in them? That’s way more than anyone could watch in their lifetime.
Luckily for us, we don’t have to watch this many movies to get all the best bits of cowboy humor from pop culture delivered to us. It’s plenty enough to read this hand-picked selection of cowboy jokes! After all, the internet lore gets its jokes from various places, and we bet some of them come from exactly those 2700 Western movies made way back when.
What do you call a takeout low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A saddle light dish.
A cowboy rides into town wearing a paper suit and paper hat. He wasn’t in town five minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
What do the Dallas Cowboys and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Who wrote the book “Talk Like a Cowboy?”
Hal D. Yall.
Why did the bow-legged cowboy lose his job on the ranch?
He couldn’t keep his calves together!
Knock, knock!
Who is it over there?
Howdy.
Howdy who?
Howey partner.
Why can’t cowboys ever get the right answer in math class?
Because they’re always rounding things up.
How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to change a tire?
One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up.
What did the cowboy say when his wife threatened to leave him?
He said, "It's just like Sparks says, 'This town ain't big enough for both of us'."
What is the secret to cowboys being extremely rich?
I think the only reason is that their horse often gives them a few bucks every day!
An insurance agent approaches a cowboy, trying to sell him an accident policy.
The agent inquires, "Have you ever had an accident?"
"Never," the cowboy responds. "However, just recently a horse kicked in two of my ribs, and back a couple years ago a rattlesnake bit my ankle."
"Wouldn't you call these accidents?" says the puzzled agent.
"Nah," the cowboy replies. "They both did it on purpose!"
What does a cowboy say to his wife when the nature’s calling?
"Honey, I think I got a DIARR-HEE-YAW."
Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.
A cowboy rides into town in the Wild West and shoots an artist.
The sheriff asks him, “Why did you do that?”
The cowboy says, “I thought he was going to draw.”
Did you hear about the cowboy who died with his boots on?
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!
If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later, leaves on Friday, how does he do it?
The horse’s name is Friday!
Three cowboys are riding in a truck, all dressed head-to-toe identically. Who is the smartest?
The one in the middle because he doesn’t have to drive or open the gate.
Two cowboys are lost in a desert. One cowboy sees a tree full of bacon and shouts, “It’s a bacon tree; we’re saved!” He runs toward the tree and gets shot. It wasn’t a bacon tree. It was a hambush.
A cowboy is riding on his horse in a desert. Suddenly, he sees a man lying down with his ear to the ground.
The man: “A carriage. Six horses. Three black, two brown and one white.”
The cowboy: “Wow! You can hear all of that?!”
The man: “No, they just ran me over.”
How did the cowboy react when he bought a new yo-yo?
He simply said, "Well, this ain't my first yo-yo".
Which is the only team that the cowboys support?
The cowboys are all avid fans of the Spurs!
What is the perfect way to call a cowboy who is always without money despite being a film actor?
You call him always broke Skint Eastwood!
What does the cowboy say after he is given a boring job at the factory?
After a long, tiring day, he says that his work is howdy pressing!
If ever there was a fight, who would a zombie cowboy fight with?
It would most definitely fight with the deadskins!
While taking out his herd, where do the cowboy take his cattle?
The cowboy rides them up to Moo York!
What special characteristic did the artist cowboy have in his forte?
He was excellent at drawing!
"Hey missy, I wouldn’t mind throwin a lasso around your boots and a pullin you this a way."
Who wears a cowboy hat, black leather jacket with studs, cowboy boots, a big silver belt buckle, and black lipstick?
Goth Brooks.
"I might have looked like Woody, but you must know that you’ve not just got a friend in me."
"We can run away with my dark horse and live in our own paradise for the rest of our lives."
"I am amazed that you are indeed a cowgirl as you already stolen of our hearts in this room."
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."
"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
What did the furry cowboy say when he was excited?
“Yiffy-ki-yay!”
"Some people call me the space cowboy. Some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice..."
"Yes that's very nice sir, now can you show me your license please?"
What’s the difference between a rodeo clown and a politician?
The rodeo clown tries to avoid the bull.
What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar?
"Gimme a slug of whiskey."
What does it mean when a cowboy finds a horseshoe?
His horse is walking around in his socks.
What is the first rule cowboys learn before filling up a canteen?
To go upstream from the herd.
What did Kenny Rogers do after his favorite cowboy boots snapped into two pieces?
In tribute to his cowboy boots, he wrote the song 'You picked a fine time to leave me, loose heel'.
What did the catholic cowboy do when he met the father of the church on his confession visit?
He greeted him by saying, "Howdy Pardoner!"
Why did the police arrest the cowboy for rustling?
The police arrested him because the cowboy secretly took the cattle of his neighbors!
How do you refer to a cowboy who is suffering from gastric distress?
You definitely call him Wyatt Burp!
What did the cowboy do when he counted his cows and found there were 97 of them instead of 100?
He simply rounded them!
Why did the cowboy kill an artist when he went to the new west town?
He simply thought that the artist was going to draw!
A three-legged dog walked into the saloon and said, “I’m alookin’ fer the man what shot my paw!”
A cowboy enters a saloon and says to the bartender “Give me a drink for a real man!” The bartender served him a shot of whisky, but the cowboy spits it out and yell, “This stuff is for kids… give me something for a man!” Bartender makes a mix of some of the most powerful stuff he had available, even adding some kerosene, hot sauce, and finishing with a 45 caliber bullet. “Now THAT’s something good!” At that, the cowboy paid for the drink and left. A week later, the cowboy returns, “Give me another of those man drinks, but hold the bullet. Last week I threw a fart and killed the horse.”
A cowboy walks into a bank wearing only his hat and his gun. A Security guard taps him on the shoulder and says “excuse me sir, you’re not wearing a mask and have to leave.”
Cowboy walks into a blacksmith shop. Starts picking up some tools and looking them over. Blacksmith starts getting annoyed. As he walks over to the him, the cowboy picks up a horseshoe that the blacksmith just made and burns his hand. Blacksmith says "did it burn ya?" Cowboy says "nope, just doesnt take me very long to look at a horseshoe".
So the cowboys hire a native american tracker. The tracker would often dismount his horse, look closely at the ground, sniff, put his ears on the ground, etc. So today they are riding a trail. Tracker asks for a halt, gets off the horse and holds his ears to the ground. Gets up says "Buffalo come!"
Cowboy says "Wow! You can feel the vibrations of the herd moving?"
Tracker : "No. Face sticky!"
Two cowboys are on the edge of a cliff when they hear the sound of wardrums. One cowboy looks at the other and says, “I don’t like the sound of those war drums.” From below, they hear somebody shout, “He’s not our regular drummer!”
A cowboy and a Roman soldier walked to a bar, and the bartender is deaf. The cowboy wanted 4 beers, so he showed 4 fingers and the roman soldier wanted 4 beers so he showed 3 fingers.
One day the Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding in a canyon, and suddenly they are completely surrounded and cut off by angry natives.
The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and says, “Well, this looks like the end for us, old friend.”
Tonto replies, “What you mean by ‘us,’ paleface?”
A cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself “Wagon…two gray horses… two passengers, man and woman…man driving.”
The cowboy goes “Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?”
The Indian replies “No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over.”
A cowboy walks in a saloon and sees a woman talking to 4 guys. He pulls out his gun, shoots the men then walks up to her "What's a pretty lady like you doing in a place like this all by herself?"
Which sport entails rounding up and stealing cattle as a form of dramatic entertainment?
Professional rustling.
How did the cowboy know his cattle were following him without turning around?
He herd them!
What will you get if you ever cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?
You will get Darn Tutankhamun!
Why are cowboys incapable of getting down from their horses?
Because they can only get down from a goose!
What kind of philosophy lessons do all the cowboys teach their cows?
They teach that when one attacks them, they will have to either move their udder cheeks or they'll get a moooo-ve on!
He takes a seat at the counter and notices an old cowboy next to him with his arms crossed staring blankly at a full bowl of meaty chili. A few minutes go by and the young cowboy gets the courage to speak up "Sir, if you ain't gonna eat that would you mind if I did?" "It's all yours friend." Says the older cowboy. The young man slides the bowl to himself and starts spooning the delicious chili into his mouth. He gets near the bottom of the bowl and notices that there is a dead mouse in the chili. He immediate throws up all the chili back into the bowl and looks over at the old cowboy next to him who says "Yeah that's about as far as I got too. "
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replies, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips." The cowboy then hands his drink back to the attendant and says, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?"
A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I did... want to complain to me?"
"No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"
What do Coloradans call a guy who gets on a raging bull after another rider got dumped off?
Successor to the thrown.
