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Absurd Examples Of “Corporate Math” That Make Zero Sense To Everyone Else
Interview
First we had girl math, then boy math came around. Not even a month later, and now it’s time for corporate math! What is this recently discovered sphere of science, you ask? In a nutshell, it’s all the absurdities and ways of corporate life that take advantage of the underdog, the compliant employee.
Leadership coach Robyn L. Garrett recently shared some examples of corporate math in a TikTok. Bored Panda got in touch with Robyn and she was kind enough to tell us more about the practices that constitute corporate math. Scroll down to find her insights.
Inspired by the video, people flocked to the comments to share their examples of corporate math. Well, if we can’t escape this hellhole, let’s at least take comfort in the fact that we’re not alone and laugh about it together.
RELATED:
‘Corporate Math’ is the viral trend going around on TikTok describing the injustices and absurdities of workplaces
Image credits: courageousleadership
A leadership coach went on TikTok to call out some unfortunate realities of ‘Corporate Math’ – some grotesquely funny, others soul-crushingly accurate
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Image credits: courageousleadership
Robyn’s video went viral – it was viewed by over 1 million TikTok users
@courageousleadership From the people ghat brought ypu boy math… corporate math! #corporatehumor#greenscreen♬ original sound – Robyn L Garrett
What’s the equation for a successful company? This leadership coach says it’s putting workers before profits
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
The TikToker behind the corporate math trend is Robyn L Garrett, CEO of Beamably and an expert on leadership. After many years as a startup executive, Robyn became tired of working with “leaders” that continuously put profits before people. She wanted to guide a new generation of leaders, and now she’s sharing her witty insights and practical, modern strategies online.
Her main advice for people in management positions is to put people first. “Prioritize your people,” she says off the bat. “A company – especially a modern company – is nothing without talented workers that care. Give them the resources they need and help them feel safe, respected, and valued.”
If you’re looking for more information on how one can be the catalyst of change in a workplace, check out Robyn’s book Happy at Work: How to Create a Happy, Engaging Workplace for Today’s (and Tomorrow’s!) Workforce.
Employees just want to be happy, and there are some small steps they can take to make their unpleasant workplace a little better
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
When you’re a small cog in the corporate machine, it may seem like there’s nothing you can do to change the company culture. Yet, Robyn has some encouraging words: “You can’t always change everything but you can impact your immediate circle.”
If you want to make changes in your workplace, she recommends setting realistic goals and starting small. “Every person impacts the company’s corporate culture on a scale that is relative to their position. Build relationships and show people that you trust them.”
There are some red flags about a company that people can look out for when they’re job hunting
Image credits: Tim Gouw (not the actual photo)
It goes without saying – nobody would like to experience the absurd things Robyn lists above as “corporate math” in the workplace. But is it possible to figure out what your future working environment would be based on job interviews?
Robyn says to pay attention to the inner workings of the company, its daily life. That’s where the true work culture of the company comes across best. “A company’s real values aren’t what they put on an inspirational poster,” the leadership coach claims. “They are shown in the daily norms, expectations, and interactions people actually experience.”
It’s also important to gauge the job interviewer’s behavior. “Be careful if an interviewer is late, exhausted, or doesn’t have clear information about the role,” Robyn advises. The interviewer’s emotional state could be an indicator of the company overworking their employees.
If the person doesn’t seem to know important things about the role you’re interviewing for, that can mean shortage of staff or just general incompetence of the management – neither of which are professional. “Watch out for companies that say one thing and do another,” Robyn warns. “If every interviewer says something different, run.”
People found Robyn’s video relatable and started sharing their experiences with corporate math
What do you think ?
DB 2 years ago
Actually it's the work of 6 people but they hire 9 knowing that 3 will spend most of their time on social media and personal business and contribute absolutely nothing while 3 more will make so many mistakes that their contributions are effectively useless. So that leaves the 3 competent people to get the job done.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
And a good portion of the 6 are best buddies and/or significant others (includes side pieces of both genders) and/or relatives and/or children of management, who are worthless as employees, but given higher pay, more advantages, and promotions that were genuinely earned by employees without the “connections” that nepotism provides—-while the other 3 do all the work and get nothing, not even a thank you, from management. Because management is looking after and sucking up to the nepo hires, and don’t give a fat rat’s a*s about the employees who are the ones who REALLY make the company profitable. The nepos don’t contribute s**t to profits, have no clue how to do the work, and will never come up with anything but stupid ideas that will only lose money but will be hailed by the “suits” as smart, perfect, and worth yet another undeserved raise and promotion. Some may even steal the truly good idea of an employee without connections, out their name to it and present it without really understanding it, and earn all the glory, without ever mentioning the name of the employee who really thought it up and thought it through, of course. Though the nepos’ overinflated egos may prompt them to proclaim themselves to be “wunderkins” because their connections told them they are, they’re far Far FAR from it.
Load More Replies...
Higgleton 2 years ago
Corporate math is my wife being passed for promotion due to inexperience but then being expected to cover manager role while they spend months trying to hire. They then finally hire someone who doesn't know what they're doing and she's expected to train the new manager on how to do their job.
Sunny Day 2 years ago
Corporate math is - personally visiting each branch of your company to explain that times are tough and layoffs are coming - and flying between said branches in your private jet. (True story)
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Or developing a WAY overinflated ego, buying a private jet, moving to a way too big and expensive office, hiring a large number of new salespeople and expecting support staff to cater to their every whim and take all the customer complaint calls when the salesperson promised way more than could ever be realistically delivered for the lower than rock bottom price they sold the package for “to free up the sales staff so they could concentrate on selling more” (basically, salespeople were let off the hook for servicing their accounts), and wasting profits on other unnecessary high dollar c**p, because your ego wants to attract investors and go public with your moderately successful company long Long LONG before it’s anywhere near ready for that—-and only manage to bankrupt your company and end up having to sell it really cheap to a major competitor, who then fires your entire staff and erases your name from the company history. True story.
Load More Replies...
P.A. Yearsley 2 years ago
I'm living in corporate math hell. The bank I work for has lost all of it's system experts. I expect the consent order from the reserve is about to become fines and penalties.
Marcellus II 2 years ago
It starts from "our company will guarantee you a baby in five months, because one woman needs 9months for one so we will run our team of five and will get the job done in 4.5months with 2weeks to spare" and then doesn't hire more than one woman to do the project; but they do hire two women for HR and a male project manager and general manager.
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
Corporate math is saying the pay range for a job is $15-25/hr but only hiring at $15/hr and you can work your way up to $25 by the time you retire.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Ten cents at a time, but only IF they feel like giving out raises.
Load More Replies... VioletHunter 2 years ago
Why do TikTokers always stick their entire face into the screen for these videos?
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
I just ended up scrolling down laughing at the ugly expressions
Load More Replies...
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
Re the people who commented on Robyn's video:
CueFilm - And the CEO's nephew is probably an imbecile.
Shannon - Corporate-...78de11.jpg 
Sara Wilson 2 years ago
Corporate math = hey! Record breaking profits! Great job everyone! But we can't afford to give u raises this year. We r spending $25m redoing our logo instead
DB 2 years ago
Actually it's the work of 6 people but they hire 9 knowing that 3 will spend most of their time on social media and personal business and contribute absolutely nothing while 3 more will make so many mistakes that their contributions are effectively useless. So that leaves the 3 competent people to get the job done.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
And a good portion of the 6 are best buddies and/or significant others (includes side pieces of both genders) and/or relatives and/or children of management, who are worthless as employees, but given higher pay, more advantages, and promotions that were genuinely earned by employees without the “connections” that nepotism provides—-while the other 3 do all the work and get nothing, not even a thank you, from management. Because management is looking after and sucking up to the nepo hires, and don’t give a fat rat’s a*s about the employees who are the ones who REALLY make the company profitable. The nepos don’t contribute s**t to profits, have no clue how to do the work, and will never come up with anything but stupid ideas that will only lose money but will be hailed by the “suits” as smart, perfect, and worth yet another undeserved raise and promotion. Some may even steal the truly good idea of an employee without connections, out their name to it and present it without really understanding it, and earn all the glory, without ever mentioning the name of the employee who really thought it up and thought it through, of course. Though the nepos’ overinflated egos may prompt them to proclaim themselves to be “wunderkins” because their connections told them they are, they’re far Far FAR from it.
Load More Replies... Higgleton 2 years ago
Corporate math is my wife being passed for promotion due to inexperience but then being expected to cover manager role while they spend months trying to hire. They then finally hire someone who doesn't know what they're doing and she's expected to train the new manager on how to do their job.
Sunny Day 2 years ago
Corporate math is - personally visiting each branch of your company to explain that times are tough and layoffs are coming - and flying between said branches in your private jet. (True story)
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Or developing a WAY overinflated ego, buying a private jet, moving to a way too big and expensive office, hiring a large number of new salespeople and expecting support staff to cater to their every whim and take all the customer complaint calls when the salesperson promised way more than could ever be realistically delivered for the lower than rock bottom price they sold the package for “to free up the sales staff so they could concentrate on selling more” (basically, salespeople were let off the hook for servicing their accounts), and wasting profits on other unnecessary high dollar c**p, because your ego wants to attract investors and go public with your moderately successful company long Long LONG before it’s anywhere near ready for that—-and only manage to bankrupt your company and end up having to sell it really cheap to a major competitor, who then fires your entire staff and erases your name from the company history. True story.
Load More Replies... P.A. Yearsley 2 years ago
I'm living in corporate math hell. The bank I work for has lost all of it's system experts. I expect the consent order from the reserve is about to become fines and penalties.
Marcellus II 2 years ago
It starts from "our company will guarantee you a baby in five months, because one woman needs 9months for one so we will run our team of five and will get the job done in 4.5months with 2weeks to spare" and then doesn't hire more than one woman to do the project; but they do hire two women for HR and a male project manager and general manager.
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
Corporate math is saying the pay range for a job is $15-25/hr but only hiring at $15/hr and you can work your way up to $25 by the time you retire.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Ten cents at a time, but only IF they feel like giving out raises.
Load More Replies... VioletHunter 2 years ago
Why do TikTokers always stick their entire face into the screen for these videos?
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
I just ended up scrolling down laughing at the ugly expressions
Load More Replies... Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
Re the people who commented on Robyn's video:
CueFilm - And the CEO's nephew is probably an imbecile.
Shannon - Corporate-...78de11.jpg
Sara Wilson 2 years ago
Corporate math = hey! Record breaking profits! Great job everyone! But we can't afford to give u raises this year. We r spending $25m redoing our logo instead
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