Man Breaks Wife’s Kitchen Rules To Include Mom’s Favorite Meal In Celebration, Family Drama Ensues
Traditional meals associated with festivities such as Thanksgiving are often meant to reinforce the community feeling and demonstrate that nobody was left out. For this reason, not considering the preferences of other family members might sometimes prove to work against the initial goal of the celebration.
At least such was this Redditor’s stance when his wife wished to have every detail dictated by the most common Thanksgiving tradition and refused to include the only meal her husband’s mother likes to eat on Thanksgiving, resulting in the man cooking it himself so that his mom would come and enjoy the celebration as well.
More info: Reddit
A man’s wife agreed to invite his mom for Thanksgiving, yet refused to include her favorite meal, forcing him to prepare it
Image credits: Steven Lilley (not the actual photo)
The man’s wife likes to have all the food during the celebrations made following certain customs, exactly the way she likes it
Image credits: Alarmed-Delay-1926
The man’s mom has always cooked both turkey and ham for Thanksgiving, yet only ate ham
Image credits: Askar Abayev (not the actual photo)
This year the man wished to invite his mom for Thanksgiving, to which his wife agreed, yet insisted on not including ham
A man brought it to the Reddit AITA community online after he disagreed with his wife about whether they should include his mom’s beloved ham in the celebration, asking if he was a jerk to do so against his wife’s wishes.
The man explained that his wife cares a lot about things being done the “proper” way, which usually means following the tradition closely. This became a problem when one year, the man’s mother wished to celebrate Thanksgiving with her son’s family.
The man asked his wife if it would be okay if he invited his mom for Thanksgiving. The man’s wife agreed; however, she insisted that there would be no ham, as the man’s mother has always cooked both turkey and ham for Thanksgiving since his childhood, yet she would only eat ham.
The mother even offered to cook and bring the ham herself, yet when the man checked with his wife, the woman freaked out, claiming the man’s mom couldn’t cook anything. Then he suggested his wife cook it, which resulted in him being yelled at.
At this point, the man asked his mom to come, promising her there would be ham in the celebration. The man bought the ham and told his wife he would be cooking it and it wasn’t up for discussion.
The man’s wife was disappointed, bringing their daughter into the fight, so the man ended up guarding the ham for a few hours before his mom’s arrival.
The man asked his mom to come for Thanksgiving and promised her there would be ham
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
The man disappointed his wife by bringing home a ham and ended up guarding it for a few hours before his mom’s arrival
The Redditors judged the man was not the jerk in this situation. The most upvoted comment suggested the original poster “tell his wife to grow up”, while another commenter emphasized the difference in the mom’s and the wife’s approach, as the mom would cook the turkey for everyone and ham for herself, not suggesting that nobody can have turkey as the man’s wife did with any alternative preferences, and possibly even having a similar sense of tradition as the man’s wife feels for turkey.
According to the study by Lin T. Humphrey, the context, explanations, or apologies that tend to accompany the presentation of foods referred to as traditional have to do with certain values and common expectations associated with them.
Humphrey was researching the traditional foods shared by his students and noticed that such recipes often included certain connections or references to the family, in addition to some being understood as an initiation or a bonding device.
What’s your take on the situation? Please, share your thoughts in the comment section below!
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
Image credits: Monstera Production (not the actual photo)
The ham thing was bad enough, considering that mom was planning on cooking it, and bringing it herself. A normal, and reasonable thing to do on holidays. But, when I read that the wife made her eat a pizza on the side of the road, just because she didn't like her choice of toppings. Or, the part about mom, arguing about what SHE wears in pictures?! Implying, that wifey poo, tells other adults what to wear, and they just go along with it. The wife, sounds like a very controlling, completely unreasonable, person.
Your wife is a selfish woman who should be ashamed of herself and it looks like she is raising your daughter to be the same way.
NTA. Extra points to your wife for being the AH by involving your daughter.
Perhaps Mum just wanted someone on her side. Doesn't sound like the daughter needed any persuading re 'grandma'.
Load More Replies...I sense rigidity here that reeks of insecurity. Wife needs therapy. So does mom, but in separate locations.
There's just so much wrong here it's hard to know where to start. Perhaps the most shocking thing was the husband being told by his wife he's not allowed to cook because it's her job. WTF? Which century are they living in?
Or childish wifey refusing to allow certain pizzas in their house because she doesn’t want or like it even though someone else obviously does like it and paid for it themselves. SMH
Load More Replies...I was really into this until I read the part about the mom getting the broken chair. If this is on the level, he needs his @ss kicked as well. Give mom YOUR chair and you sit on the broken one. Dumb@ss.
You have the right idea, but alone this will probably be spun as taking sides. Elevate it by condemning the behavior of both parties. The winner is the one who acts like an adult first.
Load More Replies...Being stuck between two control freaks sounds like an absolute nightmare.
Two control freaks that apparently behave like children to get their way
Load More Replies...Part of being a couple is understanding your partner has had a life before you. I was a clean freak. He was not. I'm a small group person, he has a huge family. We have conversations like Me: The counter clutter has made me tense. Can any of this go? Him: on it. Him: I know my family's gatherings are chaotic. Do you want Thanksgiving or Christmas. Me: unfortunately, both will require green bean casserole (ick) but I'll do whichever you want. We're not the boss of each other. We're partners. I will die on the hill of him doing Korean chicken wings in the house. I can't bear the smell.
Why invite guests if you're going to force them to eat what you want them to?
Hmmm I think that's what hosting is though. Guests shouldn't treat a person's home like a restaurant. However, I don't think it's wrong to ask to bring something. Honestly though the whole family sounds like a drama fest
Load More Replies...This was such a weird story. If it's real, OP sounds like he's stuck between two differently abusive relationships, and isn't seeing it. There's just no way his wife's rigidly controlling attitude is focused solely on his mom.
Hate to say it. I had to read again and he calls his mom a spoiled brat. And while that may typically be how she behaves, in this instance the spoiled brats are his wife and awful daughter. He’s allowed his wife to raise dd into a mini mom who hates grandma. There is nothing remotely spoiled about her wanting her favorite food just like everyone else. I mean, here for Christmas, we gathered at my parents house this year (easier on my mom due to her Parkinson’s) and my son requested Mac and cheese for dinner. My dad, the family cook for over 42 years since he’s more talented in this area, made Mac and cheese but left out my favorite mashed potatoes. I laughed with everyone and told my adult son it’s his fault I didn’t have potatoes. But I was completely and obviously lightly ribbing my son. And then I ate what was before me and made sure to thank my parents. Should note the Mac and cheese was scratch made and he made one with jalapeños and one without. It was amazing and yum.
Man the wife would hate to come to my house for Christmas...we do themed meals and not the "traditional" meals lol
Your wife is psycho. Sadly I say it's time to move on. You can't live like this and no one should. It's not just about a ham. Your wife and daughter are disturbed and disturbing. Not to.mention disgusting.
If the wife is forcing all guests to eat only what she likes, why does she have guests at all? They clearly don't matter. The wife is a control freak and I feel sorry for their child.
I have a feeling considering the way its written and information given. Wife isnt forcing ALL guests to only eat what she likes; but rather refusing to let her MIL have what she likes.
Load More Replies...I'm on the mums side of this. Sounds like she wants a thing if it's not there she's not coming fair enough. Even willing to make it or pay for it herself. Honestly she should throw her son and DIL away.
Why throw the son away? He made the ham and protected it from crazy wife and min crazy daughter.
Load More Replies...How weird. We always have ham and turkey on Thanksgiving and Christmas - my SIL's family is Muslim, so we don't take it to their house. But when we have the celebrations at our house, we separate food based on dietary requirements... otherwise, why gaf what someone else eats. I don't think I could eat looking at someone with an entire tree sticking out their a*s!
If the hosting home is Kosher, I would side with the wife. But this is just selfish and absurd.
Ok, that would make since, but they do eat ham on Christmas and Easter. So not only do the eat ham that is never Kosher, but celebrate 2 Christian holidays.
Load More Replies...The wife is a b***h.. and if the child is his... He shouldn't let his wife wepanise is daughter agaist her grandmother... He can defend his wife if the Mother is disrespectful but letting his wife disrespect his mother. To the point that she as to eat a pizza in the street. And use a child as a weapon. He is dormat and wife is a real b***h!!!
I read some of the comments & some said the same as me… both of these bit€hs are entitled, petty, small minded & vindictive. None of those are in any way good traits & the OP should be very sad he’s in a relationship with either one. In this situation I would have said this to OP’s wife: “Now let me get this straight, you are demanding that my mother doesn’t get ham…even though you do not have to shop for or buy it, you do not have to dress it or cook it, it won’t even take up space, or be near your turkey & oven. Not to mention she rarely comes to dinner here anymore so it’s not a regular thing for you to deal with, as well as mentioning sabotage & seating her in a broken chair. All correct so far? You do know that any decent adult would call that juvenile & petty & entitled & call you a very low class evil human being for admitting that & I personally am appalled to realize just the kind of person I’m married to. Excuse, I have some things to think about.
The wife is immature and rude when rubbing it off on the daughter. For one, teach your kid to respect elders, especially her grandmother. Your wife is a very bad host. If my MOl was coming and did not eat turkey but wanted ham and even said she would make it, you make the damn ham. MIL is a guest. Ham is easy. Then you give your guest a borken chair, to make it worse you gave an elderly woman a broken chair. I wouldn't have done this even as a 3 uear old. I say that because 3 years old is as far back as I can remember. We are an Italian family and would be extremely embarrassed to be a bad host or want to hurt an elderly person. I would smack my kid's teeth out for being horrible, disrespecting an elderly person like that. WTF!!! I am a leanannt mom with a lot but shurw the hell not with that. Your wife and child need to work on personal development. The grandmother isn't the most mature either but damn, the mom and daughter knock it out of the park there.
Wow...the problems some people create are astonishing. Imagine throwing such a tantrum because of specific food..
Esh. Wife and mom both fighting for the attention and the kid with no backbone to stand up to either one.
All three women and daughter are awful people. Not allowed to order certain type of pizza. Not allowed to cook and bring her own ham. wtf???
Just putting this out there, the wife is definitely not the kind of hostess that I would even be comfortable with. Who doesn't offer any kind of flexibility at all? So sad, stuck in their own little world.
ESH. Wife is petty and a bad hostess. Mother is childish. Husband/son is immature and shouldn't be taking sides or allowing them to involve his child.
What a ridiculous argument. There's nothing wrong with including a ham, especially since it did not impact anything else the wife was making. My husband frequently tosses a ham in a slow cooker when I'm making other food, either because somebody wants ham, somebody doesn't like the meal choice, or because you never know when things will go sideways. It's not a big deal. This wife sounds controlling and unreasonable.
I started thinking the wife is TA, but on reading the dude's responses, it's not about the ham. At all. MIL is clearly also an a*****e who likes to start s**t, and both of them seem to like being a******s to each other. Guy needs to just let them hate each other, and dodge as well as he can.
I think your mom was right to begin with - you CAN do better, the woman you married is a creepy person.
My grandmother always made everyone's favorite dish at Thanksgiving and we always had turkey, ham and fried chicken. My grandmother made the best fried chicken and only made it for the holidays. It's crazy to me that your wife is mad about ham. Your wife just doesn't like your mother. I feel bad for you it's like that.
My goodness! Could we be a little bit more pettier than that? Who cares if ham and/or turkey are served? Talk about controlling and power-hungry women. Now, the mother is teaching the daughter to be like her? Those two need to grow-up.
OP your not THA but you seriously need to get your wife and mother in to separate therapy! And your wife is turning your daughter into being like mom! You all need to grow up and act like f**king adults!
What's the big deal, my family usually cooks both Turkey and ham for both Thankgiving and Christmas. Except this Christmas we decided to do an Italian dinner instead. Lasagna Parmesan roasted veggies. It was delicious.
We always had both... there are no laws governing how you celebrate Thanksgiving. My brother became a pescatarian and we do something different for him too. Recently, we all realizing we were tired of turkey and started making a pot roast. It's about the family and giving thanks, and enjoying the meal. Why force someone to eat something they don't like on a day like that???
We always had ham and turkey especially because we all liked making sandwiches the week after!. I was lucky, my mom got along pretty well with my Grandma and would just accommodate rather than create an issue. We would all laugh later at Grandma's wants. I am always amazed how petty families can be. Some of us were taught to get along I guess
Wtf did I just read. Seriously is there a single adult woman in this poor guys life. They are all petty, childish, awful, stupid people.
So many real problems in the world and these two doofuses are fighting over ham. First world problems for sure and I'm glad I don't know either of them.
This isn't about Ham. Surely you realise that? Stop giving into your mother's controlling behaviour and support your wife.
it can just as easily be: Stop giving into your wife's controlling behaviour and support your mother.
Load More Replies...Considering the mother said her son can do better when meeting her daughter in law for the first time, I don't think the wife is the a*****e here. Besides, if you get invited but want dinner your way - that's not totally normal either.
Mummy was clearly correct, the wife is a demented controlling b***h.
Load More Replies...The ham thing was bad enough, considering that mom was planning on cooking it, and bringing it herself. A normal, and reasonable thing to do on holidays. But, when I read that the wife made her eat a pizza on the side of the road, just because she didn't like her choice of toppings. Or, the part about mom, arguing about what SHE wears in pictures?! Implying, that wifey poo, tells other adults what to wear, and they just go along with it. The wife, sounds like a very controlling, completely unreasonable, person.
Your wife is a selfish woman who should be ashamed of herself and it looks like she is raising your daughter to be the same way.
NTA. Extra points to your wife for being the AH by involving your daughter.
Perhaps Mum just wanted someone on her side. Doesn't sound like the daughter needed any persuading re 'grandma'.
Load More Replies...I sense rigidity here that reeks of insecurity. Wife needs therapy. So does mom, but in separate locations.
There's just so much wrong here it's hard to know where to start. Perhaps the most shocking thing was the husband being told by his wife he's not allowed to cook because it's her job. WTF? Which century are they living in?
Or childish wifey refusing to allow certain pizzas in their house because she doesn’t want or like it even though someone else obviously does like it and paid for it themselves. SMH
Load More Replies...I was really into this until I read the part about the mom getting the broken chair. If this is on the level, he needs his @ss kicked as well. Give mom YOUR chair and you sit on the broken one. Dumb@ss.
You have the right idea, but alone this will probably be spun as taking sides. Elevate it by condemning the behavior of both parties. The winner is the one who acts like an adult first.
Load More Replies...Being stuck between two control freaks sounds like an absolute nightmare.
Two control freaks that apparently behave like children to get their way
Load More Replies...Part of being a couple is understanding your partner has had a life before you. I was a clean freak. He was not. I'm a small group person, he has a huge family. We have conversations like Me: The counter clutter has made me tense. Can any of this go? Him: on it. Him: I know my family's gatherings are chaotic. Do you want Thanksgiving or Christmas. Me: unfortunately, both will require green bean casserole (ick) but I'll do whichever you want. We're not the boss of each other. We're partners. I will die on the hill of him doing Korean chicken wings in the house. I can't bear the smell.
Why invite guests if you're going to force them to eat what you want them to?
Hmmm I think that's what hosting is though. Guests shouldn't treat a person's home like a restaurant. However, I don't think it's wrong to ask to bring something. Honestly though the whole family sounds like a drama fest
Load More Replies...This was such a weird story. If it's real, OP sounds like he's stuck between two differently abusive relationships, and isn't seeing it. There's just no way his wife's rigidly controlling attitude is focused solely on his mom.
Hate to say it. I had to read again and he calls his mom a spoiled brat. And while that may typically be how she behaves, in this instance the spoiled brats are his wife and awful daughter. He’s allowed his wife to raise dd into a mini mom who hates grandma. There is nothing remotely spoiled about her wanting her favorite food just like everyone else. I mean, here for Christmas, we gathered at my parents house this year (easier on my mom due to her Parkinson’s) and my son requested Mac and cheese for dinner. My dad, the family cook for over 42 years since he’s more talented in this area, made Mac and cheese but left out my favorite mashed potatoes. I laughed with everyone and told my adult son it’s his fault I didn’t have potatoes. But I was completely and obviously lightly ribbing my son. And then I ate what was before me and made sure to thank my parents. Should note the Mac and cheese was scratch made and he made one with jalapeños and one without. It was amazing and yum.
Man the wife would hate to come to my house for Christmas...we do themed meals and not the "traditional" meals lol
Your wife is psycho. Sadly I say it's time to move on. You can't live like this and no one should. It's not just about a ham. Your wife and daughter are disturbed and disturbing. Not to.mention disgusting.
If the wife is forcing all guests to eat only what she likes, why does she have guests at all? They clearly don't matter. The wife is a control freak and I feel sorry for their child.
I have a feeling considering the way its written and information given. Wife isnt forcing ALL guests to only eat what she likes; but rather refusing to let her MIL have what she likes.
Load More Replies...I'm on the mums side of this. Sounds like she wants a thing if it's not there she's not coming fair enough. Even willing to make it or pay for it herself. Honestly she should throw her son and DIL away.
Why throw the son away? He made the ham and protected it from crazy wife and min crazy daughter.
Load More Replies...How weird. We always have ham and turkey on Thanksgiving and Christmas - my SIL's family is Muslim, so we don't take it to their house. But when we have the celebrations at our house, we separate food based on dietary requirements... otherwise, why gaf what someone else eats. I don't think I could eat looking at someone with an entire tree sticking out their a*s!
If the hosting home is Kosher, I would side with the wife. But this is just selfish and absurd.
Ok, that would make since, but they do eat ham on Christmas and Easter. So not only do the eat ham that is never Kosher, but celebrate 2 Christian holidays.
Load More Replies...The wife is a b***h.. and if the child is his... He shouldn't let his wife wepanise is daughter agaist her grandmother... He can defend his wife if the Mother is disrespectful but letting his wife disrespect his mother. To the point that she as to eat a pizza in the street. And use a child as a weapon. He is dormat and wife is a real b***h!!!
I read some of the comments & some said the same as me… both of these bit€hs are entitled, petty, small minded & vindictive. None of those are in any way good traits & the OP should be very sad he’s in a relationship with either one. In this situation I would have said this to OP’s wife: “Now let me get this straight, you are demanding that my mother doesn’t get ham…even though you do not have to shop for or buy it, you do not have to dress it or cook it, it won’t even take up space, or be near your turkey & oven. Not to mention she rarely comes to dinner here anymore so it’s not a regular thing for you to deal with, as well as mentioning sabotage & seating her in a broken chair. All correct so far? You do know that any decent adult would call that juvenile & petty & entitled & call you a very low class evil human being for admitting that & I personally am appalled to realize just the kind of person I’m married to. Excuse, I have some things to think about.
The wife is immature and rude when rubbing it off on the daughter. For one, teach your kid to respect elders, especially her grandmother. Your wife is a very bad host. If my MOl was coming and did not eat turkey but wanted ham and even said she would make it, you make the damn ham. MIL is a guest. Ham is easy. Then you give your guest a borken chair, to make it worse you gave an elderly woman a broken chair. I wouldn't have done this even as a 3 uear old. I say that because 3 years old is as far back as I can remember. We are an Italian family and would be extremely embarrassed to be a bad host or want to hurt an elderly person. I would smack my kid's teeth out for being horrible, disrespecting an elderly person like that. WTF!!! I am a leanannt mom with a lot but shurw the hell not with that. Your wife and child need to work on personal development. The grandmother isn't the most mature either but damn, the mom and daughter knock it out of the park there.
Wow...the problems some people create are astonishing. Imagine throwing such a tantrum because of specific food..
Esh. Wife and mom both fighting for the attention and the kid with no backbone to stand up to either one.
All three women and daughter are awful people. Not allowed to order certain type of pizza. Not allowed to cook and bring her own ham. wtf???
Just putting this out there, the wife is definitely not the kind of hostess that I would even be comfortable with. Who doesn't offer any kind of flexibility at all? So sad, stuck in their own little world.
ESH. Wife is petty and a bad hostess. Mother is childish. Husband/son is immature and shouldn't be taking sides or allowing them to involve his child.
What a ridiculous argument. There's nothing wrong with including a ham, especially since it did not impact anything else the wife was making. My husband frequently tosses a ham in a slow cooker when I'm making other food, either because somebody wants ham, somebody doesn't like the meal choice, or because you never know when things will go sideways. It's not a big deal. This wife sounds controlling and unreasonable.
I started thinking the wife is TA, but on reading the dude's responses, it's not about the ham. At all. MIL is clearly also an a*****e who likes to start s**t, and both of them seem to like being a******s to each other. Guy needs to just let them hate each other, and dodge as well as he can.
I think your mom was right to begin with - you CAN do better, the woman you married is a creepy person.
My grandmother always made everyone's favorite dish at Thanksgiving and we always had turkey, ham and fried chicken. My grandmother made the best fried chicken and only made it for the holidays. It's crazy to me that your wife is mad about ham. Your wife just doesn't like your mother. I feel bad for you it's like that.
My goodness! Could we be a little bit more pettier than that? Who cares if ham and/or turkey are served? Talk about controlling and power-hungry women. Now, the mother is teaching the daughter to be like her? Those two need to grow-up.
OP your not THA but you seriously need to get your wife and mother in to separate therapy! And your wife is turning your daughter into being like mom! You all need to grow up and act like f**king adults!
What's the big deal, my family usually cooks both Turkey and ham for both Thankgiving and Christmas. Except this Christmas we decided to do an Italian dinner instead. Lasagna Parmesan roasted veggies. It was delicious.
We always had both... there are no laws governing how you celebrate Thanksgiving. My brother became a pescatarian and we do something different for him too. Recently, we all realizing we were tired of turkey and started making a pot roast. It's about the family and giving thanks, and enjoying the meal. Why force someone to eat something they don't like on a day like that???
We always had ham and turkey especially because we all liked making sandwiches the week after!. I was lucky, my mom got along pretty well with my Grandma and would just accommodate rather than create an issue. We would all laugh later at Grandma's wants. I am always amazed how petty families can be. Some of us were taught to get along I guess
Wtf did I just read. Seriously is there a single adult woman in this poor guys life. They are all petty, childish, awful, stupid people.
So many real problems in the world and these two doofuses are fighting over ham. First world problems for sure and I'm glad I don't know either of them.
This isn't about Ham. Surely you realise that? Stop giving into your mother's controlling behaviour and support your wife.
it can just as easily be: Stop giving into your wife's controlling behaviour and support your mother.
Load More Replies...Considering the mother said her son can do better when meeting her daughter in law for the first time, I don't think the wife is the a*****e here. Besides, if you get invited but want dinner your way - that's not totally normal either.
Mummy was clearly correct, the wife is a demented controlling b***h.
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