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Dinner Offer Comes With Conditions, SIL Rebels, Uses Kids To Shame Host Into Paying Full Price
Interview With ExpertThe thing about family gatherings is that they can bring out the best and worst in us. While they’re often a time for connection and laughter, they can also highlight other issues when money, parenting styles, and differing values come into play.
The story shared by today’s Original Poster (OP) touches on something many people experience but rarely talk about openly: what happens when generosity is taken for granted and how subtle manipulation creeps into family dynamics.
More info: Reddit
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Spending time with family can be heartwarming, but also unexpectedly tense when small decisions turn into big disagreements
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author and their spouse were hosting a casual family gathering, offering snacks and a light lunch while spending time with the kids
Image credits: ironingboardssqueak
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
As dinner time neared, the sister-in-law pushed to eat earlier than planned, despite a better deal being available at 6 p.m.
Image credits: ironingboardssqueak
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Shortly after, her children suddenly claimed they were starving, which the author suspected was a manipulation tactic to sway the timing
Image credits: ironingboardssqueak
They then called out their sister-in-law for using her kids emotionally, to which the sister-in-law told them they shouldn’t have offered to host the dinner
The day started out innocently enough. The OP and their spouse were hosting their in-laws for a casual afternoon. Chalk art with the kids, light snacks, and easy conversation filled the time. However, as dinner time loomed, the OP suggested waiting until a bit later to use a valuable dinner coupon, one that would nearly halve the total meal cost.
The sister-in-law disagreed with the wait and, soon after, the kids came running in, clutching their bellies and saying that they were hungry. The performance was clearly coached, and the OP guessed this because just a few minutes earlier, they’d been perfectly content.
Feeling exasperated, the OP snapped, accusing the sister-in-law of using her children to manipulate them. Unsurprisingly, this didn’t go over well. The sister-in-law snapped back, implying that if the OP couldn’t afford dinner, they shouldn’t have offered to pay in the first place.
To better understand the family dynamics at play, Bored Panda spoke with psychotherapist Mvumbi Kumbu, who confirmed that it’s “quite common for adults to unintentionally use children to express their own needs in family situations.” He explained that children are often seen as neutral messengers, making it easier for adults to communicate indirectly through them.
He explained that it places an unfair emotional load on the children, who can become confused and stressed by handling issues beyond their maturity level. Kumbu also emphasized the importance of adults recognizing this pattern and instead fostering direct and open communication.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
We also asked how one can tell the difference between genuine distress and emotional manipulation, especially when children are involved, to which he said, “Genuine distress usually comes with consistent, clear expressions of feelings and needs, and the person is open to dialogue and finding solutions.”
In contrast, he highlighted that emotional manipulation often involves subtle pressure, guilt-tripping, or using others, like children, to influence outcomes indirectly or avoid responsibility.
Regarding how to set and maintain boundaries during family gatherings, particularly around money and time, Kumbu advised starting with “transparent, honest communication”. He recommended calmly sharing limits in advance, such as how long you can realistically dedicate and what financial support you’re able to provide.
Framing it positively, like telling them you’re looking forward to a good time and letting them know what you can offer or the reality of things, would go a long way. He also added that consistency is key, stating that “if you set a time or budget limit, gently remind your family if things start to drift.”
Ultimately, he explained that “boundaries aren’t about shutting people out but protecting your energy and resources so everyone can enjoy the time together.”
Netizens were slightly divided, but many agreed the OP wasn’t entirely in the wrong. They defended their financial reasoning but stressed that better planning, like providing a proper lunch, could’ve avoided the conflict altogether. On the flip side, some thought the OP was being rigid or even dishonest, labeling them as the bigger problem.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the sister-in-law was really being manipulative, or just overwhelmed by her kids? We would love to know your thoughts!
While some netizens maintained that the author wasn’t wrong for calling their sister-in-law out, others insisted that there was a chance her kids were indeed hungry
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What do you think ?
Squirrelly Panda 5 months ago
OP had snacks. Kids could've had some nuts and fruit to tide them over. So could the adults.
Mike F 5 months ago
I've never met a kid who would not rather "graze" on the snacks than eat a meal, unless the meal was chicken nuggets, lol.
Load More Replies...
Mel in Georgia 5 months ago
I've been seeing that kids are being given the power to tell everyone when to eat. "I'm hungry!" is a demand no one is allowed to deny. Growing up, I knew dinner was around 6. If I got hungry I had a small snack or just, you know, waited? Somehow I didn't die. Kids are not taught to accommodate groups and families. There's a reason for the level of entitlement these days. End rant - oh wait - get off my lawn!
Tabitha 5 months ago (edited)
Nah, SIL got her kids to overact like they were starving to death, hoping OP would cave and get stuck with a $100 more expensive dinner bill than waiting 45 minutes. I would’ve told SIL if she HAS to eat early, then she’s ALSO going to eat the extra $100. Let them go and pay full price, and OP and partner join them 45 minutes later to get the coupon price. They’re OP’s guests. They’re not the ones organizing and paying for everyone. They do NOT get to dictate when dinner will be served.
Petra Peitsch 5 months ago
NEVER EVER PAY FOR CHOOSING BEGGARS! Disrespectful arsehole is the SIL, and the whole part of her family.
Robert Beveridge 5 months ago
Next time you deal with this person, make sure you specify everything (like your offer to pay for dinner being contingent upon it happening at or after a specific time). CYA isn't only for lawyers. (Or, as they say, when you think you've communicated enough, you're about halfway there.)
Ms.GB 5 months ago
I would've just said I'll be happy to pay for dinner after 6 but if we go before you guys are on your own."
Load More Replies... Beth Wheeler 5 months ago
Since when are sandwiches not a normal lunch??? I guess entitled SIL expected them to cook instead of what they got which 99.9% of people are happy with. You can wait until 6:00 or go buy your own supper!
SaladSpinnerDeux 5 months ago (edited)
BBQ! Feed the visiting family a large meal at midday. The earlier you feed them, the earlier they leave!!! "Would you like a coffee before you leave or are you on your way? " (This is after eating and visiting for hours, not grazing. Then it's time for a nap.)
Gianna B D 5 months ago
Typical pandas. So gullible. Y'all really believe that a restaurant (which would probably have a razor thin margin) would be handing out 60% off coupons? And that said coupons would only be good at a time when restaurants tend to be busy? Y'all are buying this?
The Starsong Princess 5 months ago
Here’s how we react when the kids say they are hungry and start being difficult “Here’s a cracker to tide you over. Dinner is at six.” Always have lots of food at family events, people are quieter when their mouth is full.
Squirrelly Panda 5 months ago
OP had snacks. Kids could've had some nuts and fruit to tide them over. So could the adults.
Mike F 5 months ago
I've never met a kid who would not rather "graze" on the snacks than eat a meal, unless the meal was chicken nuggets, lol.
Load More Replies... Mel in Georgia 5 months ago
I've been seeing that kids are being given the power to tell everyone when to eat. "I'm hungry!" is a demand no one is allowed to deny. Growing up, I knew dinner was around 6. If I got hungry I had a small snack or just, you know, waited? Somehow I didn't die. Kids are not taught to accommodate groups and families. There's a reason for the level of entitlement these days. End rant - oh wait - get off my lawn!
Tabitha 5 months ago (edited)
Nah, SIL got her kids to overact like they were starving to death, hoping OP would cave and get stuck with a $100 more expensive dinner bill than waiting 45 minutes. I would’ve told SIL if she HAS to eat early, then she’s ALSO going to eat the extra $100. Let them go and pay full price, and OP and partner join them 45 minutes later to get the coupon price. They’re OP’s guests. They’re not the ones organizing and paying for everyone. They do NOT get to dictate when dinner will be served.
Petra Peitsch 5 months ago
NEVER EVER PAY FOR CHOOSING BEGGARS! Disrespectful arsehole is the SIL, and the whole part of her family.
Robert Beveridge 5 months ago
Next time you deal with this person, make sure you specify everything (like your offer to pay for dinner being contingent upon it happening at or after a specific time). CYA isn't only for lawyers. (Or, as they say, when you think you've communicated enough, you're about halfway there.)
Ms.GB 5 months ago
I would've just said I'll be happy to pay for dinner after 6 but if we go before you guys are on your own."
Load More Replies... Beth Wheeler 5 months ago
Since when are sandwiches not a normal lunch??? I guess entitled SIL expected them to cook instead of what they got which 99.9% of people are happy with. You can wait until 6:00 or go buy your own supper!
SaladSpinnerDeux 5 months ago (edited)
BBQ! Feed the visiting family a large meal at midday. The earlier you feed them, the earlier they leave!!! "Would you like a coffee before you leave or are you on your way? " (This is after eating and visiting for hours, not grazing. Then it's time for a nap.)
Gianna B D 5 months ago
Typical pandas. So gullible. Y'all really believe that a restaurant (which would probably have a razor thin margin) would be handing out 60% off coupons? And that said coupons would only be good at a time when restaurants tend to be busy? Y'all are buying this?
The Starsong Princess 5 months ago
Here’s how we react when the kids say they are hungry and start being difficult “Here’s a cracker to tide you over. Dinner is at six.” Always have lots of food at family events, people are quieter when their mouth is full.
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