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“If Any Of You Are Thinking About Doing It, Don’t”: Cheaters Open Up About Life After Infidelity
When people enter a relationship, they usually hope for it to last. Though, unfortunately, not all stories end in the couple living happily ever after. Some end with the princess or the prince going to a different Kingdom far, far away, with someone resembling Lord Farquaad.
Sometimes, they do it for a reason — princes and princesses might find love elsewhere, even if it comes at the expense of others. In other times, they ruin whatever beautiful thing they had in the first place and are left with no loving partner, and no Lord on the side. When it comes to infidelity, there is no one way things tend to turn out.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community have recently delved deeper into the topic, after one user addressed the people in the group who’ve ever been unfaithful to their partners. The netizen wanted to know how life changed after they cheated, and people shared all kinds of stories, covering everything from happy endings to scenarios way less fairytale-like. If you want to read their firsthand accounts, scroll down to find them on the list below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with board-certified clinical psychologist and author of Letting Go of Your Ex, Dr. Cortney S. Warren.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I cheated. I left someone who loved me for someone else. And for a long time, I hated myself for it.
Not because I got caught, but because I *saw* the damage I did. The trust I shattered. The way I made someone question their worth, when the truth was—I was the broken one.
I didn’t cheat because my partner wasn’t enough. She was kind, loyal, and gave everything she had. I cheated because *I* didn’t feel enough. I was emotionally immature, uncomfortable with vulnerability, and instead of facing our problems, I escaped into a new connection that made me feel temporarily seen, wanted, powerful.
Cheating felt like a shortcut to a version of myself I didn’t know how to become honestly. And for a moment, it worked. But then the shame came—and the realization that I had hurt someone who only wanted to love me.
To those who’ve been cheated on: It wasn’t your fault. You were *not* lacking. Often, cheating is about the cheater running from themselves, not running from you. And I hope you never carry someone else’s wounds as your own reflection.
To those who’ve cheated: You are still worthy of redemption. You have to own what you did, without minimizing it. Sit with the pain you caused. Learn to stop seeing people as escape hatches from your own discomfort. Only then can you begin to change.
I’m not proud of what I did. But I’ve done the work since then. Therapy. Hard conversations. Sitting in the fire instead of fleeing it. I’ve learned how to love with presence instead of performance. I’ve learned how to *stay.*
No one should be defined by their worst moment forever. But we do have to let that moment shape who we become next.
RELATED:
#2
I was in a 4 year relationship (engaged for 3 years) with someone who wanted to completely control me but give nothing to the relationship. Never listened when I voiced my unhappiness, or promised the world and never delivered. I'd tried to leave a few times, and he'd put on the tears and the guilt, say things like everyone always left him. Threatened to end himself.
Was also the kind of dude that hardly ever wanted physical intimacy which left me feeling completely ugly, but then when we did want it, he'd force it even if I didn't want it. He controlled me mentally, emotionally, physically and financially.
I went downstage for 3 weeks to visit my family. I begged him to come, even offering to pay for everything. He flat put refused saying he hated the city and my family.
I was there over Christmas and new years, and ended up going to my friend's new years party where I met a guy. Immediately disclosed my relationship. We got talking and he was really easy to talk to despite us just meeting. I expressed sadness about how my partner never wanted to do anything and how I wouldn't be getting a new years kiss. He said he didn't want to leave me disappointed.
That kiss led to a week's affair. We kept meeting up, and it quickly became physical. I decided regardless what happened with me and the new guy, my engagement was done. I wasn't in love with him. When I eventually went back home, I broke up with him, told him why. He beat me and screamed at me, calling me every name he could. I get it. I deserved it. We both sucked.
I eventually married my affair partner, and we're still together and very strong 10 years later. We have a kid. No regrets. I've never strayed from him because he actually gives a s**t about me.
Elisabet Larsen 1 week ago (edited)
You didn't deserve to be beat up. You were not a bad person that sucked. You fell in love and returned to end it with your controlling fiance. He would have beat you up and screamed at you when you ended it. Even with no other guy in the picture.
#3
I was an alcoholic and overall terrible person. Never want to be that version of myself again.
When it comes to infidelity, there are as many stories as there are couples themselves: some people leave, others fight, some turn to counseling, while others move on as if nothing happened. This list clearly shows that there’s no one way such stories go.
But this time, we wanted to delve deeper into what it takes to save the relationship after infidelity occurs. We turned to board-certified clinical psychologist and author of Letting Go of Your Ex, Dr. Cortney S. Warren, who noted that while infidelity is one of the most common reasons that couples break up, whether or not the partners want to work through the affair and stay together really depends on the situation.
“Although it can feel bleak and insurmountable in the moment to stay together after an affair, it also offers a couple the opportunity to evaluate and change the way they relate to and see one another,” the expert noted. “Each partner is confronted with a choice: do you want to work to transform through this period to see whether you can build a new relationship together, or do you want to end it here?”
#4
I cheated simply because I used to be, frankly, a f*cking a**hole and only thought of myself.
I tried to justify why I did it and tried to blame her but in the end, I had control of my actions and knew what I was doing!
I thought I needed more attention, more love and more affection but all I did was break the heart of someone who supported me for 20+ years.
I should have manned up and just left instead of crushing her.
I’ll never forget what I’ve done and will for ever be a cheater!
I’m a far better person now and can 100% say I’ve changed but it will never take back what I’ve done!
#5
I was earning 3 times his salary, so I am basically wearing the pants in our relationship. My ex was spending his money with all his wants (new gadgets and clothes), basically his salary became his allowance. If he needed something, I will give him money, like when he needed a new phone, when he wanted to have brand new expensive clothes, I gave it to him without hesitation. This guy, who made me his sugar mom, had the audacity to verbally and physically abuse me whenever things won't go his way.
I cheated on him, with now my husband, who treated me way better than he could offer. I cheated on him with a man who has financial stability, which my ex never had.
I am not proud that I cheated on him, but I am happily married now and my ex is still where I left him. I dodged a bullet.
superfluous 1 week ago
Earning the most money in a relationship means you 'wear the pants'? Isn't that rather old fashioned thinking? Aren't people in a relationship partners? "Made me his sugar mom" doesn't line up with 'I gave it to him without hesitation" - she was obviously keeping score. They both dodged a bullet, they were incompatible.
The expert pointed out that certain important factors can affect a couple’s ability to recover after an affair, the first one being willingness to work together.
“The negative effects of infidelity on mental health are well documented. For example, most people feel betrayed, angry, anxious, depressed, and ashamed after learning that their partner is cheating. It’s also common for the cheater to feel guilty, depressed, and remorseful and have difficulty expressing what wasn’t working for them about their marriage because the affair itself is such a monumental event that can dominate discourse. If they want to stay together, each person must be willing to work through their own pain and experiences while striving to listen to, understand, and support the other through theirs, all with an eye towards what is in the best interest of their relationship moving forward,” Dr. Warren told Bored Panda.
#6
I’ve been on both sides, and honestly, it’s complicated. I was unhappy in my relationship but didn’t know how to communicate it at the time. I met someone else, and it felt like a spark I hadn’t felt in a long time. It wasn’t right, and looking back, I regret not being more honest and just ending things properly before starting something new.
Lila Allen 1 week ago
That's the part I just don't understand about cheating. If you're seriously unhappy and want out....just get out.
#7
I was 21, I was a dumb selfish kid. I was fighting with my boyfriend at the time. Went away for the weekend. Met this other guy and was immediately smitten. I couldn't reach my boyfriend at the time to end it, he was blocking my calls. I hooked up with this "other guy". Felt soul-crushing guilt, but also a connection that was hard to ignore.
Flash forward fourteen years. Ex is now a close friend, and "other guy" is my husband, we've been together ever since.
Yeah. Weird. Regretful on my part.
#8
I was bored. Not happy in the relationship, but too lazy, too afraid, too content to break up. Didn't receive any affection. An opportunity presented itself, everything was suddenly so exciting, so novel. I took a stab at it, worst case I could always fallback to my existing relationship, right?
I should have broken up long before that, but I was, and well, still am, a coward.
Another factor is atonement for being unfaithful. According to the expert, full and total responsibility for choosing to engage in an affair and sincere remorse for violating the marital boundaries are often essential to healing. “The cheater must be willing to see their cheating behavior, own it, and apologize for it. This generally includes cutting off contact with the extramarital lover.”
#9
This is my biggest regret in life.
I married my childhood girlfriend at 19. Bought a cabin and fixed it up, then a small brick house that was in the family. I'd never really dated anyone else and her family was very *very* racist/Southern Baptist in the strongest sense. She'd leave me on the weekends after I worked 56 hour weeks so I never spent much time with her during our brief marriage. Aside from this very insignificant issue, there was nothing terribly wrong. I was young and stupid.
At 23, met someone on a video game who was also married. Ended up meeting, fell for each other and both marriages fell apart when it was found out. Had a couple kids together, were together 10 years then...she cheated on me with a couple of guys, the main being someone she met in another MMO.
I lived with so much guilt and regret for hurting someone. It's still an issue. I like to think I got what I deserved because it hurt so badly losing my family due to her affair. I'd cry myself to sleep in the floor every night for months. I like to think my first wife that I hurt did the same and I was suffering as she did, as I deserved.
Some people cheat and continue to cheat through their lives. For me, it's a lesson I was given and *will never do again, no matter what. I'd take being boiled in oil over hurting someone like that again.*
If any of you are thinking about doing it, don't. It's not worth the damage to their soul or yours.
#10
She cheated on me, I found out when one her friends told me about it. I didn't let on I knew, stayed with her for a few weeks, then I cheated on her for revenge, told her immediately and then broke up with her. It did absolutely nothing for me and I regret ever doing it, I wish I had just kept the moral high ground.
Craig Reynolds 1 week ago
Did you tell the person you cheated with that you were in a relationship? If not, I can see why you were cheated on...
#11
Cheated on a boyfriend I had been with for 4 years. Married the guy I cheated with. My husband cheated on me with a literal teenager. Karma’s a b***h.
One more thing that can help couples heal the relationship after infidelity is dedication to change what wasn’t working. “Although the person having the affair is always responsible for their behavior, for a couple to stay together requires that each person is willing to examine their contribution to the relationship not working,” Dr. Warren said.
“For example, one or both partners may have avoided having a sexual relationship with their spouse, struggled to communicate their needs and desires openly, or felt bored or suffocated in their current relationship and wanted more excitement. The factors that contributed to marital discord and the affair itself must be unpacked and shifted to decrease the likelihood of it happening again.”
#12
He cheated first, then we agreed to an open relationship. Then he broke the rules of the open relationship 100x times, and continued basically cheating. I only stayed because I was a broke college student who couldn't afford rent alone.
Then prince charming randomly walked into my life, meeting up after work turned into dinner, drinks, and bareback.
The next day I broke up with my Ex.
I've been married to prince charming for 3 years now :).
Lila Allen 1 week ago
I'm not sure it counts as cheating if the relationship is agreed upon as open
#13
My Dad’s coworker who I’ll just call Jack, cheated on his wife. He comes from a religious family and the marriage was arranged between his and his wife’s parents. While the wife was fully involved in it the marriage, Jack despised the idea of his parents choosing who he will wed. He couldn’t leave because his wife was against divorce claiming it would make her look bad. But what finally opened his eyes was when his parents and in-laws started demanding he have kids and it made him realize that they were completely toxic and terrible. He cheated on his wife as a way for her to divorce him and moved across the country to where he lives now. 15 years later and 3 kids with his new wife who he is happily married to, he doesn’t regret a thing.
#14
My ex would threatened to unalive himself anytime I would attempt to leave him. He actually put himself in the hospital at my last attempt. I was miserable. He just kept love bombing me and threatening self harm to make me stay. I met someone who I clicked with and ended up cheating. Told my ex and he lost his s**t and broke up with me.
For a while he proceeded to stalk me and try to love bomb me again to get me back, but I refused him. I think he got the hint that we were never going to be together again when the guy I cheated with and I made it official. We’ve been together happily for 5 years now. Honestly I regret cheating, but I felt I had no other choice. If I could go back I would’ve stayed strong and firm when I tried leaving the first time
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 week ago
Does it count if you're in a hostage situation rather than a relationship?
Equally important to the aforementioned factors is the intention to forgive. Dr. Warren notes that while overcoming an affair is painful to the person who was cheated on, research suggests that forgiveness is a key component of moving on.
“Often a person who is cheated on feels intense rage and anger over the affair, sometimes leading them to punish and resent their spouse. To rebuild trust and connection, forgiveness of the past while setting new boundaries for the future is key.”
#15
PTSD fueled self destructive behaviour. Got into the rave scene, c*****e MDMA and k******e accelerated the issue. Stuck my d**k in crazy and fell into d**g induced infatuation. That didn't work out, obviously but I sperated from my partner and we lived apart for about a year. We still saw each other though and ended up getting her pregnant (something we had been trying for years).
Many years later we are still together, and still working through the damage, but good partners and great parents.
#16
Started as an innocent friendship at the gym. My husband hadn't touched me in two years constantly playing video games and refusing therapy. The trainer actually saw me valued me. After three months of fighting my feelings I left.
Lila Allen 1 week ago
I feel like this isn't a cheating story if she left when she realized she wanted out. Maybe emotional affair???
#17
Not me, but my mom. He cheated first, multiple times, with dudes. He’s a narcissistic a*****e so I’m glad he sort of got his comeuppance in that way. Also, I wouldn’t have been born lol.
Does it justify it? I’m not sure and I don’t care regardless. F**k him for what he put my mom through.
Lastly, the couple should put effort into reconnecting and reattaching. “Building positive, loving intimacy is key to moving forward. It may take time to want to be sexual and emotionally vulnerable again, but the goal is to come together again in a fulfilling way,” Dr. Warren said, adding that if both partners aren’t willing to work together to move forward, it’s unlikely that the relationship will survive in a healthy way.
#18
My ex was physically and emotionally a*****e. I was freshly 21 at the time and he was 26. It was my first serious relationship.
Before ending things with my ex, I met my now husband, who showed me what real love looked like from the moment we met.
This will be our 4th year married, 5 years together total, and we have a beautiful family. I could not be more thankful that my husband came into my life when he did. He is truly my best friend and the supreme love of my life.
Chris Keller 1 week ago
I have to wonder if this site is run by some weird cult, like born again Christians or something, the word censorship is one of the most bizarre things that I have ever seen.
#19
10 year relationship and I feel bad every day. I cheated cause I was unhappy. I wasn’t perfect either. I voiced it numerous times, things would get better but they’d still go back to the usual. I found another woman to confide in and a shoulder to cry on. She also cheated on her partner at the time. We were on and off for 18 months, just FWD style and then we tried to be a couple but that was a c*********k in itself.
COVID hit and I used the excuse of lockdowns not to see her again, thank f**k we were never living together.
Currently with someone else, together for 5 years with a baby in tow. I am happy now but occasionally get flashbacks to what i did and it turns my day. She didn’t deserve it. She’s much happier now with someone else and so am I.
#20
I cheated on my ex-husband. We should’ve never gotten married. There was infidelity from the start on his side. Then we got married and I found some repulsive s**t on his phone during our honeymoon (nearly 40 year old man hitting on 18 year olds via Snapchat. A girl we both worked with). After that I fell completely out of love with him and felt trapped.
I got close with a coworker who was in an unhappy marriage and we started screwing around. I spiraled after that. The following year was so traumatic. Eventually we separated and then I went down a dark path for a bit and almost ended up in a very similar relationship but a really good therapist helped me start piecing my life back together and then I met my now-fiancé and I knew that as I was, I wasn’t ready for the good thing he had to offer me so I made myself ready. Three years later we are engaged, no fighting or infidelity, so much love and stability, and I am just the most grateful woman in the world.
#21
Not me or my family. Someone I know cheated on his wife, divorced, stayed with the person the cheated with and have a whole new life. This all happened 20+years ago, everyone has moved on. He, ex wife, and current wife (the one who cheated with) get together for holidays, and important life events for their adult children. Everyone is fairly amicable.
#22
I was a kid, 18yo. My then boyfriend and I had the pregnancy talk about what would happen if I got pregnant. He told me he “would wait for me at the
bottom of the stairs with a wire coat hanger.” It was then I realized our relationship was over, but wasn’t strong enough to end it. Eventually met a coworker and started to cheat.
#23
Gay. He was wonderful too, great partner. Deserved better. That’s how I knew I wasn’t straight.
#24
To be totally honest it’s because I went through a period of time where I was just a bad person. I cheated physically once, although I would say there was a lot of emotional cheating leading up to it. I was young and in university and my high school partner and I never saw each other and I was getting a bunch of attention from this guy. I got a rush out of the “secrecy” and “forbidden” aspect of it all so I just gave in one day when me and this guy were on mushrooms. I felt terrible then, I feel terrible now. I ended my relationship the next day. Turns out he also cheated on me lol. But I still feel bad and I haven’t done it in any relationship since. Cheating is a horrible thing to do and I will always regret doing it.
Lowrider 56 1 week ago
I remember one time when I was gonna cheat on my girlfriend. Was at a bar and ran into a woman I knew had a crush on me, I went to her house and we made out some. When we were getting close to having s*x she asked if I had any condoms and I said no. She didn't want to have s*x without a c****m so I headed to nearest place to get some. On the drive there I thought to myself "what am I doing? and thought about how I would feel if my girlfriend cheated on me. I never went back to woman's house and never saw her again.
#25
I was unhappy and mistreated in the relationship. I met someone who made me feel seen during a time I was really insecure. I told my partner a month later after she confessed something that also hurt me, but she got angrier. I felt awful the days after i did it and realized i should’ve just left the relationship sooner. I know what i did was wrong and I’ve vowed never to repeat it. And tbh, even if she treated me like s**t, she didnt deserve what i did to her.
#26
I cheated because she did it first. One time i went through her phone and saw videos and photos of her doing things. I acted out of pure anger and jealousy so one day i offered to pay my female friend to take a couple of explicites photos and videos while also hiding our faces and so one day i invited her to come hangout in my room and i pretend to use the bathroom and hoping she went through my phone and find the videos and hoping she felt the same turns out she did and when i came back in she said "something came up at home so i gotta go rn" the last time i ever saw and heard from her.
#27
He had a kid with someone else while we were toghether, I found out and instead of breaking up with him I decided to hurt his feelings back.
Craig Reynolds 1 week ago
Wait, what? Without further details, this sounds like you had a revenge baby with someone else. If that's true, I feel really bad for the kid.
#29
I’ve cheated on two partners.
First time I was 21. He was a*****e and when I’d try to leave, he tell me he’d k**l himself and it would be on me for the rest of my life. Found someone who I could turn to when I was being abused. I never felt guilty for what I did because he was so so so awful to me.
Second time I actually still feel terrible for. He never found out. But he just would not do anything with me. All he wanted to do was play video games and drink. I couldn’t get him to go places with me so I started doing everything alone. We slept in opposite rooms. I worked overnights and he would scream at his video games all during the day when I was trying to sleep even when I asked him not to. Then if I made a single noise in the middle of the night on my days off, it was an issue. He’d wake me up after I worked 3 12 hour shifts to ask if I was going to cook dinner for him while he gamed and got drunk. He, too would threaten to k**l himself if I left. It got to the point where I saw no point in even being alive anymore because I was so depressed. Found someone who gave me attention. Eventually we did her back together but the same s**t kept happening. Didn’t cheat on him again but i eventually gave him the option for us to do couples therapy or I was leaving and he refused therapy.
#30
Bipolar. D***s. Booze. She took me back. Still together
#31
My exhusband and I had a pretty bad relationship for years. We got married young and quick… it was quickly high conflict. I finished school but he never did, lost his job almost immediately after I got out of school and spent most of the next 5 years unemployed. He had health problems and a pretty bad temper, crossing the line into physical abuse on several occasions. We’d separated 3x, but fear had us keep trying again. I was quite overweight and was worried I wouldn’t find someone new…
During our final separation, our dog died. I was so distraught… I loved that dog. My mom was recovering in my home from a bad injury and my stepdad had dementia… And my ex was actually pretty great during it. I convinced myself the 6 months apart was good for us so we decided to try again and he moved back in. I needed the help and I really needed him to be a good guy, so I convinced myself things could be different.
It quickly was back to the same old. We were fighting. He was signing up for more classes (he spent 9 years and about 25k and had never gotten farther than Sophomore)… within weeks I was regretting letting him back in. I was 32 and I knew I wanted kids… and I came to the realization if I had kids with him they might be LIKE him and I was afraid I wouldn’t love them. I had nightmares about this.
At the same time, there was this great younger guy at my work. I didn’t want to go home & he was going through a breakup where she was being difficult about moving out, so we started just hanging out to have drinks. Then go two-stepping. I never had the intention of it becoming a connection, I was just enjoying spending time with someone funny and kind. I was attracted to him, but he was 24 and an indirect subordinate and I was older and overweight so I didn’t entertain the thought.
After several weeks, he told me he had feelings for me. My ex was staying up late to “study” for a test I later learned he failed while he racked up 12k in credit card debt I didn’t know about in cam girls. I told him I’d be home late since he’d be studying… so I went out dancing with what was originally going to be a group from work but ended up just the guy and I. We danced, with each other and others, and had several rounds of drinks. It was a lot of fun… and, to sober up, we ended up at iHop after. He held my hands, caressing them gently, and told me he was surprised how soft they were… that he’d “imagined” they’d be rougher as I’m a horseback rider. I felt the wind knocked out of me… he’d “imagined” my hands? The night took a turn in the tone. I didn’t know what to say. He told me he was falling in love with me and he thought I felt the same, but he didn’t want to do anything until I called it quits with my then-husband. I didn’t confirm because, again, I hadn’t given any serious thought. I told him I didn’t know what to think, we cashed out, and we went for a 2 am walk at a lake in his neighborhood. At this point my ex was blowing up my phone… and I ignored the calls. I told him I needed to think. He pulled me close, put his hands in my hair, and nuzzled in my neck. I hugged him, then got in my truck and drove the 30 minutes home. When I got home I walked out to my horse pasture, gave my horse a hug, and went in to find my then-husband sleeping and snoring. I looked at him and felt a wave of disappointment, disgust, and hatred. I was mad at myself for how I had behaved, and I was mad at him for the proceeding years.
I told the other man the following morning I would talk to my husband and end things the following week after his test for his schooling. I said I didn’t want to tell him and upset him given (I thought) he had been trying. We agreed not to see each other personally until then… though we exchanged hundreds of messages all day and saw each other at work every day. That Thursday my ex failed his test, and that Thursday night I told him I was done. He asked if it was because of the man I’d been spending so much time with. I told him the truth - no, not directly. It was because we hadn’t worked in years… but the timing was because yes, I had feelings for someone else. He wanted to know if I had s*x with him. I told him that I had not, which was true, but that I had very strong feelings. My ex blew up, fairly for once, and we had an ugly divorce.
I got engaged to my now-husband about 18 months into our relationship and married at almost 3 years. And I’m happy. Very, very happy. I love him. He is the great love of my life and the best worst thing I ever did. I have support, he’s a wonderful father, and we have accomplished a lot as a team. He’s never left me hanging. He’s never gotten fired or spent money on p**n. He’s never hit me. He’s never thrown things at me. He’s my best friend.
#32
I cheated on my ex boyfriend with my current husband. My ex boyfriend was just very emotionally toxic and my current husband was a shoulder to cry on
Lila Allen 1 week ago
A lot of these are people in bad relationships, but it seems like they used cheating as the out instead of just getting out.
#33
After 8 years together I found out he was planning how to leave me and take all of our assets after begging me to quit my job and financially rely on him. He was s******l, addicted to p**n, and claimed my sexual a*****t was a burden on his sexuality. I reconnected with someone I always liked throughout my childhood, and started having s*x with him. Part of it was out of resentment. Another part of me was just curious about what s*x would feel like with another person considering he was my first. Either way it wasn’t the right way to go about my marital issues. Within a week of sleeping with the other guy, I asked for a divorce. I didn’t pursue anything serious with the guy I cheated with, but cheating made me come to the decision to leave a lot sooner than I would have.
#34
I had been dating a guy I met on tinder for about a month and then he had to go out of state for 3 months. Ended up meeting my now husband and a few days later felt super bad about it and broke up with guy 1. I’ve been with my husband for almost a decade but I still feel guilty about how it started
#35
My ex and I were together for 11 years, and things got unhealthy towards the end. She was an alcoholic with worsening signs of schizophrenia (hearing voices, paranoid delusions, inattentive behavior, etc.). I tried to get her to seek help many times in many different ways. She wouldn't let me talk to her doctor, and it was clear that she was not being honest about the voices she was hearing.
I had substance issues during this time, but I stayed functional, never unemployed, but probably not the best partner given the situation. We fought often, and I ended up living at my parents' house for a few months while we tried working on the relationship.
Eventually, I wanted to move back into the house that I was paying for, but she kept asking for more space. A few weeks later, our downstairs tenants moved out because she would shout to herself alone upstairs, and haad called the police at least once thinking somone had broken into the house. I used this opportunity to move back in, but separately. One day soon after, she was talking about the neighbors having a loud argument outside and mentioned hearing something about her name and her mother's. We didn't even know those neighbors, and I decided that she was getting help or I was done forever.
While I was living at my parents' house, I found myself spending time with a mutual female friend whom I had known for over 10 years. Nothing inappropriate, but we connected on some level at that time, and feelings developed below the surface. I gave my ex the ultimatum that she needed to see a doctor with me; or I was not going to be there for her any longer. She declined, and I made my choice. It became clear who I wanted to be with. She was out of town; so I drove overnight to be with her.
There was a month of sneaking around (we were still effectively separated but had not officially ended the relationship), and then a 6-month standoff as we divided assets (her family was insanely wealthy, having paid for 30% of our house in cash upfront). I continued dating my new partner throughout this time. We are still together, nearly 5 years later, and I never imagined how much better life could be. I don't recommend doing things this way. My a*******n spiraled further out of control in those early years, almost causing this relationship to crash and burn as well. I finally found myself with something worth saving, so I made the effort to get sober.
Lila Allen 1 week ago
I feel like this isn't cheating. They separated. He made it clear he was terminating the relationship before he got involved. The sneaking around was to avoid the paranoid delusional individual harming them.
#36
I was dating a girl (I’m female) for 2 years, I was never gay or bisexual or into anything other than dudes before I met her, it just kinda happened and I did love her but when I met my now husband he was so nice and good hearted and not your average d******d guy. Honestly, I was trying to find a way out of that relationship because it was toxic as well, we basically just got drunk all the time, fought and the relationship was going no where. Anyway, my now husband was persistent with me but not in an aggressive way if that makes sense. Long story short, I cheated on her with him and we’re now together 7 years and expecting our first child, I don’t have any regrets other than hurting the person I was with
#37
At first, it was emotional. That was the dangerous part. I started comparing. I’d be with my partner but thinking about what that other person would say or do. Then it crossed a line. One night, then another and then it wasn’t just a mistake anymore. It was a whole situation. Leaving was messy and it hurt everyone. I hated being the villain. But staying would've been worse. Looking back, I do regret parts of it. The way it happened but leaving a relationship that wasn’t right, that needed to happen. I just wish I’d done it cleaner.
#38
I had been in a long distance relationship. Not knowing how unhealthy it was. For me. My mental health. I had two relationships with two different men online. Both good men. But…I f****d up. I do regret it. But it also showed me that I wasn’t ready for any relationship. So I’ve been just…here. Single. Probably will be forever. And I don’t mind.
#39
I was in an a*****e relationship for ten years. He made sure my life was a living hell. I wasn’t being treated like a human, let alone getting my basic human needs met. Cheating was never the goal. I just wanted human interaction that wasn’t abuse. I found my now husband, he became my best friend. He saved me. If it weren’t for him I would have left this world either by my exs hands or my own.
Magenta Blu 1 week ago (edited)
The only thing I find in every relationship is more a.buse and disrespect. I lost any and every hope to be treated like an human being, because people are clearly cruel. So if I want any kind of human interaction, I have to endure a.buse, pain and disrespect as the price I have to pay for company... I wonder why I seek company.. but sometimes loneliness is really too much and I need affection even if I have to pay for it... I kinda expect the mistreat because I lost every hope to meet anyone who is kind just because... Or because I'm enough to deserve it.
#40
I've talked about this before on reddit but I cheated on my boyfriend when I was 18. He'd s****************d me and convinced me that no man would ever want me because I was "damaged goods" so he could do whatever he wanted to me. Said God made me for him and we would get married one day so it didn't matter really. I was scared s**tless and took a job that got me out of state. One of my coworkers was a few years older and became a good friend. There wasn't any romantic feelings between the two of us or even really attraction but I hooked up with him as a way of proving to myself that A*****e Boyfriend was wrong. That experience gave me the courage to finally break up with him.
That was over a decade ago and I've never cheated in a relationship since then. Happily married to a man who knows my past and is of the opinion that I did what I needed to to escape a bad situation.
#41
I was selfish and disgusting and a horrible person. I was in the throes of undiagnosed BPD (btw which is not an excuse just an explanation) and I wasted a beautiful persons life for 8 years. It’s all it ever is. People who cheat are suffering from something they can’t put a name to yet. Cheaters can repent if they recognize what made them do it but if you come across one who refuses. Stay clear.
#42
I cheated on my girlfriend of 7.5 years with someone I started talking to online.
I stayed in the relationship way too long and out of obligation. I was afraid of being alone, so I stayed even though I wasn't happy. My partner wasn't a*****e or anything, just passive aggressive often.
I think I either fell out of love or interest. Or simply depressed. But I slid into someone's DMs out of boredom and looking to flirt with someone new. We ended up hitting it off really fast, even though they live on the other side of the world. I kept it from my partner for about 2 weeks until the guilt made me physically ill.
I sat my partner down and put everything on the table not holding a single detail behind. I felt like such an a*****e for breaking the heart of someone I love.
I'm still talking to the other person and it's honestly going really well.
I know I'm not a good person for this and it's something I'll have to live with
#43
He was an a*****e, he controlled every dime in that house. he used my kids as pawns and threats. I did it to get him to hate me. So he wouldn't be so insistent we stay together. And it was nice having someone actually care if I came. Or are or smiled. Didn't work. Went through the hard way.
#44
I was 18 years old. I was being groomed by my bf's dad. I got close with a coworker who offered for me to escape and live with him. My bf wouldn't let me leave unless I cheated on him and broke his heart.
To this day I regret it. If I had just stuck it out until my bf graduated high school and we got our own place. He meant everything to me, but I had to get away from his dad.
Bi.Felicia 1 week ago
I'm pretty sure there's other ways to have gotten away from his dad besides cheating. I'm sorry that OP had to go through something like this but cheating was her only option?
#45
In my early 20’s I cheated on someone that cheated on me for revenge. Instead of making me feel better, it made me realize how truly trashy it is and how horrible people are that can do it without conscience. Never been so disgusted with myself. The idea has never crossed my mind since
#46
My boyfriend at the time was an awful human. It was a 4 year long relationship in college. Very toxic. Lots of cheating on his end.
I had a rough day after failing the test to get my teacher certification— staff at my student teaching position asked me to join them out bar hoping for the last day of school that night… I literally was going to just go home but ended up saying “f**k it” and went anyway. Staff got my drunk off my a*s and my now husband made a move. After a wonderful make out session in front of the whole staff- I slept in his bed that night. LOL. 10 years later we have a home, a kid, and the best life I could ask for! To this day I swear I would still be with that college moron, miserable, if my hubby wouldn’t have saved me.
#47
I started dating my ex at 15 years old (we met when I was 14) and he was 5 years older than me. I went to college and just pretended I didn’t have a boyfriend because I was embarrassed of the age gap. It was freshman year and I ended up cheating on him with a guy I met on a dating app (now that’s another long story). He didn’t find out until I told him when we broke up my junior year. I ended up hitting up the guy from freshman year again and we were in a situationship for a year. Anyways, I don’t know if I’m a terrible person or if I was robbed of my youth and groomed, but I honestly don’t regret it. I should’ve ended things way sooner but you live and you learn. I felt stuck and honestly the whole underage thing f***s with me to this day, but I’m way happier now.
Side note, when I was in high school he accused me of cheating on him multiple times even though I never did. He also guilt tripped me into having s*x when I didn’t want to. 0/10 would not recommend!
#48
I was in a long term relationship with my ex. We moved across the country together, so I became very isolated and he was all I had. He had shown signs of being a*****e before the move that I largely ignored because of naïveté, but once we moved all hell broke loose.
He was a massive alcoholic and extremely verbally a*****e, and quite often physically to go with it. He would also often harm himself if I upset him. But, I had no other friends or family there and my job did not pay enough for me to be on my own in a relatively HCOL city. We also got rid of my car during the move as it was too old to make it across the country, so I was dependent on him for that too.
I started becoming closer with people at work as they were my only escape from him. They unfortunately witnessed some of his insane behavior (he would stumble in there drunk fairly often) and I began to open up to them more about what I was going through. In particular, to one guy I worked with because he was always very realistic with me and a good listener.
No boundaries were crossed for a long time. I didn’t have feelings for him, we never texted about anything outside of work, we didn’t hang out unless we were in a big group, etc.
After almost a year of this friendship, I realized how bad things were with my ex and that he was going to k**l me if I didn’t get out. Around the same time, I realized my feelings for my coworker. And, I just so happened to land a better paying job with benefits that would allow me more stability on my own, and was walkable from my apartment.
So I tried to break up with my ex once and for all. It didn’t work well. He threatened to k**l himself, I ended up locking myself in the bedroom while he screamed and raged and attacked himself with a razor. It was incredibly traumatizing and I didn’t know what to do. He refused to leave and I had nowhere else to go.
Later that week was my last day at my old job and so I went out with my coworkers to celebrate. My ex was god knows where getting drunk. My coworker offered to drive me home, and when he dropped me off I asked him if he wanted to kiss me. He said yes, so we did. I ran into my apartment and told him I had made a huge mistake, and long story short it led to a confession from him that he had had feelings for me for a while but always wanted to respect my relationship and not cross boundaries.
I ended up successfully ending things with my ex a few days later. It was horrific, he destroyed many of my belongings, punched holes in our doors, there was broken glass all over the apartment, he was threatening to k**l me with a knife in his hand and it was so loud multiple neighbors called the police. They showed up and he fled and never came back. I haven’t seen him since.
But I did start dating my old coworker. And I still am to this day. He was there for me through every step of the healing process, took things slow and gently, and ultimately has helped me get through so much trauma. He is an incredible partner who has never so much as raised his voice at me. He has made me believe in love again and I hope to spend the rest of my life with him.
Am I proud of cheating? Absolutely not. Am I glad I did it? Yes. The guilt of it was what gave me the final nudge to actually get rid of my ex. How ironic, I couldn’t do it because ge was abusing me but when I f****d up I felt too guilty to stay together. Does my partner worry he’s going to “lose me how he got me”? No, he’s not a terrifying, a*****e piece of s**t.
#49
The only time I've ever cheated was with my now wife. My girlfriend at the time wasn't good to me. She wasn't physically a*****e or anything, but she took advantage of my generosity.
Near the end I was bringing a full load of groceries for her every time I saw her, a four hour drive, even though her dad was still supporting her. One instance my wife likes to point out is the old gf whispered to my now wife "watch this" and asked me to make the fancy popcorn I make sometimes. Then she ate pretty much all of it.
I was f****d up (very high) and the cheating happened, and my gf didn't even care... I told her right away because I'm not "that guy" to myself. Found out later she was cheating on me for quite a while too. Not that it makes it better, but still!
I've never even been tempted to cheat on my wife, and while I'm not proud of what happened I'm f*****g glad it did. I was miserable with the old gf, I just felt like I didn't have any other options and I was lonely.
Sure, we don't have s*x as much as I want to, but how is that a new story? XD
Tom De Paul 1 week ago
Laying the justification for the next round of cheating with that last sentence.
#50
Emotionally cheated for sure.
The simple version is that my bf did something horrible that broke my trust in him (not cheating), and I should have ended it right then, I was wrong not to. I was 20 and honestly thought people in love just stayed together and worked through whatever it was. We barely saw each other because of our different schedules, so it was easy to carry on.
I had a small crush on someone I worked with and knew he was into me, too. He cared, was ambitious, and made me laugh. We would go to parties with work friends and end up talking on the couch all night until sunrise. He hosted a dinner and I stayed when everyone else left. I ended up falling asleep on his chest, in his bed during a movie. We didn't hook up or anything but I woke up the next morning knowing I wanted THAT every day. The next day I broke up with my boyfriend and told him about the night before when he asked. He didn't believe that we just slept, but he realized I liked the guy more than some random, and that must have hurt.
Anyway, that 'crush' is sleeping next to me right now, 12 years later, happily married.
Note: this post originally had 68 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
What do you think ?
Magenta Blu 1 week ago
Waow, it seems people need to cheat in order to get happily married... No wonder why I never found a nice relationship.. apparently I need to cheat, but I can't... Now I know what's wrong with me.. I'm loyal in a world where only betrayal gets rewarded...
Magenta Blu 1 week ago
Waow, it seems people need to cheat in order to get happily married... No wonder why I never found a nice relationship.. apparently I need to cheat, but I can't... Now I know what's wrong with me.. I'm loyal in a world where only betrayal gets rewarded...
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