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Woman Confused How She’s The Jerk For Leaving Her Birthday After An Hour As Nobody Showed Up
Getting stood up is an awful feeling. Apart from wasting your time waiting for someone who didn’t show up, you’re also dealing with embarrassing pity stares from everyone around you.
The author of today’s story went through this experience when her friends, family, and fiancé failed to show up for her birthday dinner. When she decided to cancel, she received a barrage of angry texts for supposedly wasting everyone’s efforts.
The woman was confused about what she did wrong and asked the AITAH subreddit for answers.
RELATED:
Getting stood up is embarrassing, to say the least
Image credits: AboutImages/Envato (not the actual photo)
A woman celebrating her birthday waited for an hour in a restaurant, but none of her guests showed up
Image credits: LightFieldStudios/Envato (not the actual photo)
To make matters worse, her friends ganged up on her for choosing to call it a night
Image credits: Responsible-Cow8862
People’s attitudes toward commitment are no longer the same
Gone are the days when people honored the yeses they gave. According to psychologist Averil Leimon, the “sense of commitment has been eroded.” This happens even in significant events like weddings, where invitations are sent out months in advance.
“Nowadays, despite the expense involved, sometimes, people don’t even show [up] on the day,” Leimon said in an interview with Elle.
Leimon points to a couple of factors, which include a possible narcissistic personality disorder. It results in a lack of emotional literacy, which entails reading and predicting other people’s feelings.
Such behaviors may also manifest in people who were spoiled as children. Leimon explains that being made to feel like the center of the universe could make a person inconsiderate toward others unless there are clear consequences.
“Chances are people never understand the impact of their actions as no one goes back and tells them,” Leimon said. “They just avoid or ostracise them in the future without explaining why.”
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That unpleasant feeling after getting stood up may have aftershocks. According to author and licensed clinical psychotherapist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, it may urge you to rethink your relationship with the person while also worrying about whether something bad happened to them.
A mature person would give the benefit of the doubt, which the author did. She accepted everyone’s justifications without question and waited an hour before leaving the restaurant.
However, being stood up is hurtful and embarrassing, and as Dr. Wish points out, you will never know the real reason why they failed to show up. In this case, you owe it to yourself to practice self-care.
“Your winning strategy is not to dwell on it or blame yourself—just move on,” Dr. Wish said in an interview with Elite Daily.
The woman’s decision to skip going out after her friends ruined her night was within reason. She didn’t deserve to be blamed and attacked.
The woman provided more information by responding to some comments
Most readers sided with the author, with some urging her to cut ties with her friends
But a couple of people blamed her for not canceling before leaving the restaurant
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What do you think ?
KatSaidWhat 9 months ago
"Waited until he got home to text" - read the part where OP lives a literal 5 minute walk away. Both of you. An hour is generous. If nobody could give an actual ETA, how long are they supposed to sit there on their jack jones looking like they have been stood up - which technically they were. Those angry messages are borne from guilt.
ANGEL M 9 months ago
Exactly, if any of them had turned up after the 5 min walk she had they could easily have walked the 5 miss to see her.
Load More Replies...
Beth Wheeler 9 months ago
NTA for eternity. She waited for an hour. I can understand her fiance not making it because he's a fireman. The others suck, they should have either gotten ready earlier or left earlier since they know there are traffic problems in that 1 area. None of them gave her any updates after saying they would be late and then they get mad at her. It sounds like she found out who her friends are and needs to think about them.
Earonn - 9 months ago
Thanks for adding your thoughts about the updates. I was on the fence because, well, s**t happens, but you're right: they could have kept her informed when they would arrive. Also, come to think of it, at least for me it would have been normal to call and then to ask "Who else is there?" - upon hearing that nobody was I would have tried to keep her mood up until I arrive.
Load More Replies...
Lethal Lolita 9 months ago
NTA - If YOU know that the bridge has bad traffic and YOU know that your fiancée sometimes has to work late, THEY should definitely know and plan accordingly! Yes, they wasted their time trying to get there, but it all starts with them not planning ahead.
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
The only one with a sensible reason to be late or not arrive was your fella the firefighter! that’s the only one I would have allowed happily they do an amazing jobs and if they needed to stay on so be it thank him for his service plz even tho I’m not in the us lol But your so called mates are big outta order big big time tell em straight u waited over an hour n the place needed the table back in half n hour etc then find new mates x
Anne Reid 9 months ago
Exactly! They can’t just clock out if they are on an emergency call towards the end of their shift.
Load More Replies...
person (i think) 9 months ago
The friends _should_ have continued on to her house to apologize and wish her a happy birthday. What a-holes
Lene 9 months ago
I'm not sure I'd have left for home. Even after an hour. I think I'd have asked for a table for 1 and then moved the birthday celebration to that. Also, I always (ALWAYS) bring a nitebook and at least 3 pens, so I'd sit there and eat the best food and write in my notebook. It'd very likely be my diary. And when ppl eventually showed up, they could ask to get a bigger table for us and they'd have to make up for the delay by buying me extra dessert 😁 but I'm honestly a weirdo who enjoys doing things alone (cinema, restaurants, concerts) so my opinion may not really count. 🤷♀️
Robert Beveridge 9 months ago
Of course NTA, those (hopefully former) friends are TA. but.. you're already there and this is the place you wanted to go, why not just get a table for one and eat?
Kohl_Keene 9 months ago
People will be on time to what is important to them. It’s sad the OP had to learn this on her birthday
Barbara Deskins 9 months ago
I hope she wasn't seated at a table all that time. It ties up the server and other people have to wait. That's why the policy should be 'old complete parties will be seated'. I hope she tipped her server for the money they lost
KatSaidWhat 9 months ago
"Waited until he got home to text" - read the part where OP lives a literal 5 minute walk away. Both of you. An hour is generous. If nobody could give an actual ETA, how long are they supposed to sit there on their jack jones looking like they have been stood up - which technically they were. Those angry messages are borne from guilt.
ANGEL M 9 months ago
Exactly, if any of them had turned up after the 5 min walk she had they could easily have walked the 5 miss to see her.
Load More Replies... Beth Wheeler 9 months ago
NTA for eternity. She waited for an hour. I can understand her fiance not making it because he's a fireman. The others suck, they should have either gotten ready earlier or left earlier since they know there are traffic problems in that 1 area. None of them gave her any updates after saying they would be late and then they get mad at her. It sounds like she found out who her friends are and needs to think about them.
Earonn - 9 months ago
Thanks for adding your thoughts about the updates. I was on the fence because, well, s**t happens, but you're right: they could have kept her informed when they would arrive. Also, come to think of it, at least for me it would have been normal to call and then to ask "Who else is there?" - upon hearing that nobody was I would have tried to keep her mood up until I arrive.
Load More Replies... Lethal Lolita 9 months ago
NTA - If YOU know that the bridge has bad traffic and YOU know that your fiancée sometimes has to work late, THEY should definitely know and plan accordingly! Yes, they wasted their time trying to get there, but it all starts with them not planning ahead.
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
The only one with a sensible reason to be late or not arrive was your fella the firefighter! that’s the only one I would have allowed happily they do an amazing jobs and if they needed to stay on so be it thank him for his service plz even tho I’m not in the us lol But your so called mates are big outta order big big time tell em straight u waited over an hour n the place needed the table back in half n hour etc then find new mates x
Anne Reid 9 months ago
Exactly! They can’t just clock out if they are on an emergency call towards the end of their shift.
Load More Replies... person (i think) 9 months ago
The friends _should_ have continued on to her house to apologize and wish her a happy birthday. What a-holes
Lene 9 months ago
I'm not sure I'd have left for home. Even after an hour. I think I'd have asked for a table for 1 and then moved the birthday celebration to that. Also, I always (ALWAYS) bring a nitebook and at least 3 pens, so I'd sit there and eat the best food and write in my notebook. It'd very likely be my diary. And when ppl eventually showed up, they could ask to get a bigger table for us and they'd have to make up for the delay by buying me extra dessert 😁 but I'm honestly a weirdo who enjoys doing things alone (cinema, restaurants, concerts) so my opinion may not really count. 🤷♀️
Robert Beveridge 9 months ago
Of course NTA, those (hopefully former) friends are TA. but.. you're already there and this is the place you wanted to go, why not just get a table for one and eat?
Kohl_Keene 9 months ago
People will be on time to what is important to them. It’s sad the OP had to learn this on her birthday
Barbara Deskins 9 months ago
I hope she wasn't seated at a table all that time. It ties up the server and other people have to wait. That's why the policy should be 'old complete parties will be seated'. I hope she tipped her server for the money they lost
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