“Why Would You Do This To Me?”: Woman Dumps BF After Dinner With His Family Brings Back Trauma

A good, successful relationship means solid communication and, on top of that, respect. After all, hearing what someone has to say doesn’t matter if you don’t plan to actually put it into consideration. So when one’s partner has a pretty strict and well-defined boundary, it’s best to actually listen to them.

A woman shared her breakup story, after her boyfriend very directly ignored her wishes regarding not holding newborns. We reached out to the woman who shared the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.

Expecting your partner to follow your boundaries should be a given in a relationship

Woman holding a newborn wrapped in a knitted blanket, highlighting trauma and relationship struggles with boyfriend pressure.

Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite/Pexels (not the actual photo)

So one woman was unpleasantly surprised when her BF had her hold a newborn, despite her saying she didn’t want to

Screenshot of a text post discussing a woman breaking up with her boyfriend after he forced her to hold a newborn despite trauma.

Text about a woman breaking up with boyfriend after he forces her to hold a newborn despite her trauma.

Text excerpt explaining a woman’s traumatic background after being adopted from Russia at seven months old.

Woman sitting alone by a window, looking distressed, reflecting on trauma and relationship struggles with a newborn.

Image credits: Dương Nhân/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt about unmet emotional needs and trauma related to holding a newborn despite personal pain and past experiences.

Text excerpt about woman’s trauma with newborn, highlighting emotional impact and attention struggles after adoption.

Woman with troubled expression discussing emotional trauma with boyfriend in a softly lit room after newborn incident.

Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Woman with red hair in black dress standing against wall, looking distressed, reflecting trauma after newborn situation.

Image credits: Thirdman/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Text image with a personal statement about discomfort with newborns due to past trauma, reflecting emotional struggle.

Woman holding a newborn baby wrapped in a blanket, illustrating trauma and relationship struggle with boyfriend.

Image credits: Antoni Shkraba Studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Group of young people socializing outdoors, highlighting woman breaking up after being forced to hold newborn despite trauma.

Image credits: Lisa from Pexels/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Man holding a newborn baby gently indoors by a window, illustrating themes of trauma and difficult relationships.

Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)

Text of a woman confronting her boyfriend about forcing her to hold a newborn despite her trauma, highlighting relationship conflict.

Young woman with red hair looks distressed, holding her forehead, reflecting trauma and relationship struggles.

Image credits: Alena Darmel/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt describing a woman confronting her boyfriend after he forces her to hold a newborn, triggering past trauma.

Text excerpt about a woman breaking up with her boyfriend due to trauma related to holding a newborn baby.

Woman holding her head in distress, reflecting trauma after being forced to hold a newborn by boyfriend.

Image credits: Nataliya Vaitkevich/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Text about woman addressing concerns over safety after being forced to hold a newborn despite trauma affecting her reactions.

Text excerpt discussing family secrets and trauma, highlighting emotional impact and unexpected revelations about a brother.

Woman breaks up with boyfriend after he forces her to hold newborn, ignoring her trauma and emotional boundaries.

Woman breaks up with boyfriend after he forces her to hold a newborn amid her trauma and emotional struggle.

Woman holding newborn baby with visible discomfort, illustrating trauma and tension in a difficult breakup situation.

Text excerpt about meeting brother, connecting after years as an only child, touching on trauma and family bond.

Text excerpt describing emotional trauma and family conflict related to a woman forced to hold a newborn against her trauma.

Text message discussing no contact after marriage and having a third child, relating to trauma and relationship issues.

Update message about scheduling therapy appointments with specialists after trauma related to newborn holding.

Image credits: donnatarttenthusiast

People with trauma often are aware of what might trigger them

Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels (not the actual photo)

While it might seem a bit confusing to someone fortunate enough to have never seen it in practice, traumatic triggers are a very real thing. The word “trigger” has absolutely suffered from overuse, but it does perfectly encapsulate how certain stimuli can affect a person’s mental state. The fact that it’s somewhat vague is a feature, not a bug, since the actual trigger can be anything from a newborn to even a specific smell.

It’s also important to note that a person’s response to a trigger might not be identical to someone else’s, nor to “typical” representations. For example, veterans might really have panic attacks during fireworks, for others it might just heighten their distress. Some people report an irrational and powerful drive to leave a place when they encounter a trigger. The variety of responses, unfortunately, are one of the reasons so many people don’t take it seriously, since what one could encounter might not line up with the “picture” of a panic attack someone has built up in their head.

This is all to reinforce why this woman was so adamant about not holding the newborn, she clearly knows her own triggers and wants to prepare to avoid them. The boyfriend, of his own volition, decided that either it wasn’t a big deal or that he was going to “help” her through some ill-conceived “exposure therapy.” In many ways, this mirrors her experience with the wildly irresponsible therapist who contacted her birth mother and is probably why she included this detail.

Secondly, even if this was some scheme to “help her” in his mind, it’s wildly irresponsible and mean-spirited. She made a clear request, he ignored it. More realistically, he probably didn’t take her seriously, but that is also not the act of a kind and caring partner. If someone tells you exactly what they expect and why it’s important to you, it’s your choice to listen or not, but you can’t claim to respect someone if you just ignore them.

Downplaying your partner’s mental issues is a great way to get dumped

Image credits: RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)

After all, he does play dumb, which is, well, dumb, given that she did tell him. When she is still upset, he calls her crazy, a known remedy for conflict, as well as some other words that she doesn’t specify. Accountability might be hard, but it’s necessary for any relationship to actually last. He didn’t make an honest mistake, he was informed and he chose to just downplay her issues. You should be able to rely on your partner at all times, that includes them knowing what not to do.

Any idea of “exposure therapy” is just insulting at best. He is not her therapist, she did not ask for help, she just established a pretty simple boundary. It only adds fuel to the fire that he made these claims in what is most certainly bad faith, after his strategy of playing dumb didn’t pan out. At the very least, she got to see his true colors before wasting any more time in this relationship.

How someone approaches a partner disrespecting them is a subjective question, but if she feels she’ll resent him then she was right to leave the relationship. Sometimes this sort of distance can be healthy, as she identified the ways their relationship was imperfect. It can be hard to see major issues when you’re still “blinded” by love.

Most folks understood where she was coming from

Comment thread discussing a woman breaking up with her boyfriend after he forced her to hold a newborn despite her trauma.

Reddit comments discussing a woman breaking up with boyfriend after he forces her to hold a newborn despite trauma.

Reddit conversation about a woman processing trauma after being forced to hold a newborn by her boyfriend.

Comment discussing a woman breaking up with her boyfriend after he forced her to hold a newborn despite her trauma.

Text conversation discussing the stress and trauma involved when a woman is forced to hold a newborn against her wishes.

Alt text: Woman breaks up with boyfriend after being forced to hold newborn despite trauma, expressing clear refusal and personal boundaries.

Screenshot of supportive Reddit comments comforting a woman dealing with trauma after being forced to hold a newborn by her boyfriend.

Reddit comments discussing a woman forced to hold a newborn despite her trauma and her decision to break up with boyfriend.

Comment text discussing a woman breaking up with boyfriend after he forces her to hold a newborn despite her trauma.

Commenter shares experience of trauma and breakup after being forced to hold a newborn despite trauma.

Comment expressing support for a woman breaking up with her boyfriend after he forces her to hold a newborn despite her trauma.

Comment defending woman after boyfriend forced her to hold newborn despite trauma, highlighting gaslighting and support for her decision.

Some thought she could have advocated for herself better

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman’s trauma and discomfort holding a newborn baby.

Text excerpt discussing trauma, responsibility, and relationship boundaries after being forced to hold a newborn despite trauma.

Online conversation showing discussion about a woman breaking up after boyfriend forces her to hold a newborn despite trauma.

Comment discussion about trauma and boundaries in relationships when holding a newborn after personal experiences.

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