“I Would Need To Change”: Man Gives GF A List Of Rules Before They Move In Together, Gets Dumped On The Spot

Without mutual respect, your romantic relationship won’t have much of a foundation to stand on. But the problem is that even after spending a lot of time dating your significant other, you might have a blind spot for some of their more problematic red flags, like their overly controlling behavior.

The AITAH online community recently shared its thoughts about a woman who was confused when her toxic boyfriend began making bizarre comments about her long showering habits. He then showed his true colors about how she was supposedly his and should act like it, only to get dumped so fast his head spun. Scroll down to read the full story and an update from the author herself.

Trusting and respecting your partner are keys to a happy and healthy relationship. However, some toxic partners can’t stand their significant others having freedom

Young couple sitting on bed holding hands, suggesting boyfriend red flags and tension

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Completely shocked when her controlling boyfriend finally showed his true colors, this woman decided that it was time to put an end to the entire relationship

Reddit screenshot: woman questions ending relationship after long showers, woman misses boyfriend red flags

Close-up of article text about a woman missing boyfriend red flags after 18 months

Article screenshot of a woman describing boyfriend's red flags, excerpt about Kevin's offhand comment before moving in.

Screenshot of text about a steam shower routine; woman keeps missing BF red flags

Young woman in shower with short hair catching water, looking thoughtful, red flags

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Screenshot of a comment about living with boyfriend, missing red flags and asking for 30-40 minutes alone

Close-up of article text excerpt about relationship red flags and living-together boundaries

Screenshot of text describing controlling behavior and relationship red flags revealed by boyfriend

Woman covering her face while boyfriend yells, illustrating red flags in a relationship

Image credits: hryshchyshen / freepik (not the actual photo)

Close-up of excerpt about a woman missing boyfriend red flags on a white background

Journal text: woman sad and confused, questioning her ability to see red flags in relationship

Text excerpt showing family criticizing breakup, woman missing boyfriend red flags over 18 months in a plain paragraph.

Screenshot of text about family dismissing concerns and missing red flags in boyfriend

Screenshot of a Reddit post of a woman asking about relationship issues, mentioning red flags and breakup.

Image credits: Throwaway_External

There are overt as well as subtle red flags that your significant other might be too controlling. If you constantly feel guilty, insecure, or intimidated, there might be something very wrong with your relationship

Controlling behavior isn’t always incredibly overt, like them bossing you around. It can be subtle, too. As WebMD points out, controlling relationships are based on a power imbalance.

In short, one person dominates their partner through physical, emotional, intimate, financial, spiritual, or psychological means to cause intimidation, insecurity, or guilt.

For instance, a controlling partner might start texting or calling you if you leave your home without them, trying to check where you are and who you’re with. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Some of the most common signs that you may be stuck in a controlling relationship include your partner behaving in the following ways:

• Disliking being excluded from your plans, not wanting you to have a life without them, and not respecting your need for time alone
• Shaming you for spending time with your family members and friends
• Jealousy and frequent accusations of flirting or cheating
• Ignoring your boundaries and checking your text messages, phone calls, emails, social media, or belongings without asking you
• Constantly criticizing you, undermining your confidence, and making you feel self-conscious about your flaws and quirks, whether in private or in public
• Blaming you for their emotions, painting you as the scapegoat, while they play the victim
• Gaslighting you by twisting the truth so you start questioning reality

Controlling relationships can negatively impact you by making you feel isolated from your family and friends, causing anxiety and distress, and making you forgive your partner’s inexcusable behavior.

Broadly speaking, if your significant other makes you feel scared, mistrusted, powerless, and as though you can’t do anything right, something might be wrong. Additionally, it’s worrisome if you feel you have to lie to your partner about where you’ve been and if you feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.

WebMD suggests bringing up these issues with your significant other, explaining how their behavior makes you feel, and what you would like to change in your relationship. Alternatively, ask for support from your family, friends, therapist, or relationship counselor.

Controlling individuals enjoy micromanaging others and don’t allow them to make decisions for themselves. Meanwhile, their overprotectiveness can be suffocating and unhealthy

Angry man yelling at woman in close confrontation, depicting relationship red flags

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Meanwhile, PsychCentral stresses that another indication that you’re in a controlling relationship is that they micromanage you. In a nutshell, they’re trying to stop you from living your life like you normally would.

They might, for instance, try to control your finances, pressure you to stay at a certain weight, tell you when you can go to work or school, or prevent you from getting medical care or seeing a therapist.
They might also control your daily habits, too. For example, they might check to see what you took from the fridge, supervise what you buy at the grocery store, always ask you about your phone conversations, etc.

Controlling partners also tend to make decisions for you and are overprotective. While it’s, well, nice when someone is attentive or caring, when taken too far, it’s unhealthy for your relationship.

It’s an issue if your partner regularly makes decisions for you. They might take up all of the time in your schedule, drive you everywhere, redecorate based just on their personal taste, or try to change how you dress by criticizing you or buying you outfits.

What’s more, it’s not healthy if your significant other is so protective of you that they get upset if you don’t answer your phone right away. They might also feel jealous of the time you spend with your family and friends.

“A controlling partner may also be on top of your medical appointments, draw a special diet for you, or advise you against a co-worker they don’t like. Any of these behaviors on their own might not mean anything in particular. But if your partner or spouse repeatedly acts this way and won’t take your interests, needs, and opinions into account, they might be trying to control you,” PsychCentral states.

What would you have done differently, if anything, if you were in the woman’s shoes? What are some major relationship red flags that you’re always on the lookout for? In your experience, what are some subtle signs that someone is overly controlling? Share your insights and advice in the comments.

As her story started going viral, the woman shared a bit more information about her situation

Reddit screenshot of woman saying she missed boyfriend red flags for 18 months in comment thread

Reddit comment by MissNikitaDevan about an ex hiding red flags and internalized misogyny

Screenshot of a comment criticizing a partner, discussing control, showers and red flags

Red flags: Reddit screenshot of comments calling partner controlling and debating shower length after breakup

The vast majority of internet users were completely on the author’s side and thought she did the right thing by moving on from her partner

Screenshot of Reddit comment in a red flags thread: Aren't you lucky he showed his true colours before he moved in?

Reddit screenshot discussing woman keeps missing BF red flags, commenter criticizes OP and says NTA

Screenshot of Reddit comment warning NTA and naming controlling behavior as relationship red flags.

Reddit comment calling internalized misogyny, woman keeps missing red flags

Red flags Reddit comment screenshot reading Be glad that he showed you who he was. Lucky escape. Your mom and aunt are wrong.

Screenshot of Reddit comment supporting a woman who keeps missing BF's red flags, saying she did the right thing.

Reddit screenshot of comment saying I'd rather d** alone than as property, signaling red flags

Reddit comment highlighting red flags: user condemns controlling boyfriend and praises escaping the relationship.

Red flags: Reddit comment reading NTA and comparing to TikTok videos of wives locking themselves in bathroom

Screenshot of Reddit comment about dodging a bullet; woman missing boyfriend red flags exposed

Reddit comment supporting woman who keeps missing BF's red flags, urging she left controlling boyfriend

Screenshot of Reddit comment warning about a partner's red flags, black text on white background with username

Reddit comment screenshot about family distrust and red flags, username Pissedliberalgranny visible

Red flags: Reddit comment screenshot saying relationship ended due to possession control rather than shower length

Red flags: Reddit comment urging woman not to let controlling boyfriend move in

Red flags in a Reddit comment screenshot urging a woman to dump a controlling boyfriend

Reddit comment screenshot reading NTA you dodged a bullet, referencing red flags in a relationship

Later, the woman shared an update to her story

Screenshot of a Reddit post about ending a relationship over boyfriend's red flags and controlling behavior about long showers

Screenshot of text about a dad listing red flags he saw in his daughter's ex who she missed for 18 months

Screenshot of a forum post paragraph about relationship problems and boyfriend red flags

Screenshot of forum post describing partner's red flags, sitting on porch on his phone while she struggled with project

Image credits: benzoix / freepik (not the actual photo)

Close-up of a text excerpt listing relationship red flags about groceries, woman admits she missed boyfriend's red flags

Screenshot of text listing boyfriend red flags, citing neglected home and car maintenance and other small signs

Close-up of a text post about steam showers, family and boundaries, referencing boyfriend red flags

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Close-up of article text about a woman missing her boyfriend's red flags and asserting boundaries.

Image credits: Throwaway_External

She then provided even more context as she interacted with her supportive readers

Red flags discussion screenshot: Reddit comments on woman missing boyfriend's red flags and caring partner behavior

Screenshot of Reddit comment mentioning red flags, overreaction to Kevin, and asking how old the brother and friends are

Screenshot of text comments about relationship issues and red flags like long showers, boundaries, and cohabitation.

Screenshot of black-on-white comment text discussing relationship concerns and red flags after breakup

Screenshot of Reddit post about a woman missing her boyfriend's red flags over 18 months

Screenshot of a woman's written rant about missing boyfriend red flags and 18 months living together

Folks online were overjoyed to hear that the woman got out of the toxic relationship. Here’s what they said

Screenshot of a Reddit comment warning about an entitled, controlling boyfriend and highlighting red flags

Red flags: screenshot of a Reddit comment offering marriage advice about balance, partners and welcoming a sibling

Screenshot of Reddit comment warning about controlling behavior and relationship red flags, username jkitsmejenny visible

Screenshot of Reddit comment about family and boundaries, mentioning red flags and not settling for less

Reddit comment warning woman misses boyfriend red flags, advising she avoided a controlling partner

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