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Nothing bonds colleagues more than workplace frustrations and stress. Those who form a close relationship with their coworkers may label them as their ‘work spouse’ (or ‘work wife/husband’). While having one can improve work experience, a lot of people don’t appreciate the marriage metaphor, worrying that the relationship might quickly overstep professional boundaries.
This woman was one of them. But even though she addressed her concerns to her boyfriend, he ignored her feelings, saying it was completely harmless. Not buying it, she turned for advice online, asking if her situation was normal.
RELATED:
Some people involved in ‘work spouse’ relationships overstep professional boundaries
Image credits: gpointstudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
This woman worried it was the same with her boyfriend, who gave pet names and sent hearts to his colleague
Image credits: Rawpixel / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: damirkhabirov / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: WorkGullible9903
72% of workers call their colleague a ‘work spouse’
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
More than 72% of workers call their colleagues with whom they have formed a close platonic bond their ‘work spouse.’ Such a relationship is often characterized by trust, understanding, and shared interests. “This is someone who ‘gets you,’ lives within the same workplace and culture and deals with many of the same people you do,” said Erin Mantz, vice president of employee engagement at Zeno Group.
There are many advantages to having a ‘work spouse,’ from emotional support and stress relief to overcoming challenges more easily and motivating each other. However, using such an intimate term for this relationship can make some people, especially spouses, uncomfortable. Nowadays, with people trying to better their work-life balance, ‘work spouse’ not only seems like an outdated term but also suggests that these relationships are budding workplace romances.
As we see it, the term is due for retirement, as its original form, ‘office wife,’ was coined in the second half of the 19th century to refer to the secretaries who helped their employers with everything, like a wife would do with a husband. Later, the phrase evolved into ‘work spouse,’ which already had the meaning it has today. This term would probably benefit from a rebrand, as its associations make spouses disapprove of their partner having one at work.
In fact, 45% of the U.S. adults said it wasn’t appropriate to have a ‘work spouse,’ while only 21% felt like it was ok. This makes experts think that people don’t understand the true nature of the relationship, and the term chosen for it isn’t helping. Such misinterpretations, outdated terminology and even at times jealous spouses can make workers miss out on close platonic relationships with their colleagues, which may rob them of the benefits they have.
“Your work spouse is not your real spouse”
Image credits: wayhomestudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
That said, it’s possible for close platonic work relationships to turn romantic, as 7% of people involved in them confessed to crossing a line with a work spouse. In order to get the most out of a work relationship without it turning uncomfortable or regretful, there have to be respectful professional boundaries that both parties stick to.
“For starters, do not talk to your work spouse about intimate details of your domestic partner,” said Vicki Salemi, career expert for Monster. “Your work spouse is not your real spouse, so some topics really need to be off limits. Save those conversations for a close friend outside the office, therapist, or yoga class.”
Other boundaries may include limiting communication to working hours, ditching the term ‘work spouse,’ being inclusive to other colleagues, avoiding gossiping, and keeping interactions professional. If a person hesitates to tell their spouse about their work relationship, chances are they’re crossing a line.
Alternatively, if a partner feels like their spouse’s work bestie is interfering with their relationship, they have to talk about it. “If your partner hears your concerns, understands where you’re coming from, and is willing to abide by certain boundaries to help you feel safe, they may be able to continue the friendship with the work bestie and keep you feeling good at the same time,” Rebecca Williams, LMFT, a couples therapy expert, explained.
Ultimately, having a person you are close to at work is not wrong. The key is to maintain professional boundaries that ensure your romantic partner feels loved, prioritized, and respected.
Commenters think that the gaslighting from her boyfriend is quite obvious
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Shark Lady 2 months ago
None of this is acceptable for anyone in a monogamous relationship. The boyfriend is enjoying the attention far too much, it's already an emotional affair, it won't take much for them to cross into a full blown physical one. When the boyfriend accepted OP being disrespected in front of him, he signaled he had made his choice.
Tabitha 2 months ago (edited)
Aside from totally disrespecting OP, boyfriend is setting himself up for BIG trouble at work when he gets tired of his “work wife”, and she goes to HR, reports him for sexual harassment—-you know, hell hath no furry like a work wife scorned—-and he gets his stupid a*s fired for it. It will be no one’s fault but his own. He’ll be left with no one too, because by then OP will have already dumped him. So, word of advice about flirting or carrying on a relationship with a coworker: DON’T S**T WHERE YOU EAT. Especially considering just how gossipy and cliquish the restaurant business is, he could end up having that sexual harassment complaint, even if discovered to be unfounded because the “harassment” obviously went both ways, still follow him around from job to job. Restaurant staff, management, and owners tend to know each other and at some point worked for each other, so his past will follow him. If they’re not in a huge city but a small town, you can multiply that risk by 1000.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
And knowing restaurants, it will follow him forever. We're a gossipy lot.
Load More Replies... Shark Lady 2 months ago
None of this is acceptable for anyone in a monogamous relationship. The boyfriend is enjoying the attention far too much, it's already an emotional affair, it won't take much for them to cross into a full blown physical one. When the boyfriend accepted OP being disrespected in front of him, he signaled he had made his choice.
Tabitha 2 months ago (edited)
Aside from totally disrespecting OP, boyfriend is setting himself up for BIG trouble at work when he gets tired of his “work wife”, and she goes to HR, reports him for sexual harassment—-you know, hell hath no furry like a work wife scorned—-and he gets his stupid a*s fired for it. It will be no one’s fault but his own. He’ll be left with no one too, because by then OP will have already dumped him. So, word of advice about flirting or carrying on a relationship with a coworker: DON’T S**T WHERE YOU EAT. Especially considering just how gossipy and cliquish the restaurant business is, he could end up having that sexual harassment complaint, even if discovered to be unfounded because the “harassment” obviously went both ways, still follow him around from job to job. Restaurant staff, management, and owners tend to know each other and at some point worked for each other, so his past will follow him. If they’re not in a huge city but a small town, you can multiply that risk by 1000.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
And knowing restaurants, it will follow him forever. We're a gossipy lot.
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