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Girlfriend Pushes Her Love Language On Boyfriend, Throws A Fit When He Rejects Her Unwanted Gift
Interview With Expert
A well-thought-out gift is a symbol of love, respect, and care for a person you care about, plus it shows that you’ve truly put in a lot of effort. The problem is that sometimes folks get so carried away when showing affection that they might miss the mark with their gift.
This is what happened when a woman decided to give her boyfriend a present for their anniversary, even though he specifically said he didn’t want anything. To his displeasure, she also tried to control and force him to use her gift the way she wanted.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
A gift should come with no expectations or strings attached, or else it might leave the other person feeling pressured
Image credits: arutaimages / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that since her boyfriend had been struggling mentally, he didn’t want to do anything big for their second anniversary
Image credits: syda_productions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite agreeing to her boyfriend’s request for no anniversary gifts, the poster decided to make a present and give it to him anyway, as she liked doing such things
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When the woman noticed that her boyfriend hadn’t used her gifts, she demanded that he at least hang up the art she gave and send her a picture of it
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster’s boyfriend told her not to force him to use the artwork, but she felt that he should try to understand how meaningful it was to her
Image credits: iwishiwerehim
She later wondered if she should make him a gift for his upcoming birthday, even though he said not to, since giving presents was her love language
Since this is the OP’s first relationship, it makes sense that she’s still trying to figure things out and learn from her mistakes. She also shared that they had been going through a difficult time, especially with her boyfriend having emotional struggles. That’s why she wanted to do something special for their upcoming anniversary.
The poster mentioned that since her love language was gift-giving, she felt that it would be a good idea to make something nice for her partner. He had mentioned that he didn’t want to do anything big or exchange presents, but she felt that it would be nice to give him something anyway.
To understand a bit more about gift-giving protocols, Bored Panda reached out to Joyce O’Day, who is a retired world history teacher with Masters Degrees in History and Urban Leadership. She explained that “the woman who gifted the shell heart is in the wrong relationship; she will never be satisfied with that guy if gift giving, and receiving, is her love language.”
“Couples who place importance on presents may be insecure in their relationship, trying to buy the other partner’s love, or are trying to make up for something they feel guilty about. They are [blindly following] tradition or are wealthy with money to burn,” she added.
Joyce, who also wrote an article on why she and her husband don’t exchange presents, shared that “neither of us requires gifts to feel loved or appreciated. Basically, we are minimalists when it comes to most personal possessions. We are more into creating memory-making experiences with family, friends, and just the two of us.”
Image credits: iwishiwerehim / Reddit
After disrespecting her boyfriend’s wishes about exchanging presents, the poster also tried to push him to use her gifts. He didn’t open her letter for a few days and hadn’t hung up her artwork, so she tried to coerce him into hanging it on his wall. All of this must have annoyed the man because he finally snapped at her.
Very often, people get so caught up in the act of giving presents that they forget what the gift is actually supposed to symbolize. Experts state that around 78% of couples believe that the meaning behind the present matters more than its cost or aesthetic, but people often tend to forget this.
The poster was also riled up by her boyfriend’s lack of enthusiasm for her gifts and took this as a form of rejection. Instead of reflecting on her feelings or trying to understand what was going through his mind, she decided to yet again give him a present for his upcoming birthday despite him saying not to.
Joyce explained that “to show appreciation and love for your partner without presenting them with a physical gift, one can plan a special/romantic evening out on the town or at home with their favorite meal. Plan a walk, bike ride in a natural setting, or help them with something without being asked.”
“Chores, gardening, inventorying a record collection, or organizing the pantry: the little things add up. Go out together to purchase something both partners will use and enjoy, like plants, art, or household items,” she added. Hopefully, the OP recognizes that her boyfriend doesn’t want presents and that she can show her affection for him in other meaningful ways, like this.
What advice would you give to the woman to handle this kind of situation? Let us know in the comments.
Most people didn’t like the poster’s gift and felt that she had selfishly given it to her boyfriend because it was something that gave her joy
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What do you think ?
Tabitha 1 month ago
I’m a woman, old enough to be a grandma, and I wouldn’t hang that thing in my house. BF probably goes on the down low for gifts with OP because she consistently comes up with tack like this. Doesn’t matter if it’s handmade. If it’s tacky, it ain’t going on display in my house.
Katarzyna Drozd 1 month ago
Well if you want to give him a gift, give him something HE wants and needs. Make him a breakfast, listen to him, comfort him. Give him a ticket to an event HE is passionate about, gift card to HIS favourite shop. Giving him an artwork that YOU like and nagging him to put it on the wall is the opposite of what he needs. He does not need another problem to think about, when he is in bad mental state.
marcelo D. 1 month ago
op has basically answered that "i am hurt because it was meaningful to me" the gift was never for or about the boyfriend
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
Never buy art for someone that is not an artist they have expressly showed an interest in. And even then tread carefully. I keep being gifted jewellery. This is lovely. Except at most I wear a velcro watch when I travel. To me, it's lazy gifting - just buy me a candle if you have to - I certainly love those!
K Barnes 1 month ago
I don't wear jewelry either, I haven't for at least 20 years and get gifted it all the time. I've gotten earring several times and don't have pierced ears. I would prefer just a card.
Load More Replies...
Tobias Reaper 1 month ago
so he is having mental health issues and she tried to make it about herself instead of supporting her partner she instead made it about how upset she is. This screams narcissism any issue he has in future she will somehow make it about her how it affects her YTA
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago (edited)
In giftgiving you consider first and foremost the other person 's tastes and sense of humor. OP 's parents forget to teach her this.
Binky Melnik 1 month ago (edited)
I spose my “love language” is giving, too, because when I leave the house, I grab something the other person likes: a bottle of their favorite soda, a chunk of cheese they like, the new shoelaces they keep forgetting to get for themselves, etc. Notice I’m getting things the other person LOVES, NEEDS, or WANTS. I don’t get MY favorite soda, cheese, and hot pink laces; I get what THEY want. It’s really not that difficult; it only requires listening and remembering. By showing that I listen and remember, I’m saying “I love you and I care about you.” This girl seems to do the opposite and then cries because her doesn’t appreciate HER favorite items. That shell monstrosity shows absolutely NO thought, NO care, and that she doesn’t LISTEN to him. I’d be insulted and then horrified when someone harangued me to hang it!
Deborah B 1 month ago
Talk to your BF, not about your feelings - you objectively suck, but about his: How does he feel loved? The love-language thing is supposed to help you express love in your partner's love language, not to be used to bludgeon them with yours. Your "heartfelt gift" is you repeatedly violating his boundries, stressing him out, and forcing him to manage your feelings so you don't feel rejected when he doesn't want this "meaningful" thing that is not at all his style or taste. There's nothing loving in what you're doing. You're really coming over as a covert narcissist.
tw 72 1 month ago (edited)
I heard an interesting description of the difference between a gift and a present (but I don't remember which is which): One is something the receiver actually wants and the other is what the giver wants to give. These can be two very different things. (Like he wants a new PlayStation but she wants to give him grandpa's toolchest.)
Lady Eowyn 1 month ago
That shell thing is tacky. I love making and giving gifts, but I tailor them to what the recipient likes. If they don't like it, fine. I've never run into that, luckily, because I only make things for people I know and care for. I love seeing things I've given, being used/displayed.
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
So, OP doesn't listen and simply cannot respect her bf's boundary. Clearly they are not compatible. They've only been together 2 years and have already had issues. She's so into herself she can't even see the other person. Maybe some personal therapy before the next relationship would help. I doubt this one will survive her clueless boundary stomping.
Tabitha 1 month ago
I’m a woman, old enough to be a grandma, and I wouldn’t hang that thing in my house. BF probably goes on the down low for gifts with OP because she consistently comes up with tack like this. Doesn’t matter if it’s handmade. If it’s tacky, it ain’t going on display in my house.
Katarzyna Drozd 1 month ago
Well if you want to give him a gift, give him something HE wants and needs. Make him a breakfast, listen to him, comfort him. Give him a ticket to an event HE is passionate about, gift card to HIS favourite shop. Giving him an artwork that YOU like and nagging him to put it on the wall is the opposite of what he needs. He does not need another problem to think about, when he is in bad mental state.
marcelo D. 1 month ago
op has basically answered that "i am hurt because it was meaningful to me" the gift was never for or about the boyfriend
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
Never buy art for someone that is not an artist they have expressly showed an interest in. And even then tread carefully. I keep being gifted jewellery. This is lovely. Except at most I wear a velcro watch when I travel. To me, it's lazy gifting - just buy me a candle if you have to - I certainly love those!
K Barnes 1 month ago
I don't wear jewelry either, I haven't for at least 20 years and get gifted it all the time. I've gotten earring several times and don't have pierced ears. I would prefer just a card.
Load More Replies... Tobias Reaper 1 month ago
so he is having mental health issues and she tried to make it about herself instead of supporting her partner she instead made it about how upset she is. This screams narcissism any issue he has in future she will somehow make it about her how it affects her YTA
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago (edited)
In giftgiving you consider first and foremost the other person 's tastes and sense of humor. OP 's parents forget to teach her this.
Binky Melnik 1 month ago (edited)
I spose my “love language” is giving, too, because when I leave the house, I grab something the other person likes: a bottle of their favorite soda, a chunk of cheese they like, the new shoelaces they keep forgetting to get for themselves, etc. Notice I’m getting things the other person LOVES, NEEDS, or WANTS. I don’t get MY favorite soda, cheese, and hot pink laces; I get what THEY want. It’s really not that difficult; it only requires listening and remembering. By showing that I listen and remember, I’m saying “I love you and I care about you.” This girl seems to do the opposite and then cries because her doesn’t appreciate HER favorite items. That shell monstrosity shows absolutely NO thought, NO care, and that she doesn’t LISTEN to him. I’d be insulted and then horrified when someone harangued me to hang it!
Deborah B 1 month ago
Talk to your BF, not about your feelings - you objectively suck, but about his: How does he feel loved? The love-language thing is supposed to help you express love in your partner's love language, not to be used to bludgeon them with yours. Your "heartfelt gift" is you repeatedly violating his boundries, stressing him out, and forcing him to manage your feelings so you don't feel rejected when he doesn't want this "meaningful" thing that is not at all his style or taste. There's nothing loving in what you're doing. You're really coming over as a covert narcissist.
tw 72 1 month ago (edited)
I heard an interesting description of the difference between a gift and a present (but I don't remember which is which): One is something the receiver actually wants and the other is what the giver wants to give. These can be two very different things. (Like he wants a new PlayStation but she wants to give him grandpa's toolchest.)
Lady Eowyn 1 month ago
That shell thing is tacky. I love making and giving gifts, but I tailor them to what the recipient likes. If they don't like it, fine. I've never run into that, luckily, because I only make things for people I know and care for. I love seeing things I've given, being used/displayed.
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
So, OP doesn't listen and simply cannot respect her bf's boundary. Clearly they are not compatible. They've only been together 2 years and have already had issues. She's so into herself she can't even see the other person. Maybe some personal therapy before the next relationship would help. I doubt this one will survive her clueless boundary stomping.
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