Girlfriend Breaks Up Over Feuding With BF’s Female Friend, Unhinged Messages Follow
Interview With ExpertIt’s not always a requirement for you to like your partner’s friends, but you should at least have a healthy relationship of some sort with them. However, sometimes an established friendship can become an actual long-term issue for a couple, so it’s always healthy to tell your partner how you feel.
A woman asked for some relationship advice when she realized her boyfriend’s female friend truly disliked her. We got in touch with licensed therapist and founder of Remble, Jordan Green, to learn more about boundaries in relationships. We also reached out to the woman who shared the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Your partner’s friends might not always like you
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A woman decided that she had enough of her BF’s female friend bullying her
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Your partner can break your trust often without even realizing it
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Bored Panda got in touch with licensed therapist and founder of Remble, Jordan Green, to learn more about trust and boundaries in relationships and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. First, we wanted to hear about some of the more common breaches of trust in general. “Lying or hiding information is a clear breach of trust, often beginning with initial dishonesty and secrecy that starts long beforehand. More frequently, I see lies of omission, where partners fail to share important feelings, thoughts, or experiences. For example, not sharing concerns about job stress or hiding doubts about your relationship can create distance,” she shared.
“When we are not honest with ourselves about our own needs, desires, or feelings, we can unconsciously behave in ways that breach trust. We might hide our true emotions to avoid vulnerability or discomfort, which prevents authentic connection. Avoiding difficult conversations or pretending everything is fine when it’s not can create a facade of trust that eventually crumbles. For instance, avoiding discussions about financial stress or unresolved conflicts can lead to growing resentment and misunderstandings.”
“Making promises and then breaking them is another way trust is eroded. If you promise to be home at 5pm. but show up at 5:30 without updating your partner, it undermines reliability and consistency. This seemingly small act, if repeated, can signal to your partner that they are not a priority, which creates insecurity and doubt.”
There are some steps people can take to help bring trust back in their relationships
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So we then wanted to know what couples can do to rebuild trust. “One of the simplest and most effective ways to establish trust is to be open and honest about your feelings, thoughts, and experiences. Sharing your inner world with your partner creates a sense of safety and connection. Consistent and reliable behavior is another way to build trust. Keeping promises, following through on commitments, and being dependable in everyday actions show your partner that they can count on you. For example, if you say you’ll be home at a certain time, make sure to follow through or communicate any changes,” she shared with Bored Panda.
“Truly listening to your partner without interrupting or judging is also important for building trust. Being present and responsive to their needs, showing vulnerability, and sharing your own emotions can encourage your partner to do the same. During conflict, a simple yet powerful repair practice is to pause, sit facing each other, hold hands, and make eye contact. Begin to breathe slowly and deeply together, synchronizing your breaths.”
“As you do this, focus on the connection between you, allowing the shared breathing and eye contact to calm your nervous systems and reduce tension. After a few minutes, remind each other that you are on the same team, that you care deeply about one another, and that you are committed to working through challenges together. This practice not only de-escalates conflict but also reinforces your bond and shared commitment, ultimately deepening trust between you.”
Forgiving someone can often be too much to deal with
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This is all easier said than done, as forgiveness can be pretty hard at times. “Forgiving a partner after they do something wrong can be challenging for several reasons. Trust, once broken, takes time and effort to rebuild. When trust is compromised, it often triggers deep emotional wounds and feelings of hurt and anger. These emotions need to be acknowledged and processed before forgiveness can occur.”
“There’s often a fear that the wrongdoing will happen again, creating anxiety and uncertainty about the future of the relationship. When trust is broken, the sense of safety is shattered. Many find themselves replaying the event in their minds, making it difficult to move forward. How the injured partner interprets the intention behind the act also plays a role; if seen as intentionally hurtful, forgiveness becomes even harder.”
“Forgiveness requires vulnerability. The injured partner might hold onto their anger as a way to protect themselves from further harm. Moving beyond this can be challenging and requires a strong belief that the relationship is worth the effort. Forgiveness is a journey that involves both partners working together to rebuild trust, communicate openly, and demonstrate commitment to change. It requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to heal together. While the path may be difficult, many couples find that working through these challenges can ultimately bring them closer and make their relationship more resilient.” If you want to read what happened to this couple, the woman later shared an update, which can be found below.
Readers shared their thoughts and gave some suggestions
Others shared similar stories
A few days later, she shared an update
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Commenters shared their thoughts on the ex and his friend
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
It's a good thing they split, the bf was never going to be on op's side when it came to Nell. He could only see it as jealousy and refused to even consider that Nell was not the misunderstood innocent party. Hopefully op will find love with someone who puts her first.
I had a similar situation, but my husband listened to my concerns. As it turned out, there was no attraction - she just happened to be needy and high maintenance. We agreed on the following: meeting for coffee and sandwiches okay, but no fancy restaurants. His other female friend has never been a problem and we get along fine.
Load More Replies...The fact that he didn't "notice" Nell being a b***h to his own girlfriend and didn't defend her should've been the first, and only clue, needed to end this farce.
I hear that but I bet he did notice....he sounds like a very emotionally immature person so perhaps it was attention or some drama he actually enjoyed oddly lol but yes glad she ended it!
Load More Replies...He knew exactly what he was doing, and he enjoyed it. He has his girlfriend, and his Nell friend who obviously has a thing for him. He kept them at each other's throats in order to feed his ego by leading Nell on to keep her around, and gaslighting his girlfriend to make her think she was in the wrong to be hurt. He's probably an incel to hate women so much that he plays those games. He was actually hurting both of them.
OP should've had "the talk" 2 years ago with BF. She let it go on too long.
the op sounds really healthy mentally, I wish her well :) While it's easy for me to speak from my point of view after 40 years of friendships, relationship & just life experience, I just wish younger peeps would look at dating more rationally; if you are made to feel bad by your friend/partner take that as a sign to peacefully end the situation & MOVE ON! there are so many other friends, lovers, travels etc that are out there for you! :)
I was the friend, but was not mean. She was mean - he married her. A few years later he called and told me it should have been us - it’s too late when kids are involved, and he should have maned up then. We are still great friends, always were, we always will be and will always wonder. He has two fantastic kids and is a great Dad. She is still mean, now she tops it off with alcohol
Every woman I've ever known who's had a close male friend they're not romantically interested in, has been excessively clear and open-book any time that male friend is in a relationship. My bestie and I were exactly the same when our friend got a new girlfriend (now wife) we were inclusive an unobtrusive, and made it clear we would never go after someone already in a relationship. This girl? If she's not outright lying to OP, then she is lying to herself and is very very bad at hiding her true feelings.
I would never for the life of me understand these situations. As a woman in engineering most of my friends and colleagues are male, but there are very stict boundaries. One of them is, the moment one of my friends even slightly disrespects my partner, the relationship ends. The moment they flirt with me, the relationship ends. I do the same for my friends. I always try to involve their partners in activities. I'm even extra nice to their partners and use any excuse to bring up my husband, just so they know I'm not after their man. Nelly is just a narcissist who enjoys drama. It's gross!
As a long term single woman (by choice), I've always had to go the extra mile to prove to my guy friends partners that I'm not a threat to their relationship. I don't understand insecure drama queens that feed off of that type of drama. My theory has always been; "if I wanted your man,I'd already have him" AND "If I were you, I'd be jealous of me too". Lol some people will always try to rage bait you to argue with them, like a neglected child acting out for any kind of attention. Narcissists take sadistic delight in triangulating their victim with one of their bullying enablers, it's sick. There are so many women that give us all a bad name, like this Nelly psycho in op story. It's nice to see that other ladies with integrity do the same as I do. I've had so many random women hate my guts for just existing, and being friends with their boyfriend, it's insane. But then there are also those guys who will bait their girlfriends and try to make her jealous of a female friend on purpose!
Load More Replies...Good for you for escaping that Gaslighting nightmare. They're both skilled at lying and gaslighting. I'm sure you aren't the first nor will you be the last. It took a lot of strength to listening and heed your instincts. Good for you. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. Someone with character is out there waiting. All the Best!
I wish we taught teenagers about relationship red flags, healthy intimacy, and how to prioritize themselves over any temporary, random partner they're dating for the moment. Too often, young adults stay in unhealthy, abusive, gaslighting relationships that destroy their mental health. People domt know how to sit with their own feelings and discomfort, or how to authentically self soothe, or how to leave a bad relationship. Often, people recreate unhealthy family dynamics that they witnessed growing up. We are failing our children, when the children/teens deserve to be invested in as they truly are the future.
Load More Replies...Its good to know that OPs actions eo triggered ans upset some random hateful twat that she had to scream text walls of gaslighting. Why respond she just ran around declaring she won and is better off without trash BF.
It's a good thing they split, the bf was never going to be on op's side when it came to Nell. He could only see it as jealousy and refused to even consider that Nell was not the misunderstood innocent party. Hopefully op will find love with someone who puts her first.
I had a similar situation, but my husband listened to my concerns. As it turned out, there was no attraction - she just happened to be needy and high maintenance. We agreed on the following: meeting for coffee and sandwiches okay, but no fancy restaurants. His other female friend has never been a problem and we get along fine.
Load More Replies...The fact that he didn't "notice" Nell being a b***h to his own girlfriend and didn't defend her should've been the first, and only clue, needed to end this farce.
I hear that but I bet he did notice....he sounds like a very emotionally immature person so perhaps it was attention or some drama he actually enjoyed oddly lol but yes glad she ended it!
Load More Replies...He knew exactly what he was doing, and he enjoyed it. He has his girlfriend, and his Nell friend who obviously has a thing for him. He kept them at each other's throats in order to feed his ego by leading Nell on to keep her around, and gaslighting his girlfriend to make her think she was in the wrong to be hurt. He's probably an incel to hate women so much that he plays those games. He was actually hurting both of them.
OP should've had "the talk" 2 years ago with BF. She let it go on too long.
the op sounds really healthy mentally, I wish her well :) While it's easy for me to speak from my point of view after 40 years of friendships, relationship & just life experience, I just wish younger peeps would look at dating more rationally; if you are made to feel bad by your friend/partner take that as a sign to peacefully end the situation & MOVE ON! there are so many other friends, lovers, travels etc that are out there for you! :)
I was the friend, but was not mean. She was mean - he married her. A few years later he called and told me it should have been us - it’s too late when kids are involved, and he should have maned up then. We are still great friends, always were, we always will be and will always wonder. He has two fantastic kids and is a great Dad. She is still mean, now she tops it off with alcohol
Every woman I've ever known who's had a close male friend they're not romantically interested in, has been excessively clear and open-book any time that male friend is in a relationship. My bestie and I were exactly the same when our friend got a new girlfriend (now wife) we were inclusive an unobtrusive, and made it clear we would never go after someone already in a relationship. This girl? If she's not outright lying to OP, then she is lying to herself and is very very bad at hiding her true feelings.
I would never for the life of me understand these situations. As a woman in engineering most of my friends and colleagues are male, but there are very stict boundaries. One of them is, the moment one of my friends even slightly disrespects my partner, the relationship ends. The moment they flirt with me, the relationship ends. I do the same for my friends. I always try to involve their partners in activities. I'm even extra nice to their partners and use any excuse to bring up my husband, just so they know I'm not after their man. Nelly is just a narcissist who enjoys drama. It's gross!
As a long term single woman (by choice), I've always had to go the extra mile to prove to my guy friends partners that I'm not a threat to their relationship. I don't understand insecure drama queens that feed off of that type of drama. My theory has always been; "if I wanted your man,I'd already have him" AND "If I were you, I'd be jealous of me too". Lol some people will always try to rage bait you to argue with them, like a neglected child acting out for any kind of attention. Narcissists take sadistic delight in triangulating their victim with one of their bullying enablers, it's sick. There are so many women that give us all a bad name, like this Nelly psycho in op story. It's nice to see that other ladies with integrity do the same as I do. I've had so many random women hate my guts for just existing, and being friends with their boyfriend, it's insane. But then there are also those guys who will bait their girlfriends and try to make her jealous of a female friend on purpose!
Load More Replies...Good for you for escaping that Gaslighting nightmare. They're both skilled at lying and gaslighting. I'm sure you aren't the first nor will you be the last. It took a lot of strength to listening and heed your instincts. Good for you. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. Someone with character is out there waiting. All the Best!
I wish we taught teenagers about relationship red flags, healthy intimacy, and how to prioritize themselves over any temporary, random partner they're dating for the moment. Too often, young adults stay in unhealthy, abusive, gaslighting relationships that destroy their mental health. People domt know how to sit with their own feelings and discomfort, or how to authentically self soothe, or how to leave a bad relationship. Often, people recreate unhealthy family dynamics that they witnessed growing up. We are failing our children, when the children/teens deserve to be invested in as they truly are the future.
Load More Replies...Its good to know that OPs actions eo triggered ans upset some random hateful twat that she had to scream text walls of gaslighting. Why respond she just ran around declaring she won and is better off without trash BF.

























































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