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11
“Can’t Get The Mental Picture Out Of His Head”: Guy Leaves Relationship Over Old Pic
Infidelity is really a relationship ender. While every couple might have different expectations and rules, breaking those is, by definition, cheating. But, life is rarely that black and white, so sometimes couples have to negotiate differences in perception. As one can imagine, sometimes this doesn’t go over well.
A woman asked the internet what to do when her boyfriend of one year (this is relevant) started to accuse her of “micro-cheating” after finding a picture on her phone from before their relationship. We reached out to the woman who shared the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
RELATED:
Normally, things that happened before a relationship stay in the past
Image credits: Sudatip T. / unsplash (not the actual photo)
So one woman didn’t quite know what to do when her BF accused her of “micro-cheating”
Image credits: Hannah Busing / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Joshua Reddekopp / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mathilde LMD / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Emotional_Art588
It can be hard to pin down what is insecurity and what is actually cheating
Image credits: Daniel Martinez / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Micro-cheating is the dishonest acts that just barely amount to overt cheating, but nonetheless function in opposition to a partner’s trust, Internet flirting, having secretive conversation with an ex, or talking about intimate things to someone outside the relationship. These small things individually are sufficient to break emotional safety. But when awareness of micro-cheating as a tool of manipulation enters the scene, the dynamic shifts less about boundary-testing and more about manipulating feelings.
At face value, calling out a person for micro-cheating seems like good sense, no one wants his or her beloved to be sharing sweet nothings with another. But others employ the term as a means of keeping their lover in suspense. Through accusing an intimate partner of “micro-cheating” on occasion of harmless interactions, a good-morning text from a friendly coworker, a social-media-comment “Like,” a comment on someone else’s vacation photo, they manufacture crises that need to be dealt with at once.
Suddenly an innocent exchange is re-defined as a grave betrayal, making the accused partner defensive: “How dare you doubt my fidelity?” becomes the reflexive response, rather than examining the real issue at hand. This ploy depends on emotional vagueness. If you’re constantly second-guessing your own behavior yourself, questioning whether greeting a co-worker is emotional infidelity, you may begin to quash basic social needs. The manipulator’s insinuation, expressed with feigned hurt or moral outrage, generates guilt and fear. It also causes them self-appointed guardians of the “purity” of the relationship, even when what is and isn’t acceptable grows too mushy to discern.
Often, the accusations are enough to make the relationship fall apart
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Over time, this constant policing wears down self-esteem: you start thinking that you have to censor every thought or encounter in advance lest you invite more recriminations. Moreover, the accusation of micro-cheating can also be an easy distraction from the manipulator’s own weaknesses. For instance, if one partner sends flirtatious messages or hides financial issues secretly behind their partner’s back. By blaming their partner initially for micro-cheating, they distract from their own behavior. Any attempt the other party makes to question or ask is waved away as “jumping to conclusions” or “making mountains out of molehills,” even when it was their own partner who had first set up a vague boundary.
The accuser is labeled paranoid or insecure, while the true culprit goes unchecked. Alienation is another certain by-product. If you’re constantly reminded that normal social contact is evidence of infidelity, you may withdraw from friends and relatives so that you won’t be in conflict with your partner. The abuser exploits this shrinking social network, so the partner only has the relationship as a source of friendship, or self-worth. Basically, they’re employing “micro-cheating” as a chain to tie their partner to the relationship through fear of unwarranted accusation.
Toxic partners can use claims of “micro-cheating” to manipulate people
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
This erodes autonomy and promotes dependence, which will be seized on by the manipulator as mere “evidence” that their partner loves them completely. Of course, not every problem with boundaries or emotional fidelity is manipulation. Normal couples haggle about what is good: can flirting via text message be acceptable, or is it too much? The warning flag is raised when that haggling isn’t equal, when one party demands total surrender and uses name-calling as a bargaining chip rather than good old-fashioned talk. Actual partnership relies on trust and actual respect for each other’s feelings, not terror of a perpetually moving goalpost.
Recognizing micro-cheating as manipulative is the start of reclaiming emotional autonomy. If you are constantly apologizing for harmless interactions, or if you are drained from the constant guilt over harmless actions, take a moment to ask yourself: Who benefits from these accusations? Is there an open and straightforward agreement on the acceptable limits, or is the definition being adjusted to satisfy only one’s own anxieties? Drawing a clear line, respectfully but firmly, around outlandish micro-cheating claims can put things in balance again.
Being open and honest, and regular practice, can re-erect trust on solid foundations instead of someone else’s shifting moral quicksand. Micro-cheating can never be a catch-all excuse for quashing normal social life or avoiding personal responsibility. Manipulation by accusation instead of sincere concern starts to taint rather than protect the relationship. Clear boundaries and firmness against coercion from ambiguous “rules” are required for a relationship based on honesty and not hidden agendas.
Most though she was not in the wrong
[similar stories]
Some thought she wasn’t being honest
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What do you think ?
Jo Firth 6 months ago
What's with the YTA people again (except the last one)? This guy wears a red flag morning, noon and night. This is how abuse begins and we've all seen how it ends. Run now, run fast, run far.
Parmeisan 6 months ago
According to the one, the moment you start dating somebody you should go through your phone (and all printed photos, if you have such things) and trash every photo you have that includes friends. Guys can get jealous, you know. We wouldn't want to encourage that.
Load More Replies...
Nina 6 months ago
Also, she's a hugger and has been trying to change that because she knew it would be a problem? Wth?! She should be able to hug anyone she wants, he hasn't got an exclusive-access card for her body
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 6 months ago
WTF? Get some self respect and find an actual adult to date. You don't owe him ANY apologies! He doesn't get to tell you what you were allowed to do before you were with him. That's madness!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
So, by his rubric, if he's ever kissed, hugged, or otherwise touched a woman, even before he was dating OP, he was ALSO "micro-cheating" and ought to apologize to her.
arthbach 6 months ago
This is most definitely a case of 'escape whilst you can'. This man's use of logic is non-existent. It's up to each individual as to how they share their body, and granting 'access' is in the individual's gift, not a future partner's. You can't cheat on a person before a relationship becomes exclusive.
Wintermute 6 months ago
This is called Retroactive Jealousy, and it falls on the OCD spectrum. It can be treated and moved past, or it can destroy a relationship (sometimes dangerously). It's up to the person experiencing it to realized the pathology and take steps to improving it though. Nothing anyone else can do until that acceptance happens. If he can't see that, move on.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
It falls on the gaslighting controlling pos spectrum more like !!
Load More Replies... 
Sparkle 6 months ago
That's dangerous territory. He's making her feel bad for normal behavior. She is already questioning herself I hope she left. It's so easy to write things off that are not normal as being normal or it's something so tiny and look back and go how did I miss it. I'm going to tack on man or woman or child that is experiencing or has experienced abu$e never blame yourself for how long you stayed or the signs you missed because it happens so slowly. YOU ARE NEVER TO BLAME!! It's hard but give yourself grace and acceptances and remember you are not a victim you are a survivor. So change the narrative that we were or are victims but survivors, warriors and stronger than the average human being. Even in midst of it rember you are worth loving and leaving is never easy so don't be hard on yourself. Your trying to stay alive and anyone that judges you they don't deserve you! Sorry every now and then I throw this out hopping it may resonate with someone and lift them up. I know it did me.
Day Andie 6 months ago
Psychological-Way400 is totally wacko and just as manipulative as your a*s of a (hopefully ex)boyfriend! You are ALLOWED to keep photos of your ex.That is YOUR personal and private past, a part of who you are. Sure, pics shouldn't be on your coffee table/looked at daily, but getting rid of YOUR history 'because a man goes into overdrive" is b******t. That "man" can take his overdrive into therapy and find out why he's so insecure and such a baby, as well as why he feels a need to control a woman. No real man will expect that you should have not been dating or having any kind of relationship before you are officially a couple. That's none of his business, and it's none of yours what he did/did not do before he committed. A couple dates doesn't constitute being in a relationship. He'll soon be accusing you of micro-cheating if you talk on the phone to a friend, or walk in the hallway with male coworkers. He's hammering you. Why subject yourself to his abuse?. Dump the controlling clown.
SirWriteALot 6 months ago
One simply does not touch another ones phone. One does even less DELETE FRICKIN PHOTOS FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S PHONES wtf, man?
Mad McQueen 6 months ago
This dude really finding anyway possible to break up with her an she keeps groveling to get back together. And not only did he delete your personal photos he double deleted. Delete him now. Screw someone who makes you feel you need to apologize over a photo before you even started to date.
Deborah B 6 months ago
He's angry about you hugging a friend before you and he were exclusive? You're trying to change yourself because he has a problem with you hugging people platonicly? He's making you apologise, saying he forgives you, then making you apologise again, all for something that he has no right to an apology for? This guy is a controlling and manipulative a*****e. However good you think he is, please recognise that he has been love bombing you, and is now showing his true colours. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells, or apologise for hugging your friends. This is the start of him making you feel insecure and guilty, and him controlling you, and isolating you from your friends. Dump his a*s and move on.
Kkg 6 months ago
My ex wanted me to apologize (?) for having s*x before him. He even invented 2 separate categories for why I should apologize. I not only had s*x (once), but I had it multiple times (with one guy) so now because of my actions he couldn't be the first guy for me, but also couldn't be the one who had s*x multiple times with me (for the first time). It's been 25 years and I still cannot believe that he actually told me that.
Lee Banks 6 months ago
Even if bro isn't being intentionally a manipulative, insecure pile of absolute waste of time, that's what he is. If your person starts pulling this sort of behavior, get out. They could be the nicest person on the planet, but this is toxic. It will only escalate. Run. (Do be wary of love-bombing.)
Babs McGurk 6 months ago
You need to dump this guy NOW. This is the first in (probably) a series of red flags that will pop up as he becomes more and more controlling in your relationship. Calling a photo from your past "micro-cheating" (whatever THAT is), then deleting the photo without asking should have been enough for you to end it. I hope you will, and soon.
JayWantsACat 6 months ago
I only date one person at a time but we're not "official" until we're official. Sure, if I liked that person and we got along really well and they were dating other people, I'd probably be disappointed. But it's honestly weird to feel that anyone owes you anything at that point. And to call it cheating is laughable.
Dirk Daring 6 months ago (edited)
That dude is reaching insecurity levels that shouldn't even be possible.
Jay Cee 2 months ago
I dug out an old book for my (grown up) daughter that had been stored in the attic for many, many years. Tucked inside the back cover were three photographs of the girl I'd dated way before I met and married my daughter's mother. D said "Is this your ex? Wow, she's pretty. You really had good taste in women didn't you?" Because, like I said, she's a GROWN UP not like thi d****e.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
GASLIGHTING at its finest right there op !! he is a controlling vile pos ! So your the kind that hugs people so freaking what , n also wtf is micro cheating 🤷♀️ YTA , you’re clearly the kinda of pos like this bloke !!! Inhuman trolls totally . Op please do not contribute he with this bloke , I’ve been there married it lived it for 14 long yrs, before I saw it , now60 I’m staying divorced n single cos of it ! n I’ve still got the scars mentally n physically !!! don’t fall in to that trap. THIS BLOKE IS A WALKING RED FLAG VISIBLE FROM SPACE !! there was nothing wrong with that pic , n he also has no right what so ever to even touch YOUR phone , yours not his !! you can get the pic back btw n you keep on being you , n you hug who you want , cos that can truely make someone’s day ! Obvs long as you ask em of course lol , blessed be x
KatSaidWhat 5 months ago
Your boyfriend is a f*****g moron and so are all the incels agreeing with him. Please update with how you broke up with him.
Linda Horan 6 months ago
Fighting to restore love and peace in my relationship was incredibly frustrating—until I came across a video of a woman sharing her testimony about how her marriage was restored. It gave me hope for something I never thought was possible. Now, my partner and I are happily reunited, living in love and harmony. I’m truly grateful to Priest Sims for the help he gave me and my family. If you're struggling in your marriage or relationship, don’t give up—there’s still hope. You can reach out:(supremacylovespell01 @ gmail. com ).
Gavin Johnson 6 months ago
You aren’t going to believe this but my current partner has two children from her previous relationship, she was married to him before we met and she split up with him before we met. I’m only just discovering that this is a form of cheating. She’s even kept the children and they both hang around her home like they belong there, they are a constant reminder that she had a previous relationship. I can’t take it any longer, I’m going to get her to delete them ‘cause the whole situation is beyond a joke. She shouldn’t have anything lying around that may harm my fragile sensibilities.
Donna Culp 6 months ago
After six years of relationship, my partner and I got separated. Despite my efforts, nothing worked—until I sought spiritual guidance from priest Sims. His prayers and support led to a reconciliation I once thought impossible. We are now happily reunited, and I truly believe in the power of prayer. If you’re facing relationship challenges, don’t give up. Reach out Priest Sims (supremacylovespell01 @ gmail. com).
Jo Firth 6 months ago
What's with the YTA people again (except the last one)? This guy wears a red flag morning, noon and night. This is how abuse begins and we've all seen how it ends. Run now, run fast, run far.
Parmeisan 6 months ago
According to the one, the moment you start dating somebody you should go through your phone (and all printed photos, if you have such things) and trash every photo you have that includes friends. Guys can get jealous, you know. We wouldn't want to encourage that.
Load More Replies... Nina 6 months ago
Also, she's a hugger and has been trying to change that because she knew it would be a problem? Wth?! She should be able to hug anyone she wants, he hasn't got an exclusive-access card for her body
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 6 months ago
WTF? Get some self respect and find an actual adult to date. You don't owe him ANY apologies! He doesn't get to tell you what you were allowed to do before you were with him. That's madness!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
So, by his rubric, if he's ever kissed, hugged, or otherwise touched a woman, even before he was dating OP, he was ALSO "micro-cheating" and ought to apologize to her.
arthbach 6 months ago
This is most definitely a case of 'escape whilst you can'. This man's use of logic is non-existent. It's up to each individual as to how they share their body, and granting 'access' is in the individual's gift, not a future partner's. You can't cheat on a person before a relationship becomes exclusive.
Wintermute 6 months ago
This is called Retroactive Jealousy, and it falls on the OCD spectrum. It can be treated and moved past, or it can destroy a relationship (sometimes dangerously). It's up to the person experiencing it to realized the pathology and take steps to improving it though. Nothing anyone else can do until that acceptance happens. If he can't see that, move on.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
It falls on the gaslighting controlling pos spectrum more like !!
Load More Replies... Sparkle 6 months ago
That's dangerous territory. He's making her feel bad for normal behavior. She is already questioning herself I hope she left. It's so easy to write things off that are not normal as being normal or it's something so tiny and look back and go how did I miss it. I'm going to tack on man or woman or child that is experiencing or has experienced abu$e never blame yourself for how long you stayed or the signs you missed because it happens so slowly. YOU ARE NEVER TO BLAME!! It's hard but give yourself grace and acceptances and remember you are not a victim you are a survivor. So change the narrative that we were or are victims but survivors, warriors and stronger than the average human being. Even in midst of it rember you are worth loving and leaving is never easy so don't be hard on yourself. Your trying to stay alive and anyone that judges you they don't deserve you! Sorry every now and then I throw this out hopping it may resonate with someone and lift them up. I know it did me.
Day Andie 6 months ago
Psychological-Way400 is totally wacko and just as manipulative as your a*s of a (hopefully ex)boyfriend! You are ALLOWED to keep photos of your ex.That is YOUR personal and private past, a part of who you are. Sure, pics shouldn't be on your coffee table/looked at daily, but getting rid of YOUR history 'because a man goes into overdrive" is b******t. That "man" can take his overdrive into therapy and find out why he's so insecure and such a baby, as well as why he feels a need to control a woman. No real man will expect that you should have not been dating or having any kind of relationship before you are officially a couple. That's none of his business, and it's none of yours what he did/did not do before he committed. A couple dates doesn't constitute being in a relationship. He'll soon be accusing you of micro-cheating if you talk on the phone to a friend, or walk in the hallway with male coworkers. He's hammering you. Why subject yourself to his abuse?. Dump the controlling clown.
SirWriteALot 6 months ago
One simply does not touch another ones phone. One does even less DELETE FRICKIN PHOTOS FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S PHONES wtf, man?
Mad McQueen 6 months ago
This dude really finding anyway possible to break up with her an she keeps groveling to get back together. And not only did he delete your personal photos he double deleted. Delete him now. Screw someone who makes you feel you need to apologize over a photo before you even started to date.
Deborah B 6 months ago
He's angry about you hugging a friend before you and he were exclusive? You're trying to change yourself because he has a problem with you hugging people platonicly? He's making you apologise, saying he forgives you, then making you apologise again, all for something that he has no right to an apology for? This guy is a controlling and manipulative a*****e. However good you think he is, please recognise that he has been love bombing you, and is now showing his true colours. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells, or apologise for hugging your friends. This is the start of him making you feel insecure and guilty, and him controlling you, and isolating you from your friends. Dump his a*s and move on.
Kkg 6 months ago
My ex wanted me to apologize (?) for having s*x before him. He even invented 2 separate categories for why I should apologize. I not only had s*x (once), but I had it multiple times (with one guy) so now because of my actions he couldn't be the first guy for me, but also couldn't be the one who had s*x multiple times with me (for the first time). It's been 25 years and I still cannot believe that he actually told me that.
Lee Banks 6 months ago
Even if bro isn't being intentionally a manipulative, insecure pile of absolute waste of time, that's what he is. If your person starts pulling this sort of behavior, get out. They could be the nicest person on the planet, but this is toxic. It will only escalate. Run. (Do be wary of love-bombing.)
Babs McGurk 6 months ago
You need to dump this guy NOW. This is the first in (probably) a series of red flags that will pop up as he becomes more and more controlling in your relationship. Calling a photo from your past "micro-cheating" (whatever THAT is), then deleting the photo without asking should have been enough for you to end it. I hope you will, and soon.
JayWantsACat 6 months ago
I only date one person at a time but we're not "official" until we're official. Sure, if I liked that person and we got along really well and they were dating other people, I'd probably be disappointed. But it's honestly weird to feel that anyone owes you anything at that point. And to call it cheating is laughable.
Dirk Daring 6 months ago (edited)
That dude is reaching insecurity levels that shouldn't even be possible.
Jay Cee 2 months ago
I dug out an old book for my (grown up) daughter that had been stored in the attic for many, many years. Tucked inside the back cover were three photographs of the girl I'd dated way before I met and married my daughter's mother. D said "Is this your ex? Wow, she's pretty. You really had good taste in women didn't you?" Because, like I said, she's a GROWN UP not like thi d****e.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
GASLIGHTING at its finest right there op !! he is a controlling vile pos ! So your the kind that hugs people so freaking what , n also wtf is micro cheating 🤷♀️ YTA , you’re clearly the kinda of pos like this bloke !!! Inhuman trolls totally . Op please do not contribute he with this bloke , I’ve been there married it lived it for 14 long yrs, before I saw it , now60 I’m staying divorced n single cos of it ! n I’ve still got the scars mentally n physically !!! don’t fall in to that trap. THIS BLOKE IS A WALKING RED FLAG VISIBLE FROM SPACE !! there was nothing wrong with that pic , n he also has no right what so ever to even touch YOUR phone , yours not his !! you can get the pic back btw n you keep on being you , n you hug who you want , cos that can truely make someone’s day ! Obvs long as you ask em of course lol , blessed be x
KatSaidWhat 5 months ago
Your boyfriend is a f*****g moron and so are all the incels agreeing with him. Please update with how you broke up with him.
Linda Horan 6 months ago
Fighting to restore love and peace in my relationship was incredibly frustrating—until I came across a video of a woman sharing her testimony about how her marriage was restored. It gave me hope for something I never thought was possible. Now, my partner and I are happily reunited, living in love and harmony. I’m truly grateful to Priest Sims for the help he gave me and my family. If you're struggling in your marriage or relationship, don’t give up—there’s still hope. You can reach out:(supremacylovespell01 @ gmail. com ).
Gavin Johnson 6 months ago
You aren’t going to believe this but my current partner has two children from her previous relationship, she was married to him before we met and she split up with him before we met. I’m only just discovering that this is a form of cheating. She’s even kept the children and they both hang around her home like they belong there, they are a constant reminder that she had a previous relationship. I can’t take it any longer, I’m going to get her to delete them ‘cause the whole situation is beyond a joke. She shouldn’t have anything lying around that may harm my fragile sensibilities.
Donna Culp 6 months ago
After six years of relationship, my partner and I got separated. Despite my efforts, nothing worked—until I sought spiritual guidance from priest Sims. His prayers and support led to a reconciliation I once thought impossible. We are now happily reunited, and I truly believe in the power of prayer. If you’re facing relationship challenges, don’t give up. Reach out Priest Sims (supremacylovespell01 @ gmail. com).
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