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Thanksgiving Turns Awkward After Couple’s Parents Finally Meet: “He’s Been Lying To Me For 2.5 Years”
Marrying someone does often mean coming to peace with their family one way or another. So one woman asked the internet if she was wrong to blame her fiancé for making their joint Thanksgiving a “disaster” when she discovered that he never told his own parents that hers were polyamorous.
As it turns out, lying and refusing to take any responsibility isn’t a good look. She also posted a sizable update later. We reached out to the woman who made the post via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
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It can be tiring to explain one’s parents unconventional living arrangements sometimes
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But one woman learned on Thanksgiving that her fiancé never told his folks about her parents polyamory
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A relationship, much less a marriage can’t survive dishonesty
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The internet loves a good relationship disaster story, and few deliver quite like the tale of a Thanksgiving dinner where a man’s carefully constructed lie about his fiancée’s polyamorous parents finally collapsed under the weight of basic conversation. A woman grew up in a loving household with two parents and Rose, their partner, all three in a committed relationship together. When she started dating her now-fiancé, she asked him to tell his parents about her family structure. He assured her they were fine with it. They weren’t fine with it, because he never actually told them. For two and a half years, he maintained this deception until everyone ended up at the same Thanksgiving table, where his mother’s confused question about why “Aunt Rose” was going on vacation with the parents detonated the entire facade.
When this story hit the internet, commenters overwhelmingly sided with the fiancée, calling the boyfriend manipulative, cowardly, and fundamentally unsuited for marriage. But what makes this scenario particularly revealing isn’t just the boyfriend’s dishonesty, it’s how it illustrates the ways people convince themselves that avoiding difficult conversations is the same thing as solving problems.
Research on conflict avoidance in relationships shows that people who dodge uncomfortable discussions rarely do so out of malice. They’re usually operating under the belief that if they can just keep everyone happy in the moment, things will somehow work themselves out. The boyfriend likely told himself a story where his parents would eventually meet the family, realize they were normal people, and the polyamory detail would fade into irrelevance. He was buying time, hoping the problem would solve itself. This is, at best, magical thinking.
What’s fascinating is how the boyfriend framed his lie after being caught. He claimed it was “all on his parents for being weirded out and making it awkward,” refusing to accept responsibility for creating the situation in the first place. Studies on attribution bias show that people are remarkably skilled at externalizing blame for their own choices. In his mind, he didn’t lie, he just didn’t volunteer information. His parents were the real problem for not immediately accepting something they’d been deliberately kept in the dark about. This is the logic of someone who’s spent years justifying his deception to himself.
Finding out your partner is ok with lying regularly is rarely pleasant
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Commenters were quick to point out that this wasn’t really about the parents or polyamory at all. It was about a man who demonstrated he would lie to his partner’s face for years rather than have one difficult conversation with his parents. He robbed his fiancée of the ability to make informed decisions about their relationship. She thought she was marrying into a family that accepted hers. Instead, she was marrying into a family that thought Rose was a financially struggling aunt, a deception that would have required constant maintenance for the rest of their lives.
But here’s what makes this story particularly instructive, the boyfriend’s behavior reveals a fundamental misunderstanding about what partnerships require. Marriage isn’t about keeping everyone comfortable all the time. It’s about being willing to have hard conversations, to advocate for your partner even when it’s uncomfortable, to be honest about conflicts rather than papering over them. The boyfriend failed every single one of these tests, and his response when caught was to get angry at his fiancée for holding him accountable.
Research on relationship longevity consistently shows that couples who can navigate difficult conversations together have significantly better outcomes than those who avoid conflict. Not because conflict is good, but because the ability to address problems honestly is essential. The boyfriend’s instinct when faced with a challenging situation was to lie and hope for the best. That’s not a one-time failure of judgment, that’s a pattern of behavior that will resurface every time he faces something uncomfortable.
What commenters recognized immediately was that this man had essentially auditioned for the role of husband and failed spectacularly. He showed his fiancée exactly who he becomes under pressure: someone who lies, deflects blame, and prioritizes his own comfort over everyone else’s dignity. His parents sat through an awkward dinner, but his fiancée’s parents and Rose were ambushed with the knowledge that their daughter’s partner was ashamed of them, or at minimum too cowardly to defend them.
The real issue here isn’t polyamory or conservative parents or awkward holiday meals. It’s about a man who spent two and a half years proving he’s willing to build a relationship on a foundation of strategic omissions, and who got angry when the foundation cracked. Before commenters rushed to condemn him as irredeemable, though, the more interesting question is why so many people recognized this pattern immediately. Perhaps because we’ve all known someone who thinks avoiding hard conversations is the same as handling them well, and we’ve all watched that strategy inevitably collapse. The only surprise here is that it took until Thanksgiving for the reckoning to arrive. If you are curious to learn what happened next, read on.
She gave some more info later
Many readers were surprised by the fiancé not being honest with his parents
She posted an update later
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People thought his excuses were ridiculous
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 3 days ago
The throuple aspect isn't even relevant, fiancé lied repeatedly for years.The relationship isn't in a place where he is able to talk to his partner about difficult topics or his anxiety or whatever is th cause of the lying. This is either because he's so lazy he couldn't be bothered, or because it's not a healthy relationship. At the very least don't get married any time soon
Tabitha 2 days ago
It almost seems like it’s the finance who has an unconscious bias against OP’s lifestyle, even though his parents don’t. He was the one who was too embarrassed to tell them the truth about it, which is what happens when someone is biased against something but wants to have the appearance of being open minded. Yes, even liberal parents can have a child who is extremely—-sometimes even cult-like—-conservative and judgmental of anyone who lives their life in any way different from their own very narrow and unbending rules. Yes, fiancé (spellcheck initially corrected a bad keystroke for the word fiancé to d***e, which I think is kind of apropos) needs counseling. Maybe some cult deprogramming too, while they’re at it.
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Melinda Landis 2 days ago
That’s sad for her, but better finding out now.
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Kari Lynn 2 days ago
The fiance should have leveled with her, and admitted he never told his parents as soon as he knew they were on the way to Thanksgiving dinner. I can think of other things that might come up in the future that the fiance lied about that could potentially be disastrous. She does not need him to be the father of her future children. Also, he's already beginning to practice gaslighting her with this current situation, which is a huge red flag.
Seadog 1 day ago
This reminded me of one of those wife swap shows (I don't normally watch that junk but it was on where I had no control over the TV) and the people didn't know there was a 2nd woman of the house and she let the guest wife know real quick she was the lover of the husband and wife and she has the final say over anything that the crew or guest wife does. Guest wife didn't last long, she walked. Best I remember, the crew was basically told to leave shortly after that.
Jonas Fisher 1 day ago
Sometimes the difficulty with moving past a problem is making sure everyone understands what the actual problem is. OP (very understandably) isn't confident her dude really "gets" what he did wrong. I mean, he knows he lied, and he knows people are angry, but does he really grasp why that is a bad thing? I don't think he does.
Alan Jay Weiner 2 days ago
Don't lie to someone who trusts you. Don't trust someone who lies to you.
Melinda Landis 2 days ago
If his parents were extremely conservative I could get it. Instead, they sound cool, so what was his problem. My husband and I shared a long chunk of our married life with another man. It worked out pretty well for many years, then we divorced but not because of our shared lives. My kid and the other man’s kids were cool with, nothing was hidden except from my ultra conservative parents but they must have suspected. Families come in a real variety of.
Oskar vanZandt 1 hour ago
The boyfriend/fiancée doesn't sound like he's ready for a serious commitment- I can see him bailing if OP got seriously ill.
Emilu 10 hours ago
Stories like this are why people whose relationship isn't a stereotypical 'man and woman' relationship don't want to necessarily discuss it, because they get canoes of the douche like OP's fiancé shaming them (whether he did it inadvertedly or otherwise, he did it). Not to mention the lying for two and a half years to your supposed life-partner and her family. Also the parents were cool with it once they knew, so clearly they're more forward-thinking than their moron of a child. God I hope this guy is an ex now.
Robert Benson 1 day ago
Telling lies about people is a bad idea, in general. It would be one thing to simply never mention certain aspects of people's lives, but to outright lie, is just plain stupid.
Melissa Harris 2 days ago
He's definitely lied to her (and likely everyone in his life) about tons of things. Probably nothing this big but the man's default response to discomfort is avoidance and lying. What's worse is he couldn't take responsibility for his massive deception when caught out. He needed mommy and daddy to make him admit he was at fault. He gaslighted the OP enough to light London. He's 100% guaranteed to lie to her again about something huge if she sayed with him. The guy needs therapy but the OP needs a new boyfriend.
Crissy Newbury 2 days ago
My ex husband lives with me and my now husband. He’s not in a relationship, just happens to live with us (long story short). My in-laws are okay because my husband never tried to hide anything. It’s weird, but it works.
Parmeisan 2 days ago
I was really surprised that nobody seemed to be asking if his parents still thought Rose was her aunt, ie one of her parents was involved in a relationship with their own sister. Maybe BP just didn't include those comments, because it sounds like *someone* brought it up to OP. Of course they were weirded out! Also, yes, the ease with which he lied to his parents, then lied to you, is *not* insignificant. I'm glad she's taking some time to think about all of this.
Bewitched One 4 hours ago
I did notice one. And in the update she commented on it but that was one of my first thoughts after he said he told them rose was her aunt lol
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Earthquake903 12 hours ago
First of all, how is that not polygamy. Is it polyamory? Is the only difference that all 3 aren't married to each other? I genuinely just don't know, it's not important overall. Second of all, the boyfriend lied, repeatedly. You have that to look forward to if you stay together.
Bewitched One 4 hours ago
Polygamy and polyamory are completely different things. Like she mentioned in the replies and original post. Polygamy is “sister” wives type stuff. Where multiple women are in a relationship with or married to the same man, BUT NOT in a relationship with or married to the other woman. That’s the difference. The OPs parents are all in love with each other. Polygamy AKA Sister wives is more like: mom loves dad. Rose loves dad. Dad loves mom and rose. Rose and mom tolerate each other and are civil because they love dad and want him to be happy. They may still care about and love each other too, but not in a romantic way. Polyamory is being in love with more than one or multiple people and those people also being in love with you and each other. So like OPs parents. Mom and rose are in love with each other. Dad and rose are in love with each other. Mom and dad are in love with each orher. Basically polygamy is like parallel relationships with one cross point—the man.
Load More Replies... jasper 1 day ago
Good grief. People s***w up. It sounds like he's genuinely sorry and trying to fix things. If she thought he is her person she needs to work thru it also. If this is the biggest or only real issue they've had, I would work through it. Move on, especially if his parents are cool.
Becky Samuel 2 days ago
I don't see anyone here needing to grow up except for the (hopefully ex) boyfriend.
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Lazy Panda 2 2 days ago
I think you've missed the bit where he said he HAD done it, and then lied about it. So the OP was then unaware it needed discussing. As to who is responsible. Well in the beginning OP wouldn't have known her future in-laws. And by the time she did, she thought the situation had been explained.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 3 days ago
The throuple aspect isn't even relevant, fiancé lied repeatedly for years.The relationship isn't in a place where he is able to talk to his partner about difficult topics or his anxiety or whatever is th cause of the lying. This is either because he's so lazy he couldn't be bothered, or because it's not a healthy relationship. At the very least don't get married any time soon
Tabitha 2 days ago
It almost seems like it’s the finance who has an unconscious bias against OP’s lifestyle, even though his parents don’t. He was the one who was too embarrassed to tell them the truth about it, which is what happens when someone is biased against something but wants to have the appearance of being open minded. Yes, even liberal parents can have a child who is extremely—-sometimes even cult-like—-conservative and judgmental of anyone who lives their life in any way different from their own very narrow and unbending rules. Yes, fiancé (spellcheck initially corrected a bad keystroke for the word fiancé to d***e, which I think is kind of apropos) needs counseling. Maybe some cult deprogramming too, while they’re at it.
Load More Replies... Melinda Landis 2 days ago
That’s sad for her, but better finding out now.
Load More Replies... Kari Lynn 2 days ago
The fiance should have leveled with her, and admitted he never told his parents as soon as he knew they were on the way to Thanksgiving dinner. I can think of other things that might come up in the future that the fiance lied about that could potentially be disastrous. She does not need him to be the father of her future children. Also, he's already beginning to practice gaslighting her with this current situation, which is a huge red flag.
Seadog 1 day ago
This reminded me of one of those wife swap shows (I don't normally watch that junk but it was on where I had no control over the TV) and the people didn't know there was a 2nd woman of the house and she let the guest wife know real quick she was the lover of the husband and wife and she has the final say over anything that the crew or guest wife does. Guest wife didn't last long, she walked. Best I remember, the crew was basically told to leave shortly after that.
Jonas Fisher 1 day ago
Sometimes the difficulty with moving past a problem is making sure everyone understands what the actual problem is. OP (very understandably) isn't confident her dude really "gets" what he did wrong. I mean, he knows he lied, and he knows people are angry, but does he really grasp why that is a bad thing? I don't think he does.
Alan Jay Weiner 2 days ago
Don't lie to someone who trusts you. Don't trust someone who lies to you.
Melinda Landis 2 days ago
If his parents were extremely conservative I could get it. Instead, they sound cool, so what was his problem. My husband and I shared a long chunk of our married life with another man. It worked out pretty well for many years, then we divorced but not because of our shared lives. My kid and the other man’s kids were cool with, nothing was hidden except from my ultra conservative parents but they must have suspected. Families come in a real variety of.
Oskar vanZandt 1 hour ago
The boyfriend/fiancée doesn't sound like he's ready for a serious commitment- I can see him bailing if OP got seriously ill.
Emilu 10 hours ago
Stories like this are why people whose relationship isn't a stereotypical 'man and woman' relationship don't want to necessarily discuss it, because they get canoes of the douche like OP's fiancé shaming them (whether he did it inadvertedly or otherwise, he did it). Not to mention the lying for two and a half years to your supposed life-partner and her family. Also the parents were cool with it once they knew, so clearly they're more forward-thinking than their moron of a child. God I hope this guy is an ex now.
Robert Benson 1 day ago
Telling lies about people is a bad idea, in general. It would be one thing to simply never mention certain aspects of people's lives, but to outright lie, is just plain stupid.
Melissa Harris 2 days ago
He's definitely lied to her (and likely everyone in his life) about tons of things. Probably nothing this big but the man's default response to discomfort is avoidance and lying. What's worse is he couldn't take responsibility for his massive deception when caught out. He needed mommy and daddy to make him admit he was at fault. He gaslighted the OP enough to light London. He's 100% guaranteed to lie to her again about something huge if she sayed with him. The guy needs therapy but the OP needs a new boyfriend.
Crissy Newbury 2 days ago
My ex husband lives with me and my now husband. He’s not in a relationship, just happens to live with us (long story short). My in-laws are okay because my husband never tried to hide anything. It’s weird, but it works.
Parmeisan 2 days ago
I was really surprised that nobody seemed to be asking if his parents still thought Rose was her aunt, ie one of her parents was involved in a relationship with their own sister. Maybe BP just didn't include those comments, because it sounds like *someone* brought it up to OP. Of course they were weirded out! Also, yes, the ease with which he lied to his parents, then lied to you, is *not* insignificant. I'm glad she's taking some time to think about all of this.
Bewitched One 4 hours ago
I did notice one. And in the update she commented on it but that was one of my first thoughts after he said he told them rose was her aunt lol
Load More Replies... Earthquake903 12 hours ago
First of all, how is that not polygamy. Is it polyamory? Is the only difference that all 3 aren't married to each other? I genuinely just don't know, it's not important overall. Second of all, the boyfriend lied, repeatedly. You have that to look forward to if you stay together.
Bewitched One 4 hours ago
Polygamy and polyamory are completely different things. Like she mentioned in the replies and original post. Polygamy is “sister” wives type stuff. Where multiple women are in a relationship with or married to the same man, BUT NOT in a relationship with or married to the other woman. That’s the difference. The OPs parents are all in love with each other. Polygamy AKA Sister wives is more like: mom loves dad. Rose loves dad. Dad loves mom and rose. Rose and mom tolerate each other and are civil because they love dad and want him to be happy. They may still care about and love each other too, but not in a romantic way. Polyamory is being in love with more than one or multiple people and those people also being in love with you and each other. So like OPs parents. Mom and rose are in love with each other. Dad and rose are in love with each other. Mom and dad are in love with each orher. Basically polygamy is like parallel relationships with one cross point—the man.
Load More Replies... jasper 1 day ago
Good grief. People s***w up. It sounds like he's genuinely sorry and trying to fix things. If she thought he is her person she needs to work thru it also. If this is the biggest or only real issue they've had, I would work through it. Move on, especially if his parents are cool.
Becky Samuel 2 days ago
I don't see anyone here needing to grow up except for the (hopefully ex) boyfriend.
Load More Replies... Lazy Panda 2 2 days ago
I think you've missed the bit where he said he HAD done it, and then lied about it. So the OP was then unaware it needed discussing. As to who is responsible. Well in the beginning OP wouldn't have known her future in-laws. And by the time she did, she thought the situation had been explained.
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