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Woman’s Had Enough Of Family’s Greedy “Birthday Club”, Refuses To Cough Up Another Cent
Birthdays are fun because they’re the one day a person can bask in attention from their friends and loved ones, while also being showered with gifts. The flip side is that sometimes giving presents feels like a chore that other people simply can’t opt out of.
This is what a woman felt because her family had started a club to collect money for people’s birthdays, but eventually, they turned into debt collectors. She couldn’t stand their constant hounding and finally called them out for their behavior, which didn’t go down well.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Birthday gifting should be fun and simple, instead of an obligation that people want to escape
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that her family started a club with 25 people, and that they’d collect $25 from everyone and give the collection to the birthday person
Image credits: picjumbo.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Over time, the fun birthday collection turned into an obligation because the leaders of the club would keep pestering people for money
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Eventually, the poster got tired of the messages and confronted the club members by calling them a “debt-collection service”
Image credits: pinklilylalala
Only two people seemed to side with the poster, and other members gave her the silent treatment, which made her rethink her actions
The poster’s family must have started the birthday collection as a way to make their loved ones feel special by giving them a lump sum that they could use as they pleased. Over time, it must have become difficult for the club leaders to collect the money, which is why they started pestering folks all the time.
According to experts, the problem with having a group birthday gift is that someone always has to be the organizer and take charge of the process. It can be quite a daunting task because not everyone takes initiative, and there might be a need to keep following up with folks. This is probably what must have happened to OP’s club as well, considering they have 25 members.
The poster couldn’t deal with the birthday club’s constant messaging, and she felt annoyed that they acted like debt collectors. She noticed that they had taken to texting people even before the day started, just so that they could complete the money collection fast. This obviously took the joy out of the whole experience.
Once you take part in a tradition like this, it can be hard to opt out of it if you ever change your mind. Many people, especially in offices, feel obligated to contribute to other people’s birthday funds just so that they can maintain goodwill with the entire group. Unfortunately, if the process becomes too tiresome, it might mean it’s time to speak out about it or just take a step back.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The OP finally decided to confront the club members and say what had been on her mind for a while. She told them that the fund collection was supposed to be a fun and family-oriented experience, and not the debt-collection service that it had become. This must have been a shocking message to receive, but it seemed to make the poster feel good in the moment.
After sending the message, only two people came out in support of what she had said, while others simply gave her the cold shoulder. That’s when the OP began to wonder if she had gone too far with the text and whether she should have said anything in the first place.
It’s definitely tough not to give in to peer pressure in situations like this, but the important thing is to actually stay true to yourself. Rather than compromising on your joy by contributing to a forced fund, it might make more sense to opt out and give the birthday person a meaningful gift on your own.
It’s clear that the birthday club’s purpose didn’t make sense to the poster anymore, so it’s probably good that she confronted its members. Hopefully, she decides on a new gifting tradition that sparks joy and doesn’t feel as forced as this one did.
Do you agree with how the OP stood up to her family? Let us know how you would have handled the situation if you were in her place.
Most folks sided with the poster and felt that the birthday tradition had become too forced
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What do you think ?
UnclePanda 4 weeks ago
My sisters and I realized we were just giving each other gift cards in like amounts to places none of us shopped. So now we spend that money on ourselves and congratulate the others on their excellent taste.
Apatheist Account2 4 weeks ago
Ditto. We do a bigger present every ten years, that's all.
Load More Replies...
Tabitha 4 weeks ago (edited)
Not to mention everyone’s finances can radically change from year to year, and maybe the ones who haven’t contributed yet simply can’t spare any money for frivolous stuff right now. It gets to be like the expected contributions at work for another employee’s birthday cake or wedding/baby shower present—-or worse some a*s-kissing suck-up insisting the lower level employees pool money to buy the f*****g CEO who makes 300 times their salary a d****d Christmas or birthday gift! F**k that noise. Gift-giving is supposed to be top down, not bottom up, ffs. But I digress. The “birthday club” is no longer enjoyable when it starts being policed and those who haven’t contributed yet—-because maybe this year they just f*****g CAN’T and are too ashamed of their circumstances to admit it—-start being harassed and shamed in the group chat for it. Ruins the whole vibe for everyone. TBH, it was an idea that was bound to go bad anyway, so should be totally disbanded or replaced with a Secret Santa group, which can also be a Secret Birthday group—-in January you draw names for birthday gifts, and only buy a birthday gift—-and everyone can list some reasonably priced ideas for their birthday gifts, same can be done for Secret Santa—-for the person whose name you drew. That way, you only have to shell out for one person for their birthday and either the same or another for Christmas, instead of the group constantly having its hands out for money twice a month or more.
Crystalwitch60 4 weeks ago
Exactly this lol , like if they insist on getting gifts for 25 extended bloody family ffs ( my idea of hell) buy a token gift like 5-10 quid max thoughtfully selected job done 🤷♀️or add a gift card to their fav store ,for how ever much you can afford at that time right ,common sense lol this however ain’t common sense at all , total lack of in fact 😂😂
Load More Replies...
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 weeks ago
We decided years ago that we would draw names for Christmas gifts for the adults at Thanksgiving. There is a $25 cap, the kids still get presents, but thankfully we don't have many of those. The fun part at Christmas is figuring out who got who!
sweet emotion 4 weeks ago
You know what makes a person feel special on their birthday? A phone call. A text or email saying "Love you, have a great birthday." A real physical posted-through-USPS Snoopy birthday card. Those things are purely voluntary, don't over-extend a tricky budget, aren't policed by the rest of the family and don't initiate a group posse going after the one who forgets or simply cannot transfer the ransom funds on that day.
KatSaidWhat 4 weeks ago
I'd say that I am bowing out of what has become an entitled expectancy and will be buying personalised gifts from now on.
JayWantsACat 4 weeks ago
"All you're doing is shuffling around the same $625". Yes, and? This isn't isn't trying to get over on each other or get rich or anything. It's just that when it's your bday you get a lump sum to do with as you will. Sure, you could just save $25 every two weeks and end up with ~$625 on your bday yourself. But that point is that it's gifted to you. It's seriously not that deep (finally a time that phrase is actually applicable). I probably wouldn't participate in this but it's weird that so many people miss the point because you end up with $0 net every year? That's like asking why by gifts if you;'re just going to receieve gifts back? Again, I'm not saying this system is good or bad, just that ending up net $0 completely misses the point.
T'Mar of Vulcan 4 weeks ago
Spot all the Americans. In South Africa this is a common thing to do and is called a "stokvel" (stork-fell) and sometimes a "Zulu bank". Amazingly, people can actually do Maths and understand how it works. It's just nice to get a lump sum of cash on your birthday.
UnclePanda 4 weeks ago
My sisters and I realized we were just giving each other gift cards in like amounts to places none of us shopped. So now we spend that money on ourselves and congratulate the others on their excellent taste.
Apatheist Account2 4 weeks ago
Ditto. We do a bigger present every ten years, that's all.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 4 weeks ago (edited)
Not to mention everyone’s finances can radically change from year to year, and maybe the ones who haven’t contributed yet simply can’t spare any money for frivolous stuff right now. It gets to be like the expected contributions at work for another employee’s birthday cake or wedding/baby shower present—-or worse some a*s-kissing suck-up insisting the lower level employees pool money to buy the f*****g CEO who makes 300 times their salary a d****d Christmas or birthday gift! F**k that noise. Gift-giving is supposed to be top down, not bottom up, ffs. But I digress. The “birthday club” is no longer enjoyable when it starts being policed and those who haven’t contributed yet—-because maybe this year they just f*****g CAN’T and are too ashamed of their circumstances to admit it—-start being harassed and shamed in the group chat for it. Ruins the whole vibe for everyone. TBH, it was an idea that was bound to go bad anyway, so should be totally disbanded or replaced with a Secret Santa group, which can also be a Secret Birthday group—-in January you draw names for birthday gifts, and only buy a birthday gift—-and everyone can list some reasonably priced ideas for their birthday gifts, same can be done for Secret Santa—-for the person whose name you drew. That way, you only have to shell out for one person for their birthday and either the same or another for Christmas, instead of the group constantly having its hands out for money twice a month or more.
Crystalwitch60 4 weeks ago
Exactly this lol , like if they insist on getting gifts for 25 extended bloody family ffs ( my idea of hell) buy a token gift like 5-10 quid max thoughtfully selected job done 🤷♀️or add a gift card to their fav store ,for how ever much you can afford at that time right ,common sense lol this however ain’t common sense at all , total lack of in fact 😂😂
Load More Replies... Celtic Pirate Queen 2 weeks ago
We decided years ago that we would draw names for Christmas gifts for the adults at Thanksgiving. There is a $25 cap, the kids still get presents, but thankfully we don't have many of those. The fun part at Christmas is figuring out who got who!
sweet emotion 4 weeks ago
You know what makes a person feel special on their birthday? A phone call. A text or email saying "Love you, have a great birthday." A real physical posted-through-USPS Snoopy birthday card. Those things are purely voluntary, don't over-extend a tricky budget, aren't policed by the rest of the family and don't initiate a group posse going after the one who forgets or simply cannot transfer the ransom funds on that day.
KatSaidWhat 4 weeks ago
I'd say that I am bowing out of what has become an entitled expectancy and will be buying personalised gifts from now on.
JayWantsACat 4 weeks ago
"All you're doing is shuffling around the same $625". Yes, and? This isn't isn't trying to get over on each other or get rich or anything. It's just that when it's your bday you get a lump sum to do with as you will. Sure, you could just save $25 every two weeks and end up with ~$625 on your bday yourself. But that point is that it's gifted to you. It's seriously not that deep (finally a time that phrase is actually applicable). I probably wouldn't participate in this but it's weird that so many people miss the point because you end up with $0 net every year? That's like asking why by gifts if you;'re just going to receieve gifts back? Again, I'm not saying this system is good or bad, just that ending up net $0 completely misses the point.
T'Mar of Vulcan 4 weeks ago
Spot all the Americans. In South Africa this is a common thing to do and is called a "stokvel" (stork-fell) and sometimes a "Zulu bank". Amazingly, people can actually do Maths and understand how it works. It's just nice to get a lump sum of cash on your birthday.
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