B-Day Dinner Brings Chaos After Woman’s Words That She Can’t Eat Much Cake Get Misunderstood
If you think about how often friendship dramas and fallouts were started due to legit reasons where somebody did or said something that shouldn’t have been done and how many times they started just because of misinterpretation or miscommunication, I am pretty sure the second option would be more common. And, unsurprisingly, losing friends due to their refusal to even listen is not the nicest thing.
This Reddit user found herself in a very similar situation – after telling a friend that she wished she could eat as much cake as everyone else, having in mind that she was full due to making it all day, she was called fatphobic.
More info: Reddit
Being accused of being ‘fatphobic’ when you really aren’t may be as offensive as being called ‘fat’
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that she hosted a birthday dinner for her best friend, made the cake and a lot of different meals, thus after the whole day she had just lost her appetite
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
When everyone was eating, the host ate just a few things, and one friend noticed and asked what was wrong, to which she explained that she just didn’t have an appetite
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Now, when it was cake time, the same friend came over saying that it was amazing, to which the woman answered that she was glad and wished she could eat as much as everyone else
This conversation caused quite a lot of drama as the friend went off at her for calling her fat and told her she should be ashamed of making people feel guilty about eating
Image credits: u/That_Lavishness5376
After a few days, the friend had already spread a word calling her fatphobic and telling the whole story differently from what actually happened
Recently one Reddit user shared her story online seeking to hear a perspective and opinions of community members on whether she was in fact being a jerk by telling a friend that she was full and couldn’t eat as much cake as others, for which she ended up being called fatphobic. The post caught a lot of attention, collecting almost 9K upvotes and over 1.2K comments.
The original poster (OP) started her story by explaining that she organized a birthday dinner for her best friend where she invited all of her closest friends, made the cake, lots of different food and decorated the place, thus it was no surprise that she was exhausted and without an appetite. So when everyone started eating, she just had a few things on her plate, which didn’t go unnoticed by others.
One of the friends, who OP called Sarah, came over asking what was wrong, to which she just explained that she didn’t have that much of an appetite. After this, everything was going great – at least until it was cake time. Again, OP took just a few bites and Sarah came over saying how amazing it was, to which the woman answered that she was really happy and that she wished she could eat as much as everyone else, but she had chugged a drink before and was feeling full.
Well, this was not taken as expected, as Sarah lost it and started yelling at the woman for calling her fat and making people feel guilty about eating. After a few days, she spread the word about the woman being fatphobic and was heard telling the story differently than it had actually happened.
The community members backed up the woman and gave her the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. “NTA. You were not being fatphobic and did absolutely nothing wrong. Sarah is making up lies about you,” one user wrote. “It was Sarah who raised the subject in the first place, not you. She was policing your eating, not the other way around,” another added.
Image credits: fauxels (not the actual photo)
Probably most of you are aware that any topic about a person’s weight is deeply sensitive, especially as diet culture, unrealistic beauty standards and social media are becoming more and more popular and toxic these days. Luckily, it’s being talked about more and people take mental health much more seriously.
Now, let’s talk a little bit more about ‘fatphobia’ – Within explains that while classic understanding of it involves the pathological fear of fatness, the term is sometimes used to describe anti-fat or weight stigma. It refers to an unconscious prejudice against overweight people, which is frequently based on the false belief that achieving a fit or thin body type is the ultimate life goal.
Probably many of you will agree that when we hear about beauty standards, we immediately think of incredibly slim women, but when we hear about body shaming, we think of it as being directed at overweight people. Well, skinny shaming also exists, which is quite often overlooked – it may not be the same, but any body shaming is hurtful.
In the comments under the OP’s story, a few Reddit users were guessing that she is probably slim and it made Sarah ‘police’ her eating and she was the one shaming her. So we did a little digging and compared skinny shaming and fat shaming.
According to Self, a thin woman may face teasing that she doesn’t fit the stereotypical body of femininity and the masculine gaze and often hear remarks that lack of curves is unattractive. Thin women can face food policing: criticism for making the sensible decision to order a salad or outright calls to “eat a cheeseburger” from complete strangers. No surprise that they are often assumed to have eating disorders.
However, Self also added that fat shaming, opposed to skinny shaming, says that a person should be treated with disrespect and as unworthy of simple comforts such as fitting into airplane seats or receiving appropriate medical care, because they did this to themselves. So, fat bias goes above and beyond social interactions.
And what do you guys think about this story? Was the woman being a jerk and should she apologize? Share your thoughts below!
Redditors supported the woman in this situation, saying she didn’t do anything wrong
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Some people just seem to go through life looking for things to be offended by. It must be exhausting.
Yep. I'm adopted and a lot of my adoptive family members are morbidly obese. :( Several of my cousins have died young (in their early 20s) due to kidney failure and Type 2 diabetes directly caused by morbid obesity. My younger cousin (aged 36) is morbidly obese, and so far, she has fatty liver disease, cirrhosis (she has never drank alcohol), is diabetic, and is pre-Parkinson's, and her doctor says it's all from her obesity. She refuses to believe any of her doctors and insists that her weight is "perfectly healthy" and she goes through life EAGERLY looking/waiting for people to say anything about her weight so that she can be super offended. (Worst of all, her grandmother, who was ALSO morbidly obese, ended up with gangrene in one arm due to diabetes and had to have her arm AMPUTATED.) But my cousin does not believe that her obesity is due to her diet (fast food, desserts, and sugary sodas only; I'm not sure she's ever eaten a veg) and is offended af if you suggest it.
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As a baker, I rarely eat my desserts. by the time I'm done smeeling, tasting and adjusting the last thing I want to do is eat the end product.
I used to do a huge Xmas dinner for my hubs, children and in-laws. After spending a few days prior prepping and cooking up to the big day, I didn't want to eat it either! But tbh, people should mind their own damn business!
Load More Replies...
I don't eat dessert. I find if I just politely decline and tell people "yeah I just have no sweet tooth whatsoever so I'm not gonna eat something I'm not gonna enjoy" people generally are cool with that
When I'm cooking I can't stop myself snacking. So when dinnertime comes and I cooked a huge meal for several people, I'm usually full before the plates hit the table. And yes, I had a rather thin woman accusing me of being fatphobic, and that despite the fact that she could have sheltered in my shade easily, I have several health issues that cause me being really fat no matter what I try. You can't starve off a lipid oedema. But luckily people laughed in her face when she claimed a 120kg woman had called her 80kg a$$ fat.
"It's like I used to tell my wife, I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I'll say it to my next one, too." Who here knows this quote? I think it fits here.
Assuming what I read is actually what happened then you weren't being fat phobic. In fact it's impossible to accidentally be fat phobic as you can't accidentally think less of someone based on their weight. These people are awful and you are better of dumping all of them except Anna. Regardless of any apologies they may come up with they do not deserve a second change. Stay away from them.
That’s like telling someone “Oh, you look nice today”, only to have them snap at you saying “Oh, but I’m ugly every OTHER day?!” … honestly, you can’t win, no matter what you do sometimes. 🤷♀️🙄
Not being hungry after cooking is a whole thing. My grandma always said "Det är kockens rätt, att alltid servera maten mätt." (It's the right of the cook/chef to always serve food while full from said food) So that bit is completely normal.
"I just had a whole coke so I can't eat cake" is weird to me. Like oh I am SO FULL from this big drink! I may have a bias because I used to be friends with a girl who did all the digs about people eating and she being "so tiny".
So true, but I was reassured by the fact that the friend is the one who instigated the conversation and (from what I could tell) sort of pressured her to eat more. My ability to eat a lot of something is influenced by my IBS and reactive hypoglycemia, plus sometimes my anxiety gets bad and kills my appetite. People can be really intense about trying to encourage others to eat more (like this prevalent idea that it’s rude not to finish your plate etc.) And people have acted like I eat smaller quantities in order to stay thin; which is really annoying because I don’t want people to think I support diet culture!
Load More Replies...
I have a cousin who used to visit every summer and The last time was HELL whenever I said something about someone’s appearance ( I said that someone looked like Gandalf) and she FLIPPED OUT saying I’m fat shaming and s**t whenever I even looked at anyone she yelled at me. She Told me that I am fat shaming her and everyone in my family by saying someone looked like Gandalf ( Who’s incredibly fit btw) it took several therapy visits to get me over it, she’s always twisting my words into what benefits her, and then this year she texted me and my Family and said that she is coming up for a summer job and she’s going to be living here for the year. And she never even said sorry or showed and remorse. I totally understand OP
Sarah needs to chill out and maybe get some counseling for her need for attention and lying issue. Obviously she has issues to deal with but she also sounds like a total c**t and maybe needs to grow up.
NTA and enjoy graduating! I remember how I felt l really had some in my hand with a degree centering around improving efficiency of internal combustion engines, which ... tbh, it's an AH-industry that is begged from within by engineers who have vast improvements with reasonably effort and cost to offer, but all the advancements done in the past ten years are decade-long known means that just weren't considered worth it. I developed a drawer full of said stuff as an intern, of which not much has reached series production. Some has, but that was more in the details of a known concept, or which to chose.
Some people just seem to go through life looking for things to be offended by. It must be exhausting.
Yep. I'm adopted and a lot of my adoptive family members are morbidly obese. :( Several of my cousins have died young (in their early 20s) due to kidney failure and Type 2 diabetes directly caused by morbid obesity. My younger cousin (aged 36) is morbidly obese, and so far, she has fatty liver disease, cirrhosis (she has never drank alcohol), is diabetic, and is pre-Parkinson's, and her doctor says it's all from her obesity. She refuses to believe any of her doctors and insists that her weight is "perfectly healthy" and she goes through life EAGERLY looking/waiting for people to say anything about her weight so that she can be super offended. (Worst of all, her grandmother, who was ALSO morbidly obese, ended up with gangrene in one arm due to diabetes and had to have her arm AMPUTATED.) But my cousin does not believe that her obesity is due to her diet (fast food, desserts, and sugary sodas only; I'm not sure she's ever eaten a veg) and is offended af if you suggest it.
Load More Replies... As a baker, I rarely eat my desserts. by the time I'm done smeeling, tasting and adjusting the last thing I want to do is eat the end product.
I used to do a huge Xmas dinner for my hubs, children and in-laws. After spending a few days prior prepping and cooking up to the big day, I didn't want to eat it either! But tbh, people should mind their own damn business!
Load More Replies... I don't eat dessert. I find if I just politely decline and tell people "yeah I just have no sweet tooth whatsoever so I'm not gonna eat something I'm not gonna enjoy" people generally are cool with that
When I'm cooking I can't stop myself snacking. So when dinnertime comes and I cooked a huge meal for several people, I'm usually full before the plates hit the table. And yes, I had a rather thin woman accusing me of being fatphobic, and that despite the fact that she could have sheltered in my shade easily, I have several health issues that cause me being really fat no matter what I try. You can't starve off a lipid oedema. But luckily people laughed in her face when she claimed a 120kg woman had called her 80kg a$$ fat.
"It's like I used to tell my wife, I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I'll say it to my next one, too." Who here knows this quote? I think it fits here.
Assuming what I read is actually what happened then you weren't being fat phobic. In fact it's impossible to accidentally be fat phobic as you can't accidentally think less of someone based on their weight. These people are awful and you are better of dumping all of them except Anna. Regardless of any apologies they may come up with they do not deserve a second change. Stay away from them.
That’s like telling someone “Oh, you look nice today”, only to have them snap at you saying “Oh, but I’m ugly every OTHER day?!” … honestly, you can’t win, no matter what you do sometimes. 🤷♀️🙄
Not being hungry after cooking is a whole thing. My grandma always said "Det är kockens rätt, att alltid servera maten mätt." (It's the right of the cook/chef to always serve food while full from said food) So that bit is completely normal.
"I just had a whole coke so I can't eat cake" is weird to me. Like oh I am SO FULL from this big drink! I may have a bias because I used to be friends with a girl who did all the digs about people eating and she being "so tiny".
So true, but I was reassured by the fact that the friend is the one who instigated the conversation and (from what I could tell) sort of pressured her to eat more. My ability to eat a lot of something is influenced by my IBS and reactive hypoglycemia, plus sometimes my anxiety gets bad and kills my appetite. People can be really intense about trying to encourage others to eat more (like this prevalent idea that it’s rude not to finish your plate etc.) And people have acted like I eat smaller quantities in order to stay thin; which is really annoying because I don’t want people to think I support diet culture!
Load More Replies... I have a cousin who used to visit every summer and The last time was HELL whenever I said something about someone’s appearance ( I said that someone looked like Gandalf) and she FLIPPED OUT saying I’m fat shaming and s**t whenever I even looked at anyone she yelled at me. She Told me that I am fat shaming her and everyone in my family by saying someone looked like Gandalf ( Who’s incredibly fit btw) it took several therapy visits to get me over it, she’s always twisting my words into what benefits her, and then this year she texted me and my Family and said that she is coming up for a summer job and she’s going to be living here for the year. And she never even said sorry or showed and remorse. I totally understand OP
Sarah needs to chill out and maybe get some counseling for her need for attention and lying issue. Obviously she has issues to deal with but she also sounds like a total c**t and maybe needs to grow up.
NTA and enjoy graduating! I remember how I felt l really had some in my hand with a degree centering around improving efficiency of internal combustion engines, which ... tbh, it's an AH-industry that is begged from within by engineers who have vast improvements with reasonably effort and cost to offer, but all the advancements done in the past ten years are decade-long known means that just weren't considered worth it. I developed a drawer full of said stuff as an intern, of which not much has reached series production. Some has, but that was more in the details of a known concept, or which to chose.
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